The Battle of Britain III Press Conference... (For everyone)

["The High Roller" Wesley Crane]

(Don asked me to write the beginning of the Battle of Britain III Press Conference. This post is for everyone to add to it. We did this at Battle of Britain I and it was a lot of fun. It's your turn... GO!)

It’s time for the Wrestle: United Kingdom’s Battle of Britain III Press Conference. The room is filled with reporters, interviewers, and there’s even a section for a few fans that purchased the VIP package for the show. Standing in front of the room is Katie Moss, the lead interviewer for Wrestle: United Kingdom, and the “Lady-Friend” of “The High Roller” Wesley Crane. Katie stands at the podium and taps the microphone.

Katie Moss: “Good afternoon… I’d like to welcome you all to the Battle of Britain III Press Conference. Today we will have a few different wrestlers coming out to answer a few questions. When we call on you, please speak clearly and loud enough for everyone to hear you. Now, to kick this thing off, please welcome Kasper Van S-”

Before Katie can finish her sentence, “I’m So Paid” by Akon starts playing. Everyone is shocked to hear Wesley Crane’s music. Out steps Henderson, Wesley’s personal assistant. He slowly and nervously walks toward the podium. Once he gets there, he extends his right hand to shake Katies hand. The music cuts off.

Katie Moss: “What are you doing here, Henderson?”

Henderson: “Well, Mr. Crane insists that he gets to be the first person interviewed. He said Kasper isn’t worthy of going first.”

Katie Moss: “Okay, well where is he?”

Henderson: “He sent me out here to answer questions for him.”

Katie Moss: “Didn’t he do this at the Battle of Britain I Press Conference?”

Henderson: “He did.”

Katie Moss: “Okay… so, I guess they can ask you a couple of questions.”

Hands raise all over the room. Katie points to a woman in the front row. The woman stands up.

Woman Reporter #1: “Henderson, some would say that Wesley Crane doesn’t stand a chance against Kasper Van Slam. Some feel that she’s filled with a rage like never before. What does Wesley have to say about that-”

“I’m So Paid” by Akon blasts from the speakers. Cameras start flashing as “The High Roller” himself walks in. He has the World Tag Team Championship around his waist and has the World Extreme Championship over his right shoulder. In his left hand is a glass, filled with his favorite whiskey. He walks up to Katie Moss and gives her a wink. She grins. She’s big on keeping her work life and personal life separate, even though it’s sometimes hard for her. She’s been Wesley’s “lady-friend” for two and a half years. Wesley then walks up to Henderson and gives him a hard pat on the back. Henderson stumbles into the podium and knocks it over. Feedback can be heard from the speakers. A couple of crew members quickly set the podium back up. Wesley walks to the podium, adjusts the microphone, and then looks out at the crowd.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “Alright, where were we?”

Wesley scans the crowd. He sees the woman standing up.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “Ah, yes… right, Kasper is filled with rage, yadda yadda yadda… am I worried, yadda yadda yadda…”

Wesley takes a sip from his whiskey.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “No, I’m not. Next…”

Katie steps forward and points at a guy who’s standing off to the side.

Katie Moss: “You, the one standing with the green shirt on.”

Guy Reporter #1: “Yes, I’m Oliver Davis from WrestleTalk. There have been rumors that you’re wrestling injured. What’s your thoughts on that?”

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “I hate rumors. Do I look injured? Have you seen me look injured in my matches? No, you haven’t. Go back to your little rumor mill and tell them they can suck my coc-”

Katie cuts in, not allowing Wesley to finish his sentence.

Katie Moss: “Alright, one more question for Wesley Crane. Let’s see… you, the guy in the back with the red trucker hat on.”

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “Nice hat, dweeb!”

Red Hat Dweeb Reporter #1: “Greg Jordan from the 10 Count Podcast. The Commonwealth Championship is the only championship in WUK that you haven’t won. That’s quite the accomplishment. Are you considering going for that championship anytime in the near future?”

Wesley takes another sip from his drink. He then gets his trademark cocky grin on his face.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “If you think I’m giving some dweeb like you a “scoop”, you’re out of your mind… but I don’t want to leave you with nothing, so I’ll say this… When I want that championship, I’ll go get it. It wouldn’t be the first time I walked around with multiple championships around my waist at the same time, and trust me, it won’t be the last either.”

Wesley pounds the rest of his whiskey. He then raises the World Extreme Championship up in the air.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane: “Kasper, I know you’re listening… and I know Blood called for this Press Conference to be “no contact”... so I’ll just say this… At Battle of Britain III, you’re as good as dead. This match will shorten your career. This match will make you bleed. This match will bruise you from head to toe. Kasper, you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. Shit, you even admitted it. You’re going to have to kill me in order to beat me, and I know it’s going to be the same way with you. I’m not admitting that you’re not one of the big dogs around here, but I do question the size of your bite. Kasper, I’m in your head, and I’ve already defeated you. At Battle of Britain III, inside the TerrorDome, it’s time for war. It’s time to steal the show. It’s time to make history. You’re in my world, I’m just allowing you in it. At Battle of Britain III, I end the career of Kasper Van Slam!”

With that said, “I’m So Paid” plays once again and Wesley and Henderson disappear off screen.

(Next…)

[Cross Recoba]

Katie Moss: We’ve got our next participant at today’s press event. I’d like to remind you all that we’ll be limiting the number of questions each wrestler faces to three only. This event is the biggest on our calendar, maybe of any non-XHF-branded events on the Network and I’m sure you can appreciate the amount of time and training needed to live up to an exceed those standards.



AJ Shankz walks on stage in a Hoodrich hoody and Supreme baseball cap. The cameras pull tight on his face and we see that he’s clearly chewing gum. He approaches Katie Moss and waits for the WUK reporter to move from her position at the podium. He flashes a smile at the assembled press and the production team take it as their cue to fade out ‘Thiago Silva’.

AJ Shankz: Yeah, what we got?

The cameras quickly zoom in on a man familiar to long-time XHF Network viewers.

Brandon McKay: Brandon McKay, If The Walls Could Talk. You’re going into your debut match in Wrestle: UK with a chance to walk out with a belt many see as the stepping stone to the WUK World Championship. How confident are you that you can bring home the gold at your first event?

AJ Shankz: Listen, bruv, it’s pretty simple. We’re not brain surgeons or anything, are we? Bell rings, I’m gonna wet that geek up. He might be a veteran compared to me, he might cling to winning two matches in Wrestle: UK when it matters but I’ve won EVERY match that mattered in my career!

There’s a pause in proceedings, the notes being made on laptops and tablets, before another journalist stands up.

Rachel Meeks: Rachel Meeks from Graps, Taps, and Snaps. That might be the case but if we look at your form against Goth’s it’s not so simple. Do you not think the psychological lift your opponent will have from one loss since June against your own recent form of two losses against Brayden Duncan and Spike Kane in Sin City Championship Wrestling.

For a moment, AJ takes some time to think of his response but no longer than that.

AJ Shankz: It’s calm, say less. You want to do that, you do that but Spike Kane is a multi-time X*Crown Champion, he’s literally been to hell and back and I was this close…

Shankz uses his fingers to illustrate how close.

AJ Shankz: …to getting the win. Brayden Duncan was the last DTF Champion and he just put away Nelly Angel but neither of them are Psychotic Goth. I know what I need to get done in that ring, Goth doesn’t realise he’s clapped, anyone who doesn’t realize that is bait, fam… not worth listening to. I’ll show you all at the Battle of Britain, you’ll see man do big man tings!

Katie Moss leans into the microphone.

Katie Moss: We’re down to our final question…yes, you there!

The camera hones in on the last man standing as it were.

Frank Borne: Frank Borne, Answering the Ten Count - our readers want to know how it feels to be, at best a lame duck. You win that title and we know that Crane has it on his radar. Surely you realise that all a win is is a guaranteed match against the greatest wrestler the company has seen?

Shankz kisses his teeth in the direction of the question.

AJ Shankz: Swear down, you must be a nitty, bruv, Jheez! Crane’s chat is dead, fam, he’s bare cheeky to drop that kind of chat. Man gets in the ring with the belt nonce? Man’s gonna bun him, bruv, Crane’s tapped! Tek man fi ediat? He’s got to get in the ring with that girl ting, Kasper Van Slam, go through a Terror Dome and already he wants another title? Wasteman’s a magpie, fam! I’ve been more places on the Network than he has, bruv, and that’s straight facts! JROK, Sin City, DTF…Crane stays here because he went to Hardkore World and he couldn’t get a look in at the pree matches, cuz! I walk out of the O2 with that title and Crane wants to come for man? Man’s going to put him down on his silver-plated bunda! That bell rings at Battle of Britain and it’s not just beating Goth, it’s putting my name on your radar, it’s putting my name on my lips, and it’s sending a message to people like Crane - you’re washed, bruv, this is the future of Wrestle: UK and fam? This man’s the face of that future!

“Thiago Silva” by Dave plays as Shankz throws his hood back over his head and walks off leaving Katie Moss to continue directing traffic at the last press event before the big night.

[Kasper Van Slam]

Katie Moss: "Our next guest or erm, guest's are Kasper Van Slam and her brother David Slam the Third.."

"Remedy" by Seether plays as the pair enter together both of them covered in bruises, Kaspers left eye appears to finally be open but the knot and it's color indicate the damage was severe enough, and David has a limp and stitches across his ear. As they approached the podium Kasper takes her place behind the microphone, David behind her off to the right.

Kasper: "I fell..."

Kasper replied to the stares.

Slam3: "..she hit me."

David leaned in and added before Kasper pushes him back. A young blonde male reporter stood up first.

Reporter: "Kolby Vickers, I'm with All Women Sports, Kasper this question is for you...Is this really the end of your long rivarly against Wesley Crane?"

Kasper: "Yes. Add that I said that matter of factly, confident and proud even because I haven't been this serious about something in a long time...fuck Wesley Crane. He started something and I'm going to end it...He's a dick head through and through, disrespectful to women and I don't think he'll get hard enough to finally put me away..not for good, but I'm as hard as cold winter night."

Frank Borne: "Frank Borne, Answering the Ten Count - David a lot rests on the outcome of your match, nineteen hungry competitors want to win and get a shot at the WUK Heavyweight belt...what makes you stand out? Is the shadow your sister cast over WUK to much for you to shine?"

Kasper steps aside so David could step forward.

Slam3: "Me and my sister have settled our differences, it had to be done but we are on the same page with what we gotta do...we're Slams. We're third generation wrestlers and that's a big goddamn legacy, my granddaddys first major win and the turning point of his career was a match much like mine and for a $100,000 pot. Odds look pretty good for me...odds look pretty good for the Slams, the future of the Slam Nation will be born at the THIRD Battle of Britain..."

Seether plays as Kasper and David leave to the small chants of 'Slam Nation, Slam Nation!'.