Pork Rinds are Delicious (EoD)
Sept 27, 2017 13:06:06 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), and 2 more like this
Post by Venom 🕷 on Sept 27, 2017 13:06:06 GMT -5
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“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”The screen is still black after the video has fully loaded, and that sound is heard before it fades in on Scorpion standing in the middle of his recording studio. He is in full gear, as per usual, with his rose colored sunglasses on. The European Championship is draped over his should and in one hand he holds a bag of pork rinds featuring a cartoon pig on the front smiling as it also eats pork rinds.
“Crunch, so Friday I make my return to the ring after a brief hiatus after losing to a legendary beast. Crunch, I have not been just standing idly by during my time off. Crunch, I have spent my time training but running, crunch, mostly from a group of angry vegans who want to throw paint on me for some reason.”
Scorpion stops and wipes the crumbs off his mouth, but the crumbs are stuck in his face paint.
“I may be in the fortieth year of my life and the twentieth year of my career, but I am in the best shape of my life. Better shape than I was in when I won my first World Championship in WEW. Better shape than I was in when I came here to the XHF. Better shape than when I finally toppled the monster Reeshi at the second Night of Champions. Better than I’ve ever been, but for some reason I cannot put down this lovely snack.”
He reaches back into the bag of pork rinds and pulls out another rind.
“Crunch, now I’m back and in spite of being 0-2 since my return to in ring action, crunch, I have the opportunity at competing in yet another tournament to get a shot at winning more gold to add to my collection.”
He stops, licks his lips, and reaches into the bag to get another rind.
“Crunch. so who am I facing? Crunch, am I up against Doc? Crunch, am I up against MGK? Crunch, am I facing some other legend worthy of my talents? Crunch, no, instead I get a guy who I’ve never heard of. Crunch, sure this guy, Felix the Cat Ace Ventura Pet Detective has all kinds of gold, but I have no idea what he is even champion of or who he is champion over.”
He stops again, reaches into the bag and crunches on another one.
“These are delicious.”
He says spraying crumbs everywhere as he crunches on another rind.
“Crunch, I am the champion of all of Europe from the biggest company in the world. Felix the Body Ventura, crunch, is the champion of a company that doesn’t have competitors and is trying to rebuild itself on the backs of one of my former groupies. Crunch, he looks big and bad and talks a good game, but in the end he has nothing on me.”
He stops, again tries to wipe his mouth and rolls up the bag.
“So it is time for El Gato con Queso to step up and try to be a force in my life. It is going to be hard for you Ventura Beach, because I just want to hold your hand, and irish whip you across the ring into a big drop kick. Sylvester the cat, you will have no choice but to get back into my grips as I wrap your legs in a scorpion lock. I’m going to beat you, Gato el Blanco, all across the universe.”
He stops, unrolls the bag.
“Crunch, and after I do, I will be one step closer to my revenge on Slain and his legendary Borg Thob. Crunch, neither you nor a group full of vegans will be able to stop me from getting my revenge.”
The screen goes black.
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