[Garbled Indecipherable Probably Profanity-Laced Chatter]
Oct 18, 2024 20:06:30 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 18, 2024 20:06:30 GMT -5
*We open on a bus as it bounces down the road. The shot pans across a couple of people on the bus and eventually finds its way to one person who sticks out like a sore thumb. Lord Dominicus. His expressionless mask is somehow overpowered by crossed arms that suggest he is not a happy camper.*
Bus Rider: Oi, can ya hear me ya daft c-
*He can, but the WUK’s champ’s mind is elsewhere right now.*
*The camera flies over a field as Lord Dominicus walks among a flock of sheep.*
LD: You see, Bloodied Fox, just li…
*Whatever he was trying to say was interrupted as THE DARK LORD OF THE UNITED KINGDOM notices that some of the sheep are taking off in a different direction. He looks to the camera.*
LD: That’s weird, right?
*Instinctively he checks his pockets only to discover…*
LD: What the…THOSE SHEEP TOOK MY KEYS!
*Dominicus begins to press through the sea of wool.*
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
*He stops as he realizes how serious this is getting.*
LD: Hey that’s a rental!
*The camera swerves around, the sheep have entered his car…somehow.*
LD: How is this possible?! You’re an animal, you can’t drive! Get out of my car!
*The car starts up and the sheep in the driver’s seat sticks one of his front legs out the window.*
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
LD: YOU CAN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE FINGER BECAUSE YOU HAVE HOOVES!
Cameraman: Clearly an American breed, the local ones would have probably done the hoof under the chin thing.
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
*The rental car with several sheep drives off.*
LD: I feel like I just got cursed at. I guess we’ll have to call…
*That’s when he discovers the delinquent sheep made off with more than just his keys.*
LD: Son of a-
*The random Scot’s voice comes back into focus.*
Bus Rider: [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter.]
*Dominicus shakes his head to get back into the moment.*
LD: What?
Bus Rider: I said is that some sort of yippy-dippy Halloween costume or somethin’?
LD: No, I’m a professional wrestler. I am in fact the champion of the United Kingdom- well technically the world but my title is based out of a company here. You’ve probably heard of it, Wrestle: United Kingdom?
Bus Rider: Nah, that [indecipherable] is all dafty [probably profanity].
LD: Because of course the person I end up next to doesn’t know what wrestling is.
*There’s a bit of an awkward silence.*
Bus Rider: Well, go on then.
*The WUK Champion is surprised at first but hey, an opening is an opening.*
LD: Well, a few years ago I debuted at Wrestle United Kingdom’s Battle of Britain- at the time the company was filled with…
Bus Rider: [CENSORED]?
LD: Yes, those. Basically the company was United Kingdom in name only, more than half the roster was “good ‘ole boys” from the US, where it frequently held shows, and the actual British members of the company were largely…
Bus Rider: [CENSORED]
LD: Right, and they were too busy being douchebags and complaining about cancel culture- kind of like John Cleese to actually nut up and do anything about the America issue. Around then I realized that the company needed a VANTABLACK SAVIOR, but I wasn’t done yet in CAR- that’s a racing company.
Bus Rider: Ah, racing! [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter]!
LD: Probably. So once I finished CONQUERING that realm I made my way to Wrestle United Kingdom! The Bastards- both their group name and their condition-
Bus Rider: The [CENSORED]?
LD: Yes, those guys; they were already on their way out but something even worse had happened. While I had been busy saving a racing promotion, Wrestle United Kingdom had become a kind of feeder fed to Hardkore World. It was just shameful. So I rolled up my sleeves and for the last year or so have been cleaning house. Now I have broken down and rebuilt the company in my image and it’s the top of the XHF Network. And the next show? The Battle of Britain. It all comes home as I face off against Bloodied Fox to defend my position as the Champion of the Realms!
Bus Rider: Is he a [CENSORED] too?
LD: Apparently not any more. But he is actually English. The very fact that him and many others now are able to join is because of me.
Bus Rider: I….see. And what of yer friend there?
Cameraman: Oh, me?
*The camera turns around and we find out that it was Big Bone all along.*
BB: I just came for the Irn-Bru.
Bus Rider: WELL WHY DIDN’T YE SAY THAT FIRST YA [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter]!?
BB: [Indecipherable probably profanity-laced Spanish]!
*We are blessed with a montage of pictures from around Scotland and England (maybe even Wales?) as the rider and Big Bone enjoy the sights of the various towns on their way to London. There appears to be much alcohol being drunk and merriment to be had- for those two that is. Most of the pictures feature Lord Dominicus with his arms crossed- crossly no less. Finally the video returns as the bus rolls up in the streets of London. The door opens.*
Riders: DOM-IN-I-CUS! DOM-IN-I-CUS!
*The focus of their cheering waves to the people who Big Bone clearly softened up.*
LD: And I promise that I’ll do my best to beat Bloodied Fox and show Wrestle United Kingdom who is the boss!
*They cheer from the windows as a large man in a skeleton pajama suit falls out of the door of the bus.*
LD: …Just as soon as my cohort here wakes up.
*The bus drives off as Dominicus looks down at his oft tag partner these days.*
LD: You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you stuck with the soft drink with the weird name.
BB: [Garbled indecipherable probability profanity-laced Spanish sleeping.]
*Fade out.*
Bus Rider: Oi, can ya hear me ya daft c-
*He can, but the WUK’s champ’s mind is elsewhere right now.*
HOW IT STARTED
*The camera flies over a field as Lord Dominicus walks among a flock of sheep.*
LD: You see, Bloodied Fox, just li…
*Whatever he was trying to say was interrupted as THE DARK LORD OF THE UNITED KINGDOM notices that some of the sheep are taking off in a different direction. He looks to the camera.*
LD: That’s weird, right?
*Instinctively he checks his pockets only to discover…*
LD: What the…THOSE SHEEP TOOK MY KEYS!
*Dominicus begins to press through the sea of wool.*
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
*He stops as he realizes how serious this is getting.*
LD: Hey that’s a rental!
*The camera swerves around, the sheep have entered his car…somehow.*
LD: How is this possible?! You’re an animal, you can’t drive! Get out of my car!
*The car starts up and the sheep in the driver’s seat sticks one of his front legs out the window.*
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
LD: YOU CAN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE FINGER BECAUSE YOU HAVE HOOVES!
Cameraman: Clearly an American breed, the local ones would have probably done the hoof under the chin thing.
Sheep: [Indecipherable baa-ing.]
*The rental car with several sheep drives off.*
LD: I feel like I just got cursed at. I guess we’ll have to call…
*That’s when he discovers the delinquent sheep made off with more than just his keys.*
LD: Son of a-
HOW IT’S GOING
*The random Scot’s voice comes back into focus.*
Bus Rider: [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter.]
*Dominicus shakes his head to get back into the moment.*
LD: What?
Bus Rider: I said is that some sort of yippy-dippy Halloween costume or somethin’?
LD: No, I’m a professional wrestler. I am in fact the champion of the United Kingdom- well technically the world but my title is based out of a company here. You’ve probably heard of it, Wrestle: United Kingdom?
Bus Rider: Nah, that [indecipherable] is all dafty [probably profanity].
LD: Because of course the person I end up next to doesn’t know what wrestling is.
*There’s a bit of an awkward silence.*
Bus Rider: Well, go on then.
*The WUK Champion is surprised at first but hey, an opening is an opening.*
LD: Well, a few years ago I debuted at Wrestle United Kingdom’s Battle of Britain- at the time the company was filled with…
Bus Rider: [CENSORED]?
LD: Yes, those. Basically the company was United Kingdom in name only, more than half the roster was “good ‘ole boys” from the US, where it frequently held shows, and the actual British members of the company were largely…
Bus Rider: [CENSORED]
LD: Right, and they were too busy being douchebags and complaining about cancel culture- kind of like John Cleese to actually nut up and do anything about the America issue. Around then I realized that the company needed a VANTABLACK SAVIOR, but I wasn’t done yet in CAR- that’s a racing company.
Bus Rider: Ah, racing! [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter]!
LD: Probably. So once I finished CONQUERING that realm I made my way to Wrestle United Kingdom! The Bastards- both their group name and their condition-
Bus Rider: The [CENSORED]?
LD: Yes, those guys; they were already on their way out but something even worse had happened. While I had been busy saving a racing promotion, Wrestle United Kingdom had become a kind of feeder fed to Hardkore World. It was just shameful. So I rolled up my sleeves and for the last year or so have been cleaning house. Now I have broken down and rebuilt the company in my image and it’s the top of the XHF Network. And the next show? The Battle of Britain. It all comes home as I face off against Bloodied Fox to defend my position as the Champion of the Realms!
Bus Rider: Is he a [CENSORED] too?
LD: Apparently not any more. But he is actually English. The very fact that him and many others now are able to join is because of me.
Bus Rider: I….see. And what of yer friend there?
Cameraman: Oh, me?
*The camera turns around and we find out that it was Big Bone all along.*
BB: I just came for the Irn-Bru.
Bus Rider: WELL WHY DIDN’T YE SAY THAT FIRST YA [Garbled indecipherable probably profanity-laced chatter]!?
BB: [Indecipherable probably profanity-laced Spanish]!
HOW IT WENT
*We are blessed with a montage of pictures from around Scotland and England (maybe even Wales?) as the rider and Big Bone enjoy the sights of the various towns on their way to London. There appears to be much alcohol being drunk and merriment to be had- for those two that is. Most of the pictures feature Lord Dominicus with his arms crossed- crossly no less. Finally the video returns as the bus rolls up in the streets of London. The door opens.*
Riders: DOM-IN-I-CUS! DOM-IN-I-CUS!
*The focus of their cheering waves to the people who Big Bone clearly softened up.*
LD: And I promise that I’ll do my best to beat Bloodied Fox and show Wrestle United Kingdom who is the boss!
*They cheer from the windows as a large man in a skeleton pajama suit falls out of the door of the bus.*
LD: …Just as soon as my cohort here wakes up.
*The bus drives off as Dominicus looks down at his oft tag partner these days.*
LD: You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you stuck with the soft drink with the weird name.
BB: [Garbled indecipherable probability profanity-laced Spanish sleeping.]
*Fade out.*
