Hardkore Helloween 2024

[Jonnie Valentine]

Fade up on a ring wrapped in barbed wire as the Honolulu crowd roars. The fans are holding up signs that say “The Danimal”, “Burn Your Local Bojangles”, “What’s In The Box??”, “Rat Boy!” “My Boy Kilroy!” “Captain Self Righteous”, “What’s Up Doc?”, a picture of Syrus Wilder as the head of a locomotive, “I Don’t Understand How Honor Knight Is Both A Spaceship AND A Person?”, a child holds up a sign that says “Little Dragon’s Lair”. The camera pans to more signs that say “Dan The Man”, “Helloween WIll Trap A Rat”, “Wildcat”, “Dirk Is Hungry Like A Wolf”, “Dirty Dave Is Sleeping In My Car Right Now”, “For A Good Time Call Billy Stryker’s Mom”, and “Big Pun”. Guillermo’s face is painted white, and is dressed in a blue and white striped Hawaiian shirt and shockingly red spiked hair. Phil Blauer just has a fake mustache. Both men are holding coconut drinks with straws and umbrellas sticking out of them

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to beautiful Hawaii, we’re here in Honolulu with the historic Hardkore Helloween Cup! To my left is…

Phillip Blauer: The best roommate a guy could ask for; me…Phillip Blauer. I would like to begin…

Guillermo O’Bannon: When are you moving out of my house, Phil? You said it would only be a couple days a couple months ago.

Phillip Blauer: Typical Gen X parent, throwing his young to the lions so that he can reclaim his personal space.

Guillermo O’Bannon: You are not “my young”, your bike has one gigantic wheel in the front and a tiny wheel in the back. Anyway fans, tonight we have our 2024 Hardkore Helloween Cup! Four barbed wire battle royals, followed by the Road to Helloween match with the winners, and then the winning team goes on to wrestle on another for the 2024 Hardkore Helloween Cup and get a shot at Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan. Donovan will defend that Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against his old tag team partner “The Punisher” Dan Stein. This event goes back to 1995, with past winners like Killboy Powerhead, Hans Schmutzhausen, "Superstar" Joe Jeffries, King, Robert Hunglestien III, Andrew Sinclair, Marty Donovan, Andrew Karnage, Lucifer Jones, Dougie Ray Bullet, "High Roller" Wesley Crane, and last year’s winner Kilroy Evans. That title shot Kilroy Evans earned got him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and The X Crown from Cross Recoba. Then The King of the West puts his crown on the line against Roscoe Law in a match where you must put your opponent in a pillory.

Phillip Blauer: That sounds downright cozy. I could use 40 winks myself. What with the time difference and the fear of a volcano erupting any moment, I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in your hotel room since I got here.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jonnie sprung for your hotel, why don’t you sleep there?

Phillip Blauer: I’m embarrassed to say I’ve grown accustomed to the sound of your teeth grinding at night, and I can no longer go to sleep without it. I see you’re dressed as Carrot Top.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s…no, in honor of tonight’s show here in Honolulu, I dressed as Punchy from Hawaiian punch.

Phillip Blauer: Boy, and people try to peg me as culturally insensitive.

Guillermo O’Bannon: (looks at his costume) You think so?

Phillip Blauer: Your costume is essentially a hate crime here.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jeez, I never thought about it that way. What are you dressed as?

Phillip Blauer: Hmm? Why, it’s your dead father, silly.

Guillermo O’Bannon: What?

Phillip Blauer: Sure, Halloween costumes don’t have to always trick your wallet while you trick and treat. So this year I opted for a homemade costume, one that looks to be a huge hit, judging on the look on your face.

Guillermo O’Bannon: (horrified) Is…that my father’s tie?

Phillip Blauer: Don’t be ridiculous…

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m so relieved. For a minute there, I thought you were wearing…

Phillip Blauer: It’s his entire suit.

Guillermo O’Bannon: You are wearing my late father’s suit?!? (stammering) That…that was in storage!

Phillip Blauer: I got bored waiting for you guys to come home and make dinner, so I stole your storage locker key, so I could find a cheap Halloween costume. I grew out the mustache to complete the look.

Guillermo O’Bannon: (through glassy eyes) You smell like him….

Phillip Blauer: Is that something Punchy says about Hawaiian Punch? I don’t get it. Anyway, oooh…

Phil checks the suit jacket pants and finds a folded up piece of paper

Phillip Blauer: Well, I’ll be. It’s a letter/ “To my son, Gill…gill…” eh, some name. “Always remember, I…”

Phil crumples up the paper

Phillip Blauer: What am I doing wasting everyone’s time? We got a pay per view to see!

“I’ll Cut You Down” by Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats plays and The Sun Spiders walk down to the ring to boos from the crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: What did it say?

Phillip Blauer: Who could read that scribble? Did he die of bad penmanship?

Guillermo O’Bannon: (sighs) The Sun Spiders got lucky in the draw by being selected to be in the same battle royal. They can use their tag team familiarity to double team the rest of the participants.

Phillip Blauer: Don’t be so sure. I’ve heard that Sun Spider #1 only wants to listen to podcast when they drive to the next town. Sun Spider #2 could use this match to send a clear message that #1 needs to be more receptive to his needs.

The Sun Spiders slide under the barbed wire, and go to either corner. They both step up to the second turnbuckle with their arms raised at the jeering fans

Yolanda Ando: The Sun Spiders are a masked tag team that wear yellow and red masks, red and yellow capes, with yellow and red singlets. Red and yellow boots.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. This is the first pay-per-view appearance for The Sun Spiders, we will see if they are big enough for this moment.

Phillip Blauer: I don’t need to see their faces. I can see their eyes. Or maka, in Hawaiian. Sun Spider #2 has the thousand yard stare of a battle tested warrior. I think #1 either has, or will soil his trunks sometime this evening.

The bell rings and the Honolulu fans cheer

Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentleman, and welcome to the SimpliFi Arena in Honolulu, Hawaii for Hardkore Helloween 2024!”

The Hawaiian audience pops

Greg Jin: “The following contest is a Helloween #1, a barbed wire falls count anywhere battle royal. Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Your outside official is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from The Desert; Standing 6 feet; Weighing 225 pounds…SUN SPIDER #1!! Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds…SUN SPIDER #2!! They are THE SUN SPIDERS!!!”

The SimpliFi Arena jeers

“Thunderstruck” by AC/DC plays and Johnny B. Obongo walks down to the ring in sunglasses and a business suit carrying a briefcase

Phillip Blauer: Dress for the job you want.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny B. Obongo typically a tag team wrestler with his partner Kenezu Fujiwara, but tonight he goes it alone.

Johnny B. Obongo takes the suit and sunglasses off and puts them in the briefcase

Phillip Blauer: He’s not going to take it all off is he?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No I…don’t think so?

Obongo slides under the barbed wire into the ring

Yolanda Ando: Johnny B. Obongo wears yellow trunks with black, red and green on them.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Obongo was trained by Suikerbossie as well as Harvey van Houten in South Africa.

Greg Jin: “From Cape Town, South Africa; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 220 pounds…JOHNNY B. OBONGO!!!”

The fans cheer

“Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis plays. A video on the jumbotron shows an alligator in a cage, struggling to break free. The alligator's struggles intensify, its movements becoming more frantic. Just as the song kicks into full gear, the cage shatters, and the alligator escapes, roaring into the night. The Honolulu crowd erupts in cheers as “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall emerges from the mist, clad in a green silk jacket emblazoned with the team name: The Fabulous Free Gators. Callum remains stone-faced, his gaze fixed on the opponents in the ring. A scrolling graphic on the broadcast displays the phone number and URL for the Florida Man Legal Defense Fund. The crowd's cheers intensify as they donate to the cause.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Callum Cornwall recently joined up with Deacon Oldham and Dana “The Drone” Daniels to form The Fabulous Free Gators.

Phillip Blauer: Yeah? And how did that go?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Poorly, they lost a handicap match to the Dutch Express in San Francisco.

Yolanda Ando: Callum Cornwall wears simple wrestling boots and black tights that have tentacles painted on them in gold.

Cornwall slides under the barbed wire and holds up the flag in the center of the ring and begins to stretch for his match

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The last time Cornwall was in Hawaii was September of 2023 when he, Little Dragon and Dana “The Drone” Daniels lost a trios match to TEMERARIO, Drake Manson, Hayley Grimes in Maui.

Greg Jin: “From Manchester, England; Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 175 pounds…’THE SALFORD SQUID’ CALLUM CORNWALL!!!”

The SimpliFi Arena cheers

“He’s So Fine” by The Chiffons play and and Phantam Fairtex comes to ringside

Guillermo O’Bannon: Former Hardkore World Tag Team Champion Phantam Fairtex coming down to the ring. A big win here would be a big breakout for this second generation star.

Phantam Fairtex slides under the barbed wire enter and walks like a model before going to his corner

Phillip Blauer: Wait, so he’s a model turned MMA fighter turned professional wrestler?

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right.

Phillip Blauer: Jeez, this guy can’t hold down a job to save his life.

Guillermo O’Bannon: His father The Shootfighter was a fixture at these events, and eliminated a who’s who like Hero in 2004, “The Saikyo Terrorist” Tatsuya Arakawa in 2005, and Woj Daddy in 2006.

Phillip Blauer: More like a who’s that?

Fairtex jumps up and down, slapping and beating his chest and face, psyching himself up

Yolanda Ando: Phantam wears tight white MMA fighting trunks with a dragon and tiger and the Thailand flag on the front and back of his trunks, and black wrestling boots.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Phantam Fairtex feels Helloween is proof that Hardkore wrestlers are the toughest around, and he’ll get no argument from me.

Phillip Blauer: What costume do you think he picked for the afterparty?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’ve already seen it. He wants it to be a surprise.

Phillip Blauer: You can tell me, no one can hear us. Beetlejuice?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No. I’m not going to tell you.

Phillip Blauer: A slim jim?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No.

Phillip Blauer: Captain Crunch?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No.

Greg Jin: “From Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds…PHANTAM FAIRTEX!!!”

The fans cheer as Fairtex prepares in a corner

“Born to be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays and a guy on screen with a ponytail riding a motorbike plays on the video tron. Then Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen walks out dressed the same but with a wool coat over his high black boots

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen came back after a long lay off due to some surgeries he needed, now he’s hoping to win his first Helloween.

Before he enters the ring, Dirk removes his wool jacket so that the female fans can see his muscles, hairy chest, and spiked reddish hair and mustache

Yolanda Ando: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen wears tight knee high leather pants and black boots.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Despite his 20 plus year career, this is Dirk’s first Helloween. He’s wary of this brutal type of match, but feels he’s scouted enough of the talent in the ring to hold his own.

Greg Jin: “From Antwerpen, Belgium; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 230 pounds…DIRK ‘GLORIOUS WOLF’ VAN THIJMEN!!!”

The audience applauds

A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames before "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator before images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon’s father Dragon Belt competed in Hardkore Helloween 2006 where he lasted over an hour and eliminated the legendary Dutch superstar Gorgeous Greg before getting eliminated by Marty Donovan.

Phillip Blauer: That’s quite a feather in your cap to pin Gorgeous Greg. He’s like the Dutch Hulk Hogan. Because the CTE makes him tear his shirt off in public too.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you stop? That’s not true.

Little Dragon storms ringside and slides under the barbed wire. He forward rolls onto his feet in a dragon stance

Guillermo O’Bannon: Then at Hardkore Helloween 2007, then Hardkore Australia Southern Cross Champion Dragon Belt lasted an hour again before being eliminated by Ken Shiro. At Hardkore Helloween 2008, Dragon Belt lasted 53 minutes and eliminated CK Panic. That same night, his mother Dragonatrix was in the first ever women’s Hardkore Helloween, lasting 30 minutes until she was eliminated by Aunt Lucinda.

Yolanda Ando: Little Dragon wears a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. As we said, Little Dragon has been here in the South Pacific before, teaming with Dana “The Drone” Daniels and “The Salford Squid in a losing effort to TEMERARIO, Drake Manson, Hayley Grimes in Maui back in September of 2023.

Dragon and Phantam Fairtex begin talking to one another

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon conferring with Phantam Fairtex. His father Dragon Belt teamed with Phantam’s brother, Tong, so they have a great familiarity with one another.

Greg Jin: “From Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 225 pounds; The Dragon of All Trades…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”

The crowd, especially the kids, give Little Dragon a big pop

Phillip Blauer: Wow, China, Belgium, Thailand, England, South Africa and “The Desert” are all represented here tonight.

The lights in the SimpliFi Arena go out and a red glow comes from the ramp as “Sympathy for the Devil" by The Rolling Stones begins to play through the speakers. As the words come through, the light gets darker.

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
And I was around when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain

Shadows mix in with the red glow now.

Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

Rat Bastard steps through the curtain, a cocky smug look upon his face, with a toothpick hanging from his mouth

Guillermo O’Bannon: The first ever X Crown Champion and self proclaimed top of the food chain is here to get his shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion and create a dream match.

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

Rat takes a deep breath in and runs his hands through his greasy black hair.

Guillermo O’Bannon: For years, while wrestling for XHF, he has tuned in to see this event and wondered how he would fare. Tonight he will find out.

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

Rat begins his stalk to the ring, shooting dirty looks of disgust out at the fans.

Guillermo O’Bannon: In San Francisco, Syrus Wilder cost him the Hardkore World Tag Team titles, so Rat is hoping to see him somewhere along the line tonight.

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the Kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me

Rat slides under the barbed wire and begins to point toward the mat, lipping to the fans that he owns this place.

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Greg Jin: “From Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; Hell’s Father of the Year…RAT BASTARD!!!”

The Honolulu fans boo

Lights out. White flashes in time with a screeching ringing sound. Three times... Three more... A hulking figure bursts through the curtain into the view of the crowd as the lights flash on and off. The masked NOMAD stands there, bobbing slightly to the drumbeat.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Since leaving Tap Out, NOMAD has been on a tear, Dana “The Drone” Daniels in Laughlin, Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen in Manchester, Moondog Dook in Sheffield, England, and Little Dragon in San Francisco. All going down to that devastating lariat.

NOMAD takes his time in surveying his surroundings before he begins making his way toward the ring, ignoring the hands that reach or swipe at him from over the barriers. He kneels at ringside while the song builds

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD came here with one goal in mind. To win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, tonight is his first chance, albeit a longshot, to fulfill that goal.

NOMAD slides under the barbed wire and jumps up,, whipping the balaclava off as he does. He approaches the center of the ring with arms outstretched, holding the mask in one hand. Then he simply makes his way to the near corner prepares for the match to start

Greg Jin: “From Colville, Washington; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds; The King of the Lariat…NOMAD!!!”

The crowd cheers

“Electric Head, Part One (Satan in High Heels Mix)” by White Zombie plays and Jason Long walks out dressed like Blade

Guillermo O’Bannon: At long last, Jason Long makes his debut on the West Coast, here in Hardkore World!

Phillip Blauer: And he does it dressed as one of the Matrix guys!

Guillermo O’Bannon: I think he’s supposed to be Blade.

Phillip Blauer: I believe that’s the same show.

Jason Long walks down the aisle as the Hawaiian fans strain to try and pat him on the back and shoulders

Guillermo O’Bannon: He is a former X*Crown Championship and has held the XHF Tag Team Championship twice. He’s also held the XHF Hardcore Championship, so he can handle himself in matches like these, but it’s one thing to see a Hardkore Helloween, and another to actually compete in one.

Long slides under the barbed wire and eyes the other 9 men in the ring cautiously

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jason Long also has little familiarity with most of the men in the ring, he holds a DQ win over NOMAD in a TAPOUT tournament but with all he’s accomplished…

Phillip Blauer: Oh, here we go. Put over the Irish guys.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not putting over the Irish guys, I’m simply stating that in his career he has faced adversity similar to this match.

Phillip Blauer: Why not talk about about his negative points?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Like what? You don’t even know this guy.

Phillip Blauer: Why’s he wet?

Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not wet, that’s…his hairdo and his pre-match sweat…I don’t know.

Phillip Blauer: The guy is damp. I don’t like my wrestlers that moist.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok well, I don’t know what to tell you. He’s a good wrestler, which is what’s important in Helloween. You’re grasping at straws. They’re all wet, Phil.

Phillip Blauer: (suspiciously) This one seems wetter.

Yolanda Ando: Jason Long wears a black leather trench coat, and sunglasses.

Greg Jin: “From Wexford Town, County Wexford, Ireland; Standing 6 feet; Weighing 224 pounds; The Last Crusader…JASON LONG!!!”

The Hawaiian crowd gives Jason Long a huge pop

---

Helloween #1

Jason Long

NOMAD

Rat Bastard

Little Dragon

Dirk “The Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen

Phantam Fairtex

“The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall

Johnny B. Obongo

Sun Spider #2

Sun Spider #1

---

Referee Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson signals for the bell. All ten men converge on one another, smoking cigars

Guillermo O’Bannon: And we are underway of the 2024 Hardkore Helloween Cup! Four of the 14 winners of the Helloween Cup have gone on to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship! NOMAD smashes Sun Spider 51 in the face with a forearm shot.

NOMAD smashes Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen slugs Sun Spider #1 in the stomach. NOMAD smashes Johnny B Obongo gets a running start and charges towards a few wrestlers

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon catches Obongo with a Mexican arm drag. Phantam Fairtex challenges Sun Spider #2 to a test of strength.

Phillip Blauer: That makes sense, Sun Spider #2 is considered the powerhouse of the two.

Guillermo O’Bannon: How do you know this much about the Sun Spiders? Quick, who is the Hardkore West Coast Champion?

Phillip Blauer: Couldn’t tell you.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon gives Johnny B. Obongo another Mexican arm drag. Phantam Fairtex and Sun Spider #2 lock up in a test of strength.

Jason Long smashes Callum Cornwall in the face with an open palm strike. Little Dragon applies an armbar on Johnny B. Obongo

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex and Sun Spider #2 jockey for position in the test of strength. NOMAD cracks Sun Spider #1 with a hard forearm shot. Rat Bastard scoops Callum Cornwall up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker.

Little Dragon clamps down on an armbar that keeps Johnny B. Obongo on the mat. Sun Spider #2 pulls Phantam Fairtex’s arms towards their hips, and then presses his shoulder against Fairtex’s chest, trying to wear him down.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen clubs big NOMAD in the face with a forearm smash. NOMAD stumbles back, and Callum Cornwall hits him with a running european uppercut.

Meanwhile, Phantam Fairtex gets his hands back up in the test of strength and starts pushing Sun Spider #2 down by the wrists. Sun Spider #1 hits Rat Bastard on the top of the head with a mongolian chop

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen grabs Sun Spider #1 by the mask and flips him over into a snap mare. Callum Cornwall grabs a sleeper hold on Sun Spider #1.

NOMAD cracks Jason Long in the chest with a knife edge chop, popping the crowd. Sun Spider #2 is bent backwards all the way in Phantam Fairtex’s test of strength. Dirk turns around into an eye rake by Rat Bastard

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon tries to pull Johnny B. Obongo’s arm out of it’s socket with that armbar. Callum Cornwall thrashes a sitting Sun Spider #1 from side to side in the sleeper hold. Meanwhile Jason Long returns fire with a hard knife edge chop to NOMAD!

The Honolulu crowd cheers at the exchange of chops between NOMAD and Jason Long.

Phillip Blauer: Jason Long should do one of those back body bends in slow motion.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m telling you, it’s not that movie. Rat Bastard bulldogs Dirk van Thijmen on his face!

The audience boos Rat Bastard. Sun Spider #2 sees he is losing the test of strength and grabs Phantam Fairtex in a bearhug.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jason Long with another hard chop to NOMAD and he almost falls in the barbed wire!

NOMAD stops himself just in time. Jason Long runs at him to push him into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD catches a charging Jason Long with a big boot that nearly kicks his head off!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a collective “OH!” Sun Spider #2 grips right under Phantam Fairtex’s spine and tries to crush his spine with the bearhug

Guillermo O’Bannon: Callum Cornwall irish whips Little Dragon into the turnbuckles. He runs in, but Little Dragon puts both his knees up into The Salford Squid’s face!

Dirk van Thijmen slugs Cornwall in the stomach a few times in the corner. Phantam Fairtex reverses the bearhug into a side headlock on Sun Spider #2

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen scoops Squid up and bodyslams him but Cornwall grabs his leg and inside cradles him on the way down!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Dirk van Thijmen kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny B. Obongo smashes Sun Spider #1 with some hammer fists on the mat. Phantam Fairtex pops his hips and takes Sun Spider #2 over into a side headlock takedown. Callum Cornwall attempts a suplex, but Jason Long blocks it. He counters with a suplex of his own.

Cornwall sits up from the impact. Little Dragon goes for a knee strike, but Rat Bastard catches his leg and dragon screws him to the mat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen hip tosses Cornwall across the ring! Johnny B. Obongo tries to smash Sun Spider #1’s head into the turnbuckle, but he blocks it with his foot. Sun Spider #1 counters by ramming Obongo’s head into the turnbuckle

Phantam Fairtex grinds that headlock on Sun Spider #2 on the mat. NOMAD snap suplexes Little Dragon

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sun Spider #1 irish whips Little Dragon but he reverses it and shoots #1 into the barbed wire!!

The crowd roars as Sun Spider #1 is impaled on the barbed wire, screaming in pain

Phillip Blauer: There will be blood!

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right, Sun…

Phillip Blauer: This is no country for old men!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Um, sure. Sun Spider #1 is pinned to…

Phillip Blauer: Three men and a baby!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop it, Phil. Little Dragon charges in and hits Sun Spider with a stinger splash that pushes him farther into the barbed wire!!

Sun Spider cries out and then crumples to the mat. Phantam Fairtex whacks Johnny B. Obongo in the ankle with a muay thai kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex hits Obongo in the thigh with another muay thai kick, but Johnny counters with a leg sweep that knocks Fairtex to the mat.

Johnny B. Obongo pulls Sun Spider #1 up by the mask and irish whips him into Dirk van Thijmen

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen bearhug suplexes Sun Spider #1 back into the barbed wire!!

Huge pop from the SimpliFi Arena, and parts of Sun Spider #1’s bodysuit get caught on the barbed wire. Dirk pulls him off and makes the cover

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 9 minutes 15 seconds; Sun Spider #1 Has Been Eliminated by Dirk ‘Glorious Wolf’ van Thijmen!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen and Johnny B. Obongo were both students of Suikerbossie, so they worked in tandem there.

Phillip Blauer: Well, there goes my pick to win the whole thing.

Phil tears up some papers and tosses them in the air

Guillermo O’Bannon: What was that?

Phillip Blauer: (shrugs) I dunno, some of your mail.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny B. Obongo goes for a boxing jab, but Jason Long catches his arm and snaps one of his fingers back!

Obongo drops to his knees, holding his hand. Sun Spider #2 has Rat Bastard in a front facelock

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD picks Johnny B. Obongo by his throat and hits him with a falcon arrow punch. Sun Spider #2, in a fit of rage from his partner getting eliminated, hits Rat Bastard in the back with a forearm smash.

Rat Bastard falls to the mat and Callum Cornwall spins into a discus elbow that catches NOMAD in the chin

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard hits Johnny B. Obongo between the legs from behind with a low blow.

Obongo goes down like a redwood, as the SimpliFi Arena jeers. Phantam Fairtex batters Jason Long with some muay thai punches

Guillermo O’Bannon: Bastard picks Obongo up, but Obongo hits him with a european uppercut. NOMAD gets hit with a leg lariat by Little Dragon but he doesn’t go down!

Sun Spider #2 goes for a DDT on Dirk van Thijmen but Glorious Wolf reverses it into an inverted atomic drop. Callum Cornwall grabs #2 with a northern lights suplex

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Sun Spider #2 gets his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex smacks Jason Long with some knife edge chops.

Dirk van Thijmen takes Callum Cornwall over in a fireman’s carry. NOMAD gets a running start and then takes out Sun Spider #2 with a leg lariat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex pulls Cornwall up and irish whips him into Little Dragon, who belly to belly suplexes him into the barbed wire!!

The Honolulu crowd lets out a loud “OH!” as Cornwall flops to the floor.Rat Bastard grabs Johnny B. Obongo by the hair on the other side of the ring and rams his face into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD scoops Sun Spider #2 up and drops him on his head with a northern lights bomb!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Sun Spider #2 kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard raking Johnny B. Obongo’s face back and forth across that barbed wire, ripping his flesh!!

Johnny B. Obongo drops to his knees, covering his face with his broken finger. Blood leaks through his fingers.

Phantam Fairtex gets a running start

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex somersaults over the barbed wire into a senton that hits The Salford Squid, knocking him into the guardrail!!

The Honolulu fans let out another “OH” at the sound of Cornwall hitting the railing. Fairtex makes the cover by draping the back of his arm on Squid’s body, and outside official Kelly O’Connell crouches over to make the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Calluim Cornwall rolls his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jason Long pops Dirk van Thijmen with a hook kick!

The fans cheer Long. Little Dragon rolls under the barbed wire into the ring. Rat Bastard applies a crippler crossface on Obongo

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Rat Trap!! Rat Bastard locks his hands together under Johnny B. Obongo’s face and peels back on the crossface.

Jason Long double stomps Van Thijmen’s stomach, and The Glorious Wolf sits up from the pain. Richie Richardson asks Johnny if he wants to submit to The Rat Trap but Obongo refuses.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Outside of the ring, Little Dragon runs Callum Cornwall’s shoulder into the ringpost!

Inside the ring, blood leaks down onto the canvas as Rat Bastard cranks back on The Rat Trap. Jason Long pulls Dirk up, but Dirk applies a shoulder claw to the nerves between Long’s neck

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard leans back and pulls Johnny B. Obongo’s head and neck, and he taps out to the Rat Trap!!

Greg Jin: “At 17 minutes 9 seconds; Johnny B. Obongo Has Been Eliminated by Rat Bastard!!”

Phil rips up more paper and throws it over his shoulder

Phillip Blauer: Great! There goes my parlay, looks like I’m never getting out of your living room.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t even wanna know that that w-...

Phillip Blauer: Your kid’s Father’s Day drawing. Doesn’t even look like you. It’s all glasses and beard with a drink in your hand. I think it said “I like when Daddy isn’t sleepy from the drinks and throws football with me.” But way to bury the lead, did you hear me say my parlay is ruined?!? Have a little compassion!

Jason Long is down on one knee while Dirk van Thijmen squeezes his trapezius muscle with a shoulder claw. NOMAD irish whips Sun Spider #2 into the turnbuckles

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD charges into the corner but Sun Spider #2 is waiting for him with a knee to the stomach.

Outside the ring, Little Dragon irish whips a bleeding Callum Cornwall into the security railing. The Hawaiian audiences winces at the sound ringing through the SimpliFi Arena

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard grabs a bent over NOMAD and DDTs his skull into the mat! Outside the ring. Phantam Fairtex lifts Cornwall up onto his shoulder and then drops his back on the steel steps!!

The Honolulu fans scream “OH” at the sound the ring steps make after a 200 pound man lands on it. A busted open Cornwall arches his back in pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jason Long fights his way into a standing position while Dirk van Thijmen continues with the shoulder claw. NOMAD ducks a right hand from Rat Bastard and release german suplexes him into the barbed wire!!

The audience roars as Rat Bastard looks crucified on the barbed wire. On the outside, Fairtex irish whips Cornwall, but he reverses it and shoots Phantam into the guardrail

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall gets a running start and takes Phantam Fairtex into the front row of the crowd with a leg lariat!

The crowd roars, and Kelly O’Connell steps over the railing into the audience to follow Cornwall and Fairtex.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen grabs a hammerlock on Jason Long. He pulls up on Long’s wrist, trying to hyperextend the elbow.

Little Dragon rolls back into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon flips off the top turnbuckle and takes out both Callum Cornwall and Phantam Fairtex out in the audience!!

The Honolulu crowd lets out a monster pop and Little Dragon makes the cover in the second row. Kelly O’Connell slides over to make the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Callum Cornwall kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Back in the ring, Jason Long escapes the chicken wing and does a go behind on Dirk van Thijmen, grabbing him in a full nelson. Out in the crowd, Phantam Fairtex and Callum Cornwall are brawling through the audience!

The fans cheer as Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. and Kelly O’Connell struggle to keep up with Cornwall and Fairtex

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sun Spider #2 wraps Rat Bastard’s arm around the top strand of barbed wire, and pulls on his wrist!

Rat Bastard screams in pain. Jason Long picks Van Thijmen up into a full nelson backbreaker. Outside in the crowd, Phantam Fairtex gets a running start and hits Callum Cornwall with a spear into the railing

Guillermo O’Bannon: Bull Run on Callum Cornwall into the guardrail!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 23 minutes 14 seconds; ‘The Salford Squid’ Callum Cornwall Has Been Eliminated by Phantam Fairtex!!”

Phillip Blauer: And now Manchester is out of it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: A bleeding Rat Bastard staggers out of the barbed wire and Jason Long catches him from behind with a russian leg sweep!

Rat Bastard gets up to his knees. Jason Long tries to kick him, but Bastard catches his leg and dragon screws him to the mat. Phantam Fairtex rolls under the barbed wire back into the ring. Dirk van Thijmen lifts Sun Spider #2 up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen spins Sun Spider #2 around and round in that airplane spin.

Phillip Blauer: Look at him go.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Thijmen finally dumps #2 to the mat.

Phillip Blauer: You shouldn’t really dump #2 in the ring when there are so many matches to go. Just common courtesy.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen goes for a suplex but Sun Spider #2 blocks it. Sun Spider #2 counters with a side suplex.

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Dirk van Thijmen kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon climbs to the top turnbuckle and takes out Sun Spider #2 with a patriot missile! Meanwhile, NOMAD applies a stretch plum on Dirk van Thijmen.

Little Dragon turns around into a running knee strike by Jason Long. Rat Bastard does a neck crank on a sitting Sun Spider #2.

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD pulls back on van Thijmen’s arm, pushing down on his head in the stretch plum.

Phillip Blauer: Meanwhile, we’re about to find out if a rat can pull off a sun spider’s head.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon avoids a switchblade kick and counters with a dragon suplex!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Jason Long rolls his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Richie Richardson asks Dirk van Thijmen if he wants to submit to NOMAD’s stretch plum, but he refuses.

Rat Bastard releases the neck crank but Phantam Fairtex grabs Sun Spider #2 from behind with a million dollar dream

Guillermo O’Bannon: No Deal!! Fairtex pulls back on Sun Spider #2’s wrist while applying pressure to the back of his neck. Meanwhile, Dirk van Thijmen has finally hip tossed his way out of the stretch plum.

Richie Richardson checks in to see if Sun Spider #2 wants to submit, but he isn’t getting any answer. Little Dragon scoops Dirk van Thijmen up on his shoulder

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon running powerslams Dirk van Thijmen into the barbed wire!! Richie Richardson lifts Sun Spider #2’s arm while he’s in Fairtex’s No Deal and it drops!

Greg Jin: “At 29 minutes 35 seconds; Sun Spider #2 Has Been Eliminated by Phantam Fairtex!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s two eliminations by Phantam Fairtex! Dirk van Thijmen gets a running start but a bloody Rat Bastard catches him with a spinebuster!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Little Dragon kicks out!

Phillip Blauer: Just think, if Rat Bastard was Little Dragon’s father instead of Dragon Belt, he’d be Little Bastard.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok. Speaking of which, Little Dragon comes off the top rope with a flying dropkick to NOMAD!

Jason Long superkicks Rat Bastard upside the head. Little Dragon pulls NOMAD up, but NOMAD grabs him around the neck

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD tosses Little Dragon into the barbed wire with an exploder suplex!!

The audience roars as Dragon flops to the mat, covering his face. Dirk van Thijmen climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: A crimson masked Dirk “Glorious Wolf’ van Thijmen takes out both NOMAD and Jason Long with a double clothesline off the top rope!!

The Honolulu audience pops. Rat Bastard pulls Jason Long up into a front facelock and rolls him into a neckbreaker. Dirk van Thijmen goes for a spinning heel kick, but Little Dragon avoids it. Dragon pulls him up by the arm and pulls him into a shortarm clothesline. He hangs onto van Thijmen’s arm and pulls him into a second one

Guillermo O’Bannon: Desolator!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Dirk van Thijmen kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD takes out Rat Bastard with a leg lariat! Dirk van Thijmen ducks a roundhouse kick, and runs Little Dragon into the barbed wire!! He rolls him back into a bridging backroll press!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Little Dragon kicks out!

NOMAD pulls Jason Long up by the arm, but Long pulls him into a ripcord stiff rolling elbow

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phasmophobia! NOMAD stumbles back into a superman punch by Phantam Fairtex!

Jason Long climbs to the top turnbuckle and then jumps off with a leaping corkscrew frog splash

Guillermo O’Bannon: Star Killer!!


…ONE!


…TWO!


…NOMAD kicks out!

Jason Long pulls him up into a front facelock, but NOMAD suddenly straightens up into a pop up death valley driver

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hatred From Death Valley!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Jason Long kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard scoops Jason Long up, takes a few steps, and then powerslams him!


…ONE!


…TWO!


…Jason Long kicks out!

Little Dragon climbs up to the top turnbuckle and waits for NOMAD to turn around. When he does, Dragon jumps off and grabs him with a backstabber

Guillermo O’Bannon: DSD!! But before Little Dragon can get up Dirk van Thijmen grabs him by the legs and lifts him up into his wheelbarrow DDT!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 36 minutes 28 seconds; Little Dragon Has Been Eliminated by Dirk ‘Glorious Wolf’ van Thijmen!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re down to five! Phantam Fairtex pops NOMAD in the eyebrow with a headbutt. Dirk van Thijmen turns Jason Long over into a single leg boston crab.

Dirk plants his feet and pulls back on Long’s leg, trying to hyperextend his knee. Rat Bastard scoops NOMAD up and drops him into a backbreaker

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ratbreaker!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…NOMAD kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie Richardson asks Jason Long if he wants to tap out to Dirk van Thijmen’s single leg boston crab but he refuses. Phantam Fairtex tags Dirk in the side of the head with a knockout kick to break up the half crab!

Jason Long pulls himself up to his feet. He ducks a muay thai kick by Fairtex and responds with a discus right hand knockout punch

Guillermo O’Bannon: God Hand! Rat Bastard grabs Jason Long from behind and rakes his face back and forth over that barbed wire!!

The Honolulu fans boo as Jason Long screams in pain. Dirk van Thijmen climbs to the top turnbuckle behind them

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen crashes down on the back of Rat Bastard’s head with a double ax handle off the top rope!

Phantam Fairtex cracks Jason Long with a muay thai elbow, as blood pours from the lacerations on his forehead

Guillermo O’Bannon: NOMAD tags Dirk van Thijmen in the back of the head with a jumping enzuigiri, and you can tell the exhaustion and blood loss is really setting in here.

Phillip Blauer: I’m exhausted just watching it, and my feet are in a foot bath.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Is…is that my cat’s kitty litter box?

Phillip Blauer: It’s unnatural for cats to poop indoors. I did a great story on it in 2011, entitled “The Danger Lurking In Your Litter Box”. So I dumped it out and repurposed it to be my little home away from home.

Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. pours some fresh hot water into the plastic box

Phillip Blauer: Thank you Lare Bear, you’re a doll. By the way, Gorgonzola, your whole house smells like cat pee lately. You should really invest in some Febreeze.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex scoops Jason Long up, but Long floats over his shoulder onto his feet in an inverted facelock. He lifts Fairtex up into a reverse suplex!

Fairtex holds his chest and kicks his toes into the mat in pain. Rat Bastard scoops NOMAD up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen tosses Fairtex across the ring with a snap butterfly suplex! Jason Long chicken wings NOMAD’s arm and then drops him in a hammerlock DDT! Jason Long holds a disqualification victory over NOMAD from a tournament in Tapout, so these two have some familiarity.

Tong Fairtex gets on top of NOMAD and hammers him with punches. Rat Bastard runs up from behind and grabs Van Thijmen by the hair, bulldogging his bloody face into the canvas

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk leaves a blood stain on the Hardkore Helloween canvas where his face hit it

Phillip Blauer: Great, there goes its resale value. Now I’ll never move out.

Guillermo O’Bannon: (crushed) Please…I can’t…take anymore.

Phillip Blauer: What kind of Thanksgiving spread does your old ball and chain do? Tell her I like my drumstick medium rare. Overcooking your turkey gets rid of all the nutrients. I did a great story in 2015, “Thanksgiving Myths Debunked!”

Rat Bastard hoists NOMAD up onto his shoulder and then drops him on the back of his head with a powerbomb

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Bastard Bomb by Rat Bastard to NOMAD!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 39 minutes 57 seconds; NOMAD Has Been Eliminated by Rat Bastard!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: The first big contender to win it all has fallen, and that’s what you get with Helloween, you just never know who will win the first round.

Jason Long, Dirk van Thijmen, and Phantam Fairtex stop for a moment and notice Rat Bastard. Bastard puts his hands up and asks them to think about it. The fans respond with the biggest pop of the night

Guillermo O’Bannon: The three of them have just realized they all have one common enemy here.

Phillip Blauer: Access to health care.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, no. Rat Bastard. Phantam Fairtex hits him with a muay thai kick. Jason Long hits him with a yakuza kick that knocks him to the mat!

Rat Bastard gets up but walks right into a tornado kick by Dirk van Thijmen. A bleeding Rat Bastard stumbles back up but Jason Long hits him underneath the chin with a thrust kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop Breathing!

Phillip Blauer: Back at ya, buddy. And while we’re dropping the facade of getting along, no one broke in and refilled your trash can with garbage, I just didn’t feel like emptying it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Phil, that’s the name of the move, and I know. Phantam Fairtex pulls Rat Bastard up in a cobra clutch. While he’s got Bastard’s arms up, Dirk van Thijmen hits him into stomach with punch after punch.

Fairtex pushes down on the back of Rat Bastard’s neck, while Richie Richardson checks in to see if Bastard wants to give up. Jason Long climbs up to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: A very bloody Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen backs up and runs at them with a spinning heel kick but Rat Bastard slips out of the cobra clutch and he hits Phantam Fairtex!

The audience boos. Jason Long jumps off the top rope and catches Rat Bastard with a cutter

Guillermo O’Bannon: A modified version of A Stacked Deck!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Rat Bastard kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk irish whips Phantam Fairtex into the corner, but Phantam bounces off the turnbuckles and tattoos van Thijmen with a clothesline from hell!

Jason Long motions for Rat Bastard to get to his feet, and then charges in

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard belly to belly suplexes Jason Long into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena rocks with boos as Jason Long cries out in pain. Blood trickles through his fingers covering his face. Dirk van Thijmen struggles to stand as Phantam Fairtex kips up to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex snap release german suplexes Dirk van Thijmen across the ring!

The opportunistic Rat Bastard runs over and pulls Jason Long’s head into his legs. He flips him up into a crucifix, and then razor’s edges him into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Plague into the barbed wire!!

The jeers are deafening as Jason Long’s arms are entangled into several of the barbs. His face is a mask of pain, and then he sinks to the mat. Rat Bastard wipes some blood out of his eyes and makes the cover

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 45 minutes 40 seconds; Jason Long Has Been Eliminated by Rat Bastard!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard now has three eliminations, and we are down to Phantam Fairtex and Dirk van Thijmen. Phantam Fairtex grabs Rat Bastard from behind with an abdominal stretch.

Dirk van Thijmen bashes Rat Bastard in the face while he’s trapped in the abdominal stretch. Fairtex pulls back on Rat Bastard’s arm, twisting his abdominal muscles. Blood drips down from Rat Bastard’s face to the mat below

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen applies a shoulder claw as well! Richie Richardson asks Rat Bastard if he wants to give up to Phantam Fairtex’s abdominal stretch or Dirk’s shoulder claw but Bastard shakes his head and the match continues.

Rat Bastard plants his feet and hip tosses his way out of Phantam Fairtex’s abdominal stretch. But Dirk is right behind him with a hammerlock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen has Rat Bastard in that chicken wing. Phantam Fairtex hits Bastard in the shoulder and arm with some muay thai elbows.

Van Thijmen pulls up on Bastard’s wrist, trying to hyperextend his elbow. Phantam Fairtex grabs Rat Bastard and flips him over into a jiu jitsu takeover. Dirk van Thijmen wipes some blood away from his eyes so he can climb to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen comes off the top with a flying dropkick that catches Rat Bastard right in the face!

The Hawaiian crowd cheers and Rat Bastard rolls out of the ring to safety. Dirk punches Phantam Fairtex in the stomach

Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Thijmen grabs Phantam in a front facelock and then rolls him into a swinging neckbreaker!

Phantam Fairtex sits up holding the back of his neck. Dirk van Thijmen grabs Fairtex by the legs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen slingshots Phantam Fairtex into the barbed wire!!

The fans cheer as Phantam Fairtex bleeds all down his face and chest from a real gusher the barbed wire produced

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex staggers out of the barbed wire, and gets tagged between the eyes by a flying forearm by Dirk van Thijmen!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Phantam Fairtex kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen pops a bleeding Phantam in the mush with a european uppercut, and then floors him with a swinging elbow. He pulls Fairtex up into a gut wrench suplex.

Both men lie on the mat, bleeding and trying to catch their breath after over 45 minutes of barbed wire fighting

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk gets to his feet first and irish whips him but Phantam reverses it and shoots van Thijmen into the barbed wire!!

The audience erupts! Phantam then follows him into with a stinger splash into the barbed wire! Van Thijmen collapses and Fairtex turns him over into a scorpion deathlock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thai Lock!! Phantam Fairtex sits low, pulling van Thijmen’s legs back towards his head!

Dirk van Thijmen bleeds a pool of blood under his face as he’s bent in half by the Thai Lock.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie Richards asking van Thijmen if he wants to tap out to the Thai Lock but he’s not getting any answers from the Glorious Wolf.

Richie Richardson checks Dirk van Thijmen’s arm and it drops to the mat, so he signals to Greg Jin to make the announcement

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen has passed out from blood loss and exhaustion and can no longer continue!

Greg Jin: “At 51 minutes 45 seconds; Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen Has Been Eliminated by Phantam Fairtex!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Now it’s down to the final two, Phantam Fairtex and Rat Bastard! Fairtex has eliminated Callum Cornwall, Sun Spider #2 and just recently Dirk van Thijmen. Rat Bastard has eliminated Johnny B. Obongo, NOMAD, and Jason Long.

Rat Bastard looks to slide under the barbed wire to sneak up on Phantam Fairtex, but Fairtex drops van Thijmen’s legs and motions for him to try it. Rat Bastard backs up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex is ready for him too!

Phantam Fairtex grinds his hips, getting loud screams from the ladies in the SimpliFI Arena. Rat Bastard kicks the railing in frustration

Phillip Blauer: Richie’s gotta back him up. He’s menacing poor Rat Bastard with those godforsaken sexy hips!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Anything goes in Hardkore Helloween, even hip grinding.

Yolanda Ando: Thank god for that.

Phantam Fairtex slides under the barbed wire to meet Rat Bastard. Bastard tries to punch him but Fairtex ducks

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex back suplexes Rat Bastard on the apron!!

Rat Bastard arches his back in pain as he lies on the apron, blood dripping from his head. Phantam Fairtex dismantles the ring stairs that are attached to the corner post

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard gets to his feet at ringside, but Fairtex runs the steel steps into his head!!

The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Rat Bastard’s head ringing off of the stairs. Phantam Fairtex pulls Bastard up by the hair

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phantam Fairtex runs Bastard’s skull into the ringpost!

Rat Bastard goes down and sprawls out on the floor. Phantam Fairtex grabs a chair from Hardkore Timekeeper Randy Valentine Jr.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex brings that chair crashing down on the skull of Rat Bastard!!

The SimpliFi Arena winces at the chair hitting Bastard in the head. Fairtex rolls Rat Bastard back into the ring and follows behind him. When they both get to their feet, Fairtex smacks him upside the head with a superkick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Back inside the ring, Phantam Fairtex hits Rat with The Big Deal!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Rat Bastard kicks out!

Phantam Fairtex pounds the mat in frustration and then looks up to the top turnbuckle. He brushes some of the blood from his eyes and starts climbing the turnbuckles from inside the ring. But Rat Bastard stirs and creeps up behind Fairtex

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard hits Phantam Fairtex with a low blow from behind!

The air goes out of the SimpliFi Arena, as Phantam Fairtex doubles over, still standing on the second turnbuckle. Bastard grabs him by the arms and flips him over into a blackout

Guillermo O’Bannon: Black Out Drunk!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard has won Hardkore Helloween #1!!

“Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones plays and the SimpliFi Arena rocks with boos as a bleeding Rat Bastard rolls to his side

Greg Jin: “At 56 minutes 34 seconds…THE WINNER OF HARDKORE HELLOWEEN #1…RAT BASTARD!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: He eliminated Phantam Fairtex, Johnny B. Obongo, NOMAD, and Jason Long, tying Andrew Karnage’s record of four eliminations!

Phillip Blauer: Poor guy was even triple teamed for a while.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That is true, but he persevered, and goes on to The Road to Helloween!

Rat Bastard pulls himself up to his feet, and weekly puts one arm in the air, as blood streams down his face onto his hairy chest

Guillermo O’Bannon: He now waits to see who joins him in The Road to Helloween. The winner of Helloween #4 will be his partner, up against the winners of the upcoming Helloween #2 and #3. Stay tuned fans for our next battle royal to see who Rat Bastard and his partner will be facing.

Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. and his team help a grisly looking Rat Bastard to the locker room while the fans jeer him

[Jonnie Valentine]

Fade up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wow, after a Helloween like that, can you believe we have more? But next up is Helloween #2 which will decide who Rat Bastard will be facing in The Road to Helloween match.

“Fat” by Weird Al Yankovic plays and Pork Dirkmeyer walks out

Phillip Blauer: The song is a little on the nose.

Pork moves at a leisurely stroll out of the entranceway eating a 3 foot sub stuffed with pulled pork, bacon, ham, capicola, prosciutto, and fatback. With Mayo

Phillip Blauer: Pork with a little pre-match snack there.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Little? Some of it is touching the ground.

Phillip Blauer: That’s all energy inducing processed meats and trans fats. He’s going to be unstoppable!

Yolanda Ando: Pork Dirkmeyer wears a onesie that is 2 sizes too small that says, "I'm gonna Pork you!" On the back and has an image of a ham sandwich on the front.

Dirkmeyer scarfs it down and rolls under the barbed wire, but it catches him on his back. He cries out in pain

Phillip Blauer: Woops, looks like it caught him a little.

Guillermo O’Bannon: This match hasn’t even started and Pork is already bleeding down his back.

Kelly O’Connell helps Pork to his feet as he struggles to stand, with blood streaming from the lacerations on his back

Phillip Blauer: Dirkmeyer’s gotta keep his head on a swivel in Hawaii, people keep trying to bury him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: People are bad mouthing him to Jonnie?

Phillip Blauer: No, they’re trying to cook him and serve him with poi.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is a Helloween #2, a barbed wire falls count anywhere battle royal. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Your outside official is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Pig, Kentucky; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 495 pounds; The Whole Damn Hog…PORK DIRKMEYER!!!”

The audience cheers

Phillip Blauer: Is there really a Pig, Kentucky? What’s their Museum of Modern Art like?

“Dirty Deeds” by AC/DC plays and the audience boos as “Dirty” Dave Dixon walks out. He lunges at a few jeering fans, and threatens to backhand the kids

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Dirty” Dave Dixon here to try and pull off an upset and become the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.

Phillip Blauer: Could happen.

Dave Dixon scratching his chest and arms as he walks around ringside. A fan holds up a sign that says “Dirty Dave Is Sleeping In My Car Right Now”

Yolanda Ando: “Dirty” Dave Dixon is a wiry, bearded man with unkempt torn t-shirt, slacks, and bare feet.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Dave could be a wildcard in this match as he’s a vicious fighter, and that lends itself well to this kind of match.

Greg Jin: “From Desert Hot Springs, California; Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 185 pounds…’DIRTY’ DAVE DIXON!!!”

The Honolulu fans boo as Dave throws one arm up, and gets upset at their reaction. Pork continues to bleed down his back

“Thunderstruck” by AC/DC plays and Kenezu Fujiwara jogs down to the ring in a white leather jumpsuit

Phillip Blauer: Two AC/DC songs? What is this, a strip club?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kenezu Fujiwara typically tags with his partner Johnny B. Obongo in Storm and Thunder.

Phillip Blauer: I see. And why is he dressed like Elvis?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Not totally sure, but I supposed we’re here in Hawaii, and it could be related to that.

Phillip Blauer: (yells at Fujiwara as he passes by) Can you do “Hunka Hunka Burning Love?” Hey! Hey! I don’t think he heard me.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Pretty sure he did.

Yolanda Ando: Kenezu Fujiwara wears a white leather jumpsuit and white boots.

Greg Jin: “From Cape Town, South Africa; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds…KENEZU FUJIWARA!!!”

The fans cheer for Fujiwara

Phillip Blauer: Wait, Kenezu Fujiwara is from South Africa?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Yeah, why?

Phillip Blauer: (puts his hands up) No reason.

“No Rain” by Blind Melon plays. A video on the jumbotron shows an alligator in a cage, struggling to break free. The alligator's struggles intensify, its movements becoming more frantic. Just as the song kicks into full gear, the cage shatters, and the alligator escapes, roaring into the night. The Hawaiian crowd erupts in cheers as Dana “The Drone” Daniels emerges from the mist, dressed as one half as Slinky the Dog

Phillip Blauer: Why is he dressed as a dog's ass? Well, more than usual? 

Guillermo O’Bannon: Every year Dana dresses in a couples costume, hoping his ex-wife will come back. (starts showing Phil some pictures) Here he is last year as Ken, here he is the year before that as peanut butter, and here he is the year before that as salt.

Phillip Blauer: I don’t want to cry during a wrestling show, so I’m going to stop looking at these.

Dana high fives fans and shakes up his thermos full of bees. A scrolling graphic on the broadcast displays the phone number and URL for the Florida Man Legal Defense Fund. The crowd's cheers intensify as they donate to the cause.

Phillip Blauer: That’s a smart little doohickey for when you need bees on the go.

Guillermo O’Bannon: When would that be?

Phillip Blauer: Oh, you know. Boss comes in on Friday afternoon, starts to ask you to work this weekend when suddenly there are bees all over your office.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Is that why I had to work this weekend?

Phil starts nervously fumbling for his thermos of bees. On the screen is a text scroll at the bottom of the screen asking Dana Daniels’ ex wife Jodie to forgive him and providing a phone number he can be reached at

Guillermo O’Bannon: The uncle of Greg “The Great” Daniels, Dana Daniels recently joined The Fabulous Free Gators in an attempt to raise money for Florida Man’s defense at his murder trial.

Phillip Blauer: Just a slap in the face to the hard working men and women of the police department who worked diligently on this case. Especially Detective Morales who enjoys that box of cigars I bought him. And Detective Johnson, whose children are enrolled in the top parochial school in town thanks to me.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Can I get a few bucks for some milk you drank and then left the rest of it on the top of the fridge all day?

Phillip Blauer: Hmm? Oh, um…inflation…corporate greed…uh…gas prices…ya know.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Dana Daniels was in Hawaii was September of 2023 when he, Little Dragon, and “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall lost to TEMERARIO, Drake Manson, Hayley Grimes in Maui.

Greg Jin: “From Palm Springs, California; Standing 6 feet; Weighing 185 pounds…DANA ‘THE DRONE’ DANIELS!!!”

The Honolulu fans cheer. Pork Dirkmeyer’s back is dripping blood on the canvas

“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and Harvey van Houten walks out to a loud ovation waving to the Hawaiian fans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten has some experience in Hardkore Helloween. His last time was in 2009 in Cleveland, where he lasted 22 minutes before being eliminated by Antonio Costa.

Phillip Blauer: Bob Costas’ estranged brother.

Guillermo O’Bannon: No. Van Houten and Leonard van Dam recently defeated Dana Daniels, Deacon Oldham, and Callum Cornwall in a handicap match in San Francisco. Harvey is wary of the barbed wire, as when he lived in South Africa, they used it in prisons and zoos.

Phillip Blauer: Hey, just like us!

Yolanda Ando: Harvey van Houten wears overalls with open shirts underneath with black boots. Underneath, he wears brief trunks with the Dutch flag on the butt.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey knows there are no friends, only foes in Helloween, he’s wary of The Sheik and Kilroy Evans, who are made for this kind of match.

Greg Jin: “Originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in Cape Town, South Africa; Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds…HARVEY VAN HOUTEN!!!”

Big pop from the Honolulu crowd

"Jonny Sniper" by Enter Shikari plays and Johnny Sniper comes out dressed in fatigues to the cheers of the Honolulu audience

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here comes the prized pupil of former WWF World Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Slaughter, the former AWF United States Champion Johnny Sniper.

Phillip Blauer: As a three time Desert News Hawk Award Winner, I think it behooves me to look into whether or not this is another case of stolen valor. I could use another video of me ripping medals off a guy at the mall.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Nope, Johnny Sniper is a real marine.

Phillip Blauer: Fiddlesticks.

Greg Jin: “From Parris Island, South Carolina; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 217 pounds…JOHNNY SNIPER!!!”

The SimpliFI Arena lets out a loud pop

The SimpliFi Arena goes dark as the beat to "Got it on Me" by Pop Smoke interrupts the darkness

"Look

Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul

Don't let my heart turn cold

Have mercy on me, have mercy on my soul

Don't let my heart turn cold

Have mercy on many men

Many, many, many, many men

Wish death 'pon me

Yeah, I don't cry no mo'

I don't look to the sky no mo'

'Cause I got it on me"

A spotlight shines on Doc Holiday as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp, hood up on his black AW wrestling sweatshirt. His head slowly bobs to the music as he walks to the ring looking very focused on the task at hand

Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday defeated Syrus Wilder in San Francisco capping off a nice run here in Hardkore World where he has beaten The Martian in Laughlin, “The Salford Squid” Callum Cornwall in Manchester and Pork Dirkmeyer in Sheffield.

Fans reach out to touch Holiday. He obliges and slap hands with a few of them as he walks to the ring. A fan holds up a sign that says “What’s Up Doc?”

Phillip Blauer: But he still has to ingratiate himself to the boys in the locker room like I have.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Everyone pretty much hates you.

Phillip Blauer: I doubt that’s true.

Yolanda Ando: No, it’s true.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That time you used the restroom in the locker room, Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. had a major situation.

Yolanda Ando: Didn’t someone release a snake in the bathroom?

Phillip Blauer: But…but I thought that was a welcoming snake?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think there are welcoming snakes, Phil.

Phillip Blauer: News to me.

Doc Holiday stops short of the ring apron, pausing for a moment before he slides under the barbed wire. Doc stands on the second turnbuckle where he embraces the cheers from the Hawaiian crowd with a sly smirk and his arms out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday looking to vault up the card here on the West Coast where he can face Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan.

Green pyro's go off behind him as he lifts his arms, shooting from left to right and then right to left

Greg Jin: “From Oakland, California; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds…DOC HOLIDAY!!!”

The SimpliFi Arena roars as Doc Holiday raises his arms

“Seasons in the Abyss'” by Stone Sour plays and the audience boos. Malcolm Xavier Graves leads The Sheik down to the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: This will be The Sheik’s third Helloween. In 2022, in Boston, he lasted an hour and four minutes. He eliminated Kira Izumi before being the last man eliminated by the winner, “The High Roller” Wesley Crane. In 2023, also in Boston, he won his Helloween battle royal, eliminating “El Exotico” Joey Little Horse, Simon Cruise, and Florida Man. In The Road ro Helloween match, Sheik and El Rey lost to Kilroy Evans and “The Punisher” Dan Stein.

Phillip Blauer: The Sheik and Hardkore Helloween go together like peanut butter and jelly. Like bread and butter. Like Gilman’s brat and hogging up the TV.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil. She is four, and you need to learn to share.

Phillip Blauer: It’s not fair. I wanted to watch Meet the Press. I got all my chores done, I brushed my teeth, but she got to watch Bluey.

Guillermo O’Bannon: First, Larry did your chores…

Phillip Blauer: You always take her side!

The Sheik cocks his fist at a fan who gets close to Malcolm Xavier Graves and Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. gets in between them

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik is always a favorite in this style of match. But now Malcolm Xavier Graves promises that something is coming that will allow Sheik to become the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.

Sheik slides under the barbed wire and lunges at Pork Dirkmeyer and Dave Dixon, who flinch backwards

Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter in Arabia, Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Man from Rub' al Khali…THE SHEIK!!!”

"Old Man" by Masta Killa ft. ODB & RZA plays and the audience leaps to their feet with the loudest pop of the night so far. Kilroy Evans walks out to the ring dressed as Bob from Bob’s Burgers at a relaxed pace

Phillip Blauer: Oh, Guillermo, your Dad is here to pick you up.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s Kilroy Evans and will you listen to that ovation?

Phillip Blauer: You’d think Don Ho or Dog the Bounty Hunter had just walked in.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, did you mess with his entrance again?

Phillip Blauer: No. No, that's all him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: ...huh.

Phillip Blauer: Something about him now makes me not trust him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He shaved his beard and now he just has a mustache.

Phillip Blauer: No he…oh yeah.

Kilroy Evans introduces himself to a few of the fans and has a laugh with them. He points to a sign that says “My Boy Kilroy!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Last year, Kilroy won his Helloween battle royal, eliminating the late Steve Awesome. He went on to the Road to Helloween, where he and “The Punisher” Dan Stein defeated The Sheik and El Rey. Then he defeated Stein to win the 2023 Hardkore Helloween Cup, and he used that title shot to defeat Cross Recoba for both the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and the X Crown Championship.

Phillip Blauer: The luckiest break of lucky breaks.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He has done this before in 2008, when he won his Helloween battle royal eliminating Roah Shiro, Jamie Romino, and Tony Damico.

Phillip Blauer: Skateboarding Tony, I remember him. I bet he still wears shorts everywhere, but dressier shorts. Like the kind you get buried in.

Guillermo O’Bannon: In the Road to Helloween, he and Phoenix lost to Stein and Teddie.

Phillip Blauer: Teddie and Eddie were Lucifer Jones Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Guillermo O’Bannon: At Hardkore Helloween 2005, he lasted 35 minutes, eliminating the late Kota, before being eliminated by the winner and his frequent tag team partner, Andrew Karnage.

Yolanda Ando: Kilroy wears an orange It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown t-shirt with sneakers and jeans.

Phillip Blauer: Yes, before the days of 24 hour streaming, channels completely dedicated to children’s programming, and even Japanese cartoons about teenage girls for middle aged men, children had one or two cartoons a year they could see. So they had to look past the subliminal biblical references and pretend Charlie Brown was funny. He was not.

Kilroy slides under the barbed wire and smiles at Van Houten, Sniper, Holiday, Sheik, Dixon, and Fujiwara barely blinking as he stares at them

Guillermo O’Bannon: I bet one of the reasons Kilroy Evans wants to win this Helloween is to get a chance to get his hands on Captain Righteous in The Road to Helloween for costing him the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in San Francisco. He’s also hoping to win the Helloween Cup and become the second person since Hans Schmutzhausen won the first two Helloweens to do it twice.

Phillip Blauer: Why don’t people talk about old Hans more? The guy made history.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, that’s ok, we don’t have to talk about Hans, he doesn’t really work with today’s…

Phillip Blauer: I can’t imagine why? He treated me just fine, and that’s how I judge people Googoo, by how they treat others.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He was a nazi, Phil.

Phillip Blauer: Well, sure but like the goofy ones from Hogan’s Heroes. The kind that get comically angry and stomp their heels until their monocle falls off.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy calls this a palette cleanser and wants to forget the unpleasantness that is feuding with Phil.

Phillip Blauer: Hey! I’m fun to feud with. Ask my neighbor Jim.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jim is my neighbor, and why are you feuding with him?

Phillip Blauer: That snob keeps calling the HOA when I get some sun on my bare buns.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I told you to stop doing that in my front yard!

Phillip Blauer: And you told me to stop doing it in your backyard! (stands up, and pulls down his pants, turning around) Look at how sun starved these biscuits are now! Look at them!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! (averts his eyes)

Phillip Blauer: Open your eyes and look at what you’ve done, you monster!!!

Greg Jin: “From Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds…KILROY EVANS!!!”

The Honolulu fans roar loudly as Evans paces

Faith No More & Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E.’s “Another Body Murdered” plays and Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr., Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. wheel out a dolly with a giant wooden crate on it

Guillermo O’Bannon: What is this?

Phillip Blauer: Ah, that must be my package from Amazon. I used your wife’s card to treat myself to a red light facemask. Not sure why it came in a human sized box, though? Those instructions must be huge!

The Valentines get busy unhooking the cables securing the box to the dolly. They then leave the box and the lights go out. A red spotlight hits the box

Guillermo O’Bannon: There was a mystery entrant in this Helloween. I wonder if that has something to do with this box?

Phillip Blauer: Are you saying the mystery person has my red light facemask?? Why that’s…that’s…what’s the thing I did with your wife’s card?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Theft? Fraud? Larceny?

Phillip Blauer: You’re darn tootin!

From inside the box, a chainsaw pierces through the wood

Phillip Blauer: Gadzooks!!

Guillermo O’Bannon: What in the…

Phillip Blauer: He can keep the mask!

The chainsaw cuts a hole big enough, and then a near 400 pound man in a black headdress, and black baggy pants violently breaks through the hole in the box

Guillermo O’Bannon: My word!

Phillip Blauer: Who is that??

Guillermo O’Bannon: I have no idea.

Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out from behind the curtain and presents him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm warned us that this was coming. Where did Malcolm Xavier Graves find this monster??

Phillip Blauer: You gotta hand it to this guy. No hanging around the indies looking for a meal ticket for this guy. He is all The Empty Quarter, The Shadowlands, and the Forbidden Zone.

The wild eyed man wanders to the ring, terrifying children and adults alike whenever he gets near them. MXG waves the people away for their own safety

Phillip Blauer: Look at the size of him! He’s winning.

Guillermo O’Bannon: We have no way to tell that, but I agree a guy as big as this is hard to prepare for.

Phillip Blauer: And they haven’t prepared for him at all!

Yolanda Ando: Whoever he is, he’s wearing a black headdress, black baggy pants, and boots.

Greg Jin: “Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves; From Khartoum, Republic of Sudan; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 365 pounds…ABIAS THE SUDANESE BUTCHER!!!”

The Hawaiian fans boo but as soon as Abias slides under the barbed wire, he attacks Kilroy Evans

Phillip Blauer: I like this guy already!

---

Helloween #2

Kilroy Evans

The Sheik

Doc Holiday

Abias the Sudanese Butcher

Johnny Sniper

Harvey van Houten

Dana “The Drone” Daniels

Kenezu Fujiwara

“Dirty” Dave Dixon

Pork Dirkmeyer

---

Guillermo O’Bannon: And here we go! Abias punching Kilroy over and over! Kilroy tries to fight back, but The Sheik grabs him from behind! Now the two of them are double teaming Evans!

Phillip Blauer: This almost makes living in your rathole worth it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Feel free to leave whenever you like.

Phillip Blauer: Just wait until my red light facemask arrives and I don’t let you use it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny Sniper takes “Dirty” Dave Dixon over into a snapmare. Harvey van Houten is popping Pork Dirkmeyer with left jabs. Dana “The Drone” Daniels rakes his fingernails across Pork’s bleeding back!!

Phillip Blauer: That’s gotta sting. Get it? Because he’s a bee person.

Pork shrieks in pain. Doc Holiday arm drags Johnny Sniper. Kenezu Fujiwara hits Kilroy Evans with some snapping punches

GuJoillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik punches Kilroy, backing him into the corner. Kilroy Evans drop toeholds Sheik face first into the second turnbuckle! Abias the Sudanese Butcher tries to move in on him, but Evans grabs both his arms, and then headbutts him over and over.

The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second turnbuckle and jumps backwards into an elbow smash to the back of Kilroy’s head. Doc Holiday takes Dave Dixon over into a fireman’s carry

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher hits Kilroy in the throat with an uppercut chop. Holiday irish whips Pork into Johnny Sniper who gives him a flying forearm!

Pork Dirkmeyer doesn’t go down. Harvey van Houten cracks him in the jaw with a right hook and he falls to the mat. Dana Daniels hits Kenezu Fujiwara on the top of the head with a mongolian chop

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fujiwara fires back on Daniels with a european uppercut. “Dirty” Dave Dixon has now taken over on Doc Holiday, fish hooking Doc’s mouth with his filthy fingers.

Phillip Blauer: Why that is dirt under his fingernails from good old fashioned hard work and determination…and probably some cat food.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans flips The Sheik with a snap mare, but Abias the Sudanese Butcher kicks Evans in the side of the head. Doc Holiday twists Dixon’s arm, and then hook kicks him to the mat.

Johnny Sniper applies a dragon sleeper to Pork Dirkmeyer. Dana Daniels hits the 365 pound Abias the Sudanese Butcher with a shoulder block, but Abias just looks at him with crazy eyes

Phillip Blauer: I think hiding in a beehive would be safer than what Dana just did there.

Abias starts chasing Dana Daniels around the ring until Dana slides under the barbed wire to the floor to escape. Johnny Sniper locks his hands and peels back on Dirkmeyer’s head and neck in the dragon sleeper

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik drops a leg drop across Kilroy’s face and makes the cover!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Dirty” Dave Dixon now strangling Harvey van Houten!

Phillip Blauer: That’s for giving him those confusing thoughts!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Kelly O’Connell asks Pork Dirkmeyer if he wants to submit to Johnny Sniper’s dragon sleeper but he refuses. Kenezu Fujiwara saves the day for Van Houten by sweeping Dave’s feet out from under him.

Abias the Sudanese Butcher slides under the barbed wire to chase after a terrified Dana Daniels. Inside the ring, Harvey van Houten scoops Dave Dixon up and bodyslams him

Phillip Blauer: Run Dana, run!

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls Kilroy Evans up into a front facelock, and then drives his head into the mat with a DDT! Outside of the ring, Abias the Sudanese Butcher has finally caught up to the middle aged Dana Daniels and stabs him in the face with a fork!!

Phillip Blauer: Ugh, the blood! It’s getting all over his dog's ass costume!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias punctures Daniels’ forehead a few more times with the fork! Inside the ring, Johnny Sniper tags Pork Dirkmeyer in the side of the head with a shining wizard kick!

The audience lets out a collective “OH!” and Pork goes down. Harvey van Houten grabs pulls Dirkmeyer up and applies his sleeper hold

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lights Out! Harvey van Houten thrashes Pork Dirkmeyer from side to side in that Lights Out sleeper hold. The Sheik irish whips Kilroy into the turnbuckles. He charges into the corner, but Kilroy takes him out with a roundhouse kick!

Kenezu Fujiwara twirls around and smacks Johnny Sniper with a spinning back fist. Pork Dirkmeyer goes down to his knees as Harvey van Houten squeezes the Lights Out sleeper

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips The Sheik into the barbed wire but he dives over the wire onto Dana Daniels on the floor!!

The fans boo and outside official Tommy Milligan runs over to make the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Dana Daniels kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, referee Kelly O’Connell tests Pork’s arm and it falls, and he is out!

Greg Jin: “At 8 minutes 15 seconds; Pork Dirkmeyer has been eliminated by Harvey van Houten!”

Phillip Blauer: After his entrance, it was all downhill for old Pork. At least he has that sandwich waiting for him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Dirty” Dave Dixon headlocks Kilroy Evans.

Kenezu Fujiwara slides under the barbed wire out onto the apron. He climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Dixon slams his thumb into Kilroy Evans’ throat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kenezu Fujiwara backflips into a moonsault that takes out Sheik, and Abias the Sudanese Butcher on the floor!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…The Sheik kicks out!

Dana Daniels irish whips Abias the Sudanese Butcher into the railing. Inside the ring, Harvey van Houten punches Dave Dixon, knocking him to the mat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dana “The Drone” Daniels gets a running start and hits Abias the Sudanese Butcher with a hip attack against the railing! Inside the ring, Harvey van Houten slingshots Dixon by the legs into the barbed wire!!

The audience cheers. “Dirty” Dave Dixon gets tangled up in the barbed wire as he tries to free himself

Phillip Blauer: Dirty Dave doesn’t mind a little barbed wire, I’m sure it’s probably made him better looking.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not so sure about that. Johnny Sniper grabs Doc Holiday by the head and drops down into a single knee facebuster! Meanwhile on the outside, unbeknownst to Dana Daniels, Abias the Sudanese Butcher has pulled out a fork! He stabs Daniels in the forehead with it!!

The Honolulu fans jeer. Johnny Sniper pulls Doc Holiday up, but Holiday rakes his eyes with his fingernails

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik smashes a now bleeding Dana Daniels’ head into the railing! Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans gut wrench suplexes an also bleeding “Dirty” Dave Dixon.

Abias the Sudanese Butcher jabs Dana Daniels’ cut with the fork again. Johnny Sniper pulls Doc Holiday’s arm back and hits him in the chest with a heart punch

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik tries to get back into the ring, but Harvey van Houten hits him with a baseball slide kick that knocks him into the railing!

Doc Holiday backs Johnny Sniper off with a right jab, a left cross, and a right hook. A bleeding Dana Daniels lifts Sheik up into a fireman’s carry, and then starts spinning him round and round on the floor

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher gives Daniels an uppercut chop to the throat, and Sheik lands on his feet behind him. Sheik DDTs Dana Daniels on the floor!!

Kenezu Fujiwara climbs up to the top turnbuckle as the audience buzzes with anticipation

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kenezu Fujiwara with a somersault senton onto The Sheik and Abias the Sudanese Butcher!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Abias the Sudanese Butcher kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Harvey van Houten scoops Kilroy Evans up and drops him on his knee with a backbreaker.

A blood soaked “Dirty” Dave Dixon climbs up to the second turnbuckle and then hops off with a knee drop onto Kilroy Evans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirty Deeds!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher slides back under the barbed wire back into the ring. “Dirty” Dave Dixon goes for an earthquake splash but Kilroy Evans rolls out of the way, Kilroy Evans applies a cobra clutch on “Dirty” Dave Dixon

Guillermo O’Bannon: Watch Out For Snakes!! Evans pulls back on Dixon’s wrist, while applying pressure to the back of his neck. Abias the Sudanese Butcher hits Harvey van Houten in the stomach with a low roundhouse kick.

Dana Daniels applies a nerve hold on The Sheik on the floor. Kenezu Fujiwara rolls back into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Dave Dixon wants to submit to Watch Out For Snakes but she doesn’t get an answer. Kenezu Fujiwara irish whips Johnny Sniper into the barbed wire!!

The crowd cheers as Johnny Sniper screams in pain, impaled on the barbed wire. Kenezu Fujiwara runs in and clotheslines Sniper in farther

Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, Kelly O’Connell tests Dave Dixon’s arm while he’s in Kilroy Evans Watch Out For Snakes and it falls! She signals for the bell!

Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes 44 seconds, ‘Dirty’ Dave Dixon has been eliminated by Kilroy Evans!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kenezu Fujiwara climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits Abias the Sudanese Butcher with a missile dropkick!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher rolls under the barbed wire out of the ring. Kilroy Evans grabs Johnny Sniper from behind with a crossface chicken wing.

Guillermo O’Bannon: A horribly bloody Dana Daniels irish whips Abias the Sudanese Butcher into the cornerpost!

Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans clamps down on Johnny Sniper’s throat while pulling up on his hammerlocked arm. Harvey van Houten kicks Doc Holiday in the stomach. At ringside, Dana Daniels gets a running start and jumps up into a stinger splash but Abias moves out of the way and Daniels hits the ringpost

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dana Daniels went for Jodie Give Dana Another Chance, but Abias the Sudanese Butcher moves out of the way and The Drone hits nothing but corner post!

Phillip Blauer: Looks like Abias and Jodie are both better off.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Back in the ring, Kelly O’Connell asks Johnny Sniper if he wants to give up to Kilroy Evans’ crossface chicken wing but he says no. On the apron, The Sheilk hops onto the middle of the top rope and jumps back into a springboard back elbow on Dana Daniels!!

Doc Holiday dropkicks Harvey van Houten. Johnny Sniper finally back pedals until Kilroy’s back hits the barbed wire to break out of the chicken wing crossface

Phillip Blauer: At least he can’t wear that shirt anymore. Who am I kidding, he still has t-shirts with discontinued dipping sauces on it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny Sniper pulls him out of the barbed wire with a spinebuster!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

On the floor, Abias the Sudanese Butcher gets a running start and stabs Dana Daniels in the forehead with his fork

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher scoops a sickeningly grisly Dana Daniels up on his shoulder and runs his skull into the corner post!!

Phillip Blauer: Maybe he’s hoping his ex-wife will come back for a blood transfusion?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Kenezu Fujiwara hits Doc Holiday with a spinning roundhouse kick!

The Sheik and Abias the Sudanese Butcher begin walking towards Dana Daniels. Daniels grabs his thermos and yells “Stay back! I’ll do it!”

Phillip Blauer: I’d listen, boys. He’s got nothing left to lose. He sleeps in a storage unit and tries to have phone sex with the lady who answers the phone at the bowling alley.

Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s weird because he’s there every day.

Phillip Blauer: It’s the only place that has bowling shoes for irregular feet.

Dana Daniels opens his thermos and the fans scream as hundreds of bees fly out

Phillip Blauer: Good gravy, the crazy cuckold has bumblebee’d us!

Guillermo O’Bannon: The bees are flying all over the place and…Abias the Sudanese Butcher is catching them with his bare hands…and he’s eating them?!?

Phillip Blauer: That’s got to taste amazing, they’re filled with honey!

Guillermo O’Bannon: They make honey, they’re not made of honey, Phil.

Phillip Blauer: And how do you think they make the honey? They poop it out.

Guillermo O’Bannon: (ducks a bee coming at his face) Harvey van Houten is now on the apron, and he jumps off, catching The Sheik with a high cross body!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…The Sheik kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Johnny Sniper is raining punches down on Kenezu Fujiwara in the corner!

The SimpliFi Arena counts the punches along with Sniper, while Sniper says the pledge of allegiance, when he gets to “For All” part he knee strikes Fujiwara in the face

Phillip Blauer: Poor dolt thinks he’s in America.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He is…we are. Phil, you know Hawaii is an American state, right?

Phillip Blauer: Then why did I have to show that guy my passport?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, you didn’t. He looked tired and just waved you through. Kenezu Fujiwara staggers out of the corner, and Doc Holiday nails him between the eyes with a pele kick!

The fans cheer. Abias the Sudanese Butcher stabs Dana Daniels with a fork and knocks him to the floor. The Sheik irish whips Harvey van Houten into the railing

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik takes Harvey van Houten into the front row of the audience with a heel kick! Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans launches a bleeding Johnny Sniper with a full nelson suplex!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher takes a few steps and drops a 365 pound elbow drop on Dana Daniels on the concrete

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sudanese Cleaver on Dana Daniels on the floor!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 23 minutes 41 seconds, ‘The Drone’ Dana Daniels has been eliminated by Arias the Sudanese Butcher!!”

Phillip Blauer: (slaps the back of his neck) Who’s gonna wrangle all these bees?!?

Guillermo O’Bannon: (waves some bees away) Doc Holiday catches a bleeding Kilroy Evans with a snap DDT! Meanwhile, out in the audience, The Sheik tosses a chair at Harvey van Houten!!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a collective “OH!!” at the sound of the chair ringing off of Harvey van Houten’s head. Tommy Milligan climbs over the security rail to officiate the fight between Sheik and Van Houten

Guillermo O’Bannon: Back in the ring, Johnny Sniper grabs Kilroy in a dragon sleeper! Kenezu Fujiwara catches Holiday from behind with a russian leg sweep!

Out in the crowd, The Sheik pulls Harvey van Houten up by the hair, but Van Houten thumbs him in the eye. Inside the ring, Sniper peels back on Kilroy Evans’ head and neck in that dragon sleeper

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher shows up behind Harvey van Houten out in the fourth row, and he bearhugs the Dutchman!

Back in the ring, Kenezu Fujiwara climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Doc Holiday rakes his eyes, and crotches him on the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell asks Kilroy if he wants to tap out to Johnny Sniper’s dragon sleeper but he refuses to give up. Doc Holiday climbs to the second turnbuckle, but Kenezu european uppercuts him. Fujiwara goes over the top with a sunset flip tigerbomb!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Doc Holiday claps his legs together on Fujiwara’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: In the audience, Abias continues to bearhug Harvey van Houten.

Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans reaches up and rakes Johnny Sniper’s eyes to escape the dragon sleeper

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kenezu Fujiwara moves in on Holiday, but Doc drop toe holds him facefirst into the barbed wire!!

The crowd roars as Kenezu covers his face. Blood leaks out through his fingers. In the fifth row, Tommy Milligan checks in but Harvey van Houten refuses to submit to Abias the Sudanese Butcher’s bearhug

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans scoops Johnny Sniper up and gives him a shoulderbreaker. Out in the crowd, The Sheik running slingblades Harvey van Houten out of Abias the Sudanese Butcher’s bearhug in a hart attack!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Harvey van Houten kicks out!

Kilroy irish whips Kenezu Fujiwara into the corner, but Fujiwara runs up the turnbuckles and hops back into an inverted huracanrana

Guillermo O’Bannon: A modified version of Kenezu’s Fujiwara’s Tortilla Plancha on Kilroy Evans!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Kenezu Fujiwara is on his hands and knees, with blood dripping like a faucet onto the Hardkore Helloween canvas

Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday gets Kenezu Fujiwara before he can get up with a punt kick!

The Honolulu fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Holiday’s boot hitting Fujiwara’s skull. The blood splatters onto Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr’s lens

Phillip Blauer: Might want to wipe that off there, Jackie. Kinda gross.

A busted open Johnny Sniper motions for Kilroy Evans to get to his feet and then tattoos him with a superkick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Killshot by Johnny Sniper!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out! .

The Sheik slides under the barbed wire back into the ring and applies a camel clutch on Kenezu Fujiwara

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik applies The Last Crusade on Kenezu Fujiwara!! The Sheik locks his hands underneath Fujiwara’s chin, and leans back on his head and neck.

Out on the floor, Harvey van Houten hits Abias the Sudanese Butcher with a spinning back kick that knocks him into a bunch of chairs. Inside the ring, Johnny Sniper climbs to the top turnbuckle, and he salutes the fans who cheer him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny Sniper jumps off the top with a diving headbutt, but Kilroy Evans rolls out of the way!!

Blood drips down Kenezu’s face as he screams refusals to submit to The Last Crusade by The Sheik to Kelly O’Connell

Guillermo O’Bannon: In the audience, Abias the Sudanese Butcher judo throws Harvey van Houten into some empty seats!

Phillip Blauer: Jonnie needs to do better promotion, empty seats like that at one of our major pay per views is just inexcusable.

Guillermo O’Bannon: People were in the seats, Phil it’s just that now…wait, back in the ring, Kenezu Fujiwara taps out to The Sheik’s Last Crusade!!

Greg Jin: “At 33 minutes 41 seconds, Kenezu Fujiwara has been eliminated by The Sheik!!”


Phillip Blauer: Now we’re down to seven.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Six.

Phillip Blauer: Six.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans with a double underhook DDT, driving Johnny Sniper’s bloody skull into the mat!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher slides back into the ring under the barbed wire. He pulls Doc Holiday up and lands a hard headbutt

Guillermo O’Bannon: As Kilroy gets up, The Sheik grabs him by the hair and sits out into a facebuster!

Harvey van Houten slides under the barbed wire, and hits Arias the Sudanese Butcher with a double chest chop. A bloody Johnny Sniper ducks a back kick and grabs Doc Holiday from behind in a rear waistlock. Sniper german suplexes him up into a uranage

Guillermo O’Bannon: Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Doc Holiday kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a suplex but Kilroy blocks it. Evans counters with a brainbuster! Harvey tries to irish whip Sniper, but he reverses it and shoots Van Houten into the barbed wire!!

The Hawaiian fans cheer. Harvey shrieks from the agony of the barbed wire piercing his flesh as he sinks to the mat. Arias the Sudanese Butcher pops Kilroy Evans with a few right hands.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Doc Holiday grabs The Sheik and turns him over into a single leg boston crab.

Johnny Sniper wipes some blood out of his eyes. He gets a running start and shotgun dropkicks Harvey van Houten even deeper into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Johnny Sniper with the Lock and Load that drives Harvey van Houten into that barbed wire!!

The audience is loud and rowdy. Kilroy Evans grabs both of Arias the Sudanese Butcher’s arms, and batters him in the face with headbutts. Holiday gets his feet planted and cranks back on The Sheik’s leg in the half crab, trying to hyperextend the knee.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell asks The Sheik if he wants to submit to the single leg boston crab but he curses back at her.

Phillip Blauer: Hey look, you officiate a barbed wire battle royal, there’s gonna be some potty mouths.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher chops Doc Holiday in the throat to break up his half crab.

A bleeding Havey van Houten plucks himself out of the barbed wire. He gets to his feet and measures an exhausted and blood drained Johnny Sniper

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten levels Johnny Sniper with a KO punch!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 38 minutes 49 seconds, Johnny Sniper has been eliminated by Harvey van Houten!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten now has two eliminations, but now Abias the Sudanese Butcher irish whips Doc Holiday into the barbed wire!!

Doc Holiday bellows in agony as the barbs are stuck in his chest, shoulder, and eyebrow

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher runs with a full head of steam and his 365 pounds to avalanche Doc Holiday back into the barbed wire!!

The Honolulu fans boo. The Sheik steps up to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik comes down with a flying leg drop across Doc Holiday’s bloody face!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Doc Holiday kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Harvey van Houten up into a powerbomb, but Harvey spins around on his shoulders and then tumbles forward into a victory roll!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten tries to kick him, but Kilroy grabs his leg and dragon screws him to the mat. The Sheik pulls Doc Holiday up into a front facelock, but Holiday blocks the DDT and back drops him!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher begins biting Kilroy Evans’ cut, tearing his cut open wider. Doc Holiday climbs to the top turnbuckle and does the “making it rain” gesture. He then somersaults into a senton on Sheik

Guillermo O’Bannon: Paper Chase!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…The Sheik kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans heart punches Abias the Sudanese Butcher. Sheik blocks a suplex attempt, and counters with a michinoku driver II on Doc Holiday!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Doc Holiday kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten hits Abias the Sudanese Butcher with a low kick to the thigh. He runs at Evans but Kilroy catches him with a belly to belly suplex that sends him into the barbed wire!!

The crowd roars as Harvey van Houten flops like a fish out of water on the mat. Abias the Sudanese Butcher walks over and jams his fork into the cut over Doc Holiday’s eye, making him scream

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik butterflies Holiday’s arms and then drives his head into the mat with a double underhook DDT!

The Sheik holds Doc Holiday’s feet as Abias the Sudanese Butcher climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Abias sits out with a 365 pound bonzai splash to Holiday’s chest

Guillermo O’Bannon: Khartoum Hammer!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 43 minutes 12 seconds, Doc Holiday has been eliminated by Abias the Sudanese Butcher!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s two eliminations for Abias the Sudanese Butcher with some help from The Sheik.

Phillip Blauer: And now we’re down to six.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Four.

Phillip Blauer: (starts counting men in the ring, shakes his head, and recounts)

Kilroy runs and jumps on Abias the Sudanese Butcher’s back, pitching him into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Piggyback into the barbed wire!!
Abdullah drops to his knees, trying to pull all the barbs out of his skin. Before Kilroy can get up, The Sheik is on him with stomps and kicks

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten kicks The Sheik in the stomach and butterflies his arms. He flips him into a double underhook powerbomb!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…The Sheik claps his legs together on Harvey van Houten’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy ties up their legs and pitches Abias the Sudanese Butcher onto his face with an inverted russian leg sweep!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher eventually gets to his feet, but Harvey van Houten catches him in the chest with a front kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans attempts a spinebuster, but The Sheik reverses it into a tornado DDT! He clubs Harvey van Houten from behind, and then irish whips him into the barbed wire!!

The audience groans at Harvey van Houten going into the wire. Harvey shrieks as he checks his face and sees blood

Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten turns around and The Sheik knocks him to the mat with a heel kick!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher licks his blood soaked lips, and pulls his fork out of his pants. He walks over to a sitting Harvey van Houten

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher carves that fork into Harvey van Houten’s cuts!!

The Honolulu audience jeers Abias, who looks to be having a great time. The Sheik stomps away at a blood covered Kilroy Evans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans drop toeholds The Sheik, sending him into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena erupts in cheers! Kilroy slowly gets up and stumbles over to help Harvey van Houten

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy is biting Abias the Sudanese Butcher!

Phillip Blauer: These two deserve each other.

The audience is on their feet as Abias squeals a high pitched scream. The Sheik bleeds down his front as he sits on the mat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher uppercut chops Kilroy in the throat to escape.

Harvey van Houten grabs Abias the Sudanese Butcher from behind with his sleeper

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lights Out!! Harvey van Houten thrashes Abias the Sudanese Butcher from side to side in that sleeper hold.

The Sheik scoops Kilroy Evans up and bodyslams him hard to the mat. Abias the Sudanese Butcher leans forward so Harvey van Houten piggybacks onto his back and continues to apply the Lights Out

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik somersaults into a leg drop onto Kilroy Evans!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher now down on one knee from Harvey van Houten’s Lights Out. The Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring and backflips into a moonsault!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Referee Kelly O’Connell asks Abias the Sudanese Butcher if he wants to submit to van Houten’s Lights Out sleeper but she gets no response

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell tests Abias the Sudanese Butcher’s arm, but suddenly The Sheik clubs Harvey van Houten from behind. Abias the Sudanese Butcher backpedals until he squashes Harvey van Houten into the barbed wire!!

The fans boo as a profusely bleeding Harvey van Houten tips over to the mat. Abias the Sudanese Butcher takes a few steps and drops his big elbow onto Harvey, crushing his chest

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sudanese Cleaver!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 52 minutes 32 seconds, Harvey van Houten has been eliminated by Abias the Sudanese Butcher!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: On his first night in the company, Abias has eliminated three people in Helloween.

Phillip Blauer: This could be his first night in the business.

Guillermo O’Bannon: It very well could be. But this is now a dire situation for Kilroy Evans, who is now in the ring with two men that are both managed by Malcolm Xavier Graves. Abias the Sudanese Butcher headlocks Kilroy and stabs him in the forehead with that fork!

Kilroy tries to get away from the constant prods of the fork, and then The Sheik takes him out with a slingblade

Phillip Blauer: These two were once tag team partners, but like all of Kilroy’s friends, the smell started to get to them.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That is not true. The busted open Sheik now applies a LeBell lock on Kilroy Evans!

Phillip Blauer: What will happen if Kilroy taps out? Will these two go at it, or will Malcolm Xavier Graves flip a coin?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure. The Sheik leans back on Kilroy’s head and arm in the LeBell lock.

Phillip Blauer: I bet it would be like an ancient coin that he took from the rightful owner, right before the cave swallowed him up. Then I bet he looked at it and laughed for a long time.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I imagine that’s true. Abias the Sudanese Butcher putting the boots to Kilroy while Sheik peels back on his head and arm in the LeBell lock.

Kelly O’Connell asks Kilroy Evans if he wants to tap out, while Evans bleeds down Sheik’s arm

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik pulls Kilroy up and he and Abias double DDT Kilroy’s head into the mat!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kilroy Evans kicks out!

Abias the Sudanese Butcher chops Kilroy on the top of the head while The Sheik slides out of the ring. The Sheik grabs a chair and then slides back under the barbed wire back into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik cracks Kilroy in the head with that chair!!

The Honolulu fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of the chair ringing through the SimpliFi Arena, and a bloody Kilroy sprawls to the mat. The Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle from the inside of the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik backflips into a moonsault but Kilroy Evans puts his knees up!!

The audience erupts with cheers! The Sheik grabs his ribs and rolls to the side. Abias the Sudanese Butcher comes over to help his stablemate

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans drop toeholds an oncoming Abias onto The Sheik! He gets on top of Abias’ back, pinning Sheik under both of them!

Phillip Blauer: That’s like 1,000 pounds!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 57 minutes 1 second, The Sheik Has Been Eliminated by Kilroy Evans!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: It is now down to Abias the Sudanese Butcher and Kilroy Evans to see who is going to The Road to Helloween!

Kilroy leaks blood down his Bob’s Burger shirt, while Abias the Sudanese Butcher is on his hands and knees, dripping blood on the canvas, trying to catch his breath

Phillip Blauer: If Abias doesn’t win, he will be forced to go back to live in the box.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He doesn’t live in the box, Phil. He’s not Jambi.

Phillip Blauer: Oh, I stand corrected.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher is up and uppercuts Kilroy with that fork in the chin!

Abias uppercut chops him in the throat. Then he grinds that fork into Kilroy’s cuts, tearing them wider as Evans screams

Phillip Blauer: I tell you, I really like this fellow. Can I keep him?

Guillermo O’Bannon: You’d have to ask MXG. Now the bloodthirsty Abias is biting Kilroy Evans.

Phillip Blauer: He is enjoying a fine meal, marinated for decades in Chick-fil-A. Someone get the man some dipping sauces.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher now digging his fingernails into Kilroy’s laceration over his eye, tearing it open wider with his sharp nails. He stabs Kilroy in the chest with that fork!!

Kilroy clutches his pectoral and rolls out of the ring to safety. Abias slides under the barbed wire out to chase him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias runs Kilroy Evans’ face first into that ring post!

Kilroy Evans falls face first onto the SimpliFi Arena floor. Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a tight shot of Abias, with the blood dripping down his confused face

Guillermo O’Bannon: We are now past an hour into this Helloween barbed wire battle royal. Abias the Sudanese Butcher running stabs Kilroy in the forehead again with that fork!

Abias lays Kilroy out on the announce table

Phillip Blauer: Oh, go right ahead!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias now just puncturing Kilroy’s head with that fork over and over!!

The Honolulu fans boo. Abias braces his forearm against Kilroy’s windpipe, choking him. Outside official Tommy Milligan tries to pull him off, but Abias smacks him away. He pulls him up by the hair off the table and onto his feet. Abias jams the fork into his forehead again

Guillermo O’Bannon: A blood drained and exhausted Kilroy suddenly comes to life and starts biting Abias!!

The audience jumps to their feet as Abias cries out in pain

Phillip Blauer: Well that’s just barbaric!

Kilroy Evans grabs him in a full nelson and positions him in front of the announce table

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans full nelson smashes Abias’ face into our table!

Phillip Blauer: Oh gross, he got blood on my…I mean, your dead Dad’s suit.

Guillermo O’Bannon: …I’m gonna kill you, Phil.

Kilroy Evans backs Abias off with a few well placed right hands that finally seem to be showing some effect. He kicks Abias in the stomach

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans hitting Abias the Sudanese Butcher with some absolute soup bones…but Abias cuts him off and just starts strangling Kilroy!

The Hawaiian fans boo as Abias the Sudanese Butcher starts to throttle him by the throat. Tommy Milligan tries to intervene but is worthless

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy goes down to one knee from the lack of oxygen as Abias continues to choke him.
Abias rolls Kilroy onto the apron, then stabs him with his fork. Kilroy tries to stop a second stab, but is unsuccessful

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias the Sudanese Butcher pulls Kilroy up on the apron, and starts pressing his face into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena rocks with boos as Abias squeals. Kilroy runs in place from the pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: Abias really pushing down on the back of Kilroy’s head, pressing the barbs even farther into Kilroy’s skin! He rakes Evans’ forehead back and forth across the wire!!

Evan cries out in blood curdling screams. Out of desperation, he grabs Abias in a three quarter nelson and diamond cutters him off the apron

Guillermo O’Bannon: Where The Sidewalk Ends!!

The SimpliFi Arena is deafening as Kilroy crawls over and places his arm over Abias

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Guillermo O’Bannon: For two years in a row, Kilroy Evans is going to The Road to Helloween!!

"Old Man" by Masta Killa ft. ODB & RZA plays and the crowd jumps up and down in jubilation! Kilroy continues to lie on top of Abias, completely spent

Greg Jin: “At 1 hour 4 minutes 26 seconds; THE WINNER OF HELLOWEEN #2…KILROY EVANS!!!”

Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. helps Kilroy, who looks like he was hand dipped in blood, to his feet. Tommy Milligan raises his bloody arm as the Honolulu audience chants “KILROY!! KILROY!! KILROY!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon:He joins Hans Schmutzhausen in 1997, 27 years ago, as the only man to ever go to The Road to Helloween twice in a row.

Phillip Blauer: But we don’t talk about Hans.

Guillermo O’Bannon: We don’t. Malcolm Xavier Graves had a ace in the hole with The Sheik and Abias the Sudanese Butcher in the same Helloween, but Kilroy Evans persevered.

The fans slap Kilroy on his back and shoulders as Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. and his team, along with Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr.; lead a blood covered Evans to the locker room

Guillermo O’Bannon: Now goes on to team with the winner of the next Helloween, Helloween #3, to take on Rat Bastard and the winner of Hellowen #4, in The Road to Helloween, a barbed wire tag team falls count anywhere match. The winning team will go on to face one another for the 2024 Hardkore Helloween Cup, and a shot at Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan…

Suddenly Abias the Sudanese Butcher pushes past Larry and David Valentine Jr. and starts punching Kilroy Evans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hey, come on! The match is over!

Phillip 7Blauer: Things like bells seem to matter very little to Abias the Sudanese Butcher.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans and Abias the Sudanese Butcher now exchanging blows back and forth in the aisle way!

The crowd cheers as the two bloodsoaked madmen brawl through the curtain

Phillip Blauer: This still isn’t over!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans, we’ll be right back with Hardkore Helloween #3!

[Jonnie Valentine]

Fade up on Guillermo and Phil

Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up we have Helloween #3. Rat Bastard won the first Helloween and will team with the winner of Helloween #4 in The Road to Helloween. But Kilroy Evans won Helloween #2, and so he will team with whoever wins this Helloween.

“Run Away to MARS" by TALK plays and The Martian walks out

Phillip Blauer: Who’s this sad little person?

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s The Martian…do you seriously not watch any of our TV tapings?

Phillip Blauer: What…like a nerd?!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, he’s The Martian who had some women problems…

Phillip Blauer: By the looks of him, I imagine the women had problems with him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That may be true but nevertheless, he then became disinterested in Earthly matter, and decided he wanted to live in space. He’s gotten into shape, hoping Elon Musk will notice him and take him to Mars.

Phillip Blauer: …

Guillermo O’Bannon: You don’t have any comment on that?

Phillip Blauer: Not at all. Impressing billionaires should be the only reason one gets into professional wrestling.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is a Helloween #3, a barbed wire falls count anywhere battle royal. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Your outside official is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Featuring first, from Mars; Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds; THE MARTIAN!!!”

The Honolulu fans boo

“You’ve Got The Touch” by Stan Bush and Vince DiCola plays and “The Palm Springs Kid” Billy Striker jogs down to the ring in his white satin jacket with The Palm Springs Kid written in cursive on the back. He slaps the hands of the children and women in the crowd while the men mostly boo. One fan holds up a sign that says “For A Good Time Call Billy Stryker’s Mom”

Phillip Blauer: Ok, who is this?

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is Billy Striker, Phil. He recently graduated from Butch “The Anvil” Brooks’ wrestling school…

Phillip Blauer: I don’t like him. Thinks he’s so cute. Imagine a wrestler calling attention to being attractive?

Guillermo O’Bannon: The guy can’t help the way he looks.

Phillip Blauer: Neither can I! You don’t see me going around making myself the center of attention?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, you called in a bomb threat until the SimpliFi Arena owner would tell you that you were the fairest one of all.

Phillip Blauer: That guy had an attitude problem, and a potty mouth. That reminds me, I have to untie his family and let them go.

Yolanda Ando: Billy Striker wears white trunks, white knee pads, and white boots with red laces.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Billy Striker grew up watching Hardkore Helloween, and he knows all the ways people get in trouble in this match, and he's hoping to avoid them.

Greg Jin: “From Palm Springs, California; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 238 pounds…’THE PALM SPRINGS KID’ BILLY STRIKER!!!”

The Honolulu crowd cheers Billy

Keiko Abe's “Dream of Cherry Blossoms” and El Hijo Del Sweet Bone Daddy walks out to cheers

Phillip Blauer: What in blazes is that?

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s El Hijo Del Sweet Bone Daddy.

Phillip Blauer: Is that morse code?

Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s the son of Sweet Bone Daddy. He took over the gimmick after his father was forced to retire after losing a mask vs. mask match against Florida Man in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Phillip Blauer: Wouldn’t that just make him Sweet Bone So, nny?

Yolanda Ando: El Hijo Del Sweet Bone Daddy wears a black full bodysuit with plastic bones attached to it by velcro, forming a skeleton.

Greg Jin: “From Okinawa, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 213 pounds…EL HIJO DEL SWEET DADDY!!!”

The fans pop for El Hijo Del Sweet Daddy as he waves to them

“Now You're a Man" by DVDA plays and the Hawaiian audience boos. Scorpion takes most of Chazz Michael Michaels opening routine in Blades of Glory as he works his way down the aisle.

Phillip Blauer: This is breathtaking.

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is pretty sexually charged. We have families here.

Phillip Blauer: Well, when you bring a child to a barbed wire tournament you’re gonna have to expect some trauma either way.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Scorpion’s career has hit a rough patch, and lately has to work as an assistant for “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan and would love to win this event and get his career back on track.

Greg Jin: “From Sawmill, Arizona; Standing 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 185 pounds…SCORPION!!!”

The SimpliFi Arena jeers

“Anchors Away” by Charles A. Zimmermann plays. A video on the jumbotron shows an alligator in a cage, struggling to break free. The alligator's struggles intensify, its movements becoming more frantic. Just as the song kicks into full gear, the cage shatters, and the alligator escapes, roaring into the night. The Honolulu crowd erupts in cheers as Deacon Oldham emerges from the mist, clad in a green silk jacket emblazoned with the team name: The Fabulous Free Gators. Deacon looks down the lens of the camera and orders his daughter to break up with Marty Donovan. A scrolling graphic on the broadcast displays the phone number and URL for the Florida Man Legal Defense Fund. The crowd's cheers intensify as they donate to the cause.

Phillip Blauer: Deacon Oldham here to achieve every father’s dream. A chance to fight his idiot son-in-law.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Oldham is a former XHF World Tag Team Champion. He won them in CAR with his son-in-law Marty Donovan by defeating Skeletronics and Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon in a CARnal Cake match at the Sippy Cup Race 6 in North Carolina.

Phillip Blauer: I see. And this was presumably a best of three falls match in the late 60s? I would assume one of the falls was a disqualification for pulling hair?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No, it was June of 2023. They lost the titles to Hunter Storms and Daigo Arakawa in New York at Night of Champions later that summer.

Phillip Blauer: Egads, I think I went to high school with this guy.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon points to his time in the Navy as proof that he’s tough enough to win Helloween, and is looking to use the prize money for Florida Man’s defense fund.

Greg Jin: “From Whitefish, Montana; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds…DEACON OLDHAM!!!”

The crowd cheers

"UFC Remix" plays and Tong Fairtex comes to ringside

Guillermo O’Bannon: Former Hardkore World and SWAT Tag Team Champion Tong Fairtex is the most experienced in this entire group. He lasted an amazing one hour 19 minutes in Hardkore Helloween 2007, before getting eliminated by Dougie Ray Bullet. Then he lasted the same amount of time, one hour and 19 minutes in Hardkore Helloween 2008, eliminating Requiem before getting eliminated by Phoenix. He competed in the 2009 Hardkore Helloween Cup, lasting 35 minutes, eliminating Leonard van Dam before being eliminated by Poke the Clown. So this is a man who has gone nearly an hour and a half in Helloween, two years in a row. Plus his father The Shootfighter was in these events since their inception.

Yolanda Ando: Tong wears tight fitting MMW fighting trunks with a dragon and tiger on the sides and the Thailand Flag in the front and black wrestling boots.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Tong seems to be focused on taking out Captain Righteous and his partner Honor Knight. He calls them cosplayers and doesn’t think their elaborate entrances have added up to much in title victories. Tong is also appreciative of Billy Striker’s kind words about him and his father.

Phillip Blauer: But why does he get two battle royals when everyone else only gets one?

Guillermo O’Bannon: What? No he doesn’t.

Phillip Blauer: We just saw him in the other one.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I think you’re thinking of his brother, Phantam.

Phillip Blauer: I don’t know what a phantom brother is, but I’m talking about Shootfighter’s boy, Dong.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong.

Tong Fairtex slides under the barbed wire and goes to each corner saying a prayer before going to his corner jumping up and down slapping and pounding his chest and face with his fists psyching himself up

Greg Jin: “From Bangkok, Thailand: Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds…TONG FAIRTEX!!!”

The crowd pops for Tong

“C’mon ‘n Ride It (The Train)” by Quad City DJs plays and the fans leap to their feet as Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder walks out with a padded glove on his right hands. His left knee is in a brace

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder still recovering from Rat Bastard breaking his hand in Manchester, England. That injury unfortunately came into play in his match with Doc Holiday in San Francisco.

Yolanda Ando: Syrus Wilder wears blue dungaree coveralls, with a patch on his left chest pocket to highlight St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. He has another oval patch above left chest pocket with “SW” with a blue denim engineer’s cap.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Syrus has been in training with legendary father, John “Catman” Wilder in preparation for his first Hardkore Helloween. Despite losing 30 pounds, as the biggest guy in this match, Wilder looking to use his size to outlast the brutality of this match.

Phillip Blauer: I did notice his dungarees were hanging a little loose, and he had a little less in the caboose.

Syrus Wilder slaps the fans’ hands as he passes a child holding up a sign with a picture of Syrus Wilder’s head as the head of a locomotive

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus hopes to get past this Helloween so he can get Alexander Von Blankenship and his father in a barbed wire ring in The Road to Helloween. He also appears to have tweaked his knee during that training with his father.

Phillip Blauer: Cripes, if he was a horse they would have shot him by now.

Greg Jin: “He Hails From The Rails; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 297 pounds…SYRUS ‘THE STEAM WHISTLE’ WILDER!!!”

Huge ovation for Wilder

As the beginning intro to Vince Staples “Black&Blue” rings out through the SimpliFi Arena’s P.A. system as the house lights simply bring it’s focus towards the entrance curtain, the crowd - though not visible - are on their feet and awaiting the arrival of The Captain, the voice of Vince Staples being heard as a figure steps through the curtain with their head held down. All of the house lights within the SimpliFi Arena begin to flash, like a strobe light, as the beat drops through the first verse.

Phillip Blauer: Is he coming out or not?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil!

Phillip Blauer: It’s just that it’s a long show, we can wait for entire verses.

The figure continues to stand in the same position as he was beforehand, taking slow steps forward until he’s just at the edge of the stage from the ramp that leads to the ring below. A slight movement from the figure as he brings his head into a viewable position and shows his face. Daniel Ackerman had arrived.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Daniel Ackerman makes his debut in Hardkore World. A native of Ireland, he came to Sacramento and undoubtedly saw us on KCRA growing up.

Phillip Blauer: At 2am?

Guillermo O’Bannon: If they weren’t playing a knife sharpener infomercial that night.

The One Winged Angel began to make his way down the ramp, slow nonchalant steps as he looked out to the crowd and the spotlight following his every move, and with these steps he take- he gives his many opponents time to evaluate what they’re to expect. Daniel makes it to the ring side area and again, continuing his nonchalant walk, he circles around the ring until he’s made a full path around before hopping onto the apron where the hard-cam is facing. Pointing up to the hard-cam and then back to himself as if telling it to zoom in on just himself

Phillip Blauer: See? The guy’s been here for two minutes and he’s already bossing Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. around.

Guillermo O’Bannon: No he’s not, Phil, this is exactly why people don’t want to come here.

Phillip Blauer: What, me?? If anything, I’m what saves this sleazy fight club.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Daniel Ackerman has wrestled in Ireland, Japan, as well as here in the states for Project: Honor, but tonight he comes to the West Coast to wrestle for Hardkore World. In his very first match here, he could conceivably win a shot at Hardkore World Champion Marty Donovan.

Phillip Blauer: Imagine how bossy he’ll be about his camera shots then.

Ackerman slides under the barbed wire and looks across the ring to his opponents, giving off the cocky smile we’re used to seeing resting on his face before heading into the corner and tapping the point of his right foot on the ring mat

Greg Jin: “From Waterford City, County Waterford, Ireland; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 205 pounds; The One Winged Angel…DANIEL ACKERMAN!!!”

Upon hearing the name of The One Winged Angel, Daniel climbs to the second rope and with the spotlight shining down onto him, pulling his black leather jacket open to show his pectoral muscles with that same cocky smirk on his face, the hard-cam picks up him mouthing something off but with the fans cheering loudly and the music continuing to play over, his voice becomes inaudible. Ackerman drops down to the ring mat with a loud thud as he turns to face his opponents, bringing his hands behind his back and once again, he mouths something that’s inaudible

A choir of children begin to sing after a lengthy sinister haunting piano melody is played, searchlights look around the arena for none other than Captain Righteous and Honor Knight who comes floating down from above the crowd. Their capes flap majestically as he rests both hands on his waist, smiling and scanning the crowd below.

Phillip Blauer: Oh, it’s kind of nice when they come down together like that.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Is that a bow in Captain Righteous’ hair?

Phillip Blauer: Why yes it is, and he pulls it off pretty well if I do say so myself.

Guillermo O’Bannon: How is that a costume?

Phillip Blauer: Maybe he’s supposed to be Ms. Pacman? You go girl!

Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s got Honor Knight with him, who is supposedly his spaceship with it’s consciousness transferred into a man.

Phillip Blauer: It’s a recipe for hilarity!

The audience holds up signs that say “Captain Self Righteous”, and “I Don’t Understand How Honor Knight Is Both A Spaceship AND A Person?”, Finally they land half way down the ramp where they walk confidently towards the ring only to float from outside the ring, over the barbed wire and finally land in the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous somehow feels he has made Hardkore World better through his nefarious actions…

Phillip Blauer: I’ll say! He solved a murder, rescued a beautiful lady from a guy with a big stick, AND took the stick!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous is now focused on becoming Hardkore World Champion and running through everyone in this Helloween battle royal. And with Honor Knight being in the match, he has an advantage of being able to team up against the many enemies they have in that ring.

Greg Jin: “From Area 51; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 220 pounds…HONOR KNIGHT!!!” From Manhattan, New York; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”

The SimpliFi Arena rocks with boos

---

Helloween #3

Captain Righteous

Daniel Ackerman

Honor Knight

Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder

Tong Fairtex

Deacon Oldham

Scorpion

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy

“The Palm Springs Kid” Billy Striker

The Martian

---

The bell rings and Tong Fairtex smacks The Martian in the ankle with a muay thai kick.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham pops Billy Striker in the face with a right jab.

Phillip Blauer: Good, mess him up good.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder hits El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy with a left cross. Fairtex hits The Martian in the thigh with a muay thai kick.

Captain Righteous irish whips Scorpion into Honor Knight, who back drops him high into the air. Tong cracks The Martian in the side of the knee with a muay thai kick.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight moves in on Scorpion, but Scorpion flips him with an arm drag. Scorpion goes after Captain Righteous, but Righteous drop toeholds him facefirst into the barbed wire!!

The audience reacts with horror as Captain Righteous stands there, staring at Scorpion, stunned. Daniel Ackerman cracks Syrus Wilder with an elbow smash

Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous wishes he didn’t have to disfigure Jordan’s lackey, but he does.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Billy Striker runs at Tong Fairtex and monkey flips him. Captain Righteous pulls Scorpion out of the barbed wire and scoops him up for a backbreaker.

Striker grabs a side headlock on Tong. Daniel Ackerman gets a running start and hits 320 pound Syrus Wilder with a shoulder block, but Wilder just stands there, popping the crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: Not the best form of attack on The Steam Whistle. Meanwhile, Billy Striker tightens up on that headlock on Fairtex. Syrus hits Ackerman with a right hook.

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy arm drags The Martian. Honor Knight grabs Wilder and headbutts him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex slips out of Billy Striker’s headlock and whacks him in the back of the head with a muay thai elbow. The Martian hits Striker with a spin kick.

Phillip Blauer: Really took him a while to make that rotation.

Guillermo O’Bannon: It really did. Clearly it had little effect as Billy Striker grabs Martian’s arm and twists it. El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy hip tosses Daniel Ackerman.

Scorpion sneaks up behind Tong Fairtex and snaps him back into a russian leg sweep. Striker gives The Martian’s arm another twist

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham grabs an arm bar on Tong Fairtex. Syrus Wilder whacks El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy in the chest with a karate chop. Honor Knight now strangling Billy Striker!

Phillip Blauer: Yes!! Yes! Strangle the youthful breath from his body!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Control yourself, Phil. Deacon sticks his knee into the ball of Fairtex’s shoulder and clamps down on the armbar. Daniel Ackerman lands a stiff kick to Martian’s aching arm.

Captain Righteous lifts El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy on his shoulders into a fireman’s carry and then drops down into a samoan drop

…ONE!


…TWO!


…El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder irish whips Billy Striker into the barbed wire!!

The audience lets out a collective “OH!!” as Billy Striker sinks into the barbed wire. Tong Fairtex works his way to his feet with Deacon Oldham hanging onto that arm bar, and then uses his free arm to bodyslam his way out of it

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder rams his shoulder into Striker’s stomach a few times, driving him farther into the barbed wire! Honor Knight scoops a bleeding Scorpion up and drops him on his knee with a backbreaker.

Tong Fairtex scoops Oldham up and bodyslams him a second time. Honor Knight irish whips Scorpion into Captain Righteous

Guillermo O’Bannon: Scorpion catches Captain Righteous with a flying headscissors takedown!

Phillip Blauer: Wait, no, that’s not how that was supposed to go. Do it again.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Before Honor Knight can intervene, Deacon Oldham tackles him with a double leg takedown!

The Martian runs at Fairtex but he muay thai superkicks him in the face. Honor Knight pulls Deacon off of Righteous with an inverted facelock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight drops down into a reverse DDT on Deacon Oldham!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham gets his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy takes Syrus Wilder down from behind with a school boy cradle!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Syrus Wilder kicks out!

Tong Fairtex comes from behind and applies a giant octopus style tazmission on The Martian

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Bangkok Lock! Fairtex pulls back on Martian’s arm, while pressing down on his head with his leg, and clamping down on Martian’s throat with his forearm.

Scorpion drapes his leg across the back of Billy Striker’s head and drives his bloody face into the mat with a fameasser

Guillermo O’Bannon: Cornhole by Scorpion!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Billy Striker kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex drops down into an on the mat version of the Bangkok Lock on The Martian. A crimson masked Scorpion gets up and complains to Tommy Milligan about a slow count, but Daniel Ackerman grabs him from behind with a back suplex!

Honor Knight irish whips El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy into Captain Righteous who takes him out with a flying shoulder tackle. The Honolulu fans jeer as Righteous waves at them

Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Tommy Milligan asks The Martian if he wants to submit to Tong Fairtex’s Bangkok Lock and he taps out!

Greg Jin: “At 10 minutes 34 seconds, The Martian has been eliminated by Tong Fairtex!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Martian now eliminated. Billy Striker pops Syrus Wilder with a few boxing jabs and then finishes with a windup punch that knocks Wilder back into the corner.

Captain Righteous hits Wilder in the jaw with a few elbows while Syrus is in the corner. Daniel Ackerman standing dropkicks Tong Fairtex

Guillermo O’Bannon: El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy cartwheels into a kick to Deacon Oldham’s face! Righteous irish whips Wilder into Honor Knight who knocks him to the mat with a lariat!

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy pulls Deacon Oldham up, but Deacon comes up swinging with an uppercut. Fairtex hits Daddy in the guys with a muay thai kick. Scorpion climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Scorpion flips off the top with a somersault leg drop on Syrus Wilder!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Syrus Wilder kicks out!

Scorpion pulls Syrus Wilder up, but The Steam Whistle is ready for him with a snap mare

Guillermo O’Bannon: Derailment!

Phillip Blauer: I still cannot believe he named his snap mare...

Guillermo O’Bannon: Let him name things, Phil.

Phil folds his arms. Daniel Ackerman takes Deacon Oldham down with a slingblade

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight scoops El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy up and goes for a bodyslam but Daddy inside cradles him on the way down!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Honor Knight kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex whacks Daniel Ackerman with some muay thai knife edge chops. Knight gets to his feet and hits El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy in the teeth with a spinning back fist.

Deacon Oldham cracks Scorpion in the shins with some leg kicks. Captain Righteous grabs Ackerman from behind with an inverted facelock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous drops Daniel Ackerman down into a reverse DDT!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Daniel Ackerman rolls his shoulder up!

Billy Striker wipes the blood out of his eyes and climbs to the top turnbuckle, then jumps off with his flying body press

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Palm Springs Kid” Billy Striker hits Deacon Oldham with The Desert Dive!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Scorpion slugging away at Tong Fairtex. Billy Striker irish whips Syrus Wilder, but Wilder reverses it and throws Striker right into that barbed wire again!!

The audience cheers as Striker has to pull one of the barbs out of his eyebrow. He turns around and is nearly decapitated by Wilder’s russian sickle

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Cattle Catcher!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes 55 seconds, ‘The Palm Springs Kid’ Billy Striker has been eliminated by Syrus ‘The Steam Whistle’ Wilder!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous catches a busted open Scorpion under the chin with a savate kick!

Daniel Ackerman takes Tong Fairtex out with a spinning back wheel kick! El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy climbs to the top turnbuckle and turns around

Guillermo O’Bannon: El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy dives off the top turnbuckle with a flying headbutt to Scorpion!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Scorpion kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight twirls around and cracks Daniel Ackerman with a discus punch. Deacon Oldham is on top of Tong hammering down with elbow strikes.

Syrus Wilder throws El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy across the ring with a hip toss. Tong Fairtex gets to his feet with Oldham, grabbing him in a muay thai clinch

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fairtex now hitting Deacon in the ribs with those muay thai knee strikes. Wilder pulls up Scorpion, but Scorpion punches his way out of it. Honor Knight and Righteous go towards Syrus, but he takes them both out with a double clothesline!

Righteous and Honor Knight both roll under the barbed wire out of the ring. Tong Fairtex knocks Deacon Oldham to the mat with a muay thai punch.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Daniel Ackerman grabs El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy in a front facelock, and steps up to the second turnbuckle. He jumps off with a jumping tornado DDT that drills Daddy’s head into the canvas!

Tong goes to pick Oldham up, but Deacon grabs him in an arm triangle choke. Scorpion climbs to the top turnbuckle, and jumps off with a whisper in the wind

Guillermo O’Bannon: Scorpion with a Fart in the Wind that takes out both Captain Righteous and Honor Knight!!

Phillip Blauer: That’s a rather crass name. He’s bringing down the dignity of this barbed wire battle royal.

Outside official Richie Richardson gets into position as Scorpion pins Honor Knight on the floor

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Honor Knight kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, Deacon Oldham pulls back on Tong’s arm in the triangle choke, using his legs to cut off Fairtex’s air.

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy pulls off his plastic skull mask, revealing another fabric skull mask underneath

Phillip Blauer: Gadzooks! He’s pulled off his own head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy throws that plastic skull mask at Daniel Ackerman!

Phillip Blauer: That’s gotta smart.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Tommy Milligan asks Tong Fairtex if he wants to tap out to Deacon Oldham’s triangle choke but he refuses, ‘

On the floor, a crimson masked Scorpion goes for a DDT, but Honor Knight lifts him up into a fireman’s carry. He flips him forward into a wasteland on the concrete

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honored Last Rites on the floor!!

Honor Knight goes for the pin, but Captain Righteous stops him. He wiggles his finger, and places his boot on Scorpion’s chest. He smiles at the jeering audience as Richie Richardson makes the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!

Greg Jin: “At 22 minutes 52 seconds, Scorpion has been eliminated by Captain Righteous!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous depriving his partner Honor Knight of the elimination there.

Phillip Blauer: Well of course. The man is a spaceship for crying out loud. You don’t get a doggie bag for your car.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess not. Deacon Oldham turns Tong Fairtex over into a boston crab. Meanwhile, Daniel Ackerman grabs El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy in a north south choke!

Honor Knight slides under the barbed wire back into the ring. Daniel Ackerman flattens himself out in the north south choke on El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight gets a running start and diving clotheslines Syrus Wilder! Deacon Oldham plants his feet and pulls back on Fairtex’s legs in that boston crab.

Tommy Milligan checks in to see if El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy wants to tap out to Daniel Ackerman’s north south choke but he refuses. Captain Righteous slides under the barbed wire to return to the ring. Knight pulls Syrus Wilder to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder blocks a right hand, and counters with a headbutt to Honor Knight’s forehead. El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy works his way to his feet and back drops Ackerman over his shoulder.

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy cartwheels into a spin kick that catches Daniel Ackerman. Tong Fairtex plants his hands and powers out of Deacon Oldham’s boston crab

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous gorilla presses Daniel Ackerman over his head!

Phillip Blauer: Would you look at that effortless power!

Captain Righteous smiles as he walks Daniel Ackerman around the ring, while Honor Knight applauds. The Honolulu fans boo in return

Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous finally drops Daniel Ackerman onto his knee with a gutbuster!

Ackerman clutches his stomach, and rolls around the mat. Righteous continues to wave to the jeering audience

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex knocks El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy to the mat with a muay thai kick. Deacon Oldham rams a few knees into Ackerman’s guts on the mat.

Fairtex applies an indian deathlock on El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy. Captain Righteous irish whips Deacon Oldham into Honor Knight

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight flapjacks Oldham’s face into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena boos loudly as Oldham falls back to the mat. Meanwhile, Fairtex stands up with El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy’s legs wrapped in the indian deathlock, and then drops back to put pressure on his knees.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Knight adds insult to injury by kidney punching a bleeding Deacon on the mat. Daniel Ackerman gets to his knees, but Captain Righteous hits him in the side of the head with a shining wizard!

The Honolulu audience lets out a loud “OH!” at the sound of Righteous’ boot hitting Ackerman’s head. Referee Tommy Milligan asks El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy if he wants to give up to Tong Fairtex’s indian deathlock, but he shakes his head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex releases the indian deathlock and pulls El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy up by the mask. He takes to the air with a muay thai dropkick!

Honor Knight runs at Daniel Ackerman, but Ackerman catches him with a pop up kneeling powerbomb

Guillermo O’Bannon: Mercy Bomb!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Captain Righteous stomps the back of Ackerman’s head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous saving his, uh, spaceship there. He pulls Ackerman up and faceplant DDTs him! Meanwhile, Tong Fairtex goes for a suplex but El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy rolls back into an inside cradle!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Tong Fairtex kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy pulls off his femur bone, on his costume that is, and tattoos Tong Fairtex with it!

The fans cheer. Deacon Oldham kicks Daniel Ackerman in the head. He pulls Daniel up, but Ackerman grabs him in a front facelock, and northern lights brainbusters him on his head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Higher Power!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight lifts Tong Fairtex up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and drops down into a samoan drop!

El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy starts break dancing on Tong Fairtex’s back. He spins around, and then kips up and starts doing the robot. Then the worm. Everyone kind of just stops and stares at him

Phillip Blauer: Quick, someone get Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr.! El Hombre Sugar Daddy is having a conniption fit!

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure what it is. And neither does anyone else in that ring, clearly.

Tong Fairtex gets up and brushes himself off. He sees the dancing El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy and blasts him with an enzuigiri

Guillermo O’Bannon: Bangkok Blast!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 32 minutes 59 seconds, El Hijo Sweet Bone Daddy has been eliminated by Tong Fairtex!!”

Phillip Blauer: Hopefully he can pick up all his body parts on the way out, thank you very much.

Guillermo O’Bannon: A second elimination by Tong Fairtex. Six left in this match. Syrus hits Righteous in the stomach, and then stands him up with an uppercut. Daniel Ackerman pulls a bleeding Deacon Oldham up, but Oldham flips him with a judo toss.

Syrus twists Captain Righteous’ arm. Tong Fairtex muay thai kicks Honor Knight in the stomach, and then double underhooks his arms

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex with a pedigree on Honor Knight! Wilder wearing down Captain Righteous’ arm with that wristlock.

Deacon Oldham pulls Ackerman up and tries to apply a guillotine choke, but Daniel lifts him up into a fireman’s carry. He adjusts Oldham’s legs so he can drop him on his head with a cross-legged samoan driver

Guillermo O’Bannon: Invictus!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham kicks out!

Wilder drops Righteous’s arm and pulls up Honor Knight. He tries to front waistlock him for a bearhug, but Knight bell claps his ears

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s a good way to burst Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder’s ear drum.

Phillip Blauer: I’m sure he lost those years ago on the trains. That’s why I always talk real loud and slow to him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I know, he hates that.

Phillip Blauer: I am just trying to accommodate a fellow employee’s disability, and I get treated like this?

Guillermo O’Bannon: He doesn’t have a…Captain Righteous hits Syrus Wilder with a flying back elbow!

The Hawaiian fans jeer. Honor Knight cartwheels into a splash on Wilder

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Syrus Wilder kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Daniel Ackerman butterflies Deacon Oldham’s arms and lifts him up into a double underhook piledriver! Honor Knight runs at Syrus Wilder with a high cross body, but The Steam Whistle catches him!

Phillip Blauer: Uh oh.

Syrus Wilder walks around with a panicked Honor Knight and finally drops him onto his knee in a backbreaker

Guillermo O’Bannon: Caboose on Honor Knight! Tong Fairtex grabs Daniel Ackerman and bashes his face into the barbed wire!!

The crowd lets out an “OH!!” Daniel Ackerman staggers away from the barbed wire but Deacon Oldham hits him with a pounce that knocks him back into the wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham with his Anchor’s Away that puts Ackerman back into that wretched wire!! Tong Fairtex grabs Honor Knight in a rings of saturn!

Fairtex pulls back on both of Honor Knight’s arms. Meanwhile, Daniel Ackerman plucks himself out of the barbed wire, as blood leaks all down his front

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous stomps Tong Fairtex to get Honor Knight out of the rings of saturn. Syrus Wilder dropkicks Deacon Oldham.

Captain Righteous turns his attention to Daniel Ackerman and pulls Ackerman’s head into his legs. He pulls him up into a powerbomb and then tosses him into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous with a modified Righteous Rage into the barbed wire!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 38 minutes 24 seconds, Daniel Ackerman has been eliminated by Captain Righteous!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous with his second elimination of the match, this one is actually his.

Phillip Blauer: That space ship person has no problem sharing the glory, why can’t you?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder scoops Tong Fairtex up and plants him with the B&O bodyslam. Captain Righteous climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives off with a flying headbutt on Deacon Oldham!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight pulls a crimson masked Oldham up, but Deacon cracks him in the leg with a stiff kick.

Phillip Blauer: He’s a salty old cuss, isn’t he?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Knight puts out that fire, but cradling Oldham’s leg, and flipping him into a fisherman’s suplex!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Deacon Oldham kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex lands a muay thai kick to Captain Righteous’ stomach, then backs up and smashes him on the back of the head with an ax kick!

Syrus Wilder pulls Captain Righteous up into a full nelson, and Fairtex goes below with some muay thai punches to Righteous’ stomach

Phillip Blauer: Hey, that’s double teaming. No fair!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight comes off the second turnbuckle with a diving double ax handle to the back of Syrus Wilder, to free his…passenger? Captain Righteous.

Phillip Blauer: Thank heavens for Honor Knight.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham grabs Captain Righteous’ arm in a kimura. Tong Fairtex takes Honor Knight down in a muay thai kick.

Tong Fairtex applies a crippler crossface on Honor Knight. The bloody mess, Oldham, cranks back on Righteous’ arm in that kimura, but he refuses to tap out to Tommy Milligan

Guillermo O’Bannon: Both Righteous and Knight tied up in arm submissions right now.

Tommy Milligan asking both men if they give up, but both Knight and Captain Righteous try and hold on

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Willder hits Righteous with an elbow drop, breaking up the kimura. Tong releases the crippler crossface, and both Righteous and Honor Knight roll out of the ring to the floor to relative safety.

Tong Fairtex climbs to the top turnbuckle. Honor Knight asks Captain Righteous if he’s ok, as Righteous tries to shake some feeling into his arm

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex somersaults off the top turnbuckle and takes out both Captain Righteous and Honor Knight on the floor!!

Outside official Richie Richardson slides in to make the count as Fairtex pins both Knight and Righteous

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Righteous and Honor Knight both kick out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex starts slugging Honor Knight, backing him up the aisleway!

Back in the ring, Deacon comes at Syrus with a spinning backfist but he ducks and Wilder drops him on the back of his head with a belly to back suplex

Guillermo O’Bannon: Boilermaker! Out in the aisle, Captain Righteous clubs Tong Fairtex on the back of the head while he’s turned around fighting Honor Knight.

Tong starts plastering Captain Righteous with right hands while Richie Richardson follows them. Inside the ring, Syrus Wilder applies a camel clutch on Oldham

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder applies the Interchange on Deacon Oldham!! Back by the entrance. Tong Fairtex continues to hammer Captain Righteous with muay thai strikes!

Back in the ring, Wilder locks his fingers together under Deacon’s chin and rocks back with his head and neck. Out by the entrance, Honor Knight has gotten on the stage, above where Captain Righteous and Tong Fairtex are exchanging blows

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight gets a running start on the stage and shooting star presses Tong Fairtex underneath him!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


...Tong Fairtex kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Blood drips down Deacon’s face while the nearly 300 pound Syrus Wilder rocks back on the Interchange.

Tommy Milligan asks Deacon Oldham if he wants to submit to The Interchange, but the Navy man shakes his head, refusing to give up. Out in the aisleway, Captain Righteous butterflies Fairtex’s arms

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous double underhook suplexes Tong Fairtex out in the concrete!!

The Honolulu audience jeers Righteous. Fairtex sits up in pain in the aisle. Inside the ring, Syrus Wilder sits low on Deacon’s back and reclines back on Oldham’s head and neck

Guillermo O’Bannon: Deacon Oldham has to tap out to The Interchange!!

Greg Jin: “At 47 minutes 25 seconds, Deacon Oldham has been eliminated by Syrus ‘The Steam Whistle’ Wilder!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: That is Syrus Wilder’s second elimination and we are essentially in a tag team match between Wilder and Tong Fairtex against Captain Righteous and Honor Knight.

Syrus Wilder slides under the barbed wire to the ringside area. Honor Knight joins Captain Righteous in the aisle to confront Wilder

Phillip Blauer: The Steam Whistle running into a wall of superheroes here.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder charges them and takes them both out with a shoulder tackle!!

The Honolulu audience erupts and chants “SYRUS!! SYRUS!! SYRUS!!” Tong Fairtex grabs a chair from a ringside fan

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex brains Captain Righteous with a chairshot there!!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a loud “OH” at the sound of the chair ringing off of Righteous’ head. He goes down like a redwood tree

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Honor Knight stomps the back of Tong Fairtex’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder clotheslines Honor Knight over the railing into the audience!

Phillip Blauer: It’s the Spaceship Man vs. The Choo Choo Man. The Battle of the Inanimate Objects!

Wilder steps over the guardrail out into the crowd with Honor Knight. Richie Richardson climbs over with him out amongst the fans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex picks up that chair, but Captain Righteous ducks the swing, and counters with a superman punch!

Out in the crowd, the Hawaiian fans pat Syrus Wilder on the back as he clears a path towards Honor Knight

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder measures him, and hits Honor Knight between the eyes with a fistdrop out in the seventh row!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Honor Knight kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder scoops Honor Knight up and B & O bodyslams him over the railing back into the aisle!

Honor Knight arches his back in pain. Captain Righteous slides under the barbed wire, and goes to the other side of the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous gets a running start and somersaults over the barbed wire into a senton on Tong Fairtex on the SimpliFi Arena floor!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


...Tong Fairtex kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous gets to his feet, but Syrus Wilder kicks him in the stomach. He gives Righteous a rope-a-dope high kick!

Syrus Wilder rolls Captain Righteous back into the ring and then climbs to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder comes off the top with a flying 300 pound elbow to Captain Righteous’ chest!

…ONE!


…TWO!


...Honor Knight stomps the back of Wilder’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex muay thai kicks Captain Righteous in the stomach, and then front facelocks him. He twists Righteous into the shake rattle ‘n’ roll!

Captain Righteous stumbles to his feet, holding the back of his neck. Syrus Wilder gets him in his sights while the crowd noise gets louder and louder

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder charges in but Honor Knight pushes Captain Righteous out of the way and takes the clothesline into the barbed wire!!

The fans erupt as Honor Knight is tangled in the barbed wire. Captain Righteous looks at Knight in horror. Tong Fairtex grabs Righteous from behind in a cross jacket

Guillermo O’Bannon: Honor Knight sacrificed himself for Captain Righteous, putting his own body into the barbed wire! Wilder gives Honor Knight the iron claw!

The Honolulu audience gets even louder as Wilder’s fingers make Honor Knight bleed even more. Tong Fairtex pulls back on Righteous’ wrists, pressing them against his own chest

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder abandons the claw, perhaps due to his lingering hand injury sustained by Rat Bastard. He applies a Red Eye reverse sleeper!

Tong Fairtex converts the cross jacket into a tazmission. He braces his forearm against Captain Righteous’ windpipe

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan checks in but Captain Righteous refuses to give up to the kataha-jime by Tong Fairtex. These guys have gone nearly an hour, and Honor Knight is now bleeding profusely. Syrus Wilder rocks back on the Red Eye with Honor Knight’s head and neck, peeling it backwards.

Richie Richardson checks in with Righteous who continues to hang on. Then he turns to Honor Knight who has gone limp

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder rocks back on Honor Knight’s head and neck, peeling it backwards. Milligan tests Honor Knight’s arm and lets it fall! He signals that Honor Knight can no longer continue!

Greg Jin: “At 57 minutes, 37 seconds, Honor Knight has been eliminated by Syrus ‘The Steam Whistle’ Wilder!!”

Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous is now without his spaceship! That’s gotta be a debilitating feeling.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Most wrestlers are without their spaceship, Phil. But it’s now down to three men. Tong Fairtex, Captain Righteous, and Syrus “The Steam Whistle” Wilder, who just eliminated his third man.

The fans chant “SYRUS!! SYRUS!! SYRUS!!” Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. tries to convince Honor Knight to leave but he’s not budging

Guillermo O’Bannon: Former Hardkore Women’s Champion Lady Liberty now down at ringside, trying to convince Honor Knight to leave his…passenger, Captain Righteous.

Syrus Wilder gets a running start and then flying headbutts Captain Righteous while he’s in the tazmission

Guillermo O’Bannon: Railroad Spike by Syrus Wilder while Captain Righteous is in the kataha-jime!

Captain Righteous’ eyes cross from the Railroad Spike. A bleeding Honor Knight finally agrees to go with Lady Liberty

Phillip Blauer: I see cooler heads have prevailed, and Honor Knight now leaving the ringside area. It’s tough to find transportation devices that loyal. If only Guillermo’s Toyota Rav 4 with the sunroof that won’t close felt like that towards me.

Guillermo O’Bannon: It worked before you took it to San Diego. Syrus Wilder picks him up and grabs a chicken wing on Righteous

While Captain Righteous is trapped in that hammerlock, Tong Fairtex hits him in the midsection with a few muay thai knees.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tong Fairtex chicken wing suplexes Captain Righteous onto his own arm!

Captain Righteous clutches his elbow, and kicks his toes into the mat. He gets to his feet as Wilder runs at him with a full head of steam

Guillermo O’Bannon: Flying body press by Syrus Wilder on Captain Righteous with that nearly 300 pounds!

…ONE!


…TWO!


...Captain Righteous kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder irish whips Captain Righteous but he counters and shoots him into Syrus Wilder, who he takes out with a running knee strike!

Tong Fairtex runs at Captain Righteous, but Righteous catches him with a swinging side slam backbreaker. Fairtex writhes on the mat in pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder pulls Tong Fairtex up in a full nelson, and then sits out into a bubba bomb!

Captain Righteous pulls Fairtex’s head into his legs, and then lifts him up into a piledriver

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous drops Tong Fairtex on his head with a stiff piledriver!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Tong Fairtex kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder leg drops the back of Captain Righteous’ head while he’s still covering Fairtex.

Captain Righteous rolls over and Wilder stomps his right leg, then his right arm, then his left arm, then his left leg, then his chest, and then finally his face

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Piston Stomp! Syrus Wilder pulls Tong Fairtex up and irish whips him into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena pops and a stunned Tong Fairtex staggers out of the barbed wire into Wilder’s russian sickle

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Cattle Catcher!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 1 hour, 3 minutes 28 seconds…Tong Fairtex has been eliminated by Syrus ‘The Steam Whistle’ Wilder!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s now down to Syrus Wilder and Captain Righteous! Wilder has tied Andrew Karnage’s 2007 record of four eliminations as well as Rat Bastard earlier tonight. He eliminated Tong Fairtex, Honor Knight, Deacon Oldham, and Billy Striker while Captain Righteous has eliminated Daniel Ackerman and Scorpion.

Syrus Wilder slowly gets to his feet but before he can Captain Righteous takes him down with a jumping crescent kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous chop blocks Wilder’s knee from behind!

Syrus Wilder yelps out in pain and collapses to the mat, holding his knee

Guillermo O’Bannon: Righteous applies an inverted indian deathlock! He does a push up to put pressure on Wilder’s twisted knees. Syrus Wilder tweaked his knee training with his father the legendary John “Catman” Wilder, and Righteous may be trying to cash in on that injury.

Phillip Blauer: Look, John Wilder is one of a long line of charlatans that promise to train young aspiring wrestlers, then injure them and take their money. Captain Righteous can’t help that.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s not what happened. It’s his own son first of all…

Phillip Blauer: Which makes it all the more sad.

The Honolulu crowd jeers as Tommy Milligan asks Syrus Wilder if he wants to give up but he shakes his head, refusing to tap out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous finally releases the inverted indian deathlock but the damage has been done. He waits for Wilder to limp to his feet, and then clocks him with a Captain Righteous punch!

Captain Righteous slides under the barbed wire and then climbs up to the top turnbuckle, waving to the booing audience. Wilder hobbles up to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Captain Righteous hits Syrus Wilder with a missile dropkick!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Syrus Wilder kicks out!

Righteous goes to pull Syrus Wilder up, but Syrus kicks him between the legs in the groin, popping the crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: Mind The Gap! Syrus Wilder ties up their legs and russian leg sweeps them both into the barbed wire!!

The audience cheers loudly. Both men’s faces are masks of pain as they lie against the barbed wire

Phillip Blauer: Why would that big dumb animal do that??

Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s sacrificing his own body to inflict pain on the ruthless Captain Righteous.

Phillip Blauer: He really needs to get that money back from his Dad for training him. Buy himself some snazzier overalls.

A now bleeding Syrus Wilder slowly limps to his feet. Captain Righteous has a small trickle of blood coming down from his hairline. He pulls Righteous up, and scoops him up on his shoulder. Wilder drops to his knees in a tombstone

Guillermo O’Bannon: Coal Shovel!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Captain Righteous gets his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder throwing everything he has at the Hardkore Superhero, trying to put him away and win Helloween #3 so he can team with Kilroy Evans and on Rat Bastard in the Road to Helloween.

Syrus Wilder wipes some blood from his brow and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He dives off with a flying headbutt

Guillermo O’Bannon: Railroad Spike!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THR- Captain Righteous gets his shoulder up!

The audience groans at how close the count was

Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous gets his shoulder up faster than a speeding locomotive.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder applies his Iron Claw!

The fans erupt but Wilder seems to be still experiencing pain in his hand

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilder doesn’t have it cinched in properly and again has to abandon it. He instead tries to press Righteous over his head, but his knee gives out!

Righteous falls to the mat with a hard thud. Blood flows down the face of Syrus Wilder as he motions for Captain Righteous to get to his feet. The audience joins him and gets louder and louder

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder charges in with a football tackle, but Captain Righteous gets out of the way, and Wilder runs head first into the barbed wire!!

The audience yells “NO!” as Syrus is stuck in the barbed wire, some of his hair caught in the barbs. Captain Righteous checks his forehead and his hand comes back with blood on it. He looks at it horrified, gagging a little

Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous does not look happy.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He had to expect to get a little bloody in a match like this?

Phillip Blauer: I think he expected to beat everyone in 5 minutes flat.

Captain Righteous' face flashes with anger and he violently pulls Syrus Wilder and his hair out of the barbed wire. He starts recklessly headbutting Wilder over and over

Guillermo O’Bannon: Of Righteous Gods!! He continues to headbutt Wilder until he goes limp in Righteous’ arms! He makes the cover!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

"For the Damaged Coda" by Blonde Redhead plays and the audience boos and jeers. Captain Righteous stands up, still staring down at Syrus Wilder with an odd expression

Phillip Blauer: Captain Righteous has done it!

Greg Jin: “At 1 hour 13 minutes 16 seconds; THE WINNER OF HELLOWEEN #3…CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syrus Wilder had a couple of injuries he was dealing with and comes up just short, and Captain Righteous was able to capitalize with Of Righteous Gods to win Helloween #3.

Tommy Milligan holds up Captain Righteous’ arm in victory, but Righteous quickly tears it from his grasp. He smiles and waves and the heckling Hawaiians

Guillermo O’Bannon: And how about this for a turn of events? Captain Righteous now goes on to team with the man who he cost the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, Kilroy Evans, to take on Rat Bastard and the winner of Helloween #4 in The Road to Helloween. How about that for a tag team?

Phillip Blauer: If Kilroy even thinks of pulling something on his trusted tag team partner I swear I’ll…

Guillermo O’Bannon: You’ll what? Marry another rich woman, kill her, and use the money to form another stable to make his life miserable? You’re fresh out of wives. You sleep under my ironing board. Fans, stay tuned for the final Helloween to see who will wrestle in The Road to Helloween!

[Kilroy]

{The camera shot cuts to a concession are with its shutter down. Suddenly, it flies up, revealing a somewhat cleaned up Kilroy Evans tending to it like it's his own little burger stand. He waves the camera over jovially. The puncture wounds on his forehead make for an especially distracting sight for someone in a foodservice environement.}

Kilroy Evans: As the farmer said to the three deep holes: well, well, well! A big ol' surprise turned out to be someone showing up to take me down specifically. What a tremendous and unprecedented event for me.

{Kilroy smiles as he wipes his hands on his formerly white, very bloody apron and then claps them together.}

Kilroy Evans: But I'm sure that's all taken care of and won't be an issue going forward. NEVER IS!

{Kilroy laughs a little too hard after saying that, his eyelid stress twitching for no discernible reason. Still, he looks pretty genuinely happy about his circumstances.}

Kilroy Evans: Still, I feel pretty happy about the circumstances I find myself in. Part one is down, part two is a go! And it looks like I've got a super guy in my corner for the tag match, too!

{Kilroy smiles and wiggles his eyebrows to punctuate his pun. The stab wounds from the fork really bounce around, too.}

Kilroy Evans: Don't you worry, Righty-Tighty. If there's one thing you need to know about me, is that I'm a team player, through and through. You ain't got nothin' to worry about, the EMTs are gonna end carryin' the other guys out. I do so solemnly swear that to you.

{Kilroy tries to hold up the Boy Scouts' hand signal, but seems to have trouble holding his fingers up steadily to do it. After a couple of tries, he just stops and gives a thumbs up.}

Kilroy Evans: See? Despite what you seem to think, no supervillain in disguise here. Just some horribly violent schmuck trying to live his best in-ring life here. So if you want a shot at that world title you seem to be drooling over, just make sure you've got my back too.

{Kilroy leans into the camera, hand to the side of his face to give an aside.}

Kilroy Evans: Maybe toss me one of those domino masks, too. I should probably protect my secret identity while I'm being threatened by an insane sheik and his Sudanese hitman. {points} You might need one, too. They're villainous and dastardly enough to attack my sidekick to get to me...those sick bastards. I'd keep an eye out during the match because, if they take me out, your chances of advancing go with me. So what do you say? Can me an' the Cap'n make it happen?! Let's go out there and save the world. And by world, I mean our violent self-interests!

{Kilroy wipes the counter down and whips the towel over his shoulder. He looks into the camera with a big, unsettling smile.}

Kilroy Evans: We can settle everything else in the finals. Oh! Almost forgot!

{Kilroy hangs a chalkboard above the counter. It's been stylized with the Hardkore World logo in the Bob's Burger's font and below, it reads:

Burger Of The Day:

Sheik, Rattled & Rolled*
- Served On Capt. Righteous Super White Bread
*Does not come with utensils.}

???: Hey!

{Kilroy looks over as a man in EVENT STAFF clothing steps into shot.}

Angry Event Staffer: We told you guys to stay in the designated areas and concessions is off limits!

{He looks over out of shot.}

Angry Event Staffer: Get him gone!

{Hardkore World security rushes into the concession stand and immediately dog pile Kilroy. There's a brief scuffle before security drags Kilroy out of the stand and by the camera. Kilroy nonchalantly looks over at the Event Staff guy.}

Kilroy Evans: Alright, we'll agree to disagree. {to security} You guys mind dragging me over to gorilla? I'm gonna have to be back out in the ring soon-ish.

{Security looks at each other and shrug before doing just that as the shot cuts elsewhere.}

[Jonnie Valentine]

Fade up on Guillermo and Phil

Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is the final Helloween to decide the Road to Helloween match! Sworn enemies, Kilroy Evans and Captain Righteous on one side, Rat Bastard and the winner of this next Helloween on the other!

“Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor Doctor)” by Robert Palmer plays and the audience jeers as Dr. X walks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: The mysterious Dr. X.

Phillip Blauer: He hides his shame with that mask because he was once a male nanny. Can you imagine that? A man…Raising children? Anyway, he had an upper class woman as his boss, as well as her horny mother. One sometimes had to wonder Who’s The Boss?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, her.

Phillip Blauer: Hmm?

Guillermo O’Bannon: She’s the boss. She’s paying him for child care services.

Phillip Blauer: Yes, but he’s a man. So who’s the boss?

Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s her. She’s paying him, he works for her. She’s the boss.

Phillip Blauer: No, you’re not understanding. He’s a man, but she’s his employer, so it leads you to ask Who’s The…

Yolanda Ando and Guillermo: (together) It’s her!!

Phillip Blauer: Jury’s out.

Yolanda Ando: Dr. X wears a white mask with an X across it, black singlet, black boots. A forearm pad from an old injury.

Phillip Blauer: Poor chum. I hope he gets better. That thing’s been nagging him for three of four years. Like Yolanda over here, eh? (elbows Guillermo)

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ow, dammi, Phil! Why are your elbows so pointy?

Phillip Blauer: The Blauers are a long line of razor elbowed gentleman. We Make No Apologies For Our Jagged Elbows is our family’s creed.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is a Helloween #3, a barbed wire falls count anywhere battle royal. Your referee is Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson. Your outside official is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 245 pounds…DR.X!!!”

The audience boos.

Phillip Blauer: See, no one likes male nannies.

Traditional Tuvalu folk music - remixed into a techno beat - plays over the PA system

Phillip Blauer: What is this nonsense?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, there are other kinds of music you know.

Phillip Blauer: Hogwash.

A shapely leg teases the curtain seductively, before Nese Siose finally pushes through - drawing back the fabric to reveal the mammoth Sami Ielemia, and wild Waintau Laloniu. Hardkore Tuvalu are led down the aisle by their scantily clad manager.as the Oceania Warrior makes his way out of the back. Walking down the aisle, Paisi slaps his hands fans - but his eyes suggest that there should be more adoring masses

Guillermo O’Bannon: The islands that make up the world's fourth smallest country boast a population of 11,396 as of 2023. These numbers make it very hard to support a full time wrestling promotion - but the Oceania Rising Federation made a go of touring with their seven workers. When Hardkore World came a knocking, looking to expand into Oceania - OSF happily rebranded expecting a level of governing body support that would be physically impossible. Their miniscule market could never justify having Syberus or Matthew X show up for multiple shows on a monthly basis. With a sense of betrayal that suggests they are out of touch with reality, and deeply embittered, the remaining stars of Hardkore Tuvalu tour the rest of this Hardkore World, always looking for fresh meat to take their nonsensical grievances out on.

Phillip Blauer: Good. Bunch of real ingrates around here.

Greg Jin: “Accompanied to the ring by their manager Nese Siose and bodyguard, Waintau Laloniu; From Funafuti, Tuvalu; First, Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 234 pounds…APISAI PAISI!! His partner, Standing 6 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds…SAMI IELEMIA!!! They are HARDKORE TUVALU!!!”

Hardkore Tuvalu gets a mixed reaction

“Bird’s Lament” by Moondog plays and Moondog Dook staggers out, barking at the audience with the chain around his neck

Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook has some experience, albeit brief with Hardkore Helloween when he accompanied “Giant” Baba O’Reilly to the ring in Cleveland at Hardkore Helloween 2005.

Phillip Blauer: I remember it like it was yesterday. In that, I don’t recall much about yesterday either.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook is definitely a dark horse in this kind of event, due to his proclivity for violence.

Greg Jin: “From Parts Unknown, Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”

The Honolulu audience boos

“Rink Hat” by The Hanson Brothers plays and “Rink Rat” Joseph Hart stands on the stage in a Hardkore World hockey jersey and holds his hands up to the cheering fans

Phillip Blauer: Who’s the bozo that thinks it’s time to skate?

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is “Rink Rat” Joseph Hart, a former amatuer hockey player.

Phillip Blauer: Oooh, la-di-da.

Joseph Hart rushes to the ring, and sliding under the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: He was a shoo-in for an NHL career, actually managing to get drafted by the New York Islanders in the 3rd round of the 2016 NHL Draft.

Phillip Blauer: How come I’ve never heard of him? I know every third round draft pick of every sport there is.

Yolanda Ando: That’s…weird. Joseph Hart has a brown haircut in a crew cut, with a clean-shaven face, a rather visible scar above the left eyebrow. He wears a custom made Hardkore World hockey jersey, black jeans with splotches of white paint on the legs and has the fingers on hit left hand taped.White boot with blue kick pads

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Well, Phil, a series of injuries and personal problems prevented him from ever making it out of the minors.

Phillip Blauer: Oh, the old “demons” excuse, eh? How come I’ve never seen a promo of his?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joseph Hart suffers with the speech impediment known as rhotacism, but is currently in speech therapy to correct this.

Phillip Blauer: Now I’m supposed to feel bad about saying that? Now I’m supposed to ask what kind of person makes fun of someone with a speech problem? No sale, mister.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joseph Hart is actually a first cousin of Joe Nobody, who’s also in this match.

Phillip Blauer: Jeez louise, how many Joes does that family have?

Greg Jin: “From Mississauga, Ontario, Canada; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 224 pounds…’THE RING RAT’ JOSEPH HART!!!”

“Playing With Fire” by Ovidiu Cernăuțeanu plays and Leonard van Dam runs out to an adoring crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam was last in this event in 2009, when he lasted 23 minutes, eliminating Dave Brickheart before being eliminated by Tong Fairtex, all the while JoJo Sushi was singing Leonard’s theme music in Dutch over the PA.

Phillip Blauer: Well, everyone’s had to do that at some point, right?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No. Leonard was none too happy about wrestling in this event, as he still has pains in his body from the Hardkore Helloween he did 15 years ago.

Yolanda Ando: Leonard van Dam wears overalls with open shirts underneath with black boots. Underneath, he wears brief trunks with the Dutch flag on the butt.

Greg Jin: “Originally from Rotterdam in the Netherlands, now making his home in Cape Town, South Africa; Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 225 pounds…LEONARD VAN DAM!!!”

The audience cheers

“Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top plays and the SimpliFi Arena cheers. Tuxedo Mask steps through the curtain with the Hardkore California Championship around his waist and the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship over his shoulder, but instead of his crown he wears an Abe Lincoln hat with his cape with a scepter. He stands at the side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak in the pop. Joe Nobody walks out next and Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a nice tight shot of his face. Joe smirks and adjusts his tie and then his Hardkore World Tag Team Championship. Tux walks to the other side of the ramp and pumps up the fans with his scepter to cheer him on that side as well.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore Tag Team Champions, The Sharp Dressed Men are here! They have a big advantage in this match as they can work as a team. Tuxedo Mask was last in Hardkore Helloween on 2022, when he lasted 48 minutes, eliminating Ruben Bowman before being eliminated by Kira Izumi. Before that he was Hardkore Helloween 2009, where he lasted 36 minutes before being eliminated by Shadowstorm.

Phillip Blauer: Isn’t that a guy from GI Joe?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hmm? Probably, we used to have a lot of guys on that show.

Joe begins making his way to the ring. Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to start his entrance, popping the crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody was in this event last year where he lasted 32 minutes and was the final man eliminated by “The Punisher Dan Stein. But this year, he feels more acclimated to the Hardkore style, and thinks he has what it takes to win his Helloween, especially with his tag team partner Tux at his side.

Nobody makes it up two steps, he stops. He turns around to give a Hawaiian kid in a dracula costume in the front row his signature fedora.

Phillip Blauer: Watch out, that kid looks cute but now he has a fedora that will naturally disarm anyone into thinking they can invite him in. Then he sucks your blood.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody takes all the competitors in this match very seriously…

Phillip Blauer: Even Dr. X?!?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Apparently.

Nobody and Tuxedo Mask slide under the barbed wire. Tux climbs the turnbuckle and holds up his two belts for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match. Joe Nobody points at the crowd before clapping his hands together

Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody admits that even his own tag team partner Tux could be in his crosshairs, as there are no friends in this match.

Phillip Blauer: Is that why you’re so mean to me during it?

Guillermo O’Bannon: No, I’m mean to you because you won’t move out of my house and you put my kids goldfish in the pool.

Phillip Blauer: In my defense, they looked very happy before the pool guy poured shock in there.

Yolanda Ando: Joe Nobody wears a white button up shirt, black tie, black vest with the words "Nobody is Perfect" on the back. He has black boots with white accents of toe and heels, and black pants. Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.

Greg Jin: “From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 195 pounds, He is The Prince of Perfection…JOE NOBODY!! His partner is from Tokushima, Japan. Standing 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE CALIFORNIA CHAMPION; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure... TUXEDO MASK!!! They are The Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SHARP DRESSED MEN!!!”

The fans cheer

“Blessed Up” by Wande plays and Alexander von Blankenship steps from behind the curtain, a cocky smirk on his smug face. Hasbulla follows behind, blowing his whistle. von Blankenship holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is Alexander von Blankenship’s second Helloween. He was in last year’s where he lasted 18 minutes before being eliminated by “The Punisher” Dan Stein.

Phillip Blauer: You know, alot of people call him the young-er Phil Blauer.

Yolanda Ando: No one calls him that.

Phillip Blauer: Well, they really should.

Ayy, I got the moves
Bearing that fruit and now I got the juice (juice!)
God has been cooking, now I got the soup
Put this together, yo, really
He clever, I cannot do better

Alexander von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl. AVB motions for Hasbulla to go first, and then von Blankenship follows behind, slowly walking towards the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Why don’t you complain about how long his song goes on like you do with everyone else?

Phillip Blauer: I like this little ditty. You don’t hear too many sci-fi songs these days in the vein of “Major Tom” (singing) “Blast up, blast up, we like to blast up, blast up.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship has thrown his hat into politics and become Trump’s pick to head up his security.

Phillip Blauer: I think that’s just keen. Kids these days are so wrapped up in TokTiks and snapping their likes but this young go-getter is interested in improving this great nation of ours. Why one day we could be telling people that our President used to be in The Philthy Rich.

von Blankenship points to random fans, stating loudly "I'm better than you" as he goes by fans holding up signs like “Rat Boy”, “AVB Has A Train Ticket To The Hospital”, “Always Very Bloody” in AVB’s logo, and “AVB is Rubbish”. Hasbulla smacks away the fans that try to touch him.

Phillip Blauer: I wonder if he and Leonard van Dam will be teaming up during this?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Why, because they're Dutch?

Phillip Blauer: Oh, they are? I just thought they were brothers.

Alexander von Blankenship walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets into the ring. He gives the ring the sign of the cross before stepping inside.

Yolanda Ando: AVB is wearing his special PPV gear of white satin boxing trunks, trimmed in dark blue, with “Blessed” written across the waist band.

Greg Jin: "Accompanied to the ring by Hasbulla; He hails from Amsterdam, in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds; He is brought to you by Liquid Death, who tells you to ‘Murder Your Thirst’. He is The Duivel Of Amsterdam, The Nuisance from the Netherlands; Always Very Blessed;…ALEXANDER von BLANKENSHIP…AVB!!”

The audience boos

The opening lines of “No Recognition” by Aaron May play as we pan across the SimpliFi Arena looking for That Stone Cold Killa

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone is set to make his debut in Hardkore World.

The man known as Wildcat Capone is found kicking out a door on the upper decks of the SimpliFi Arena. He comes with birds out, already pissed at the world. IRN FST goes down the stairs into hostile territory, fighting his way through the crowd. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. rushes out to subdue the rowdy fans

Phillip Blauer: Lare Bear has to put that fire out. People can’t think they can lay their grubby hands on this poet of the streets, this enticing paramour, this Skat Kat.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat.

Phillip Blauer: Hmm?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat. Skat Kat is the animated cat from the Paul Abdul video for “Opposites Attract”.

Phillip Blauer: Is that so?

Pushing and shoving his way through the sea of humanity, Wildcat Capone makes his way down the stairs and onto the floor. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. is seen talking into his radio for back up

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is getting ugly here in Honolulu.

Phillip Blauer: I tend to agree, Wildcat Capone may have underestimated the Samoan population of this crowd.

Capone continues antagonizing and fighting his way through the crowd. He gets over the barricade and gets a joint from behind his ear

Phillip Blauer: Now this is legal now, which cuts down on the edginess of this moment.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure your first Hardkore Helloween is when you want to get high, but it clearly looks like some sort of ritual he has.

Wildcat Capone lights it up and smokes it like a cigar as he paces back and forth.

Phillip Blauer: The man is about to be tossed into barbed wire, allow him this.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok. Wildcat Capone hails from the rough section of Lexington. A former gang member, he has trained to become a wrestler and tonight he makes his debut for Hardkore World in a match where he could earn a shot at Hardkore World Champion Marty Donvoan.

Capone walks around the ring, looking in. He slides under the barbed wire

Yolanda Ando: Wildcat Capone wheres a University of Kentucky basketball jerseys with jeans and fresh Jordan 1's.

Wildcat flips off the Honolulu fans again to get a chorus of boos. He does a hula dance and the jeers and heckling get deafening

Phillip Blauer: Oh, come on, that’s pretty funny.

Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s highly offensive, Phil.

Phillip Blauer: Look, he was in a gang, he probably didn’t even have a childhood. Just let the kid do a hula dance/

Wildcat Capone cursing at several ringsiders and encourages them to come into the ring and do something. Larry Valentine Jr. and his security team create a human wall to discourage the idea. Capone turns and stares daggers towards his opponents.

Greg Jin: "From Lexington, Kentucky; Standing 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 208 pounds; The Stone Cold Killa…WILDCAT CAPONE!!!”

The Honolulu fans rain boos down Wildcat Capone. He ignores them, going dead silent and fully focused

---

Helloween #4

Wildcat Capone

Alexander Von Blankenship

Joe Nobody

Tuxedo Mask

Leonard van Dam

“Rink Rat” Joseph Hart

Moondog Dook

Sami Ielemia

Apisai Paisi

Dr. X

---

The bell rings and Leonard van Dam hits Sami Ielemia in the chest with a knife edge chop

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dr. X tries to lock up with Alexander von Blankenship but AVB pokes him in the eyes. “Rink Rat” Joseph Hart takes Dr. X over in a hip toss. Moondog Dook headbutts Joe Nobody, but Tuxedo Mask catches Dook with a roundhouse enzuigiri!

The SimpliFi Arena cheers. Leonard van Dam irish whips Apisai Paisi but Paisi reverses it and shoots Leo into big Sami Ielemia who back body drops van Dam

Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re seeing the team work early here. Joe Nobody arm drags Moondog Dook. Apisai Paisi grabs a side headlock on Leonard van Dam.

Wildcat Capone slugs AVB with a right hand. Sami Ielemia irish whips Joseph Hart into the turnbuckles

Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody arm drags Moondog Dook a second time. Sami Ielemia smashes a knee into Hart’s midsection while he’s in the corner.

Dr. X grabs Dook in a front facelock, and then slams an elbow into his lower back. Apisai Paisi takes Leonard van Dam to the mat with a side headlock takeover.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Apisai Paisi grinds that headlock on Leonard van Dam on the mat. Moondog Dook grabs Alexander von Blankenship and bites him!

The Honolulu crowd roars as AVB runs in place from the pain. Joseph Hart takes Wildcat Capone over in an arm drag

Phillip Blauer: Now AVB needs a tetanus shot. And probably rabies.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam works his way to his feet with Apisai Paisi hanging onto that headlock. Tuxedo Mask snap suplexes Alexander von Blankenship.

Moondog Dook goes over to a corner where his chain is, and picks it up. Sami Ielemia tries to give Joe Nobody the big boot, but Nobody catches his leg and takes him down to the mat with a dragon screw

Phillip Blauer: Moondog Dook has that chain!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Dam atomic drops Paisi into the barbed wire!!

The audience cheers. Tuxedo Mask pulls Alexander von Blankenship up, but he stomps on Tux’s foot

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone kicks Joseph Hart in the stomach. Leonard van Dam smashes Paisi’s face back into the barbed wire!!

Apisai Paisi covers his face as blood leaks through his fingers. Moondog Dook wraps the chain around Joe Nobody’s throat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook choking Joe Nobody with that filthy chain he carries around! Leonard van Dam twists Dr. X’s arm.

von Blankenship takes a swing at Tuxedo Mask, but Tux hits a split and punches AVB in the groin. Leonard van Dam gives Dr. X’s arm a second twist.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask goes for a suplex but AVB blocks it. Apisai Paisi goes over both of them and rolls Tux back into a sunset flip!

…ONE!


…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook continues to hold Nobody with the chain, so it is safe for AVB to come over and slap Joe across the face!

Sami Ielemia grabs Leonard van Dam by the arm and pulls him into a shortarm clothesline. Dr. X stomps Tuxedo Mask

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rink Rat” Joseph Hart cracks Moondog Dook with a european uppercut. Joe uses Dook’s own chain, to wrap across his neck and drop back into a russian leg sweep!

The SimpliFi Arena pops. Wildcat Capone slugs Dr. X across the face with a right hook. Dr. X responds with a headbutt to Capone’s forehead

Guillermo O’Bannon: That mask may be loaded.

Phillip Blauer: That’s right, loaded with intelligence.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Apisai Paisi takes Moondog Dook over in a fireman’s carry.
Wildcat Capone floors Dr. X with a kawada kick!

Sami Ielemia grabs Moondog Dook in a reverse chinlock. Alexander von Blankenship scoops Dr. X up and backs up towards the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship fallaway slams Dr. X into the barbed wire!!

The audience boos as Dr. X gets caught in the barbed wire, and some of it tears his mask. Blood leaks out through the mask

Phillip Blauer: I believe the barbed wire was Too Close for Comfort!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Dr. X gets to his knees but Joe Nobody tags him in the side of the head with a shining wizard! Meanwhile, Sami Ielemia tightens up on the chinlock, wearing down Moondog Dook.

Leonard van Dam hits Joe Nobody with a standing dropkick. Tuxedo Mask grabs Joseph Hart in a side headlock, and then walks over to the corner

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop bulldog on Joseph Hart!

Tuxedo Mask pulls Joseph Hart up into a suplex position, but Hart blocks it. Joseph Hart counters with a vertical suplex of his own. Alexander von Blankenship crouches in the corner, waiting for Dr. X to get to his feet. When he does, AVB charges in and knocks X out with a superman punch

Guillermo O’Bannon: Baptism by Alexander von Blankenship to Dr. X!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 8 minutes 21 seconds, Dr. X has been eliminated by Alexander von Blankenship!!”

Hasbulla obnoxiously blows his whistle in triumph on the outside of the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone twirls and tattoos a busted open Apisai Paisi with a roaring elbow that knocks him to the mat!

Moondog Dook picks up his chain, and walks over to Sami Ielemia. Dook lashes Ielemia across the back with the chain. The Honolulu audience boos

Phillip Blauer: Watch it with that thing! It has a ton of rust and hepatitis on it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rink Rat” Joseph Hart takes out Leonard van Dam with a flying shoulder tackle! Sami Ielemia arches his back in pain as Moondog Dook whips him across the back with his chain again!!

Dook pulls Apisai Paisi up and irish whips him, but reverses it and shoots Paisi towards Sami Ielemia

lermo O’Bannon: Sami Ielemia back drops Moondog Dook over the barbed wire to the floor below!

The audience boos. Moondog Dook slowly gets to his feet. Tuxedo Mask gets a running start

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask baseball slides under the barbed wire and catches Moondog Dook with a helicopter rana!!

The SimpliFi Arena roars. Outside official Kelly O’Connell rushes to get into position to make the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Moondog Dook kicks out!

Inside the ring, Joe Nobody catches Wildcat Capone from behind with a full nelson

Guillermo O’Bannon: Nobody with a release dragon suplex on Wildcat Capone! Apisai Paisi grabs Alexander von Blankenship in a headlock, and running bulldogs his face into the mat!

Hasbulla blows his whistle in protest. Apisai Paisi turns around into a standing dropkick from Leonard van Dam. Joe Nobody grabs AVB in a front facelock and climbs to the second turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody goes for a tornado DDT, but Alexander von Blankenship turns it into a spinebuster!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Joe Nobody kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam goes for a DDT of his own but Apisai Paisi lifts him up into a fireman’s carry and samoan drops him!

Phillip Blauer: More commonly known over there as a Tuvalu Drop.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sure, ok. Hardkore Tuvalu now double teaming Leonard van Dam. Sami Ielemia nails him in the throat with an asiatic spike!

Leonard van Dam flops around on the mat, clutching his throat. Blood drips down Apisai Paisi’s face, and he turns around into a gut punch by Joseph Hart. On the floor, Tuxedo Mask lifts Moondog Dook up for a back suplex but he’s too heavy

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here at ringside, Moondog Dook bulldogs Tuxedo Mask’s throat on the guardrail, falling into the front row! Inside the ring, Sami Ielemia lifts Leonard van Dam up on his shoulders for a samo-...

Phillip Blauer: Tuvalu Drop.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The point is moot because Leonard van Dam takes him down into a crucifix cradle!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Apisai Paisi stomps Leonard van Dam!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Apisai Paisi instinctually saves his partner there. Out on the floor, Tuxedo Mask ducks a right hands thrown from the crowd by Moondog Dook, and atomic drops his groin on the guardrail!

The audience cheers. Joe Nobody slides under the barbed wire and climbs to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody missile dropkicks a perched Moondog Dook on the railing from the top rope!!

The Honolulu fans erupt with chants of “JOE! JOE! JOE!” as Joe Nobody and Moondog Dook lie in the front row of the audience together. Fans help Kelly O’Connell step over the guardrail into the audience

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship scoops Apisai Paisi up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker. Wildcat Capone has Sami Ielemia in the corner and is battering his midsection with stiff kicks.

Tuxedo Mask helps Joe Nobody to his feet. Joe waits for Moondog Dook to stand up in the front row of the audience, then runs and catches him with a running STO

Guillermo O’Bannon: Denial of Perfection by Joe on Dook on the concrete in the front row!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes 41 seconds, Moondog Dook has been eliminated by Joe Nobody!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is now on the top turnbuckle, and he jumps off, catching Apisai Paisi with a dragon rana!!

Joe Nobody steps over the guardrail into the ringside area, and then slides under the barbed wire back into the ring. Leonard van Dam comes over to the corner with Wildcat Capone and lands some kicks to Sami Ielemia’s stomach as well

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rink Rat” Joseph Hart hits Sami Ielemia in the corner with a running knee strike.

Phillip Blauer: The men are all ganging up on the biggest man in this match.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody grabs a stunned Sami Ielemia in the corner and drills his head into the mat with a tornado DDT!

Alexander von Blankenship twists a bleeding Apisai Paisi into a swinging neckbreaker

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone catches AVB from behind with a sleeper hold! Joseph Hart runs at Sami Ielemia, but Ielemia catches him with a sidewalk slam!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Joseph Hart kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Capone thrashes Alexander von Blankenship from side to side in that sleeper hold. Leonard van Dam pulls Apisai Paisi up, but Paisi kicks him in the stomach and drops down into a stunner!

Referee Richie Richardson tests AVB’s arm from that Wildcat Capone sleeper, but he keeps it up. Joe Nobody runs and takes Sami Ielemia out with a jumping calf kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Perfect Placement by Nobody, making Sami Ielemia stagger back into a shiranui seated DDT by Tuxedo Mask!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Sami Ielemia kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone trying to put von Blankenship out with that sleeper, but AVB back pedals and drives Capone’s back into the barbed wire to escape!

Wildcat Capone screams as the barbed wire pierces the skin in his back. AVB barely has time before he turns around into a double ax handle off the top rope by Leonard van Dam

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joseph Hart bulldogs Wildcat Capone out of the barbed wire onto the mat! Sami Ielemia using his boot to choke Alexander von Blankenship in the corner. AVB staggers out into a fameasser by a bloody Apisai Paisi! And then a splash by Sami Ielemia!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Hasbulla blows his whistle in protest of AVB being double teamed to Richie Richardson but to no avail

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam catches Joseph Hart with a scissors kick!

Joe Nobody grabs Apisai Paisi from behind into a half nelson and then drops him into a cutter

Guillermo O’Bannon: ComboBreaker!! A bleeding Wildcat Capone ducks a Leo from Van Dam and counters with a german suplex!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Leonard van Dam rolls his shoulder up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship scoops Hart up and drops him on his knee with a backbreaker. Tuxedo Mask twists Wildcat Capone’s arm and then rolls him into a la majistral cradle!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Wildcat Capone kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB pulls Joseph Hart up into a rear waistlock, but Hart pops him in the eye with a back elbow.

Apisai Paisi gets a running start and then twirls into his spinning fist drop


Guillermo O’Bannon: Lava Flow!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Leonard van Dam kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Apisai Paisi pulls Leonard van Dam up, but van Dam gets his hands under him, and military presses Paisi over his head! He drops Apisai Paisi into the barbed wire!!

The fans cheer and Apisai Paisi flops back to the mat, covering his face where the barbed wire sliced it. Van Dam makes the cover

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 24 minutes 29 seconds, Apisai Paisi has been eliminated by Leonard van Dam!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: In a rage from seeing his partner eliminated, Sami Ielemia presses Leonard van Dam over his head as well, and slams him hard to the mat!

Leonard van Dam sits up from the impact. A bleeding Wildcat Capone gut wrenches Joe Nobody up into a sit out tigerbomb

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Joe Nobody claps his legs together on Capone’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone irish whips Nobody, but Joe reverses it and shoots Capone into Joseph Hart who back body drops Capone high in the air!

Alexander von Blankenship starts slugging Joe Nobody, backing him into the corner. Joseph Hart tries to pull Leonard van Dam up, but Leo drops down to his knees in a jawbreaker, shooting the top of his head through Hart’s jaw

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody starts fighting his way out of the corner, and then rolls AVB around and drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker! Tuxedo Mask does a handspring into a spear that cuts Joseph Hart down!

Nobody pulls von Blankenship up, but AVB tags him in the side of the knees with a few kicks. Tuxedo Mask goes for a suplex, but Joseph Hart blocks it

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Rink Rat” Joseph Hart counters with a snap suplex on Tuxedo Mask. He rolls his hips and gets back to his feet for a second snap suplex. He rolls back up for the Hat Trick snap suplex! Leonard van Dam pushes Sami Ielemia’s face into the barbed wire!!

Blood starts pouring out of Sami Ielemia’s forehead. Leonard van Dam goes for a huracanrana, but Sami Ielemia catches him and drops him into his jackknife powerbomb

Guillermo O’Bannon: Paradise Falls!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Leonard van Dam kicks out!

Joseph Hart sits Tuxedo Mask up on the top turnbuckle and climbs to the second turnbuckle in front of him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship hits Hart with a low blow from behind while he’s on the second turnbuckle!

Tuxedo Mask butterflies Joseph Hart’s arms and then goes over the top with a double underhook sunset bomb

Guillermo O’Bannon: Moonlight Waltz!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 29 minutes 26 seconds, ‘The Rink Rat’ Joseph Hart has been eliminated by Tuxedo Mask!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask eliminates Joe Nobody’s cousin!

Phillip Blauer: Hopefully that causes some sort of rift between these two that can ultimately tear them apart. Fingers crossed.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam has Sami Ielemia in an arm trap crossface. Joe Nobody goes for a suplex, but Wildcat Capone blocks it. Capone counters with a suplex of his own and drops him on his head with a brainbuster!

Meanwhile Alexander von Blankenship snap suplexes Tuxedo Mask. On the outside, Hasbulla blows his whistle incessantly. Van Dam locks his hands underneath Sami Ielemia’s chin, peeling back on his head and arm

Guillermo O’Bannon: Capone irish whips Tuxedo Mask into AVB who catches him with a spinebuster, but Tux counters into a tornado DDT! Blood leaks down Sami’s face as Richie Richardson asks him if he wants to tap out to Leonard van Dam’s arm trap crossface!

Sami Ielemia finally powers out of Leonard’s crossface and slips over into a reverse chinlock. Tuxedo Mask pulls AVB up by the hair

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask throws Alexander von Blankenship face first into the second strand of barbed wire!!

The Honolulu crowd erupts with glee as von Blankenship starts bleeding on to the barbed wire. Sami Ielemia cinches up in the chinlock, trying to wear down Leonard van Dam

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux runs and dives through the ropes into a barbed wire 619!!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a huge pop, and Tux drops to the floor, shaking his hand in pain. Wildcat Capone stomps the back of Sami Ielemia’s head to break up the reverse chinlock he has on Leonard van Dam. Joe Nobody grabs von Blankenship in a rear waistlock and then transitions into a wheelbarrow facebuster

Guillermo O’Bannon: Victory Buster!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone tries to sneak up on him, but Joe Nobody is ready for him with a superkick! Leonard van Dam gets a running start and dives over the barbed wire into a plancha on Tuxedo Mask on the floor!!

Outside official Kelly O’Connell rushes to make the count

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!

Sami Ielemia pulls Alexander von Blankenship up but AVB knees him in the balls

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship now raking Sami Ielemia’s forehead back and forth across that barbed wire, just shredding his flesh and turning him into a sickening mess!!

The audience boos and jeers AVB as he smiles into Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr.’s camera. But Wildcat Capone sneaks up on von Blankenship with a saito suplex

Guillermo O’Bannon: Juicy!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs up onto the apron. He slingshots himself over the ropes and catches Sami Ielemia with a DDT!

Leonard van Dam slides under the barbed wire back into the ring. Joe Nobody kicks AVB in the stomach, and then cradles his leg, lifting von Blankenship up into a fisherman’s buster into an orange crush bomb

Guillermo O’Bannon: Awesome Driver!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Leonard van Dam irish whips Sami Ielemia into a rolling koppo kick by Wildcat Capone

Guillermo O’Bannon: One Less Bitch by Wildcat Capone!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 37 minutes 22 seconds, Sami Ielemia has been eliminated by Wildcat Capone!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam had a hand in eliminating both members of Hardkore Tuvalu!

Phillip Blauer: Making him the top heel in Tuvalu, next to…(checks his notes) hurricanes and climate change.

Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re now down to 5 to see who will team with Rat Bastard to take on Kilroy Evans and Captain Righteous in The Road to Helloween. Leonard van Dam whacks von Blankenship in the chest with both hands with a double chop.

Phillip Blauer: Yes, but why?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam goes for a suplex, but Alexander von Blankenship blocks it. He lifts van Dam up and drops his feet on the barbed wire, ricocheting back into a slingshot suplex!

A bleeding Alexander von Blankenship turns around into an arm drag by Joe Nobody

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody irish whips Alexander von Blankenship into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena reacts with glee. AVB, with a pained expression, falls on his ass against the barbed wire. Hasbulla blows his whistle in protest of Von Blankenship’s treatment on the outside. Tuxedo Mask, sees his opportunity and cartwheel handsprings into a bronco buster against the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxbuster into the barbed wire!!

Tux grinds his junk in Alexander von Blankenship’s face, pushing him farther and farther into the barbed wire. Then he steps aside and Wildcat Capone cracks him with a sliding elbow, smashing him back into the barbed wire

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sliding D into the barbed wire by Wildcat Capone!!

Phillip Blauer: They’re all ganging up on poor AVB! Pick someone else!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam clotheslines Tuxedo Mask! Wildcat Capone floors Joe Nobody with a kawada kick!

Phillip Blauer: That’s more like it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam scoops Tuxedo Mask up and bodyslams him but Tux cradles his leg on the way down into an inside cradle!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Leonard van Dam kicks out!

Tuxedo Mask rolls to his feet and is blindsided by a superkick under his chin by Alexander von Blankenship

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained by AVB! Joe Nobody grabs von Blankenship from behind and sacrifices his own body to save his partner with a russian leg sweep into the barbed wire!!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a collective “OH!!” as both men lie in the twisted wire. Leonard van Dam is distracted by the sight and walks right into a whippersnapper by Wildcat Capone

Guillermo O’Bannon: Chin Check!

Tuxedo Mask pulls Alexander von Blankenship out of the wire, and steps on the backs of his knees, rolling him up into a dragon sleeper mexican surfboard

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxmission!! Wildcat Capone retrieves Joe Nobody out of the barbed wire and tattoos him with some kawada kicks until he falls into the corner!

Tuxedo Mask pulls back on AVB’s head and neck, while pushing up on the backs of his knees with his feet. Joe Nobody comes to life out of the corner and hits Wildcat Capone with a floatover DDT

Guillermo O’Bannon: Status Symbol! Meanwhile, Richie Richardson asks von Blankenship if he wants to tap out to the Tuxmission but AVB’s hanging on. Joe Nobody pulls up a bloody Wildcat Capone up and irish whips him into Leonard van Dam who tiltawhirl suplexes him!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Wildcat Capone kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Leonard van Dam goes for a bearhug suplex, but Wildcat Capone blocks it and slugs Leo in the face. He irish whips van Dam into the barbed wire!!

The audience groans as the popular Leonard van Dam screams in pain from the barbed wire. Van Dam staggers out of the barbed wire right into Wildcat Capone’s overhead belly to belly suplex

Guillermo O’Bannon: To Pimp A Butterfly!!

Phillip Blauer: Is that a book?

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 45 minutes 19 seconds, Leonard van Dam has been eliminated by Wildcat Capone!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone now has scored the last two eliminations.

Phillip Blauer: Maybe now he’ll stop defacing our signs?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone stomps AVB’s stomach in the Tuxmission, and AVB and Tux flop to the mat.

A blood drenched Alexander von Blankenship rolls under the barbed wire to the ringside floor. Capone lifts Joe Nobody up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and then runs to the center of the ring with a death valley driver

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wheelz of Steel!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Tuxedo Mask stomps the back of Capone’s head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Wildcat Capone gets to his feet and punches Tuxedo Mask. Tux ducks a second hook, and he atomic drops Capone on the barbed wire!!

The Honolulu audience winces in unison at Wildcat Capone’s plight, made worse by Tuxedo Mask’s playful slap

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask gets a running start and kangaroo kicks Wildcat Capone to the floor!

Joe Nobody rolls under the barbed wire back up to the apron. He runs along the apron and hops onto the second turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody hops back and hits Wildcat Capone with a missile dropkick off the second turnbuckle on the floor!!

The audience chants “JOE! JOE! JOE!” Joe Nobody hit the concrete hard, and struggles to get to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: The opportunistic Alexander von Blankenship grabs Joe Nobody and snap suplexes him on the hard concrete!

Hasbulla jumps around Joe Nobody jubilantly blowing his whistle. AVB pulls Joe Nobody up to his feet and punches him, but then a very bloody Wildcat Capone comes from behind and punches von Blankenship. But inside the ring, Tuxedo Mask is clamoring for the fans’ attention

Phillip Blauer: What does he want now?

Tuxedo Mask gets a running start and does a no hands sasuke special over the barbed wire onto Wildcat Capone, AVB, and Joe Nobody

Guillermo O’Bannon: Twilight Dance that takes everyone out!! He makes the cover on Wildcat Capone!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 49 minutes 42 seconds, Wildcat Capone has been eliminated by Tuxedo Mask!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re down to the final three, and unfortunately for Alexander von Blankenship, it’s him against the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, The Sharp Dressed Men.

Phillip Blauer: Thank goodness he has the ability to call his Dad for help.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He does not have that ability.

Phillip Blauer: But…he’s just a child.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He is not a child, Phil. Case in point, he scoops Joe Nobody up and slams his shoulder into the ringpost!

Joe Nobody lays on the SimpliFi Arena clutching his shoulder. Alexander von Blankenship pokes an oncoming Tux in the eye

Phillip Blauer: He (Curly voice) soint-ent-ly got him with that one.

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB points to the corner post and scoops Tuxedo Mask up, but Tux floats over onto his feet behind him in an inverted facelock. He lifts von Blankenship up into a reverse suplex onto the guardrail!

The Hawaiian crowd comes to life with a huge pop! Von Blankenship holds his stomach, lying in the front row of the audience. Kelly O’Connell steps over the railing out into the crowd. Joe Nobody pulls the railing forward, and then hands Tux a chair as Tuxedo Mask stands up on the apron

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault with the chair that cracks AVB in the face out in the front row!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!

Joe Nobody pulls a chair up to the railing from ringside. He steps onto it, and then steps on the railing as Alexander von Blankenship staggers to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody jumps off with a plancha off the railing…

Phillip Blauer: But AVB caught him!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship fallaway slams Joe Nobody into the fourth row!!

The audience jeers and heckles AVB, who looks like he was hand dipped in blood. He rakes Tuxedo Mask’s eyes with his fingernails, then he grabs a chair from a young fan

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hey! There’s a lot of empty chairs because of this fracas…

Phillip Blauer: I think there’s a lot of empty chairs because Jonnie doesn’t have much of a ground game in Hawaii.

Guillermo O’Bannon: What I mean is he didn’t have to steal that kid’s chair so roughly.

Phillip Blauer: Like you said, there’s plenty of empty chairs for the kid to choose from. He’s probably going to get an upgrade to hard camera.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship rolls Tuxedo Mask into a swinging neckbreaker against the back of that chair!!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a loud “OH!” Tuxedo Mask holds the back of his head, kicking his heels into the floor. Alexander von Blankenship makes the cover in the second row

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Joe Nobody stomps the back of AVB’s head!

Phillip Blauer: This is just getting ridiculous, where is his father?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Joe Nobody with a shining wizard to Alexander von Blankenship’s head as he’s on his knees in the audience!

Nobody pulls Alexander von Blankenship up in a full nelson and calls the kid that got his chair stolen by AVB over

Phillip Blauer: Hey, hey, hey…what does that little brat think he’s doing?

Guillermo O’Bannon: He punches von Blankenship right in the balls!

The Honolulu fans roar and chant “JOE!! JOE!! JOE!!” Joe Nobody slaps the kid’s hand to give him five, and then tussles his hair

Phillip Blauer: Gross, his hands are covered in AVB’s blood. The kid’s hair is spiky like he just rubbed BBQ sauce in there.

Guillermo O’Bannon: No he…oh, yeah. Well, hopefully his parents will be happy with a Joe Nobody t-shirt.

Phillip Blauer: Who would be happy with that?! Send him home with some Phil Phace Cream, it’s great for pre-pubescent nerds like him.

Joe Nobody levels Alexander von Blankenship with a jumping calf kick that takes AVB over a row of chairs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Perfect Placement out in the audience!

Hasbulla is panicking at ringside, blowing his whistle for help. Joe Nobody has to kick the chairs, water bottles, soda cups, and nacho plates aside to get to Alexander von Blankenship

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship comes up swinging, and boy, Nobody is sure stunned.

Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. gets a close up of AVB’s fist and it has a chain wrapped around it

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB hit him with that chain!

Phillip Blauer: And Tux hit him with his balls into some barbed wire, what’s the issue?

The Honolulu audience jeers. Alexander von Blankenship kicks Nobody in the balls, and then pulls him up into a crucifix. He drops Nobody in a razor’s edge into some empty chairs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship hits his father’s Plague out in the 8th row!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Greg Jin: “At 57 minutes 37 seconds, Joe Nobody has been eliminated by Alexander von Blankenship!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Now it is down to AVB and Tuxedo Mask!

Phillip Blauer: Don’t bury the lead! Alexander von Blankenship outlasted the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions illegal double teaming and is now one fall away from teaming with his father in The Road to Helloween.

Guillermo O’Bannon: But he has to do it against one of his oldest foes. Alexander Von Blankenship won a threeway with Tux and Ruben Bowman in October of 2022 for a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title. In December of 2022 in Albuquerque, Tuxedo Mask, Kilroy Evans, and Syberus defeated AVB, Marty Donovan and “The High Roller” Wesley Crane in a texas tornado match where they successfully defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles Tux and Kilroy held. In June of 2024, it was Albuquerque again, where Tuxedo Mask defeated Von Blankenship for the Hardkore California Championship. Then last month in San Francisco, Joe and Tux defeated AVB and his father in a match for the tag team belts.

People part like the red seas as a blood drenched AVB staggers through the crowd back to the ring. Tuxedo Mask slides under the barbed wire back into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander von Blankenship is barely back to ringside before Tuxedo Mask baseball slides under the barbed wire and catches AVB with a helicopter rana on the floor!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Tuxedo Mask rolls Alexander von Blankenship under the barbed wire back into the ring, and then follows him in

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs up to the second turnbuckle, and hops onto the ropes with a split legged moonsault!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask handsprings into a huracanrana! He lifts AVB up into a fireman’s carry, and then spins him out into a TKO on the barbed wire!!

The audience cheers loudly as AVB flops around the mat like a fish out of water. Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux with a corkscrew 450 splash!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Alexander von Blankenship kicks out!

Tuxedo Mask gets up first and sits like a cat ready to pounce. Alexander von Blankenship slowly stands up, and Tux gets underneath him with a saito suplex

Guillermo O’Bannon: TuxPlex ‘99!

Tuxedo Mask pulls a bloody Alexander von Blankenship to his feet, and threads his own arm through his legs. He pumphandles him up into a spinning juvi driver

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Rosegarden piledriver!!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THR- Rat Bastard stomps the back of Tux’s head!

Guillermo O’Bannon: What where did Rat Bastard come from?

Phillip Blauer: I thought you said he wasn’t allowed to help?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, he isn’t…but…I guess nothing is stopping him?!

Rat Bastard covered in gauze, pulls an exhausted Tuxedo Mask into his legs, and flips him up into a razor’s edge

Guillermo O’Bannon: Rat Bastard drops Tux into The Plague!!

The SimpliFi Arena is deafening with boos, and Rat Bastard drags his son’s body by his limp arm over until he’s lightly covering Tux

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is awful, I cannot believe this.

…ONE!


…TWO!


…THREE!!!

Phillip Blauer: And they have done it! The first ever Father-Son tag team makes it to The Road to Helloween!

Greg Jin: “At 1 hour 5 minutes 21 seconds; THE WINNER OF HELLOWEEN #4…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP!!!”

The audience jeers as Rat Bastard helps his son to his feet, and clears some of the blood out of his eyes, explaining to him what happened

Guillermo O’Bannon: As vile as their conduct was to win this, AVB will now go on to team with his father…

Phillip Blauer: What a historic moment!

Guillermo O’Bannon: …against Kilroy Evans and Captain Righteous in The Road to Helloween, but if they are victorious they will have to wrestle one another for The Helloween Cup!

Phillip Blauer: Say what now?

Rat Bastard is mostly dragging his son to the back as soda cups and water bottles bounce off their backs and shoulders, thrown by the angry fans

[Jonnie Valentine]

Fade up on Guillermo and Phil as Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr. take down the barbed wire around the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans now we go with a change of pace, as four of Hardkore Women’s Champion Domino’s top contenders go at it in a tag team match.

"The Olympic Theme" plays and the Olympic Flag appears before dissolving to the American Flag before Olympia's name appears on the tron and red, white and blue pyros explode. “Platinum Goddess” Kelly Wayne and Olympia walk through the ring entrance. Olympia has her head down and a Scottish claymore sword. She raises her head and then Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. hands her an American flag

Phillip Blauer: She has a flag AND a sword?? Sign me up!

Guillermo O’Bannon: For what?

Phillip Blauer: For borrowing her flag and sword. I assume there’s a mandatory waiting period.

“Platinum Goddess” Kelly Wayne walks down to the ring while Olympia marches down to ringside with the American flag before stopping at the ring stairs. She puts the claymore sword into the corner, and then takes the American flag off of its pole. Olympia begins to folds it with respect

Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the debut of “Platinum Goddess” Kelly Wayne, she will be teaming with Olympia who scored a victory over Ai Moe in San Francisco.

Phillip Blauer: Hitching her wagon to the successful Olympia I see. Pretty smart of the Platinum Goddess.

As Kelly Wayne enters the ring, Olympia hands the folded American flag to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. before entering herself.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Two very different backgrounds for these two. While Olympia was an olympic judo and taekwondo athlete, Wayne was a runway model who has appeared in magazine ads.

Phillip Blauer: Yeah, but magazines are just for doctor’s offices now.

Olympia bows to all four corners before taking off her jacket and gold medals

Phillip Blauer: Who is she bowing to? Are there ghosts in those corners? (teeth chattering) H-h-hawaiian g-g-ghosts?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Let go of me, Phil. Kelly Wayne also did a stint as a UFC ring card girl.

Phillip Blauer: I wonder if she can introduce me to Dana White? He’s the Tony Khan of Vince McMahons.

Olympia begins bounding into the ropes to test their tautness

Phillip Blauer: Olympia not so sure about Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr.’s ring construction. A damning indictment.

Olympia goes to her corner with the intensity of a spartan warrior, with an expression on her face and glare in her eyes. She looks at the claymore sword she placed in the corner

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia was perturbed that Ai Moe asked for this sort of rematch after her win in San Francisco that she thought was pretty decisive. She looks forward to proving it tonight with her partner Kelly Wayne.

Phillip Blauer: She needs to call a ghostbuster for that Scottish dump she got talked into taking. It looks drafty too. I bet she has lead pipes.

Yolanda Ando: Olympia wears an Olympic team jacket and when she takes it off, she reveals tight red, white and blue MMA fighting trunks with the American flag on the front, red, white and blue MMA halter top with the Olympic symbol on the front and red, white and blue tassel wrestling boots.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 115 pounds…’THE PLATINUM QUEEN’ KELLY WAYNE!! From Olympia, Washington; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 150 pounds; The former SWAT Amazons Champion…OLYMPIA!!!”

The crowd cheers for Olympia and Kelly Wayne

"Adrenaline" by Rosetta Stone plays as Ri Eun-Ae walks out with Ai Moe. Moe blows kisses and poses for the cheering Honolulu fans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is the three time Hardkore Women’s Champion Ri Eun-Ae and her partner Jet Academy Champion Ai Moe.

Ai Moe makes her way down to the ring giving high fives and handshakes to SimpliFi Arena audience members, as Ri Eun-Ae walks past Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr., she winks and flashes a victory sign

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ri Eun-Ae insists that she’s the power wrestler in this match up and looks forward to proving it to Olympia and her partner “Platinum Queen” Kelly Wayne.

Ri Eun-Ae gets on the apron and poses by flexing. Ai Moe gets into the ring and slaps her butt, while Ri Eun-Ae does the split on the apron. The fans cheer

Phillip Blauer: Ok, ok. We don’t need all the ribaldry. Just drop down, tackle, get it again.

Guillermo O’Bannon: What is your problem?

Phillip Blauer: Oh, they just think they’re so pretty.

Guillermo O’Bannon: So do you.

Phillip Blauer: That’s my problem!

Greg Jin: “And their opponents, from Mito, Ibaraki, Japan; Standing 5 feet tall; Weighing 100 pounds; She is The Love Queen…AI MOE!!! Her partner is from Olympia, Washington; Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 148 pounds; The Three Time Hardkore Women’s Champion…RI EUN-AE!!!”

Ri Eun-Ae yells “Yeah!” as Moe blows a kiss to the Honolulu fans

---

Olympia and “The Platinum Queen” Kelly

vs.

Ai Moe and Ri Eun-Ae

---

Olympia and Ri Eun-Ae kick things off with an intense lock-up. Olympia quickly gains the upper hand with a side headlock, wrenching down hard.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The two Olympia natives starting off here.

Phillip Blauer: Other notable people from Olympia include Kurt Cobain, Matt Groening, and…(looks at the other side of his index card) No, that’s it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ri shoves her off, sending Olympia into the ropes, and as Olympia rebounds, Eun-Ae hits her with a hard shoulder tackle.

Phillip Blauer: Hey, they heard me!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia rolls through, bounces off the ropes, and leaps up for a high dropkick that staggers Ri back into her corner.

Ai tags herself in, and immediately speeds across the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe nails Olympia with a running huracanrana that sends her tumbling!

Olympia’s back up, but Ai grabs her arm and flips her over with a snapmare

Guillermo O’Bannon: Moe follows that up with a quick kick to the spine!

The SimpliFi Arena lets out a collective “OH!” as Olympia arches her back in pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe runs to the ropes, launching herself into a flying crossbody onto Olympia for an early pin attempt!

…ONE!


…Olympia kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia powers up and counters Ai with a swift belly-to-belly suplex, sending her flying across the ring!

Olympia tags in Kelly, who steps in with a sly grin. She circles Ai, mocking her with a feigned high-five before pulling Ai into a quick headlock.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai pushes Kelly off into the ropes and dips down for a back drop, but Kelly stops short, catching Ai with a sudden FameAsser!

Kelly smirks, strutting around Ai, and goes for a quick cover

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Ai Moe kicks out!

Kelly pulls Ai up by her hair, taunting her

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Platinum Queen” Kelly Wayne slaps Ai in the face!

The Honolulu fans wince at the sound, and Kelly Wayne irish whips Moe into the corner

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly charges, but Ai dodges, sending Wayne face-first into the turnbuckle. Ai scrambles to tag in Ri Eun-Ae, and then irish whips her into the ropes. Eun-Ae catches her with a tiltawhirl northern lights bomb!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kelly Wayne kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ri Eun-Ae follows up by gut wrenching Wayne onto shoulder, and then drops into a super spinning side slam!!

Eun-Ae pulls Kelly Wayne up and grabs her around the neck

Guillermo O’Bannon: Eun-Ae hoists Kelly Wayne up for a head and arm suplex! She bridges for the pin!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Olympia stomps Ri Eun-Ae!

Kelly rolls to her corner, tagging in Olympia. Olympia storms in, ducking Ri’s punch

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia countering Ri Eun-Ae’s punch with a vicious overhead belly to belly suplex that sends her across the ring!

The Honolulu audience cheers. Ri crashes hard, but she pops back up and catches Olympia with a forearm smash

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ri Eun-Ae grabs Olympia, whipping her into the ropes, but Olympia ducks a clothesline and responds with a snap German suplex, holding on to roll through and hit two more German suplexes in quick succession!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Ai dives in with a flying knee to break it up

Olympia scowls, getting to her feet and dragging Ri with her. She lifts Ri up for a powerbomb, but Ri flips out of it, landing on her feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Eun-Ae roundhouse kicks Olympia in the stomach, and then lifts her up into a crucifix, dropping into a ganso bomb!!

Ri Eun-Ae tags in Ai Moe, who climbs to the top rope, waiting for Olympia to get to her feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai Moe dives off with a crossbody. Olympia catches her mid-air, but Ai wriggles free and turns it into a DDT, spiking Olympia to the mat!

…ONE!


…TWO!


…Kelly sprints in, yanking Ai off of Olympia

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ai gets to her feet, but “Platinum Queen” Kelly Wayne hits her with a stiff superkick!

Referee Richie “Pee Wee” Richardson tries to get Kelly Wayne out of the ring, but with both Ri and Olympia recovering in their corners, Kelly takes advantage of the chaos , and climbs to the top turnbuckle. She jumps off and catches Ai Moe with her blockbuster

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly Wayne hits her signature Runway snapping Ai back to the mat with force!! But she is not the legal woman in this match!

Ai rolls in pain, clutching her neck, but manages to inch her way back to Ri, tagging her in.Ri storms in

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ri Eun-Ae backs Wayne into the corner with punches and starts choking her with her boot!

The fans get loud. Ri Eun-Ae pulls her up into a suplex, and then flips her into a flatliner

Guillermo O’Bannon: Implant Thunder!! But again she is still not the legal person in this match.

Phillip Blauer: I think she forgot like she forgot her old name.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Eun-Ae lifts Kelly Wayne up into a bridging backdrop driver!! But Richie Richardson won’t make the count because Olympia the legal person!

Olympia recovers and sneaks up on Ri Eun-Ae, who is arguing with Richie Richardson

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia floors Ri Eun-Ae in the face with a spinning back fist!

Ri Eun-Ae crawls over and tags in Ai Moe. Ai sprints at Olympia, attempting a running dropkick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia sidesteps the dropkick and follows up with a powerful Olympic Slam, planting Ai in the center of the ring!

As Ai writhes on the mat, Olympia signals for her finisher, popping the Hawaiian crowd. She grabs Ai’s leg, applying a tight ankle lock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia transitions into her feared Golden Lock!! Olympia wrenches Ai’s ankle and knee, locking in with intense precision!

The fans cheer. Ai struggles, desperately reaching for the ropes, but Olympia pulls her back to the center, increasing the pressure.Ai fights, grimacing in pain, her hand hovering in the air

Guillermo O’Bannon: Despite her efforts, the Golden Lock is too much, and she finally taps out!!

The SimpliFi Arena cheers and “Working Bitch” by Ashnikko plays. Kelly Wayne enters the ring with her arms up

Greg Jin: “At 12 minutes 45 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH…’PLATINUM QUEEN’ KELLY WAYNE AND OLYMPIA!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly Wayne was not the legal woman in the match, leading to Ri Eun-Ae getting distracted dealing with her, and leading to a hard fought victory for her and Olympia.

Richie Richardson raises Olympia and Wayne’s arms in victory. Ai Moe limps to her feet and looks at Kelly Wayne, nodding in appreciation

Guillermo O’Bannon: Olympia with another important win here tonight, putting her in line for a shot at Hardkore Women’s Champion Domino in the future. Ai Moe also seems to be impressed in what she’s seen in “Platinum Queen” Kelly Wayne.

Phillip Blauer: Great, everyone’s impressed with everyone. What about me?

Guillermo O’Bannon: You barely spoke during this match.

Phillip Blauer: My silence speaks volumes. Also I dozed off for a lot of it. The time difference here is throwing my sleep all out of whack.