Today's Episode: IT'S ABOUT F***ING TIME (EoD RP 1/2)

[RENT - A - HERO]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF;


THE CRIMSON DEFENDER!

~~SWEET, RETRO SUPERHERO MUSIC, SPINNING GRAPHICS AN’ STUFF~~

*Today’s episode finds our hero and his unlikely sidekick on an adventure; going to watch the big wrestling show! The Crimson Defender and his faithful sidekick Blue Bilson are at the Waldo Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan. The arena is full to the brim of excited sports entertainment fans, kids of all ages, and grown ups who spend more time watching wrestling than paying attention to their wives or kids. People are swarming around different booths, vendors, looking to grab popcorn for the show, foam fingers to waive, or t-shirts to wear and support their favorite stars. Rent-A-Hero (Red) and Blue Bilson (Blue), are in line to buy some beers, which seems to be moving at a very slow, almost snail’s pace.*


“Cmon….hurry the fuck up!”



“Relax boss, we’ll get there soon. It’s a full house, people are doing their best.”



“Their best isn’t good enough, I wanna get my ass to my seat and start relaxing. I need to take notes on these guys, and see who the fans root for and against. I don’t want to miss any of it.”



“I hear yeah boss, get there and observe which ones might be trouble, and which ones might be up to no good.”



“Uh, yeah, sure. Crime checking….”



*Red moves his hand behind his back sheepishly, his newly-bought “Jackson Steele” foam finger on it.*



“I didn’t think this company could draw such a big crowd, this is nuts!”



“Yeah, these big events really bring in the fans, and this is the last night of the tournament too. Next week is the big PPV, the finale. So tonight whoever makes it through gets to be in the biggest match of the show!”



“I sure hope they are paying these superstars a pretty penny”….*and better be paying me the same soon, the bastards…*



*The line moves forward a couple of steps, but stops again; there is like, five or six people in front of them now only. Red stands on his tippie toes to see what the delay is; an overweight, acne-ridden lad is serving up the drinks, taking his time, nervously pouring one drink at a time.*



“Oh for fu-....they have some lardass making the drinks. No wonder it’s taking forever. If it was milkshakes you can be sure he’d be moving.”



“Boss, calm down...”



“Calm is for pansies….”



*Red, frustrated, is tapping his foot impatiently, arms folded like a fussy child. He looks around the room at nothing in particular, and notices the kid behind him in line staring at him.*



“What.”



“.....who are you supposed to be?”



“I am…...The Crimson Defender!” *puts hands on hips, puffs out chest, looks into space…superhero stance*



“Never heard of him. You’re supposed to cosplay people that are recognizable.”



“This here is the best darn hero in town! He’s saved lives from East coast to Ohio. The Crimsun Defenderr!”



“Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.”



“Well what do you know kid, you don’t look like you’re up to date with world news anyway. Probably know more about Twinkies and frozen pizza.”



“Least I’m not dressed like a used tampon….”



“What did you just say!? What age are you anyway? You’re not old enough to be in the beer line. You’re balls probably haven’t dropped.”



“I’m old enough to bang your momma, and kick your ass….”



*Red stares down the youth for a bit, then flicks him right on the forehead. The youth reacts with pig-like squeals, alarming Red. Panicked, Red tries to cover the boy's mouth, but the kid bites his finger.*



“You son of a bitch!”



*A nearby woman, obviously the boy's mother, notices the altercation and hears the hero’s words.*



“What did you call me!?”



“....fuck. Blue, get the beers. I’m going before Big Bertha here squeezes me…”



*Red pushes the hormonal kid out of the way, and runs off as an angry mother chases, swinging her bag like some handbag-ninja. The scene cuts.*

~~SWEET, SPINNING COOL LOGOS AND MUSIC~~

*We return to find the duo happily sat in their seats, beers by their feet and popcorn in their laps. They are sat in the upper area, quite a bit from the ring.*



“Kinda hard to see the ring from here, huh?”



“Next time you buy the tickets then Blue. Just watch the screen if you can’t see.”



“...I coulda watched the screen from the bar...”



“Look, until I get going, they won’t give me a penny. So I need to study and observe these meat heads so that I can slip in unnoticed, find out what is going on behind closed doors, and bust some heads. And, make some dollarydoos along the way.”



*Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Fortunate Son" starts playing, and the arena starts losing their shit, screaming and shouting as the show begins. Cassius Romano and Joey Hawke appear on the big screens, introducing us to another fun night of wrestling. T-Bone makes his way out to a room full of boo’s, coming at him from all angles.*



“Suck a dick, T-Bone!”



*The night progress, with more announcements from the table. Jessie Love introduces the next match-up, and Scorpion makes his way to the ring.*



“We’s gonna see some real good wrastlin’ here tonight! Oh boy!”



“Blue don’t believe everything you’re told, this is all theatrics. Fake acrobatics. These guys are just roid monkeys looking to get oiled up and go at each other. There is not one-”



*’Spyderpussy’ starts blasting as Jackson Steele appears.*



“-real athlete on the roster- oh shit, JACKSON STEELE! Fuckin’ WOO WOO! MA DAWG!!”



*Rent-A-Hero just fangirls real hard as Jackson comes to the ring. He stays on his feet the entire way through the match, starstruck. Once Jackson get the victory, he cheers and squeals really weirdly, then composes himself before sitting down, his giant foam ‘Jackson Steele’ finger still firmly on his hand.*



“So yer a Jackson Steele fan then?”



“........shut up Blue……”



*The next match takes places, Hyperion taking on Shogun-Tron. The duo watch the two superstars destroy each other in the ring, listening to the ‘ooh’s’ and ‘aah’s’ that come from the fans. Shogun shoots his ‘imaginary’ laser pistol, but misses Hyperion and hits a kid. The kid falls over, spilling his Pepsi and popcorn everywhere. Shogun’s bad shot actually ruined a kid’s night. Anyway, he gets the win over Hyperion and the crowds cheers on.*



“What a crock of shit! Hyperion kicked out!”



“Not according to the ref. He counted the three fall there and then.”



“That stupid referee, I bet he took a bribe backstage, and was gunning to throw the match to Shogun. Add him to my list of suspects.”



*Blue pulls out a notepad and adds ‘crookid refaray’ to it. The next match kicks off, the cross-federation tag match. The crowd is loving it, shouting for their favourite fed in the network. FWA take the win to more boo’s than expected.*



“Guess I joined the right side for this one….”



*After the match the Prez comes out to take to the crowd, and gets rudely interrupted by Bobby Barrett. The crowds hates this, and Barrett gets booed away to almost outer space.*



“BOO!”



“Yeah you tell him Blue, boo you Bobby! Get off the stage you new fart! Jeez, the gusto on some of these guys…”



“BOO! Go home Bobby, your sexy wife misses you! BOO! Go home to that hot broad who loves you! BOO!”



“You really suck at the insults Blue. Anyway, we’ve got another match starting soon. I’m going to run for a quick whizz, fill me in on whatever I miss when I’m back.”



*Red runs off to go to the toilet as the screen shows up the image of Thob arriving by boat to meet Kanyon, being held in the air by Slain and some mystery lover of him, holding him in a Titanic like pose. The two boats pull up alongside each other, and Slain drops Thob down to Kanyon, but she cannonballs right through to the eater, resulting in an immediate victory for Kanyon! The crowds cheer and shout, just as Red makes it back to his seat.*



“What did I miss?”



“It’s over! Thob lost!”



“Over? I was pissing for like a minute!”



“That’s all it took! Kanyon didn’t even do nothin’!”



“What a rip-off! This is stupid!....c’mon, let's just go. Try to beat the crowd before the crowd of Pubert McWankalots start swarming outside….”



*As the two men stand up to leave, the screen flashes a promo, advertising for the big PPV coming up. Both men are almost out of their aisle and at the stairs, when the matches are announced….and Red hears his name out loud.*



“Wait….what did he just say??”



*They stop to look at the screen, which is showing the full card….and Rent-A-Hero’s image in the middle of the 7 man match-up. He is stood is shock, is disbelief.*



“I…..I got…..a match…….I got a match! I got a match!!!”



“Sure looks like it Boss! And in the Pay Per View no less!”



“Fuckin’ AYY - ONE! WOO HOO!”



*The people sitting down are clearly annoyed by the two men jumping around in front of them, as they sit knees pointed sideways, you know the way people do that to let others get out. It’s really awkward and uncomfortable, arenas and theaters should make that walkway a little bigger. Anyway as they are celebrating, Red notices the kid from earlier sitting a row back, staring at him, then the screen, then him again.*



“Now Fatty, what do you think of THAT! *pointing at the screen* So much for your ‘unfamiliarity’, it’s time to get to know the name, and the man behind the title!”



“Screw you, you’re old enough to be my dad! You’re blocking the screen with your hideous costume.”



*In a fit of rage, Red throws the last of his popcorn at the kid and his mother, who both immediately stand up in a fit of rage. Blue tosses the last of beer at them too, but this aggravates them faster, as it's now a race of who can get to the stairwell first. Manners aside, Red and Blue scramble over the last seating fans of their row, reaching the stairs first and sprinting away through the lobby.*



“Quick Blue, to the RV…..I’ve got a match to prepare for! Yippee!”



*Sprinting through the lobby, a fat kid and his mother in hot pursuit, Rent-A-Hero jumps in the air, clicking his heels together in joy, holding his coveted ‘Jackson Steele’ foam finger over his head the entire time…..*

~~REALLY LOW-BUDGET, BUT SUPER KICK-ASS FREEZE FRAME/ SPIN OUT TRANSITION TO BLACK~~

JOIN US AGAIN IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE TO CATCH UP WITH THE ADVENTURES OF;


THE CRIMSON DEFENDER!


AND HIS TRUSTY SIDEKICK:


SUPER-BLUE!