Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Sept 27, 2024 20:33:32 GMT -5
Trekker: So imagine this…
*The Star Trekker’s hand glides across the screen of the tablet pc in which she is currently encased (as she’s on a conference call from the GUNS reality show house). *
Trekker: Big Bone, you are Marlowe, you’re traveling down the dark and dangerous rivers of Africa- it’s like Amazon Trail except you don’t need to stop every five minutes because somebody is sick even though you can’t do anything about it because for some reason that game is harder than Oregon Trail.
*The WUK World Champion, Lord Dominicus is not really listening, though Big Bone and Dinosaur Bones seem quite focused on the talking square of technology.*
Trekker: And after a long and hard journey you reach your goal- the encampment housing Kurtz- played by Lord Dominicus. And he’s rambling nonsense- which should be easy for him since that’s his basic, amirite?
*The henchmen chuckle as Dominicus snorts passive-aggressively. *
DB: WHAT PART WILL I PLAY?
Trekker: Uhhh, you can be the natives who protect Kurtz.
DB: CAN I EAT INTRUDERS?
Trekker: Uh….sure, yeah.
*If he could clap his tiny hands together, he would. The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK has finally had enough though and speaks up.*
LD: I already told you, interloper, we’re not doing any Star Trek stories.
Trekker: What? I’m talking about a literary classic!
LD: No Star Trek comic books either. Ugh, you’re such a fourth wheel!
*The young woman squints for a moment as she processes that last part.*
Trekker: Yyyes? You know fourth wheels are generally helpful on a car.
*Blast, she’s right.*
LD: Well…uh…nobody likes you!
Trekker: I like me.
LD: You would say that.
Trekker: Yes...I…would?
*He’s had enough and starts to randomly poke at the screen trying to turn Zoom off. Finally her face disappears.*
LD: HA!
*The GREATEST EVIL in the company flips the pad over and pushes it away.*
LD: Now on to REAL BUSINESS! If you haven’t seen it, Preston Reese said some rather inflammatory things about us. How do you guys think we should handle this?
DB: EATING HIM?
BB: Forgetting about it and having a party?
*Dominicus sighs.*
LD: Alright, call the leech back.
Trekker: I’m still here you idiot, you just minimized the window.
*Big Bone picks up the tablet pc and re-opens Trekker’s conversation. He then holds her in a theoretical third seat so she can give a formal suggestion.*
Trekker: How about you just cut some rambling bull[CENSORED] promo like you were going to anyway?
*We quickly zoom in on Dominicus’ featureless mask.*
LD: I’m glaring right now
*The next shot is of a tablet PC being thrown out the window, it lands on the grass outside the complex.*
Trekker: You ass!
“Did I hear somebody say ass?”
Trekker: NOT NOW TOM!
*We cut back to inside.*
LD: I mean, she’s probably right- but that doesn’t mean she needs to know that she’s right.
*SMASH CUT to Lord Dominicus outside as he enjoys the last throws of summer by sipping a nice fruity drink.*
LD: Why do so many trust fund kids end up wrestling? I mean we’ve got Preston Reese, obviously. But there’s also the new guy coming in, Sean Alex Junior- which is a weird last time. Or there was Duke Kosloff. Heck, Mongo the Destroyer got into wrestling as just some rich dude who wanted a thrill.
*He shrugs and then takes a sip.*
LD: It’s stupid. You could do anything you want in the world and yet your first choice is “Oh, I think I’ll get my teeth kicked in every few weeks.” Clearly that five-star education was a farce because Reese absolutely is missing a few screws in his head. But who am I to complain? A little class warfare is always a fun time.
*Dominicus looks at the camera.*
LD: I’m winking right now.
*He takes a sip and leans back calmly.*
LD: Now Reese was somewhat justified in trying to dismiss my accolades outside of Wrestle: United Kingdom. In the world of wrestling it’s less about what you’ve done and more about what you’re doing. Which um…
*The Champion decides to remind us of his position as he holds up the belt for the camera. He then lowers it back down.*
LD: That said, I listed off my accolades to help build the context of just how very little Reese has been able to accomplish…anywhere. Here I’m coming in having conquered multiple companies and Reese has…ridden some coattails to a tag victory that was so in question that the rematch was booked immediately? Yeah ok bro, big ups.
*WUK’s VANTABLACK SAVIOR does some sarcastic “raise the roof” pushes.*
LD: Reese has a massive chip on his shoulder but really there’s no substance behind it. I guess somewhere along the line somebody taught you that being born with a silver spoon in your mouth made you good at everything. Well that’s wrong, and at the Pier One Brawl that’ll be fairly apparent. And y’know-
*Dominicus tries to stop himself but he can’t.*
LD: The stupidest thing about having to listen to Reese flap is gums is that he SO BADLY wants to be Wesley Crane. I may have choice words for the former champion but at least he has that claim. Reese’s partner is WAY more successful than he’s ever dreamed. So when I have to watch a guy who’s actually toting around multiple titles after being pretty much champ continuously get followed up by Mr. “Expensive Equals Better”- well Reese just comes off as an annoying knock-off of his own partner.
*Domini-Head-Shake.*
LD: You talk a big game Reese but you said you were thankful that you lost in the tournament that me and Big Bone won while being forced to sing by a machine from a former rival. We won that tournament on our worst day. Remember that as you look up at the ceiling in Belfast.
*A big sip of the drink brings this to a close.*
*The Star Trekker’s hand glides across the screen of the tablet pc in which she is currently encased (as she’s on a conference call from the GUNS reality show house). *
Trekker: Big Bone, you are Marlowe, you’re traveling down the dark and dangerous rivers of Africa- it’s like Amazon Trail except you don’t need to stop every five minutes because somebody is sick even though you can’t do anything about it because for some reason that game is harder than Oregon Trail.
*The WUK World Champion, Lord Dominicus is not really listening, though Big Bone and Dinosaur Bones seem quite focused on the talking square of technology.*
Trekker: And after a long and hard journey you reach your goal- the encampment housing Kurtz- played by Lord Dominicus. And he’s rambling nonsense- which should be easy for him since that’s his basic, amirite?
*The henchmen chuckle as Dominicus snorts passive-aggressively. *
DB: WHAT PART WILL I PLAY?
Trekker: Uhhh, you can be the natives who protect Kurtz.
DB: CAN I EAT INTRUDERS?
Trekker: Uh….sure, yeah.
*If he could clap his tiny hands together, he would. The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK has finally had enough though and speaks up.*
LD: I already told you, interloper, we’re not doing any Star Trek stories.
Trekker: What? I’m talking about a literary classic!
LD: No Star Trek comic books either. Ugh, you’re such a fourth wheel!
*The young woman squints for a moment as she processes that last part.*
Trekker: Yyyes? You know fourth wheels are generally helpful on a car.
*Blast, she’s right.*
LD: Well…uh…nobody likes you!
Trekker: I like me.
LD: You would say that.
Trekker: Yes...I…would?
*He’s had enough and starts to randomly poke at the screen trying to turn Zoom off. Finally her face disappears.*
LD: HA!
*The GREATEST EVIL in the company flips the pad over and pushes it away.*
LD: Now on to REAL BUSINESS! If you haven’t seen it, Preston Reese said some rather inflammatory things about us. How do you guys think we should handle this?
DB: EATING HIM?
BB: Forgetting about it and having a party?
*Dominicus sighs.*
LD: Alright, call the leech back.
Trekker: I’m still here you idiot, you just minimized the window.
*Big Bone picks up the tablet pc and re-opens Trekker’s conversation. He then holds her in a theoretical third seat so she can give a formal suggestion.*
Trekker: How about you just cut some rambling bull[CENSORED] promo like you were going to anyway?
*We quickly zoom in on Dominicus’ featureless mask.*
LD: I’m glaring right now
*The next shot is of a tablet PC being thrown out the window, it lands on the grass outside the complex.*
Trekker: You ass!
“Did I hear somebody say ass?”
Trekker: NOT NOW TOM!
*We cut back to inside.*
LD: I mean, she’s probably right- but that doesn’t mean she needs to know that she’s right.
*SMASH CUT to Lord Dominicus outside as he enjoys the last throws of summer by sipping a nice fruity drink.*
LD: Why do so many trust fund kids end up wrestling? I mean we’ve got Preston Reese, obviously. But there’s also the new guy coming in, Sean Alex Junior- which is a weird last time. Or there was Duke Kosloff. Heck, Mongo the Destroyer got into wrestling as just some rich dude who wanted a thrill.
*He shrugs and then takes a sip.*
LD: It’s stupid. You could do anything you want in the world and yet your first choice is “Oh, I think I’ll get my teeth kicked in every few weeks.” Clearly that five-star education was a farce because Reese absolutely is missing a few screws in his head. But who am I to complain? A little class warfare is always a fun time.
*Dominicus looks at the camera.*
LD: I’m winking right now.
*He takes a sip and leans back calmly.*
LD: Now Reese was somewhat justified in trying to dismiss my accolades outside of Wrestle: United Kingdom. In the world of wrestling it’s less about what you’ve done and more about what you’re doing. Which um…
*The Champion decides to remind us of his position as he holds up the belt for the camera. He then lowers it back down.*
LD: That said, I listed off my accolades to help build the context of just how very little Reese has been able to accomplish…anywhere. Here I’m coming in having conquered multiple companies and Reese has…ridden some coattails to a tag victory that was so in question that the rematch was booked immediately? Yeah ok bro, big ups.
*WUK’s VANTABLACK SAVIOR does some sarcastic “raise the roof” pushes.*
LD: Reese has a massive chip on his shoulder but really there’s no substance behind it. I guess somewhere along the line somebody taught you that being born with a silver spoon in your mouth made you good at everything. Well that’s wrong, and at the Pier One Brawl that’ll be fairly apparent. And y’know-
*Dominicus tries to stop himself but he can’t.*
LD: The stupidest thing about having to listen to Reese flap is gums is that he SO BADLY wants to be Wesley Crane. I may have choice words for the former champion but at least he has that claim. Reese’s partner is WAY more successful than he’s ever dreamed. So when I have to watch a guy who’s actually toting around multiple titles after being pretty much champ continuously get followed up by Mr. “Expensive Equals Better”- well Reese just comes off as an annoying knock-off of his own partner.
*Domini-Head-Shake.*
LD: You talk a big game Reese but you said you were thankful that you lost in the tournament that me and Big Bone won while being forced to sing by a machine from a former rival. We won that tournament on our worst day. Remember that as you look up at the ceiling in Belfast.
*A big sip of the drink brings this to a close.*
