Post by Jonnie Valentine on Sept 20, 2024 17:18:27 GMT -5
Fade up on rowdy San Francisco fans holding up signs that say “My Boy Kilroy!”, “Bojangles Tastes Like Fried Pidgeon”, “Long Live King Syberus”, “King’s Fighting The Law”, “Every Girl’s Crazy Bout Sharp Dressed Men”, “Rat Bastard and Rat Boy”, “The Danimal”, “I Can See Righteous’ Strings”, “NOMAD Scares Me”, “Can’t Stop The Doc”, “Choo Choo!”, “Let Florida Man Rot”, “King of the West”, “Dan The Man”, and “First of his Name”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans and welcome to the City by the Bay, San Francisco!
Phillip Blauer: Hey there, roomie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: (sighs) That is correct. While I was initially thrilled that Phil lost all his money in the match with Kilroy Evans at English Rage in Manchester 2024, my dream became a nightmare when Phil asked to move in with me.
Phillip Blauer: Just a couple more weeks until I can save up enough to buy another mansion or two.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You said that two weeks ago.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t blame me, have you seen the money they charge for high end real estate these days? Why, I remember when a quarter could buy you a haircut, a soda pop, a movie with a preceding newsreel about how our boys were doing overseas, a pitchfork and an unlit torch to chase non-presbyterians. Of course the guy that lit your torch charged $30, so things were all over the place back then.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, I need you to move out.
Phillip Blauer: You think I like that hovel? Your tennis court is a deathtrap. My doubles partner and I nearly got run over by some crazy lady the other day.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I keep telling you, that’s my driveway. That was my wife coming home. And how do you know James Woods?
Phillip Blauer: Jim and I are old friends from when I was an extra in Wall Street.
Guillermo O’Bannon: James Woods wasn’t in Wall Street.
Phillip Blauer: Did I say he was?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans, in our main event we have Marty Donovan putting his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line against his sworn enemy Kilroy Evans in a falls count anywhere match. King Syberus puts his Hardkore West Coast Championship up against his old rival Roscoe Law, and The Sharp Dressed Men take on Alexander Von Blankenship and his legendary father, Rat Bastard. All that and more tonight…
Phillip Blauer: Here in Frisco!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody calls it that here.
Fog fills the Cow Palace as the haunting opening riff of "Money For Nothing" by The Dire Straights play. A video on the jumbotron shows an alligator in a cage, struggling to break free. The alligator's struggles intensify, its movements becoming more frantic. Just as the song kicks into full gear, the cage shatters, and the alligator escapes, roaring into the night.
Phillip Blauer: I’ve got it on good authority that Deacon Oldham is insistent that it has to be the banned version and anything else is letting Tim Walz win.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok?
Phillip Blauer: Wait, the line is coming up…”That little…”
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, no, no. We’re not doing that.
The crowd erupts in cheers as three figures emerge from the mist, clad in green silk jackets emblazoned with the team name: The Fabulous Free Gators.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators were formed to raise money for The Florida Man Legal Defense Fund.
Phillip Blauer: My Dorothy’s murderer? Why, that case is settled! Old news. The poor dolt admitted to as much to the partial satisfaction of the police detectives that I allowed to use my swimming pool.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators are a six man team that will only compete in handicap matches against other tag teams.
Phillip Blauer: Meaning that the winner of this match, will receive a parking space at the front of the building.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No.
Dana “The Drone” Daniels high fives fans and shakes up his thermos full of bees. Deacon looks down the lens of the camera and orders his daughter to break up with Marty Donovan. Callum remains stone-faced, his gaze fixed on the opponents in the ring.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, it's not so much that they think Florida Man didn’t do it. They just hope that if they get him released, he might kill Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: The wheels of justice turn slowly, but they turn.
A scrolling graphic on the broadcast displays the phone number and URL for the Florida Man Legal Defense Fund. The crowd's cheers intensify as they donate to the cause.
Phillip Blauer: Wow, maybe these same people can help me get back on my feet. What’s an Url?
Guillermo O’Bannon: URL.
Phillip Blauer: I didn’t ask how you spell it. Is it like the show My Name Is Url?
Guillermo O’Bannon: …yes. The Fabulous Free Gators are more of a fundraising event masquerading as a tag team.
Phillip Blauer: That’s actually most tag teams. The “mission” Men on a Mission were on was to build low income housing developments, The Fabulous Ones was mostly a ponzi scheme to pay Stan Lane’s child support.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators are looking for a big win over the former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions, The Dutch Express.
Yolanda Ando: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall is wearing simple wrestling boots and black tights that have tentacles painted on them in silver.
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the historic Cow Palace in San Francisco for tonight’s card of Hardkore World action!”
The audience cheers
Greg Jin: “The following is a Handicap Match scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, Hailing from A More Just Florida Where Gators Roam Free; Standing 6 feet; Weighing 185 pounds…DANA ‘THE DRONE’ DANIELS!! His partner Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds…DEACON OLDHAM!! And standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 175 pounds…’THE SALFORD SQUID’ CALLUM CORNWALL!! They are THE FABULOUS FREE GATORS!!!”
The San Francisco fans cheer loudly
“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and The Dutch Express, Harvey van Houten and Leonard van Dam walk out with “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina Van Dam to a huge pop. The two fun loving reddish husky guys come out on the ramp waving to the fans. Both men are wearing matching overalls. Klazina gracefully walks behind them dressed as a Dutch milk maid.
Guillermo O’Bannon: When we last saw The Dutch Express, they were wrestling Team Fairtex for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships in Las Vegas in July.
Phillip Blauer: When we last saw The Dutch Express, I had a butler named Worthington.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whatever happened to him?
Phillip Blauer: He got another job working for a guy who’s grandfather invented the Slurpee.
Van Dam and van Houten along with Klazina slap hands with the fans on the way to the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dutch Express are looking to get another shot at the title, and a win over The Fabulous Free Gators tonight could put them in contention for a match with the new Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, The Sharp Dressed Men.
Yolanda Ando: The Dutch Express both wear overalls with open shirts underneath with black boots. Underneath, they wear brief trunks with the Dutch flag on the butt.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents’ Accompanied to the ring by their manager, ‘The Milkman’s Daughter’ Klazina van Dam; Originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in Cape Town, South Africa; Both Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; First, Weighing 250 pounds…HARVEY VAN HOUTEN!! His partner is also originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in San Francisco, California; 225 pounds…LEONARD VAN DAM!! They are the former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions…THE DUTCH EXPRESS!!!”
The audience pops for The Dutch Express
The Fabulous Free Gators vs. The Dutch Express
The bell rings, and the Deacon starts for the Fabulous Free Gators against Leonard Van Dam
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam and Deacon face off and the Deacon rolls his eyes before Van Dam fires off a few kicks.
Leonard van Dam irish whips Deacon Oldham into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam knocks Deacon to the mat with a shoulderblock.
Leonard van Dam flexes for the cheering fans, but them he yelps as the Deacon rises
Phillip Blauer: Deacon has what we call old strength.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oldham kicks him in the stomach and then drills him into the mat with a DDT!
Deacon Oldham gives the Squid a quick tag. Squid does not look happy, but shrugs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall stomps away at Leonard van Dam. He applies an armbar.
Cornwall leans back on van Dam’s arm, trying to pull it back from its socket. Leonard shakes his head, refusing to give up. He grabs for the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam’s fingers come up short.
Phillip Blauer: He needs longer fingers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam reaches out and snags the ropes.
The San Francisco audience cheers. Squid breaks, and Leonard van Dam gets back to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam with a spinning back kick to Cornwall’s face!
Van Dam tags in Harvey van Houten, and then twists Callum Cornwall’s arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten hits Cornwall with a spinning back fist while his arm is twisted by his partner.
Harvey van Houten pulls Cornwall up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten with a scissors kick!
The audience cheers. Harvey van Houten picks him up and smashes him in the back with some clubbing forearms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten threads Cornwall’s arm through his leg and hits the pumphandle slam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Callum Cornwall kicks out!
The fans cheer. “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina van Dam pounds on the apron. Squid gets back on his feet and Harvey van Houten irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten ducks down for a back drop, but Cornwall catches him with a guillotine choke!
The San Francisco audience cheers. Callum Cornwall rocks back on Harvey’s head and neck, cutting off his air
Phillip Blauer: By the way, I’m gonna be late coming home tonight, and my band is gonna have practice.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil you are not in that band, they’re just using you for a place to practice.
Phillip Blauer: Skull, Hate Machine, and Remmy are my brothers for life. You don’t understand the life of a musician. You’re just salty because they left the fridge door open all night.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, you are not a musician, they just let you hit the cymbal sometimes when they’re done playing.
Phillip Blauer: The world isn’t ready to hear my pain.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Callum Cornwall reaches out and tags in Deacon.
Phillip Blauer: The Fabulous Free Gators seem to be hesitant to tag in Dana Daniels. Why do you think that is?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not real good at wrestling.
Phillip Blauer: Interesting.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham grabs him in a muay thai clench, then headbutts him. But Harvey van Houten backs him off with a boxing jab, another one stuns Oldham. Van Houten misses one, and Oldham counter with an uppercut. Van Dam rises, and the Deacon wastes no time!
OIdham irish whips van Houten into the ropes, and then hits the cross section of the ropes, and then knocks van Houten to the mat with his pounce
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anchor’s Away!!
The Cow Palace explodes, and Van Dam sprawls on the mat before the Deacon pauses to stare back at the rising Leonard van Dam. He nods, and then makes a cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Leonard van Dam stomps the back of Deacon’s head!
Richie Richardson orders Leonard van Dam back to his corner while Deacon Oldham tags in Callum Cornwall. Dana Daniels comes in as well and bearhugs van Houten
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oldham twirls into a spinning back fist, and then Cornwall smashes him with a running european uppercut.
Klazina van Dam complains about the triple team move to Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Deacon and Dana return to their corner as Richardson forces them back, while Callum pulls van Houten’s head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall flips van Houten into a tiger bomb!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Harvey van Houten claps his legs together on Cornwall’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cornwall irish whips van Houten into the ropes and goes for a cross body but Harvey catches him and drops him into a backbreaker!
The audience cheers as both men crawl back to their corners. Oldham reaches his arm out, and van Houten tags in Leonard van Dam. Cornwall reaches up and Dana Daniels tags himself in
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard comes in like a house of fire and dropkicks Dana Daniels! Deacon Oldham comes in and catches a clothesline for his efforts!
The Cow Palace is loud as Callum Cornwall enters the ring while Leonard van Dam has Daniels legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam catapults Dana Daniels into an oncoming Oldham and Cornwall!
Harvey van Houten enters the ring to help out his partner, and they double spear Callum Cornwall
Guillermo O’Bannon: Double Dutch on The Salford Squid!! The Dutch Express turn around to a rising Deacn Oldham and hit him with The Double Dutch as well!!
The audience is jumping up and down in jubilation, as Dana Daniels wearily gets up and suddenly locks eyes with The Dutch Express. He tries to talk some sense into them but they get into position
Guillermo O’Bannon: And Double Dutch on Dana “The Drone” Daniels!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and the crowd leaps to their feet with a huge pop
Greg Jin: “At 12 minutes 52 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH…THE DUTCH EXPRESS!!!”
Klazina van Dam raises both her brother and Harvey van Houten’s arms as the San Francisco audience rains cheers down on them
Phillip Blauer: The Dutch Express have won the parking space!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, but they have won an important match to get into contention for The Sharp Dressed Men’s Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
(Olympia is finished warming up for her match with Ai Moe as MacDougal and Black Tiger watches her. The door opens and Kate Moss comes in and notices the intensity on Olympia's face.)
Kate Moss: "Are you okay Olympia."
Olympia: "YESSSSS.....
(Black Tiger clears her throat in a meaningful way and Olympia takes a breath and calms down.)
Olympia: "Yes I am."
Kate Moss: "You seem intense and the roster seems to be avoiding you."
Olympia: "Because I'm a basket case. A nut job. A looney tune. Yeah I heard all those terms and references, but I could care the hell what they think and if they want to get in my face and say it. Let's do it in the ring and see what this basket case thinks about their comments."
MacDougal: "Now she's someone anyone would want to date."
(Olympia glares at MacDougal and mutters something unmentionable as MacDougal shrugs and smiles.)
Kate Moss: "You sure you're all right."
Olympia: "I said..."
(She calms down again.)
Olympia: "I said I'm all right."
(Kate Moss looks dubiously at her but drops the subject.)
Kate Moss: "Tonight you debut against Ai Moe who's a tough and will test you."
Olympia: "Believe me whether it was SWAT Amazons or Wrestle: UK doesn't matter to me. I'm someone who loves a good challenge and Ai Moe presents just that and I'm going to rise to the occasion and Ai Moe is going to see what Olympia can do and she's going to see what I'm made of and that's pure Golden Spartan."
Kate Moss: "You think you're going to be next in lined if you win."
Olympia: "I earn my championship shots and I don't like anyone saying I get handed championship matches without earning them. Whoever says otherwise should back up their smack talk in the ring and I'll show everyone why they should keep their mouths shut."
MacDougal: "You can always use the Claymore and show them who's the better lass."
(Olympia is ready to unleash a rant of unmentionables as Black Tiger covers her mouth and starts walking her to the door.)
Black Tiger: "She has to go Kate since she has a match and can't finish this interview."
(They reach the door and shuts it.)
MacDougal: "I have to see this."
(He disappears through the door as Kate Moss feels a chill.)
Kate Moss: "Anyone fill a chill in here. Back to you guys."
(She looks around mysteriously as if someone was in the room as the scene slowly fades to black.)
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now time for two experienced ladies that have yet to make their debut on the West Coast.
"The Olympic Theme" plays and the Olympic Flag appears before dissolving to the American Flag before Olympia's name appears on the tron and red, white and blue pyros explode. Phil stands up and puts his hand over his heart
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, what are you doing?
Phillip Blauer: Have some respect.
Guillermo shrugs and stands up, putting his hand over his heart as well. Olympia walks through the ring entrance with her head down and a Scottish claymore sword.. She raises her head and then Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. hands her an American flag
Phillip Blauer: I’m sorry, why isn’t everyone doing this? It’s unamerican not to.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia gets her name from being on the 2016 US Olympic Team in Rio where she earned gold medals in both judo and taekwondo.
Phillip Blauer: Oh, I get it now. Because it’s a similar name.
Olympia marches down to ringside with the American flag before stopping at the ring stairs. She puts the claymore sword into the corner, and then takes the American flag off of its pole. Olympia begins to folds it with respect
Phillip Blauer: Look, I’m as red blooded American as the next Joe, but we only have this building for so long.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia made her debut in SWAT Amazons in 2017 where she won the SWAT Pan Amazons Women's Championship and the SWAT Amazons Women's Championship She briefly wrestled overseas in Japan in J-ROK and across the pond in Wrestle: UK, as well as here in the states at Dinosaur Bones.
Olympia hands the folded American flag to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. before entering the ring. She bows to all four corners before taking off her jacket and gold medals
Phillip Blauer: With me never winning any gold medals due to my chronic corns on my feet, I feel attacked with Olympia rubbing her gold medals in my face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia is a second generation star, the daughter of Dragon Belt who wrestled in Hardkore America and Hardkore Nippon over in Japan. Her mother is Dragonatric and her brother and sister are Little Dragon and Black Tiger.
Phillip Blauer: A rare case of nepotism in the sport of professional wrestling.
Olympia begins bounding into the ropes to test their tautness
Phillip Blauer: If you want my analysis, …
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not at all.
Phillip Blauer: …this Olympia’s got her mind on a dozen other things. She has real estate problems that have caused her to spend time in a Scottish prison, and there are alcoholic spooks involved. The phone calls from her real estate agent and criminal defense attorney alone have got to be taking all of her free time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is true, you can’t deny that she has had some unfortunate distractions coming into this match that caused her to get released by Wrestle: UK.
Olympia goes to her corner with the intensity of a spartan warrior, with an expression on her face and glare in her eyes. She looks at the claymore sword she placed in the corner
Yolanda Ando: Olympia wears an Olympic team jacket and when she takes it off, she reveals tight red, white and blue MMA fighting trunks with the American flag on the front, red, white and blue MMA halter top with the Olympic symbol on the front and red, white and blue tassel wrestling boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Olympia is well aware of Ai Moe’s reputation as a hard worker in the ring, but she thinks her experience advantage will allow her to outwork her. As we saw in Sheffield, England in her match with Kathy Roberts, she has a dangerous ankle lock known as the Golden Lock that could end the match at any moment.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Olympia, Washington…”
Phillip Blauer: There was just no avoiding naming her Olympia. It was kismet.
Greg Jin: “...Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 150 pounds; The former SWAT Amazons Champion…OLYMPIA!!!”
The crowd cheers her loudly because of her family lineage and recognition of her past title reigns
“I Do” by Tayeon plays as Ai blows kisses and poses for the cheering San Francisco fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: After a dominant victory over Jessie Wallace in Sheffield, England, Ai Moe is here to make her debut on an American Hardkore World show, as well as the sometimes demanding West Coast fans.
Ai Moe makes her way down to the ring giving high fives and handshakes to Cow Palace audience members alike.
Phillip Blauer: She looks familiar, where would I know her from?
Guillermo O’Bannon: She’s a former JET Academy Champion as well as holding the JET Trios Championship with Mizuki Nakata & Midori Miyamoto. She is also a former SBW Heavyweight Champion as well as LXW World Women’s Champion
Phillip Blauer: Doesn’t ring a bell.
Guillermo O’Bannon: She also somehow was able to win the FWA Anarchy Championship 69 times.
Phillip Blauer: For some reason that last number is clearing the cobwebs a little.
Ai Moe gets into the ring and slaps her butt, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: She used to be an adult film actress.
Phillip Blauer: Jackpot. I knew it would come to me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But now she wants to spread love and joy all across the World.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t know if I can support that.
Greg Jin: “And her opponent, from Mito, Ibaraki, Japan; Standing 5 feet tall; Weighing 100 pounds; She is The Love Queen…AI MOE!!!”
Moe blows a kiss to the applauding and increasingly rowdy San Francisco crowd
Ai Moe vs. Olympia
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and Olympia circles a smiling Ai Moe. Olympia offers her hand for a test of strength
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia, who is a foot taller than Moe, is offering a test of strength. I’m not sure if Ai Moe wants to go that route with the former gold medalist Olympian.
Phillip Blauer: Why is she smiling back at her?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, she likes smiling. What do you want from me?
Ai Moe happily accepts and puts her hands up for the test of strength. They lock fingers and then begin, but Olympia seems to be at an early advantage
Guillermo O’Bannon: As expected, Olympia seems to have this test of strength pretty well decided. Olympia bending Ai Moe backward into a near bridge.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, now I remember her.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia finishes her off by pushing her nearly across the ring with her raw power.
The audience buzzes from Olympia’s show of power. Olympia smirks and gets a smile from Ai Moe in return. They lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both ladies jockeying for position, and Olympia eventually grabs a side headlock.
Olympia locks her hands together and grinds her forearm across Moe’s temple. She pops her hips and rolls Ai Moe in a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia now on the mat, wearing Moe down with that headlock.
Ai Moe fights her way to her feet, but Olympia hangs on to the headlock. Moe is able to part Olympia’s arms into a top wristlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe converts it into an armbar. She clamps down on Olympia’s arm, while trying to wrench it from its socket.
Olympia grimaces and is bent over in pain while Ai Moe tightens up on the armbar. Olympia uses her free arm to scoop her up and bodyslam her
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe runs right into a japanese armdrag, and then Olympia applies a stepover armlock.
Moe cries out as Olympia wraps Ai’s arm around her calf and shin. Kelly O’Connell checks in but Ai Moe doesn’t answer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe is finally able to scooch over and grab the bottom rope. O’Connell forces Olympia to break the stepover armlock. Moe gets up but gets flipped with a Mexican armdrag. She applies an armbar of her own.
Olympia is on her knee, sticking her other knee into the ball of Moe’s shoulder. She leans back, putting pressure on Ai Moe’s shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe rolls to her feet. She jumps up and monkey flips her way out of the arm bar. She applies a fujiwara armbar!
Moe pushes up with her feet, grinding Olympia’s shoulder into the mat. Kelly O’Connell asks Olympia if she wants to tap out, but she refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both veterans working on the arm early. Olympia tucks her head and rolls out of the fujiwara armbar. She gets up and gets whacked with a judo chop to her chest.
Moe responds with a side kick to the kidneys. Olympia whacks her with a reverse knife edge to the throat. Moe stuns her with a shotei palm strike
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe knocks her to the mat with a savate kick! She applies an Love’s So Pure abdominal stretch.
Moe sticks her foot and leans back on Olympia’s hooked arm. She blows a kiss to the crowd, getting a pop from the males and hard stares from their wives
Phillip Blauer: That must have been for me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sure, if she’s looking for a guy old enough to be her grandfather who sleeps on my couch.
Phillip Blauer: Hey! Sometimes I sleep on the dog bed when that stupid mutt of yours falls for me throwing the ball out the backdoor and shutting him out for the night.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia uses that one foot height advantage and 50 pound weight advantage to hip toss her way out of the Love’s So Pure. She irish whips Moe into the corner and then dropkicks her against the turnbuckles!
The San Francisco crowd lets out a collective “OH” and Moe crumples in the corner. Olympia kicks and stomps her against the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia scoops her up and running powerslams her out of the corner!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ai Moe kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe gets up, but Olympia applies a front chancery. She locks her hands and pulls back on Moe’s head and neck. She then drops down into a code red armbreaker!
Ai Moe clutches her shoulder, but Olympia rolls her over into a keylock. Moe stomps her heels into the mat in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia continue to target Ai Moe’s arm. She pushes down on Moe’s wrist, trying to hyperextend the elbow.
Ai Moe tries to inch to the ropes, but the taller Olympia has her planted on the mat. She starts trying to kip up out of it, but to no avail
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe rolls backwards onto her feet, and slips her arm out of the keylock. Olympia gets onto her hands and knees, but Moe lands a punt kick to her stomach!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” at the sound of Moe’s boot hitting Olympia’s abdomen. Olympina covers her stomach with her hands as she tries to regain her breath. Ai Moe pulls her up into a reverse waistlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe with a delayed german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia rolls her shoulder up!
Ai Moe lifts her up on her shoulders into a fireman’s carry, and then spins her around and round in an airplane spin
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe twirling Olympia in that airplane spin!
Moe puts Olympia back on her feet, and then tornado kicks the dizzy olympian to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe nearly puts her lights out with Love in Action! She applies a guillotine choke!
Ai Moe rocks back on her head and neck, while wrapping her legs around her waist. She leans back, cutting off Olympian’s air. Kelly O’Connell asks Moe
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia is able to power her way out of the guillotine and starts pounding her with right hands!
The fans cheer as Olympia pummels Moe with punches. When she’s finished she climbs up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia jumps off and tries a frankenstiener, but Ai Moe just pushes her to the mat in a powerbomb!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia kicks out!
Ai Moe steps through the ropes, out onto the apron and waves at the fans. The audience cheers and some people wave back. Moe smiles back at them, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe climbs up to the top rope but Olympia climbs up to the second turnbuckle to meet her!
Phillip Blauer: It appears in the time it took her to wave to the neckbeards, Olympia has shaken off the effects of her pileboom.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Powerbomb.
Phillip Blauer: Hmm?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia showing incredible strength by scooping her up while balancing on the second turnbuckle. She bodyslams her over the ropes to the floor below!!
The San Francisco crowd winces as Ai Moe takes an ugly tumble along to the ropes and apron to the floor. Olympia steps back down to the mat, and then runs into the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia baseball slides under the ropes, dropkicking Ai Moe!
The audience lets out an “OH!” at the sound of Ai Moe’s body hitting the steel guardrail. Olympia stands back up and runs into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia somersaults over the ropes and lands on the apron! She turns around and backflips into a moonsault!! Wow!
The Bay Area crowd pops loudly as both ladies lie on the floor, trying to recover
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia pulls her up and irish whips her into the railing!
Ai Moe arches her back against the security rail, and then slides down it to the floor. Olympia pulls her back to her feet by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia irish whips her but Ai reverses it and shoots Olympia into the ring stairs, flipping her head over heels!!
The sound of Olympia’s knees hitting the steel steps rings through The Cow Palace. Olympia holds both of her legs as she rocks back and forth on the floor. Moe picks her up by the hair and rolls her back into the ring, and then slides in behind her
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe tucks Olympia’s head and rolls her forward into a gedo clutch!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia kicks out!
Moe pulls her up and irish whips her into the ropes. She catches her on the way back with a rolling boston crab
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lover’s Clutch! She pulls back on her legs, bending her spine into a U, while putting pressure on those knees that just hit the steel steps.
Phillip Blauer: And this is all through artificial intelligence, eh? The things they can do these days. Amazing.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? No. Her name is Ai.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t follow.
Ai Moe sits back on the boston crab, contorting Olympia in a painful angle. Olympia shakes her head, refusing to give up. Then Olympia tries to do a push up to power out of it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia tucks and rolls out of the Lover’s Clutch! She hits the ropes, and twirls into a Spartan Punch!
Moe goes down like a bag of hammers. Olympia picks her up by the hair and then gorilla presses her over her head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia displaying that raw power! Effortlessly walking around the ring with Ai Moe pressed over her head
The impressed audience applauds. Olympia finally drops her across her knee in a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: Spartan Backbreaker!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ai Moe kicks out!
Olympia pulls her up by the hair but Moe grabs her by the wrist and pulls her into a ripcord hip attack
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe with the Twilight Dance!
Phillip Blauer: Isn’t that a Tuxedo Mask move?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Actually, yes.
Ai Moe climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Olympia sweeps her legs out from under her. Olympia steps through the ropes out onto the apron, and climbs up to the top behind her. She headlocks Moe, and then bulldogs her to the mat
Ai Moe grabs both of Olympia’s arms, so she’s defenseless against a kamigoye knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympus Has Fallen!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"The Olympic Theme" plays and Olympia gets up with her arms raised
Greg Jin: “At 18 minutes 14 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…OLYMPIA!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia puts herself in fierce contention for Domino’s Hardkore Women’s Championship with a win over the JET Academy Champion Ai Moe!
Kelly O’Connell raises Olympia’s arm in victory as Ai Moe gets to her feet, rubbing her face where it hit the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia shakes the hand of Ai Moe in a show of sportsmanship. Both of these ladies are a class act. We’ll have more after this, folks!
(Little Dragon is dressed in his wrestling gear in the locker room as he sits on a bench seat. He raises his head to look into the camera with a look of business all over his face.)
Little Dragon: "Tonight I face a newcomer named Nomad. A man who is quite tough in his debut at the last show and I know it's going to be a war between the two of us. Then again that's the kind of challenges I enjoy when I'm in the ring."
(He continues to stare into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "Nomad I don't know much about you but let me assure you that I'm not going to give you any breaks since I'm not that type of person. You see Nomad you look like a good competitor but I'm not going to let you have any advantages against me. I'm going to show you why I have tradition on my side and why I am one of the best wrestlers in Hardkore World."
(Little Dragon continues to glare intensely into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "You may claim to be good but this is Hardkore World where everyone must prove themselves and your debut wasn't bad but you have to do better than that. Like I said you a good competitor but you have to do better than that to prove yourself against the roster. I already proved myself and tonight I plan to show why I'm one of the best competitors who steps into the ring. I faced some of the best in the business and I shall continue to do so. Nomad you shall be doing the same thing tonight in San Fransisco against me."
(He becomes even more intense.)
Little Dragon: "Here in the City by the Bay it's going to be an epic battle between you and me Nomad. You obviously were a nomad who wondered around from promotion to promotion trying to find a true home. Then you settled with Hardkore World just to compete in one of the most competitive and most storied promotions in the XHF."
(Little Dragon gets up still staring into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "So in moments it's between us in the ring and I don't care how m any matches we have as long as we meet in the ring and see who is the better wrestler. Good luck I'll see you in the ring."
(Little Dragon leaves as the scene slowly fades to black.)
Fade up on Phil and Guillermo at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match between rookie Syrus Wilder, coming off an injury in Manchester and Doc Holiday who made his Hardkore debut on the same show.
“C’mon ‘n Ride It (The Train)” by Quad City DJs plays and the San Francisco audience boos. He walks out with a cast over his right hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder unaccustomed to that kind of reaction, but his opponent tonight, Doc Holiday is a Bay Area native. As we saw at English Rage in Manchester 2024, Syrus Wilder vanquished his rival Alexander Von Blankenship, putting him on a stretcher. But as they led him away, Von Blankeship’s father, the first X Crown Champion Rat Bastard attacked him from behind. He intentionally injured the hand that Wilder used for the iron claw his father, the first Hardkore World Champion, John “Catman” Wilder, taught him.
Phillip Blauer: I thought his Dad was a train?
Guillermo O’Bannon: You thought he was a human being with a train for a father?
Phillip Blauer: I assumed it was a Transformers situation obviously.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder coming into this match at a big disadvantage, with his biggest weapon, the iron claw, unavailable to him.
Phillip Blauer: A one armed locomotive!
Syrus Wilder steps through the ropes and does a locomotion shimmy that the crowd just heckles
Yolanda Ando: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder wears blue dungaree coveralls. He has a Save The Children International to highlight their mission to inspire breakthroughs in the way the world treats children and to achieve immediate and lasting change in their lives. He also has an oval patch above left chest pocket with “SW” with a blue denim engineer’s cap.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, he Hails From The Rails; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds; His Daddy Was A Pistol, So He’s A Son Of A Gun…SYRUS ‘THE STEAM WHISTLE’ WILDER!!!”
The boos visibly shake Syrus Wilder, who gulps and tries to put it out of his head
The Cow Palace goes dark as the beat to "Got it on Me" by Pop Smoke interrupts the darkness
"Look
Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul
Don't let my heart turn cold
Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul
Don't let my heart turn cold
Have mercy on many men
Many, many, many, many men
Wish death 'pon me
Yeah, I don't cry no mo'
I don't look to the sky no mo'
'Cause I got it on me"
Phillip Blauer: This is a little presumptuous, I don’t want to know how to sing his theme song.
A spotlight shines on Doc Holiday as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp, hood up on his black AW wrestling sweatshirt
Phillip Blauer: Have we not offered him a Hardkore World sweatshirt to wear?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think the best we can do is 30% off with a promo code of JONNIE. Doc Holiday went over the pond to hostile territory of wrestling “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall in his hometown of Manchester. Now back in the states with a big reaction for the Oakland native from the Bay Area fans.
Holiday’s head slowly bobs to the music as he walks to the ring looking very focused on the task at hand. The San Francisco fans reach out to touch him as he walks to the ring
Phillip Blauer: I’m sorry, but I can’t approve of him holding up his former company like this. The executives over there have a lot of things to pay for. Buildings, insurance, transportation, executive retreats, bonuses, secret apartments for their mistresses, etc. He should be happy with what they want to pay Dick Halloran.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday.
Phillip Blauer: Hmm?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday. Dick Halloran was the guy from The Shining.
Phillip Blauer: I see. And who is this?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The rigors of travel overseas to Japan in J-ROK have begun to catch up with Doc Holiday recently, but he’s trying to put that all aside tonight as he wrestles in his home territory. He doesn’t sweat the larger Wilder, and thinks despite Syrus saying he wants to be judged solely on his work and not what his father did here in Hardkore World, that’s exactly why he’s here.
Doc stops short of the ring apron, and pauses for a moment before he jumps straight onto the ring apron. He slides under the middle rope, going to the center of the ring where he embraces the cheers from the hometown crowd with a sly smirk and his arms out.
Yolanda Ando: Doc Holiday is wearing some black board shorts with "Doc" on one side, "Holiday" on the other in shiny green satin.
Green pyros go off behind him as he lifts his arms, shooting from left to right and then right to left.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Unlike his last match, Doc is giving up over one hundred pounds. We’ll see if he targets that injured hand to make up for it.
Phillip Blauer: What does the pyro guy do after this match?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Go home, I guess.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Oakland, California…”
The Cow Palace interrupts him with an ear splitting pop. Doc Holiday nods while preparing
Greg Jin: “He stands 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds…DOC HOLIDAY!!!”
The crowd roars as Doc Holiday gets on the middle of the second rope, pumping them up to cheer louder
Doc Holliday vs. Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder
Referee Tommy Milligan signals for the bell. Wilder and Holiday locks up in a collar and elbow tie up. After some struggling, Wilder takes him over in a snapmare.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Derailment!
Holiday rolls right back up to his feet, and they both nod in acknowledgement at one another. Doc cautiously circles Wilder until he locks up with him again
Guillermo O’Bannon: The veteran Holiday drops to a knee and takes him over into a fireman’s carry. He tries to hip toss him, but Syrus blocks it. Wilder counters with a hip toss of his own!
Doc sits up but Wilder gets behind him and locks on a chicken wing. Holiday struggles to get to his feet as the bigger Steam Whistle keeps him planted on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc back on his feet, but Wilder has the hammerlock behind him. He cranks up on Holiday’s wrist, trying to hyperextend the elbow.
The fans jeer. Holiday is able to wriggle out, but Wilder maintains his wrist and gives him an arm twist
Phillip Blauer: He was able to get out of that for a fleeting moment because of The Train Man’s bum wing. Mr. Butterfingers all of a sudden.
Syrus Wilder twists Doc’s arm. He gives Holiday’s arm another good twist, and Doc winces in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday ducks under and gives Syrus a receipt on that arm twist, twisting Wilder’s arm now.
Phillip Blauer: That’s gotta smart with a broken hand.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pops Syrus with a hook kick!
The audience cheers. Holiday drapes his arm out, and leg drops the inside of his elbow and wrist. Wilder snatches his arm back and cries out in pain
Phillip Blauer: I’ve gotta say, this Dr. Holiday is a horrible example of the medical community to go after the injured hand like that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not a doctor, Phil, but these are both trained fighters, and they have got to take every advantage they can. Especially considering Wilder is so much larger than him. Holiday irish whips Wilder into the ropes and trips him to the mat with a drop toehold.
Syrus Wilder instinctually uses his right arm to brace his fall and his bad hand hits the canvas. Wilder yelps in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus stumbles up to his feet but Doc catches him with a dropkick!
The Cow Palace pops. Syrus Wilder has trouble pulling himself up by the ropes with one hand and Doc Holiday runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc hits him with a diving shoulder block but he bounces right off him!
Phillip Blauer: That was like seeing a locomotive vs. a fly! Or an antacid vs. Kilroy’s first dinner of the night.
The impressed crowd buzzes with curiosity. Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder scoops Doc Holiday up and bodyslams him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The B & O!
Doc Holiday arches his back in pain, and then falls back to the mat. Syrus Wilder cocks his cast in prepration for a fistdrop but pauses; looking at his right hand. He shakes his head, no
Guillermo O’Bannon: Elbow drop by Syrus Wilder!
…ONE!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder could have used the cast as a weapon there, but decided against it. He doesn’t want to turn into someone like Rat Bastard and Alexander Von Blankenship.
Phillip Blauer: Why not? They’re getting a Hardkore World Tag Team title match in their first match as a team. AVB gets into the most exclusive nightclubs, and Rat Bastard is banned from ever returning to Ribero Steakhouse. I’ve heard there’s a bounty from the owners on getting that jacket back.
The San Francisco crowd boos. Holiday stands up and Syrus Wilder catches him from behind with a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder pushes Doc’s chin into his chest, putting severe pressure on the back of his neck. However, with that broken hand, he can’t lock his fingers together and Doc slips out of it. He gives Wilder a jab!
Doc Holiday gets some distance and hits another straight right hand. Wilder responds with his right hand, but stops short because of the cast
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday takes advantage of his hesitancy with a left hook!
Phillip Blauer: The big dumb lummox is going to get killed with this point he’s trying to make to kids that shouldn’t still be awake at 1am to watch.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder rocks Holiday with an elbow! He grabs him by the hair and headbutts him!
Holidays eyes cross, and then Syrus clocks him with a left hook with his good arm. He smashes him with a left cross
Guillermo O’Bannon: This has broken down into a brawl! Doc Holiday backs him up with an uppercut. Wilder smacks him with a karate chop to the chest.
Wilder cracks Holiday with another hard chop that leaves a welt. Doc answers with right cross across Syrus’ chin
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder pulls him in and smashes him with a couple of knees to double him over. He floors Holiday with a left uppercut!
The audience jeers. Wilder looks around, slightly confused, and pulls Holiday to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pops Wilder in the eye with a right jab, but Syrus answers with a kick to his stomach.
Syrus Wilder hits him in both temples with a double chop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Detroit Chop! Doc Holiday responds by raking Syrus’ eyes with his fingernails!
The fans pop for Doc’s dirty work while both men recover from the fist fighting.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday twirls around into a spinning back fist that stuns Wilder! Holiday backflips into a pele kick that catches Wilder right between the eyes!
Syrus Wilder teeters but he doesn’t fall down. Doc Holiday grabs him in a headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday runs to the center of the ring, bulldogging Wilder’s face into the mat!
The Cow Palace erupts as Holiday finally gets the big man down. He pulls Wilder back to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday catches him with a flying headscissors takedown!
Syrus Wilder sits up from the impact and then falls back down. Doc Holiday grabs him by the leg and struggles to turn him over
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday finally turns him over into a single leg boston crab!
Phillip Blauer: Listen to these people cheer crab related submissions. The same way they charge $100 for a crab dinner with a straight face. And that’s if you can even find parking, which guess what? You can’t!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday sits back low, bending back on Wilder’s kneecap!
Tommy Milligan checks in, but Syrus Wilder refuses to give up. Wilder reaches out towards the ropes, but then Holiday cranks back on the half crab
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder using that 6 inch height advantage to strain his fingers out until he grabs onto the bottom rope!
The audience boos as Tommy Milligan tells Holiday to release the single leg boston crab, and then gives him a 5 count to break it. Holiday eventually relents
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pulls him up and irish whips him, but Wilder reverses it and shoots Doc into the ropes. The Steam Whistle nearly decapitates him with a big boot!
The air goes out of the Cow Palace. Syrus drops to his knees and makes the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Syrus Wilder scoops Doc up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Caboose!
Doc Holiday arches his back in pain as the fans jeer. Syrus Wilder bounces into the ropes and hits him between the eyes with a knee drop
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Norfolk Kneedrop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder irish whips him into the ropes. He dips down for a backdrop, but Doc Holiday drills his head into the mat with a snap DDT!
The Cow Palace erupts in cheers and starts chanting “DOC! DOC! DOC!” Holiday steps through the ropes out onto the apron. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holliday with a springboard cross body!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syrus Wilder kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday irish whips him into the ropes and catches him with a spinning back kick!
Wilder stumbles back a few steps but doesn’t fall. Doc grabs him from behind and stands back to back with him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Wilder sits up, clutching the back of his neck. He gets up, but ducks a left hook from Holiday, getting him up on his shoulder with a back suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Boilermaker!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday rolls his shoulder up!
Syrus Wilder scoops him up and drives Holiday’s head into the canvas with a tombstone
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coal Shovel!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Syrus Wilder gets to his feet and bounces into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday rolls out of the way for a leg drop!
The crowd cheers. Wilder has some trouble getting to his feet with his injured hand, while Doc measures him from afar
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday tattoos the struggling Syrus with a punt kick!
The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Holiday’s boot hitting Wilder’s skull. Doc walks over and positions himself over Wilder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc flips into a standing 450 splash!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syrus Wilder kicks out!
As Syrus rolls over onto his stomach, Doc Holiday grabs his crippler crossface on Syrus Wilder. The crowd leaps to their feet and erupt in jubilation
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Million Dollar Dream! He pulls up on that injured hand, while peeling back Wilder’s head with his locked hands.
Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to submit, but Syrus shakes his head. The crowd is jumping up and down at a fever pitch
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday uses his legs to push back on The Million Dollar Dream, putting pressure on Syrus’ neck and shoulder, not to mention his hand. Syrus Wilder reaches out for the ropes with his free hand. but he’s too far away.
The Cow Palace chants “DOC! DOC! DOC!” Tommy Milligan again asks Wilder if he’s ready to tap out, but doesn’t get an answer
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc cranks back on The Million Dollar Dream and it looks as though Syrus Wilder is beginning to fade. Wilder taps out to end this!!
The fans let out a deafening roar as "Got it On Me" by Pop Smoke plays. Doc Holiday releases The Million Dollar Dream and leaps to his feet
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 46 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…DOC HOLIDAY!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday with a big win here tonight over the big man, here near his hometown, as he goes into Hardkore Helloween 2024!
Doc Holiday rolls out to the ring and slaps hands with some fans, and recognizes some friends and family out in the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans we have NOMAD and Little Dragon! Don’t go away!
(The arena is plunged into pitch black for a few moments and many of the crowd respond by turning on their phone torches. After a short pause in the darkness, a single flame flickers into life - followed by another, then another. The opening strings of "Seven Nation Army" by Stantough come into play and the crowd roar.)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here comes the Hardkore West Coast Champion, the self proclaimed King of the West, the great Syberus!
Phillip Blauer: Now here's a guy that's taken one too many rounds with Kilroy Evans.
(The curtains part and it's not King Syberus that makes his way down first; it's a swathe of servants dressed in medieval gear holding platters of food, pouring goblets of wine and handing them out, jesters and dancers and flute players cavorting alongside them. A hog roast is wheeled down the ramp on a wooden cart.)
Phillip Blauer: Well alright, let's party like it's 1100AD!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It seems like the King has sent forward a banquet for his people. Let me get in on some of that quail.
Phillip Blauer: That's good quail.
(A second roar greets the emergence of the King, Syberus is wearing his full medieval garb; chainmail and tabbard and crown, carried out on his throne as usual by a host of jobbers. He waves a royal wave to the amassed people as his procession keeps coming with more food, handing it out to ringside and setting up banquet tables outside the ring. Syberus is lowered to a point he can step down and climbs through the ropes into the ring, before stepping up on a turnbuckle and raising both hands in the air with a wave, the Hardkore West Coast title visible around his waist.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Looks like Syberus has something to say ahead of his big grudge match with Roscoe Law - a match that dates back over 15 years - is that sourdough?
Phillip Blauer: I can't believe this isn't butter!
Servant: 'tis butter m'lord.
(The music dies down as King Syberus grabs a microphone.)
King Syberus: Yes! Yes! Eat and be merry. For I, your noble King, have arrived to banish the knaves that plague these realms.
(A polite cheer, Phil claps with a chicken leg in his mouth.)
King Syberus: First - I must set out a Kingly decree against the most fowl miscreant that is...
...Marty Donovan...
(His assembled servants boo and hiss and stamp their feet.)
King Syberus: Martholomew... you think that you've seen the last of King Syberus? That your sickening acts, against the King's Royal decree at English Rage in Manchester will go unpunished?
(One of Syberus's most loyal lords climbs into the ring with a velvet pillow, ontop of which is a sheathed sword. Syberus unsheathes the sword, revealing clearly the most awful prop sword ever seen that would look cheap for a bad 90's straight to VHS adventure film. King Syberus's entourage though gasp in awe.)
King Syberus: BEHOLD! The lady of the lake bequeathed unto me the Righteous Blade. A truer steel this world hasn't seen since the days of olde. Martholomew, you WILL taste my steel. And my steel will taste you. I WILL DRIVE (he makes a theatrical jab with the sword that his loyal lord has to dodge) my Righteous Blade into your darkest regions, and banish you to the abyss from whence you came!!!
Phillip Blauer: Wait, what's he saying?
Guillermo O'Bannon (carving his beef with a napkin tucked into his shirt now): I 'unno.
King Syberus: MARTY DONOVAN! You got lucky. You got lucky. You were pitted against the great King Syberus when the winds of fate weren't at my back. You took advantage like a scoundrel and had the audacity to deny me the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Can you think of a greater sin??
(He looks around at his retinue who all shake their heads).
King Syberus: Believe me, Marty. You and me aren't finished. Do you think I'm just going to let you walk around my company with my belt, acting like you're actually the best this promotion has got? Sooner or later, I'm going to catch you again on that card and I'm going to fold you like a fucking deck chair son. Uh, I mean smite thee like the knave that you are!!
Loyal Lord: HUZZAH FOR THE KING!!
Everyone: HUZZAH!!
King Syberus: Now onto the topic at hand. Roscoe Law. Let me tell you something Roscoe, something that you wouldn't understand since you've never been Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. You don't forget the feeling of having that legendary belt around your waist; and then not. The night you decided to take matters into your hands and rob me of that title signed your death warrant. Whether it was the next day, a few months later, or here and now in the year of our lord 2024, I will never forgive you. I will never stop carrying out that sentence. When you come for me tonight, don't think this is just some title match for me like against Anthony Jordan where I can just phone it in and win by default.
You hurt me, and now I'm going to hurt you. You cost me the belt, now I'm going to cost you the ability to walk, and possibly eat without a tube, you absolute fucking melt.
Roscoe, don't you get it? You're not just going in a full body cast tonight, they're gonna have to get out here with a squeegee and a waterproof bag to collect what's left of you when I'm done. I'm gonna suplex you to the heavens you old fuck, I'm going to bash your face into the earth.
You will never, ever escape my wrath.
It will never fade.
I will never forget.
This isn't some fluff that will blow over one day and Jonnie bands us together in some legends tag team to face the heels. I'm not gonna be sliding into your DMs asking you to restart the Society of the New Breed with me. Don't worry about that - you catch me in that locker room Roscoe, and there won't be a match because I'll knock you the fuck out then and there.
(Syberus looks into the camera.)
King Syberus: Roscoe. Read my lips. You are dead. You're a dead man walking, you're about to step into the ring with THE most elite wrestler that Hardkore World has ever seen. I know that for a few months it seems like I've been joking around, taking it easy, well let me assure you Roscoe.
As ill timed as it might be for you.
I am not fucking around anymore.
YOU are the first step on my path back to the top. Back to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
It's mine.
It's mine because I'm the best, and not you nor Marty Donovan come even close. This right here? (He pats the West Coast title) This is mine too, don't think for one second you're taking it - it's gold, and gold has always been gold.
Tonight, my Righteous Blade will severe your head from it's pitiful shoulders, you knave. And justice will be done.
Now, dance, eat, drink all! And be merry! HUZZAH!!!
Everyone: HUZZAH!!
("Seven Nation Army" by Stantough plays again and Syberus drops the mic, holding the sword aloft in one hand and the West Coast title belt in the other.)
Guillermo O'Bannon (dabbing his mouth with a napkin): Well there you have it folks, an intense King Syberus determined not to go down to Roscoe Law tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah yeah, what you said. Is there cranberry sauce?
(The camera fades.)
Fade up to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up next is a match between the returning Little Dragon, taking on former Tap Out Champion NOMAD!
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames before "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator before images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, soaking in the loud pop from the San Francisco fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon making his way back to Hardkore World after taking off nearly a year due to injuries sustained in last year’s Hardkore Helloween, with the numerous lacerations and being piledriven on the concrete by Kalmin Watts. But now he’s rejuvenated, visiting San Francisco’s ComiCon.
Phillip Blauer: A year out in injury and he can afford to pay $24.50 for a cafeteria cheeseburger?? ATM Jonnie must be passing out the big checks now.
Little Dragon storms ringside, slapping the hands of the fans craning over the railing. When he reaches the ring, Little Dragon leaps over the top rope luchador style and forward rolls his feet into a dragon stance
Yolanda Ando: Little Dragon wears a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin. His waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face, arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Little Dragon is glad to see NOMAD over here on the West Coast after admiring his work in Tap Out in Vegas. He’s looking to test him out in the ring after watching so much tape of him over the past year.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 225 pounds…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The kids in the audience are especially vocal in the pop for Little Dragon
Lights out. White flashes in time with a screeching ringing sound. Three times... Three more... A hulking figure bursts through the curtain into the view of the crowd as the lights flash on and off to “Show Me The Body” by Aspirin. The masked NOMAD stands there, bobbing slightly to the drumbeat.
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD’s confidence is at an all time high. He wants the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, but is willing to wait for when the time is right.
NOMAD takes his time in surveying his surroundings before he begins making his way toward the ring, ignoring the hands that reach or swipe at him from over the barriers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s been on quite a tear recently, defeating Dana “The Drone” Daniels in Laughlin, Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen and Moondog Dook in Sheffield. But tonight he takes on the high flying violent Little Dragon to really make his mark here on the West Coast…
NOMAD climbs the closest set of stairs and kneels at the top while the song builds.
Phillip Blauer: Shh. I think he likes this part of his song.
NOMAD jumps up, then walks along the apron and steps between the ropes, whipping the balaclava off as he does. He approaches the center of the ring with arms outstretched, holding the mask in one hand. Then he simply makes his way to the near corner prepares for the match to start
Guillermo O’Bannon: While NOMAD respects Little Dragon, he is not here to make lifelong friends, he’s here to get in contention for Marty Donovan’s Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and win over Little Dragon can do just that.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, from Colville, Washington; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds…He is The Wanderer…NOMAD!!!”
The Cow Palace cheers while NOMAD stares at Little Dragon
NOMAD vs. Little Dragon
Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson looks to his right and sees Little Dragon, the Hardkore World mainstay keeps moving as he bounces from one foot to another. The gaze of the Chinese fighter falls firmly on the last Tap Out Openweight Champion, his expression one of steeled determination. To Richie’s left stands NOMAD. He coldly stares across the ring at what the Valentine family have put in front of him as he stoically stands tall, no movement from the Violent Wanderer. With a quick glance to the timekeeper’s table, Richardson calls for the bell!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time coming out from his corner and darts forward towards the Master of the Backdrop Driver with a quick flurry of forearm smashes, but NOMAD remains standing!
The audience buzzes, impressed. For a millisecond the eagle-eyed viewer might have sworn they saw a smile flicker across Sloane’s face
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD returns the forearms smashes with a huge chop! A forearm smash follows the chop! Another blistering knife edge chop staggers Little Dragon back!
A huge forearm smash nearly knocks Dragon to the mat but he stubbornly remains upright but off balance.
Taking advantage, NOMAD grabs the arm of his opponent and irish him into the turnbuckle with a huge thud
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dragon of All Trades can’t stop himself from recoiling forward from the impact, but NOMAD charges in with a huge european uppercut.
Somehow not dropping to the mat, Dragon lurches forward and finds himself resting his head against NOMAD
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Washington native, hooks the arm and gives him a twisting exploder suplex into the turnbuckle!!
Crowd: LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: Slumped in the corner, Dragon is powerless to stop NOMAD’s next move as he gets wrist control. Another huge irish whip into the opposite turnbuckle. Dragon, once more, staggers out from the corner into a big boot!
The Cow Palace chants “LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT!” Giving himself a beat, NOMAD waits for Dragon to stir. Seeing the Chinese fighter running on pride, adrenaline, and instinct start to get to his feet, NOMAD leans into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD swings the arm…
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No! Dragon ducks, springboard DDT connects and NOMAD’s taken off his feet!!
Kipping up, Dragon’s legs fail him momentarily but he quickly recovers. NOMAD starts to rise
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD eats a basement dropkick to the face!
NOMAD is battling to get back to his feet and as he does so he rushes forward
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon catches him with a Japanese arm drag! NOMAD rolls back to his feet but a Mexican Arm Drag takes him back to the mat. He grabs an armbar on NOMAD. The last time Little Dragon was here in San Francisco was in February of 2023 when he lost to Ruben Bowman.
Briefly holding an arm bar in place, Little Dragon switches tact as he brings NOMAD to his feet. He drops the arm and throws a kick but it’s caught
Guillermo O’Bannon: Backflip from Little Dragon, and ghettoblaster catches NOMAD on the back of the head!
Keen to keep the momentum moving, Dragon drags NOMAD back to his feet and grabs an arm. He looks for the Irish Whip but t’s reversed
Guillermo O’Bannon: Baseball slide catches NOMAD sleeper, Little Dragon comes up behind him with a backstabber!
A chant is growing within The Cow Palace “LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Phillip Blauer: Typical San Francisco wishy washy elites can’t decide on the babyface here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Emboldened, Little Dragon quickly slips between the ropes and climbs to the top. He flips into a shooting star that connects!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NOMAD kicks out!
Dragon shakes off the shock of the kickout and fixes his mask. He grabs wrist control as he brings NOMAD back to a standing base
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pulls the cord, but NOMAD answers with a jumping knee!!
The audience cheers and Dragon drops to a knee. NOMAD takes to the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a leg lariat that catches Dragon as he tries to stand back up! NOMAD, almost insulted by Dragon’s resolve, unloads with a series of vicious and snapped boots to the body of his opponent.
Phillip Blauer: It is kind of insulting if you think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: How??
Phillip Blauer: (points to his temple) I said think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Violent Wanderer wrenches Dragon from the mat and immediately sets about delivering a series of forearm shots to the temple of his opponent that knock the Hong Kong grappler to their knees.
Reaching down, NOMAD lifts up the smaller fighter and scoops him up on his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD drops him on his head with a northern lights bomb and then makes a cover nonchalantly.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Using the mask to bring Dragon back to his feet, NOMAD once again whips his opponent into the corner with such force that his neck violently snaps back
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD lifts Little Dragon up on his shoulders and then tosses him into an emerald flowsion!!
Sloane looks down with a withering look at his opponent. He pulls the still stunned Dragon to his feet and steps back
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD spins around into a discus lariat but Little Dragon ducks it and counters it with a northern lights suplex!
Richardson drops down to the mat to make the count but Dragon breaks the bridge before a count can begin. Little Dragon rushes to the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon with the asai moonsault and this time he stays for the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NOMAD kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: With dogged determination, Little Dragon immediately moves to his next gambit and lifts the leg of the last Tap Out Openweight Champion. He spins around the leg, but NOMAD catches him with a small package!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both fighters are immediately back to their feet but Little Dragon takes his momentum and clocks him with a superman punch!
Seeing the bigger man rocked, Little Dragon runs to the corner and hops up to the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon with a turnaround springboard dropkick that takes the big man off his feet!
The San Francisco crowd cheers the move. Little Dragon dashes to the corner and leaps in a single jump to the top rope. NOMAD gets back to his feet as Dragon leaps
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD catches him in mid air with a bear hug! He adjusts and lifts him suplex style into a kneecap brainbuster!!
For a moment, NOMAD looks like he’ll try for a pin but changes his mind and forces Dragon back to his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD pulls him up into a full nelson. He thrashes him from side to side for a bit, then lifts him up into a full nelson neckbreaker!
Little Dragon’s neck bounces off the mat. A cruel grin spreads across NOMAD’s face as he once more forces the Chinese fighter back up. He irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a pop up death valley driver!!
Reaching down again, NOMAD lines Dragon up for his next volley of offense. He whips Little Dragon to the ropes and follows him in. Dragon comes off the ropes and turns around in the center of the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lariat!!
The San Francisco audience yells “LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Dropping to his knees. NOMAD makes the cover.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Show Me The Body” by Aspirin plays and NOMAD stands up with his arms raised
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 34 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…NOMAD!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a statement win here in San Francisco, heading into Hardkore Helloween 2024. Coming up we have The Sheik and Captain Righteous!
Shock Collars! They help dog’s modify their behavior.
Dog barks at a child, but gets zapped and yelps
But what if you’re a middle aged white guy who cannot stop using 25 year old rap lingo whenever you are in the presence of black co-workers?
Three co-workers are speaking when a new guy walks up.
Dave: Jerry. Kent, How’s it going? Joe, Word is bond.
Everyone sighs and walks away from Dave. He shrugs at the camera
Well now, you can quit that annoying habit.
Joe is talking about a new project to his employees at a staff meeting.
Joe: Jerry, we’re gonna have you handle the coordination between the two departments.
Jerry: Yes, sir.
Joe: Kent, we’ll have you look over the numbers and make sure they match up.
Kent: Got it.
Joe: Dave, you’re going to make sure Jerry and Kent have lunch.
Dave: For shizzle, my…
Dave yelps in pain as he clutches at his shock collar.
Joe: Dave, are you alright?
Dave: (labored breathing) Absolutely. Yes, sorry. Let me get those sandwiches. I’m out-y like 5 Gs…(clutches his neck and falls to the floor) Mother of God…
Kent: (to Dave under the table) I’ll take an Italian sub, no mustard, light mayo.
Dave gets up and almost says something stupid but touches the shock collar and takes a deep breath
Dave: Got it. Now, time to go make this cheddar!
Dave clutches his shock collar and falls back to the floor, writhing in agony
Dave: (jolting) Pimpin ain’t easy!!
Smoke starts rising from an off camera Dave as his co-workers seem slightly concerned
Also works for old Family Guy references!
‘Seasons in the Abyss’ by Stone Sour hits, and the San Francisco fans boo as Malcolm Xavier Graves comes out first. The jeers grow louder as The Sheik storms from the back, pointing at the heavens before he snarls and spits. He shoves past Graves, heading for the ring to roll inside
Phillip Blauer: Oh, he did show up.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He did. Malcolm Xavier Graves had made threats of no showing this event, The Sheik is in a foul mood after losing to Lord Dominicus at English Rage in Manchester 2024.
Phillip Blauer: Well, would you be happy if you lost to Lord Dominicus at English Rage in Manchester 2024?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess not.
Phillip Blauer: Try walking a mile in his pointed shoes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik is looking to score a big win here against the previously undefeated Captain Righteous to get back into West Coast and Hardkore World title shot contention.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, The Challenger; accompanied to the ring by his manager Malcolm Xavier Graves, From The Empty Quarter, Arabia; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Man from Rub' al Khali…THE SHEIK!!!”
A choir of children begin to sing after a lengthy sinister haunting piano melody is played, searchlights look around the arena for none other than Captain Righteous who comes floating down while being lowered from above. His cape flaps majestically as he rests both hands on his waist, smiling and scanning the booing crowd below.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous is also looking to forget his trip to Manchester, after losing the Country Whipping Match to Dan Stein. Tonight, he’s got a new opponent in his sights, the wild Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: What I thought was most fascinating in his vignette was the revelation that he didn’t actually lose to Dan Stein.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? Yes he did.
Phillip Blauer: That’s what I thought too, which is why I was so grateful when I heard it was all a terrible fever dream we must have suffered together. A mass hysteria. Like the Dancing Plague of 1518 or pogs.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, whatever Captain Righteous chooses to believe, he did lose to Dan Stein in Manchester, and whatever happens here tonight with The Sheik will be just as legitimate.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, from Manhattan, Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds; The Hardkore Superhero…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”
Captain Righteous waves at the jeering and hostile crowd
The Sheik vs. Captain Righteous
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and The Sheik jumps Captain Righteous
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hammering Righteous in the corner with rights and kicks. He grabs him by the arm and irish whips him into the corner. He follows him in with a heel kick!
Sheik with a gut punch to in the corner, and tries to irish whip him, but Righteous reverses it and shoots him into the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous follows him into the corner with a back elbow!
Righteous grabs the ropes and rams his shoulder into Sheik’s stomach over and over, and then drop toeholds him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous scoops him up and drops him into a backbreaker.
Captain Righteous pulls Sheik up by the hair, and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous back drops The Sheik up in the air, but Sheik lands on his feet! He basement dropkicks Righteous’ feet out from under him.
The Sheik grabs the rope for leverage and starts stomping and kicking him. He pulls Righteous up into a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik DDTs Righteous head into the canvas! He runs off the ropes and hits a quick leg drop.
…ONE!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Look how far he pushed him off!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik going to have to do a lot more to put Captain Righteous away. He irish whips Righteous into the ropes, but the Hardkore Superhero comes back with a flying shoulder tackle!
Captain Righteous pulls him up and butterflies The Sheik’s arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous double underhook suplexes The Sheik across the ring!
Sheik sits up in pain. Righteous walks over to him and crisply pulls him up to his feet, and then lifts him on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous drops back into a samoan drop!
The Sheik holds his stomach and rolls to his side. The audience jeers. Captain Righteous scoops him up and walks over to the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous comes out of the corner with a running powerslam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with a missile dropkick!
The San Francisco fans boo as Righteous sits up and smiles at them. Malcolm Xavier Graves threatens him from ringside. Righteous pulls Sheik up and irish whips him into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope and jumps back into a springboard back elbow!
Captain Righteous stumbles up to his feet, but Sheik grabs two handfuls of his hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik sits out into a facebuster!
Malcolm Xavier Graves instructs The Sheik to climb up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off with a diving leg drop!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik applies a lebell lock! He locks his hands together and rocks back on Righteous’ head and arm!
The Cow Palace boos as Sheik peels back on Captain Righteous’ upper body. Kelly O’Connell checks into see if Righteous wants to tap out, but he refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Sheik was in San Francisco was back in February of 2023, when he lost to Kalmin Watts. He’s trying to come out tonight as the winner by making the Hardkore Superhero tap out!
Captain Righteous uses his long frame to scooch inch by inch until he grabs onto the bottom rope. Kelly O’Connell taps The Sheik to break the lebell lock but he refuses as MXG urges him to keep it on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous has the rope but The Sheik is ignoring Kelly O’Connell’s commands.
Phillip Blauer: Do they not have rules in Rub' al Khali?!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell laying in the five count, and The Sheik finally breaks the lebell lock at four!
The Sheik pulls Captain Righteous up and pulls his head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a piledriver, but Captain Righteous backdrops his way out of it!
Captain Righteous shakes some feeling into his arm, and The Sheik gets up to his knees
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous tags The Sheik with a shining wizard!
The Cow Palace lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Righteous’ boot meeting The Sheik’s skull
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous gorilla presses The Sheik over his head!
Righteous walks around the ring as the boos rain down on him, effortlessly carrying Sheik over his head until he dropped him on his knee in a gutbuster. Sheik flops around the mat, holding his abdomen. Captain Righteous climbs to the top turnbuckle
Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous is about to fly!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous dives off the top with a flying headbutt!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous applies an inverted indian deathlock. He bridges back, putting pressure on Sheik’s twisted legs.
Malcolm Xavier Graves pounds on the apron and demands that Sheik not submit. Sheik does a push up, trying to power out of it, but Captain Righteous isn’t budging
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous presses his boot on the back of Sheik’s heel, grinding those knees of The Sheik.
Kelly O’Connell asks The Sheik if he wants to give up, but he shakes his head. Captain Righteous eventually gives up and releases the inverted indian deathlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik finally out of the inverted indian deathlock, and struggles to stand near the ropes. Righteous comes barreling in with a clothesline, but The Sheik backdrops him up and over the ropes!
The fans cheer Captain Righteous’ predicament, while The Sheik waits in the ring for him to stand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik slingshots himself over the ropes into a plancha on Captain Righteous!
Both men lie on the floor as the audience boos them. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik back up to his feet, and hands him a steel chair
Phillip Blauer: He’s got a chair! Everyone run! Handsome announcers and children first!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik brings that chair down on the skull of Captain Righteous with a sickening clang!!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” as Captain Righteous wears the chair around his neck, before falling to the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik pulls Captain Righteous up into a front facelock, and then DDTs him onto the concrete!!
Phillip Blauer: That’s the move that gave Bonnie Steamboat the keys to Ricky’s career. No one was home after that.
The audience heckles Malcolm Xavier Graves as The Sheik rolls onto the apron. Righteous pulls himself up by the railing, while Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik backflips into an asai moonsault that knocks Righteous into the railing!!
Malcolm Xavier Graves puts another chair on the apron. He helps The Sheik to his feet. Sheik pulls Righteous up by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. Graves enters the ring and puts the chair over Righteous’ face
Guillermo O’Bannon: What is Malcolm Xavier Graves doing? He needs to stop interfering in this match.
Phillip Blauer: A good fisherman has all his tools at the ready.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik comes off the top with an arabian skullcrusher leg drop with the chair over Righteous’ face!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a slingblade, but Righteous reverses it into a one armed sidewalk slam!
Captain Righteous dead lift gut wrenches Sheik up and then drops to his knees in a ganso bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous Indoctrination!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"For the Damaged Coda" by Blonde Redhead plays and a woozy Captain Righteous waves to the jeering audience
Greg Jin: “At 14 minutes 44 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”
Phillip Blauer: These people should be thanking him. He disarmed a wild man with a chair. Do you honestly think he would have stopped at him?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous gets a big win over the former Hardkore West Coast Champion The Sheik. He now will turn his attention towards…
The Sheik gets up and picks up the chair again
Phillip Blauer: Look out, he’s got the chair again!
Captain Righteous nervously backs out of the ring and backs down the aisle way. When he’s a safe distance away, he turns and smiles at the crowd, waving at them again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous running for the high ground, but The Sheik has turned his attention to unwrapping his wrist tape.
Malcolm Xavier Graves pleads with The Sheik to stop as he continues unraveling the tape
Phillip Blauer: Oh, we’ve done it now.
Guillermo O’Bannon: MXG trying to make cooler heads prevail, but The Sheik has left him in the ring!
Bad acting Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. is standing in front of a Hardkore World banner with a glass of milk.
Larry Valentine Jr.: …
Phillip Blauer: (off camera) Cue! Cue!
Larry Valentine Jr.: (blinks) … Oh man. … It sure is hot today. I wish…I wish I had something more refreshing than this almond milk…that I left out overnight.
*magical chime*
Phil Blauer appears next to him
Phillip Blauer: Don’t worry, Dr. Phil has the cure for what ails ya. The iced tea I’ve been serving in my home for years is now available for Poors like you. It’s Phil’s Pure-a-Tea. The only pure iced tea.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Why…why. Why I’d like a glass of that.
Phil hands him the glass of iced tea. Larry takes a drink and makes a face, then gulps it down
Larry Valentine Jr.: Ugh…I mean, boy does that go down smooth. What’s your secret Dr. Phil?
Phillip Blauer: I shouldn’t tell you this, but just between you, me, and the 12 people that don’t fast forward through commercials I only use non-potable water. Do you know what that is?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I don’t feel so good.
Phillip Blauer: Have another sip.
Larry takes another sip, winces, and then drinks from the almond milk left out overnight as a chaser
Phillip Blauer: Non-potable water is water that is free from pot. Yes, you see hippies try and dose use with their whacky weed, so we’ll see things their way, drop out and beg on the street with a mangy dog for sympathy. That’s why ‘s Pure-a-Tea.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Why are there chunks in it?
Phillip Blauer: Flavor crystals.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Ah.
Phillip Blauer: So run on down to the concession stand and order a tall glass of Dr. Phil’s Pure-a-Tea!
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the number one contender match to decide who will be facing the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion at Hardkore Helloween 2024.
“The Best" by Tina Turner plays and The Cow Palace boos. “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan walks out from behind the curtain and stops to survey the hostile San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan went to a time limit draw with Hardkore West Coast Champion King Syberus at Night of Champions in Paris, then beat him by countout in Sheffield.
Phillip Blauer: He’s got Burger King Syberus figured out, he just needs one more match to knock him off his throne.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Be that as it may, now tonight he has a chance to get a shot at another championship, the Hardkore World Heavyweight title if he can beat former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion “The Punisher” Dan Stein here tonight in San Francisco.
Anthony Jordan both slowly walk to the ring. He gives his goofy grin and drinks in the boos from the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This will definitely be an interesting match up, with the mat proficiency of Anthony Jordan against the brute force of Dan Stein.
Yolanda Ando: Anthony Jordan wears black and yellow long tights with black boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The last time Anthony Jordan was in this town was back in February of 2023 when he managed Kalmin Watts to a victory over The Sheik. Tonight he hopes to be successful on his own with a win that will catapult him into the main event of Hardkore Helloween 2024.
Anthony Jordan gets to the ring and plays to the jeering fans before getting into his corner.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit, and it is to determine the number one contender to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from the Mississippi Gulf Coast; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds…’THE ROLE MODEL’ ANTHONY JORDAN!!!”
The Cow Palace boos
Suddenly the Cow Palace darkens, and the reassuring tones of Ron Burgundy are heard.
Ron Burgundy: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Hardkore fans of San Francisco! Can I please have your attention? I have been handed an urgent... and horrifying news story! The Danimal has entered the building!”
The lights abruptly come on again and the crowd erupts. "Seal The Deal" by Volbeat plays as “The Punisher” Dan Stein and his lovely manager Domino make their way to the ring area, Domino has the Hardkore Women’s Championship strapped around her waist. She’s smiling and high-fiving the fans while Stein walks to the ring with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face. They walk past signs that say “The Danimal”, and “Dan The Man”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein is hoping Marty Donovan holds onto his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship tonight against Kilroy Evans in the falls count anywhere match. That way, if he can defeat Anthony Jordan tonight, he can face Marty at Hardkore Helloween where those two have quite a history.
Phillip Blauer: Well, he can file that away with Steve Perry going back to Journey and his other wishes, because neither are gonna happen, Danny.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein doesn’t think Jordan is ready for him, he believes he’s better than Roscoe Law, who Jordan split the series with.
Phillip Blauer: I hope he doesn’t start something with Roscoe, we’ll lose the last of our Under 40 demo.
Yolanda Ando: “The Punisher” Dan Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots. His elbow is wrapped.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Dan’s injuries are as healed as they’re ever going to be, and so he feels more dangerous than he has in years.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Domino; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is The One Who Knocks…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
The Cow Palace cheers loudly as Dan Stein takes off his sunglasses and raises his Peacemaker in the air
Number One Contender Match
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Dan Stein and Anthony Jordan lock up. Jordan does a go behind on him into a rear waistlock. Stein just smiles as Jordan struggles to flip him over and down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein not budging as Jordan trying to pull him down into a rear waistlock takedown.
Phillip Blauer: Look at that smug look on his face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein backpedals, crushing Jordan against the turnbuckles. He drives his shoulder into Jordan’s stomach over and over. Stein puts his boot against Jordan’s throat and chokes him with it!
Anthony Jordan slides down the turnbuckles to the mat, while Stein steps on his throat. Stein starts stomping Jordan repeatedly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein stomping Jordan in the corner repeatedly! He pulls him up into a jumping vertical suplex!
The audience cheers as Jordan sits up from impact. Dan Stein picks him up and applies an abdominal stretch
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein using that 4 inch height advantage to rack Jordan in that abdominal stretch. Stein is undefeated here in San Francisco. His first match was in December of 2006. He successfully defended his Hardkore America Championship against “Platinum” Pat Bozzini and Dougie Ray Bullet in a threeway. Three years later, in January of 2009, this is where he, Andrew Karnage, and the late Adrian Tanner Jr. won the Hardkore Six Man Tag Team titles from Suikerbossie, “The Fight Machine” Basil Coombs, and Randy Candy.
Phillip Blauer: Gadzooks, Randy Candy was champion?
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right. The last time Dan Stein was in San Francisco was back in February of 2023 when he defeated Syberus in a steel cage match, injuring his neck and forcing him into retirement.
Phillip Blauer: I miss that retirement. It seemed like only yesterday.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein pulls back on Jordan’s arm, bending him back in the abdominal stretch. But Jordan plants his feet, and flips Stein over in a hip toss. He follows him down with a headscissors.
Jordan clamps down on Dan Stein’s neck, creating a vice like grip. Stein tries to body whip his way out of it, but Anthony just tightens up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein finally kicks out of the headscissors, but Jordan floats over and grabs him in a side headlock. Jordan wisely trying to wear the bigger man down.
Anthony Jordan constricts Stein’s neck some more with the headlock. He stays in a sitting position for better leverage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein fights his way to his feet, but Jordan is still hanging onto that headlock. Dan slips his head out and german suplexes Jordan!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan rolls his shoulder up!
Dan Stein pulls him up and pulls Jordan’s arm across his neck
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein drops down into a cut throat neckbreaker!
Stein pulls him up by the hair and grabs him into a bearhug. He locks his arms together and squeezes, causing Jordan to cry out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein’s got him up in a bearhug! Stein trying to break him in half with those powerful arms and that barrel chest.
Phillip Blauer: Down, boy.
Tommy Milligan asks Jordan if he wants to submit, but he shakes his head. Stein clamps down harder, making Anthony wilt
Guillermo O’Bannon: Milligan repeatedly checking in but Jordan will not give up. He starts cracking Stein in the head with elbows until he releases the bearhug. He clips Stein’s knee from behind!
Stein stumbles forward and then crumples to the mat as the fans boo. Jordan quickly gets on top of him and starts bashing the back of his knee with elbow strikes
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan hitting Stein in the knee with elbow strikes and then follows it up with a knee drop to the back of his knee.
Stein howls in pain as he clutches the back of his leg. Jordan hooks his legs around Stein’s head in a head scissors. He reaches back and pulls one of Stein's legs back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vainglorious! He pulls back on Stein’s leg, while scissoring his head with that vice like grip.
Tommy Milligan asks Dan Stein if he wants to give up, but he refuses. Dan tries to do a push up to power out of the move. The San Francisco fans chant “DAN! DAN! DAN!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein trying to push up out of the Vainglorious, but without his other leg it’s not possible. He begins reaching out for the bottom rope.
Anthony Jordan tries to do as much damage with the Vainglorious as possible while he still can, but Stein finally grabs the rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein gets to the ropes and Anthony Jordan is forced to abandon Vainglorious. He pulls Stein up and gives him a shinbreaker atomic drop!
An agonized grimace washes across Stein’s face. Anthony Jordan hangs onto his leg, so that Dan is hopping on one foot
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jordan twists Stein’s leg into a drawn out dragon screw!
Stein braces his forearm against his forehead as he lays on the mat. Anthony Jordan spreads Dan’s legs out spread eagle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan leg drops the side of Stein’s knee.
Dan Stein rolls over to his side, holding his knee. Jordan pulls Dan Stein’s head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan goes for a piledriver, but the bigger Stein blocks it. He lifts Jordan up for a back drops but then flips him into an alabama slam!
The crowd erupts. Stein tests his knee a little, and then pulls him up into a front facelock, then rolls him so their back to back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rude awakening by Dan Stein!
Anthony Jordan sits up holding the back of his neck. Dan Stein pulls him up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Discus clothesline!
The audience chants “DAN! DAN! DAN!” as he picks Jordan up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein just rag dolls the 200 pound Jordan into the turnbuckles!
Jordan slumps against the turnbuckles but Dan Stein scoops Anthony Jordan up on his shoulder in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein running powerslams Jordan out of the corner!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein irish whips Jordan into the ropes and catches him with a tiltawhirl backbreaker!
The Cow Palace pops as Anthony Jordan writhes on the mat in pain. Stein pulls him up and scoops him up but Jordan floats over onto his feet behind him in an inverted facelock. He twirls into an eye of the hurricane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jordan Twist!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: The Jordan Twist is also a dance craze that’s sweeping the nation. All the cool cats and kittens are doing it. Like smoking.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kids, don’t listen to Phil. He’s sponsored by Phillip Morris.
Phillip Blauer: And nothing better when doing the Jordan Twist then smoking a Chesterfield or two. It’s got that smooth flavor, and ladies, it’ll make you skinny.
Yolanda Ando: Really?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Yolanda. Jesus, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Chesterfield. The official cigarette of the Jordan Twist.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan now on the second turnbuckle and comes off with an elbow drop to Stein’s surgically repaired back!
The San Francisco fans boo. Dan Stein holds the small of his back in agony. Anthony Jordan drives his knee into Stein’s spine
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another hard knee drive into Dan’s back by Anthony Jordan, as he now targets Stein’s long suffering back.
Phillip Blauer: I have three rules. Always go after a body part that’s had surgery. And never, ever let Moondog Dook use your rental car to “meet a fan”.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What’s the third rule?
Phillip Blauer: Hmm? Oh, it’s about troll dolls, it’s nothing.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok? Speaking of targeting a body part, Jordan applies a spinning toe hold to that leg he’s been working on. He gives it a second spin, and now a third!
Anthony Jordan hooks in the spinning toe hold, bending Stein’s leg towards his head. Dan cries out in pain, as Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan attempting to soften up that knee for his Perfect Example. He wrenches Stein’s leg again, making fall back to the mat!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein sits up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein hooks his head, and pulls him down into an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan gets up and runs right into a Stein Line that flips him head over heels!
The audience roars. Stein lifts him up into a suplex and drops Jordan on his head with a tombstone
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein Screwdriver!!
The crowd counts along
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"Seal The Deal" by Volbeat plays and the audience leaps to their feet. Domino steps into the ring
Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes 28 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein will go on to Hardkore Helloween 2024 to face the winner of tonight’s match between Kilroy Evans and Marty Donovan for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Domino raises Dan Stein’s arm as he soaks in the cheers
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ll be right back with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship match!
Phillip Blauer: What happens when the hottest ladies in professional bowling live in one house? You better hold on to your Gutterballs!
Phil in the living room of a spacious, palatial home. He is surrounded by attractive females all sitting on couches and standing on the staircase so as to stay in frame
Phillip Blauer: Ladies. I want you to know that you were all chosen because you are the best professional bowlers in the country, and you’re all smoke shows. You’re the hottest people that can also bowl somewhat.
They all nod
Phillip Blauer: Except for Kammy. She’s just insanely hot and dating a studio exec. So she will be bowling with bumpers for this show.
Kammy waves
Cut to Phil alone, standing against the Gutterball graphic
Phillip Blauer: Take a journey with us as we put 10 volatile, scream queens in a house, and then make them settle their disputes on the bowling lane. Slept with her man? Disrespected her on booze cruise night? You better throw some strikes, Mama! But best of all is The Pinfessional!
Phil’s voice over a shot of a giant bowling pin that you can enter and shoot a video
Phillip Blauer: Inside the Pinfessional, you can take the gloves off and tell everyone what you really think about those chaotic train wrecks you call roommates!
Cut to a contestant, Laura sitting in The Pinfessional. She seems unnerved by how cramped it is inside
Laura: The girls are all pretty nice. That host guy is super sketch though.
Cut to a different contestant Jessica in The Pinfessional
Jessica: That host guy told me there was a mandatory cast party at what wound up being his hotel room. When I get there he was the only person there. He kept saying everyone was late but he gave me crazy man vibes so I bailed.
Cut to another contestant, Jaime
Jaime: I don’t understand why the host has to live with us too? Like does Chris Harrison actually live at The Bachelor Pad?
Cut back to Phil. Standing in front of the graphic
Phillip Blauer: Catfight! Meow! Get out the milk and sausage. This season on Gutterballs!!
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our first title match of the evening as the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions The Sharp Dressed Men take on the father and son duo of Rat Bastard and Alexander Von Blankenship.
The lights in the Cow Palace go out and a red glow comes from the ramp as “Sympathy for the Devil" by The Rolling Stones begins to play through the speakers. As the words come through, the light gets darker.
Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Shadows mix in with the red glow now.
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
Rat Bastard steps through the curtain, a cocky smug look upon his face, with a toothpick hanging from his mouth. AVB steps from behind the curtain, a cocky smirk on his smug face. Hasbulla follows behind, blowing his whistle.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard teaming for the first time with his son Alexander Von Blankenship.
Phillip Blauer: Like the Greg and Verne Gagne, Dusty and Dustin, and Eugene Levy and the guy from Homes.com.
I stuck around St. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
Von Blankenship holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face. Rat takes a deep breath in and runs his hands through his greasy black hair.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard made his return to Hardkore World when he attacked Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder from behind after Wilder beat his son in a stretcher match. He proceeded to break Wilder’s hand with a chair.
Phillip Blauer: A better father I’ve never seen. Imagine seeing your son, being carried out on a stretcher. He must have seen red, and grabbed the nearest blunt object he could find. I would do the same thing if anyone ever touched my swans, Alistar and Champagne.
I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
Alexander Von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl. AVB motions for Hasbulla to go first, and then Von Blankenship follows behind, slowly walking towards the ring. Rat begins his stalk to the ring, shooting dirty looks of disgust out at the fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Where are they now?
Phillip Blauer: They got too expensive to feed so I let them loose in a puddle in a median on interstate 10. They love to watch the cars go by.
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the Kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Von Blankenship points to random fans, stating loudly "I'm better than you" as he goes by fans holding up signs like “Rat Bastard and Rat Boy”. Hasbulla smacks away the fans that try to touch him. Rat climbs the stairs of the ring, slowly climbing inside he begins to point toward the mat, lipping to the fans that he owns this place.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship looking to win the Hardkore World Tag Team titles a second time here tonight with his Dad no less.
Let me please introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Alexander Von Blankenship walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets into the ring. He gives the ring the sign of the cross before stepping inside. He climbs the outside turnbuckle, looks towards the entire crowd. He yells out "Always Very Blessed" before jumping down into the ring
Yolanda Ando: AVB is wearing dark blue Adidas sweatpants, shirtless, with his hands taped like a boxer, with AVB written across the knuckles.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Rat Bastard was the first X Crown Champion in 2003 when he defeated Martyr in the tournament final. Tonight he is looking to win the Hardkore World Tag Team titles here against Joe Nobody and Tuxedo Mask.
Greg Jin: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS! Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, The Challengers. Accompanied to the ring by Hasbulla; He hails from Amsterdam, in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds; He is brought to you by Liquid Death, who tells you to ‘Murder Your Thirst’. He is The Duivel Of Amsterdam, The Nuisance from the Netherlands; Always Very Blessed;…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP…AVB!! His partner is from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; The First X Crown Champion…RAT BASTARD!!”
“Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top plays and the Cow Palace cheers. Tuxedo Mask steps through the curtain with the Hardkore California Championship around his waist and the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship over his shoulder, but instead of his crown he wears an Abe Lincoln hat with his cape with a scepter. He stands at the side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak in the pop. Joe Nobody walks out next and Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a nice tight shot of his face. Joe smirks and adjusts his tie and then his Hardkore World Tag Team Championship. Tux walks to the other side of the ramp and pumps up the fans with his scepter to cheer him on that side as well.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody knows nobody expected The Sharp Dressed Men to upset Team Fairtex in Manchester, but they shocked the world.
Phillip Blauer: I was shocked by how drab Joe Nobody’s living room was. Dear lord, it needs a plant or something to liven the place up.
Tux hands Joe Nobody his Abe Lincoln hat, and Joe begins making his way to the ring. Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to start his entrance, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: How does he hang on to both belts while he does that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It is quite impressive.
Joe Nobody hands Tux back his Abe Lincoln hat. Nobody makes it up two steps, he stops. He turns around to give a toddler in the front row his signature fedora.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Aww, look at that cute little man.
Phillip Blauer: Pfft. You kidding me? I could pull that fedora off way better than that little runt. He’s not even wearing it right, you have to tilt it, idiot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, he’s a toddler.
Phillip Blauer: You always take his side. Look, spot me some money so I can go buy a fedora from Jimmy Valentine Jr. at the merchandise stand, and I can prove it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not loaning you any more money. You still haven’t paid me back for the $200 exfoliant.
Phillip Blauer: That reminds me, I’m out of that already.
Tuxedo Mask walks over to an old man at ringside. Tux takes off his Abe Lincoln top hat and offers it to him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask going to give that Abe Lincoln like hat to that older gentleman in the front row.
Phillip Blauer: Why? He looks more like George Washington.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Will you stop it?
Tux hands the old man the Lincoln hat, and he beams with pride as Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a close up
Phillip Blauer: Look, he has wooden teeth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No he…oh, well, Tux is Japanese and probably doesn't know or care about that kind of irony.
Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He climbs the turnbuckle and holds up his two belts for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match. Joe Nobody enters the ring and points at the crowd before clapping his hands together
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody and Tuxedo Mask have been wrestling long enough that they have gelled as a team very quickly.
Yolanda Ando: Joe Nobody wears a white button up shirt, black tie, black vest with the words "Nobody is Perfect" on the back. He has black boots with white accents of toe and heels, and black pants. Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The Sharp Dressed Men know the odds are against them in this one, especially with what both of their opponents have been willing to pull over the years. But nonetheless they are looking to successfully defend their titles over the legendary Rat Bastard and former Hardkore World Tag Team Champion Alexander Von Blankenship.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 195 pounds, He is The Prince of Perfection…JOE NOBODY!! His partner is from Tokushima, Japan. Standing 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE CALIFORNIA CHAMPION; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure... TUXEDO MASK!! They are the Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS..They are THE SHARP DRESSED MEN!!!”
The San Francisco crowd gives them a deafening pop.
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and Alexander Von Blankenship and Tuxedo Mask elect to start out.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tries to land a side kick to the abdomen, but Alexander Von Blankenship grabs his leg and dragon screws him to the mat.
Phillip Blauer: AVB knew that was coming.
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two have tangled a few times before. Alexander Von Blankenship won a threeway that involved Ruben Bowman in October of 2022 for a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title. In December of 2022 in Albuquerque, Tuxedo Mask, Kilroy Evans, and Syberus defeated AVB, Marty Donovan and “The High Roller” Wesley Crane in a texas tornado match where they successfully defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles Tux and Kilroy held.
Phillip Blauer: If they were in Albuquerque, why was it a Texas tornado match?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, the next time they wrestled in June of 2024, it was Albuquerque again, where Tuxedo Mask defeated Von Blankenship for the Hardkore California Championship. AVB pulls Tux up and snap suplexes him to the mat.
Alexander Von Blankenship rolls his hips to pull Tuxedo Mask up for a second one, but Tux blocks it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux blocks a second one and gives him a snap suplex of his own!
Tuxedo Mask twists Von Blankenship’s arm, and then runs up to the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tightrope walks along the top rope, holding AVB’s twisted arm. He jumps off with a la majistral!
…ONE!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux grabs Alexander Von Blankenship with a side headlock, and then runs up the turnbuckles into a bulldog!
Tuxedo Mask tags in Joe Nobody in. Alexander Von Blankenship gets up and goes after Tux, but Tux tells him to hang on a minute
Phillip Blauer: There’s no time outs in pro wrestling! There’s CTE, predatory labor practices, and rampant sexual abuse, but no time outs!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody sneaks up behind Alexander Von Blankenship and german suplexes him!
…ONE!
…Alexander Von Blankenship rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody arm drags Von Blankenship. AVB gets up and runs into a second arm drag! Nobody tags Alexander in the side of the head with a shining wizard!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” Joe Nobody pulls him up into a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship stomps Nobody’s foot to get out of the full nelson. He turns around and pokes Nobody in the eyes. He scoops Joe up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker.
Alexander Von Blankenship pulls him up and cracks him with a couple of kicks to the side of his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody catches of those kicks and gives him a dragon screw. He pulls him up and ties up their legs, dropping back into a russian leg sweep!
Nobody tags in Tuxedo Mask. He picks up Tux and tosses him onto Von Blankenship with a cross body, but AVB catches him
Phillip Blauer: Tuxedo Mask looks worried.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody dropkicks Tux’s back to knock them to the mat!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask irish whips Von Blankenship into the ropes and then carrtwheels into a handspring into a huracanrana!!
The audience cheers. Tux steps onto the second turnbuckle, over Alexander Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux hits a split legged moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs back up onto the second turnbuckle and pulls him up into a front facelock. He goes for a tornado DDT but Alexander Von Blankenship reverses it into a spinebuster!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Alexander Von Blankenship tags in his father Rat Bastard. Bastard scoops Tux up, and Joe Nobody runs in to help
Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship scoops Joe Nobody up, and father and son do a stereo fallaway slams!!
Von Blankenship and Rat Bastard get up and soak in the jeers of the Cow Palace
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard gives Tuxedo Mask a neck crank. He pulls up on Tux’s chin, trying to twist his head off. The last time Tuxedo Mask was in San Francisco was in February of 2023 when he went to a double countout with Cross Recoba. Before that was in 2005 when he and Death Gojira teamed up as The Cupcake Crew to defeat Syberus and AWS Man.
Richie Richardson asks Tuxedo Mask if he wants to give up, but he doesn’t answer. Rat Bastard pulls him up in a headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard comes out of the corner with a bulldog!
Rat Bastard spreads Tux’s legs and then elbow drops the side of his knee. Tux sits up in agony, holding his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard lifts him up in a suplex, drops Tux’s feet on the top rope, and ricochets back into a slingshot suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard goes to pick him up, but Tux pulls him by the front of his trunks, throat first onto the second rope!
The audience pops as Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask with a 619 kick! He hops onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard dragon rana!!
Tuxedo Mask tags in Joe Nobody. He electric chairs Tux up onto his shoulders
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux stands up on Joe Nobody’s shoulders! AVB comes into the ring, and Tuxedo Mask leaps off of Joe’s shoulders, catching father and son with a plancha!!
The crowd roars and then chants “TUX! TUX! TUX!” Rat Bastard stumbles up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard walks right into a superkick by Joe Nobody!
Bastard flops against the ropes. Joe Nobody pulls him around so they are back to back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Rat Bastard sits up, holding the back of his neck. Nobody irish whips him into the ropes and catches him with a jumping calf kick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Perfect Placement! He tries to pull him up but Rat Bastard hits him with a low blow!
The Cow Palace rocks with boos. Rat Bastard drills Nobody’s head into the mat with a DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard irish whips Nobody into the ropes and catches him with a belly to belly suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Joe Nobody kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard gut wrenches Nobody up into a reverse shoulderbreaker!
Nobody flops around of the mat, holding his arm as the crowd jeers Rat Bastard
Phillip Blauer: Rat Bastard going after the shoulder his son targeted. A touching father son moment.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard shoots him into the the ropes but Joe Nobody comes back with the Status Symbol float over DDT!
The fans come to life, as Joe Nobody crawls over to his corner. Tuxedo Mask reaches out and Nobody tags him in
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody reverse suplexes Tuxedo Mask onto Rat Bastard!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Rat Bastard kicks out!
Tuxedo Mask steps on the backs of Rat Bastard’s knees and applies an inverted facelock. He rolls him up into a dragon sleeper mexican surfboard
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Tuxmission!! He pulls back on Bastard’s head and neck, while pushing up on his knees.
The San Francisco fans cheer. Richie Richardson asks Rat Bastard if he wants to tap out, but he refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship runs into the ring and stomps Tuxedo Mask until he releases the Tuxmission on his father.
Phillip Blauer: Like any good son would. I could only imagine if someone had my poppa in a Tuxmission.
Phil shudders at the thought. Inside the ring, Richie Richardson forces AVB back to his corner. Rat Bastard scoops Tuxedo Mask up and drops him on his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Rat Breaker! Rat Bastard tags in Alexander Von Blankenship, who hits a swinging neckbreaker on Tuxedo Mask!
Tuxedo Mask holds the back of his neck, but pulls himself up by the ropes. Alexander Von Blankenship blindsides him with a superkick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained! He butterflies Tux’s arms and swings him over into an Purification angel’s wings!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tux into the ropes, but Tuxedo Mask slides through Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson’s legs, hops onto the middle of the second rope, and flips into a springboard moonsault that takes out both AVB and the referee!!
The audience groans as all three men lie on the mat. Rat Bastard enters the ring, and Joe Nobody, comes in as well, but Bastard cuts him off with a kick to the stomach. He pulls him up into a razor’s edge
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Plague on Joe Nobody!! He pulls Tuxedo Mask into his legs and then flips him up and then back down with a Bastard Bomb!!
The Cow Palace rocks with boos. Joe Nobody rolls out of the ring to the floor. Rat Bastard rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair. He reenters the ring with the chair and commands his son to hold Tuxedo Mask down by the wrist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh no, Rat Bastard wants to break Tuxedo Mask’s hand like he did to Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder at English Rage in Manchester 2024!!
Rat Bastard aims the top of the chair for Tux’s hand with the audience starts buzzing behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder is in the ring! He blasts Rat Bastard in the face with that plaster cast on his hand!!
Bastard falls to the mat and drops the chair. Alexander Von Blankenship picks up the chair and cocks back with it, but Joe Nobody catches him from behind with his running STO
Guillermo O’Bannon: Denial of Perfection on AVB!! Nobody rolls Tux on top of AVB! Richie Richardson crawls over!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
The crowd jumps up to their feet as “Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top plays
Greg Jin: “At 19 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.. THE SHARP DRESSED MEN!!!”
Syrus Wilder holds up both Tux and Nobody’s arms in victory as Rat Bastard and AVB swear revenge from ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sharp Dressed Men have successfully defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the legendary Rat Bastard and his son Alexander Von Blankenship!
Phillip Blauer: With blatant interference by that human-train crossbreeding abomination! Ruining a perfect father-son reunion. Has he no class? No decency? No dining car?
Joe Nobody straps the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship around his waist. Tuxedo Mask holds up both the tag strap and the Hardkore California Championship simultaneously. Wilder gets the crowd to cheer for them more.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sharp Dressed Men have taken another step towards establishing themselves as a bonafide team. Coming up is the Hardkore West Coast Championship between the King of the West, Syberus taking on former Hardkore West Coast Champion Roscoe Law, the King of the North!
Nick Ketzinger: Hi, I’m Nick Ketzinger of Swinging Waterbed Emporium here to announce our Going Out Of Business sale. My grandfather “Swinging” Saul Ketzinger started Swinging Waterbed Emporium back in 1971 with his famous commercials!
Cut to clip of grainy 70s commercial
“Swinging” Saul Ketzinger: That’s right, Daddy! And remember if you don’t get twice the tail you did before you got a “Swinging” Saul waterbed, I will give you 50% your money back! The ladies can’t help but submit to the motion of the ocean, if ya know what I mean!
Cut back to modern day commercial
Nick Ketzinger: That was our heyday, My grandfather passed it on to my father who passed it on to me and well…looks like I blew it. Yup. I was the crown prince of waterbeds and somehow I squandered my birthright. I don’t know how I’ll look my wife and family in the eye ever again. I pretend to be happy to go to work in the morning, but I just sit in that empty waterbed store. Alone, with nothing but my thoughts. My poisonous, never ending…thoughts. Sometimes, I just want to ram my head through that wall, just to stop them for…even a second.
Nick stares off into space. He shakes his head, at the horror…suddenly he snaps back to attention
Nick Ketzinger: But let my terrible business sense be your good fortune, and come on down to get yourself 60%, 70%, even 80% off on a brand new waterbed. These things were all the rage in the 70s and 80s, I never thought the money would stop rolling in. But then one day, it no longer became cool to sleep on a jiggly floor of swamp water. Whodathunk it? Some visit Swinging Waterbed Emporium on Highway 74, past the old Panera Bread.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the Hardkore West Coast Championship match between King Syberus and Roscoe Law. Roscoe once managed, mentored Syberus, early in his career but turned on him with a barbed wire rowing oar costing him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Oldest story in the book.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, they step into the ring against one another for the first time since the Frank Marano Jr. Memorial Cup with the Hardkore West Coast Championship on the line.
“I Fought The Law” by the Clash plays and pyro hits and the entrance area is lit by red lights and the JumboTron flashes "LAW" in red between classic Roscoe Law footage. Suddenly and quickly, the pyro goes off erratically as the sound cuts in and out and the screen becomes a chaotic mix of static and blackouts until one loud bang of pyro makes the audio stop and the screen go black.
After a few seconds of silence where the crowd cheers with anticipation, pyro blasts loudly as “Trigger” by Motorhead kicks in and strobe lights flash in tandem with “LAW” in large white letters on the screen. Another blast of pyro and the words “‘The Trigger’ Roscoe Law” appear on the screen.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe says he’s only here to enjoy himself, and didn’t mean to trigger Syberus with the barbed wire oar during the Wargames match in Vegas, but clearly he did.
Phillip Blauer: Please, that guy doesn’t blink without planning it three weeks in advance. With ambulances, and lemon juice, and handcuffs, and Happy Faces; he really expects us to believe he thought Syberus would think giving him the thing that cost him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship was some sort of housewarming present?
Roscoe Law slaps hands with some of the fans as he makes his way to the ring. In his arms, Roscoe carries a five-foot-long black velvet bag to ringside and places it respectfully on Hardkore Timekeeper Randy Valentine Jr.’s table
Guillermo O’Bannon: He says he’s no longer that person, but is more than happy to take advantage of Syberus’ anger and use it against him here tonight to become the Hardkore West Coast Champion.
Yolanda Ando: Roscoe has short salt-and-pepper hair as well as a short salt-and-pepper beard. He wears a black leather jacket over a t-shirt which says “Hi, Poke!” and jeans with black wrestling boots with white trim. His hands are heavily taped.
Phillip Blauer: If that’s a reference to Poke the Clown, I hope the TV is broken in whatever jail he’s in.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The crowd here in San Francisco appreciative of both these men. What a match we're about to have on our hands for the Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Greg Jin: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first the challenger, from Green Bay, Wisconsin; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 248 pounds...ROSCOE LAW!!!"
The crowd gives Roscoe a raucous ovation
The opening chords of "Seven Nation Army" by Stantough fill the air as the arena goes black. As the music picks up, torches of flame gently flicker into life either side of the entrance and lining the ramp. After a few moments, courtiers wearing King Syberus's heraldry carry him out on a throne held on their shoulders. The crowd roars as King Syberus is carried towards the ring, and he holds a hand up in an appreciative salute to them all.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus delivered a banquet for the masses earlier tonight, eager to show himself as a benevolent King that cares for his followers here in Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: I'll have to admit that was good short rib. Didn't you grab yourself a tupperware?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, my wife took it to work for lunch.
Phillip Blauer: I see. And what was the reason that she didn’t leave any in the fridge for the color commentator sleeping on her pull out couch?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The reason is she hates you, and we keep telling you, it’s not a pull out couch, you just broke it.
Phillip Blauer: Ah. Duly noted.
Once at the base of the ramp, steps are lowered from Syberus's throne in order for him to climb down. He approaches the ring and is followed by several of the courtiers, who then assist him in removing his crown, deep red cloak and chainmail shirt. King Syberus then steps up onto the ring apron, wipes his feet, and steps through the ropes. He climbs a turnbuckle with the Hardkore West Coast Championship strapped around his waist, and raises two open hands in acknowledgement of the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is a personal match that stretches back decades. King Syberus still holds a grudge against Roscoe Law for turning on him as manager and costing him the Hardkore World Heavyweight title all the way back in 2008!
Phillip Blauer: I say live and let live, he's King of the short rib now. He's got a good thing going. Putting smiles on peoples faces. Wait, what is that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The short rib my wife saved for me.
Yolanda Ando: King Syberus wears long silver tights with boots, kickpads and kneepads all in a contrasting dark brown to resemble leather. From the waist down front and back he wears a knee length tabard of deep red with a golden lion rampant emblazoned in the center front.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus came up short in his hometown against Marty Donovan and then went to a time limit draw with Anthony Jordan in Paris. Back here in the States, he’s looking to successfully defend his crown as the King of the West against his former mentor Roscoe Law.
Greg Jin: “And from Mamecaestre, Albion in Manchester England, Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 220 pounds; The First of His Name; The King of the West; The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…KING SYBERUS!!!”
The crowd roars for Syberus who gives a royal bow of the head.
Hardkore West Coast Championship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O'Connell rings the bell and this one is underway. King Syberus has been waiting a long time to get his hands on Roscoe Law – and now he has the chance as both men collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring.
Phil tries to fork some of Guillermo’s short rib, but Guillermo sprays him with a water spritzer
Phillip Blauer: (wiping water from his face) Roscoe has the height and weight advantage to overpower Syberus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe shoves Syberus back into a corner and lights him up with a chop. The King of the West responds with a knife edge chop of his own however and the pair start trading blows!
Phillip Blauer: This match is going to descend into another degenerate brawl, I can sense it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law with the irish whip sending King Syberus running the ropes. Syberus ducks the clothesline and comes back with a flying cross body, but nobody home as Roscoe ducks it!
The San Francisco crowd “Oooh”s as Syberus crashes to the floor. He rolls back to his feet and rubs his chest as Roscoe rounds on him again.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another irish whip from Roscoe Law, he catches Syberus with a side headlock.
Phillip Blauer: Now even I know the last thing you want to do is remind Syberus that headlocks exist.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus starts to elbow out. He lifts the challenger with a back body drop.
Syberus rounds on Roscoe but Roscoe lifts a knee into the mid. He pops Syberus back with a russian leg sweep
…ONE!
... Syberus raises a shoulder
Phillip Blauer: Worth a shot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The challenger Roscoe Law keeping the offensive up. Drop toe hold- looking for the ankle lock but Syberus flips to his back, Syberus with the roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus slips behind Roscoe Law and drops him with a hangman's neckbreaker!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Syberus drags him back to his feet. Roscoe blocks him off and hook him for a vertical suplex. Syberus blocks it and hits some uppercuts
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus runs the ropes but is caught with a spinebuster! Roscoe drops down and applies a scissored arm bar.
Syberus howls in pain as Roscoe cranks on that hold. Law cranks back on his twisted arm, while O’Connell asks Syberus if he wants to tap out
Phillip Blauer: The King could tap here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a blow that would be to King Syberus but Roscoe is doing everything to make that happen. Roscoe Law had some big matches here in the Bay Area. In December of 2006, Roscoe Law beat The Shootfighter in a steel cage match. The last time Roscoe Law was here in San Francisco was January of 2009, when he lost the Hardkore World Television title to Cecil Kennedy.
Kelly O'Connell continues to ask Syberus if he wants to submit but Syberus refuses. Syberus is able to push Roscoe's legs up and slip his head free before turning into the pressure with a cover
…ONE!
…Roscoe kicks out but releases the hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: Smart work by Syberus. He then takes Roscoe overhead with ippon seoi nage!
Roscoe is dazed and rolls out of the ring. Syberus takes a moment and then climbs out. He pauses and looks around for a moment
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus has stopped here, what's he thinking?
Phillip Blauer: Probably about trumpets and large turkey legs.
King Syberus looks under the ring, and the crowd roars as he draws out the prop sword he introduced earlier
Guillermo O’Bannon: It's King Syberus's sword “the Righteous Blade!” Roscoe Law's head might be about to leave his shoulders!
The crowd pops even louder as Roscoe on the other side draws his barbed wire paddle from under the ring as well
Phillip Blauer: Uh oh.
Guillermo O’Bannon: This could be a clash for the ages! The Kelly O'Connell is trying to get both man back in the ring, no one wants a count out here.
Phillip Blauer: But they seem fixated on getting their props out for the cameras- boys and their toys.
Both men come together outside the ring and King Syberus shouts “En Garde!”. Roscoe takes an almighty swing with the paddle that rattles off the turnbuckle as Syberus side steps it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a jab with the Righteous Blade, but Roscoe parries with the paddle. This is about as far as wrestling as you could get but the fans here in San Francisco aren't complaining.
Phillip Blauer: I have do idea what's going on.
Phil grabs a mic from Greg Jin
Phillip Blauer: “IS ANYONE HERE A FENCING COMMENTATOR?”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil would you stop?? We are in the middle of a Hardkore West Coast Championship match and there are no…
One of the guys that carried Syberus's throne out raises a hand
Phillip Blauer: “Get over here.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law just clips King Syberus across the midsection – almost just with a spike of barbed wire but it's enough to bring a yelp from the King of the West and West Coast Champion. Syberus responds by clubbing the handle of the sword into Roscoe's head.
Roscoe and Syberus clash weapons repeatedly. The extra from Syb's entrance is prepped next to Phil and Guillermo. King Syberus shouts “You're not my father!” - Roscoe screams back that Syberus is losing his mind
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Reginald Fitzwilliam IV gentlemen; charmed.
Phillip Blauer: Reg, why don't you tell us what's going on here?
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: King Syberus, the aggressor with a wonderful Fleché manoeuvre – driving back Roscoe Law. Another lunge from the King, but he must be wary of – yes, a fabulous riposte from Roscoe Law.
Guillermo and Phil both watch with their hands on their chins.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Indeed. Indeed.
Phillip Blauer: Of course, we knew that Reg, but break it down for the viewers. Some aren't as cultured as we are.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: King Syberus really taking the fight to his opponent this evening. Oh but would you look at this an incredible beat and lunge from Roscoe Law.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Looks like King Syberus's aggression is going to catch him out here.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Quite.
Phillip Blauer: Quite.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Quite.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Roscoe Law is full of bluster here, one can't help but be moved, reminiscent of the second Earl of Cambridge in his exchange with the Count of Montpellier. Goodness gracious! He's disarmed the King!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Righteous Blade is struck from King Syberus' hand! The King rolls back into the ring holding his hand, which caught a lot of that barbed wire paddle.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Gasp!
Phillip Blauer: Roscoe is on the hunt now.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe back in the ring, comes at Syberus with the full force of that barbed wire oar but the King drops on his back Rhodes style and the oar bounces off the top rope!
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: The King now... stalking his prey like a majestic kestral.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus hits the back cracker!
Syberus circles his wrist as Roscoe gets back up to his feet via the ropes holding his back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe turns around into a flapjack from King Syberus!
Phillip Blauer: Roscoe's face bouncing right off that canvas.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus applies a hammerlock with one arm and a half nelson with the other, that European Three Quarter Nelson. Roscoe shouts in pain as Kelly O'Connell asks him if he wants to submit, but nothing doing from the challenger here. This was the city where Syberus suffered a career threatening neck injury during a steel cage match with “The Punisher” Dan Stein back in February of 2023. In December 2006, Syberus and Lucifer Jones lost to Hardkore World Tag Team Champions Cobryn and Robert Hunglestien III. Three years later, in January of 2009, he successfully defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship over Lucifer Jones. In March of 2005, he was known as “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and teamed with AWS Man as The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a losing effort against The Cupcake Crew; Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira.
Roscoe starts shuffling towards the ring apron. King Syberus yells in defiance. The crowd starts chanting “Let's go Roscoe! Let's go Syberus! Let's go Roscoe! Let's go Syberus!”. Roscoe finally manages to shuffle under the ropes and Kelly O'Connell demands Syberus break the hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus stomps on Roscoe's back, frustrated that he couldn't get the submission there. Syberus drags Roscoe back to his feet, Roscoe with the diamond cutter!!! Out of nowhere Roscoe cuts the King off!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh and he almost had it! Right there we almost had a new West Coast Champion.
Phillip Blauer: An ode to Kilroy Evan's Bad Touch perhaps, which stripped Syberus of a Hardkore World Heavyweight title many years ago.
Roscoe sits up and slaps his knee. He grabs Syberus in an inverted facelock and does a double chicken wing. The crowd buzzes with anticipation
Phillip Blauer: What's he doing?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It can't be... first the Bad Touch now THE ANSWER 2005!!
Syberus's head and neck cranks off the canvas and out of sheer fortune his dead weight slumps out of the ring so Roscoe cannot immediately cover
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus is laid out here, but the challenger can't take advantage, this would be it for sure with Roscoe Law playing the mind games perhaps with one of the most deadly moves to ever grace Hardkore World – Cobryn's The Answer.
Phillip Blauer: The move that ended Syberus's first Hardkore World title reign. Definitely a dose of mind games from Roscoe Law.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: But the King, like a wily winter fox evading capture, promptly distances himself.
Phillip Blauer: If that's how you describe falling out of the ring like a sack of wet tennis balls, sure.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What is he still doing here? The fencing is over.
Roscoe drags Syberus's dead weight up onto the ring apron and rolls him back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here we go!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: And no, King Syberus somehow survives. He always has been one of the most resilient wrestlers in Hardkore World's history but we can say with some certainty – inertia and gravity saved his title there.
Roscoe pulls up Syberus still dead weight. Roscoe rattles some right hands off King Syberus's head which bobbles round freely between strikes
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus is in trouble here, and – Wait! Eye Rake From Hell!
King Syberus tweaks the eye and the crowd leap out of their seats to oversell it as is tradition. The camera pans to fans holding their heads and covering their mouths in disbelief. Roscoe rubs his eye and wheels back around for Syberus to catch him with a drop toe hold
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law catches the bottom rope with his neck, and the West Coast Champion comes off the ropes and leaps, dropping that leg across the back of the challenger.
Syberus drops onto the pin with his chest smothering Roscoe's face
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law shoves Syberus off!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law refusing to stay down there, King Syberus still out of it from that brutal rendition of The Answer 2005 from Roscoe Law, the champion is pulling himself up on the ropes. Roscoe going for the – well that looked like he was going for Marty Donovan's Dis-Knee, but the champion managed to side step that attempt and a low drop kick takes Roscoe down to one knee. King Syberus hits the Tilted Lance big boot!!!
The fans lets out an “oooohhhh!!” as an audible smack echoes around The Cow Palace. Roscoe Law's head bounces off the canvas and Syberus drops onto the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: The King, spearing his adversary with a mighty thrust of his lance.
Phillip Blauer: Oh-okay Reggie, I think you're done.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to muscle Roscoe up for a German Suplex, but Roscoe blocks it holding onto the ropes. The challenger elbows out. Roscoe lifts a knee into Syberus's midsection and hooks him up, delivering an earth shattering jackhammer!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Roscoe slaps the mat in frustration. Syberus staggers back to his feet
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Half way up from Syberus standing up, Roscoe catches him with an enziguri!
The crowd cheers and King Syberus flops lifelessly face first
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus must be seeing stars now! Roscoe rolls him over into the cover, we could have a new West Coast Champion!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus Kicks out!
Guillermo O'Bannon: King Syberus crawls away while Roscoe asks Kelly O'Connell about that count, maybe suggesting it was a little on the slow side.
Phillip Blauer: Sexist. Next he’s going to tell her to smile more.
Syberus is reaching outside the ring for something when Roscoe's attention fixes back to him
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe pulls King Syberus up but the King catches him with the butt of the Righteous Blade!
The San Francisco crowd roars as a stunned Roscoe Law staggers backwards
Guillermo O'Bannon: King Syberus has the sword, he swings it like a baseball bat into Roscoe's ribs!
King Syberus follows through as if he'd actually sliced through Roscoe. Of course despite no blood being spilled, Roscoe still doubles over winded by the impact. Syberus grabs him in an inverted facelock and twists him into a sister abaigail
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus hits his Kingdom Come!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Roscoe Law kicks out!
The audience gasps as Syberus sits on the mat bewildered
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law kicks out of the Kingdom Come and this Hardkore West Coast title match continues!
Syberus shakes his head and climbs to the top turnbuckle. The Cow Palace buzzes with anticipation
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus looks like he's going up top here? This is outside of the champion's comfort zone and could well be a mistake.
Phillip Blauer: Is he even going to know what to do when he gets up there or just winging it?
Roscoe Law sits up and pulls himself up by the ropes. He spies Syberus still shakily climbing the turnbuckles. Syberus has a panicked look as he knows he’s been caught
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law is back up and catches the champion on the turnbuckle!
Phillip Blauer: His royal advisor will lose his head for this.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Gulp.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe gets his King Syberus in a suplex position on the top rope – he flips the champion but WOW with a weight shift he lands on top of the champion in a heart punch into Syberus's ribcage on impact!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Syberus gets his foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, even that modified Lawbreaker with a heart punch wasn’t enough to…
The bell rings and the audience groans. Roscoe looks at Kelly O’Connell to see if it was three but she puts her two fingers up
Phillip Blauer: What happened?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I’m not exactly sure.
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, the 30 minute time limit has expired. Referee Kelly O’Connell has declared this match, A DRAW!”
The San Francisco audience boos as both Roscoe and Syberus voice their displeasure with the announcement
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: What the devil? This is is heresy! Burn her!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ok, Kenny? Can we cut his mic? Thank you.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, but we’re still doing the celebration feast, right? Reggie?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A thrilling match of the year candidate between these two former partners, but neither was able to put the other away here tonight in San Francisco. Coming up fans, we have our main event of the evening between Marty Donovan and Kilroy Evans!
Chemtrails…Area 51…the JFK Assassination…
What else is the government lying to us about? What’s real? And what’s a government coverup?
Open on a dark parking garage. The camera pans over to a dark corner. The orange glow of a cigarette is the only thing you can see, until a man in a fedora and trenchcoat steps out of the shadow
Man: Maybe all we’ve been told about tanning beds causing skin cancer is just another example of the government telling you what you can and can’t have? But I’m not telling you anything. Do your own research and see what you decide about your God given tanning freedoms.
The man drops the cigarette and steps on it
Man: Your cocoa brown complexion could depend on it.
Brought to you by Tropical Tans 4 You, off Highway 74 next to Swinging Waterbed Emporium
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans and welcome to the City by the Bay, San Francisco!
Phillip Blauer: Hey there, roomie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: (sighs) That is correct. While I was initially thrilled that Phil lost all his money in the match with Kilroy Evans at English Rage in Manchester 2024, my dream became a nightmare when Phil asked to move in with me.
Phillip Blauer: Just a couple more weeks until I can save up enough to buy another mansion or two.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You said that two weeks ago.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t blame me, have you seen the money they charge for high end real estate these days? Why, I remember when a quarter could buy you a haircut, a soda pop, a movie with a preceding newsreel about how our boys were doing overseas, a pitchfork and an unlit torch to chase non-presbyterians. Of course the guy that lit your torch charged $30, so things were all over the place back then.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, I need you to move out.
Phillip Blauer: You think I like that hovel? Your tennis court is a deathtrap. My doubles partner and I nearly got run over by some crazy lady the other day.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I keep telling you, that’s my driveway. That was my wife coming home. And how do you know James Woods?
Phillip Blauer: Jim and I are old friends from when I was an extra in Wall Street.
Guillermo O’Bannon: James Woods wasn’t in Wall Street.
Phillip Blauer: Did I say he was?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans, in our main event we have Marty Donovan putting his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line against his sworn enemy Kilroy Evans in a falls count anywhere match. King Syberus puts his Hardkore West Coast Championship up against his old rival Roscoe Law, and The Sharp Dressed Men take on Alexander Von Blankenship and his legendary father, Rat Bastard. All that and more tonight…
Phillip Blauer: Here in Frisco!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody calls it that here.
Fog fills the Cow Palace as the haunting opening riff of "Money For Nothing" by The Dire Straights play. A video on the jumbotron shows an alligator in a cage, struggling to break free. The alligator's struggles intensify, its movements becoming more frantic. Just as the song kicks into full gear, the cage shatters, and the alligator escapes, roaring into the night.
Phillip Blauer: I’ve got it on good authority that Deacon Oldham is insistent that it has to be the banned version and anything else is letting Tim Walz win.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok?
Phillip Blauer: Wait, the line is coming up…”That little…”
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, no, no. We’re not doing that.
The crowd erupts in cheers as three figures emerge from the mist, clad in green silk jackets emblazoned with the team name: The Fabulous Free Gators.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators were formed to raise money for The Florida Man Legal Defense Fund.
Phillip Blauer: My Dorothy’s murderer? Why, that case is settled! Old news. The poor dolt admitted to as much to the partial satisfaction of the police detectives that I allowed to use my swimming pool.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators are a six man team that will only compete in handicap matches against other tag teams.
Phillip Blauer: Meaning that the winner of this match, will receive a parking space at the front of the building.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No.
Dana “The Drone” Daniels high fives fans and shakes up his thermos full of bees. Deacon looks down the lens of the camera and orders his daughter to break up with Marty Donovan. Callum remains stone-faced, his gaze fixed on the opponents in the ring.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, it's not so much that they think Florida Man didn’t do it. They just hope that if they get him released, he might kill Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: The wheels of justice turn slowly, but they turn.
A scrolling graphic on the broadcast displays the phone number and URL for the Florida Man Legal Defense Fund. The crowd's cheers intensify as they donate to the cause.
Phillip Blauer: Wow, maybe these same people can help me get back on my feet. What’s an Url?
Guillermo O’Bannon: URL.
Phillip Blauer: I didn’t ask how you spell it. Is it like the show My Name Is Url?
Guillermo O’Bannon: …yes. The Fabulous Free Gators are more of a fundraising event masquerading as a tag team.
Phillip Blauer: That’s actually most tag teams. The “mission” Men on a Mission were on was to build low income housing developments, The Fabulous Ones was mostly a ponzi scheme to pay Stan Lane’s child support.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Fabulous Free Gators are looking for a big win over the former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions, The Dutch Express.
Yolanda Ando: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall is wearing simple wrestling boots and black tights that have tentacles painted on them in silver.
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the historic Cow Palace in San Francisco for tonight’s card of Hardkore World action!”
The audience cheers
Greg Jin: “The following is a Handicap Match scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, Hailing from A More Just Florida Where Gators Roam Free; Standing 6 feet; Weighing 185 pounds…DANA ‘THE DRONE’ DANIELS!! His partner Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds…DEACON OLDHAM!! And standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 175 pounds…’THE SALFORD SQUID’ CALLUM CORNWALL!! They are THE FABULOUS FREE GATORS!!!”
The San Francisco fans cheer loudly
“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and The Dutch Express, Harvey van Houten and Leonard van Dam walk out with “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina Van Dam to a huge pop. The two fun loving reddish husky guys come out on the ramp waving to the fans. Both men are wearing matching overalls. Klazina gracefully walks behind them dressed as a Dutch milk maid.
Guillermo O’Bannon: When we last saw The Dutch Express, they were wrestling Team Fairtex for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships in Las Vegas in July.
Phillip Blauer: When we last saw The Dutch Express, I had a butler named Worthington.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whatever happened to him?
Phillip Blauer: He got another job working for a guy who’s grandfather invented the Slurpee.
Van Dam and van Houten along with Klazina slap hands with the fans on the way to the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dutch Express are looking to get another shot at the title, and a win over The Fabulous Free Gators tonight could put them in contention for a match with the new Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, The Sharp Dressed Men.
Yolanda Ando: The Dutch Express both wear overalls with open shirts underneath with black boots. Underneath, they wear brief trunks with the Dutch flag on the butt.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents’ Accompanied to the ring by their manager, ‘The Milkman’s Daughter’ Klazina van Dam; Originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in Cape Town, South Africa; Both Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; First, Weighing 250 pounds…HARVEY VAN HOUTEN!! His partner is also originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in San Francisco, California; 225 pounds…LEONARD VAN DAM!! They are the former Hardkore America Tag Team Champions…THE DUTCH EXPRESS!!!”
The audience pops for The Dutch Express
The Fabulous Free Gators vs. The Dutch Express
The bell rings, and the Deacon starts for the Fabulous Free Gators against Leonard Van Dam
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam and Deacon face off and the Deacon rolls his eyes before Van Dam fires off a few kicks.
Leonard van Dam irish whips Deacon Oldham into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam knocks Deacon to the mat with a shoulderblock.
Leonard van Dam flexes for the cheering fans, but them he yelps as the Deacon rises
Phillip Blauer: Deacon has what we call old strength.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oldham kicks him in the stomach and then drills him into the mat with a DDT!
Deacon Oldham gives the Squid a quick tag. Squid does not look happy, but shrugs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall stomps away at Leonard van Dam. He applies an armbar.
Cornwall leans back on van Dam’s arm, trying to pull it back from its socket. Leonard shakes his head, refusing to give up. He grabs for the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam’s fingers come up short.
Phillip Blauer: He needs longer fingers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam reaches out and snags the ropes.
The San Francisco audience cheers. Squid breaks, and Leonard van Dam gets back to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam with a spinning back kick to Cornwall’s face!
Van Dam tags in Harvey van Houten, and then twists Callum Cornwall’s arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten hits Cornwall with a spinning back fist while his arm is twisted by his partner.
Harvey van Houten pulls Cornwall up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten with a scissors kick!
The audience cheers. Harvey van Houten picks him up and smashes him in the back with some clubbing forearms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten threads Cornwall’s arm through his leg and hits the pumphandle slam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Callum Cornwall kicks out!
The fans cheer. “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina van Dam pounds on the apron. Squid gets back on his feet and Harvey van Houten irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Houten ducks down for a back drop, but Cornwall catches him with a guillotine choke!
The San Francisco audience cheers. Callum Cornwall rocks back on Harvey’s head and neck, cutting off his air
Phillip Blauer: By the way, I’m gonna be late coming home tonight, and my band is gonna have practice.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil you are not in that band, they’re just using you for a place to practice.
Phillip Blauer: Skull, Hate Machine, and Remmy are my brothers for life. You don’t understand the life of a musician. You’re just salty because they left the fridge door open all night.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, you are not a musician, they just let you hit the cymbal sometimes when they’re done playing.
Phillip Blauer: The world isn’t ready to hear my pain.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Callum Cornwall reaches out and tags in Deacon.
Phillip Blauer: The Fabulous Free Gators seem to be hesitant to tag in Dana Daniels. Why do you think that is?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not real good at wrestling.
Phillip Blauer: Interesting.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham grabs him in a muay thai clench, then headbutts him. But Harvey van Houten backs him off with a boxing jab, another one stuns Oldham. Van Houten misses one, and Oldham counter with an uppercut. Van Dam rises, and the Deacon wastes no time!
OIdham irish whips van Houten into the ropes, and then hits the cross section of the ropes, and then knocks van Houten to the mat with his pounce
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anchor’s Away!!
The Cow Palace explodes, and Van Dam sprawls on the mat before the Deacon pauses to stare back at the rising Leonard van Dam. He nods, and then makes a cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Leonard van Dam stomps the back of Deacon’s head!
Richie Richardson orders Leonard van Dam back to his corner while Deacon Oldham tags in Callum Cornwall. Dana Daniels comes in as well and bearhugs van Houten
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oldham twirls into a spinning back fist, and then Cornwall smashes him with a running european uppercut.
Klazina van Dam complains about the triple team move to Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Deacon and Dana return to their corner as Richardson forces them back, while Callum pulls van Houten’s head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall flips van Houten into a tiger bomb!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Harvey van Houten claps his legs together on Cornwall’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cornwall irish whips van Houten into the ropes and goes for a cross body but Harvey catches him and drops him into a backbreaker!
The audience cheers as both men crawl back to their corners. Oldham reaches his arm out, and van Houten tags in Leonard van Dam. Cornwall reaches up and Dana Daniels tags himself in
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard comes in like a house of fire and dropkicks Dana Daniels! Deacon Oldham comes in and catches a clothesline for his efforts!
The Cow Palace is loud as Callum Cornwall enters the ring while Leonard van Dam has Daniels legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam catapults Dana Daniels into an oncoming Oldham and Cornwall!
Harvey van Houten enters the ring to help out his partner, and they double spear Callum Cornwall
Guillermo O’Bannon: Double Dutch on The Salford Squid!! The Dutch Express turn around to a rising Deacn Oldham and hit him with The Double Dutch as well!!
The audience is jumping up and down in jubilation, as Dana Daniels wearily gets up and suddenly locks eyes with The Dutch Express. He tries to talk some sense into them but they get into position
Guillermo O’Bannon: And Double Dutch on Dana “The Drone” Daniels!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and the crowd leaps to their feet with a huge pop
Greg Jin: “At 12 minutes 52 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH…THE DUTCH EXPRESS!!!”
Klazina van Dam raises both her brother and Harvey van Houten’s arms as the San Francisco audience rains cheers down on them
Phillip Blauer: The Dutch Express have won the parking space!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, but they have won an important match to get into contention for The Sharp Dressed Men’s Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
(Olympia is finished warming up for her match with Ai Moe as MacDougal and Black Tiger watches her. The door opens and Kate Moss comes in and notices the intensity on Olympia's face.)
Kate Moss: "Are you okay Olympia."
Olympia: "YESSSSS.....
(Black Tiger clears her throat in a meaningful way and Olympia takes a breath and calms down.)
Olympia: "Yes I am."
Kate Moss: "You seem intense and the roster seems to be avoiding you."
Olympia: "Because I'm a basket case. A nut job. A looney tune. Yeah I heard all those terms and references, but I could care the hell what they think and if they want to get in my face and say it. Let's do it in the ring and see what this basket case thinks about their comments."
MacDougal: "Now she's someone anyone would want to date."
(Olympia glares at MacDougal and mutters something unmentionable as MacDougal shrugs and smiles.)
Kate Moss: "You sure you're all right."
Olympia: "I said..."
(She calms down again.)
Olympia: "I said I'm all right."
(Kate Moss looks dubiously at her but drops the subject.)
Kate Moss: "Tonight you debut against Ai Moe who's a tough and will test you."
Olympia: "Believe me whether it was SWAT Amazons or Wrestle: UK doesn't matter to me. I'm someone who loves a good challenge and Ai Moe presents just that and I'm going to rise to the occasion and Ai Moe is going to see what Olympia can do and she's going to see what I'm made of and that's pure Golden Spartan."
Kate Moss: "You think you're going to be next in lined if you win."
Olympia: "I earn my championship shots and I don't like anyone saying I get handed championship matches without earning them. Whoever says otherwise should back up their smack talk in the ring and I'll show everyone why they should keep their mouths shut."
MacDougal: "You can always use the Claymore and show them who's the better lass."
(Olympia is ready to unleash a rant of unmentionables as Black Tiger covers her mouth and starts walking her to the door.)
Black Tiger: "She has to go Kate since she has a match and can't finish this interview."
(They reach the door and shuts it.)
MacDougal: "I have to see this."
(He disappears through the door as Kate Moss feels a chill.)
Kate Moss: "Anyone fill a chill in here. Back to you guys."
(She looks around mysteriously as if someone was in the room as the scene slowly fades to black.)
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now time for two experienced ladies that have yet to make their debut on the West Coast.
"The Olympic Theme" plays and the Olympic Flag appears before dissolving to the American Flag before Olympia's name appears on the tron and red, white and blue pyros explode. Phil stands up and puts his hand over his heart
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, what are you doing?
Phillip Blauer: Have some respect.
Guillermo shrugs and stands up, putting his hand over his heart as well. Olympia walks through the ring entrance with her head down and a Scottish claymore sword.. She raises her head and then Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. hands her an American flag
Phillip Blauer: I’m sorry, why isn’t everyone doing this? It’s unamerican not to.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia gets her name from being on the 2016 US Olympic Team in Rio where she earned gold medals in both judo and taekwondo.
Phillip Blauer: Oh, I get it now. Because it’s a similar name.
Olympia marches down to ringside with the American flag before stopping at the ring stairs. She puts the claymore sword into the corner, and then takes the American flag off of its pole. Olympia begins to folds it with respect
Phillip Blauer: Look, I’m as red blooded American as the next Joe, but we only have this building for so long.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia made her debut in SWAT Amazons in 2017 where she won the SWAT Pan Amazons Women's Championship and the SWAT Amazons Women's Championship She briefly wrestled overseas in Japan in J-ROK and across the pond in Wrestle: UK, as well as here in the states at Dinosaur Bones.
Olympia hands the folded American flag to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. before entering the ring. She bows to all four corners before taking off her jacket and gold medals
Phillip Blauer: With me never winning any gold medals due to my chronic corns on my feet, I feel attacked with Olympia rubbing her gold medals in my face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia is a second generation star, the daughter of Dragon Belt who wrestled in Hardkore America and Hardkore Nippon over in Japan. Her mother is Dragonatric and her brother and sister are Little Dragon and Black Tiger.
Phillip Blauer: A rare case of nepotism in the sport of professional wrestling.
Olympia begins bounding into the ropes to test their tautness
Phillip Blauer: If you want my analysis, …
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not at all.
Phillip Blauer: …this Olympia’s got her mind on a dozen other things. She has real estate problems that have caused her to spend time in a Scottish prison, and there are alcoholic spooks involved. The phone calls from her real estate agent and criminal defense attorney alone have got to be taking all of her free time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is true, you can’t deny that she has had some unfortunate distractions coming into this match that caused her to get released by Wrestle: UK.
Olympia goes to her corner with the intensity of a spartan warrior, with an expression on her face and glare in her eyes. She looks at the claymore sword she placed in the corner
Yolanda Ando: Olympia wears an Olympic team jacket and when she takes it off, she reveals tight red, white and blue MMA fighting trunks with the American flag on the front, red, white and blue MMA halter top with the Olympic symbol on the front and red, white and blue tassel wrestling boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Olympia is well aware of Ai Moe’s reputation as a hard worker in the ring, but she thinks her experience advantage will allow her to outwork her. As we saw in Sheffield, England in her match with Kathy Roberts, she has a dangerous ankle lock known as the Golden Lock that could end the match at any moment.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Olympia, Washington…”
Phillip Blauer: There was just no avoiding naming her Olympia. It was kismet.
Greg Jin: “...Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 150 pounds; The former SWAT Amazons Champion…OLYMPIA!!!”
The crowd cheers her loudly because of her family lineage and recognition of her past title reigns
“I Do” by Tayeon plays as Ai blows kisses and poses for the cheering San Francisco fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: After a dominant victory over Jessie Wallace in Sheffield, England, Ai Moe is here to make her debut on an American Hardkore World show, as well as the sometimes demanding West Coast fans.
Ai Moe makes her way down to the ring giving high fives and handshakes to Cow Palace audience members alike.
Phillip Blauer: She looks familiar, where would I know her from?
Guillermo O’Bannon: She’s a former JET Academy Champion as well as holding the JET Trios Championship with Mizuki Nakata & Midori Miyamoto. She is also a former SBW Heavyweight Champion as well as LXW World Women’s Champion
Phillip Blauer: Doesn’t ring a bell.
Guillermo O’Bannon: She also somehow was able to win the FWA Anarchy Championship 69 times.
Phillip Blauer: For some reason that last number is clearing the cobwebs a little.
Ai Moe gets into the ring and slaps her butt, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: She used to be an adult film actress.
Phillip Blauer: Jackpot. I knew it would come to me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But now she wants to spread love and joy all across the World.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t know if I can support that.
Greg Jin: “And her opponent, from Mito, Ibaraki, Japan; Standing 5 feet tall; Weighing 100 pounds; She is The Love Queen…AI MOE!!!”
Moe blows a kiss to the applauding and increasingly rowdy San Francisco crowd
Ai Moe vs. Olympia
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and Olympia circles a smiling Ai Moe. Olympia offers her hand for a test of strength
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia, who is a foot taller than Moe, is offering a test of strength. I’m not sure if Ai Moe wants to go that route with the former gold medalist Olympian.
Phillip Blauer: Why is she smiling back at her?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, she likes smiling. What do you want from me?
Ai Moe happily accepts and puts her hands up for the test of strength. They lock fingers and then begin, but Olympia seems to be at an early advantage
Guillermo O’Bannon: As expected, Olympia seems to have this test of strength pretty well decided. Olympia bending Ai Moe backward into a near bridge.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, now I remember her.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia finishes her off by pushing her nearly across the ring with her raw power.
The audience buzzes from Olympia’s show of power. Olympia smirks and gets a smile from Ai Moe in return. They lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both ladies jockeying for position, and Olympia eventually grabs a side headlock.
Olympia locks her hands together and grinds her forearm across Moe’s temple. She pops her hips and rolls Ai Moe in a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia now on the mat, wearing Moe down with that headlock.
Ai Moe fights her way to her feet, but Olympia hangs on to the headlock. Moe is able to part Olympia’s arms into a top wristlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe converts it into an armbar. She clamps down on Olympia’s arm, while trying to wrench it from its socket.
Olympia grimaces and is bent over in pain while Ai Moe tightens up on the armbar. Olympia uses her free arm to scoop her up and bodyslam her
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe runs right into a japanese armdrag, and then Olympia applies a stepover armlock.
Moe cries out as Olympia wraps Ai’s arm around her calf and shin. Kelly O’Connell checks in but Ai Moe doesn’t answer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe is finally able to scooch over and grab the bottom rope. O’Connell forces Olympia to break the stepover armlock. Moe gets up but gets flipped with a Mexican armdrag. She applies an armbar of her own.
Olympia is on her knee, sticking her other knee into the ball of Moe’s shoulder. She leans back, putting pressure on Ai Moe’s shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe rolls to her feet. She jumps up and monkey flips her way out of the arm bar. She applies a fujiwara armbar!
Moe pushes up with her feet, grinding Olympia’s shoulder into the mat. Kelly O’Connell asks Olympia if she wants to tap out, but she refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both veterans working on the arm early. Olympia tucks her head and rolls out of the fujiwara armbar. She gets up and gets whacked with a judo chop to her chest.
Moe responds with a side kick to the kidneys. Olympia whacks her with a reverse knife edge to the throat. Moe stuns her with a shotei palm strike
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe knocks her to the mat with a savate kick! She applies an Love’s So Pure abdominal stretch.
Moe sticks her foot and leans back on Olympia’s hooked arm. She blows a kiss to the crowd, getting a pop from the males and hard stares from their wives
Phillip Blauer: That must have been for me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sure, if she’s looking for a guy old enough to be her grandfather who sleeps on my couch.
Phillip Blauer: Hey! Sometimes I sleep on the dog bed when that stupid mutt of yours falls for me throwing the ball out the backdoor and shutting him out for the night.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia uses that one foot height advantage and 50 pound weight advantage to hip toss her way out of the Love’s So Pure. She irish whips Moe into the corner and then dropkicks her against the turnbuckles!
The San Francisco crowd lets out a collective “OH” and Moe crumples in the corner. Olympia kicks and stomps her against the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia scoops her up and running powerslams her out of the corner!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ai Moe kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe gets up, but Olympia applies a front chancery. She locks her hands and pulls back on Moe’s head and neck. She then drops down into a code red armbreaker!
Ai Moe clutches her shoulder, but Olympia rolls her over into a keylock. Moe stomps her heels into the mat in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia continue to target Ai Moe’s arm. She pushes down on Moe’s wrist, trying to hyperextend the elbow.
Ai Moe tries to inch to the ropes, but the taller Olympia has her planted on the mat. She starts trying to kip up out of it, but to no avail
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe rolls backwards onto her feet, and slips her arm out of the keylock. Olympia gets onto her hands and knees, but Moe lands a punt kick to her stomach!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” at the sound of Moe’s boot hitting Olympia’s abdomen. Olympina covers her stomach with her hands as she tries to regain her breath. Ai Moe pulls her up into a reverse waistlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe with a delayed german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia rolls her shoulder up!
Ai Moe lifts her up on her shoulders into a fireman’s carry, and then spins her around and round in an airplane spin
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe twirling Olympia in that airplane spin!
Moe puts Olympia back on her feet, and then tornado kicks the dizzy olympian to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe nearly puts her lights out with Love in Action! She applies a guillotine choke!
Ai Moe rocks back on her head and neck, while wrapping her legs around her waist. She leans back, cutting off Olympian’s air. Kelly O’Connell asks Moe
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia is able to power her way out of the guillotine and starts pounding her with right hands!
The fans cheer as Olympia pummels Moe with punches. When she’s finished she climbs up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia jumps off and tries a frankenstiener, but Ai Moe just pushes her to the mat in a powerbomb!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia kicks out!
Ai Moe steps through the ropes, out onto the apron and waves at the fans. The audience cheers and some people wave back. Moe smiles back at them, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe climbs up to the top rope but Olympia climbs up to the second turnbuckle to meet her!
Phillip Blauer: It appears in the time it took her to wave to the neckbeards, Olympia has shaken off the effects of her pileboom.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Powerbomb.
Phillip Blauer: Hmm?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia showing incredible strength by scooping her up while balancing on the second turnbuckle. She bodyslams her over the ropes to the floor below!!
The San Francisco crowd winces as Ai Moe takes an ugly tumble along to the ropes and apron to the floor. Olympia steps back down to the mat, and then runs into the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia baseball slides under the ropes, dropkicking Ai Moe!
The audience lets out an “OH!” at the sound of Ai Moe’s body hitting the steel guardrail. Olympia stands back up and runs into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia somersaults over the ropes and lands on the apron! She turns around and backflips into a moonsault!! Wow!
The Bay Area crowd pops loudly as both ladies lie on the floor, trying to recover
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia pulls her up and irish whips her into the railing!
Ai Moe arches her back against the security rail, and then slides down it to the floor. Olympia pulls her back to her feet by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia irish whips her but Ai reverses it and shoots Olympia into the ring stairs, flipping her head over heels!!
The sound of Olympia’s knees hitting the steel steps rings through The Cow Palace. Olympia holds both of her legs as she rocks back and forth on the floor. Moe picks her up by the hair and rolls her back into the ring, and then slides in behind her
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe tucks Olympia’s head and rolls her forward into a gedo clutch!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Olympia kicks out!
Moe pulls her up and irish whips her into the ropes. She catches her on the way back with a rolling boston crab
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lover’s Clutch! She pulls back on her legs, bending her spine into a U, while putting pressure on those knees that just hit the steel steps.
Phillip Blauer: And this is all through artificial intelligence, eh? The things they can do these days. Amazing.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? No. Her name is Ai.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t follow.
Ai Moe sits back on the boston crab, contorting Olympia in a painful angle. Olympia shakes her head, refusing to give up. Then Olympia tries to do a push up to power out of it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia tucks and rolls out of the Lover’s Clutch! She hits the ropes, and twirls into a Spartan Punch!
Moe goes down like a bag of hammers. Olympia picks her up by the hair and then gorilla presses her over her head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia displaying that raw power! Effortlessly walking around the ring with Ai Moe pressed over her head
The impressed audience applauds. Olympia finally drops her across her knee in a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: Spartan Backbreaker!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ai Moe kicks out!
Olympia pulls her up by the hair but Moe grabs her by the wrist and pulls her into a ripcord hip attack
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe with the Twilight Dance!
Phillip Blauer: Isn’t that a Tuxedo Mask move?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Actually, yes.
Ai Moe climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Olympia sweeps her legs out from under her. Olympia steps through the ropes out onto the apron, and climbs up to the top behind her. She headlocks Moe, and then bulldogs her to the mat
Ai Moe grabs both of Olympia’s arms, so she’s defenseless against a kamigoye knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympus Has Fallen!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"The Olympic Theme" plays and Olympia gets up with her arms raised
Greg Jin: “At 18 minutes 14 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…OLYMPIA!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia puts herself in fierce contention for Domino’s Hardkore Women’s Championship with a win over the JET Academy Champion Ai Moe!
Kelly O’Connell raises Olympia’s arm in victory as Ai Moe gets to her feet, rubbing her face where it hit the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia shakes the hand of Ai Moe in a show of sportsmanship. Both of these ladies are a class act. We’ll have more after this, folks!
(Little Dragon is dressed in his wrestling gear in the locker room as he sits on a bench seat. He raises his head to look into the camera with a look of business all over his face.)
Little Dragon: "Tonight I face a newcomer named Nomad. A man who is quite tough in his debut at the last show and I know it's going to be a war between the two of us. Then again that's the kind of challenges I enjoy when I'm in the ring."
(He continues to stare into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "Nomad I don't know much about you but let me assure you that I'm not going to give you any breaks since I'm not that type of person. You see Nomad you look like a good competitor but I'm not going to let you have any advantages against me. I'm going to show you why I have tradition on my side and why I am one of the best wrestlers in Hardkore World."
(Little Dragon continues to glare intensely into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "You may claim to be good but this is Hardkore World where everyone must prove themselves and your debut wasn't bad but you have to do better than that. Like I said you a good competitor but you have to do better than that to prove yourself against the roster. I already proved myself and tonight I plan to show why I'm one of the best competitors who steps into the ring. I faced some of the best in the business and I shall continue to do so. Nomad you shall be doing the same thing tonight in San Fransisco against me."
(He becomes even more intense.)
Little Dragon: "Here in the City by the Bay it's going to be an epic battle between you and me Nomad. You obviously were a nomad who wondered around from promotion to promotion trying to find a true home. Then you settled with Hardkore World just to compete in one of the most competitive and most storied promotions in the XHF."
(Little Dragon gets up still staring into the camera.)
Little Dragon: "So in moments it's between us in the ring and I don't care how m any matches we have as long as we meet in the ring and see who is the better wrestler. Good luck I'll see you in the ring."
(Little Dragon leaves as the scene slowly fades to black.)
Fade up on Phil and Guillermo at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match between rookie Syrus Wilder, coming off an injury in Manchester and Doc Holiday who made his Hardkore debut on the same show.
“C’mon ‘n Ride It (The Train)” by Quad City DJs plays and the San Francisco audience boos. He walks out with a cast over his right hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder unaccustomed to that kind of reaction, but his opponent tonight, Doc Holiday is a Bay Area native. As we saw at English Rage in Manchester 2024, Syrus Wilder vanquished his rival Alexander Von Blankenship, putting him on a stretcher. But as they led him away, Von Blankeship’s father, the first X Crown Champion Rat Bastard attacked him from behind. He intentionally injured the hand that Wilder used for the iron claw his father, the first Hardkore World Champion, John “Catman” Wilder, taught him.
Phillip Blauer: I thought his Dad was a train?
Guillermo O’Bannon: You thought he was a human being with a train for a father?
Phillip Blauer: I assumed it was a Transformers situation obviously.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder coming into this match at a big disadvantage, with his biggest weapon, the iron claw, unavailable to him.
Phillip Blauer: A one armed locomotive!
Syrus Wilder steps through the ropes and does a locomotion shimmy that the crowd just heckles
Yolanda Ando: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder wears blue dungaree coveralls. He has a Save The Children International to highlight their mission to inspire breakthroughs in the way the world treats children and to achieve immediate and lasting change in their lives. He also has an oval patch above left chest pocket with “SW” with a blue denim engineer’s cap.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, he Hails From The Rails; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds; His Daddy Was A Pistol, So He’s A Son Of A Gun…SYRUS ‘THE STEAM WHISTLE’ WILDER!!!”
The boos visibly shake Syrus Wilder, who gulps and tries to put it out of his head
The Cow Palace goes dark as the beat to "Got it on Me" by Pop Smoke interrupts the darkness
"Look
Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul
Don't let my heart turn cold
Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul
Don't let my heart turn cold
Have mercy on many men
Many, many, many, many men
Wish death 'pon me
Yeah, I don't cry no mo'
I don't look to the sky no mo'
'Cause I got it on me"
Phillip Blauer: This is a little presumptuous, I don’t want to know how to sing his theme song.
A spotlight shines on Doc Holiday as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp, hood up on his black AW wrestling sweatshirt
Phillip Blauer: Have we not offered him a Hardkore World sweatshirt to wear?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think the best we can do is 30% off with a promo code of JONNIE. Doc Holiday went over the pond to hostile territory of wrestling “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall in his hometown of Manchester. Now back in the states with a big reaction for the Oakland native from the Bay Area fans.
Holiday’s head slowly bobs to the music as he walks to the ring looking very focused on the task at hand. The San Francisco fans reach out to touch him as he walks to the ring
Phillip Blauer: I’m sorry, but I can’t approve of him holding up his former company like this. The executives over there have a lot of things to pay for. Buildings, insurance, transportation, executive retreats, bonuses, secret apartments for their mistresses, etc. He should be happy with what they want to pay Dick Halloran.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday.
Phillip Blauer: Hmm?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday. Dick Halloran was the guy from The Shining.
Phillip Blauer: I see. And who is this?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The rigors of travel overseas to Japan in J-ROK have begun to catch up with Doc Holiday recently, but he’s trying to put that all aside tonight as he wrestles in his home territory. He doesn’t sweat the larger Wilder, and thinks despite Syrus saying he wants to be judged solely on his work and not what his father did here in Hardkore World, that’s exactly why he’s here.
Doc stops short of the ring apron, and pauses for a moment before he jumps straight onto the ring apron. He slides under the middle rope, going to the center of the ring where he embraces the cheers from the hometown crowd with a sly smirk and his arms out.
Yolanda Ando: Doc Holiday is wearing some black board shorts with "Doc" on one side, "Holiday" on the other in shiny green satin.
Green pyros go off behind him as he lifts his arms, shooting from left to right and then right to left.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Unlike his last match, Doc is giving up over one hundred pounds. We’ll see if he targets that injured hand to make up for it.
Phillip Blauer: What does the pyro guy do after this match?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Go home, I guess.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Oakland, California…”
The Cow Palace interrupts him with an ear splitting pop. Doc Holiday nods while preparing
Greg Jin: “He stands 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds…DOC HOLIDAY!!!”
The crowd roars as Doc Holiday gets on the middle of the second rope, pumping them up to cheer louder
Doc Holliday vs. Syrus “The Steamwhistle” Wilder
Referee Tommy Milligan signals for the bell. Wilder and Holiday locks up in a collar and elbow tie up. After some struggling, Wilder takes him over in a snapmare.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Derailment!
Holiday rolls right back up to his feet, and they both nod in acknowledgement at one another. Doc cautiously circles Wilder until he locks up with him again
Guillermo O’Bannon: The veteran Holiday drops to a knee and takes him over into a fireman’s carry. He tries to hip toss him, but Syrus blocks it. Wilder counters with a hip toss of his own!
Doc sits up but Wilder gets behind him and locks on a chicken wing. Holiday struggles to get to his feet as the bigger Steam Whistle keeps him planted on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc back on his feet, but Wilder has the hammerlock behind him. He cranks up on Holiday’s wrist, trying to hyperextend the elbow.
The fans jeer. Holiday is able to wriggle out, but Wilder maintains his wrist and gives him an arm twist
Phillip Blauer: He was able to get out of that for a fleeting moment because of The Train Man’s bum wing. Mr. Butterfingers all of a sudden.
Syrus Wilder twists Doc’s arm. He gives Holiday’s arm another good twist, and Doc winces in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday ducks under and gives Syrus a receipt on that arm twist, twisting Wilder’s arm now.
Phillip Blauer: That’s gotta smart with a broken hand.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pops Syrus with a hook kick!
The audience cheers. Holiday drapes his arm out, and leg drops the inside of his elbow and wrist. Wilder snatches his arm back and cries out in pain
Phillip Blauer: I’ve gotta say, this Dr. Holiday is a horrible example of the medical community to go after the injured hand like that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not a doctor, Phil, but these are both trained fighters, and they have got to take every advantage they can. Especially considering Wilder is so much larger than him. Holiday irish whips Wilder into the ropes and trips him to the mat with a drop toehold.
Syrus Wilder instinctually uses his right arm to brace his fall and his bad hand hits the canvas. Wilder yelps in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus stumbles up to his feet but Doc catches him with a dropkick!
The Cow Palace pops. Syrus Wilder has trouble pulling himself up by the ropes with one hand and Doc Holiday runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc hits him with a diving shoulder block but he bounces right off him!
Phillip Blauer: That was like seeing a locomotive vs. a fly! Or an antacid vs. Kilroy’s first dinner of the night.
The impressed crowd buzzes with curiosity. Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder scoops Doc Holiday up and bodyslams him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The B & O!
Doc Holiday arches his back in pain, and then falls back to the mat. Syrus Wilder cocks his cast in prepration for a fistdrop but pauses; looking at his right hand. He shakes his head, no
Guillermo O’Bannon: Elbow drop by Syrus Wilder!
…ONE!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder could have used the cast as a weapon there, but decided against it. He doesn’t want to turn into someone like Rat Bastard and Alexander Von Blankenship.
Phillip Blauer: Why not? They’re getting a Hardkore World Tag Team title match in their first match as a team. AVB gets into the most exclusive nightclubs, and Rat Bastard is banned from ever returning to Ribero Steakhouse. I’ve heard there’s a bounty from the owners on getting that jacket back.
The San Francisco crowd boos. Holiday stands up and Syrus Wilder catches him from behind with a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder pushes Doc’s chin into his chest, putting severe pressure on the back of his neck. However, with that broken hand, he can’t lock his fingers together and Doc slips out of it. He gives Wilder a jab!
Doc Holiday gets some distance and hits another straight right hand. Wilder responds with his right hand, but stops short because of the cast
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday takes advantage of his hesitancy with a left hook!
Phillip Blauer: The big dumb lummox is going to get killed with this point he’s trying to make to kids that shouldn’t still be awake at 1am to watch.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder rocks Holiday with an elbow! He grabs him by the hair and headbutts him!
Holidays eyes cross, and then Syrus clocks him with a left hook with his good arm. He smashes him with a left cross
Guillermo O’Bannon: This has broken down into a brawl! Doc Holiday backs him up with an uppercut. Wilder smacks him with a karate chop to the chest.
Wilder cracks Holiday with another hard chop that leaves a welt. Doc answers with right cross across Syrus’ chin
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder pulls him in and smashes him with a couple of knees to double him over. He floors Holiday with a left uppercut!
The audience jeers. Wilder looks around, slightly confused, and pulls Holiday to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pops Wilder in the eye with a right jab, but Syrus answers with a kick to his stomach.
Syrus Wilder hits him in both temples with a double chop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Detroit Chop! Doc Holiday responds by raking Syrus’ eyes with his fingernails!
The fans pop for Doc’s dirty work while both men recover from the fist fighting.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday twirls around into a spinning back fist that stuns Wilder! Holiday backflips into a pele kick that catches Wilder right between the eyes!
Syrus Wilder teeters but he doesn’t fall down. Doc Holiday grabs him in a headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday runs to the center of the ring, bulldogging Wilder’s face into the mat!
The Cow Palace erupts as Holiday finally gets the big man down. He pulls Wilder back to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday catches him with a flying headscissors takedown!
Syrus Wilder sits up from the impact and then falls back down. Doc Holiday grabs him by the leg and struggles to turn him over
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday finally turns him over into a single leg boston crab!
Phillip Blauer: Listen to these people cheer crab related submissions. The same way they charge $100 for a crab dinner with a straight face. And that’s if you can even find parking, which guess what? You can’t!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday sits back low, bending back on Wilder’s kneecap!
Tommy Milligan checks in, but Syrus Wilder refuses to give up. Wilder reaches out towards the ropes, but then Holiday cranks back on the half crab
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder using that 6 inch height advantage to strain his fingers out until he grabs onto the bottom rope!
The audience boos as Tommy Milligan tells Holiday to release the single leg boston crab, and then gives him a 5 count to break it. Holiday eventually relents
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday pulls him up and irish whips him, but Wilder reverses it and shoots Doc into the ropes. The Steam Whistle nearly decapitates him with a big boot!
The air goes out of the Cow Palace. Syrus drops to his knees and makes the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Syrus Wilder scoops Doc up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Caboose!
Doc Holiday arches his back in pain as the fans jeer. Syrus Wilder bounces into the ropes and hits him between the eyes with a knee drop
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Norfolk Kneedrop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder irish whips him into the ropes. He dips down for a backdrop, but Doc Holiday drills his head into the mat with a snap DDT!
The Cow Palace erupts in cheers and starts chanting “DOC! DOC! DOC!” Holiday steps through the ropes out onto the apron. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holliday with a springboard cross body!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syrus Wilder kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday irish whips him into the ropes and catches him with a spinning back kick!
Wilder stumbles back a few steps but doesn’t fall. Doc grabs him from behind and stands back to back with him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Wilder sits up, clutching the back of his neck. He gets up, but ducks a left hook from Holiday, getting him up on his shoulder with a back suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Boilermaker!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday rolls his shoulder up!
Syrus Wilder scoops him up and drives Holiday’s head into the canvas with a tombstone
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coal Shovel!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Doc Holiday kicks out!
Syrus Wilder gets to his feet and bounces into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday rolls out of the way for a leg drop!
The crowd cheers. Wilder has some trouble getting to his feet with his injured hand, while Doc measures him from afar
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday tattoos the struggling Syrus with a punt kick!
The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Holiday’s boot hitting Wilder’s skull. Doc walks over and positions himself over Wilder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc flips into a standing 450 splash!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syrus Wilder kicks out!
As Syrus rolls over onto his stomach, Doc Holiday grabs his crippler crossface on Syrus Wilder. The crowd leaps to their feet and erupt in jubilation
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Million Dollar Dream! He pulls up on that injured hand, while peeling back Wilder’s head with his locked hands.
Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to submit, but Syrus shakes his head. The crowd is jumping up and down at a fever pitch
Guillermo O’Bannon: Holiday uses his legs to push back on The Million Dollar Dream, putting pressure on Syrus’ neck and shoulder, not to mention his hand. Syrus Wilder reaches out for the ropes with his free hand. but he’s too far away.
The Cow Palace chants “DOC! DOC! DOC!” Tommy Milligan again asks Wilder if he’s ready to tap out, but doesn’t get an answer
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc cranks back on The Million Dollar Dream and it looks as though Syrus Wilder is beginning to fade. Wilder taps out to end this!!
The fans let out a deafening roar as "Got it On Me" by Pop Smoke plays. Doc Holiday releases The Million Dollar Dream and leaps to his feet
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 46 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…DOC HOLIDAY!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday with a big win here tonight over the big man, here near his hometown, as he goes into Hardkore Helloween 2024!
Doc Holiday rolls out to the ring and slaps hands with some fans, and recognizes some friends and family out in the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans we have NOMAD and Little Dragon! Don’t go away!
(The arena is plunged into pitch black for a few moments and many of the crowd respond by turning on their phone torches. After a short pause in the darkness, a single flame flickers into life - followed by another, then another. The opening strings of "Seven Nation Army" by Stantough come into play and the crowd roar.)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here comes the Hardkore West Coast Champion, the self proclaimed King of the West, the great Syberus!
Phillip Blauer: Now here's a guy that's taken one too many rounds with Kilroy Evans.
(The curtains part and it's not King Syberus that makes his way down first; it's a swathe of servants dressed in medieval gear holding platters of food, pouring goblets of wine and handing them out, jesters and dancers and flute players cavorting alongside them. A hog roast is wheeled down the ramp on a wooden cart.)
Phillip Blauer: Well alright, let's party like it's 1100AD!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It seems like the King has sent forward a banquet for his people. Let me get in on some of that quail.
Phillip Blauer: That's good quail.
(A second roar greets the emergence of the King, Syberus is wearing his full medieval garb; chainmail and tabbard and crown, carried out on his throne as usual by a host of jobbers. He waves a royal wave to the amassed people as his procession keeps coming with more food, handing it out to ringside and setting up banquet tables outside the ring. Syberus is lowered to a point he can step down and climbs through the ropes into the ring, before stepping up on a turnbuckle and raising both hands in the air with a wave, the Hardkore West Coast title visible around his waist.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Looks like Syberus has something to say ahead of his big grudge match with Roscoe Law - a match that dates back over 15 years - is that sourdough?
Phillip Blauer: I can't believe this isn't butter!
Servant: 'tis butter m'lord.
(The music dies down as King Syberus grabs a microphone.)
King Syberus: Yes! Yes! Eat and be merry. For I, your noble King, have arrived to banish the knaves that plague these realms.
(A polite cheer, Phil claps with a chicken leg in his mouth.)
King Syberus: First - I must set out a Kingly decree against the most fowl miscreant that is...
...Marty Donovan...
(His assembled servants boo and hiss and stamp their feet.)
King Syberus: Martholomew... you think that you've seen the last of King Syberus? That your sickening acts, against the King's Royal decree at English Rage in Manchester will go unpunished?
(One of Syberus's most loyal lords climbs into the ring with a velvet pillow, ontop of which is a sheathed sword. Syberus unsheathes the sword, revealing clearly the most awful prop sword ever seen that would look cheap for a bad 90's straight to VHS adventure film. King Syberus's entourage though gasp in awe.)
King Syberus: BEHOLD! The lady of the lake bequeathed unto me the Righteous Blade. A truer steel this world hasn't seen since the days of olde. Martholomew, you WILL taste my steel. And my steel will taste you. I WILL DRIVE (he makes a theatrical jab with the sword that his loyal lord has to dodge) my Righteous Blade into your darkest regions, and banish you to the abyss from whence you came!!!
Phillip Blauer: Wait, what's he saying?
Guillermo O'Bannon (carving his beef with a napkin tucked into his shirt now): I 'unno.
King Syberus: MARTY DONOVAN! You got lucky. You got lucky. You were pitted against the great King Syberus when the winds of fate weren't at my back. You took advantage like a scoundrel and had the audacity to deny me the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Can you think of a greater sin??
(He looks around at his retinue who all shake their heads).
King Syberus: Believe me, Marty. You and me aren't finished. Do you think I'm just going to let you walk around my company with my belt, acting like you're actually the best this promotion has got? Sooner or later, I'm going to catch you again on that card and I'm going to fold you like a fucking deck chair son. Uh, I mean smite thee like the knave that you are!!
Loyal Lord: HUZZAH FOR THE KING!!
Everyone: HUZZAH!!
King Syberus: Now onto the topic at hand. Roscoe Law. Let me tell you something Roscoe, something that you wouldn't understand since you've never been Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. You don't forget the feeling of having that legendary belt around your waist; and then not. The night you decided to take matters into your hands and rob me of that title signed your death warrant. Whether it was the next day, a few months later, or here and now in the year of our lord 2024, I will never forgive you. I will never stop carrying out that sentence. When you come for me tonight, don't think this is just some title match for me like against Anthony Jordan where I can just phone it in and win by default.
You hurt me, and now I'm going to hurt you. You cost me the belt, now I'm going to cost you the ability to walk, and possibly eat without a tube, you absolute fucking melt.
Roscoe, don't you get it? You're not just going in a full body cast tonight, they're gonna have to get out here with a squeegee and a waterproof bag to collect what's left of you when I'm done. I'm gonna suplex you to the heavens you old fuck, I'm going to bash your face into the earth.
You will never, ever escape my wrath.
It will never fade.
I will never forget.
This isn't some fluff that will blow over one day and Jonnie bands us together in some legends tag team to face the heels. I'm not gonna be sliding into your DMs asking you to restart the Society of the New Breed with me. Don't worry about that - you catch me in that locker room Roscoe, and there won't be a match because I'll knock you the fuck out then and there.
(Syberus looks into the camera.)
King Syberus: Roscoe. Read my lips. You are dead. You're a dead man walking, you're about to step into the ring with THE most elite wrestler that Hardkore World has ever seen. I know that for a few months it seems like I've been joking around, taking it easy, well let me assure you Roscoe.
As ill timed as it might be for you.
I am not fucking around anymore.
YOU are the first step on my path back to the top. Back to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
It's mine.
It's mine because I'm the best, and not you nor Marty Donovan come even close. This right here? (He pats the West Coast title) This is mine too, don't think for one second you're taking it - it's gold, and gold has always been gold.
Tonight, my Righteous Blade will severe your head from it's pitiful shoulders, you knave. And justice will be done.
Now, dance, eat, drink all! And be merry! HUZZAH!!!
Everyone: HUZZAH!!
("Seven Nation Army" by Stantough plays again and Syberus drops the mic, holding the sword aloft in one hand and the West Coast title belt in the other.)
Guillermo O'Bannon (dabbing his mouth with a napkin): Well there you have it folks, an intense King Syberus determined not to go down to Roscoe Law tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah yeah, what you said. Is there cranberry sauce?
(The camera fades.)
Fade up to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up next is a match between the returning Little Dragon, taking on former Tap Out Champion NOMAD!
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames before "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator before images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, soaking in the loud pop from the San Francisco fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon making his way back to Hardkore World after taking off nearly a year due to injuries sustained in last year’s Hardkore Helloween, with the numerous lacerations and being piledriven on the concrete by Kalmin Watts. But now he’s rejuvenated, visiting San Francisco’s ComiCon.
Phillip Blauer: A year out in injury and he can afford to pay $24.50 for a cafeteria cheeseburger?? ATM Jonnie must be passing out the big checks now.
Little Dragon storms ringside, slapping the hands of the fans craning over the railing. When he reaches the ring, Little Dragon leaps over the top rope luchador style and forward rolls his feet into a dragon stance
Yolanda Ando: Little Dragon wears a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin. His waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face, arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Little Dragon is glad to see NOMAD over here on the West Coast after admiring his work in Tap Out in Vegas. He’s looking to test him out in the ring after watching so much tape of him over the past year.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 225 pounds…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The kids in the audience are especially vocal in the pop for Little Dragon
Lights out. White flashes in time with a screeching ringing sound. Three times... Three more... A hulking figure bursts through the curtain into the view of the crowd as the lights flash on and off to “Show Me The Body” by Aspirin. The masked NOMAD stands there, bobbing slightly to the drumbeat.
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD’s confidence is at an all time high. He wants the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, but is willing to wait for when the time is right.
NOMAD takes his time in surveying his surroundings before he begins making his way toward the ring, ignoring the hands that reach or swipe at him from over the barriers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s been on quite a tear recently, defeating Dana “The Drone” Daniels in Laughlin, Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen and Moondog Dook in Sheffield. But tonight he takes on the high flying violent Little Dragon to really make his mark here on the West Coast…
NOMAD climbs the closest set of stairs and kneels at the top while the song builds.
Phillip Blauer: Shh. I think he likes this part of his song.
NOMAD jumps up, then walks along the apron and steps between the ropes, whipping the balaclava off as he does. He approaches the center of the ring with arms outstretched, holding the mask in one hand. Then he simply makes his way to the near corner prepares for the match to start
Guillermo O’Bannon: While NOMAD respects Little Dragon, he is not here to make lifelong friends, he’s here to get in contention for Marty Donovan’s Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and win over Little Dragon can do just that.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, from Colville, Washington; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds…He is The Wanderer…NOMAD!!!”
The Cow Palace cheers while NOMAD stares at Little Dragon
NOMAD vs. Little Dragon
Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson looks to his right and sees Little Dragon, the Hardkore World mainstay keeps moving as he bounces from one foot to another. The gaze of the Chinese fighter falls firmly on the last Tap Out Openweight Champion, his expression one of steeled determination. To Richie’s left stands NOMAD. He coldly stares across the ring at what the Valentine family have put in front of him as he stoically stands tall, no movement from the Violent Wanderer. With a quick glance to the timekeeper’s table, Richardson calls for the bell!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time coming out from his corner and darts forward towards the Master of the Backdrop Driver with a quick flurry of forearm smashes, but NOMAD remains standing!
The audience buzzes, impressed. For a millisecond the eagle-eyed viewer might have sworn they saw a smile flicker across Sloane’s face
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD returns the forearms smashes with a huge chop! A forearm smash follows the chop! Another blistering knife edge chop staggers Little Dragon back!
A huge forearm smash nearly knocks Dragon to the mat but he stubbornly remains upright but off balance.
Taking advantage, NOMAD grabs the arm of his opponent and irish him into the turnbuckle with a huge thud
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dragon of All Trades can’t stop himself from recoiling forward from the impact, but NOMAD charges in with a huge european uppercut.
Somehow not dropping to the mat, Dragon lurches forward and finds himself resting his head against NOMAD
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Washington native, hooks the arm and gives him a twisting exploder suplex into the turnbuckle!!
Crowd: LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO, NOMAD! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: Slumped in the corner, Dragon is powerless to stop NOMAD’s next move as he gets wrist control. Another huge irish whip into the opposite turnbuckle. Dragon, once more, staggers out from the corner into a big boot!
The Cow Palace chants “LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT! LA-RI-AT!” Giving himself a beat, NOMAD waits for Dragon to stir. Seeing the Chinese fighter running on pride, adrenaline, and instinct start to get to his feet, NOMAD leans into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD swings the arm…
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No! Dragon ducks, springboard DDT connects and NOMAD’s taken off his feet!!
Kipping up, Dragon’s legs fail him momentarily but he quickly recovers. NOMAD starts to rise
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD eats a basement dropkick to the face!
NOMAD is battling to get back to his feet and as he does so he rushes forward
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon catches him with a Japanese arm drag! NOMAD rolls back to his feet but a Mexican Arm Drag takes him back to the mat. He grabs an armbar on NOMAD. The last time Little Dragon was here in San Francisco was in February of 2023 when he lost to Ruben Bowman.
Briefly holding an arm bar in place, Little Dragon switches tact as he brings NOMAD to his feet. He drops the arm and throws a kick but it’s caught
Guillermo O’Bannon: Backflip from Little Dragon, and ghettoblaster catches NOMAD on the back of the head!
Keen to keep the momentum moving, Dragon drags NOMAD back to his feet and grabs an arm. He looks for the Irish Whip but t’s reversed
Guillermo O’Bannon: Baseball slide catches NOMAD sleeper, Little Dragon comes up behind him with a backstabber!
A chant is growing within The Cow Palace “LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LITTLE DRAGON! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Phillip Blauer: Typical San Francisco wishy washy elites can’t decide on the babyface here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Emboldened, Little Dragon quickly slips between the ropes and climbs to the top. He flips into a shooting star that connects!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NOMAD kicks out!
Dragon shakes off the shock of the kickout and fixes his mask. He grabs wrist control as he brings NOMAD back to a standing base
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pulls the cord, but NOMAD answers with a jumping knee!!
The audience cheers and Dragon drops to a knee. NOMAD takes to the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a leg lariat that catches Dragon as he tries to stand back up! NOMAD, almost insulted by Dragon’s resolve, unloads with a series of vicious and snapped boots to the body of his opponent.
Phillip Blauer: It is kind of insulting if you think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: How??
Phillip Blauer: (points to his temple) I said think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Violent Wanderer wrenches Dragon from the mat and immediately sets about delivering a series of forearm shots to the temple of his opponent that knock the Hong Kong grappler to their knees.
Reaching down, NOMAD lifts up the smaller fighter and scoops him up on his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD drops him on his head with a northern lights bomb and then makes a cover nonchalantly.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Using the mask to bring Dragon back to his feet, NOMAD once again whips his opponent into the corner with such force that his neck violently snaps back
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD lifts Little Dragon up on his shoulders and then tosses him into an emerald flowsion!!
Sloane looks down with a withering look at his opponent. He pulls the still stunned Dragon to his feet and steps back
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD spins around into a discus lariat but Little Dragon ducks it and counters it with a northern lights suplex!
Richardson drops down to the mat to make the count but Dragon breaks the bridge before a count can begin. Little Dragon rushes to the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon with the asai moonsault and this time he stays for the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NOMAD kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: With dogged determination, Little Dragon immediately moves to his next gambit and lifts the leg of the last Tap Out Openweight Champion. He spins around the leg, but NOMAD catches him with a small package!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both fighters are immediately back to their feet but Little Dragon takes his momentum and clocks him with a superman punch!
Seeing the bigger man rocked, Little Dragon runs to the corner and hops up to the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon with a turnaround springboard dropkick that takes the big man off his feet!
The San Francisco crowd cheers the move. Little Dragon dashes to the corner and leaps in a single jump to the top rope. NOMAD gets back to his feet as Dragon leaps
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD catches him in mid air with a bear hug! He adjusts and lifts him suplex style into a kneecap brainbuster!!
For a moment, NOMAD looks like he’ll try for a pin but changes his mind and forces Dragon back to his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD pulls him up into a full nelson. He thrashes him from side to side for a bit, then lifts him up into a full nelson neckbreaker!
Little Dragon’s neck bounces off the mat. A cruel grin spreads across NOMAD’s face as he once more forces the Chinese fighter back up. He irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a pop up death valley driver!!
Reaching down again, NOMAD lines Dragon up for his next volley of offense. He whips Little Dragon to the ropes and follows him in. Dragon comes off the ropes and turns around in the center of the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lariat!!
The San Francisco audience yells “LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Dropping to his knees. NOMAD makes the cover.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Show Me The Body” by Aspirin plays and NOMAD stands up with his arms raised
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 34 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…NOMAD!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD with a statement win here in San Francisco, heading into Hardkore Helloween 2024. Coming up we have The Sheik and Captain Righteous!
Shock Collars! They help dog’s modify their behavior.
Dog barks at a child, but gets zapped and yelps
But what if you’re a middle aged white guy who cannot stop using 25 year old rap lingo whenever you are in the presence of black co-workers?
Three co-workers are speaking when a new guy walks up.
Dave: Jerry. Kent, How’s it going? Joe, Word is bond.
Everyone sighs and walks away from Dave. He shrugs at the camera
Well now, you can quit that annoying habit.
Joe is talking about a new project to his employees at a staff meeting.
Joe: Jerry, we’re gonna have you handle the coordination between the two departments.
Jerry: Yes, sir.
Joe: Kent, we’ll have you look over the numbers and make sure they match up.
Kent: Got it.
Joe: Dave, you’re going to make sure Jerry and Kent have lunch.
Dave: For shizzle, my…
Dave yelps in pain as he clutches at his shock collar.
Joe: Dave, are you alright?
Dave: (labored breathing) Absolutely. Yes, sorry. Let me get those sandwiches. I’m out-y like 5 Gs…(clutches his neck and falls to the floor) Mother of God…
Kent: (to Dave under the table) I’ll take an Italian sub, no mustard, light mayo.
Dave gets up and almost says something stupid but touches the shock collar and takes a deep breath
Dave: Got it. Now, time to go make this cheddar!
Dave clutches his shock collar and falls back to the floor, writhing in agony
Dave: (jolting) Pimpin ain’t easy!!
Smoke starts rising from an off camera Dave as his co-workers seem slightly concerned
Also works for old Family Guy references!
‘Seasons in the Abyss’ by Stone Sour hits, and the San Francisco fans boo as Malcolm Xavier Graves comes out first. The jeers grow louder as The Sheik storms from the back, pointing at the heavens before he snarls and spits. He shoves past Graves, heading for the ring to roll inside
Phillip Blauer: Oh, he did show up.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He did. Malcolm Xavier Graves had made threats of no showing this event, The Sheik is in a foul mood after losing to Lord Dominicus at English Rage in Manchester 2024.
Phillip Blauer: Well, would you be happy if you lost to Lord Dominicus at English Rage in Manchester 2024?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess not.
Phillip Blauer: Try walking a mile in his pointed shoes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik is looking to score a big win here against the previously undefeated Captain Righteous to get back into West Coast and Hardkore World title shot contention.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, The Challenger; accompanied to the ring by his manager Malcolm Xavier Graves, From The Empty Quarter, Arabia; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Man from Rub' al Khali…THE SHEIK!!!”
A choir of children begin to sing after a lengthy sinister haunting piano melody is played, searchlights look around the arena for none other than Captain Righteous who comes floating down while being lowered from above. His cape flaps majestically as he rests both hands on his waist, smiling and scanning the booing crowd below.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous is also looking to forget his trip to Manchester, after losing the Country Whipping Match to Dan Stein. Tonight, he’s got a new opponent in his sights, the wild Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: What I thought was most fascinating in his vignette was the revelation that he didn’t actually lose to Dan Stein.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? Yes he did.
Phillip Blauer: That’s what I thought too, which is why I was so grateful when I heard it was all a terrible fever dream we must have suffered together. A mass hysteria. Like the Dancing Plague of 1518 or pogs.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, whatever Captain Righteous chooses to believe, he did lose to Dan Stein in Manchester, and whatever happens here tonight with The Sheik will be just as legitimate.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, from Manhattan, Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds; The Hardkore Superhero…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”
Captain Righteous waves at the jeering and hostile crowd
The Sheik vs. Captain Righteous
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and The Sheik jumps Captain Righteous
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hammering Righteous in the corner with rights and kicks. He grabs him by the arm and irish whips him into the corner. He follows him in with a heel kick!
Sheik with a gut punch to in the corner, and tries to irish whip him, but Righteous reverses it and shoots him into the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous follows him into the corner with a back elbow!
Righteous grabs the ropes and rams his shoulder into Sheik’s stomach over and over, and then drop toeholds him to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous scoops him up and drops him into a backbreaker.
Captain Righteous pulls Sheik up by the hair, and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous back drops The Sheik up in the air, but Sheik lands on his feet! He basement dropkicks Righteous’ feet out from under him.
The Sheik grabs the rope for leverage and starts stomping and kicking him. He pulls Righteous up into a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik DDTs Righteous head into the canvas! He runs off the ropes and hits a quick leg drop.
…ONE!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Look how far he pushed him off!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik going to have to do a lot more to put Captain Righteous away. He irish whips Righteous into the ropes, but the Hardkore Superhero comes back with a flying shoulder tackle!
Captain Righteous pulls him up and butterflies The Sheik’s arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous double underhook suplexes The Sheik across the ring!
Sheik sits up in pain. Righteous walks over to him and crisply pulls him up to his feet, and then lifts him on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous drops back into a samoan drop!
The Sheik holds his stomach and rolls to his side. The audience jeers. Captain Righteous scoops him up and walks over to the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous comes out of the corner with a running powerslam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with a missile dropkick!
The San Francisco fans boo as Righteous sits up and smiles at them. Malcolm Xavier Graves threatens him from ringside. Righteous pulls Sheik up and irish whips him into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope and jumps back into a springboard back elbow!
Captain Righteous stumbles up to his feet, but Sheik grabs two handfuls of his hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik sits out into a facebuster!
Malcolm Xavier Graves instructs The Sheik to climb up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off with a diving leg drop!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik applies a lebell lock! He locks his hands together and rocks back on Righteous’ head and arm!
The Cow Palace boos as Sheik peels back on Captain Righteous’ upper body. Kelly O’Connell checks into see if Righteous wants to tap out, but he refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Sheik was in San Francisco was back in February of 2023, when he lost to Kalmin Watts. He’s trying to come out tonight as the winner by making the Hardkore Superhero tap out!
Captain Righteous uses his long frame to scooch inch by inch until he grabs onto the bottom rope. Kelly O’Connell taps The Sheik to break the lebell lock but he refuses as MXG urges him to keep it on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous has the rope but The Sheik is ignoring Kelly O’Connell’s commands.
Phillip Blauer: Do they not have rules in Rub' al Khali?!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell laying in the five count, and The Sheik finally breaks the lebell lock at four!
The Sheik pulls Captain Righteous up and pulls his head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a piledriver, but Captain Righteous backdrops his way out of it!
Captain Righteous shakes some feeling into his arm, and The Sheik gets up to his knees
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous tags The Sheik with a shining wizard!
The Cow Palace lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Righteous’ boot meeting The Sheik’s skull
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous gorilla presses The Sheik over his head!
Righteous walks around the ring as the boos rain down on him, effortlessly carrying Sheik over his head until he dropped him on his knee in a gutbuster. Sheik flops around the mat, holding his abdomen. Captain Righteous climbs to the top turnbuckle
Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous is about to fly!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous dives off the top with a flying headbutt!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous applies an inverted indian deathlock. He bridges back, putting pressure on Sheik’s twisted legs.
Malcolm Xavier Graves pounds on the apron and demands that Sheik not submit. Sheik does a push up, trying to power out of it, but Captain Righteous isn’t budging
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous presses his boot on the back of Sheik’s heel, grinding those knees of The Sheik.
Kelly O’Connell asks The Sheik if he wants to give up, but he shakes his head. Captain Righteous eventually gives up and releases the inverted indian deathlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik finally out of the inverted indian deathlock, and struggles to stand near the ropes. Righteous comes barreling in with a clothesline, but The Sheik backdrops him up and over the ropes!
The fans cheer Captain Righteous’ predicament, while The Sheik waits in the ring for him to stand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik slingshots himself over the ropes into a plancha on Captain Righteous!
Both men lie on the floor as the audience boos them. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik back up to his feet, and hands him a steel chair
Phillip Blauer: He’s got a chair! Everyone run! Handsome announcers and children first!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik brings that chair down on the skull of Captain Righteous with a sickening clang!!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” as Captain Righteous wears the chair around his neck, before falling to the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik pulls Captain Righteous up into a front facelock, and then DDTs him onto the concrete!!
Phillip Blauer: That’s the move that gave Bonnie Steamboat the keys to Ricky’s career. No one was home after that.
The audience heckles Malcolm Xavier Graves as The Sheik rolls onto the apron. Righteous pulls himself up by the railing, while Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik backflips into an asai moonsault that knocks Righteous into the railing!!
Malcolm Xavier Graves puts another chair on the apron. He helps The Sheik to his feet. Sheik pulls Righteous up by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. Graves enters the ring and puts the chair over Righteous’ face
Guillermo O’Bannon: What is Malcolm Xavier Graves doing? He needs to stop interfering in this match.
Phillip Blauer: A good fisherman has all his tools at the ready.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik comes off the top with an arabian skullcrusher leg drop with the chair over Righteous’ face!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Captain Righteous kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a slingblade, but Righteous reverses it into a one armed sidewalk slam!
Captain Righteous dead lift gut wrenches Sheik up and then drops to his knees in a ganso bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous Indoctrination!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"For the Damaged Coda" by Blonde Redhead plays and a woozy Captain Righteous waves to the jeering audience
Greg Jin: “At 14 minutes 44 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”
Phillip Blauer: These people should be thanking him. He disarmed a wild man with a chair. Do you honestly think he would have stopped at him?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous gets a big win over the former Hardkore West Coast Champion The Sheik. He now will turn his attention towards…
The Sheik gets up and picks up the chair again
Phillip Blauer: Look out, he’s got the chair again!
Captain Righteous nervously backs out of the ring and backs down the aisle way. When he’s a safe distance away, he turns and smiles at the crowd, waving at them again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous running for the high ground, but The Sheik has turned his attention to unwrapping his wrist tape.
Malcolm Xavier Graves pleads with The Sheik to stop as he continues unraveling the tape
Phillip Blauer: Oh, we’ve done it now.
Guillermo O’Bannon: MXG trying to make cooler heads prevail, but The Sheik has left him in the ring!
Bad acting Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. is standing in front of a Hardkore World banner with a glass of milk.
Larry Valentine Jr.: …
Phillip Blauer: (off camera) Cue! Cue!
Larry Valentine Jr.: (blinks) … Oh man. … It sure is hot today. I wish…I wish I had something more refreshing than this almond milk…that I left out overnight.
*magical chime*
Phil Blauer appears next to him
Phillip Blauer: Don’t worry, Dr. Phil has the cure for what ails ya. The iced tea I’ve been serving in my home for years is now available for Poors like you. It’s Phil’s Pure-a-Tea. The only pure iced tea.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Why…why. Why I’d like a glass of that.
Phil hands him the glass of iced tea. Larry takes a drink and makes a face, then gulps it down
Larry Valentine Jr.: Ugh…I mean, boy does that go down smooth. What’s your secret Dr. Phil?
Phillip Blauer: I shouldn’t tell you this, but just between you, me, and the 12 people that don’t fast forward through commercials I only use non-potable water. Do you know what that is?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I don’t feel so good.
Phillip Blauer: Have another sip.
Larry takes another sip, winces, and then drinks from the almond milk left out overnight as a chaser
Phillip Blauer: Non-potable water is water that is free from pot. Yes, you see hippies try and dose use with their whacky weed, so we’ll see things their way, drop out and beg on the street with a mangy dog for sympathy. That’s why ‘s Pure-a-Tea.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Why are there chunks in it?
Phillip Blauer: Flavor crystals.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Ah.
Phillip Blauer: So run on down to the concession stand and order a tall glass of Dr. Phil’s Pure-a-Tea!
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the number one contender match to decide who will be facing the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion at Hardkore Helloween 2024.
“The Best" by Tina Turner plays and The Cow Palace boos. “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan walks out from behind the curtain and stops to survey the hostile San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan went to a time limit draw with Hardkore West Coast Champion King Syberus at Night of Champions in Paris, then beat him by countout in Sheffield.
Phillip Blauer: He’s got Burger King Syberus figured out, he just needs one more match to knock him off his throne.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Be that as it may, now tonight he has a chance to get a shot at another championship, the Hardkore World Heavyweight title if he can beat former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion “The Punisher” Dan Stein here tonight in San Francisco.
Anthony Jordan both slowly walk to the ring. He gives his goofy grin and drinks in the boos from the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This will definitely be an interesting match up, with the mat proficiency of Anthony Jordan against the brute force of Dan Stein.
Yolanda Ando: Anthony Jordan wears black and yellow long tights with black boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The last time Anthony Jordan was in this town was back in February of 2023 when he managed Kalmin Watts to a victory over The Sheik. Tonight he hopes to be successful on his own with a win that will catapult him into the main event of Hardkore Helloween 2024.
Anthony Jordan gets to the ring and plays to the jeering fans before getting into his corner.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit, and it is to determine the number one contender to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from the Mississippi Gulf Coast; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds…’THE ROLE MODEL’ ANTHONY JORDAN!!!”
The Cow Palace boos
Suddenly the Cow Palace darkens, and the reassuring tones of Ron Burgundy are heard.
Ron Burgundy: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Hardkore fans of San Francisco! Can I please have your attention? I have been handed an urgent... and horrifying news story! The Danimal has entered the building!”
The lights abruptly come on again and the crowd erupts. "Seal The Deal" by Volbeat plays as “The Punisher” Dan Stein and his lovely manager Domino make their way to the ring area, Domino has the Hardkore Women’s Championship strapped around her waist. She’s smiling and high-fiving the fans while Stein walks to the ring with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face. They walk past signs that say “The Danimal”, and “Dan The Man”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein is hoping Marty Donovan holds onto his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship tonight against Kilroy Evans in the falls count anywhere match. That way, if he can defeat Anthony Jordan tonight, he can face Marty at Hardkore Helloween where those two have quite a history.
Phillip Blauer: Well, he can file that away with Steve Perry going back to Journey and his other wishes, because neither are gonna happen, Danny.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein doesn’t think Jordan is ready for him, he believes he’s better than Roscoe Law, who Jordan split the series with.
Phillip Blauer: I hope he doesn’t start something with Roscoe, we’ll lose the last of our Under 40 demo.
Yolanda Ando: “The Punisher” Dan Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots. His elbow is wrapped.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Dan’s injuries are as healed as they’re ever going to be, and so he feels more dangerous than he has in years.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Domino; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is The One Who Knocks…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
The Cow Palace cheers loudly as Dan Stein takes off his sunglasses and raises his Peacemaker in the air
Number One Contender Match
“The Role Model” Anthony Jordan vs. “The Punisher” Dan Stein
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Dan Stein and Anthony Jordan lock up. Jordan does a go behind on him into a rear waistlock. Stein just smiles as Jordan struggles to flip him over and down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein not budging as Jordan trying to pull him down into a rear waistlock takedown.
Phillip Blauer: Look at that smug look on his face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein backpedals, crushing Jordan against the turnbuckles. He drives his shoulder into Jordan’s stomach over and over. Stein puts his boot against Jordan’s throat and chokes him with it!
Anthony Jordan slides down the turnbuckles to the mat, while Stein steps on his throat. Stein starts stomping Jordan repeatedly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein stomping Jordan in the corner repeatedly! He pulls him up into a jumping vertical suplex!
The audience cheers as Jordan sits up from impact. Dan Stein picks him up and applies an abdominal stretch
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein using that 4 inch height advantage to rack Jordan in that abdominal stretch. Stein is undefeated here in San Francisco. His first match was in December of 2006. He successfully defended his Hardkore America Championship against “Platinum” Pat Bozzini and Dougie Ray Bullet in a threeway. Three years later, in January of 2009, this is where he, Andrew Karnage, and the late Adrian Tanner Jr. won the Hardkore Six Man Tag Team titles from Suikerbossie, “The Fight Machine” Basil Coombs, and Randy Candy.
Phillip Blauer: Gadzooks, Randy Candy was champion?
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right. The last time Dan Stein was in San Francisco was back in February of 2023 when he defeated Syberus in a steel cage match, injuring his neck and forcing him into retirement.
Phillip Blauer: I miss that retirement. It seemed like only yesterday.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein pulls back on Jordan’s arm, bending him back in the abdominal stretch. But Jordan plants his feet, and flips Stein over in a hip toss. He follows him down with a headscissors.
Jordan clamps down on Dan Stein’s neck, creating a vice like grip. Stein tries to body whip his way out of it, but Anthony just tightens up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein finally kicks out of the headscissors, but Jordan floats over and grabs him in a side headlock. Jordan wisely trying to wear the bigger man down.
Anthony Jordan constricts Stein’s neck some more with the headlock. He stays in a sitting position for better leverage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein fights his way to his feet, but Jordan is still hanging onto that headlock. Dan slips his head out and german suplexes Jordan!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan rolls his shoulder up!
Dan Stein pulls him up and pulls Jordan’s arm across his neck
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein drops down into a cut throat neckbreaker!
Stein pulls him up by the hair and grabs him into a bearhug. He locks his arms together and squeezes, causing Jordan to cry out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein’s got him up in a bearhug! Stein trying to break him in half with those powerful arms and that barrel chest.
Phillip Blauer: Down, boy.
Tommy Milligan asks Jordan if he wants to submit, but he shakes his head. Stein clamps down harder, making Anthony wilt
Guillermo O’Bannon: Milligan repeatedly checking in but Jordan will not give up. He starts cracking Stein in the head with elbows until he releases the bearhug. He clips Stein’s knee from behind!
Stein stumbles forward and then crumples to the mat as the fans boo. Jordan quickly gets on top of him and starts bashing the back of his knee with elbow strikes
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan hitting Stein in the knee with elbow strikes and then follows it up with a knee drop to the back of his knee.
Stein howls in pain as he clutches the back of his leg. Jordan hooks his legs around Stein’s head in a head scissors. He reaches back and pulls one of Stein's legs back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vainglorious! He pulls back on Stein’s leg, while scissoring his head with that vice like grip.
Tommy Milligan asks Dan Stein if he wants to give up, but he refuses. Dan tries to do a push up to power out of the move. The San Francisco fans chant “DAN! DAN! DAN!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein trying to push up out of the Vainglorious, but without his other leg it’s not possible. He begins reaching out for the bottom rope.
Anthony Jordan tries to do as much damage with the Vainglorious as possible while he still can, but Stein finally grabs the rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein gets to the ropes and Anthony Jordan is forced to abandon Vainglorious. He pulls Stein up and gives him a shinbreaker atomic drop!
An agonized grimace washes across Stein’s face. Anthony Jordan hangs onto his leg, so that Dan is hopping on one foot
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jordan twists Stein’s leg into a drawn out dragon screw!
Stein braces his forearm against his forehead as he lays on the mat. Anthony Jordan spreads Dan’s legs out spread eagle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan leg drops the side of Stein’s knee.
Dan Stein rolls over to his side, holding his knee. Jordan pulls Dan Stein’s head into his legs
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan goes for a piledriver, but the bigger Stein blocks it. He lifts Jordan up for a back drops but then flips him into an alabama slam!
The crowd erupts. Stein tests his knee a little, and then pulls him up into a front facelock, then rolls him so their back to back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rude awakening by Dan Stein!
Anthony Jordan sits up holding the back of his neck. Dan Stein pulls him up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Discus clothesline!
The audience chants “DAN! DAN! DAN!” as he picks Jordan up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein just rag dolls the 200 pound Jordan into the turnbuckles!
Jordan slumps against the turnbuckles but Dan Stein scoops Anthony Jordan up on his shoulder in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein running powerslams Jordan out of the corner!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein irish whips Jordan into the ropes and catches him with a tiltawhirl backbreaker!
The Cow Palace pops as Anthony Jordan writhes on the mat in pain. Stein pulls him up and scoops him up but Jordan floats over onto his feet behind him in an inverted facelock. He twirls into an eye of the hurricane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jordan Twist!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: The Jordan Twist is also a dance craze that’s sweeping the nation. All the cool cats and kittens are doing it. Like smoking.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kids, don’t listen to Phil. He’s sponsored by Phillip Morris.
Phillip Blauer: And nothing better when doing the Jordan Twist then smoking a Chesterfield or two. It’s got that smooth flavor, and ladies, it’ll make you skinny.
Yolanda Ando: Really?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Yolanda. Jesus, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Chesterfield. The official cigarette of the Jordan Twist.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan now on the second turnbuckle and comes off with an elbow drop to Stein’s surgically repaired back!
The San Francisco fans boo. Dan Stein holds the small of his back in agony. Anthony Jordan drives his knee into Stein’s spine
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another hard knee drive into Dan’s back by Anthony Jordan, as he now targets Stein’s long suffering back.
Phillip Blauer: I have three rules. Always go after a body part that’s had surgery. And never, ever let Moondog Dook use your rental car to “meet a fan”.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What’s the third rule?
Phillip Blauer: Hmm? Oh, it’s about troll dolls, it’s nothing.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok? Speaking of targeting a body part, Jordan applies a spinning toe hold to that leg he’s been working on. He gives it a second spin, and now a third!
Anthony Jordan hooks in the spinning toe hold, bending Stein’s leg towards his head. Dan cries out in pain, as Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan attempting to soften up that knee for his Perfect Example. He wrenches Stein’s leg again, making fall back to the mat!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein sits up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein hooks his head, and pulls him down into an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Anthony Jordan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan gets up and runs right into a Stein Line that flips him head over heels!
The audience roars. Stein lifts him up into a suplex and drops Jordan on his head with a tombstone
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein Screwdriver!!
The crowd counts along
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
"Seal The Deal" by Volbeat plays and the audience leaps to their feet. Domino steps into the ring
Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes 28 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein will go on to Hardkore Helloween 2024 to face the winner of tonight’s match between Kilroy Evans and Marty Donovan for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Domino raises Dan Stein’s arm as he soaks in the cheers
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ll be right back with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship match!
Phillip Blauer: What happens when the hottest ladies in professional bowling live in one house? You better hold on to your Gutterballs!
Gutterballs!
Phil in the living room of a spacious, palatial home. He is surrounded by attractive females all sitting on couches and standing on the staircase so as to stay in frame
Phillip Blauer: Ladies. I want you to know that you were all chosen because you are the best professional bowlers in the country, and you’re all smoke shows. You’re the hottest people that can also bowl somewhat.
They all nod
Phillip Blauer: Except for Kammy. She’s just insanely hot and dating a studio exec. So she will be bowling with bumpers for this show.
Kammy waves
Cut to Phil alone, standing against the Gutterball graphic
Phillip Blauer: Take a journey with us as we put 10 volatile, scream queens in a house, and then make them settle their disputes on the bowling lane. Slept with her man? Disrespected her on booze cruise night? You better throw some strikes, Mama! But best of all is The Pinfessional!
Phil’s voice over a shot of a giant bowling pin that you can enter and shoot a video
Phillip Blauer: Inside the Pinfessional, you can take the gloves off and tell everyone what you really think about those chaotic train wrecks you call roommates!
Cut to a contestant, Laura sitting in The Pinfessional. She seems unnerved by how cramped it is inside
Laura: The girls are all pretty nice. That host guy is super sketch though.
Cut to a different contestant Jessica in The Pinfessional
Jessica: That host guy told me there was a mandatory cast party at what wound up being his hotel room. When I get there he was the only person there. He kept saying everyone was late but he gave me crazy man vibes so I bailed.
Cut to another contestant, Jaime
Jaime: I don’t understand why the host has to live with us too? Like does Chris Harrison actually live at The Bachelor Pad?
Cut back to Phil. Standing in front of the graphic
Phillip Blauer: Catfight! Meow! Get out the milk and sausage. This season on Gutterballs!!
Fade up on Guillermo and Phil
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our first title match of the evening as the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions The Sharp Dressed Men take on the father and son duo of Rat Bastard and Alexander Von Blankenship.
The lights in the Cow Palace go out and a red glow comes from the ramp as “Sympathy for the Devil" by The Rolling Stones begins to play through the speakers. As the words come through, the light gets darker.
Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Shadows mix in with the red glow now.
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
Rat Bastard steps through the curtain, a cocky smug look upon his face, with a toothpick hanging from his mouth. AVB steps from behind the curtain, a cocky smirk on his smug face. Hasbulla follows behind, blowing his whistle.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard teaming for the first time with his son Alexander Von Blankenship.
Phillip Blauer: Like the Greg and Verne Gagne, Dusty and Dustin, and Eugene Levy and the guy from Homes.com.
I stuck around St. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
Von Blankenship holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face. Rat takes a deep breath in and runs his hands through his greasy black hair.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard made his return to Hardkore World when he attacked Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder from behind after Wilder beat his son in a stretcher match. He proceeded to break Wilder’s hand with a chair.
Phillip Blauer: A better father I’ve never seen. Imagine seeing your son, being carried out on a stretcher. He must have seen red, and grabbed the nearest blunt object he could find. I would do the same thing if anyone ever touched my swans, Alistar and Champagne.
I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
Alexander Von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl. AVB motions for Hasbulla to go first, and then Von Blankenship follows behind, slowly walking towards the ring. Rat begins his stalk to the ring, shooting dirty looks of disgust out at the fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Where are they now?
Phillip Blauer: They got too expensive to feed so I let them loose in a puddle in a median on interstate 10. They love to watch the cars go by.
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the Kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Von Blankenship points to random fans, stating loudly "I'm better than you" as he goes by fans holding up signs like “Rat Bastard and Rat Boy”. Hasbulla smacks away the fans that try to touch him. Rat climbs the stairs of the ring, slowly climbing inside he begins to point toward the mat, lipping to the fans that he owns this place.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship looking to win the Hardkore World Tag Team titles a second time here tonight with his Dad no less.
Let me please introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Alexander Von Blankenship walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets into the ring. He gives the ring the sign of the cross before stepping inside. He climbs the outside turnbuckle, looks towards the entire crowd. He yells out "Always Very Blessed" before jumping down into the ring
Yolanda Ando: AVB is wearing dark blue Adidas sweatpants, shirtless, with his hands taped like a boxer, with AVB written across the knuckles.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Rat Bastard was the first X Crown Champion in 2003 when he defeated Martyr in the tournament final. Tonight he is looking to win the Hardkore World Tag Team titles here against Joe Nobody and Tuxedo Mask.
Greg Jin: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS! Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, The Challengers. Accompanied to the ring by Hasbulla; He hails from Amsterdam, in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds; He is brought to you by Liquid Death, who tells you to ‘Murder Your Thirst’. He is The Duivel Of Amsterdam, The Nuisance from the Netherlands; Always Very Blessed;…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP…AVB!! His partner is from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; The First X Crown Champion…RAT BASTARD!!”
“Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top plays and the Cow Palace cheers. Tuxedo Mask steps through the curtain with the Hardkore California Championship around his waist and the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship over his shoulder, but instead of his crown he wears an Abe Lincoln hat with his cape with a scepter. He stands at the side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak in the pop. Joe Nobody walks out next and Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a nice tight shot of his face. Joe smirks and adjusts his tie and then his Hardkore World Tag Team Championship. Tux walks to the other side of the ramp and pumps up the fans with his scepter to cheer him on that side as well.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody knows nobody expected The Sharp Dressed Men to upset Team Fairtex in Manchester, but they shocked the world.
Phillip Blauer: I was shocked by how drab Joe Nobody’s living room was. Dear lord, it needs a plant or something to liven the place up.
Tux hands Joe Nobody his Abe Lincoln hat, and Joe begins making his way to the ring. Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to start his entrance, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: How does he hang on to both belts while he does that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It is quite impressive.
Joe Nobody hands Tux back his Abe Lincoln hat. Nobody makes it up two steps, he stops. He turns around to give a toddler in the front row his signature fedora.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Aww, look at that cute little man.
Phillip Blauer: Pfft. You kidding me? I could pull that fedora off way better than that little runt. He’s not even wearing it right, you have to tilt it, idiot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, he’s a toddler.
Phillip Blauer: You always take his side. Look, spot me some money so I can go buy a fedora from Jimmy Valentine Jr. at the merchandise stand, and I can prove it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not loaning you any more money. You still haven’t paid me back for the $200 exfoliant.
Phillip Blauer: That reminds me, I’m out of that already.
Tuxedo Mask walks over to an old man at ringside. Tux takes off his Abe Lincoln top hat and offers it to him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask going to give that Abe Lincoln like hat to that older gentleman in the front row.
Phillip Blauer: Why? He looks more like George Washington.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Will you stop it?
Tux hands the old man the Lincoln hat, and he beams with pride as Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a close up
Phillip Blauer: Look, he has wooden teeth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No he…oh, well, Tux is Japanese and probably doesn't know or care about that kind of irony.
Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He climbs the turnbuckle and holds up his two belts for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match. Joe Nobody enters the ring and points at the crowd before clapping his hands together
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody and Tuxedo Mask have been wrestling long enough that they have gelled as a team very quickly.
Yolanda Ando: Joe Nobody wears a white button up shirt, black tie, black vest with the words "Nobody is Perfect" on the back. He has black boots with white accents of toe and heels, and black pants. Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The Sharp Dressed Men know the odds are against them in this one, especially with what both of their opponents have been willing to pull over the years. But nonetheless they are looking to successfully defend their titles over the legendary Rat Bastard and former Hardkore World Tag Team Champion Alexander Von Blankenship.
Greg Jin: “And their opponents; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 195 pounds, He is The Prince of Perfection…JOE NOBODY!! His partner is from Tokushima, Japan. Standing 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE CALIFORNIA CHAMPION; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure... TUXEDO MASK!! They are the Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS..They are THE SHARP DRESSED MEN!!!”
The San Francisco crowd gives them a deafening pop.
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship
The Sharp Dressed Men vs. Rat Bastard and Alexander Von Blankenship
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and Alexander Von Blankenship and Tuxedo Mask elect to start out.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tries to land a side kick to the abdomen, but Alexander Von Blankenship grabs his leg and dragon screws him to the mat.
Phillip Blauer: AVB knew that was coming.
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two have tangled a few times before. Alexander Von Blankenship won a threeway that involved Ruben Bowman in October of 2022 for a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title. In December of 2022 in Albuquerque, Tuxedo Mask, Kilroy Evans, and Syberus defeated AVB, Marty Donovan and “The High Roller” Wesley Crane in a texas tornado match where they successfully defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles Tux and Kilroy held.
Phillip Blauer: If they were in Albuquerque, why was it a Texas tornado match?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, the next time they wrestled in June of 2024, it was Albuquerque again, where Tuxedo Mask defeated Von Blankenship for the Hardkore California Championship. AVB pulls Tux up and snap suplexes him to the mat.
Alexander Von Blankenship rolls his hips to pull Tuxedo Mask up for a second one, but Tux blocks it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux blocks a second one and gives him a snap suplex of his own!
Tuxedo Mask twists Von Blankenship’s arm, and then runs up to the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tightrope walks along the top rope, holding AVB’s twisted arm. He jumps off with a la majistral!
…ONE!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux grabs Alexander Von Blankenship with a side headlock, and then runs up the turnbuckles into a bulldog!
Tuxedo Mask tags in Joe Nobody in. Alexander Von Blankenship gets up and goes after Tux, but Tux tells him to hang on a minute
Phillip Blauer: There’s no time outs in pro wrestling! There’s CTE, predatory labor practices, and rampant sexual abuse, but no time outs!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody sneaks up behind Alexander Von Blankenship and german suplexes him!
…ONE!
…Alexander Von Blankenship rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody arm drags Von Blankenship. AVB gets up and runs into a second arm drag! Nobody tags Alexander in the side of the head with a shining wizard!
The Cow Palace lets out a loud “OH!” Joe Nobody pulls him up into a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship stomps Nobody’s foot to get out of the full nelson. He turns around and pokes Nobody in the eyes. He scoops Joe up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker.
Alexander Von Blankenship pulls him up and cracks him with a couple of kicks to the side of his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody catches of those kicks and gives him a dragon screw. He pulls him up and ties up their legs, dropping back into a russian leg sweep!
Nobody tags in Tuxedo Mask. He picks up Tux and tosses him onto Von Blankenship with a cross body, but AVB catches him
Phillip Blauer: Tuxedo Mask looks worried.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody dropkicks Tux’s back to knock them to the mat!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask irish whips Von Blankenship into the ropes and then carrtwheels into a handspring into a huracanrana!!
The audience cheers. Tux steps onto the second turnbuckle, over Alexander Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux hits a split legged moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs back up onto the second turnbuckle and pulls him up into a front facelock. He goes for a tornado DDT but Alexander Von Blankenship reverses it into a spinebuster!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!
Alexander Von Blankenship tags in his father Rat Bastard. Bastard scoops Tux up, and Joe Nobody runs in to help
Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship scoops Joe Nobody up, and father and son do a stereo fallaway slams!!
Von Blankenship and Rat Bastard get up and soak in the jeers of the Cow Palace
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard gives Tuxedo Mask a neck crank. He pulls up on Tux’s chin, trying to twist his head off. The last time Tuxedo Mask was in San Francisco was in February of 2023 when he went to a double countout with Cross Recoba. Before that was in 2005 when he and Death Gojira teamed up as The Cupcake Crew to defeat Syberus and AWS Man.
Richie Richardson asks Tuxedo Mask if he wants to give up, but he doesn’t answer. Rat Bastard pulls him up in a headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard comes out of the corner with a bulldog!
Rat Bastard spreads Tux’s legs and then elbow drops the side of his knee. Tux sits up in agony, holding his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard lifts him up in a suplex, drops Tux’s feet on the top rope, and ricochets back into a slingshot suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard goes to pick him up, but Tux pulls him by the front of his trunks, throat first onto the second rope!
The audience pops as Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask with a 619 kick! He hops onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard dragon rana!!
Tuxedo Mask tags in Joe Nobody. He electric chairs Tux up onto his shoulders
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux stands up on Joe Nobody’s shoulders! AVB comes into the ring, and Tuxedo Mask leaps off of Joe’s shoulders, catching father and son with a plancha!!
The crowd roars and then chants “TUX! TUX! TUX!” Rat Bastard stumbles up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard walks right into a superkick by Joe Nobody!
Bastard flops against the ropes. Joe Nobody pulls him around so they are back to back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Rat Bastard sits up, holding the back of his neck. Nobody irish whips him into the ropes and catches him with a jumping calf kick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Perfect Placement! He tries to pull him up but Rat Bastard hits him with a low blow!
The Cow Palace rocks with boos. Rat Bastard drills Nobody’s head into the mat with a DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard irish whips Nobody into the ropes and catches him with a belly to belly suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Joe Nobody kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard gut wrenches Nobody up into a reverse shoulderbreaker!
Nobody flops around of the mat, holding his arm as the crowd jeers Rat Bastard
Phillip Blauer: Rat Bastard going after the shoulder his son targeted. A touching father son moment.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard shoots him into the the ropes but Joe Nobody comes back with the Status Symbol float over DDT!
The fans come to life, as Joe Nobody crawls over to his corner. Tuxedo Mask reaches out and Nobody tags him in
Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody reverse suplexes Tuxedo Mask onto Rat Bastard!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Rat Bastard kicks out!
Tuxedo Mask steps on the backs of Rat Bastard’s knees and applies an inverted facelock. He rolls him up into a dragon sleeper mexican surfboard
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Tuxmission!! He pulls back on Bastard’s head and neck, while pushing up on his knees.
The San Francisco fans cheer. Richie Richardson asks Rat Bastard if he wants to tap out, but he refuses
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship runs into the ring and stomps Tuxedo Mask until he releases the Tuxmission on his father.
Phillip Blauer: Like any good son would. I could only imagine if someone had my poppa in a Tuxmission.
Phil shudders at the thought. Inside the ring, Richie Richardson forces AVB back to his corner. Rat Bastard scoops Tuxedo Mask up and drops him on his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Rat Breaker! Rat Bastard tags in Alexander Von Blankenship, who hits a swinging neckbreaker on Tuxedo Mask!
Tuxedo Mask holds the back of his neck, but pulls himself up by the ropes. Alexander Von Blankenship blindsides him with a superkick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained! He butterflies Tux’s arms and swings him over into an Purification angel’s wings!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tux into the ropes, but Tuxedo Mask slides through Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson’s legs, hops onto the middle of the second rope, and flips into a springboard moonsault that takes out both AVB and the referee!!
The audience groans as all three men lie on the mat. Rat Bastard enters the ring, and Joe Nobody, comes in as well, but Bastard cuts him off with a kick to the stomach. He pulls him up into a razor’s edge
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Plague on Joe Nobody!! He pulls Tuxedo Mask into his legs and then flips him up and then back down with a Bastard Bomb!!
The Cow Palace rocks with boos. Joe Nobody rolls out of the ring to the floor. Rat Bastard rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair. He reenters the ring with the chair and commands his son to hold Tuxedo Mask down by the wrist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh no, Rat Bastard wants to break Tuxedo Mask’s hand like he did to Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder at English Rage in Manchester 2024!!
Rat Bastard aims the top of the chair for Tux’s hand with the audience starts buzzing behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder is in the ring! He blasts Rat Bastard in the face with that plaster cast on his hand!!
Bastard falls to the mat and drops the chair. Alexander Von Blankenship picks up the chair and cocks back with it, but Joe Nobody catches him from behind with his running STO
Guillermo O’Bannon: Denial of Perfection on AVB!! Nobody rolls Tux on top of AVB! Richie Richardson crawls over!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
The crowd jumps up to their feet as “Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top plays
Greg Jin: “At 19 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.. THE SHARP DRESSED MEN!!!”
Syrus Wilder holds up both Tux and Nobody’s arms in victory as Rat Bastard and AVB swear revenge from ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sharp Dressed Men have successfully defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the legendary Rat Bastard and his son Alexander Von Blankenship!
Phillip Blauer: With blatant interference by that human-train crossbreeding abomination! Ruining a perfect father-son reunion. Has he no class? No decency? No dining car?
Joe Nobody straps the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship around his waist. Tuxedo Mask holds up both the tag strap and the Hardkore California Championship simultaneously. Wilder gets the crowd to cheer for them more.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sharp Dressed Men have taken another step towards establishing themselves as a bonafide team. Coming up is the Hardkore West Coast Championship between the King of the West, Syberus taking on former Hardkore West Coast Champion Roscoe Law, the King of the North!
Nick Ketzinger: Hi, I’m Nick Ketzinger of Swinging Waterbed Emporium here to announce our Going Out Of Business sale. My grandfather “Swinging” Saul Ketzinger started Swinging Waterbed Emporium back in 1971 with his famous commercials!
Cut to clip of grainy 70s commercial
“Swinging” Saul Ketzinger: That’s right, Daddy! And remember if you don’t get twice the tail you did before you got a “Swinging” Saul waterbed, I will give you 50% your money back! The ladies can’t help but submit to the motion of the ocean, if ya know what I mean!
Cut back to modern day commercial
Nick Ketzinger: That was our heyday, My grandfather passed it on to my father who passed it on to me and well…looks like I blew it. Yup. I was the crown prince of waterbeds and somehow I squandered my birthright. I don’t know how I’ll look my wife and family in the eye ever again. I pretend to be happy to go to work in the morning, but I just sit in that empty waterbed store. Alone, with nothing but my thoughts. My poisonous, never ending…thoughts. Sometimes, I just want to ram my head through that wall, just to stop them for…even a second.
Nick stares off into space. He shakes his head, at the horror…suddenly he snaps back to attention
Nick Ketzinger: But let my terrible business sense be your good fortune, and come on down to get yourself 60%, 70%, even 80% off on a brand new waterbed. These things were all the rage in the 70s and 80s, I never thought the money would stop rolling in. But then one day, it no longer became cool to sleep on a jiggly floor of swamp water. Whodathunk it? Some visit Swinging Waterbed Emporium on Highway 74, past the old Panera Bread.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the Hardkore West Coast Championship match between King Syberus and Roscoe Law. Roscoe once managed, mentored Syberus, early in his career but turned on him with a barbed wire rowing oar costing him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Oldest story in the book.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, they step into the ring against one another for the first time since the Frank Marano Jr. Memorial Cup with the Hardkore West Coast Championship on the line.
“I Fought The Law” by the Clash plays and pyro hits and the entrance area is lit by red lights and the JumboTron flashes "LAW" in red between classic Roscoe Law footage. Suddenly and quickly, the pyro goes off erratically as the sound cuts in and out and the screen becomes a chaotic mix of static and blackouts until one loud bang of pyro makes the audio stop and the screen go black.
After a few seconds of silence where the crowd cheers with anticipation, pyro blasts loudly as “Trigger” by Motorhead kicks in and strobe lights flash in tandem with “LAW” in large white letters on the screen. Another blast of pyro and the words “‘The Trigger’ Roscoe Law” appear on the screen.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe says he’s only here to enjoy himself, and didn’t mean to trigger Syberus with the barbed wire oar during the Wargames match in Vegas, but clearly he did.
Phillip Blauer: Please, that guy doesn’t blink without planning it three weeks in advance. With ambulances, and lemon juice, and handcuffs, and Happy Faces; he really expects us to believe he thought Syberus would think giving him the thing that cost him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship was some sort of housewarming present?
Roscoe Law slaps hands with some of the fans as he makes his way to the ring. In his arms, Roscoe carries a five-foot-long black velvet bag to ringside and places it respectfully on Hardkore Timekeeper Randy Valentine Jr.’s table
Guillermo O’Bannon: He says he’s no longer that person, but is more than happy to take advantage of Syberus’ anger and use it against him here tonight to become the Hardkore West Coast Champion.
Yolanda Ando: Roscoe has short salt-and-pepper hair as well as a short salt-and-pepper beard. He wears a black leather jacket over a t-shirt which says “Hi, Poke!” and jeans with black wrestling boots with white trim. His hands are heavily taped.
Phillip Blauer: If that’s a reference to Poke the Clown, I hope the TV is broken in whatever jail he’s in.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The crowd here in San Francisco appreciative of both these men. What a match we're about to have on our hands for the Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Greg Jin: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first the challenger, from Green Bay, Wisconsin; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 248 pounds...ROSCOE LAW!!!"
The crowd gives Roscoe a raucous ovation
The opening chords of "Seven Nation Army" by Stantough fill the air as the arena goes black. As the music picks up, torches of flame gently flicker into life either side of the entrance and lining the ramp. After a few moments, courtiers wearing King Syberus's heraldry carry him out on a throne held on their shoulders. The crowd roars as King Syberus is carried towards the ring, and he holds a hand up in an appreciative salute to them all.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus delivered a banquet for the masses earlier tonight, eager to show himself as a benevolent King that cares for his followers here in Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: I'll have to admit that was good short rib. Didn't you grab yourself a tupperware?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, my wife took it to work for lunch.
Phillip Blauer: I see. And what was the reason that she didn’t leave any in the fridge for the color commentator sleeping on her pull out couch?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The reason is she hates you, and we keep telling you, it’s not a pull out couch, you just broke it.
Phillip Blauer: Ah. Duly noted.
Once at the base of the ramp, steps are lowered from Syberus's throne in order for him to climb down. He approaches the ring and is followed by several of the courtiers, who then assist him in removing his crown, deep red cloak and chainmail shirt. King Syberus then steps up onto the ring apron, wipes his feet, and steps through the ropes. He climbs a turnbuckle with the Hardkore West Coast Championship strapped around his waist, and raises two open hands in acknowledgement of the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is a personal match that stretches back decades. King Syberus still holds a grudge against Roscoe Law for turning on him as manager and costing him the Hardkore World Heavyweight title all the way back in 2008!
Phillip Blauer: I say live and let live, he's King of the short rib now. He's got a good thing going. Putting smiles on peoples faces. Wait, what is that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The short rib my wife saved for me.
Yolanda Ando: King Syberus wears long silver tights with boots, kickpads and kneepads all in a contrasting dark brown to resemble leather. From the waist down front and back he wears a knee length tabard of deep red with a golden lion rampant emblazoned in the center front.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus came up short in his hometown against Marty Donovan and then went to a time limit draw with Anthony Jordan in Paris. Back here in the States, he’s looking to successfully defend his crown as the King of the West against his former mentor Roscoe Law.
Greg Jin: “And from Mamecaestre, Albion in Manchester England, Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 220 pounds; The First of His Name; The King of the West; The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…KING SYBERUS!!!”
The crowd roars for Syberus who gives a royal bow of the head.
Hardkore West Coast Championship
King Syberus vs. Roscoe Law
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O'Connell rings the bell and this one is underway. King Syberus has been waiting a long time to get his hands on Roscoe Law – and now he has the chance as both men collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring.
Phil tries to fork some of Guillermo’s short rib, but Guillermo sprays him with a water spritzer
Phillip Blauer: (wiping water from his face) Roscoe has the height and weight advantage to overpower Syberus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe shoves Syberus back into a corner and lights him up with a chop. The King of the West responds with a knife edge chop of his own however and the pair start trading blows!
Phillip Blauer: This match is going to descend into another degenerate brawl, I can sense it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law with the irish whip sending King Syberus running the ropes. Syberus ducks the clothesline and comes back with a flying cross body, but nobody home as Roscoe ducks it!
The San Francisco crowd “Oooh”s as Syberus crashes to the floor. He rolls back to his feet and rubs his chest as Roscoe rounds on him again.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another irish whip from Roscoe Law, he catches Syberus with a side headlock.
Phillip Blauer: Now even I know the last thing you want to do is remind Syberus that headlocks exist.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus starts to elbow out. He lifts the challenger with a back body drop.
Syberus rounds on Roscoe but Roscoe lifts a knee into the mid. He pops Syberus back with a russian leg sweep
…ONE!
... Syberus raises a shoulder
Phillip Blauer: Worth a shot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The challenger Roscoe Law keeping the offensive up. Drop toe hold- looking for the ankle lock but Syberus flips to his back, Syberus with the roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus slips behind Roscoe Law and drops him with a hangman's neckbreaker!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Syberus drags him back to his feet. Roscoe blocks him off and hook him for a vertical suplex. Syberus blocks it and hits some uppercuts
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus runs the ropes but is caught with a spinebuster! Roscoe drops down and applies a scissored arm bar.
Syberus howls in pain as Roscoe cranks on that hold. Law cranks back on his twisted arm, while O’Connell asks Syberus if he wants to tap out
Phillip Blauer: The King could tap here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a blow that would be to King Syberus but Roscoe is doing everything to make that happen. Roscoe Law had some big matches here in the Bay Area. In December of 2006, Roscoe Law beat The Shootfighter in a steel cage match. The last time Roscoe Law was here in San Francisco was January of 2009, when he lost the Hardkore World Television title to Cecil Kennedy.
Kelly O'Connell continues to ask Syberus if he wants to submit but Syberus refuses. Syberus is able to push Roscoe's legs up and slip his head free before turning into the pressure with a cover
…ONE!
…Roscoe kicks out but releases the hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: Smart work by Syberus. He then takes Roscoe overhead with ippon seoi nage!
Roscoe is dazed and rolls out of the ring. Syberus takes a moment and then climbs out. He pauses and looks around for a moment
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus has stopped here, what's he thinking?
Phillip Blauer: Probably about trumpets and large turkey legs.
King Syberus looks under the ring, and the crowd roars as he draws out the prop sword he introduced earlier
Guillermo O’Bannon: It's King Syberus's sword “the Righteous Blade!” Roscoe Law's head might be about to leave his shoulders!
The crowd pops even louder as Roscoe on the other side draws his barbed wire paddle from under the ring as well
Phillip Blauer: Uh oh.
Guillermo O’Bannon: This could be a clash for the ages! The Kelly O'Connell is trying to get both man back in the ring, no one wants a count out here.
Phillip Blauer: But they seem fixated on getting their props out for the cameras- boys and their toys.
Both men come together outside the ring and King Syberus shouts “En Garde!”. Roscoe takes an almighty swing with the paddle that rattles off the turnbuckle as Syberus side steps it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a jab with the Righteous Blade, but Roscoe parries with the paddle. This is about as far as wrestling as you could get but the fans here in San Francisco aren't complaining.
Phillip Blauer: I have do idea what's going on.
Phil grabs a mic from Greg Jin
Phillip Blauer: “IS ANYONE HERE A FENCING COMMENTATOR?”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil would you stop?? We are in the middle of a Hardkore West Coast Championship match and there are no…
One of the guys that carried Syberus's throne out raises a hand
Phillip Blauer: “Get over here.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law just clips King Syberus across the midsection – almost just with a spike of barbed wire but it's enough to bring a yelp from the King of the West and West Coast Champion. Syberus responds by clubbing the handle of the sword into Roscoe's head.
Roscoe and Syberus clash weapons repeatedly. The extra from Syb's entrance is prepped next to Phil and Guillermo. King Syberus shouts “You're not my father!” - Roscoe screams back that Syberus is losing his mind
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Reginald Fitzwilliam IV gentlemen; charmed.
Phillip Blauer: Reg, why don't you tell us what's going on here?
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: King Syberus, the aggressor with a wonderful Fleché manoeuvre – driving back Roscoe Law. Another lunge from the King, but he must be wary of – yes, a fabulous riposte from Roscoe Law.
Guillermo and Phil both watch with their hands on their chins.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Indeed. Indeed.
Phillip Blauer: Of course, we knew that Reg, but break it down for the viewers. Some aren't as cultured as we are.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: King Syberus really taking the fight to his opponent this evening. Oh but would you look at this an incredible beat and lunge from Roscoe Law.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Looks like King Syberus's aggression is going to catch him out here.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Quite.
Phillip Blauer: Quite.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Quite.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Roscoe Law is full of bluster here, one can't help but be moved, reminiscent of the second Earl of Cambridge in his exchange with the Count of Montpellier. Goodness gracious! He's disarmed the King!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Righteous Blade is struck from King Syberus' hand! The King rolls back into the ring holding his hand, which caught a lot of that barbed wire paddle.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Gasp!
Phillip Blauer: Roscoe is on the hunt now.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe back in the ring, comes at Syberus with the full force of that barbed wire oar but the King drops on his back Rhodes style and the oar bounces off the top rope!
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: The King now... stalking his prey like a majestic kestral.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus hits the back cracker!
Syberus circles his wrist as Roscoe gets back up to his feet via the ropes holding his back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe turns around into a flapjack from King Syberus!
Phillip Blauer: Roscoe's face bouncing right off that canvas.
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus applies a hammerlock with one arm and a half nelson with the other, that European Three Quarter Nelson. Roscoe shouts in pain as Kelly O'Connell asks him if he wants to submit, but nothing doing from the challenger here. This was the city where Syberus suffered a career threatening neck injury during a steel cage match with “The Punisher” Dan Stein back in February of 2023. In December 2006, Syberus and Lucifer Jones lost to Hardkore World Tag Team Champions Cobryn and Robert Hunglestien III. Three years later, in January of 2009, he successfully defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship over Lucifer Jones. In March of 2005, he was known as “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and teamed with AWS Man as The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a losing effort against The Cupcake Crew; Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira.
Roscoe starts shuffling towards the ring apron. King Syberus yells in defiance. The crowd starts chanting “Let's go Roscoe! Let's go Syberus! Let's go Roscoe! Let's go Syberus!”. Roscoe finally manages to shuffle under the ropes and Kelly O'Connell demands Syberus break the hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus stomps on Roscoe's back, frustrated that he couldn't get the submission there. Syberus drags Roscoe back to his feet, Roscoe with the diamond cutter!!! Out of nowhere Roscoe cuts the King off!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh and he almost had it! Right there we almost had a new West Coast Champion.
Phillip Blauer: An ode to Kilroy Evan's Bad Touch perhaps, which stripped Syberus of a Hardkore World Heavyweight title many years ago.
Roscoe sits up and slaps his knee. He grabs Syberus in an inverted facelock and does a double chicken wing. The crowd buzzes with anticipation
Phillip Blauer: What's he doing?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It can't be... first the Bad Touch now THE ANSWER 2005!!
Syberus's head and neck cranks off the canvas and out of sheer fortune his dead weight slumps out of the ring so Roscoe cannot immediately cover
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus is laid out here, but the challenger can't take advantage, this would be it for sure with Roscoe Law playing the mind games perhaps with one of the most deadly moves to ever grace Hardkore World – Cobryn's The Answer.
Phillip Blauer: The move that ended Syberus's first Hardkore World title reign. Definitely a dose of mind games from Roscoe Law.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: But the King, like a wily winter fox evading capture, promptly distances himself.
Phillip Blauer: If that's how you describe falling out of the ring like a sack of wet tennis balls, sure.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What is he still doing here? The fencing is over.
Roscoe drags Syberus's dead weight up onto the ring apron and rolls him back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here we go!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: And no, King Syberus somehow survives. He always has been one of the most resilient wrestlers in Hardkore World's history but we can say with some certainty – inertia and gravity saved his title there.
Roscoe pulls up Syberus still dead weight. Roscoe rattles some right hands off King Syberus's head which bobbles round freely between strikes
Guillermo O’Bannon: King Syberus is in trouble here, and – Wait! Eye Rake From Hell!
King Syberus tweaks the eye and the crowd leap out of their seats to oversell it as is tradition. The camera pans to fans holding their heads and covering their mouths in disbelief. Roscoe rubs his eye and wheels back around for Syberus to catch him with a drop toe hold
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law catches the bottom rope with his neck, and the West Coast Champion comes off the ropes and leaps, dropping that leg across the back of the challenger.
Syberus drops onto the pin with his chest smothering Roscoe's face
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law shoves Syberus off!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Roscoe Law refusing to stay down there, King Syberus still out of it from that brutal rendition of The Answer 2005 from Roscoe Law, the champion is pulling himself up on the ropes. Roscoe going for the – well that looked like he was going for Marty Donovan's Dis-Knee, but the champion managed to side step that attempt and a low drop kick takes Roscoe down to one knee. King Syberus hits the Tilted Lance big boot!!!
The fans lets out an “oooohhhh!!” as an audible smack echoes around The Cow Palace. Roscoe Law's head bounces off the canvas and Syberus drops onto the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Roscoe Law kicks out!
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: The King, spearing his adversary with a mighty thrust of his lance.
Phillip Blauer: Oh-okay Reggie, I think you're done.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to muscle Roscoe up for a German Suplex, but Roscoe blocks it holding onto the ropes. The challenger elbows out. Roscoe lifts a knee into Syberus's midsection and hooks him up, delivering an earth shattering jackhammer!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Roscoe slaps the mat in frustration. Syberus staggers back to his feet
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Half way up from Syberus standing up, Roscoe catches him with an enziguri!
The crowd cheers and King Syberus flops lifelessly face first
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus must be seeing stars now! Roscoe rolls him over into the cover, we could have a new West Coast Champion!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus Kicks out!
Guillermo O'Bannon: King Syberus crawls away while Roscoe asks Kelly O'Connell about that count, maybe suggesting it was a little on the slow side.
Phillip Blauer: Sexist. Next he’s going to tell her to smile more.
Syberus is reaching outside the ring for something when Roscoe's attention fixes back to him
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe pulls King Syberus up but the King catches him with the butt of the Righteous Blade!
The San Francisco crowd roars as a stunned Roscoe Law staggers backwards
Guillermo O'Bannon: King Syberus has the sword, he swings it like a baseball bat into Roscoe's ribs!
King Syberus follows through as if he'd actually sliced through Roscoe. Of course despite no blood being spilled, Roscoe still doubles over winded by the impact. Syberus grabs him in an inverted facelock and twists him into a sister abaigail
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus hits his Kingdom Come!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Roscoe Law kicks out!
The audience gasps as Syberus sits on the mat bewildered
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law kicks out of the Kingdom Come and this Hardkore West Coast title match continues!
Syberus shakes his head and climbs to the top turnbuckle. The Cow Palace buzzes with anticipation
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus looks like he's going up top here? This is outside of the champion's comfort zone and could well be a mistake.
Phillip Blauer: Is he even going to know what to do when he gets up there or just winging it?
Roscoe Law sits up and pulls himself up by the ropes. He spies Syberus still shakily climbing the turnbuckles. Syberus has a panicked look as he knows he’s been caught
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law is back up and catches the champion on the turnbuckle!
Phillip Blauer: His royal advisor will lose his head for this.
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: Gulp.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe gets his King Syberus in a suplex position on the top rope – he flips the champion but WOW with a weight shift he lands on top of the champion in a heart punch into Syberus's ribcage on impact!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Syberus gets his foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, even that modified Lawbreaker with a heart punch wasn’t enough to…
The bell rings and the audience groans. Roscoe looks at Kelly O’Connell to see if it was three but she puts her two fingers up
Phillip Blauer: What happened?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I’m not exactly sure.
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, the 30 minute time limit has expired. Referee Kelly O’Connell has declared this match, A DRAW!”
The San Francisco audience boos as both Roscoe and Syberus voice their displeasure with the announcement
Reginald Fitzwilliam IV: What the devil? This is is heresy! Burn her!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ok, Kenny? Can we cut his mic? Thank you.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, but we’re still doing the celebration feast, right? Reggie?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A thrilling match of the year candidate between these two former partners, but neither was able to put the other away here tonight in San Francisco. Coming up fans, we have our main event of the evening between Marty Donovan and Kilroy Evans!
Chemtrails…Area 51…the JFK Assassination…
What else is the government lying to us about? What’s real? And what’s a government coverup?
Open on a dark parking garage. The camera pans over to a dark corner. The orange glow of a cigarette is the only thing you can see, until a man in a fedora and trenchcoat steps out of the shadow
Man: Maybe all we’ve been told about tanning beds causing skin cancer is just another example of the government telling you what you can and can’t have? But I’m not telling you anything. Do your own research and see what you decide about your God given tanning freedoms.
The man drops the cigarette and steps on it
Man: Your cocoa brown complexion could depend on it.
Brought to you by Tropical Tans 4 You, off Highway 74 next to Swinging Waterbed Emporium
