REAL FPS Life [EOD Night 2]
Oct 7, 2017 21:40:30 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, ¥Ezriel¥, and 1 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Oct 7, 2017 21:40:30 GMT -5
*We open up in a scenic ... um ... well ... ok it's gray ... we're in some kind of basement that is full of corridors, hallways, offices, boiler rooms, and stereotypical ... claustrophobic office stuff. Why? Well it seems a certain hero from ... THE FUTURE ... is undergoing the most effective of training. Hunting the most dangerous game of all.
That's right, grown men in goofy sentai styled armor/spandex suits who are also INCREDIBLY flamboyant!
No no no not those flamboyant guys ... sigh ... the other trons ... geez. It's some kind of war games scenario.
You um ... you need to watch more wrestling and less anime loyal reader/viewer ... and now back to our regularly scheduled promo without any more fourth wall breaking. Deadpool might get jealous.*
The camera is now moving. It is slow and unsteady. It would appear to be mounted onto someone. We are clued in on who is the first person here in this war game by the appearance of the right arm of the hero which has on it the mounted wrist gauntlet we never see used and in the hand is the patented Six-Shooter called the FUTURE BLASTER of leader of the Trons, Shogun-Tron. He cocks the gun and moves steadily down a hallway keeping his head forwards. He obviously has cleared out the one large foyer room behind him as he entered the bowels of the building and knows that his targets are in the rest of the complex. He points the gun forward as he approaches an intersection of two corridors.
: *breathing slowly to keep his calm, whispering* This is truly the test I needed. What better way to get my reflexes, problem solving, body movements, and mind in sync than with a good old game of Kill The Borgs. I, Shogun-Tron, leader of the Trons, hereby record this video for posterity should any other tron wish to learn of the ancient war games we used to train in the ... PAST ... well I mean the PAST in reference to our PRESENT which is actually the FUTURE compared to the PRESENT I inhabit now.
A sword whizzes by his head just in front of the camera as Shogun leaps backwards. He quickly steps back into the opening looking down both hallways to his side looking for the attacker. However this foe was smart enough to duck back out of sight.
: *whispering again* I must remember not to reference time periods or my weapons. Any ill timed loud shout or pose could cost me. The rules are as follows. My four compatriots are in this labyrinthine basement. Mini and Xtreme are to hide in rooms and ambush me to test my observation and reaction skills, while Saber and Techno are to hunt me in the corridors. They have as many "lives" as needed until I am defeated to represent the Borg armies of the ... F... wait ... you know what I mean. This will hone my senses and my skills to be in peak physical and mental condition for the war I will be in with Nelly Angel on Sunday night. I have as much ammo as I can hold in my gauntlet and six-shooter. So ... infinite. It is much like the historical record the children of this era play as a historical edutainment game. I believe it is called Doom. Or Quake.
Shogun pokes his helmet in the mouth hole and holds up a finger as if to test the wind. There is none ... so he moves toward the right hallway and then wheels around in a 180 no scope! His wrist gauntlet fires a Nerf dart and hits the shield of Techno-Tron. Techno advances slowly using his shield as a barrier as Shogun sprints the other way then leaps up onto the wall at a 90 degree corner. He flips over Techno and plants a dart on the back of his helmet. Techno mock falls to his knees then the ground. He then kips up and sprints back into the hallways to be a new enemy. Shogun enters a room with a water cooler. He stops to get a drink. As he does he hears a noise. He whips around and sees Mini falling from the ceiling. He rolls away and raises his gun but Mini is now sprinting back and forth around the room. He launches darts from the gauntlet and continually misses. Mini dives at him again.
This time he hurdles the tron avoiding Mini's "claw" attack. Shogun stands tall in the doorway and baits Mini. As Mini leaps Shogun cartwheels to the side and Mini lands on the shield of Techno. Techno discards the shield as Shogun launches a shot from his FUTURE BLASTER. A buttery waffle hits Techno in the face who walks away eating it. He has been beaten again. Shogun now blasts Mini and this time a net fires out and entangles the diminutive tron. Mini tries to escape but gets a gauntlet dart for his trouble.
: Area 1 of 5 concluded. I must remember only shots from my weapons count as kills. Traps and hand to hand are just defensive. Mini "kills" me if he can leap and latch on to my chest or face. Saber and Techno's swords are my undoing. Xtreme will need to knock me over with 3 kicks in a row or hit me with an arrow from his mystic weapon bow thingy.
MIni and Techno are seen moving down the hall way into area two
Shogun now moves quickly to the corner and sidles along the wall. He peaks around the corner and an arrow whizzes past. It is an old fashioned shoot out. Arrows fly past as Shogun keeps leaning out looking for a shot. He launches multiple darts. One hits an arrow "breaking" it and saving him from a fatal shot. Finally Xtreme leaps forward and ducks into a room to the right, area 2. Shogun steps out around the corner and fires a barrage of all six shots from his blaster. Mini and Techno are charging. On the floor lie four of the six shots. A fish, a pancake, a pickle, and a handful of Legos. However the other two have hit their mark. Techno stumbles down a hallway to the left while being mauled by a tiny dachshund.
Mini drops to the floor hit by a paintball. Shogun slowly moves to his second conquest area when he hears a howl. Saber-Tron leaps out with his FUTURE SABER in hand. Shogun roll dodges and Saber hits the floor ... then hits the floor holding his feet. He has stepped on the Legos and is in actual pain. Shogun puts him out of his misery with a dart shot before he then reloads his six shooter with six ... um ... shells?
: I will best you my friend. They will talk about my victory by the water cooler in the morning over plates of scrambled baby chicken protoplasm and rendered smoked pig belly!
Shogun enters the room and Xtreme attacks. He lands two kicks before Shogun blocks the third and unleases a flurry of his own. He sweeps the legs but on the way down Xtreme uses his weapon to knock the six-shooter clattering across the floor. They begin trading punches just like in Power Rangers! Shogun launches a few darts but Xtreme keeps avoiding and landing some blows. Shogun backflips away and is greeted by a leaping dropkick. He falls to the floor next to his gun. As Xtreme leaps for the killing double kick Shogun grabs the blaster and fires. The entire water cooler from before hits Xtreme and lands on him.
: Oh cruel hubris! I am not defeated yet!
A Second shot rings out and a plate of bacon and eggs hits his head and finishes the battle. Shogun moves quick to stick a velcro Tron logo in the room to signify conquering area 2. He exhales and shoots at the ground. A couch fires out of his gun and he sits down as the four vanquished trons move into ares 3.
: A moment to catch my breath. This will certainly help my endurance and stamina. A shooter, a shooting gallery ... that I take down in my first person. Truly the best training. Nelly would be wise to find some friends and try this as well. Surely he is not just sitting on his butt playing children's games! *he is* I must be prepared. I have to live up to the expectations for this battle. This is the main event of the entire tournament after all. Area three is an open vestibule with 3 rooms and 5 hallways. Curse Mongo's avant garde construction designs!
Shogun leaps to his feet and reloads his weapons. He then exits the room. He moves down the hallway to the left and stops when he reaches a long corridor to the right *a 90 degree turn y'all* Suddenly Saber leaps out at him. He swings wildly with his sword as Shogun dodges, ducks, dives, dips and ..... dodges. He fires off a shot after each dodge until his gauntlet is emptied. Saber attacks again with a kick sending him sprawling. As he falls he loads a dart into the gauntlet and rolls up to his knees jamming another in there. Saber kicks him again and then goes for the kill. Shogun tosses his next dart up and matrix dodges back. The dart falls and SHogun no look catches it inside the chamber of his gauntlet. He then leaps back and draws his blaster and fires a shot. A milkbone flies out and trips up Saber who falls face first to the ground and gets a dart to the back of the head.
: My feet still hurt from those legos ...
: Dead bodies don't talk.
Shogun continues into the vestibule where he hears a noise. He wheels around and fires. A janitor has the misfortune of leaving the restroom. And the further misfortune of the shot being an actual nail. It lodges in his shoulder and sends him falling backwards into a toilet full of ... well ... ablutions ...
: OH MY GOD, GOD-LIKE DEITY, OR PURE LUCK FOR ATHEISTS! Are you ok sir? TRONS ABORT WAR GAMES!
*We open back up in the infirmary of the arena where EOD will take place.*
: I can't believe he was in the building. Or that he was Native American. Why does Mongo hate them so? *RUNNING GAG INSIDE JOKE!* I do hope he'll be alright. My weapon never fires deadly rounds. Unless I am staring down a Borg! Oh well it was still a success! That training really got my blood flowing!
: My feet still hurt. *his feet are bandaged and the bandages look bloody still*
: Mini please turn on the XHF Network, I may as well watch some content for the tourney while we wait to hear if the janitor has suffered a MOST GRUESOME HORRIFIC DEATH!
: It was a nail. To the shoulder. We all have survived worse. Mongo once fell off an arena and all he got was amnesia.
*Mini clicks on the TV, on it is coincidentally a promo from Nelly and Randy Angel! WHAT FORTUITOUS LUCK!*
: Oh ... my ...
: God, God-like deity or Thob! It's Nelly! And he's ... well he's being normal. But Randall is saying some truly mean spirited things! Doesn't he know that this is still a friendly contest? And I still think the concept of time travel eludes him. It must be the alcohol eating his brain like a Borgian ear termite! *he turns to the random XHF camera that has followed them for some reason, since none of the previous part was televised, it was recorded ... and I suppose is being played back on the XHF Network as the beginning to this segment ... ok then* Nelly, you have done some amazing work on the logic front. Learning your opponent, knowing how he thinks is a major key to victory. It will surely make my task much harder. And up until this point it would have been less effective but like in your game I too have a bad experience with poop in a facility ...
Janitor: You had one?
: Randall, I am not fighting you but I feel the need to explain again. Our records are of MAJOR events and we have not gone back to ... THE FUTURE! since ...
: We lost the Delorean.
: What? Is that a technology I am unaware of? Oh wait ... a cultural reference from ... THE PAST! Yes. Anyway we have not seen the changes that have come to pass since the sacrifice of our glorious former leader. So really holding us responsible for your failure to just think through your afternoon appointments is ... quite troubling. Might I suggest rehab?
*he shrugs ... and poses*
: Randy I am not scared of Nelly but I also respect him. I respect him more than maybe any other wrestler after seeing all he has done since I was first called to ... THE PAST ... to help my leader protect his friend. He has truly shown he is a challenge not to be underestimated. Which is why I won't. Which is why I train with the help of four master tron technicians. I will not look past Nelly and should he defeat me I will not hang my head in shame. It will be a well earned victory for him and to be sad for my friend would be to disgrace my friend and leader AND to insult my friend Nelly. No we trons may be "weird" as you said *Mini is picking toejam from his toes ... through his suit ... and boot ... TRON MAGIC!* But we are an honorable and honest bunch. We are trustworthy and heroic to a fault. It would be unbecoming of me to besmirch our new found alliance and Nelly's new found outlook on life. If anything this should be closure for us both, so whoever wins may go on and defeat anyone who steps in our way in this tournament. And should I be the first to defeat him in solo competition I would expect nothing but the best from him. FOr he too is a man of honor and dignity. I can assure you I, and this match, are no jokes.
*A doctor walks out*
Doc: SO ... that janitor will never move again. The wound was infected by all that septic fluid.
: Paralysis from poo infection?!
: Oh my me! I have caused this. I must make amends. In your honor my good janitor I will win even harder this Sunday. I know it's what you would have wanted! Away with us trons, it is time to gather at the site of the event and do some winning!
*He poses and bounds away followed by the others.*
Janitor: No that's fine ... I don't need money or health care or a way to work the TV remote. Can you at least put on Oprah?!
*Fade out*
That's right, grown men in goofy sentai styled armor/spandex suits who are also INCREDIBLY flamboyant!
No no no not those flamboyant guys ... sigh ... the other trons ... geez. It's some kind of war games scenario.
You um ... you need to watch more wrestling and less anime loyal reader/viewer ... and now back to our regularly scheduled promo without any more fourth wall breaking. Deadpool might get jealous.*
The camera is now moving. It is slow and unsteady. It would appear to be mounted onto someone. We are clued in on who is the first person here in this war game by the appearance of the right arm of the hero which has on it the mounted wrist gauntlet we never see used and in the hand is the patented Six-Shooter called the FUTURE BLASTER of leader of the Trons, Shogun-Tron. He cocks the gun and moves steadily down a hallway keeping his head forwards. He obviously has cleared out the one large foyer room behind him as he entered the bowels of the building and knows that his targets are in the rest of the complex. He points the gun forward as he approaches an intersection of two corridors.
: *breathing slowly to keep his calm, whispering* This is truly the test I needed. What better way to get my reflexes, problem solving, body movements, and mind in sync than with a good old game of Kill The Borgs. I, Shogun-Tron, leader of the Trons, hereby record this video for posterity should any other tron wish to learn of the ancient war games we used to train in the ... PAST ... well I mean the PAST in reference to our PRESENT which is actually the FUTURE compared to the PRESENT I inhabit now.A sword whizzes by his head just in front of the camera as Shogun leaps backwards. He quickly steps back into the opening looking down both hallways to his side looking for the attacker. However this foe was smart enough to duck back out of sight.
: *whispering again* I must remember not to reference time periods or my weapons. Any ill timed loud shout or pose could cost me. The rules are as follows. My four compatriots are in this labyrinthine basement. Mini and Xtreme are to hide in rooms and ambush me to test my observation and reaction skills, while Saber and Techno are to hunt me in the corridors. They have as many "lives" as needed until I am defeated to represent the Borg armies of the ... F... wait ... you know what I mean. This will hone my senses and my skills to be in peak physical and mental condition for the war I will be in with Nelly Angel on Sunday night. I have as much ammo as I can hold in my gauntlet and six-shooter. So ... infinite. It is much like the historical record the children of this era play as a historical edutainment game. I believe it is called Doom. Or Quake.Shogun pokes his helmet in the mouth hole and holds up a finger as if to test the wind. There is none ... so he moves toward the right hallway and then wheels around in a 180 no scope! His wrist gauntlet fires a Nerf dart and hits the shield of Techno-Tron. Techno advances slowly using his shield as a barrier as Shogun sprints the other way then leaps up onto the wall at a 90 degree corner. He flips over Techno and plants a dart on the back of his helmet. Techno mock falls to his knees then the ground. He then kips up and sprints back into the hallways to be a new enemy. Shogun enters a room with a water cooler. He stops to get a drink. As he does he hears a noise. He whips around and sees Mini falling from the ceiling. He rolls away and raises his gun but Mini is now sprinting back and forth around the room. He launches darts from the gauntlet and continually misses. Mini dives at him again.
This time he hurdles the tron avoiding Mini's "claw" attack. Shogun stands tall in the doorway and baits Mini. As Mini leaps Shogun cartwheels to the side and Mini lands on the shield of Techno. Techno discards the shield as Shogun launches a shot from his FUTURE BLASTER. A buttery waffle hits Techno in the face who walks away eating it. He has been beaten again. Shogun now blasts Mini and this time a net fires out and entangles the diminutive tron. Mini tries to escape but gets a gauntlet dart for his trouble.
: Area 1 of 5 concluded. I must remember only shots from my weapons count as kills. Traps and hand to hand are just defensive. Mini "kills" me if he can leap and latch on to my chest or face. Saber and Techno's swords are my undoing. Xtreme will need to knock me over with 3 kicks in a row or hit me with an arrow from his mystic weapon bow thingy.MIni and Techno are seen moving down the hall way into area two
Shogun now moves quickly to the corner and sidles along the wall. He peaks around the corner and an arrow whizzes past. It is an old fashioned shoot out. Arrows fly past as Shogun keeps leaning out looking for a shot. He launches multiple darts. One hits an arrow "breaking" it and saving him from a fatal shot. Finally Xtreme leaps forward and ducks into a room to the right, area 2. Shogun steps out around the corner and fires a barrage of all six shots from his blaster. Mini and Techno are charging. On the floor lie four of the six shots. A fish, a pancake, a pickle, and a handful of Legos. However the other two have hit their mark. Techno stumbles down a hallway to the left while being mauled by a tiny dachshund.
Mini drops to the floor hit by a paintball. Shogun slowly moves to his second conquest area when he hears a howl. Saber-Tron leaps out with his FUTURE SABER in hand. Shogun roll dodges and Saber hits the floor ... then hits the floor holding his feet. He has stepped on the Legos and is in actual pain. Shogun puts him out of his misery with a dart shot before he then reloads his six shooter with six ... um ... shells?
: I will best you my friend. They will talk about my victory by the water cooler in the morning over plates of scrambled baby chicken protoplasm and rendered smoked pig belly!Shogun enters the room and Xtreme attacks. He lands two kicks before Shogun blocks the third and unleases a flurry of his own. He sweeps the legs but on the way down Xtreme uses his weapon to knock the six-shooter clattering across the floor. They begin trading punches just like in Power Rangers! Shogun launches a few darts but Xtreme keeps avoiding and landing some blows. Shogun backflips away and is greeted by a leaping dropkick. He falls to the floor next to his gun. As Xtreme leaps for the killing double kick Shogun grabs the blaster and fires. The entire water cooler from before hits Xtreme and lands on him.
: Oh cruel hubris! I am not defeated yet!A Second shot rings out and a plate of bacon and eggs hits his head and finishes the battle. Shogun moves quick to stick a velcro Tron logo in the room to signify conquering area 2. He exhales and shoots at the ground. A couch fires out of his gun and he sits down as the four vanquished trons move into ares 3.
: A moment to catch my breath. This will certainly help my endurance and stamina. A shooter, a shooting gallery ... that I take down in my first person. Truly the best training. Nelly would be wise to find some friends and try this as well. Surely he is not just sitting on his butt playing children's games! *he is* I must be prepared. I have to live up to the expectations for this battle. This is the main event of the entire tournament after all. Area three is an open vestibule with 3 rooms and 5 hallways. Curse Mongo's avant garde construction designs!Shogun leaps to his feet and reloads his weapons. He then exits the room. He moves down the hallway to the left and stops when he reaches a long corridor to the right *a 90 degree turn y'all* Suddenly Saber leaps out at him. He swings wildly with his sword as Shogun dodges, ducks, dives, dips and ..... dodges. He fires off a shot after each dodge until his gauntlet is emptied. Saber attacks again with a kick sending him sprawling. As he falls he loads a dart into the gauntlet and rolls up to his knees jamming another in there. Saber kicks him again and then goes for the kill. Shogun tosses his next dart up and matrix dodges back. The dart falls and SHogun no look catches it inside the chamber of his gauntlet. He then leaps back and draws his blaster and fires a shot. A milkbone flies out and trips up Saber who falls face first to the ground and gets a dart to the back of the head.
: My feet still hurt from those legos ...: Dead bodies don't talk.Shogun continues into the vestibule where he hears a noise. He wheels around and fires. A janitor has the misfortune of leaving the restroom. And the further misfortune of the shot being an actual nail. It lodges in his shoulder and sends him falling backwards into a toilet full of ... well ... ablutions ...
: OH MY GOD, GOD-LIKE DEITY, OR PURE LUCK FOR ATHEISTS! Are you ok sir? TRONS ABORT WAR GAMES!*We open back up in the infirmary of the arena where EOD will take place.*
: I can't believe he was in the building. Or that he was Native American. Why does Mongo hate them so? *RUNNING GAG INSIDE JOKE!* I do hope he'll be alright. My weapon never fires deadly rounds. Unless I am staring down a Borg! Oh well it was still a success! That training really got my blood flowing!: My feet still hurt. *his feet are bandaged and the bandages look bloody still*: Mini please turn on the XHF Network, I may as well watch some content for the tourney while we wait to hear if the janitor has suffered a MOST GRUESOME HORRIFIC DEATH!: It was a nail. To the shoulder. We all have survived worse. Mongo once fell off an arena and all he got was amnesia.*Mini clicks on the TV, on it is coincidentally a promo from Nelly and Randy Angel! WHAT FORTUITOUS LUCK!*
: Oh ... my ...: God, God-like deity or Thob! It's Nelly! And he's ... well he's being normal. But Randall is saying some truly mean spirited things! Doesn't he know that this is still a friendly contest? And I still think the concept of time travel eludes him. It must be the alcohol eating his brain like a Borgian ear termite! *he turns to the random XHF camera that has followed them for some reason, since none of the previous part was televised, it was recorded ... and I suppose is being played back on the XHF Network as the beginning to this segment ... ok then* Nelly, you have done some amazing work on the logic front. Learning your opponent, knowing how he thinks is a major key to victory. It will surely make my task much harder. And up until this point it would have been less effective but like in your game I too have a bad experience with poop in a facility ... Janitor: You had one?
: Randall, I am not fighting you but I feel the need to explain again. Our records are of MAJOR events and we have not gone back to ... THE FUTURE! since ...: We lost the Delorean.: What? Is that a technology I am unaware of? Oh wait ... a cultural reference from ... THE PAST! Yes. Anyway we have not seen the changes that have come to pass since the sacrifice of our glorious former leader. So really holding us responsible for your failure to just think through your afternoon appointments is ... quite troubling. Might I suggest rehab?*he shrugs ... and poses*
: Randy I am not scared of Nelly but I also respect him. I respect him more than maybe any other wrestler after seeing all he has done since I was first called to ... THE PAST ... to help my leader protect his friend. He has truly shown he is a challenge not to be underestimated. Which is why I won't. Which is why I train with the help of four master tron technicians. I will not look past Nelly and should he defeat me I will not hang my head in shame. It will be a well earned victory for him and to be sad for my friend would be to disgrace my friend and leader AND to insult my friend Nelly. No we trons may be "weird" as you said *Mini is picking toejam from his toes ... through his suit ... and boot ... TRON MAGIC!* But we are an honorable and honest bunch. We are trustworthy and heroic to a fault. It would be unbecoming of me to besmirch our new found alliance and Nelly's new found outlook on life. If anything this should be closure for us both, so whoever wins may go on and defeat anyone who steps in our way in this tournament. And should I be the first to defeat him in solo competition I would expect nothing but the best from him. FOr he too is a man of honor and dignity. I can assure you I, and this match, are no jokes.*A doctor walks out*
Doc: SO ... that janitor will never move again. The wound was infected by all that septic fluid.
: Paralysis from poo infection?!: Oh my me! I have caused this. I must make amends. In your honor my good janitor I will win even harder this Sunday. I know it's what you would have wanted! Away with us trons, it is time to gather at the site of the event and do some winning!*He poses and bounds away followed by the others.*
Janitor: No that's fine ... I don't need money or health care or a way to work the TV remote. Can you at least put on Oprah?!
*Fade out*
