Not your typical Barbie Girl

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They say that music can trigger a memory, for example a certain song can make someone remember their first kiss, or sometimes when a baby enters the world, or maybe something a little more negative as in when the person that you love walks out of your life. Song can trigger memories some can be good, and some can be bad, but still it is a passage to a memory



So that what I did, I lied on my bed and let the radio play all day, hoping that some song would come on that would make me remember something at least, some kind of memory of my past, maybe a picture in my head, hell I might even remember who the hell Justin is. But that’s the thing with memory for the last 8 months I’ve tried so many different method to get something jump started in my head, hell I even tried getting in a ring with a 7ft monster who beat the hell out of me during and after the match, the guy hit me so hard I forgot who I was suppose to be facing this week, I don’t know why but I had the idea I was facing Dylan Black, turns out I’m facing someone different, I’m facing S T E V E D A C K L E, so if I forget your name Steve I’m so sorry I got more important thing to think about like finding what my real name is, let alone remember everyone else’s name.



It seems like I was side tracked for a second there, I think I was talking about music, and song and memories, So lying on the couch cuddling into a love bomb cuddly cushion as music is turned up and hopeful the memories start to flood.

  

So Barbie girl starts to play and I start to feel sick, I mean I can’t see myself as a Barbie girl, then again what is a Barbie girl, its kinda freaky if you think about it 

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world 

Life in plastic, it's fantastic 

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere 

Imagination, life is your creation 

I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world 

Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly 

You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamor in pink 

Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky 

You can touch 

you can play 

if you say "I'm always yours" 

I’m a blonde freaking bimbo girl, I mean did people actually sing to this, can you imagine little kids running down the street singing “kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky”, god this song is so wrong on so many different levels, the worst is that its annoying catchy, but god its not helping my memory, time to put another song on, maybe less pop.



Teen spirit by Nirvana, and my start to instance starts to tap on the floor, but I start to listen to the lyrics hopefully some thing would make me sing along, something would click, I know I’ve heard the song before, but so some reason I just cant still put the pieces together. I know listening to the lyrics it’s a pretty nonsense song with a great beat, but sadly great beat doesn’t mean great memories

Maybe another song, I don’t know who Katy Perry is, but the song Roar sounds interesting, as I listen to the lyric, the song work its does bring back memories but its does bring back old memories but new ones, memories of my debut for FWA


 

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath 

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess 

So I sat quietly, agreed politely 

I guess that I forgot I had a choice 

I let you push me past the breaking point 

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything 

You held me down, but I got up (hey!) 

Already brushing off the dust 

You hear my voice, your hear that sound 

Like thunder, gonna shake your ground 

You held me down, but I got up 

The lyrics remind me of me, basically I was quite and nervous and totally unsure of myself, where it relates to entering the ring, I entered the ring and I stood for nothing, I was naïve, when I turned my back to Wyatt after the match, but I GOT UP, and you better start hearing my voice and you will hear that sound 

Get ready 'cause I've had enough 

I see it all, I see it now 

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter 

Dancing through the fire 

'Cause I am the champion, and you're gonna hear me roar 

Louder, louder than a lion 

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar! 

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh 

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh 

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh 

You're gonna hear me roar! 

Now I'm floating like a butterfly 

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes 

I went from zero, to my own hero 

You held me down, but I got up (hey!) 

Already brushing off the dust 

You hear my voice, your hear that sound 

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground 

Louder, louder than a lion 

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar! 

You're gonna hear me roar! 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I mean I was overjoyed in lasting one match without being killed, bonus for me 😊, then you realise that I was held down but I got up, I walked to the ring to face Dylan Black (yes I got that name right….I think), but he walked away, so I should have been in the final 

I see it all, I see it now, I see it now, this FWA is suppose to be this great hardcore federation, and lets look at the picture, Lethe is in the final to face the winner of Jackson Grace or Steve Dackle (why does that name sound familiar). Now Duke is a businessman imagine the first champion in FWA was this little girl who is the opposite to everything related to the image of a hardcore wrestler, imagine how the reputation of FWA would start to fall with me as a title holder, So what does Duke do, he announces that I’m not fit to fight and that the semi-final is now the final, problem solved take little lethe out of the picture. The trouble is I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I’m going to the champion and you’re gonna hear me roar, I went from a zero to my own hero, Duke held me down, but I got up, already brushing off the dust. Duke, I might not be the picture-perfect example of an hardcore wrestler, hell I’m probably not the perfect example of a wrestler, but I am fighter, and I’m been fighting ever since I woke up in hospital, fighting maybe a different fight from what you might be used to, but I’ve been fighting an internal mental battle, and it’s a fight that I’m not backing down from.  

Wow I guess that I want you call vent some anger issues, dam feels good to vent some anger, maybe wrestling does mean a lot more to me that I originally thought. 

So I got this match against S T E V E   D A C K L E, it some kind of qualification match to the world title of FWA or something like that, wonder what Mr D is thinking, maybe he’s thinking that I was a one shot wonder, I got lucky or that Wyatt made too many mistakes. Will Mr D make mistakes?, will he underestimate me?, hell I don’t know what the hell I’m doing in the ring half the time, probably all the time. It strange that I’m not 100% sure about myself while walking to the ring, but as soon as I hear that bell, something clicks, and my instincts kick it, I don’t know how I did a hurricane, I just did it without thinking, and that’s the problem I got to compete without thinking, it’s a more of a survival game for me, I know I’m over my head in FWA, but there is something inside of me, that what’s to prove something I know it’s a strange thing to say, but I can feel it inside of me.  

You know after hearing that im not facing Dylan Black, I mean imagine talking about an opponent then finding out you are not actually facing him, imagine the looks and the laughter that I’m getting, calling me a rookie or stupid sometimes both, but that’s fine because I do feel like I am a rookie, but I don’t act like a rookie in the ring, it’s so strange. 

So I looked up S t e v e D a c k l e , and you know when you look at something then wished you never say what you say, I’m in that kind of position. Mr D is a freaking ex-marine, I wish I could remember there moto, but its probably something fierce and scary but something dam cool, but this Mr D is damaged good, hey join the gang, damaged goods vs damaged goods, 2 personalities vs no personality, lol. On a serious note Mr D was tortured for a couple of days, I’ve been torturing myself for months, I know its not on the same page, but there are probably people out in the world that have been tortured for long and didn’t come out of it like a freaking bouncing ball. I know that Mr D will look at me and thinking seek and destroy, I will look at Mr D and think run like hell, come on I’m just Lethe I’m not military trained, I’m no big huge dumb son of a monster, I’m not your classically trained wrestler. I’m just this normal gal who signed herself out of the hospital in the hope to find herself, and found herself in a shit load of trouble by signing a fwa contract.  

Got to be honest with you Mr D, you are going to face a lot of opponents that will face you that they will say that they will beat you, and make comments like your two day of torture seem like a holiday compared with what I am going to do to you, and call you a stepping stone to bigger things, however I’m not one of those opponents, I don’t think I can beat you, hell I sometimes wonder do I really need to enter the ring against these guys to find my marbles, maybe its better those marbles stayed lost instead of squashed. I’m not here to beat you or talk trash about you, I will let some other wrestler do that, I’m just here to survival and that’s all, I just need to find out who I am, I need to know what I am, this is not a physical battle I am facing it a mental battle and you off all people should fully understand that, so please take it easy on me. 

Lethe takes a deep breath as Evanescence - Bring Me To Life, start to play on the radio, she freeze as she hear the song start, and suddenly she starts to sing along with the song, word perfect, and as she does tears flow from her eyes….she get a flashback, she is standing at ringside she can hear the crowd yelling and jeering and she is watching someone compete in the ring, then she is back to reality. She hurries to find the key and letter, and she holds the key tight 

That song is me, and song has a connection with me, just listen to the lyrics  

Wake me up inside 

Wake me up inside 

Call my name and save me from the dark 

Bid my blood to run 

Before I come undone 

Save me from the nothing I've become 

Now that I know what I'm without 

You can't just leave me 

Breathe into me and make me real 

Bring me to life 

I need someone to tell me my name, I need to be saved from the nothing I’ve become, please make me real 

As Lethe holds the key tight and looks at the letter from Justin, she looks at the key and the letter, 

 

“Justin…….Justin……..holy fuck Justin Willow, I know who wrote me the letter Justin Willow, one small problem who the fuck is Justin Willow, but I remembered something I found another jigsaw piece?”