Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Nov 8, 2024 20:35:31 GMT -5
*Poof! A cloud of black smoke fills a hall of mirrors with a static camera already set up. As the smoke dissipates there before us stands the ebon frame of Lord Dominicus!*
LD: MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- ack- sput- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*As he tries not to cough from the more stubborn wisps of smoke he gestures around him.*
LD: As you can see I am in a house of mirrors! “But”- you may ask- “why?” Because on November 18th you’ll all be in for a treat as you watch dopplegangers and reflections compete for the GREATEST AND THEREFORE MOST EVIL prize in the XHF Network, the X*Crown!
*Dominicus tries to move around a little, but he’s in a hall of mirrors so his steps are restricted.*
LD: Think about it, who is Donzig frequently confused for- even though we look completely different? Yeah that’s right, he’s “Lord Dominicus at home” for most people. Which is an insult to me, not him. The guy wears a mirror mask does this…
*He gestures at his black and gold mask.*
LD: …Look anything like that?
*Wait, stop, a hand goes up to prevent you from talking.*
LD: You know what, I don’t want to know what you peons think about it. And what about our third in the dance of dead-ringers?
*With a gesture to either side the mirrors light up with two different videos playing of XHF Network matches. What mirror plays what seems to be based on where it’s reflecting from, it’s quite a bit of madness to look at until your eyes adjust.*
LD: Now hold on here, which of these is Jason Long and which one is Dylan Black?
LD: Oh that’s right, neither! That noodle-hair is a dead giveaway for Wesley Crane. Dylan and Jason look like drowned rats.
*A snap of his fingers and now we have two videos playing that are definitely Dylan Black and Jason Long. Dominicus looks around.*
LD: Yeah I can never tell these two apart. Dylan gets a haircut and about a week later Long is sporting his old one. Is it a really weird and continuing coincidence that the two just happen to look similar so they keep running into each other’s appearances, are they secretly twin brothers- separated at birth, or does Jason Long just idolize Dylan so much that he has to follow his hair and clothing styles?
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK puts his hands up defensively.*
LD: I’m not here to kink shame, I’m just pointing out that both of my opponents seem to ride on being confused for others. But then there’s me…
*He points a thumb to himself.*
LD: Legitimacy is such a strange thing, isn’t it? We see Donzig as a knockoff Dominicus, and Jason Long as a Wish.com Dylan Black. But me? I’m the second to carry the Lord Dominicus name. As most of you found out earlier this year at A Night to Remember, I am not the original Lord Dominicius. To the layman all of us in the X*Crown match may seem to be playing the part of somebody else. Much like my fellow combatants in Wexford, I am an image in somebody’s mirror.
*There’s a momentary pause as Dominicus readies his hands to convey the emotions of his speech.*
LD: …But with one exception. While the original Lord Dominicus is Hydrox cream-filled sandwich cookies- I’m Oreo. The original Lord Dominicus may have come first, but ever since I appeared on the scene I’ve been universally recognized as the REAL Lord Dominicus. Not a knockoff.
*As Dominicus gestures wildly with his statements we can see him reflected a million times in the mirrors.*
LD: But one of my opponents is like a mirror, dimly lit. Donzig, in his wild ramblings, had the gall to call me a snake. You said I snuck into your match? Excuse me? You called ME out! You invited me into this EVIL KALEIDOSCOPE for the X*Crown! You made the match! Don’t blame me for your self-harm. You want to know where your problems come from, Donzig? Look in a mirror!
*He gestures to the mirrors all around him.*
LD: Donzig is out there deflecting like he’s wearing a mirror suit along with his stupid mask. I haven’t heard this many passed-on sins since the United States Republican National Convention! And that’s not even the worst of it! You decided that since you’ve got nothing on me you’d just straight up lie! You should be cutting your promos on Fox News for goodness sakes.
*He pauses to catch his breath.*
LD: What am I talking about? Oh just that I haven’t been racing for nearly a year! No do you know what I have been doing, Donzig? I have been building up Wrestle: United Kingdom and making it great! Not great again, mind you- it sucked before- but for the first time now it is great! As I ascended to being the World Champion this company mirrored my MAGNIFICENT VANTABLACK IMAGE and is now the great dark spot in the XHF Network!
*Back to a DominiThink pose.*
LD: But tell me, Donzig…since Night of Champions what have you done for the XHF Network after becoming X*Crown Champion? Your failures have been pretty evident. AND ONE MORE THING! You don’t even know how to hold the X*Crown! You just mirror Dylan Black like Jason Long wants to. That belt you carry? That’s his! The X*Crown is YOUR title- well, soon to be MY title, but still. It’s customizable. Heck you could bring out ALL of the titles every match if you wanted. I might! Not that you have time to be original when your base mood is brooding though.
*He DominiShakes his head to clear his mind and change the subject.*
LD: But what about Jason Long? No I haven’t forgotten about you. Honestly Maverick, I’m still waiting for you to put on a mask and spell anomaly wrong while making Deadpool jokes. Or was that your pig-mask and urinating on graves phase back in AWF? No I didn’t forget. I didn’t forget your knock-off Icons or that time when you left the Network and came back to tell us how great it was being in places where you could win.
*WUK’s VantaBlack Savior nods.*
LD: I’m sure you were a big star elsewhere, Jason. After all, everywhere else your Dylan Black cosplay must have come off as very original; like a guy dressing as Shadow the Hedgehog at a Nintendo convention.
*He pauses and looks at the mirrors reflecting a thousand of himself.*
LD: But I don’t want to discount your skills. Jason Long you have gone toe-to-toe with some of the best on the XHF Network. You have managed to keep your names in our mouths even when you changed yours. You have been able to be a constant threat even as other stars have come and gone. But Jason Long, now you are in my house. And while none of us may be particularly original…
*The mirrors light up with images of Jason Long and Donzig.*
LD: …Only one of us is REAL.
*He gently bangs a fist on one of the mirrors featuring Long’s face. All of the mirrors are once again reflecting the LORD OF DARKNESS.*
LD: …Me. And in Wexford the people are going to see the difference between transitional Donzig, one-month paper champ Jason Long, and a REAL champion. I am the REAL Lord Dominicus and on November 18th, the illusions come to an end.
*As he says those last four words the mirrors all blank out to white, leaving only the REAL Lord Dominicus standing in the middle. Fade out.*
*The mirrors have returned to being mirrors and Lord Dominicus is trying to feel around.*
LD: Now where is that exi- oh I think I’ve got it…
*Thump. He walks into a mirror. Thump thump. He walks increasingly swiftly into several more.*
LD: BLAST YOU, YOU DARKLY HANDSOME EVIL LORD!
*A voice comes from somewhere outside the hall of mirrors.*
DB: DO YOU NEED SOME HELP IN THERE?
LD: What!? No! Haha, just playin- ouch- around! Haha- BLAST IT!
*As he tries to deny having trouble, the former WUK Champion continues to bump into mirrored walls.*
DB: HOLD ON, I’LL GET THE PARASITE.
LD: The para- NO ANYTHING BU-
*Suddenly a Zoom call screen is projected onto every mirror with the Star Trekker’s face looking annoyed.*
Trekker: What is it now?
LD: AHHH! SHE’S EVERYWHERE!!
*Dominicus initially falls over in shock and then tries to run away, running into images of her in his panic.*
Trekker: Why is nobody talking? Did you guys know I was in a race? Hello?
*Despite her confusion, Dominicus is freaking out mightily as he tries to escape. He is now in his own personal hell. Will he escape in time for his match? FIND OUT ON NOVEMBER 18TH! Real fade out.*
LD: MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- ack- sput- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*As he tries not to cough from the more stubborn wisps of smoke he gestures around him.*
LD: As you can see I am in a house of mirrors! “But”- you may ask- “why?” Because on November 18th you’ll all be in for a treat as you watch dopplegangers and reflections compete for the GREATEST AND THEREFORE MOST EVIL prize in the XHF Network, the X*Crown!
*Dominicus tries to move around a little, but he’s in a hall of mirrors so his steps are restricted.*
LD: Think about it, who is Donzig frequently confused for- even though we look completely different? Yeah that’s right, he’s “Lord Dominicus at home” for most people. Which is an insult to me, not him. The guy wears a mirror mask does this…
*He gestures at his black and gold mask.*
LD: …Look anything like that?
*Wait, stop, a hand goes up to prevent you from talking.*
LD: You know what, I don’t want to know what you peons think about it. And what about our third in the dance of dead-ringers?
*With a gesture to either side the mirrors light up with two different videos playing of XHF Network matches. What mirror plays what seems to be based on where it’s reflecting from, it’s quite a bit of madness to look at until your eyes adjust.*
LD: Now hold on here, which of these is Jason Long and which one is Dylan Black?
LD: Oh that’s right, neither! That noodle-hair is a dead giveaway for Wesley Crane. Dylan and Jason look like drowned rats.
*A snap of his fingers and now we have two videos playing that are definitely Dylan Black and Jason Long. Dominicus looks around.*
LD: Yeah I can never tell these two apart. Dylan gets a haircut and about a week later Long is sporting his old one. Is it a really weird and continuing coincidence that the two just happen to look similar so they keep running into each other’s appearances, are they secretly twin brothers- separated at birth, or does Jason Long just idolize Dylan so much that he has to follow his hair and clothing styles?
*The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK puts his hands up defensively.*
LD: I’m not here to kink shame, I’m just pointing out that both of my opponents seem to ride on being confused for others. But then there’s me…
*He points a thumb to himself.*
LD: Legitimacy is such a strange thing, isn’t it? We see Donzig as a knockoff Dominicus, and Jason Long as a Wish.com Dylan Black. But me? I’m the second to carry the Lord Dominicus name. As most of you found out earlier this year at A Night to Remember, I am not the original Lord Dominicius. To the layman all of us in the X*Crown match may seem to be playing the part of somebody else. Much like my fellow combatants in Wexford, I am an image in somebody’s mirror.
*There’s a momentary pause as Dominicus readies his hands to convey the emotions of his speech.*
LD: …But with one exception. While the original Lord Dominicus is Hydrox cream-filled sandwich cookies- I’m Oreo. The original Lord Dominicus may have come first, but ever since I appeared on the scene I’ve been universally recognized as the REAL Lord Dominicus. Not a knockoff.
*As Dominicus gestures wildly with his statements we can see him reflected a million times in the mirrors.*
LD: But one of my opponents is like a mirror, dimly lit. Donzig, in his wild ramblings, had the gall to call me a snake. You said I snuck into your match? Excuse me? You called ME out! You invited me into this EVIL KALEIDOSCOPE for the X*Crown! You made the match! Don’t blame me for your self-harm. You want to know where your problems come from, Donzig? Look in a mirror!
*He gestures to the mirrors all around him.*
LD: Donzig is out there deflecting like he’s wearing a mirror suit along with his stupid mask. I haven’t heard this many passed-on sins since the United States Republican National Convention! And that’s not even the worst of it! You decided that since you’ve got nothing on me you’d just straight up lie! You should be cutting your promos on Fox News for goodness sakes.
*He pauses to catch his breath.*
LD: What am I talking about? Oh just that I haven’t been racing for nearly a year! No do you know what I have been doing, Donzig? I have been building up Wrestle: United Kingdom and making it great! Not great again, mind you- it sucked before- but for the first time now it is great! As I ascended to being the World Champion this company mirrored my MAGNIFICENT VANTABLACK IMAGE and is now the great dark spot in the XHF Network!
*Back to a DominiThink pose.*
LD: But tell me, Donzig…since Night of Champions what have you done for the XHF Network after becoming X*Crown Champion? Your failures have been pretty evident. AND ONE MORE THING! You don’t even know how to hold the X*Crown! You just mirror Dylan Black like Jason Long wants to. That belt you carry? That’s his! The X*Crown is YOUR title- well, soon to be MY title, but still. It’s customizable. Heck you could bring out ALL of the titles every match if you wanted. I might! Not that you have time to be original when your base mood is brooding though.
*He DominiShakes his head to clear his mind and change the subject.*
LD: But what about Jason Long? No I haven’t forgotten about you. Honestly Maverick, I’m still waiting for you to put on a mask and spell anomaly wrong while making Deadpool jokes. Or was that your pig-mask and urinating on graves phase back in AWF? No I didn’t forget. I didn’t forget your knock-off Icons or that time when you left the Network and came back to tell us how great it was being in places where you could win.
*WUK’s VantaBlack Savior nods.*
LD: I’m sure you were a big star elsewhere, Jason. After all, everywhere else your Dylan Black cosplay must have come off as very original; like a guy dressing as Shadow the Hedgehog at a Nintendo convention.
*He pauses and looks at the mirrors reflecting a thousand of himself.*
LD: But I don’t want to discount your skills. Jason Long you have gone toe-to-toe with some of the best on the XHF Network. You have managed to keep your names in our mouths even when you changed yours. You have been able to be a constant threat even as other stars have come and gone. But Jason Long, now you are in my house. And while none of us may be particularly original…
*The mirrors light up with images of Jason Long and Donzig.*
LD: …Only one of us is REAL.
*He gently bangs a fist on one of the mirrors featuring Long’s face. All of the mirrors are once again reflecting the LORD OF DARKNESS.*
LD: …Me. And in Wexford the people are going to see the difference between transitional Donzig, one-month paper champ Jason Long, and a REAL champion. I am the REAL Lord Dominicus and on November 18th, the illusions come to an end.
*As he says those last four words the mirrors all blank out to white, leaving only the REAL Lord Dominicus standing in the middle. Fade out.*
POST-PROMO
*The mirrors have returned to being mirrors and Lord Dominicus is trying to feel around.*
LD: Now where is that exi- oh I think I’ve got it…
*Thump. He walks into a mirror. Thump thump. He walks increasingly swiftly into several more.*
LD: BLAST YOU, YOU DARKLY HANDSOME EVIL LORD!
*A voice comes from somewhere outside the hall of mirrors.*
DB: DO YOU NEED SOME HELP IN THERE?
LD: What!? No! Haha, just playin- ouch- around! Haha- BLAST IT!
*As he tries to deny having trouble, the former WUK Champion continues to bump into mirrored walls.*
DB: HOLD ON, I’LL GET THE PARASITE.
LD: The para- NO ANYTHING BU-
*Suddenly a Zoom call screen is projected onto every mirror with the Star Trekker’s face looking annoyed.*
Trekker: What is it now?
LD: AHHH! SHE’S EVERYWHERE!!
*Dominicus initially falls over in shock and then tries to run away, running into images of her in his panic.*
Trekker: Why is nobody talking? Did you guys know I was in a race? Hello?
*Despite her confusion, Dominicus is freaking out mightily as he tries to escape. He is now in his own personal hell. Will he escape in time for his match? FIND OUT ON NOVEMBER 18TH! Real fade out.*
