Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2017 17:56:31 GMT -5
Have you ever woken up after a heavy night of drinking, and wondered how did I get home? Or whose bed am I in? maybe you can’t remember going to bed or who the person you have woken next to is?
This has happened to many people around the world nearly every single night of the year, however for me things were a lot more serious
A young woman with shoulder length sandy blonde hair and piecing blue eyes staring at the mirror wearing a light navy hospital dressing gown
“usually when you start a story you start at the beginning, but what do you do if there is no beginning, there is nothing more than blank pages where words and pictures used to be.”
“I think the best place to start is to start from the place I first remembered, you see 8 months ago, I was brought in to this royal Charlotte Hospital, I was found on the streets unconscious, my navy blue blouse and faded black jeans were covered in dirt and dust, and no personal belongs on me, the only thing I had was a wrestling flyer for a local wrestling company that was coming to the nearby town”
The woman stares at the reflection of herself, with blank eyes
“What the doctors told me that I was unconscious for 6 days, I do remember waking up, things were blurry at first, as if it took my eyes a little while for them to work, and when I do the first thing I saw were these blue tulips beside my bed and nurse walking past the door. Then a doctor was putting his finger in front of my face and moving his finger from left to right slowly”
“Welcome back” that was the first words out of his mouth, with a little chuckle in his voice
“Whats your name?” asks the doctor
“probably one of the most basic question that anyone has been asked, from the moment we learn to speak, one of the first thing we learn is our names, however on that day it seemed the hardest question of all, What is my name? how can I not know that answer”
I began to sweat and panic, at the thought of struggling to find the answer to the easiest of question, why couldn’t I answer him? What was wrong with me? The doctor told me to calm down and relax, he said that his has happened before with people in stress moments, or head injuries, but instead my mind was going was working overtime, trying to find answer to questions that my head was setting itself, and each time hitting a no entry sign. I’d admit that I was scared what had happened to me, and what happens next
The doctors tried to put me at ease, with encouraging words, and say that it will come back in time, but I wasn’t so sure, how could this have happened to me?
I need to go to the bathroom, I need assistance as my legs did, seemed heavy, so I was given a walk frame like a little old lady, and was directed to the bathroom, and was told there was a cord if I need assistance
So sitting down waiting for nature to happen, these thought whizzing around my head, as I try to remember my birthday, I try different combination hoping that something twig inside my messed up head, nothing no matter what month I tried nothing felt like that was the month I was born, I stood up and wiped myself, and turned to flush the loo, and staggered towards the sink to wash my hands and glanced at the mirror, and continue to wash my hands, I stopped and slowly once more raised my head, and freaked out, I don’t know if I screamed or made some kind of yell but soon enough there were some nurses helping me out of the bathroom, the face looking back at me wasn’t a face that I recognised. What was this hell that I have awoken in, I was helped back onto the hospital bed, but I know something was wrong, I was in total shock, but I felt a prick in my arm, and things started to fade, my eyes were getting heavy, I found it hard to concentrate and then, the next thing I remember I was waking up again in the bed as before.
The doctor sat next to me on a chair and spoke softly and quietly
“Its seems like you have some amnesia, the question we need to find out is weather its short or long term memory loss, and off course to find out who you are, do you understand?”
I know I nodded as if I understood, but it seemed like I was trying to find my own answers inside my head without any luck, and not paying full attention to the doctor
The doctor continued, we will have to have the police involved who will assistance us in finding out anything about who you are, however as we are not 100% sure how old you are, we should keep you here at the hospital for observations
“How old am I?, I never look long enough to work that out for myself”
I places my hands in front of myself, my skin was smooth, and my fingers are thin, however there some grazes on my knuckles, I gently rubbed them
“Have something to eat and drink, and we will continue this conversation later” remarks the doctor
I was sitting on my bed with baked potato with cheese and beans, and some small pot of ice creams, when a young brunette nurse, came up to me and wrote on the board above my head
“LETHE”
I watched her write those letters but what were they for, was it some medical jargon that I didn’t know, or something else
“Excuse me nurse but can you tell me why you put that on the board above my head”
“Certainly Miss, you see when we have patient that we don’t know his or her name we usually call them John or Joan Doe, however after having a word with the porter, he thought that Joan didn’t suit you, and he suggested Lethe”
“Should I thank him?, I mean at least I have a name well kind off, but why Lethe?”
“Well our porter is studying Greek mythology, and Lethe was a river that if you drank from it you would experience complete forgetfulness, or something like that, sorry that’s stuff is way beyond me”
The nurse walked away, and I continued to eat my baked potato, and muttering “Lethe…..well I guess I have a name”
The next couple of days were stressful, I had an interview with the police with my fingerprints and photo taken, the interview was so hard, they were asking simple questions except I couldn’t find answers in my swiss cheese of a head, they were asking my name, my address, did I have a job, whats my birthday, how old am I? so many questions and so little answers
The doctors had prescribed cholinesterase inhibitors and memantine for me to take daily which would they hope would lift the fog in my head and help with my memory loss. For months I stayed in that hospital, and my daily routine became a mixture of drugs, tests and rest and food, I know that my age was a concern as they were unsure if I was an adult or a minor. The police occasionally made an appear to give me an update in the search for the truth about who I am, but each time they came back the news was never positive, they never found any criminal records that related to my finger prints, even posting my picture on facebook and posting pictures of my face in the town that I was found in, came up with nothing but dead ends and hoax calls. Its seems like I’d fallen in the crack of society I was truly a nobody, however there was that small thing of the flyer that twigged my interest, why did I have a flyer in my back pocket?
The doctor found out that I could retain new information and remember information in the short term, however I was still clueless as in what happened before I was brought in here in this hospital, but they were worried about my safety if I was released out into the world outside the door of this hospital. Even though I started to be less scared about the situation that I’ve found myself in, even looking at the mirror I have accepted that the face that looks back at me is who I look like. I could spend hours looking at that mirror, just staring at that reflection hoping that it would spark some kind of memory, I tried everything to playing with my hair, to squeezing and twisting my button nose, I even undress and examine myself in the nude, it’s strange putting my hands on my own body but still unsure if it really your own body, I mean touching my own breasts seem like a natural thing to do, but for some reason it seemed wrong, I wish I had some answers at least but its seems when I look for more answer all that I’m left with is more questions.
I wish I could say that I was a model patient, however it seemed like I had monthly mood swings, I would get so anger with the doctors, I would shout and scream at them, I wanted to get my life back I wanted to know who I am, please tell me who I am…I pleaded I begged for answers but they couldn’t give me the answer I required all they said in time hopefully you will regain some of your memories, until then take your medication and eat and rest
For seven long months, I stay and did as I told and waited for an answer from anyone who could provide the answer to who am I, a simple question yet no one could answer me, however fate would bring me some clues to who I am. I was never alone in the ward, there were always other patients and they would come and go, sometimes though the door and sometimes in a bag, but either way they escape this torture of an an existence, however this fateful day one of the patient about 5’7 and roughly in the 230-250 lbs range was in full rage mode, I don’t kow what set him off, I do know that he was pushing doctors and nurses away, and he was heading in my direction. I promise you I don’t know why I did what I did, I wish I had an explanation, but for some reason, I didn’t hide or run away when I saw this guy running in my direction, I just waited and then side stepped him and tripped him up, he got up and looked at me with cold steel eyes, and took a swing at me, I duck and punched him in the jaw, I then swept his legs, and watched this oak tree fall to the ground, and then I was dropping elbow to his stomach, then roll back and pushing myself up to my feet in once smooth motion and then I kneed him on the top of his head, as a small trickle of blood started to pour down his forehead. I froze as I watched the blood flow, it was like I couldn’t believe that I did what I did, I didn’t know how I did what I did. A couple of security picked up the man and escorted him out of the room, and then some doctor were around me, checking that I wasn’t hurt, but still you could see the look in their eyes, that this wasn’t a normal response to this incident.
After that incident things changed, there were more questions more tests, there were even talks about being charged with assault, but soon the talk about the charges kind of faded away, but still the doctors said that things like this has something to do with your past, it’s like riding a bicycle you might not ride a bike for years but it’s something that you do without thinking, it like a lot of things that we do, that we do without thinking, it’s like an instinct, like a cook cutting up an onion, he probably cut thousands of onions in his time, and he does it like it is nothing, give an onion to a non cook and ask them to cut it up, they are thinking about cutting the onion and not cutting themselves, a cook just cuts without thinking, because its second nature to him, and that is probably why I did what I did, because it was second nature to me.
I would sit on the bed, looking out at the world thought the murky window of hope, and began to replay that incident in my mind, and wonder who am I? was I just lucky? Do I know how to protect myself? Maybe I am more than just a nobody, maybe I know how to do this, maybe I’m kind of a martial artist, then the thought of the wrestling flyer comes into mind, maybe I’m a wrestler?
What am I fan or competitor? That question puzzled me, two paths one more dangerous that the other, and if I choose the wrong path I could get serious hurt. I was given access to the computer in hope that I would click on something that would bring back some information about myself or something would instantly click in my head. I would watch wrestling matches, I would watch the moves and be happy something seemed right, but still unsure fan or competitor.
One day I read about FWA, how this Russian wrestler was starting up a company called Firestorm wrestling Alliance, it was a brand-new company, my interested was peaked, I knew that taking the next step would be a huge gamble.
The doctor continues their routine of drugs test and food, but instead of them asking questions, I had questions, I wanted to take part in FWA, I wanted to know at least one answer to a simple question, fan or competitor, I thought have one match and I would hopefully know that answer at least. The doctors were shocked at my proposal to leave the safety of the hospital walls and gamble my life with this idea, they tried to convince me that it was a bad idea, and that I could be seriously injured, that the hospital have had many patients that have tried to jump of building onto tables, or smashing light tubes over their heads, as well as the so called professional wrestler that come in with all sort of leg or knee injuries. However, I told them that I’ve been here for months on end, in the hope my memory will return, and so far nothing, what have I got to lose by trying to wrestler, maybe stepping in the ring something will click, I will be safe, wrestling is fake anyhow. I knew when I said those words it left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I needed to try anything to convince the doctors to my conviction in this course of action.
The doctors heard my passionate pleads and left to have a consultation with his superiors concerning this matter, with a few hours the doctor came back, and sat next to my bed
“Lethe, we have a problem, if you are classed as a minor we cannot allow you to leave these wall, however as an adult we can’t stop you from leaving, do you see the problem that we have at this moment?”
“So if I was an adult you couldn’t stop me from leaving, I could walk away?”
“In theory yes, but you would still need to keep up with the treatment”
Lethe thought for a moment
“What would I need to do, to be classed as an adult?
“You would need to sign a form that you are over 18 and that would wavier any responsibility from this hospital that you are going against the request of the hospital for you to stay within these wall during your treatment for your memory loss”
“Doctor, you have tested me for many months now, has my condition got any worse?”
“No”
“Do I have the ability to retain new information?”
“yes”
“Have you tried everything in your power to get my condition better and find out who I am?”
The doctor pauses, and contemplates his next words
“We have tried everything at this present moment, but everyday there seems to be new methods and idea on how to get your condition better and..”
“And we are still at the same place that we are from the day I entered this hospital, I need to find out if I am a wrestler, just think at worse my head might get the jolt it needs…one way or another” as Lethe smile as she speaks these words
“Just let me sign the form and anything else you want me to sign and I really want to find out who I am, and I got that feeling I’m not going to get answers within these four walls, I need to find out who I am and who I was, and this is the only way I can think of doing this”
The doctor slowly nods his head as he understands Lethe frustration, and her desire to find the answers, and pushes the form in front of Lethe, Lethe glances at the form without reading it, and signs the bottom of the form, where there was a x to mark where to place her signature.
A wave of relief seems to flow though the body of Lethe, as she knows that her days at the hospital are now numbered, she logs on to the FWA website and applies to become a member of the FWA roster.
“Just one opening match, maybe against a rookie, and that should be that, maybe I will find out who I am” as she enters her details on the web site
Couple hours later
Lethe opens up her created email and found that she had been accepted to be part of the FWA roster and that she would be part of a one-day tournament to become FWA champion
Lethe keeps reading the email, and shakes her head and reads it again
“All I wanted was something like an opening match or even a dark match, now I’m part of a tournament to crown a champion, hell I don’t know if I’m a wrestler what have I let myself in for now?”
Lethe rereads the emails again
“Well I guess I got no choice but looks like I’m going to a Russian Prison to see if they can knock some sense into me, or maybe it will be quick and painless and they finish me quick, but this is a new journey for me, a journey of discovery, a journey to FWA, may the path I’ve chosen be the path of answers”
This has happened to many people around the world nearly every single night of the year, however for me things were a lot more serious
A young woman with shoulder length sandy blonde hair and piecing blue eyes staring at the mirror wearing a light navy hospital dressing gown
“usually when you start a story you start at the beginning, but what do you do if there is no beginning, there is nothing more than blank pages where words and pictures used to be.”
“I think the best place to start is to start from the place I first remembered, you see 8 months ago, I was brought in to this royal Charlotte Hospital, I was found on the streets unconscious, my navy blue blouse and faded black jeans were covered in dirt and dust, and no personal belongs on me, the only thing I had was a wrestling flyer for a local wrestling company that was coming to the nearby town”
The woman stares at the reflection of herself, with blank eyes
“What the doctors told me that I was unconscious for 6 days, I do remember waking up, things were blurry at first, as if it took my eyes a little while for them to work, and when I do the first thing I saw were these blue tulips beside my bed and nurse walking past the door. Then a doctor was putting his finger in front of my face and moving his finger from left to right slowly”
“Welcome back” that was the first words out of his mouth, with a little chuckle in his voice
“Whats your name?” asks the doctor
“probably one of the most basic question that anyone has been asked, from the moment we learn to speak, one of the first thing we learn is our names, however on that day it seemed the hardest question of all, What is my name? how can I not know that answer”
I began to sweat and panic, at the thought of struggling to find the answer to the easiest of question, why couldn’t I answer him? What was wrong with me? The doctor told me to calm down and relax, he said that his has happened before with people in stress moments, or head injuries, but instead my mind was going was working overtime, trying to find answer to questions that my head was setting itself, and each time hitting a no entry sign. I’d admit that I was scared what had happened to me, and what happens next
The doctors tried to put me at ease, with encouraging words, and say that it will come back in time, but I wasn’t so sure, how could this have happened to me?
I need to go to the bathroom, I need assistance as my legs did, seemed heavy, so I was given a walk frame like a little old lady, and was directed to the bathroom, and was told there was a cord if I need assistance
So sitting down waiting for nature to happen, these thought whizzing around my head, as I try to remember my birthday, I try different combination hoping that something twig inside my messed up head, nothing no matter what month I tried nothing felt like that was the month I was born, I stood up and wiped myself, and turned to flush the loo, and staggered towards the sink to wash my hands and glanced at the mirror, and continue to wash my hands, I stopped and slowly once more raised my head, and freaked out, I don’t know if I screamed or made some kind of yell but soon enough there were some nurses helping me out of the bathroom, the face looking back at me wasn’t a face that I recognised. What was this hell that I have awoken in, I was helped back onto the hospital bed, but I know something was wrong, I was in total shock, but I felt a prick in my arm, and things started to fade, my eyes were getting heavy, I found it hard to concentrate and then, the next thing I remember I was waking up again in the bed as before.
The doctor sat next to me on a chair and spoke softly and quietly
“Its seems like you have some amnesia, the question we need to find out is weather its short or long term memory loss, and off course to find out who you are, do you understand?”
I know I nodded as if I understood, but it seemed like I was trying to find my own answers inside my head without any luck, and not paying full attention to the doctor
The doctor continued, we will have to have the police involved who will assistance us in finding out anything about who you are, however as we are not 100% sure how old you are, we should keep you here at the hospital for observations
“How old am I?, I never look long enough to work that out for myself”
I places my hands in front of myself, my skin was smooth, and my fingers are thin, however there some grazes on my knuckles, I gently rubbed them
“Have something to eat and drink, and we will continue this conversation later” remarks the doctor
I was sitting on my bed with baked potato with cheese and beans, and some small pot of ice creams, when a young brunette nurse, came up to me and wrote on the board above my head
“LETHE”
I watched her write those letters but what were they for, was it some medical jargon that I didn’t know, or something else
“Excuse me nurse but can you tell me why you put that on the board above my head”
“Certainly Miss, you see when we have patient that we don’t know his or her name we usually call them John or Joan Doe, however after having a word with the porter, he thought that Joan didn’t suit you, and he suggested Lethe”
“Should I thank him?, I mean at least I have a name well kind off, but why Lethe?”
“Well our porter is studying Greek mythology, and Lethe was a river that if you drank from it you would experience complete forgetfulness, or something like that, sorry that’s stuff is way beyond me”
The nurse walked away, and I continued to eat my baked potato, and muttering “Lethe…..well I guess I have a name”
The next couple of days were stressful, I had an interview with the police with my fingerprints and photo taken, the interview was so hard, they were asking simple questions except I couldn’t find answers in my swiss cheese of a head, they were asking my name, my address, did I have a job, whats my birthday, how old am I? so many questions and so little answers
The doctors had prescribed cholinesterase inhibitors and memantine for me to take daily which would they hope would lift the fog in my head and help with my memory loss. For months I stayed in that hospital, and my daily routine became a mixture of drugs, tests and rest and food, I know that my age was a concern as they were unsure if I was an adult or a minor. The police occasionally made an appear to give me an update in the search for the truth about who I am, but each time they came back the news was never positive, they never found any criminal records that related to my finger prints, even posting my picture on facebook and posting pictures of my face in the town that I was found in, came up with nothing but dead ends and hoax calls. Its seems like I’d fallen in the crack of society I was truly a nobody, however there was that small thing of the flyer that twigged my interest, why did I have a flyer in my back pocket?
The doctor found out that I could retain new information and remember information in the short term, however I was still clueless as in what happened before I was brought in here in this hospital, but they were worried about my safety if I was released out into the world outside the door of this hospital. Even though I started to be less scared about the situation that I’ve found myself in, even looking at the mirror I have accepted that the face that looks back at me is who I look like. I could spend hours looking at that mirror, just staring at that reflection hoping that it would spark some kind of memory, I tried everything to playing with my hair, to squeezing and twisting my button nose, I even undress and examine myself in the nude, it’s strange putting my hands on my own body but still unsure if it really your own body, I mean touching my own breasts seem like a natural thing to do, but for some reason it seemed wrong, I wish I had some answers at least but its seems when I look for more answer all that I’m left with is more questions.
I wish I could say that I was a model patient, however it seemed like I had monthly mood swings, I would get so anger with the doctors, I would shout and scream at them, I wanted to get my life back I wanted to know who I am, please tell me who I am…I pleaded I begged for answers but they couldn’t give me the answer I required all they said in time hopefully you will regain some of your memories, until then take your medication and eat and rest
For seven long months, I stay and did as I told and waited for an answer from anyone who could provide the answer to who am I, a simple question yet no one could answer me, however fate would bring me some clues to who I am. I was never alone in the ward, there were always other patients and they would come and go, sometimes though the door and sometimes in a bag, but either way they escape this torture of an an existence, however this fateful day one of the patient about 5’7 and roughly in the 230-250 lbs range was in full rage mode, I don’t kow what set him off, I do know that he was pushing doctors and nurses away, and he was heading in my direction. I promise you I don’t know why I did what I did, I wish I had an explanation, but for some reason, I didn’t hide or run away when I saw this guy running in my direction, I just waited and then side stepped him and tripped him up, he got up and looked at me with cold steel eyes, and took a swing at me, I duck and punched him in the jaw, I then swept his legs, and watched this oak tree fall to the ground, and then I was dropping elbow to his stomach, then roll back and pushing myself up to my feet in once smooth motion and then I kneed him on the top of his head, as a small trickle of blood started to pour down his forehead. I froze as I watched the blood flow, it was like I couldn’t believe that I did what I did, I didn’t know how I did what I did. A couple of security picked up the man and escorted him out of the room, and then some doctor were around me, checking that I wasn’t hurt, but still you could see the look in their eyes, that this wasn’t a normal response to this incident.
After that incident things changed, there were more questions more tests, there were even talks about being charged with assault, but soon the talk about the charges kind of faded away, but still the doctors said that things like this has something to do with your past, it’s like riding a bicycle you might not ride a bike for years but it’s something that you do without thinking, it like a lot of things that we do, that we do without thinking, it’s like an instinct, like a cook cutting up an onion, he probably cut thousands of onions in his time, and he does it like it is nothing, give an onion to a non cook and ask them to cut it up, they are thinking about cutting the onion and not cutting themselves, a cook just cuts without thinking, because its second nature to him, and that is probably why I did what I did, because it was second nature to me.
I would sit on the bed, looking out at the world thought the murky window of hope, and began to replay that incident in my mind, and wonder who am I? was I just lucky? Do I know how to protect myself? Maybe I am more than just a nobody, maybe I know how to do this, maybe I’m kind of a martial artist, then the thought of the wrestling flyer comes into mind, maybe I’m a wrestler?
What am I fan or competitor? That question puzzled me, two paths one more dangerous that the other, and if I choose the wrong path I could get serious hurt. I was given access to the computer in hope that I would click on something that would bring back some information about myself or something would instantly click in my head. I would watch wrestling matches, I would watch the moves and be happy something seemed right, but still unsure fan or competitor.
One day I read about FWA, how this Russian wrestler was starting up a company called Firestorm wrestling Alliance, it was a brand-new company, my interested was peaked, I knew that taking the next step would be a huge gamble.
The doctor continues their routine of drugs test and food, but instead of them asking questions, I had questions, I wanted to take part in FWA, I wanted to know at least one answer to a simple question, fan or competitor, I thought have one match and I would hopefully know that answer at least. The doctors were shocked at my proposal to leave the safety of the hospital walls and gamble my life with this idea, they tried to convince me that it was a bad idea, and that I could be seriously injured, that the hospital have had many patients that have tried to jump of building onto tables, or smashing light tubes over their heads, as well as the so called professional wrestler that come in with all sort of leg or knee injuries. However, I told them that I’ve been here for months on end, in the hope my memory will return, and so far nothing, what have I got to lose by trying to wrestler, maybe stepping in the ring something will click, I will be safe, wrestling is fake anyhow. I knew when I said those words it left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I needed to try anything to convince the doctors to my conviction in this course of action.
The doctors heard my passionate pleads and left to have a consultation with his superiors concerning this matter, with a few hours the doctor came back, and sat next to my bed
“Lethe, we have a problem, if you are classed as a minor we cannot allow you to leave these wall, however as an adult we can’t stop you from leaving, do you see the problem that we have at this moment?”
“So if I was an adult you couldn’t stop me from leaving, I could walk away?”
“In theory yes, but you would still need to keep up with the treatment”
Lethe thought for a moment
“What would I need to do, to be classed as an adult?
“You would need to sign a form that you are over 18 and that would wavier any responsibility from this hospital that you are going against the request of the hospital for you to stay within these wall during your treatment for your memory loss”
“Doctor, you have tested me for many months now, has my condition got any worse?”
“No”
“Do I have the ability to retain new information?”
“yes”
“Have you tried everything in your power to get my condition better and find out who I am?”
The doctor pauses, and contemplates his next words
“We have tried everything at this present moment, but everyday there seems to be new methods and idea on how to get your condition better and..”
“And we are still at the same place that we are from the day I entered this hospital, I need to find out if I am a wrestler, just think at worse my head might get the jolt it needs…one way or another” as Lethe smile as she speaks these words
“Just let me sign the form and anything else you want me to sign and I really want to find out who I am, and I got that feeling I’m not going to get answers within these four walls, I need to find out who I am and who I was, and this is the only way I can think of doing this”
The doctor slowly nods his head as he understands Lethe frustration, and her desire to find the answers, and pushes the form in front of Lethe, Lethe glances at the form without reading it, and signs the bottom of the form, where there was a x to mark where to place her signature.
A wave of relief seems to flow though the body of Lethe, as she knows that her days at the hospital are now numbered, she logs on to the FWA website and applies to become a member of the FWA roster.
“Just one opening match, maybe against a rookie, and that should be that, maybe I will find out who I am” as she enters her details on the web site
Couple hours later
Lethe opens up her created email and found that she had been accepted to be part of the FWA roster and that she would be part of a one-day tournament to become FWA champion
Lethe keeps reading the email, and shakes her head and reads it again
“All I wanted was something like an opening match or even a dark match, now I’m part of a tournament to crown a champion, hell I don’t know if I’m a wrestler what have I let myself in for now?”
Lethe rereads the emails again
“Well I guess I got no choice but looks like I’m going to a Russian Prison to see if they can knock some sense into me, or maybe it will be quick and painless and they finish me quick, but this is a new journey for me, a journey of discovery, a journey to FWA, may the path I’ve chosen be the path of answers”