Respect and Weirdness (Tag Title Match)
Aug 9, 2024 18:56:49 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 9, 2024 18:56:49 GMT -5
*The peaceful sound of crackling wood brings us into a well-lit room. True to the sound, there’s a fire in a lavish fireplace- no doubt the air conditioner must be working overtime today. The camera slowly zooms out to find Lord Dominicus sitting on a beautiful couch. His legs are crossed as he leans back and looks quite comfortable. Next to him on a table sit the WUK World and Tag Team Championships, nicely folded and on display.*
LD: Hello everyone in Wrestle: United Kingdom. Since becoming your champion…and also tag champion it seems incumbent upon me to help change the mood. We are not HardKore World, nor are we any other company in the XHF Network. We are Wrestle: United Kingdom- and with that name should come class. EXTREMELY EVIL class, but class nonetheless.
*Slowly he reaches down and grabs a mug of probably water and takes a sip. He holds the mug in his hand.*
LD: And with that I wanted to address my opponents for our return to England, Wesley Crane and…
*Wait, no, he’s on camera, crap. Dominicus taps his head a moment trying to remember the other guy.*
LD: …Pressssssssston Andre Reese.
*He nods, phew, got it.*
LD: Crane, I respect you.
*We get a quick DominiNod and Dominicus extends his hand almost as if to give a bit of a peace offering to his WUK rival.*
LD: I do, I respect you. I respect you for the time you’ve spent here in this company. I respect you for the work you put in to help drive out the Bastards. I respect you for winning the Wrestle United Kingdom World Championship in the past.
*He quickly pats the title next to him.*
LD: And perhaps most is that I respect you for becoming an exclusive wrestler for Wrestle: United Kingdom. Although you had initially fallen for the trap of the Valentine family and ended up filling and fighting much of their roster, your true colors have shown as you’ve stayed home.
*There’s a quick head shake.*
LD: I only wish my predecessor had made a similar decision rather than agreeing to appear in a midcard match- for the title- with one of HardKore’s more forgettable violence enthusiasts- a date I’m loathe to fulfill but I will be there nonetheless. But I respect that you refuse let us be seen as HardKore World’s little brother or some kind of developmental.
*He nods again.*
LD: So good on you for that. After all, that was one of my main goals coming into this company in the first place- to make sure we stood on our own; and I respect your part in that.
*There’s a brief pause.*
LD: Also, Mr. Reese…I’m uh…trying really hard to remember that you exist. You manage to be right on PAR with everything, neither a detriment nor an asset. I respect….(?)…your ability to be as obscure as possible, if that’s what you’re trying to do.
*Now comes a big sigh as the DARK LORD OF WUK gets ready for his actual argument.*
LD: What I don’t respect is Mr. Crane’s athropomorphising of Wrestle United Kingdom’s titles. Yes, I looked up that word. And while I was trying to find the word for Mr. Crane’s obsession with giving gold women’s names I stumbled onto some really uncomfortable subcultures that seem to go hand-in-hand with this “anthro.”
*He tries to calm himself down without going into a thousand-mile stare from what he’s seen.*
LD: Let’s break this down for a moment. Many people in the “anthro” community assign human traits to non-humans- frequently animals but some people are into non-living stuff too. Wesley Crane names titles after women. From what we’ve seen in any interview involving Katie Moss that Wesley Crane really likes women.
*Dominicus stops and then circles his hand trying to get you to put the pieces together.*
LD: You see where I’m going here, people?
*He puts up his hands defensively. Look, I don’t want to suggest that Crane “yiffed”- as the kids are calling it- with the Wrestle: United Kingdom World Championship- and likely every other title he’s held- but just in case I’ve had the belt disinfected.
*A quick shudder as he gently pats the title as if to say “It’s ok now, nobody will hurt you anymore.”*
LD: And Kasper, you wore the title for a long time. You might want to check to make sure you’re not pregnant- especially in case you also decided to “Wesley Crane” the title on a lonely night.
*After that the VANTABLACK SAVIOR OF WUK sets down his cup, folds his hands, and recomposes himself.*
LD: Being intimate with championship belts is weird. Don’t be weird, Wesley Crane…also other guy. Pressman? Short-hair Crane? Whatever. When I go into Legacy 28 I won’t be just defending my own honor, but I’ll also be trying to protect the Wrestle United Kingdom Tag Team Championships from more of Wesley Crane’s unwanted advances.
*A brief pause.*
LD: Together, all of us can make Wrestle United Kingdom a better place. …As long as Crane stops trying to bang belts. Goodnight and DARKNESS bless.
*And with a nod the camera fades.*
*The camera has just cut as Dominicus gets up and looks around.*
LD: GAH! It’s so hard being this nice! Where the heck is the interloper!? She’s supposed to be helping me with this! Did you see that I almost forgot about the other guy in the match!?
*The now documentary-style unsteady cam whips over to Big Bone, who is holding a clipboard.*
BB: Trekker? She’s at GUNS.
LD: HOW CAN I HAVE A CAMPAIGN OF LOVE AND PEACE WITHOUT MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER!?
BB: I’m starting to think you miss her.
*Dominicus flips an end table at the suggestion.*
LD: WHAT!? NO! HOW DARE YOU! I hate that parasite!
*He breathes heavily as he tries to calm himself down.*
LD: But, for the nonce, I need her…
*Dominicus sighs deeply as we fade to black.*
LD: Hello everyone in Wrestle: United Kingdom. Since becoming your champion…and also tag champion it seems incumbent upon me to help change the mood. We are not HardKore World, nor are we any other company in the XHF Network. We are Wrestle: United Kingdom- and with that name should come class. EXTREMELY EVIL class, but class nonetheless.
*Slowly he reaches down and grabs a mug of probably water and takes a sip. He holds the mug in his hand.*
LD: And with that I wanted to address my opponents for our return to England, Wesley Crane and…
*Wait, no, he’s on camera, crap. Dominicus taps his head a moment trying to remember the other guy.*
LD: …Pressssssssston Andre Reese.
*He nods, phew, got it.*
LD: Crane, I respect you.
*We get a quick DominiNod and Dominicus extends his hand almost as if to give a bit of a peace offering to his WUK rival.*
LD: I do, I respect you. I respect you for the time you’ve spent here in this company. I respect you for the work you put in to help drive out the Bastards. I respect you for winning the Wrestle United Kingdom World Championship in the past.
*He quickly pats the title next to him.*
LD: And perhaps most is that I respect you for becoming an exclusive wrestler for Wrestle: United Kingdom. Although you had initially fallen for the trap of the Valentine family and ended up filling and fighting much of their roster, your true colors have shown as you’ve stayed home.
*There’s a quick head shake.*
LD: I only wish my predecessor had made a similar decision rather than agreeing to appear in a midcard match- for the title- with one of HardKore’s more forgettable violence enthusiasts- a date I’m loathe to fulfill but I will be there nonetheless. But I respect that you refuse let us be seen as HardKore World’s little brother or some kind of developmental.
*He nods again.*
LD: So good on you for that. After all, that was one of my main goals coming into this company in the first place- to make sure we stood on our own; and I respect your part in that.
*There’s a brief pause.*
LD: Also, Mr. Reese…I’m uh…trying really hard to remember that you exist. You manage to be right on PAR with everything, neither a detriment nor an asset. I respect….(?)…your ability to be as obscure as possible, if that’s what you’re trying to do.
*Now comes a big sigh as the DARK LORD OF WUK gets ready for his actual argument.*
LD: What I don’t respect is Mr. Crane’s athropomorphising of Wrestle United Kingdom’s titles. Yes, I looked up that word. And while I was trying to find the word for Mr. Crane’s obsession with giving gold women’s names I stumbled onto some really uncomfortable subcultures that seem to go hand-in-hand with this “anthro.”
*He tries to calm himself down without going into a thousand-mile stare from what he’s seen.*
LD: Let’s break this down for a moment. Many people in the “anthro” community assign human traits to non-humans- frequently animals but some people are into non-living stuff too. Wesley Crane names titles after women. From what we’ve seen in any interview involving Katie Moss that Wesley Crane really likes women.
*Dominicus stops and then circles his hand trying to get you to put the pieces together.*
LD: You see where I’m going here, people?
*He puts up his hands defensively. Look, I don’t want to suggest that Crane “yiffed”- as the kids are calling it- with the Wrestle: United Kingdom World Championship- and likely every other title he’s held- but just in case I’ve had the belt disinfected.
*A quick shudder as he gently pats the title as if to say “It’s ok now, nobody will hurt you anymore.”*
LD: And Kasper, you wore the title for a long time. You might want to check to make sure you’re not pregnant- especially in case you also decided to “Wesley Crane” the title on a lonely night.
*After that the VANTABLACK SAVIOR OF WUK sets down his cup, folds his hands, and recomposes himself.*
LD: Being intimate with championship belts is weird. Don’t be weird, Wesley Crane…also other guy. Pressman? Short-hair Crane? Whatever. When I go into Legacy 28 I won’t be just defending my own honor, but I’ll also be trying to protect the Wrestle United Kingdom Tag Team Championships from more of Wesley Crane’s unwanted advances.
*A brief pause.*
LD: Together, all of us can make Wrestle United Kingdom a better place. …As long as Crane stops trying to bang belts. Goodnight and DARKNESS bless.
*And with a nod the camera fades.*
POST-PROMO!
*The camera has just cut as Dominicus gets up and looks around.*
LD: GAH! It’s so hard being this nice! Where the heck is the interloper!? She’s supposed to be helping me with this! Did you see that I almost forgot about the other guy in the match!?
*The now documentary-style unsteady cam whips over to Big Bone, who is holding a clipboard.*
BB: Trekker? She’s at GUNS.
LD: HOW CAN I HAVE A CAMPAIGN OF LOVE AND PEACE WITHOUT MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER!?
BB: I’m starting to think you miss her.
*Dominicus flips an end table at the suggestion.*
LD: WHAT!? NO! HOW DARE YOU! I hate that parasite!
*He breathes heavily as he tries to calm himself down.*
LD: But, for the nonce, I need her…
*Dominicus sighs deeply as we fade to black.*
