Steele Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Moans
Oct 27, 2017 22:56:49 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Steele, and 1 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Oct 27, 2017 22:56:49 GMT -5
*We open up outside the State House once again. It seems a quiet evening and the town of Bethesda is holding a vote to enact regulations to fight fire with fire. If the business men are going to flood their town with porn, they will have to get an army of their own to make wholesome entertainment. This act of forming an actor brigade would require approval at the State House by the Senate and House. The governor would then have to sign off on it. We see familiar escape car arrive and out comes Nano-Tron er … Nanodala, the mayor. Two random bodyguards are with … her? Him? Him. Let’s be nice to him today.*
: This is a momentous day. The day we take the reins and led the charge to fight back against the porn industry and save this town’s wholesome soul.
*He poses, his pose actually causes him to dodge two laser blasts taking out his bodygyards.*
: Gadzooks! That was close!
*Shogun and Mini Tron come sprinting out of the building.*
: Get inside, it’s an assassination attempt! We’ll chase down who did this!
: You seem … unusually into this today.
:What can I say I love driving and I love driving fast. CAR CHASE BA-BAY!
*Nano shrugs and heads inside to cast his vote while the two original trons hop into a nearby sports car and drive in the direction of the shots. A small motorcycle can be seen driving on the roof of a nearby skyscraper. The trons follow as it steadily makes its way down from taller roofs to smaller ones but eventually runs out of room and drives off a roof. It crashes to the street below. Out crawls Mini-Borg. Mini-Tron pounces on him!*
: YOU! You tried to kill my buddy. That’s not a good look for a … Borg. Who put you up to this? What is your plan?
: I mean I know this is a riff parody and all but is there really any question who put me up to this? And the plan is to kill all you filthy trons and then take over the city of Bethesda … then ALL of Ohio! Using our porn star army … the pornstarmy! Then using this force and the help of Darth Steelious we will destroy and rule … THE AFTERWARD!
*He then poofs away in a cloud of smoke leaving Mini-Tron punching the dirt.*
: No! How did he escape? Isn’t he supposed to commit suicide?
: No the Borgs are crafty, he won’t be seen again though I assure you. Let’s get back to Nano and let the Tron Board of Tronliness know of this. This surely won’t be the last attack on Nano’s life. Or ours.
*We open back at the State House where Nano is in the Senate chamber with a bunch of old men and women. And shockingly even in this Star Wars parody it’s running smoother than D.C. right now. ZING! The debate is heated but civil. Thankfully this is a democracy so no Steele taking over as Supreme Chancellor! They are close to a decision.*
: It is imperative for you as a town to fight back against this company. It isn’t right to let a company throttle your many growing industries, pollute the town, and more importantly ruin your reputation with traffic safety from all the crashes. Look at that poor bike shop! It will also serve the purposes of the Trons who protect this great land. For the bankroller and idea man behind this all is Darth Steelious! A villainous porn star wrestler who has been trying to assassinate the Trons and take over the city with his porn! Forming a counter army of actors willing to be in real movies and forcing the billboards to air the boring stuff will save the city. It is a step we must take.
Senator A: Well we are in agreement but it seems someone has already set up an account for us with an acting troupe. The governor just passed me a note saying an account has been set up and the cadre of actors will be ready soon. The account name is … Henry Mensa Borgios?
: That doesn’t sound familiar. Is he a member of your town? Have you met him?
Senator B: No but the request was filed a while back. Two days after Mister Kanyon paid for the billboards in the first place.
: Um … doesn’t that seem a bit odd to you? … Hrm I should report this to Shogun and Mini and the Tron Board of Tronliness. They will surely want to investigate the facility.
*We open back up in a dark room with a bunch of TV screens that alternate shadowy figures and static. The shadows look distinctly tron-like. Sitting in the room in place of three TVs are Nano, Shogun, and Mini-Trons.*
: It frankly worries me. How is it we with our intimate knowledge of … THE FUTURE … didn’t see this coming? Is Darth Steelious so powerful that he can subvert the very fabric of time?
: It is possible. We must be very careful but at the same time … this is an opportunity. We can use this army to fight the ground battles and it would certainly lessen the burden on us. We also need to track down who is ordering these assassination attempts. Surely the true culprit is Darth Steelious but someone must be his proxy, executing these attacks. Orchestrating the army of “drones” we keep having to fight through. It isn’t usual.
TronTV1: Yes. We in … THE FUTURE … have felt this disturbance. It is echoing throughout time. We propose that Mini take Nanodala back to his office where he can fortify and defend the location and is less likely to suffer an UNTIMELY AND HORRIFIC DEMISE!
: I want a better part in this next time …
TronTV2: Shogun, as the de facto and default leader with the most experience in this time period, go investigate this army. We do not have ANY record of an H.M. Borgos in the records of either normal people or Team Tron. There is a good bet your assassins will be there. And if this actor army is viable … we would be foolish to not take this gift. Surely it won’t backfire on the town of Bethesda or Ohio in general.
TronTV3-5: SURELY NOT!
*The TVs click off.*
: Well on the way back to your office Nano we need to stop by my old place. I left my collection of … um … video … discs … that are certainly for training purposes … there with that snobby golfer. Also he owes me like three weeks of back caddy pay. I’m going to need that cash. The beer here in … THE PAST … pales in comparison to Hyperbeer.
: Someone should really get Hyperion on that … seems foolish to let him wait.
: Well let’s get going kid. We got at least a 45 minute drive ahead of us.
: Yes best of luck! Or … religion? … I don’t know how to spin my catchphrase into this situation so … I won’t.
*They exit. Shogun sits in the room alone and faces the empty chair at the head of the room.*
: Lazor … what would you have done in this situation? You claimed I had completed my training and learned everything I would ever need to know but … I don’t feel like that is true. I think we are always learning. I was still learning in the years we all went missing while XHF was in disrepair. I was still learning how to manage grief, how to control my own destiny. I was still learning when you saved Nelly Angel. And in this very tournament. I have found a new reason to lead. I have overcome more than any Tron has ever had to in so short a time coming from so long a layoff. I have overcome the high flying, world champion of a defunct fed … and a true friend … in your honor. I learned how to control my own tempo and body. I learned to adjust to a unique situation.
*He stands up*
: I was still learning when I had to go toe to toe with a brutal human being, the messiah of hardcore. I had to bring out the stamina and endurance. Someone of my size and frame … shouldn’t have stood a chance against that aggression and insanity. But I persevered and found the flaw in his game. And I returned the brutality in the end. A new element to my already perplexing style.
*He begins to exit the building*
: I was still learning when I came face to face with a self-proclaimed God. And honestly after the beating he gave me … I believe it. But I had to learn to get around the amazing size and strength difference. Tactics, speed, agility … All had to be completely perfect and in sync. Not bad for a … “joke” huh Lazor. I hope I can make you proud.
*Bongo walks by on his way to buy some BANG Fish Attractant Spray from a local cart vendor.*
: I’m sure you’re making him proud son.
*He puts a hand on Shogun then walks off. Shogun nods as if reaffirmed.*
: And now … I am still learning. How to lead, and how to prosper. Jackson Steele has a history so far or winning … He is bigger than me … he is stronger than me … and his endurance is … legendary. But … so is mine. And mine is entirely honed to the ring. He can’t fly as well as Nelly, he isn’t as big as Hyperion, and he isn’t as brutal and violent as Price. But he is the first opponent I’ve faced in over a decade who is a true all-around talent. Nelly isn’t strong or imposing. Price isn’t technical or savvy. Hyperion isn’t fast, agile, or nimble. And now… he has built a time machine. And … what’s more … it worked? I don’t understand how he created a machine to do what took us centuries to adapt and perfect. And without a vehicle or armor to protect him from the radiation of the time stream. This suit I wear isn’t for show, it’s to protect me from the chronal radiation that comes with being time displaced. Sure it isn’t a suit of armor like Hyperion’s. It’s really just a helmet and a gauntlet that differ from what any wrestler might wear. But it is honed to protect my life and my mind. Steele has obviously played with forces he doesn’t understand. The moans he is always making in his movies … I understand. It is a side effect from all his crazy experiments. He is not right in the mind. And what’s more … if these billboards are to be believed … it’s contagious. Every woman he wrestles has suffered the same way. And now he has lost three associates in the time stream ... unprotected.
*He hops into the SHOGUN-MOBILE! It’s like the Punisher’s van … except it’s a regular van.*
: But … there is still the other one. He relies on her. EUREKA! That is the twist, that is what I have to learn to deal with … a manager. I understand. Still learning. Still overcoming. A tron through and through I am. Now let’s see if I can derail Darth Steelious the same way.
*He drives off to the local actor’s union to see the “army” that has been brought together.*
*Mini and Nano approach the golf course. They park and hop out. Mini low fives the valet and enters the club. Nano is being told he isn’t a member and has to wait outside.*
: But … I’m the mayor! … This is a PUBLIC course!
*Suddenly a roar of rage is heard inside and then the sounds of glass breaking, things being thrown, screams of terror, and general destruction noises. After a few seconds of waiting Mini walks out.*
: Mini what is it!?
: That idiot … Shooter McGavin … he stole all my DVDs and then left without paying his dues. They tried to tell me I was on the hook for it leaving me out my things, my money, and my job. I … I destroyed the golf course. I ruined their livelihoods. … I hate grass … it’s green and allergenic. It gets everywhere. We need to leave.
: Mini is it because you are angry?
: No I set fire to the greens. We need to go. And not to your office, I ain’t doing any of that lovey dovey crap. Let’s find out where these nameless minions keep coming from and stop them. My guess is the football arena.
: Why do you think that?
: I’ve seen the movies kid. Only place in town big enough to have some kind of recruitment factory and a battle arena.
: Oh. Yeah let’s go.
: I’m driving.
*Shogun arrives at the actor’s union and admires the pool outside. As he walks up to the door a tall woman opens it and greets him.*
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: Ah Mister Tron. We were informed you were coming. Please come in and meet the union. They have been dying to meet you.
*Shogun looks confused. This woman looks familiar but … much taller than she is in his memory.*
: You look very much like a woman I know from XHF.
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: Oh that is quite impossible. I’ve worked here as long as I can remember. It gives me a sense of … Serenity …
: Yes. Well. I am interested to see this group. Who put them together? Surely someone had to vouch for the backgrounds of these actors.
: That would be me. Can’t believe I’m doing this. I am Stacy Fett. I’ve been expecting you. Your benefactor spared no expense on this union. Some of them were even able to afford TWO gold yachts. But yes they are all on board for whatever you need them for Mister Tron.
*A little person who looks just like Stacy walks by*
: Um … and who is this?
: Oh this is my um … daughter? Clone? Whatever. She won’t be important unless this whole ordeal WELL overstays its welcome and she’ll probably do very little other than one major story point then go out like a total punk. Whatever. I need to get back to my … office. Come Little Stacy.
*She leaves. As she does Shogun thinks and tosses a tracer onto Little Stacy’s back.*
: Well this all seems in order Miss Serenity. The town of Bethesda and state of Ohio thank you for helping us in this time of need. I must be getting back to the Board of Tronliness. I appreciate your time.
*He slowly exits and checks his TRONLINE! … flip phone … to follow the tracking signal.*
*We open up an hour later in the local football stadium. We are in a penthouse that is oddly like a porno set. A shadowy figure is in the center of the room. The door opens and in walks Stacy Fett.*
: Jackson are we really doing this? Look at what I’m wearing. How did I get roped into this. This isn’t even one of your promos. And I don’t ever remember meeting these associates of yours. This is so stupid. Can we focus?
: But I am focused. You wanted me to win my match and what better way than to destroy the Trons? And taking over the town? I can assure I win EVERY match without ever having to train or study again. And this is only the beginning! Besides this is the way they programmed me to feel.
: Well even whatever this version of me is finds this pathetic and stupid. And we’re wasting time.
: Look just go down to the arena. I am betting our prey will have followed you here. We must be ready for the show. Meet up with our friend Mister Borgos.
:Ugh he is worse than Scorpion. He speaks in song lyrics too but he is way sillier… and creepier. Fine but you owe me. And don’t think just because this is some parody I won’t call that favor back in reality.
: Don’t do me like that. We have an alliance and I intend to deliver my end of it. They took the bait. Now I will drag them down and sell them out … run away! Now Miss Stacy. Your mom has got it going on … let’s get to the battlefield. Time keeps on slipping … into the AFTERWARD! DOOOOOOOOOKUUUUUU!
*HeavyMetal Borg leads her out. Yes he said Dooku instead of Woop so sue me. Slip of the tongue … fingers … whatever.*
*Shogun enters the arena carefully. As he walks in he sees an army of guards, business men, porn stars, and some general muscle heads with a lot of laser weaponry. He turns the corner and sees Stacy Fett standing there.*
: WOOOOOOOOOP!
*HM Borg comes from above as if gliding and clobbers Shogun in the head with a bass drum. The valiant hero is out cold.*
: No sun, in the shadow of the wizard! See how he glides, why he’s lighter than air. I’ll build a tower of stone … with your flesh and bone. You silly tron. You should have known, we’re not gonna take it anymore!
: Wow. You brained the poor bastard. You must feel pretty proud.
: I can’t feel anything that’s under my control. I won’t do anything that’s out of my control.
*Just then Nano and Mini walk in. They are too busy talking and walk right up to the downed Shogun.*
: I’m going to hell! It’s a f*cked up world what do you get? ….. MESSED UP TRONS!
*He hits the with a floor tom and a snare.*
: *he dances* Oooh I can feel it, oooh I can feel it, wooooop I can feel it coming down! Be happy this requires spectacle to please Darth Steelious or I’d have you Drinking with Jesus!
*they pick up all three trons and bring them to the arena and tie them to posts in the center.*
*All three trons begin to stir and wake up. They look around and see a crowd full of the army of the enemy.*
: Oh it’s one of THOSE kind of days. I’m not drunk enough for this.
: So um …we followed your lead and tried to help Shogun!
: Well. A for effort. It would seem for some reason paying for an actor army was all a plot for us to discover … for me to follow … and to end up here. That’s kind of a long con if you ask me. Thankfully I made a call before I came. The trons from … THE FUTURE … may not be able to come to our aid, but with the money we have been saving from our wrestling exploits …
: Welcome to the Jungle! You’re gonna DIE!!! WOOOOOOOOOP! Who let the dogs out? ME!
*he releases a bunch of random beasts into the arena. Out of nowhere comes a bunch of laser blasts then leaping into the middle of the arena is MAGNUS WINDU!*
: BLISS BITCHES! The cavalry is here! I couldn’t resist a parody like this. It’s too in my character! Also. I’m a motherfucking badass! I don’t even get bleeped!
*A monster approaches him. He slices it in half with a purple blade … shaped like his own head*
: SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKA!
*From behind Magnus comes in some more of the newly recruited Tron Proxies!*
: Amazing what you can do with money, amazing what people will do for money. Even for goofy trons.
*Out walks Bongo dressed as a nameless Tron knight. Behind him is DT Unduli. And with his face painted like Yoda is Alex McCloud! … Oh what?
They approach and free the trapped Trons and the army in the crowd descends on them all. Stacy Fett runs in at Magnus.*
: What wait, who the hell are you? You’re ruining everything!
: I am the one who knocks.
: What?
: Stop saying what.
: What??
: Say what one more time!!!
: Or what?
*He cuts her in half*
: Wait what!? I die? Oh that is some bullsh..
*HM Borg drops down in front of them and reveals … a beam guitar as his weapon.*
: No no I’m here for the army. You fight those guys in the funny suits. Maybe I’ll find Goldbear here.
: Shogun, Mini, Nano … you guys fight the weird guy who keeps trying to deafen us with wooops. Magnus, Bongo and I can handle things here with the ACTOR ARMY!
*Just them Bongo is violently eviscerated by a laser blast from a porn star.*
: I sense a running theme here. I lied it wasn’t enough money.
*The trons give chase and meet up with HM Borg inside the locker room.*
: Mama said knock you out! Don’t call it a comeback I been here for years. WOOOP!
*Mini charges at him but he just uses the beam guitar to crush his right arm into a shapeless mess. Shogun duels him for a while but HM is too unpredictable and kicks him away then plays a note on his beam guitar and sends Shogun flying. Just then Yoda McCloud approaches.*
: I finally get a starring role. I intend to earn my payday. Call it a revelation.
*They begin to battle but seem evenly matched. McCloud is somersaulting all around and being real nimble like the cruiserweight he is.*
: You are a valiant foe but I am better!
: Counting all the assholes in the room. ONE YOU! Now GoodBye Forever!
: OH NO!
*He lunges but McCloud dodges! HM sees he is in a bad position and wisely retreats to regroup.*
: I’m the man with the plan. I got a superweapon in my hand. We will meet again. WOOOOOOOOP!
: He is escaping! … Oh blast it all. We need to regroup. What is their game plan. They must be stopped before End of Days!
: Yes but your friend needs help for his arm.
: Not like I was using it with my por… DVDs gone … yeah. Fine let’s go. I’m tired anyway. Blood loss maybe?
: Since when do we fail? And … since when was HM Borg at all competent?
: Movie logic bro.
*We fade out …….. for now …*
: This is a momentous day. The day we take the reins and led the charge to fight back against the porn industry and save this town’s wholesome soul.*He poses, his pose actually causes him to dodge two laser blasts taking out his bodygyards.*
: Gadzooks! That was close!*Shogun and Mini Tron come sprinting out of the building.*
: Get inside, it’s an assassination attempt! We’ll chase down who did this!: You seem … unusually into this today.:What can I say I love driving and I love driving fast. CAR CHASE BA-BAY!*Nano shrugs and heads inside to cast his vote while the two original trons hop into a nearby sports car and drive in the direction of the shots. A small motorcycle can be seen driving on the roof of a nearby skyscraper. The trons follow as it steadily makes its way down from taller roofs to smaller ones but eventually runs out of room and drives off a roof. It crashes to the street below. Out crawls Mini-Borg. Mini-Tron pounces on him!*
: YOU! You tried to kill my buddy. That’s not a good look for a … Borg. Who put you up to this? What is your plan?: I mean I know this is a riff parody and all but is there really any question who put me up to this? And the plan is to kill all you filthy trons and then take over the city of Bethesda … then ALL of Ohio! Using our porn star army … the pornstarmy! Then using this force and the help of Darth Steelious we will destroy and rule … THE AFTERWARD!*He then poofs away in a cloud of smoke leaving Mini-Tron punching the dirt.*
: No! How did he escape? Isn’t he supposed to commit suicide?: No the Borgs are crafty, he won’t be seen again though I assure you. Let’s get back to Nano and let the Tron Board of Tronliness know of this. This surely won’t be the last attack on Nano’s life. Or ours.*We open back at the State House where Nano is in the Senate chamber with a bunch of old men and women. And shockingly even in this Star Wars parody it’s running smoother than D.C. right now. ZING! The debate is heated but civil. Thankfully this is a democracy so no Steele taking over as Supreme Chancellor! They are close to a decision.*
: It is imperative for you as a town to fight back against this company. It isn’t right to let a company throttle your many growing industries, pollute the town, and more importantly ruin your reputation with traffic safety from all the crashes. Look at that poor bike shop! It will also serve the purposes of the Trons who protect this great land. For the bankroller and idea man behind this all is Darth Steelious! A villainous porn star wrestler who has been trying to assassinate the Trons and take over the city with his porn! Forming a counter army of actors willing to be in real movies and forcing the billboards to air the boring stuff will save the city. It is a step we must take.Senator A: Well we are in agreement but it seems someone has already set up an account for us with an acting troupe. The governor just passed me a note saying an account has been set up and the cadre of actors will be ready soon. The account name is … Henry Mensa Borgios?
: That doesn’t sound familiar. Is he a member of your town? Have you met him?Senator B: No but the request was filed a while back. Two days after Mister Kanyon paid for the billboards in the first place.
: Um … doesn’t that seem a bit odd to you? … Hrm I should report this to Shogun and Mini and the Tron Board of Tronliness. They will surely want to investigate the facility.*We open back up in a dark room with a bunch of TV screens that alternate shadowy figures and static. The shadows look distinctly tron-like. Sitting in the room in place of three TVs are Nano, Shogun, and Mini-Trons.*
: It frankly worries me. How is it we with our intimate knowledge of … THE FUTURE … didn’t see this coming? Is Darth Steelious so powerful that he can subvert the very fabric of time?: It is possible. We must be very careful but at the same time … this is an opportunity. We can use this army to fight the ground battles and it would certainly lessen the burden on us. We also need to track down who is ordering these assassination attempts. Surely the true culprit is Darth Steelious but someone must be his proxy, executing these attacks. Orchestrating the army of “drones” we keep having to fight through. It isn’t usual.TronTV1: Yes. We in … THE FUTURE … have felt this disturbance. It is echoing throughout time. We propose that Mini take Nanodala back to his office where he can fortify and defend the location and is less likely to suffer an UNTIMELY AND HORRIFIC DEMISE!
: I want a better part in this next time …TronTV2: Shogun, as the de facto and default leader with the most experience in this time period, go investigate this army. We do not have ANY record of an H.M. Borgos in the records of either normal people or Team Tron. There is a good bet your assassins will be there. And if this actor army is viable … we would be foolish to not take this gift. Surely it won’t backfire on the town of Bethesda or Ohio in general.
TronTV3-5: SURELY NOT!
*The TVs click off.*
: Well on the way back to your office Nano we need to stop by my old place. I left my collection of … um … video … discs … that are certainly for training purposes … there with that snobby golfer. Also he owes me like three weeks of back caddy pay. I’m going to need that cash. The beer here in … THE PAST … pales in comparison to Hyperbeer.: Someone should really get Hyperion on that … seems foolish to let him wait.: Well let’s get going kid. We got at least a 45 minute drive ahead of us.: Yes best of luck! Or … religion? … I don’t know how to spin my catchphrase into this situation so … I won’t.*They exit. Shogun sits in the room alone and faces the empty chair at the head of the room.*
: Lazor … what would you have done in this situation? You claimed I had completed my training and learned everything I would ever need to know but … I don’t feel like that is true. I think we are always learning. I was still learning in the years we all went missing while XHF was in disrepair. I was still learning how to manage grief, how to control my own destiny. I was still learning when you saved Nelly Angel. And in this very tournament. I have found a new reason to lead. I have overcome more than any Tron has ever had to in so short a time coming from so long a layoff. I have overcome the high flying, world champion of a defunct fed … and a true friend … in your honor. I learned how to control my own tempo and body. I learned to adjust to a unique situation.*He stands up*
: I was still learning when I had to go toe to toe with a brutal human being, the messiah of hardcore. I had to bring out the stamina and endurance. Someone of my size and frame … shouldn’t have stood a chance against that aggression and insanity. But I persevered and found the flaw in his game. And I returned the brutality in the end. A new element to my already perplexing style.*He begins to exit the building*
: I was still learning when I came face to face with a self-proclaimed God. And honestly after the beating he gave me … I believe it. But I had to learn to get around the amazing size and strength difference. Tactics, speed, agility … All had to be completely perfect and in sync. Not bad for a … “joke” huh Lazor. I hope I can make you proud.*Bongo walks by on his way to buy some BANG Fish Attractant Spray from a local cart vendor.*
: I’m sure you’re making him proud son.*He puts a hand on Shogun then walks off. Shogun nods as if reaffirmed.*
: And now … I am still learning. How to lead, and how to prosper. Jackson Steele has a history so far or winning … He is bigger than me … he is stronger than me … and his endurance is … legendary. But … so is mine. And mine is entirely honed to the ring. He can’t fly as well as Nelly, he isn’t as big as Hyperion, and he isn’t as brutal and violent as Price. But he is the first opponent I’ve faced in over a decade who is a true all-around talent. Nelly isn’t strong or imposing. Price isn’t technical or savvy. Hyperion isn’t fast, agile, or nimble. And now… he has built a time machine. And … what’s more … it worked? I don’t understand how he created a machine to do what took us centuries to adapt and perfect. And without a vehicle or armor to protect him from the radiation of the time stream. This suit I wear isn’t for show, it’s to protect me from the chronal radiation that comes with being time displaced. Sure it isn’t a suit of armor like Hyperion’s. It’s really just a helmet and a gauntlet that differ from what any wrestler might wear. But it is honed to protect my life and my mind. Steele has obviously played with forces he doesn’t understand. The moans he is always making in his movies … I understand. It is a side effect from all his crazy experiments. He is not right in the mind. And what’s more … if these billboards are to be believed … it’s contagious. Every woman he wrestles has suffered the same way. And now he has lost three associates in the time stream ... unprotected.*He hops into the SHOGUN-MOBILE! It’s like the Punisher’s van … except it’s a regular van.*
: But … there is still the other one. He relies on her. EUREKA! That is the twist, that is what I have to learn to deal with … a manager. I understand. Still learning. Still overcoming. A tron through and through I am. Now let’s see if I can derail Darth Steelious the same way.*He drives off to the local actor’s union to see the “army” that has been brought together.*
*Mini and Nano approach the golf course. They park and hop out. Mini low fives the valet and enters the club. Nano is being told he isn’t a member and has to wait outside.*
: But … I’m the mayor! … This is a PUBLIC course!*Suddenly a roar of rage is heard inside and then the sounds of glass breaking, things being thrown, screams of terror, and general destruction noises. After a few seconds of waiting Mini walks out.*
: Mini what is it!?: That idiot … Shooter McGavin … he stole all my DVDs and then left without paying his dues. They tried to tell me I was on the hook for it leaving me out my things, my money, and my job. I … I destroyed the golf course. I ruined their livelihoods. … I hate grass … it’s green and allergenic. It gets everywhere. We need to leave.: Mini is it because you are angry?: No I set fire to the greens. We need to go. And not to your office, I ain’t doing any of that lovey dovey crap. Let’s find out where these nameless minions keep coming from and stop them. My guess is the football arena.: Why do you think that?: I’ve seen the movies kid. Only place in town big enough to have some kind of recruitment factory and a battle arena.: Oh. Yeah let’s go.: I’m driving.*Shogun arrives at the actor’s union and admires the pool outside. As he walks up to the door a tall woman opens it and greets him.*
*Shogun looks confused. This woman looks familiar but … much taller than she is in his memory.*
: You look very much like a woman I know from XHF.: Yes. Well. I am interested to see this group. Who put them together? Surely someone had to vouch for the backgrounds of these actors.: That would be me. Can’t believe I’m doing this. I am Stacy Fett. I’ve been expecting you. Your benefactor spared no expense on this union. Some of them were even able to afford TWO gold yachts. But yes they are all on board for whatever you need them for Mister Tron.*A little person who looks just like Stacy walks by*
: Um … and who is this?: Oh this is my um … daughter? Clone? Whatever. She won’t be important unless this whole ordeal WELL overstays its welcome and she’ll probably do very little other than one major story point then go out like a total punk. Whatever. I need to get back to my … office. Come Little Stacy.*She leaves. As she does Shogun thinks and tosses a tracer onto Little Stacy’s back.*
: Well this all seems in order Miss Serenity. The town of Bethesda and state of Ohio thank you for helping us in this time of need. I must be getting back to the Board of Tronliness. I appreciate your time.*He slowly exits and checks his TRONLINE! … flip phone … to follow the tracking signal.*
*We open up an hour later in the local football stadium. We are in a penthouse that is oddly like a porno set. A shadowy figure is in the center of the room. The door opens and in walks Stacy Fett.*
: Jackson are we really doing this? Look at what I’m wearing. How did I get roped into this. This isn’t even one of your promos. And I don’t ever remember meeting these associates of yours. This is so stupid. Can we focus?: But I am focused. You wanted me to win my match and what better way than to destroy the Trons? And taking over the town? I can assure I win EVERY match without ever having to train or study again. And this is only the beginning! Besides this is the way they programmed me to feel.: Well even whatever this version of me is finds this pathetic and stupid. And we’re wasting time.: Look just go down to the arena. I am betting our prey will have followed you here. We must be ready for the show. Meet up with our friend Mister Borgos.:Ugh he is worse than Scorpion. He speaks in song lyrics too but he is way sillier… and creepier. Fine but you owe me. And don’t think just because this is some parody I won’t call that favor back in reality.: Don’t do me like that. We have an alliance and I intend to deliver my end of it. They took the bait. Now I will drag them down and sell them out … run away! Now Miss Stacy. Your mom has got it going on … let’s get to the battlefield. Time keeps on slipping … into the AFTERWARD! DOOOOOOOOOKUUUUUU!*HeavyMetal Borg leads her out. Yes he said Dooku instead of Woop so sue me. Slip of the tongue … fingers … whatever.*
*Shogun enters the arena carefully. As he walks in he sees an army of guards, business men, porn stars, and some general muscle heads with a lot of laser weaponry. He turns the corner and sees Stacy Fett standing there.*
: WOOOOOOOOOP!*HM Borg comes from above as if gliding and clobbers Shogun in the head with a bass drum. The valiant hero is out cold.*
: No sun, in the shadow of the wizard! See how he glides, why he’s lighter than air. I’ll build a tower of stone … with your flesh and bone. You silly tron. You should have known, we’re not gonna take it anymore!: Wow. You brained the poor bastard. You must feel pretty proud.: I can’t feel anything that’s under my control. I won’t do anything that’s out of my control.*Just then Nano and Mini walk in. They are too busy talking and walk right up to the downed Shogun.*
: I’m going to hell! It’s a f*cked up world what do you get? ….. MESSED UP TRONS!*He hits the with a floor tom and a snare.*
: *he dances* Oooh I can feel it, oooh I can feel it, wooooop I can feel it coming down! Be happy this requires spectacle to please Darth Steelious or I’d have you Drinking with Jesus!*they pick up all three trons and bring them to the arena and tie them to posts in the center.*
*All three trons begin to stir and wake up. They look around and see a crowd full of the army of the enemy.*
: Oh it’s one of THOSE kind of days. I’m not drunk enough for this.: So um …we followed your lead and tried to help Shogun!: Well. A for effort. It would seem for some reason paying for an actor army was all a plot for us to discover … for me to follow … and to end up here. That’s kind of a long con if you ask me. Thankfully I made a call before I came. The trons from … THE FUTURE … may not be able to come to our aid, but with the money we have been saving from our wrestling exploits …: Welcome to the Jungle! You’re gonna DIE!!! WOOOOOOOOOP! Who let the dogs out? ME!*he releases a bunch of random beasts into the arena. Out of nowhere comes a bunch of laser blasts then leaping into the middle of the arena is MAGNUS WINDU!*
: BLISS BITCHES! The cavalry is here! I couldn’t resist a parody like this. It’s too in my character! Also. I’m a motherfucking badass! I don’t even get bleeped!*A monster approaches him. He slices it in half with a purple blade … shaped like his own head*
: SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKA!*From behind Magnus comes in some more of the newly recruited Tron Proxies!*
: Amazing what you can do with money, amazing what people will do for money. Even for goofy trons.*Out walks Bongo dressed as a nameless Tron knight. Behind him is DT Unduli. And with his face painted like Yoda is Alex McCloud! … Oh what?
They approach and free the trapped Trons and the army in the crowd descends on them all. Stacy Fett runs in at Magnus.*: What wait, who the hell are you? You’re ruining everything!: I am the one who knocks.: What?: Stop saying what.: What??: Say what one more time!!!: Or what?*He cuts her in half*
: Wait what!? I die? Oh that is some bullsh..*HM Borg drops down in front of them and reveals … a beam guitar as his weapon.*
: No no I’m here for the army. You fight those guys in the funny suits. Maybe I’ll find Goldbear here.: Shogun, Mini, Nano … you guys fight the weird guy who keeps trying to deafen us with wooops. Magnus, Bongo and I can handle things here with the ACTOR ARMY!*Just them Bongo is violently eviscerated by a laser blast from a porn star.*
: I sense a running theme here. I lied it wasn’t enough money.*The trons give chase and meet up with HM Borg inside the locker room.*
: Mama said knock you out! Don’t call it a comeback I been here for years. WOOOP!*Mini charges at him but he just uses the beam guitar to crush his right arm into a shapeless mess. Shogun duels him for a while but HM is too unpredictable and kicks him away then plays a note on his beam guitar and sends Shogun flying. Just then Yoda McCloud approaches.*
: I finally get a starring role. I intend to earn my payday. Call it a revelation.*They begin to battle but seem evenly matched. McCloud is somersaulting all around and being real nimble like the cruiserweight he is.*
: You are a valiant foe but I am better!: Counting all the assholes in the room. ONE YOU! Now GoodBye Forever!: OH NO!*He lunges but McCloud dodges! HM sees he is in a bad position and wisely retreats to regroup.*
: I’m the man with the plan. I got a superweapon in my hand. We will meet again. WOOOOOOOOP!: He is escaping! … Oh blast it all. We need to regroup. What is their game plan. They must be stopped before End of Days!: Yes but your friend needs help for his arm.: Not like I was using it with my por… DVDs gone … yeah. Fine let’s go. I’m tired anyway. Blood loss maybe?: Since when do we fail? And … since when was HM Borg at all competent?: Movie logic bro.*We fade out …….. for now …*
