[STEELE] The Hardest Night Part 1 (Shogun-Tron)

[Steele]

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*In just one night, Jackson Steele's world became just that little bit more... hostile. Already a marked man with a target on his back - or more accurately, over his shoulder in the shape of the AWF Heavyweight Championship - he found himself in the sights of two potential usurpers to his throne, "Prodigy" Bobby Barrett, and "The Dark Prophet" Ezriel. Both men granted a championship shot by Felix Ziko, to take place on the final night of the XHF End Of Days Tournament.*

*Only... there was one small snag.*

*Defending his championship is not to be Jackson's only obligation at the EoD PPV. After three hard-fought matches against wrestlers far more experienced than he is, he found luck firmly on his side as he defeated Curtis Kanyon, then Michael Storm, and most recently Scorpion to advance to the tournament final, where he will meet Shogun-Tron.*

*Sunday, October 30, is shaping up to be the hardest night of Jackson's life. Three opponents, two matches. Make or break. He could be leaving Pittsburgh on top of the world, as both AWF Champion and the XHF End Of Days Champion for 2017.*

*He could just as easily be leaving with nothing.*

*With less than one week until the Pay-Per-View, we are privileged to be able to catch up with Jackson Steele as he prepares.*

*This is his story.*

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JACKSON STEELE: THE HARDEST NIGHT

PART ONE: SHOGUN-TRON

"I'M THE SKIT MAN"

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*We open up on a black screen. It doesn't stay black for long however, as a cheap-looking mosaic effect begins to break up the solid color, the image behind beginning to come into focus.*

*A porno riff kicks in. [bow-chika-wow-wow...]*

*The screen is taken over by an old-school, grainy filter that makes the footage look like it was shot in the 1970's. This effect is further bolstered by Jackson Steele, who swaggers into frame wearing a bright orange frilly shirt, open down to his navel - very fake looking chest hair pouring out of the opening. A chunky gold medallion hangs around his neck, tight purple flares grip his legs and a cucumber shoved - oh, hang on, that's probably not a cucumber on second thoughts... ahem. Moving swiftly upwards, his hair is very obviously not his own hair, as he has an afro roughly four feet across. The handlebar mustache is quite possibly his own though.*

*He Night-Fevers his way to the front of the set - which looks like something like this;*

Steele: "Owwwww! Hello there, daddy-o! You just caught this coooooool cat preparing for his upcoming tournament final against Shogun-Tron! And what better way to prepare for the man from ...THE FUTURE... than to turn the clock BACK! You dig?"

*Jackson puts a platform-boot up onto the table and gives us a close-up view of his... uh... cucumber.*

Steele: "Now I know that Shogun-Tron is one of them vintage cats, he's been around the block daddy-o, but he's no square - the way he dealt with Hyperion was totally groovy! The fans dig him, man! He's one smooth operator! But Jackson Steele - well he ain't no jive turkey either. See, I got the fans diggin' me too - and I got THIS..."

*He steps to the side, and the camera pans with him, to reveal an extremely nonplussed eXXXstacy sitting on one of the chairs. She too has an oversized afro, and it wearing a hideous purple and blue minidress, her legs tightly crossed due to the positioning of the camera. She hands something to Jackson - it's not the AWF Title belt but at the same time it is - only it's retro.*

*I mean REALLY retro. Remember those hideous belts from the 80's that were just really bland, or had fucking photos on them? Yeah, one of those. With a tiny little "AWF" stamped into it.*

Steele: "This here is the AWF Championship, and it proves that I am the coolest cat in this business! I didn't get this belt by being no spaz! I didn't get this cool pad - or my pad up in Canada - by being no square! I didn't-"

eXXXstacy: "Jackson, do we really have to do this? I mean... come on. Look at us."

Steele: "Owww, baby! Have mercy! You're killin' me here with your negative vibes, man! Mellow out!"

eXXXstacy: "Jackson, when we got into wrestling I wasn't expecting... this! We're a comedy act! That's all we are!"

Steele: "Hey baby, this comedy act is the AWF Champ and into the finals of the End Of Days tournament!"

eXXXstacy: "That's great, Jackson! Really! But what happens if you lose both your matches on sunday? Where do you go then? Hmm? Look I don't wanna be a Debbie-downer or anything but... all this playing dress-up isn't actually doing anything for your matches, is it?"

Steele: "Well... I've been winning, haven't I?"

eXXXstacy: "Yes, Jackson... but probably not because you dressed up as a doctor or Uncle Sam."

Steele: "I beg to differ!"

eXXXstacy: "Jackson - trust me! You have THREE people gunning for you on sunday! Three! I don't think you realize fully what you're up against! Tell me - what do you know about Shogun-Tron?"

Steele: "Uh... he's from ...THE FUTURE...!"

eXXXstacy: "Great! What else?"

Steele: "He's... got... a helmet?"

eXXXstacy: "Right. I think we need to change tactics, don't you? Instead of sitting here on the Sack to the Future set - and while I'm on the subject, just where the hell are you keeping all these old movie sets? Do you have a lock-up full of them or something?"

*Jackson goes to open his mouth but she cuts him off, standing up as she pulls a gigantic merkin out from under her miniskirt.*

eXXXstacy: "You know what, don't answer that. I really don't think I need to hear about your own personal cum-stained Area 51 sitting out in a desert somewhere... christ, I hope wherever you're keeping these things has good ventilation. Did you even clean them after filming on them? A woman could get pregnant just walking past this thing!"

*She continues her rant, using her womanly multi-tasking ability to lambast Jackson for his lack of preparation whilst simultaneously chiding him for his reliance on ridiculous set-piece skits.*

*Her voice trails off as an incredibly old man shuffles into the shot, using a walker to keep himself from toppling to his certain death. There's something off about this old man though... he's wearing a sleeveless "Jackson Steele Worldwide" T-Shirt and has facial hair drawn onto his face. Facial hair that looks remarkably similar to Jackson's usual beard.*

*He is also being weighed down by the real AWF Championship belt.*

eXXXstacy: "Ok Jackson. What the fuck is this?"

*Jackson sighs.*

Steele: "Fiiiiine. eXXXstacy, this is me from the future. Future Jackson, this is-"

eXXXstacy: "That is NOT you from the future Richard Jackson, that is Cletus Van Terminator, the oldest man in Ohio!"

*Jackson gasps*

Steele: "You real-named me!"

eXXXstacy: "You've dressed up a 170-year-old man as a porn star and drawn on his face!"

Steele: "Jesus fuck he's 170? How?"

eXXXstacy: "That's beside the point! What on Earth were you thinking?"

Cletus: "Is it my cue yet, sonny?"

*Cletus teeters. eXXXstacy helps support him and leads him over to a chair for a well-earned sit down.*

Steele: "I needed a "Future Jackson" to help me cut my promo! I figured you'd be cool with it! I'm paying him a decent wage!"

*eXXXstacy rubs her forehead in exasperation.*

eXXXstacy: "Jackson, you don't need a "future Jackson" or any of this stuff to get ready for your matches. You know what you need? You need to sit the fuck down with tapes of your opponents, you need to look back through their records, look at their bios, look at forums - see what the fans and critics are saying about their strengths and weaknesses. You're not going to learn anything about Shogun-Tron going through all this crap, and you're certainly not going to intimidate Ezriel by dressing up like Papa freaking Shango."

*Once again Jackson goes to talk and eXXXstacy shuts him down.*

eXXXstacy: "And don't even THINK about turning yourself into Keith Flint and singing "Firestarter" to try and get into The Prodigy's mindset!"

*Jackson pouts as his brilliant idea for a promo is cancelled.*

Steele: "OK, fine. You win. You want me to be boring and study, become a square then that's-"

Cletus: "Jackson Steele! I am yoooouuuu from the fuuutuuure!"

eXXXstacy: "Oh what now..."

Steele: "Hold up, he's started doing his bit..."

Cletus: "I have traveled through time and space to find my younger self, to deliver a dire warning! Jackson, you MUST defeat..."

*Cletus pulls a cue-card from his pocket and uses it to remember his lines.*

Cletus: "{what in tarnation?} Sho... Shot... Shotgun Train? You must defeat Shotgun Train, Jackson, otherwise all of humanity is doomed!"

Steele: "Doomed? Oh no!"

eXXXstacy: "Don't. Just don't."

Cletus: "Yes, doomed! In my timeline, I never beat Shotgun Train! He went on to become the End Of Days Champion - and it brought about the literal End Of Days!"

Steele: "Tell me more, me from the future!"

Cletus: "When Shotgun Train tried to cash-in his title shot, it caused a rift in the space-time... continu...ing?"

*Jackson prompts Cletus.*

Steele: "Continuum. Space-time continuum."

Cletus: "The space-time... yes, that thing - Shotgun Train demanded to be able to take his Championship opportunity in ...THE FUTURE... which brought about the end of the world as we know it!"

Steele: "But I don't understand, future me. I thought the whole point was that the tournament winner gets a title shot in the future? What was wrong with SHOGUN-TRON... that's SHOGUN-TRON... what was wrong with the way he took his opportunity?"

Cletus: "Yes, Jackson! Shotgun-Train was entitled to take a title shot in the future... but he insisted he take his shot in ...THE FUTURE...! By traveling forwards in time and then returning to the present-day with a championship that he did not yet win, from a champion not yet crowned... this caused a paradox that turned the universe in upon itself!"

*eXXXstacy has opened a bottle of vintage seventies port, and is by now chugging it down. She appears to be completely unaffected by the alcohol.*

eXXXstacy: "Jackson, your story makes zero fucking sense."

Steele: "Look, I'll come and watch your stupid videos afterwards ok, but he's doing his spiel! I'm paying him for this so by god we're gonna hear him out!"

*Jackson turns back to his "future self"*

Steele: "Tell me... future Jackson... who did he take the title from?"

Cletus: "He took the title from... everybody, Jackson. From Thob. From Hardcore Harry. From Hype... {what does that say? Hype Ryan?} and... Ezekiel... from Storm, and even Copycat. He took it from you as well. By traveling forwards into ...THE FUTURE... he was able to challenge every subsequent champion in every conceivable time line... always returning to the present day with one more opponent vanquished... always returning to the present day with eighteen extra belts... and always returning to the present day AS the Champion, whilst still being entitled to a shot AGAINST the champion..."

Steele: "My god..."

Cletus: "It was carnage, Jackson. With that many belts in existence, the universe couldn't cope. It just... imploded..."

*It's at this point that eXXXstacy finally gives in. Well, gives in again.*

eXXXstacy: "Oh for god's sake, Jacksons. I've never heard such a bunch of crap in my entire life. How you think this is going to help you beat Shogun-Tron is beyond me."

*She turns to Cletus/Future Jackson.*

eXXXstacy: "Come on then, "Future Jackson" - how does this go down? How can Jackson beat Shogun-Tron on sunday?"

Cletus: "It's true. You are our only hope."

Steele: "Yeah, he's kinda just sticking to the script."

Cletus: "Only YOU can prevent this from happening now, Jackson!"

*Cletus continues to waffle on in the background as the real Jackson and eXXXstacy talk among themselves.*

eXXXstacy: "I mean, if any of this were true, couldn't Shogun-Tron just keep going back in time until he wins the match? So why even bother fighting him? Unless..."

Steele: "You're not suggesting..."

eXXXstacy: "Come on Jackson, work it out..."

Steele: "That I need to go back in time as well?"

eXXXstacy: "Exactl- wait! No! What? What the hell? Why is THAT the first thing you think of?"

Steele: "Well if Shogun-Tron keeps going forwards in time to make sure he wins infinite X-Crown Championships, then perhaps I need to go back in time to ensure that I am the FIRST and ONLY X-Crown Champion! That way, there will only be ONE chance for Shogun-Tron to win the title, and the universe will be safe!"

eXXXstacy: "Holy fuck Jackson did you just become completely {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} in the last two minutes or something? THAT'S YOUR IMAGINARY SCRIPT! IT'S NOT WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING!"

*It's at about this moment that Chardonnay, Lulu and The Other One all traipse into the home porn set.*

Chardonnay: "Oooh I was in this film before!"

eXXXstacy: "Oh Jesus."

The Other One: "Hey what's happening here? Why are there two Jacksons? Why is this one dressed like he's from the nineties? Why is this one small and old? Where's Jackson?"

Steele: "I'm going BACK! To ...THE FUTURE...! Or... wait, I suppose I'm going to go BACK! to ...THE PAST...! Now who is going to help me?"

*The girls' hands shoot up as they clamor to assist Jackson in his latest scheme. eXXXstacy, unsurprisingly, doesn't volunteer.*

Steele: "Come on girls, we're going to build a TIME MACHINE!"

Chardonnay: "I built a clock once at school! That's like a time machine! It didn't work..."

*eXXXstacy stands in the middle of an old porn set, dressed like a seventies porn star, as Jackson and the girls all trail excitedly out to the garage to begin building their time machine. As eXXXstacy begins to wonder where it all started to go wrong for her, a frail old voice pipes up behind her.*

Cletus: "Excuse me, miss... can you help me get home?"

*She sighs.*

eXXXstacy: "Alright... fine. Where do you live?"

*Cletus ponders for a bit, then looks at his cue card.*

Cletus: "...THE FUTURE...!"

*eXXXstacy glares into the camera, as the shot fades out to black.*



[Chapter 2...]