Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 1, 2024 13:46:42 GMT -5
Kevin Valentine Jr. stands with Dr. X in front of the Hardkore World banner backstage
Kevin Valentine Jr.: I’m here with the mysterious Dr. X. Dr. X you’ve signed to be in the Hardkore Helloween Cup in Honolulu. You could be the wild card in this one, as no one knows who you are under that mask.
Dr. X: And that’s how I want to keep it! Who I am is none of anyone’s business, especially you, Hair Spray.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Are you scared to let everyone know who you are?
Dr. X: Watch it, you have no idea what I went through! When I was a young man, my father was an out of work sports writer, yet we still had the means to hire a live-in butler. I grew to love this butler, maybe even more than my own Dad, yet he kept me at a distance. I never even knew his first name, I just called him Mr. Belvedere.
Then I went away to school where I made some lifelong friends. There was a rich girl, a girl in roller skates, a funny chubby chick, and a lesbian. When we graduated, we even opened up a bakery that we ran with our teacher Mrs. Garrett. Of course, 6 people with no business experience running a bakery was a huge disaster and we all wound up suing each other into debt. But we definitely learned a lot about the facts of life.
After the bakery went belly up in the 80s, I had to move in with two of the girls in a three bedroom apartment. However, the landlord wouldn’t let me stay if he thought I was dating either of them, because this was the notoriously puritanical Santa Monica. So I had to pretend to be gay so that I could stay in the apartment. Whenever the landlord would suspect I wasn’t gay, I had to pretend to seduce the landlord, who was in his late 60s. And I had a job. But I somehow didn’t make enough to afford an apartment where I didn’t have to keep pretending to seduce the elderly landlords.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Rent was like $400 back then.
Dr. X: You know what they say, three’s company!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: There are a lot of guys in that Hardkore Helloween battle royal, what is your plan to be the survivor at the end?
Dr. X: Because I’m a man! Alexander Von Blankenship is just like you, nothing but a nepo brat making the world’s easiest living off of their last name. He’s no man, and he’ll find that out on the barbed wire! Tuxedo Mask is just a flouncy fancy lad who is just concerned with kissing broads. That’s no man, either! Joe Nobody gives away that moth eaten hat to every snot nose brat that cheers for him. What kind of man gives a child his hat? I’m gonna smack the living tulips out of Leonard van Dam and knock him out of his wooden shoes! The only other man in this match is Moondog Dook! He reminds me of when I moved in with my elderly father in Seattle and had a successful talk radio show. My father had this easy chair that didn’t fit the decor of my swanky apartment, and neither did his dog Dook. What’s worse is my brother was in love with my housekeeper with a cockney accent, and was constantly launching hair brained schemes to get close to her. Often after the chaos of all of the characters of my life left, I would be left with only Dook staring at me with that knowing glance. I didn’t appreciate those looks, nor the attention he got from them. So at Hardkore Helloween, Dook is the man I’ll be targeting, for those soul skinning looks he gave me! And the hair he left on my sofa!!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: I’m here with the mysterious Dr. X. Dr. X you’ve signed to be in the Hardkore Helloween Cup in Honolulu. You could be the wild card in this one, as no one knows who you are under that mask.
Dr. X: And that’s how I want to keep it! Who I am is none of anyone’s business, especially you, Hair Spray.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Are you scared to let everyone know who you are?
Dr. X: Watch it, you have no idea what I went through! When I was a young man, my father was an out of work sports writer, yet we still had the means to hire a live-in butler. I grew to love this butler, maybe even more than my own Dad, yet he kept me at a distance. I never even knew his first name, I just called him Mr. Belvedere.
Then I went away to school where I made some lifelong friends. There was a rich girl, a girl in roller skates, a funny chubby chick, and a lesbian. When we graduated, we even opened up a bakery that we ran with our teacher Mrs. Garrett. Of course, 6 people with no business experience running a bakery was a huge disaster and we all wound up suing each other into debt. But we definitely learned a lot about the facts of life.
After the bakery went belly up in the 80s, I had to move in with two of the girls in a three bedroom apartment. However, the landlord wouldn’t let me stay if he thought I was dating either of them, because this was the notoriously puritanical Santa Monica. So I had to pretend to be gay so that I could stay in the apartment. Whenever the landlord would suspect I wasn’t gay, I had to pretend to seduce the landlord, who was in his late 60s. And I had a job. But I somehow didn’t make enough to afford an apartment where I didn’t have to keep pretending to seduce the elderly landlords.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Rent was like $400 back then.
Dr. X: You know what they say, three’s company!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: There are a lot of guys in that Hardkore Helloween battle royal, what is your plan to be the survivor at the end?
Dr. X: Because I’m a man! Alexander Von Blankenship is just like you, nothing but a nepo brat making the world’s easiest living off of their last name. He’s no man, and he’ll find that out on the barbed wire! Tuxedo Mask is just a flouncy fancy lad who is just concerned with kissing broads. That’s no man, either! Joe Nobody gives away that moth eaten hat to every snot nose brat that cheers for him. What kind of man gives a child his hat? I’m gonna smack the living tulips out of Leonard van Dam and knock him out of his wooden shoes! The only other man in this match is Moondog Dook! He reminds me of when I moved in with my elderly father in Seattle and had a successful talk radio show. My father had this easy chair that didn’t fit the decor of my swanky apartment, and neither did his dog Dook. What’s worse is my brother was in love with my housekeeper with a cockney accent, and was constantly launching hair brained schemes to get close to her. Often after the chaos of all of the characters of my life left, I would be left with only Dook staring at me with that knowing glance. I didn’t appreciate those looks, nor the attention he got from them. So at Hardkore Helloween, Dook is the man I’ll be targeting, for those soul skinning looks he gave me! And the hair he left on my sofa!!
