[STEELE] The Hardest Night Part 6 (Shogun-Tron Part 4)
Oct 27, 2017 20:21:48 GMT -5
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Post by Steele on Oct 27, 2017 20:21:48 GMT -5
[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5]
We open on Jackson Steele sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner chair. He has a bowl of popcorn on his lap and is greedily shoveling handfuls into his mouth as he giggles at whatever he is watching on his laptop.
In walks eXXXstacy, and she eyes him with a look of disapproval.
eXXXstacy: Yeah, cos THAT'S gonna have you in tip-top shape for Sunday! WHat are you watching anyway? Is that-
Steele: It's [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars! I've never seen it before! It's hilarious!
eXXXstacy: You've never seen [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars? Seriously?
Steele: Nope.
eXXXstacy: Wow. So what, are you a [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Trek fan then?
Steele: Nope. Never seen that either.
eXXXstacy: Whoa whoa whoa! Not so loud or Mongo'll job you out!
Steele: What just because I've never seen [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars or [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Trek? Pah. And what's the deal with all this censoring?
eXXXstacy: Disney really don't like it when you use their IP without permission. I guess we can't say [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] at all in this promo and just have to say [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] instead...
Steele: Bunch of whiny-ass bitches. HAHAHAHAHAHA - Look at the little midget one!
She takes a look at the screen.
eXXXstacy: Jackson, this isn't [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars...
Jackson talks through another mouthful of buttery goodness.
Steele: What are you talking about, of course it is!
eXXXstacy: Jackson... you're on the XFH Network site... that's not Ewan McGragor, that's Shogun-Tron!
He makes a confused face.
Steele: Oh. I never knew Shogun-Tron was in [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars... why are they showing this on the Network website then?
A roll of the eyes from eXXXstacy, her signature move.
eXXXstacy: They're not, Jackson. This is Shogun-Tron's promo AGAINST YOU!
The cogs are whirring in Jackson's brain.
Steele: Ohhhhhh.... I thought the bad guy looked familiar!
WAIT
I'm the bad guy! I don't remember filming this! I remember filming the porn parody, [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Whores... but not THIS!
eXXXstacy: Well I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you didn't film it.
Steele: Then that means they're using my likeness without permission! I should SUE them! I'll sue everybody!
eXXXstacy: Hold up... just a minute ago you were saying that Disney were "whiny-ass bitches" for protecting their trademarks...
Steele: That was different! THEY'RE a huge corporation! I'm just little old Jackson Steele, pro wrestler and porn [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] - OH COME ON!
Jackson angrily slams his popcorn bowl down on the table and grabs his phone. He starts to dial.
eXXXstacy: Who are you calling?
Steele: Not now Stacey - oh hi, Harry! Long time no see! Listen, I've got a bit of a problem and I think I need you to whip me into shape for this match I've got coming up!
eXXXstacy: Jackson...
Steele: SHH! I'm on the- oh. Oh right. I see. Well, ok, thanks for your time.
He hangs up.
Steele: He says were were already up there.
eXXXstacy: Yes Jackson. We got back yesterday.
He pouts.
Steele: Well I'm still suing them. And the network.
eXXXstacy: I don't think that's a good idea. This probably falls into some sort of "fair use" category since you DO have a match against him. At best, it'd be a legal gray area.
Jackson harrumphs.
Steele: Well... it IS a funny film. I just hope he doesn't make six of the fucking things.
eXXXstacy: I know, right. Who's sad enough to do SIX promos for just one night?
An awkward silence.
eXXXstacy: Anyway, there are seven [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars films now.
Steele: SEVEN? Oh Jesus Christ, I'm fucked!
Jackson gets up and starts to leave the room.
eXXXstacy: Jackson where are you going? I hope you're not going to set up some elaborate skit again...
Steele: No... I'm just going out to... the... shop.
eXXXstacy: Jackson Steele I FORBID you to do another skit.
Jackson huffs and stomps his foot before finally relenting.
Steele: Fiiiiiiiiine. Well at least let me go and try out my sweet time machine and see if I can't get something to work in my favor before this match.
eXXXstacy: It's not a time machine, it's a damn- hang on, where are the girls?
Steele: I told you! They went back in time!
eXXXstacy: No no no no no, I'm sure there's an explanation for this... something else happened. You didn't make a time machine.
MEANWHILE
Chardonnay groaned as she lifted her face up out of the wet grass. She looked around her, all she could see was a vast sea of green for miles. An open field ahead of her, a thick wood behind.
Chardonnay: Where... where am I?
There was a rustling in the bushes behind her and she whipped her head round to check it out.
Chardonnay: What the...
Striding towards her was a man, clad head to toe in glimmering metal armor. He carried a longsword at his side. He approached her and, raising the visor on his helmet, he held out a hand. Chardonnay took it as he helped her to her feet.
Chardonnay: Shogun-Tron?
The handsome knight smiled.
Sir Gawain: What strange garb for a fair maiden such as yourself!
He quipped.
Sir Gawain: Nay lass, I am not this Shogun-Tron you speak of. My name is Sir Gawain!
Chardonnay's eyes widened. She gasped.
Chardonnay: What- what year is it?
Sir Gawain looked at her with a curious expression.
Sir Gawain: Why fair maiden... 'tis they year of our Lord, 1341!
Chardonnay fainted.
A SHORT WHILE LATER
Having regained her senses, Chardonnay had been taken by the brave Sir Gawain to his camp, and introduced to his band of merry men. Sir Talbot, another knight. Friar Benson, a cleric. Mortimer, a wizard. Plus an assortment of rather minor characters, the names of whom we won't burden ourselves with.
They sat around a campfire as they acquainted themselves with Chardonnay.
Sir Gawain: Tell us again, miss Chardonnay, of this Shogun-Tron character! He sounds like a formidable warrior! And such a fanciful tale of traveling through time!
Chardonnay: So... he's like, this robot-thing, and yeah- he travels through time from ...THE FUTURE... and stuff.
The group laughed.
Sir Talbot: This ...FUTURE... time sounds like an incredible time indeed! And your master, Jackson Steele was it? He is also a time-traveler?
Chardonnay: No, he's a porn star.
Friar Benson: Porn, m'lady?
Chardonnay: Oh yeah, it's like where you have sex with people and everyone else can watch you doing it...
Everybody gasped.
Friar Benson: I feel sick...
Sir Gawain: Please, Friar Benson, do not judge this young lady for she comes from a place where debauchery and sin might be commonplace! She also hails to us from ...THE FUTURE..., remember?
Mortimer: So your master Steele, he is somewhat like a famous bard of our age, yes?
Chardonnay: I don't know what that means.. but EVERYBODY knows who he is! He's not a porn star any more though... he's a wrestler now. Like Shogun-Tron.
Sir Talbot: And they are to commence battle Sunday hence? Uh, Sunday hence from whence you came, of course?
Chardonnay: That's right! In the final of the End Of Days tournament!
A fearful look was passed around the group.
Sir Gawain: The End Of Days, m'lady? What will bring about this End Of Days?
Chardonnay: Well... Jackson said that if Shogun-Tron wins, then the world is going to end. So that, I guess?
Sir Talbot: This is most troubling, Sir Gawain.
Sir Gawain: Fear not Sir Talbot, if this warrior of Steele is half as capable as this young lady has described, then he shall have no trouble averting the End Of Days.
Sir Talbot: I hope for ...THE FUTURE...'s sake you are correct.
Chardonnay was busy biting down on the leg of some animal or other that they had been roasting over the fire.
Chardonnay: Mmm! What was this again?
Mortimer: Pork, m'lady.
Chardonnay: That's like a pig, right? We have those in our time! Actually, the X-Crown Champion is a pig...
She looked at the meat suspiciously and slowly put it down.
Friar Benson: You said if Master Steele is successful in averting the End Of Days then he will be able to challenge the champion? Will he be fighting this pig? Can the pig fight?
Chardonnay: It usually just gets thrown around by its manager.
Sir Talbot: I say, what an utterly confusing time you live in m'lady.
Sir Gawain: Well, you certainly have our backing, miss Chardonnay. If we could, we would travel with you to your time and make certain that Master Steele slays the foul demon Shogun-Tron. Alas, such a feat is not possible without this... "time machine" that you say you traveled here in.
Chardonnay: I know. I don't think it came with me.
She said forlornly. It didn't. It was still in Jackson's garage. Bit of a shit time machine really.
Chardonnay: I suppose that means I;m stuck here... in ...THE PAST...
Her bottom lip quivered and she looked like she was about to cry. Friar Benson comforted her.
Friar Benson: There there, miss. What's done is done, it is the will of the LORD and cannot be changed. We'll look after you.
Sir Gawain: Quite! From now on, you travel with us! Do you have any special skills?
Chardonnay: I can put one leg up really high and get it behind my head!
Sir Gawain: I see... can you play an instrument? A lyre perhaps, or a lute?
Chardonnay: No... I can play the bongos, do you have any bongos?
The men all exchanged confused looks.
Mortimer: Bon...goes?
Chardonnay: Or I could sing?
Sir Talbot: Then it is settled! You shall be our bard! Regale us with ballads of your time! Just... try to stay at the back of the group in battle, so you don't find yourself impaled by a long sword.
Chardonnay: Oh please, I've been impaled by hundreds of long swords. Ok, I'll sing for you! How about My Neck, My Back?
Sir Gawain: Splendid! You shall sing that for us! It sounds like a wonderful song! But first - we toast your brave Master Steele! Though we cannot fight alongside him, we shall raise his banner high in battle! And sing his praises - how does his battle cry go again? Ah yes - because Jackson Steele...
Everybody: ALWAYS COMES FIRST!
TO BE CONTINUED...
In a brand-new spin-off miniseries!
*In just one night, Jackson Steele's world became just that little bit more... hostile. Already a marked man with a target on his back - or more accurately, over his shoulder in the shape of the AWF Heavyweight Championship - he found himself in the sights of two potential usurpers to his throne, "Prodigy" Bobby Barrett, and "The Dark Prophet" Ezriel. Both men granted a championship shot by Felix Ziko, to take place on the final night of the XHF End Of Days Tournament.*
*Only... there was one small snag.*
*Defending his championship is not to be Jackson's only obligation at the EoD PPV. After three hard-fought matches against wrestlers far more experienced than he is, he found luck firmly on his side as he defeated Curtis Kanyon, then Michael Storm, and most recently Scorpion to advance to the tournament final, where he will meet Shogun-Tron.*
*Sunday, October 30, is shaping up to be the hardest night of Jackson's life. Three opponents, two matches. Make or break. He could be leaving Pittsburgh on top of the world, as both AWF Champion and the XHF End Of Days Champion for 2017.*
*He could just as easily be leaving with nothing.*
*With less than one week until the Pay-Per-View, we are privileged to be able to catch up with Jackson Steele as he prepares.*
*This is his story.*
JACKSON STEELE: THE HARDEST NIGHT
PART 6: SHOGUN-TRON (Part 4)
"CAUGHT SOMEWHERE IN TIME"
"CAUGHT SOMEWHERE IN TIME"
We open on Jackson Steele sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner chair. He has a bowl of popcorn on his lap and is greedily shoveling handfuls into his mouth as he giggles at whatever he is watching on his laptop.
In walks eXXXstacy, and she eyes him with a look of disapproval.
eXXXstacy: Yeah, cos THAT'S gonna have you in tip-top shape for Sunday! WHat are you watching anyway? Is that-
Steele: It's [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars! I've never seen it before! It's hilarious!
eXXXstacy: You've never seen [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars? Seriously?
Steele: Nope.
eXXXstacy: Wow. So what, are you a [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Trek fan then?
Steele: Nope. Never seen that either.
eXXXstacy: Whoa whoa whoa! Not so loud or Mongo'll job you out!
Steele: What just because I've never seen [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars or [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Trek? Pah. And what's the deal with all this censoring?
eXXXstacy: Disney really don't like it when you use their IP without permission. I guess we can't say [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] at all in this promo and just have to say [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] instead...
Steele: Bunch of whiny-ass bitches. HAHAHAHAHAHA - Look at the little midget one!
She takes a look at the screen.
eXXXstacy: Jackson, this isn't [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars...
Jackson talks through another mouthful of buttery goodness.
Steele: What are you talking about, of course it is!
eXXXstacy: Jackson... you're on the XFH Network site... that's not Ewan McGragor, that's Shogun-Tron!
He makes a confused face.
Steele: Oh. I never knew Shogun-Tron was in [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars... why are they showing this on the Network website then?
A roll of the eyes from eXXXstacy, her signature move.
eXXXstacy: They're not, Jackson. This is Shogun-Tron's promo AGAINST YOU!
The cogs are whirring in Jackson's brain.
Steele: Ohhhhhh.... I thought the bad guy looked familiar!
WAIT
I'm the bad guy! I don't remember filming this! I remember filming the porn parody, [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Whores... but not THIS!
eXXXstacy: Well I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you didn't film it.
Steele: Then that means they're using my likeness without permission! I should SUE them! I'll sue everybody!
eXXXstacy: Hold up... just a minute ago you were saying that Disney were "whiny-ass bitches" for protecting their trademarks...
Steele: That was different! THEY'RE a huge corporation! I'm just little old Jackson Steele, pro wrestler and porn [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] - OH COME ON!
Jackson angrily slams his popcorn bowl down on the table and grabs his phone. He starts to dial.
eXXXstacy: Who are you calling?
Steele: Not now Stacey - oh hi, Harry! Long time no see! Listen, I've got a bit of a problem and I think I need you to whip me into shape for this match I've got coming up!
eXXXstacy: Jackson...
Steele: SHH! I'm on the- oh. Oh right. I see. Well, ok, thanks for your time.
He hangs up.
Steele: He says were were already up there.
eXXXstacy: Yes Jackson. We got back yesterday.
He pouts.
Steele: Well I'm still suing them. And the network.
eXXXstacy: I don't think that's a good idea. This probably falls into some sort of "fair use" category since you DO have a match against him. At best, it'd be a legal gray area.
Jackson harrumphs.
Steele: Well... it IS a funny film. I just hope he doesn't make six of the fucking things.
eXXXstacy: I know, right. Who's sad enough to do SIX promos for just one night?
An awkward silence.
eXXXstacy: Anyway, there are seven [GIANT CELESTIAL BODY] Wars films now.
Steele: SEVEN? Oh Jesus Christ, I'm fucked!
Jackson gets up and starts to leave the room.
eXXXstacy: Jackson where are you going? I hope you're not going to set up some elaborate skit again...
Steele: No... I'm just going out to... the... shop.
eXXXstacy: Jackson Steele I FORBID you to do another skit.
Jackson huffs and stomps his foot before finally relenting.
Steele: Fiiiiiiiiine. Well at least let me go and try out my sweet time machine and see if I can't get something to work in my favor before this match.
eXXXstacy: It's not a time machine, it's a damn- hang on, where are the girls?
Steele: I told you! They went back in time!
eXXXstacy: No no no no no, I'm sure there's an explanation for this... something else happened. You didn't make a time machine.
MEANWHILE
Chardonnay groaned as she lifted her face up out of the wet grass. She looked around her, all she could see was a vast sea of green for miles. An open field ahead of her, a thick wood behind.
Chardonnay: Where... where am I?
There was a rustling in the bushes behind her and she whipped her head round to check it out.
Chardonnay: What the...
Striding towards her was a man, clad head to toe in glimmering metal armor. He carried a longsword at his side. He approached her and, raising the visor on his helmet, he held out a hand. Chardonnay took it as he helped her to her feet.
Chardonnay: Shogun-Tron?
The handsome knight smiled.
Sir Gawain: What strange garb for a fair maiden such as yourself!
He quipped.
Sir Gawain: Nay lass, I am not this Shogun-Tron you speak of. My name is Sir Gawain!
Chardonnay's eyes widened. She gasped.
Chardonnay: What- what year is it?
Sir Gawain looked at her with a curious expression.
Sir Gawain: Why fair maiden... 'tis they year of our Lord, 1341!
Chardonnay fainted.
A SHORT WHILE LATER
Having regained her senses, Chardonnay had been taken by the brave Sir Gawain to his camp, and introduced to his band of merry men. Sir Talbot, another knight. Friar Benson, a cleric. Mortimer, a wizard. Plus an assortment of rather minor characters, the names of whom we won't burden ourselves with.
They sat around a campfire as they acquainted themselves with Chardonnay.
Sir Gawain: Tell us again, miss Chardonnay, of this Shogun-Tron character! He sounds like a formidable warrior! And such a fanciful tale of traveling through time!
Chardonnay: So... he's like, this robot-thing, and yeah- he travels through time from ...THE FUTURE... and stuff.
The group laughed.
Sir Talbot: This ...FUTURE... time sounds like an incredible time indeed! And your master, Jackson Steele was it? He is also a time-traveler?
Chardonnay: No, he's a porn star.
Friar Benson: Porn, m'lady?
Chardonnay: Oh yeah, it's like where you have sex with people and everyone else can watch you doing it...
Everybody gasped.
Friar Benson: I feel sick...
Sir Gawain: Please, Friar Benson, do not judge this young lady for she comes from a place where debauchery and sin might be commonplace! She also hails to us from ...THE FUTURE..., remember?
Mortimer: So your master Steele, he is somewhat like a famous bard of our age, yes?
Chardonnay: I don't know what that means.. but EVERYBODY knows who he is! He's not a porn star any more though... he's a wrestler now. Like Shogun-Tron.
Sir Talbot: And they are to commence battle Sunday hence? Uh, Sunday hence from whence you came, of course?
Chardonnay: That's right! In the final of the End Of Days tournament!
A fearful look was passed around the group.
Sir Gawain: The End Of Days, m'lady? What will bring about this End Of Days?
Chardonnay: Well... Jackson said that if Shogun-Tron wins, then the world is going to end. So that, I guess?
Sir Talbot: This is most troubling, Sir Gawain.
Sir Gawain: Fear not Sir Talbot, if this warrior of Steele is half as capable as this young lady has described, then he shall have no trouble averting the End Of Days.
Sir Talbot: I hope for ...THE FUTURE...'s sake you are correct.
Chardonnay was busy biting down on the leg of some animal or other that they had been roasting over the fire.
Chardonnay: Mmm! What was this again?
Mortimer: Pork, m'lady.
Chardonnay: That's like a pig, right? We have those in our time! Actually, the X-Crown Champion is a pig...
She looked at the meat suspiciously and slowly put it down.
Friar Benson: You said if Master Steele is successful in averting the End Of Days then he will be able to challenge the champion? Will he be fighting this pig? Can the pig fight?
Chardonnay: It usually just gets thrown around by its manager.
Sir Talbot: I say, what an utterly confusing time you live in m'lady.
Sir Gawain: Well, you certainly have our backing, miss Chardonnay. If we could, we would travel with you to your time and make certain that Master Steele slays the foul demon Shogun-Tron. Alas, such a feat is not possible without this... "time machine" that you say you traveled here in.
Chardonnay: I know. I don't think it came with me.
She said forlornly. It didn't. It was still in Jackson's garage. Bit of a shit time machine really.
Chardonnay: I suppose that means I;m stuck here... in ...THE PAST...
Her bottom lip quivered and she looked like she was about to cry. Friar Benson comforted her.
Friar Benson: There there, miss. What's done is done, it is the will of the LORD and cannot be changed. We'll look after you.
Sir Gawain: Quite! From now on, you travel with us! Do you have any special skills?
Chardonnay: I can put one leg up really high and get it behind my head!
Sir Gawain: I see... can you play an instrument? A lyre perhaps, or a lute?
Chardonnay: No... I can play the bongos, do you have any bongos?
The men all exchanged confused looks.
Mortimer: Bon...goes?
Chardonnay: Or I could sing?
Sir Talbot: Then it is settled! You shall be our bard! Regale us with ballads of your time! Just... try to stay at the back of the group in battle, so you don't find yourself impaled by a long sword.
Chardonnay: Oh please, I've been impaled by hundreds of long swords. Ok, I'll sing for you! How about My Neck, My Back?
Sir Gawain: Splendid! You shall sing that for us! It sounds like a wonderful song! But first - we toast your brave Master Steele! Though we cannot fight alongside him, we shall raise his banner high in battle! And sing his praises - how does his battle cry go again? Ah yes - because Jackson Steele...
Everybody: ALWAYS COMES FIRST!
TO BE CONTINUED...
In a brand-new spin-off miniseries!