The RSW Logo fills the screen. Slowly, images start to bleed through; Red swirls, white, black dots…..As more and more of the image bleeds through the logo the screen pans up at a Xmas tree. An old sign swings in the wind above it, its states “RSW’s presents AnarChristmas” on it in flaky paint. On the hoarding are various pictures of RSW superstars painted on them painted in Xmas costumes.
A camera flies around the building, passed the stage; to the announce table eventually to the wrestling ring. It is surrounded by a mass of human debauchery; Piercing, tattoos, mingling with the weirdest fashions as they gather behind the barriers. The whole place is like a flaming mosh pit - bodies walk across heads of people while others get tossed and thrown. This crowd is determined to be a part of history. The lights go out.
Spotlights cut through the murky darkness of the room while generic dance music blares around it. The sound of the crowd, barely visible in the darkness, is a rumble in the darkness, not unlike the sound of an enraged animal.
They are cheering on Riot Star Wrestling’s AnarChristmas pay per view.
Quick cuts of various wrestlers from around the world flash onto the big screen. It’s a spectacle, and we see bits and snippets of it all, the finishers, the blows, the bloodshed, the brutality. The picture bleeds red until we see RSW's the Tag Championship Belts.
VOICE: Dreams have to begin somewhere so why not tonight?
Two wrestlers face off in the ring. The first one is slamming the other in the head over and over, with the second blow, blood starts to spray, but the first fighter doesn't stop hitting, crazed look is in his eye, as the referee jumps in to stop him.
VOICE: The squared circle holds that beginning for those that enter it.
Shots of other wrestlers flash on the screen until it stop on another, going through a beautiful Tai Chi form. It is very peaceful and graceful. The form ends with a palm strike towards the screen, blacking it out. The ring lights up in a huge blood-red light.
VOICE: Welcome to Riot Star Wrestling.
The camera pans to the ringside where we see Joseph Greer dressed in his suit and his broadcast partner Tommy Onions dressed in a colourful t-shirt with a picture of Frank Windsor on it and jeans.
JOSEPH GREER: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to our first show from 2018 from none other than Mexico. Glad to see you have joined us, and hope you'll enjoy yourselves here.
TOMMY ONIONS: Most definitely. We’ve got some amazing matches tonight.
JOSEPH GREER: The Family’s Havok’s got a lot to do tonight, don’t you think so Tommy?
TOMMY ONIONS: Yes, first he has to defend his RSW Legacy Championship belt against the Modern Day Viking and then he has a chance to get the RSW Tag Championship belts from the Bastards.
JOSEPH GREER: Havok’s got a mountain to climb.
TOMMY ONIONS: I’ve heard some rumours about him but I’ll keep that under my hat for now.
JOSEPH GREER: Ladies and gentlemen also don’t forget about the RSW Anarchy Championship match too.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh Dylan Erickson’s got stuff to do tonight.
JOSEPH GREER: D and Jakie Wentzel are both big players. They could take the belt off of Dylan.
TOMMY ONIONS: Don’t forget Mark Force and Kevin Rouser continue the World Championship tournament with their match tonight.
JOSEPH GREER: That could be match of the night if it wasn’t for the returning former World Champion Shane Mitchell.
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, him and Garmr 2 will be amazing.
JOSEPH GREER: I see you are sporting the latest Frank Windsor merchandise which you can buy from our website.
TOMMY ONIONS: Anyway, let’s get started. It’s going to be a great show.
JOSEPH GREER: I agree with you for once.
TOMMY ONIONS: Any way. Let’s get to our first match.
BOB MOONEY: This next contest is the first of the evening. Featuring the challenger in the ring...Danny Parsons!
TOMMY ONIONS: Just so that you all know, Danny Persons is not related to Chris Parsons.
JOSEPH GREER: I bet this makes things complicated for you since you’ll be checking this at the start of his every match from now on.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent, also in the ring at this time, Gruzo!
JOSEPH GREER: Gruzo owns a religious establishment. The Order of Gruzoism?
At the outset of the bell, Danny Parsons slips behind Gruzo and wraps him up with a school boy cradle.
One
Two
Three!
TOMMY ONIONS: What the fuck? Is this already over?
JOSEPH GREER: Someone should train Parsons to...you know...not blow his load so quickly.
TOMMY ONIONS: Maybe he really is related to the other Parsons.
JOSEPH GREER: Why would you know…
TOMMY ONIONS: Don’t ask me questions, I’ll only lie when it makes me awesome.
Danny Parsons heads to the back with his hands in the air, leaving Gruzo standing in the ring while blinking in total confusion.
“If I had a Heart” by Fever Ray begins playing as Ragnar Magnusson runs down to the ring at top speed. Gruzo points at him in confusion, but regrets the motion right away as Ragnar grabs him. He lifts Gruzo up into an Argentine Backbreaker Rack across the shoulders. He pauses for a few seconds before throwing his opponent forward, and striking the back of his head with his knee as Gruzo falls to the mat.
JOSEPH GREER: Ragnar with Ragnarok in the middle of the ring to destroy Gruzo!
TOMMY ONIONS: I bet he hit Gruzo so hard that he changed the man’s entire belief system!
RAGNAR MAGNUSSON: Ég er Skemmdarvargur karla! Sendu mér degenerates þín og ég mun brjóta þau!
BOB MOONEY: This next contest is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challenger...Sal Insincere!
“Get Right Witcha” by Migos begins playing as Sal Insincere walks out from the back while flanked by four women.
JOSEPH GREER: Those women don’t look happy to be there with Sal.
TOMMY ONIONS: I hear through the grapevine that he’s blackmailing all of them. He’s either getting money, sex, or both from them. They call him Social Media Sal!
Before Sal makes it down to the ring, Lil C rushes up behind him, and brings him down with a jumping bulldog. He jumps to his feet and holds aloft a small baggie with several flash drives in it.
LIL C: Everything he has on you is on those drives.
These four women begin kicking and stomping Sal Insincere to not allow him up. Lil C just heads down to the ring with a wide grin. Bob Mooney just shakes his head as the bell is rung to start the match.
JOSEPH GREER: Why isn’t Lil C being disqualified? Those girls are doing the fighting for Lil C!
TOMMY ONIONS: They are part of his team in registration! After the whole Cedric Bek costing Garmr the match against Billy Fowler, things have been changed a bit backstage.
Instead of disqualifying Lil C, the ref begins counting Sal out. As it happens, the girls don’t let him to the ring in time and the ref calls for the bell to be rung.
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match and new champion of those harlots that Sal blackmailed to get on their backs...Lil C!
JOSEPH GREER: Just so you in the audience know, there is no such title. Bob is just being an ass.
BOB MOONEY: Kiss my butt!
TOMMY ONIONS: That’s the fucking spirit!
Lil C heads to the back, the four women surrounding him in victory. Big Ass Hank walks down the aisle, grabs Sal by the ankle, and begins dragging him out.
BIG ASS HANK: Armand von Krauss and Rob Riot both said to toss you in the fucking dumpster.
BOB MOONEY: This next match is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challenger....Nob Kerfuffle!
“Game of Pricks” by Guided by Voices plays as Nob Kerfuffle walks out from the back with Oscar not far behind him. They make their way to the ring with a mixed reaction following them down.
TOMMY ONIONS: I thought that Nob had been fired?
JOSEPH GREER: Maybe they couldn’t bring themselves to fire the last Hooligan.
TOMMY ONIONS: Rob Riot would jump on the chance to fire the last Hooligan.
JOSEPH GREER: Well, I can’t deny that.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...Apathy!
The sound of a vintage picture reel began to click and pop, the screen illuminating up counting down like a picture show. The pops, scratches, nicks and debris covered the screen, the numbers counting down, 5...4....3....2....1....as the reel continued, the screaming sounds of Lizzy Hale tore through the arena and the melody and guitar began to pick up. On the screen, a barrage of action shots from Apathy's career, centered and fixated, like an old film would. As the arena went down, red and white lights bathing the fans in a sea of color, Elizabeth emerged, arms held high, a smirk on her face, the boos chorusing from the rafters to the front row. Eyes closed, she sucked it all in, as the haunting sounds of "I Miss The Misery" filled the arena and surrounded her.
##Ohhh, I miss the misery!
##I've been a mess since you stayed,
##I've been a wreck since you changed,
##Don't let me get in your way,
##I miss the lies and the pain,
##The fights that keep us awake-ake-ake
##I'm tellin you!
She took her time down the ramp, egging on those who stood opposing her and spouting off insults of her own, laughing at the crowds and waving them off, dismissively. She rolled into the ring, and ran to the far corner, thrusting her fist into the air and sending a hand sign with her free hand, to her daughter at home.
##I miss the bad things,
##The way you hate me,
##I miss the screaming,
##The way that you blame me!
##Miss the phone calls,
##When it's your fault,
##I miss the late nights,
##Don't miss you at all!
##I like the kick in the face,
##And the things you do to me!
##I love the way that it hurts!
##I don't miss you, I miss the misery!
With the crowd throwing some debris in the ring, she hopped down the turnbuckle and ran to the other on the far side, again throwing her fists into the air, a smug, cocky, careless look on her face, taunting at the crowd, working them up.
##Just know that I'll make you hurt,
##(I miss the lies and the pain what you did to me)
##When you tell me you'll make it worse
##(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)
##I hate that feelin inside
##You tell me how hard you'll try
##But when we're at our worst
##I miss the misery
Elizabeth stands in the center of the ring to face Nob, each familiar with each other’s wrestling styles by now.
TOMMY ONIONS: For a fucking whore, Elizabeth carries herself like royalty.
JOSEPH GREER: But, isn’t she?
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh ho! Looking for a new ex-wife? Careful. This one tends to murder her exes.
JOSEPH GREER: Hunter Valentyne is still alive.
TOMMY ONIONS: Is he now? Has anyone seen him?
JOSEPH GREER: Slaughterhouse Wrestling. He fought Jennifer Enigma for real instead of having Riot beat her for him.
TOMMY ONIONS: Yes, but has anyone seen him really?
JOSEPH GREER: No.
Nob starts the match by wailing on Elizabeth and knocking her down to the mat. He continues to clumsily wail on her, eventually forming into double ax handles to keep Elizabeth flattened to the mat each time she tries to get up.
He grabs her by the legs and slingshots her headfirst into the corner!
Nob walks over to where Elizabeth lays on the mat to pull her up by the hair. She plants her hands on the mat and brings her legs up to lock in a brief scissors hold around Nob’s head before flinging him into the corner where his shoulder slams into the corner post!
JOSEPH GREER: That was a turnabout if I ever saw one.
TOMMY ONIONS: Some long, long legs. I can imagine those long legs wrapping around my waist twice over while I’m giving her the D.
JOSEPH GREER: You would give her the wrestler? I don’t know that “D” would agree.
TOMMY ONIONS: I mean-
JOSEPH GREER: Penis. I know. Stop being such a pervert!
Elizabeth pulls Nob from the corner, but takes an elbow to the gut for her efforts to double her over. Nob hits a gutwrench suplex, going for the pin with a hooked leg.
One
Two
Thr-Elizabeth kicks out!
JOSEPH GREER: The Last Hooligan nearly sneaking away with a victory here.
TOMMY ONIONS: He wouldn’t have to sneak if he were going to go in for that vertical smile.
JOSEPH GREER: Why do you keep trying to say that Elizabeth is a whore? Did she turn you down or something?
TOMMY ONIONS: I don’t want to talk about it.
JOSEPH GREER: You might wind up like Sean O’Rourke!
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh gawd, is he dead?
JOSEPH GREER: No idea. Either marital bliss or dead.
A voice comes over the system. Really only Joseph and Tommy can hear this, but we watching on television can too.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Let me assure the two of you that the people watching the competing ring did not come here to just watch the two of you chat.
JOSEPH GREER: Yes, sir.
TOMMY ONIONS: T’ain’t no competing ring. Learn the fucking terms. I mean...yes, sir.
In the ring where the action had been going on while commentary continued to talk, Elizabeth locks in a clasped hands reverse STO.
JOSEPH GREER: It’s the Kiss of Death! I think that it's all over for Nob in the ring. How much did we miss?
TOMMY ONIONS: Meh, this is prep match for the matches too come anyway. Notice how half the crowd are returning only now from getting snacks and taking a wee.
Elizabeth goes for the pin in the center of the ring.
One
Two
Three!
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match via pinfall Elizabeth “Apathy” Devereaux!
Elizabeth makes her way backstage while celebrating her victory while Oscar steps into the ring to check on her father.
TOMMY ONIONS: I would. Say that this was a great. Match, But any match with a whore in it-
JOSEPH GREER: Tommy!
We return to ringside, where we can see Chris Gibson leaning in a corner of the ring, staring irksome at the entrance ramp.
JOSEPH GREER: Next up we have a rescheduled match from our last telecast at Anarchy 33, when Garmr left them a broken mess backstage before they could get to the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: And there's nothing they can do to stop it from happening again! I've got a bad feeling about this, Greer.
BOB MOONEY: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall! In the ring to my right... from Detroit, Michigan and weighing in at 234 pounds... "The One" CHRIS GIBSON!
Gibson doesn't react to the announcement or the crowd, instead patting his injuries and staying focused.
TOMMY ONIONS: You know, this is like the perfect moment for Garmr to spread a little Christmas Cheer...
JOSEPH GREER: Let's hope not.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent... KEIRA EASTWOOD!
Keira limps slowly down the aisle to "Cheap Thrills" by Sia, and gingerly rolls into the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Just so you know, when I said Christmas Cheer I meant blood...
JOSEPH GREER: Of course.
TOMMY ONIONS: All over the ring. You know, spread...
JOSEPH GREER: Okay Tommy! We got it! Sheesh.
The bell sounds to start the match. The two competitors circle warily, looking at each other but also looking at the rampway for any intruders. Finally they lock up, and Gibson muscles Eastwood into the ropes. Chris breaks away before the count of five. Keira looks to initiate another tie-up, but Chris flippantly points to the stage. The crowd begins to murmur as a large, imposing figure walks to the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Holy crapola! I knew it! Here we go!
JOSEPH GREER: You were right, here comes Ga... wait, Caleb Koresh? What could he want?
The ashen brute of the Koresh Clan stomps down the aisle, oddly with a giant smile on his face that unnerves everyone in the arena. Keira accuses Gibson of having Caleb here as an unfair advantage, but Chris refutes this. Meanwhile, Caleb is pointing toward Eastwood in a way one could describe as 'seductive', in a very roundabout way.
JOSEPH GREER: I'm unsure of what exactly we're witnessing here.
Keira is confused and disgusted. She yells again at Gibson, who denies any knowledge of Caleb's actions. Eastwood doesn't believe that , and she attacks her opponent with forearms! Chris stops her with a leg trip, and follows it with a half Boston crab. The referee asks if she gives up, but Keira waves it off. Caleb Koresh responds to this by waving back to her.
TOMMY ONIONS: Aww, I think the big man has a big crush!
Eastwood fights to the ropes, and Gibson eventually breaks the hold. In a manner that Caleb would consider playful, he snatches her by the hair. Keira shrieks in horror and rolls away from him, losing a small knot of hair in the process! Caleb deeply sniffs the locks and seems invigorated by the aroma.
TOMMY ONIONS: Hmm, well, romance is a tricky game I guess.
JOSEPH GREER: Romance? This is borderline sexual assault!
TOMMY ONIONS: Sometimes you gotta keep trying. Fifty no's and one yes still counts as a Yes!
Eastwood screams at Caleb to leave her alone, but Chris Gibson hits her from the blindside with a running knee that knocks her outside the ring! Koresh now approaches her with his arms aloft, perhaps to aid her, but Keira yells, petrified like a deer in headlights. The crowd comes alive, and suddenly Isaiah Zepp bolts into view, brandishing a steel chair!
TOMMY ONIONS: That weirdo Zepp is here too? What the hell's going on?!
Isaiah steps between Caleb and Eastwood, and tells the big man to leave. Caleb sneers and takes a step forward, but Zepp pops him with a light swing of the chair into his chest! That only angers Caleb, so Isaiah hits the ringpost with full strength, creating a loud CLANG, and tells Koresh to step off or feel the full power. Caleb retreats from the annoyance, pointing to Keira and waving goodbye as he exits. Eastwood reenters the ring, while Isaiah grabs a microphone.
JOSEPH GREER: Isaiah has ended Caleb's fun, but apparently he's going to talk?
Isaiah slides into the ring and gets between Gibson and Eastwood. Both them and the referee try to yell at Isaiah but he holds out the palm of his hand, somehow quieting all three at once. The crowd is also stunned into silence. With a wry smile, Isaiah begins.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Feliz Navidad.
The Mexican crowd roars momentarily, then returns to silence. Keira stands with her hands on her hips, and Gibson breathes in as if starting to speak, but he's cut off.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Both of you should be thankful. I just saved you from whatever horrorshow Caleb had in mind. If it wasn't a Koresh, then it could have been Garmr tearing the two of you apart... maybe Ragnar mounting your heads in his cave as another conquest... or perhaps the Bastards on one of their "reality" bombs. They all think they're different, but they are exactly the same. They have everyone fooled, including you.
The two look to each other and back to Isaiah, confused.
ISAIAH ZEPP: You don't get the point. Understandable. After all, you've been dulled like safety scissors. Both of you used to be champions!
Zepp steps into Gibson's face.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Do you remember that?! Or was that too many name changes ago?
Now he pushes his index finger into Eastwood's forehead.
ISAIAH ZEPP: And you were nigh-unbeatable when I came back, yet now you're scrambling against obscurity! How does that happen?! Someone flicked your switch? No... I'll tell you what it is. It's what they want. Riot. Garmr. Nocturnal. They go to war against each other... with their lackeys around them like shields, of course. The tiniest slight against their fragile egos is met with scorched earth, and they justify any casualties for the sake of fighting the others. Meanwhile, the rest of us claw for table scraps against each other. That's what keeps THEM afloat. Fowler plays a prank on Chow and YOU have to fight for your lives, but Cedric Bek's sacrifice only saved the Bastards. You see how that works? Isn't that convenient?!
The anger within Eastwood and Gibson dissipates as they both look to the ground, and Isaiah's words continue to sink in.
ISAIAH ZEPP: I'm tired of the coincidences. It's time for a change of the status quo. That change is happening, and believe me when I tell you that there is no stopping me outside of a bullet to my brain. What I'm offering you is a chance to see it with me. I can't promise to make you better fighters. I can't reignite your sparks, or give you shiny belts or trinkets. That's up to yourselves. But you can help my purpose, and I can end the cycle of destruction. It's simply your choice on what path you take, Future or Past?
Zepp turns away from them. Keira Eastwood and Chris Gibson seem to stare into the eye tattoo in the back of his neck. Chris clenches a fist, thinking about striking the man, but Keira slaps his hand down. They converse for a few seconds, conflicted but curious. With his back still facing them, Isaiah smiles.
ISAIAH ZEPP: There's some hope left in RSW, after all. Follow me to my match tonight if you still have doubts. Feliz. Navidad.
Zepp drops the mic and leaves the ring. Chris and Keira converse for a few seconds pass, and crazily enough, both follow suit to a confused crowd and an equally confused referee that counts them both out.
JOSEPH GREER: That's the damnedest thing I've seen in awhile... This match is apparently over, but not because of an attack. Isaiah seems to have convinced Gibson and Eastwood to join him!
TOMMY ONIONS: Dude this is what I've been saying, Zepp is a friggin cult leader!
JOSEPH GREER: I don't think that's true. His opinions are blunt but otherwise genuine and valid.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit he's got you brainwashed too! Snap out of it, Greer!
JOSEPH GREER: Shut up, Tommy. Well, after all of this I think we're definitely ready for the return of Ruby Walsh.
TOMMY ONIONS: Don't drink the Kool-Aid, man!
JOSEPH GREER: Tommy!
Riot Star Wrestling comes back from a commercial break, the camera pans around the arena pausing on various signs and fans along the way, who noticed their fifteen seconds of fame and regardless of age begin to jump about like a five-year-old who has had ice cream just before bedtime. It also helped that they had already seen a few decent matches up to this point. And they looked forward to what else was to come. Would Garmr take out Reverend Shane Mitchell? Would Billy Fowler and Rob Riot take out Caleb Koresh and Havok? Only time would tell. For now, they awaited the return of Ruby 'Slaughter Walsh.
'You Lied' By Tool begins to play. A mixture of boos and cheers fill the arena but, mostly boos. A few moments pass by before 'The Unstable' Devin Stone exits from the backstage area. He stands at the top of the ramp and stands in the glory of the boos for a few moments before he begins to descend the ramp. He moves at a nice, even pace before he ascends steel steps and moves along the apron. He swings one leg over the top rope and then the other. He then moves to the far side and awaits his opponent.
JOSEPH JOSEPH GREER: Devin Stone looking ever so sure of himself here tonight.
TOMMY TOMMY ONIONS: Forget about Stone! The Babe that is Ruby Walsh is here!
JOSEPH GREER: You are one sick guy, you know that?
TOMMY ONIONS: Hey, you can call me whatever you want! By the night's end, Ruby will be calling me daddy!
JOSEPH GREER: Right. Like she doesn't have enough issues already!
'Goliath' By Karnivool begins to play and a healthy mixture of boos and cheers is heard as the lights have fallen to black. Purple lights glow up from both sides of the ramp, and a soft pink shone at the curtained entrance to it. A few moments pass and outcomes six people, who are covered in large, brown robes. We cannot see their faces, as their heads are bowed. They moved down the ramp two by two like one might if they were part of a wedding. A decent gap after the final twosome emerges from behind the curtain, Ruby 'Slaughter' Walsh. She is covered head to toe in black clothing. Her signature baby doll mask strapped to her face and red hooded cape. She holds her head upright, the holes in her mask for her eyes locked on her opponent.
TOMMY ONIONS: The Little Red Riding Hood of Death is back!
JOSEPH GREER: Such an intense glare from an intense superstar.
TOMMY ONIONS: You know what else will be intense tonight, Greer?
JOSEPH GREER: Please don't.
TOMMY ONIONS: Her orgasm from Tommy!
Her cape swaying slightly in the wind that is created naturally with her movements. She moves up the steel stairs and along the apron, as deep red lights fill the ring. She ducks between the middle and top rope, her eyes hardly ever leaving her opponent. As she stands up straight and those cloaked in brown robes surround the ring. Two of them come in and help her remove her red hooded cape, they then leave the ring with it. A few more moments pass before the lights return to normal and the bell rings.
JOSEPH GREER: These followers of Ruby's are known as The Devoted.
TOMMY ONIONS: I'd be devoted too if I got to hang around the vicious vixen.
JOSEPH GREER: You'd be dead pretty darn quick.
TOMMY ONIONS: Dead? From what exactly?
JOSEPH GREER: I just don't trust her, Tommy.
DING... DING... DING...
Stone rushes Walsh from the very beginning and attempts a clothesline. Walsh is quick to react with a duck and moves backward a bit, giving Stone the room to bounce off from the rope and stand in front of Walsh. The two look at each other. He was Goliath and she was David. They size each other up and then their eyes lock. A tense stare off before Walsh jumps at him like a crazed toddler. She takes him down, one hand on his throat and the other his upper stomach. She appears to be trying to choke him and claw at his stomach.
Appearing to be in pain, Stone shoves her off, as she slides along the mat. He stands up and looks at her, disgusted, as he lifts of his shirt, only to reveal scratch marks. She looks up to him from the mat as he rushes her again and kicks her hard in the face, she lays on the mat. Stone smiles and raises an arm to taught and the arena is filled with mostly boos, as he then goes to try and stomp Walsh, attempting to squish her like a bug.
The Devoted, those that wait outside the ring are getting antsy, as Walsh looks to want to escape the ring but, Stone kicks her in the backside, so she falls back down to the mat. Stone crawls on top of her then and laughs as he begins to bash her head into the mat. The smile on his face is wicked and shameless as he stands up eventually and taunts, taking his time and turning his back on Walsh. You can hear him boasting even about how this was all a big waste of time and how her career is over.
The booing is heavy and then cheering begins as the camera focuses on Walsh, who stands atop a turnbuckle. This catches Stone's attention as He looks at her, blood dripping from beneath her mask, Stone must have opened her up while he was beating her head into the mat. The two look at each other for a moment before she cocks her head. And she leaps off, connecting with a diving double ax handle! Both fall to the ground but, Walsh kips up after a few seconds and the arena erupts with cheers and even The Devoted appear to celebrate.
Walsh runs to the ropes and bounces off. She jumps and lands with an elbow drop and gives Stone a cover.
1..
2...
Stone kicks out. Walsh looks to her nearby supporters as if looking for advice. They just point to Stone but, she is confused. She stands up and walks to them. Stone is up and looks to Walsh as if he were a bear she was a picnic basket. He grabs Walsh from behind, as she struggles, kicks and flailing about. At this point, one of The Devoted gets up on the apron, the referee running to them as the referee wants zero interference. Two other devoted sneak in and jab at Stone, who lets Walsh go immediately. She falls, as The Devoted move away and out of the ring from an aggressive Stone, who swings at them from inside the ring. The Devoted that distracted the referee gets down and moves back to the others as the ones who attacked Stone also join. Stone runs his hands to where he had been jabbed and his eyes widen when he sees blood on his hands, turning around to address the issue, he is instead met with Walsh's Malevolence (Mandible Claw).
Walsh works him down on the mat, the shock and horror in his eyes as he tries to wrap his brain around what just happen, he taps and the referee calls for the bell.
DING... DING... DING...
TOMMY ONIONS: That was a quick match!
JOSEPH GREER: There was certainly some foul play there but, is Ruby even aware it happened?
TOMMY ONIONS: Ruby isn't aware of much and that is part of her appeal!
JOSEPH GREER: What?
TOMMY ONIONS: Not all chicks need to know what's going on.
Walsh is still, as 'Goliath' By Karnivool begins to play, The Devoted rush the ring and pick Walsh up, getting her hooded cape back on and celebrating. A defeated Stone looks up at her with great disgust, his hands covered in blood. This is noticed quickly as paramedics rush out to help Stone who brushes them off, angry. The Devoted help Walsh out of the ring, but Devin Stone leaps over the top rope to take down Ruby and several of the Devoted!
JOSEPH GREER: Has Stone gone mad? He’s bleeding everywhere from some kind of wound dealt by the Devoted, but chose to attack them still!
TOMMY ONIONS: Sometimes when you reach a certain age, you just want to go down fighting. A warrior’s death!
JOSEPH GREER: People don’t die in wrestling!
TOMMY ONIONS: The last three pay-per-views had deaths going back to the last AnarChristmas!
Devin Stone gets to his feet, wailing away at any of the Devoted that get close to him. This despite the fact that he is bleeding everywhere at an increasing rate, especially as the Devoted get in their own jabs.
TOMMY ONIONS: Devin Stone is starting to look like a horror sprinkler! What the fuck? Are they stabbing him?
JOSEPH GREER: It sure seems like it. We need to get this stopped.
Ruby Walsh kicks Devin Stone in the gut, hits a ddt, and then wraps him up in the Bereavement! While he’s in the move, a few of the Devoted take turns to strike at him until Ruby looks at them and they all back away.
JOSEPH GREER: Devin Stone is literally bleeding his life away out there! Where is security?
TOMMY ONIONS: You think that security cares whether or not Devin Stone dies outside of the ring? Wait, here they are.
Security comes down to ringside, starting to send the Devoted to the back. Ruby releases the unconscious Devin into a pool of his own blood. She stands up to be joined by her Devoted that she allows to lead her to the back.
TOMMY ONIONS: My sweet deadly nightshade is now a cult leader!
JOSEPH GREER: I’m not sure if that’s really a good thing.
The RioTron glows to life suddenly, showing a dimly lit Corridor. In the corner of the dark hallway, Jakie Wentzel is seen kneeling in prayer. His face is hidden, however a strong sense of desperation and regret is portrayed through his soft, gravelly tone of speaking.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Gut Lort, I haff nowhere else tah turn tah. My friends ant family all weep in despair. I can hear them in my nightmares, ant they are led by tha shrieks of tha dear bishop Stoltzfus. I haff failed him, ant everybody else.
Jakie pulls out a sharp dagger and points it to his throat.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Dear Lort, my faith has been shattered, ant all those who I haff trusted haff become fickle. This is my last plea tah yah, or this life is no longer worth living. I need tah know that you are still listening, Gott. All I need from yah is a Messenger tah lead tha way…
After a moment, Jakie heaves a sigh in the silence of the corridor. In a fleeting moment of loneliness, he begins to plunge the dagger.
But a rough hand grabs his arm before he can end the suffering.
BISHOP WEAVER: My dear Jakie boy, I have found you. It took me a lot to get away from that horrid masked man’s bondage, but I have finally made my escape. Drop the knife boy, for your sign has arrived at last my son.
Jakie shakenly drops the blade and weeps in the older man’s arms.
BISHOP WEAVER: I hear your cries for vengeance and I wish to help you find your way. Our people have suffered, perhaps just as much as the ancient Hebrews of Exodus...but just like our enslaved ancestors, we will rise again more faithful than ever before.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Yah mentioned Herr “D.” He iss tha closest thing tah a friend in this crazy world off wrassling. What happened between yahs?
BISHOP WEAVER: Aye, do not trust him, young Jakie.. He has nothing but hate in his heart, and will say whatever he needs in order to take this championship from you.
That night, the time that your so called friend said I was trying to leave. I overheard him speaking with the man named Robert Riot. I heard what they mean to do to you, naw. They are in on all of this...with Parsons, Chow, Garmr, you name them. It’s all related, Jakie, and they are playing you like a fiddle.
I was lucky to get out alive, as they were coming to kill me in my room. Luckily you saved both of us that night with your presence. In time you spent to attack the masked one, I was give the opportunity to escape. I am quite sorry I could not help you as well, but you were far too heavy to lift in your unconscious state. That’s why I had to leave you. But now I am here, child, and we have much to accomplish.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Riot working with Garmr? That doesn’t make much sense, naw. They are sworn enemies!
BISHOP WEAVER: All I know is what I heard, and I tell yah they are all connected...something about Riot’s kin.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Well I don’t understant, but I trust yah. (Praying) Thank yah Lort fer this sign. I know what I have tah do.
BISHOP WEAVER: Win the title...destroy D and Erickson, it is the only way.
As Jakie runs off obediently, the Bishop is interrupted by a voice in the shadowy hall.
VOICE IN THE SHADOWS: That was a very fine performance you gave, Heinrich. With the boy under my persuasion, Owtech will be sure to fall…
Shadows hide the man’s figure, but his voice sounds familiar.
BISHOP WEAVER: ...I did what you asked, now make sure my past goes away forever.
VOICE: You know what it says in the good book, good things come to those who wait. I can assure you, Bishop Weaver, you will be rewarded in time for your loyalty...all in good time.
The RioTron goes black.
TOMMY ONIONS: Whoa...what the hell was that?
JOSEPH GREER: It appears that there are secret forces at work in the final direction of the tournament. But the real question is who is pulling the strings here?
TOMMY ONIONS: What are you talking about Greer? I was going to say who is this Bishop Weaver guy? And why is he lying to Jakie Wentzel?
JOSEPH GREER: Really Onions? Have you been watching any of the promos? The Bishop has had ties to both Wentzel and D, and has been an important figure since this tournament began? I suppose you don’t even realize that Parsons has Wentzel’s supposed fling, Mary, hidden away without his knowledge, or that one of the Jekyll brothers is dead?
TOMMY ONION: Honestly...I lost you twenty seconds ago. This is way too complicated for the Onions Nation to understand. We just want to see some dudes get beat down.
JOSEPH GREER: (Shaking his head) Jesus Christ...
JOSEPH GREER: Next up we'll decide a new contender for the Anarchy Title... That is, unless Isaiah has something else planned.
TOMMY ONIONS: More cult shit!
JOSEPH GREER: That's enough out of you. We go to Mooney in the ring.
BOB MOONEY: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and is for the number one contendership for the RSW Anarchy Championship. First, to my right, from Augusta, Georgia and weighing 230 pounds... DAN ROSEN!
Rosen cracks his knuckles and stretches his arms in the ring ropes.
JOSEPH GREER: Dan is still incredibly young, but matches up well with Zepp in size and strength.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent, from San Diego, California and weighing 235 pounds... "The All Seeing" ISAIAH ZEPP!
A short guitar screech leads to the thrashing of ATD-I's "Governed By Contagions". A blinding white light shines chaotically around the arena as Isaiah Zepp steps foot onto the entrance stage to a massive reaction by the Tijuana crowd. A sea of cellphones shine their lights back to him as he peaks out from the hood of his signature black sweatshirt (this time reading "The only real shithole is our president's mouth"). Isaiah climbs into the ring, notably wearing a pair bright red jeans instead of usual ring gear.
JOSEPH GREER: Isaiah doesn't look to be dressed to compete. Perhaps he's going to recruit Rosen as well?
TOMMY ONIONS: Or convert him like Scientology...
As he asks for a microphone, both Keira Eastwood and Chris Gibson have made their way to ringside. Dan Rosen looks none too thrilled at all of this.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Thank you both for coming here to see this... Now, young Daniel, I can see the skepticism in your eyes. You haven't been in this industry nor this company long enough to see the oligarchy that chokes RSW of its life. So I only have one question for you... Where is Parsons?
Dan squints his eyes, still pissed off and thinking that Isaiah is trying to dodge the match.
ISAIAH ZEPP: When you debuted, there was a grand spectacle for your entrances, complete with Parsons' strippers and bong smoke. So where is he tonight? Is he... maybe with his new toy, Garmr? Did he even bother breaking up with you before he hitched his wagon to the beast?
Rosen is hyped up now and mouthing words better left not transcribed. With his wry smile, Isaiah holds up an open hand.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Easy, easy. I only jest. You still have a world of potential, but no filter. No experience. Tell me, what would happen if Garmr or the Bastards stormed down to this ring right now to make an example of you? With all your pent up rage, how long would you last? Ten seconds? THAT is what should infuriate you. So tell me, Daniel, do you want to put that youth to good work? Do you want to help a bigger purpose? I'm not asking for servants, or Mopolytes, or errand boys. I'm just asking for you to do the right thing at the right time.
Isaiah extends the hand to shake. Rosen considers the words. He looks to Gibson and Eastwood, the former with his arms folded and the latter leaning on the ring apron in curiosity. He looks to the crowd, which cheers him to say yes to the offer. Dan Rosen extends his hand... to steal the microphone away.
DAN ROSEN: You're trying to talk me into this crap, but I'm not forgetting that we're fighting for a title shot. That's how I'll make my name, not by following you!
Zepp rips the mic back with immediacy.
ISAIAH ZEPP: You think belts are what make you a man?! That line of thinking will only fuel your mediocrity! You have a choice, Dan. The Past or the Future?
Isaiah turns his back to Rosen, like he did to Chris and Keira. Dan stares into Isaiah's eye tattoo, and he considers the offer with deeper thought than at first. But then he looks to the referee and points at him to start the match. Before the bell rings, Dan swings his arm at the back of Isaiah's head... which somehow Zepp ducks without ever seeing it! Rosen stumbles in shock, and Isaiah quickly whips him to the ground and wraps Rosen's arms around his own neck for Vermicide as the starting bell finally sounds!
JOSEPH GREER: The match is officially underway but Rosen is stuck in Vermicide and in big trouble!
TOMMY ONIONS: What the hell, how did he duck that clothesline?!
Isaiah shakes his head in disappointment as he cinches in his submission hold, and within moments Rosen is unresponsive, leaving the ref to immediately call for the bell again.
DING-DING-DING
BOB MOONEY: Here is your winner, and the number one contender of the Anarchy Championship, Isaiah Zepp!
JOSEPH GREER: Just like that, it is over!
TOMMY ONIONS: At least he resisted the brainwashing. Instead his brain only got robbed of oxygen... So, yay.
Isaiah requests Gibson and Eastwood to enter the ring, and the three surround Rosen's prone body.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit they're gonna kill him because he resisted!
After a brief instruction, the three pick Dan up and prop him upright into a corner of the ring. Isaiah reacquires the microphone.
ISAIAH ZEPP: I'm disappointed in your choice, Daniel... but it was your choice to make. Now, if you won't walk the path with me, it's in your best interest to stay out of the way.
Zepp drops the mic as "Governed By Contagions" blares, and he exits the ring. Gibson and Eastwood silently nod to each other that they're making the right choice and follow him up the ramp.
JOSEPH GREER: A highly intriguing start to 2018 for Isaiah Zepp. He just won a title shot, he's got a chance to win Block D of the World Title Tournament, and perhaps most importantly he's got some backup.
TOMMY ONIONS: You mean slaves!
JOSEPH GREER: Shut up Tommy..
TOMMY ONIONS: Now this is going………..
The lights went out in the arena once again.
TOMMY ONIONS: This happens quite a lot around the RSW doesn’t it?
JOSEPH GREER: Usually proceeds someone getting hurt Tommy. It’s your turn.
Darkness fills the arena.
Suddenly “The Man” by the Killers blares around the arena.
And on the big screen is a figure, his face engulfed in shadows. All we see is a leopard skin fur coat.
JOSEPH GREER: Who is that?
The figure just walks down a crowded street. Darkness surrounds his face, as walks into the oncoming people. They swerve out of his way mostly or just get barged out of the way.
JOSEPH GREER: Who the hell is this?
TOMMY ONIONS: He does look familiar.
The man continues, knocking people out of the way.
And suddenly the screen goes to another picture.
The camera picks up the ring announcers with looks of confusion on their faces.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh what the hell was that?
BOB MOONEY: This next contest is to be held inside of a steel cage! Featuring first the challenger...Chris Parsons!
You Can’t Hide by CK9C begins playing as Chris Parsons walks out from the back with an eyebrow raised.
JOSEPH GREER: That is not the entrance music for Parsons.
TOMMY ONIONS: But it does sort of follow the concept of Parsons getting revenge for what Armand has done to him though.
Chris Parsons just and heads to the ring where he goes through the cage door to inbetween the ring and the cage where he grabs the cage wall to begin shaking at it. The wall doesn't budge.
JOSEPH GREER: That cage is made up of wrought iron bars. It's not going to yield
TOMMY ONIONS: That’s the shit I’m talking about.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent…
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing and Armand von Krauss steps out from the back, lighting an Egyptian cigarette as he walks.
BOB MOONEY: Armand von Krauss!
Armand begins walking down to the ring, smiling as the fans boo at him. Smoke trails behind him, causing nearby fans to cough from the poisons in Armand’s specialty made cigarettes. He walks down to ringside, looking into the ring from the outside.
TOMMY ONIONS: What’s he doing? That doesn’t look like getting into the ring.
JOSEPH GREER: It looks like he’s about to say something.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: This is what you want. You are certain of it? I am under no compulsion to keep you after this fight like I was Alexander. I will not be holding back.
Parsons is handed a microphone. He brings it to his mouth and opens to speak, but then pauses.
TOMMY ONIONS: Where is the usual arrogance? Where is the smack talk?
JOSEPH GREER: Perhaps he knows something that we do not. He did spend a lot of time with Armand.
CHRIS PARSONS: It is what I want.
Armand flicks the cigarette butt into the crowd, causing a commotion as people move out of the way, and enters the cage. He steps into the ring as the cage door is locked behind him.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Now, you will pay me what I am owed.
Chris Parsons rolls into the ring and stands up while cracking his knuckles with a grin.
CHRIS PARSONS: I said that I would be doing just that, my dear friend.
The bell sounds to begin the match, Parsons goes on the offensive by pulling Armand’s legs out from beneath him, plopping onto his chest, and beginning a series of lefts and rights to drill home his point.
Parsons places his hands on Armand’s arms, lifts his entire body into a headstand onto Armand’s forehead, and then drops his knees to Armand’s gut before going back to punching the crap out of him.
TOMMY ONIONS: This match isn’t going to last very long at this rate.
JOSEPH GREER: I might be inclined to agree wit-
Armand casually sits up, tossing Chris to the side. He stands up, wiping blood away from his face as Chris also stands up.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Interesting.
Armand grabs Chris by the hair on the front of his head and delivers a punch to the jaw before switching to a gut punch that lifts him three feet into the air while Armand holds onto him.
Armand hefts Parsons up into a press slam position and hurls him across the ring so that he back slams into the turnbuckles with his head slamming into the mat when he falls.
Chris Parsons jumps right to his feet, but falls to his hands and knees before clutching at his ribcage and coughing up a goblet of blood.
JOSEPH GREER: How hard did Armand hit Parsons?
TOMMY ONIONS: Harder than he would like, I bet.
Armand seizes Chris by the shoulders, flinging him up so that his back smashes against the corner so that he’s in an upright position.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Ich bin der Gefängniswärter für Wesen, die du nicht verstehen kannst. Hast du wirklich gedacht, dass du mir sogar drohen könntest?
Parsons spits blood onto Armand’s shoe with a harsh laugh.
CHRIS PARSONS: I will tell you one of the only phrases I know in German. Sauge meinen Schwanz!
TOMMY ONIONS: What did he just say to Armand?
JOSEPH GREER: No idea, but I think it was offensive!
Armand backhands Chris, grabs him to rip away the eyepatch, and sinks his thumb into the eye socket as he applies a claw hold to the side of the head. Parsons lets out a scream of pain as blood pours down the side of his face.
He lifts Parsons up by the side of the face with the thumb firmly inside of the skull. He tosses Parsons over the ropes to the floor between ring and cage.
To the booing of the crowd, Armand licks the blood from his thumb with a laugh before stepping out of the ring.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Time for a great fall.
Armand reaches for Parsons, but is grabbed by the arm, and pulled down so that his head slams into the unyielding iron bars of the cage.
CHRIS PARSONS: You got it.
Chris Parsons pulls himself up to the ring apron as Armand uses the cage to start pulling himself up. Parsons leaps from the ring apron to slam a knee into the back of Armand’s head to sandwich it between the knee and the cage! Armand hits the concrete floor, blood pouring from his left temple. Parsons clutches onto the side of the cage like Spiderman, looking down below at Armand.
TOMMY ONIONS: This match is bloody as fuck. Most awesome match ever!
JOSEPH GREER: That’s not a good thing!
Armand quickly begins to rise, but Chris throws himself from the cage wall to drop an elbow to the back of Armand’s neck with enough impact to send his face smashing to the concrete.
Parsons grabs Armand by the wrists, pulls them up behind Armand, and places a foot on the back of his head. He cranks the pressure for a moment, but then releases the hold to grasp at his ribcage.
JOSEPH GREER: Is Parsons injured?
TOMMY ONIONS: No, he’s laughing at the suffering he’s put the boss in. Boss on boss violence!
Armand pulls himself to his feet, wiping blood from his face. He looks to Parsons, who grits his teeth as he prepares to battle again.
CHRIS PARSONS: Are you ready for me to finish kicking your ass?
Armand grabs Chris by the shoulder to steady him as Armand delivers a powerful headbutt and tosses him over the ropes to the inside of the ring. Armand follows him in, pulls Chris up, and hits a brainbuster!
TOMMY ONIONS: What the heck? Armand hit a wrestling move!
JOSEPH GREER: All this time being around wrestlers, he managed to pick something up. Even if he didn’t want to.
Armand grabs Chris’ left foot, bringing it up.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: You know. I understand why you have chosen to side with a monster who has made it his mission to destroy RSW.
Armand twists Chris’ foot and ankle, bringing out a shout of pain from him. Armand tosses the leg to the side to let it slam to the mat.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: I would be angry at the company that left me to die too. My anger would be without end.
Armand stomps on Chris’ right knee. This time Chris manages to sit up, taking a wild swing at Armand and misses.
TOMMY ONIONS: What’s going on here?
JOSEPH GREER: Armand von Krauss is taking Parsons apart a piece at a time!
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: People came to save others. They returned for friends, they returned for family. Did they come for you? No.
Armand brings a knee to Parsons’ forehead to send him crashing backwards to the mat.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Even Derren Archer came to my Kharnival, but he came in search of Koresh family members. Did he come for you?
Armand squats down and smears blood across Chris’ face.
Chris Parsons gathers his strength and spits blood at Armand, who merely smears it across his own face when he tries to wipe it away.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: No. Who will save you now? Garmr? If he comes now, the Bastards will get him. He knows that. He won’t dare come for you or send one of his underlings.
Armand hits a heart punch that echoes from underneath the ring like thunder. Parsons gasps for air in what appears to be a reverse scream.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: You have made an enemy of the rest of the roster.
The lights in the arena begin to dim from the outside and working their way in until only the wrestling ring is lit by a spotlight.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: It’s over, Parsons.
Chris reaches up to grab the ropes to pull himself a little away from Armand so that he can do a stomping kick right to the privates!
Armand falls backwards to the mat, curling up into a fetal position as he begins to cough up blood.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus H Fucking Christ! If Armand didn’t already make babies before now, he may not ever get the chance!
JOSEPH GREER: As low as that blow was, it may have been his only chance.
Chris Parsons uses the ropes to stand up, but it takes a lot of time and a few failures to do so. Armand meets him when he gets up. Parsons hits a right hand before slipping behind Armand and hitting a reverse neckbreaker!
Parsons sits on Armand’s chest and grabs him by the sides of the head.
CHRIS PARSONS: This was...never meant...for you...but fuck you anyway.
JOSEPH GREER: The Mid-West Eye Gouge! Parsons intends to blind Armand!
TOMMY ONIONS: I think he was wanting to use the move on He Who Shall Not Be Named, but he died.
JOSEPH GREER: You mean Mer-
TOMMY ONIONS: Oooh oooh eeeh eeeeh aaah aaahh! No one uses the M-word!
Parsons begins applying the Mid-West Eye Gouge, but Armand grabs him by both wrists to block the use of the move.
Parsons is tossed to the side and Armand stands up with a growl. Parsons stands up as well, though he’s starting to look rather pale by now.
JOSEPH GREER: Both fighters have lost a lot of blood so far in this fight, but only Parsons is looking weakened. Why is that?
TOMMY ONIONS: No idea. I’m sure if asked, Armand will make something up.
Parsons begins to stumble, looking faint. Armand moves in, but catches a diving uppercut as Parsons turns a fall to his own advantage. He grabs Armand around the middle as if a spear, but lifts the businessman up, and falls backwards to land Armand on his head.
Both men lie on the mat with no signs of movement. The ref begins to count them both out when Parsons raises his hand into the air, motioning to the ref.
The ref comes over to check on Parsons for injury when he grabs the ref, who stands up, and brings Parsons up with him.
TOMMY ONIONS: What kind of cage match is this anyway? Wrought iron cage with wide spaced bars, but the side of a “Hell in a Cell” match with a roof. Should Parsons try to escape or pin Armand?
JOSEPH GREER: You know what? I have no idea. I wonder if Parsons even knows how it is that he’s supposed to win this match. I just know that if this match doesn’t end soon, someone might wind up dead.
TOMMY ONIONS: The new RSW ppv tradition since last AnarChristmas! One death for every ppv since then.
JOSEPH GREER: Word from the back is that this match is to fall under last man standing rules.
TOMMY ONIONS: Shouldn’t the ref be counting? Shouldn’t one of the guys in the ring told him to count?
JOSEPH GREER: I don’t think either of them honestly cared.
BOB MOONEY: Just as a reminder to those in the ring and the fans in the audience that this match falls under last man standing rules!
TOMMY ONIONS: Am I alone in thinking that this should have been said at the start of the match?
JOSEPH GREER: You are alone in saying it.
The rules of the match having been reminded to those inside the ring, Chris Parsons uses the corner to keep himself propped up while the ref begins to count out Armand von Krauss.
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIV-Armand stands up!
Parsons grabs Armand, every intention of setting up the Vertebreaker when Armand headbutts him in the back of the head with enough impact to send him to the mat.
Armand stomps down on one ankle and then the next. He drops down to slam a knee into Parsons’ chest and holds it in place.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: I will spare you if you will surrender to me the last twenty percent that will make this company mine.
TOMMY ONIONS: A bid to bring control back? Genius!
JOSEPH GREER: I think that this is a foul time to be trying this. Parsons should know better than to make deals by now.
CHRIS PARSONS: So you can keep me alive and torture me forever? Fuck you!
Parsons tries to spit blood at Armand, but most of it falls back down onto him in a horrific rain.
Armand grins, blood oozing from wounds as he looks down at Parsons.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: I understand. Do you understand that in your darkest moments with Dr. Twist that you signed paperwork deeding me the shares should you perish. You were asking to die that day, but Dr. Twist would not be so giving. Live or die...I will get what is mine. What is the state that you wish to be in?
CHRIS PARSONS: F-fucking your wife.
Armand clenches his fist, drawing blood from his palm.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Es ist Zeit, dass ich dich auf den Weg in die nächste Welt schicke.
NOB KERFUFFLE: Hold!
The lights in the arena come back on in full, revealing Nob Kerfuffle outside of the cage.
TOMMY ONIONS: What’s this? Why is here?
Armand looks to Nob and blinks before chuckling.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: The Last Hooligan. Have you come to join your friends in their fates?
NOB KERFUFFLE: No. I came here to tell you to fucking leave Parsons alone or else my daughter and her friend, Sophie, will put holes in your body. You think that you want to have a few expanding holes in your body? Fucking walk away.
Armand sneers at Nob, scanning around the arena for signs of Oscar.
NOB KERFUFFLE: Oh, you won’t see her. You’ll only know when she’s burying Sophia’s bullets inside your body. How about you just walk on? We’ll call you winner of the match and call it a day.
TOMMY ONIONS: Nob is awful brave for having gotten his butt kicked by Apathy!
JOSEPH GREER: He has a sniper child backing him up. Of course he’s brave.
Armand looks down at Parsons.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: I would have expected your charge to come down to the ring to try to save you, but all you get is the final Hooligan. I will have those shares.
Armand exits the ring and walks to the door for them to let him out. He walks by Nob Kerfuffle on his way to the back.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Wenn wir uns das nächste Mal treffen, werde ich dich gebrochen und zu meinen Füßen betteln sehen.
NOB KERFUFFLE: I will have a cheeseburger!
Armand shakes his head as he leaves. Nob Kerfuffle climbs into the ring through the open door to try to help Chris Parsons up.
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match…
Chris Parsons raises his hand and seeing as how he is in the ring and Armand is not…
BOB MOONEY: The winner of the match...CHRIS PARSONS!
At the entrance stage, Armand von Krauss spins around to glare down to the ring. He almost comes down to the ring to resume the match, but decides against it with the threat of the sniper around.
TOMMY ONIONS: Bob Mooney better watch himself.
JOSEPH GREER: Resentment against Armand still remains high.
BOB MOONEY: And first to the ring, making his return to RSW, Kevin Rouser!
The crowd cheer loudly as blue and white strobe lights flash around the facility, “Je t'aime... moi non plus” by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin playing as Kevin Rouser walks out from behind the curtain, wearing his customary wrestling gear and a white hooded top. Rouser exhales slowly before smiling, embarking on a brisk walk to the ring as he acknowledges the fans in attendance.
He reaches the ringside area and uses the stairs to ascend onto the apron. Looking around momentarily, Rouser mounts the turnbuckle adjacent to the stairs, resting his left foot on the top rope. With a brief bow, Rouser lowers his hood and gazes around the facility, soaking in the numerous reactions from the crowd. Upon listening to their calls he hops down into the ring and takes off his hooded top.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and thirty two pounds. He is 'The King of Old School'...Mark Force!!!
The crowd cheers as 'Old Time Rock n' Roll' by Bob Seger begins.
JOSEPH GREER: Here he comes then....the self-proclaimed, and much loved, King of Old School himself. It's Mark Force!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, we heard that when Bob said it, Greer. Quit trying to take the man's job off him.
The normally boisterous and animated Force isn't doing any of his signature dance moves on his way down the ramp. It doesn't take Greer long to comment.
JOSEPH GREER: Looking at Mark Force as he makes his way to the ring, I'm thinking the rumours swirling backstage are true. Force looks to be favouring that right leg.
TOMMY ONIONS: But the tournament! It has to end up with Mark Force as the RSW World Heavyweight Champion! That's what the fans demand!
JOSEPH GREER: This tournament has been a long and gruelling affair Tommy. It's claimed more than a couple victims already! Mark Force looks like he could be next.
Stretching out and making the walk up the steel ring steps, Mark Force takes a deep breath he enters the ring. Raising his arms, the RSW favourite basks in his fans' adulation just for a moment, as the bell rings.
The two men lock up and Rouser quickly performs a go-behind and snares a hammerlock on Force. Force reverses the move and ends up behind Rouser. He grabs Force in a side headlock and then steps into his knee, forcing him down. He escapes the hold and drops to his stomach, taking Rouser down with drop toehold and then quickly applies a headlock as he lies on the mat. Rouser slips out and gets to his feet just as Force does at the same time. The crowd applauds. Both men nod and shake hands.
TOMMY ONIONS: Good sportsmanship from both of these two, Joseph. They do hate each other.
JOSEPH GREER: Yeah, yeah. That is until Rouser gets a mouthful of Force.
TOMMY ONIONS: Is that what you're only interested in seeing?
JOSEPH GREER: NO, not unless there’s a Bra and Panties match between Keira and Apathy. Oh now then might have to go for a break thinking about that.
Rouser grabs Force. He delivers a Scoop Slam and comes off the ropes, but is surprised to see Force kip up and then snap him over with an Arm Drag. Rouser rolls through to his feet, shaking his head for a moment. Force kicks him in the gut while he is momentarily stunned and then he sends Rouser to the ropes and then knocks him down with a Flying Back Elbow. Rouser covers quickly.
....................1
......................2
..... Force kicks out. Rouser pulls him up into a headlock, but Force gets a couple of elbow thrusts to the gut and breaks the hold. He hits a couple of right hands and then lifts Rouser up in a Scoop Slam, Rouser covers quickly.
....................1
......................2
..... Force kicks out.
TOMMY ONIONS: Too close for call......What you reading their Joseph?
JOSEPH GREER: Latest RSW Magazine, you seen these pictures of your boy Frank?
Force gets to his feet and circles the ring. Rouser just stands their watching him. Force shoots in as they lock up. Rouser pushes him back. Force makes a run for Rouser but is taken down with a spinning reverse sweep kick. Rouser rolls out of the ring as Force recovers. Force leans over the ropes and grabs him by his hair. He tries to pull him back into the ring but is the victim of a Guillotine. Rouser quickly crawls into the ring and covers his opponent for the count.
...........1
.........Kick out
Rouser stomps on his opponent and then drops a leg, right across his throat. He starts to pose for his fans but Force begins to rise. Rouser unloads some chops to the crowd’s approval but Force pushes him to the ground. Force springs back to his feet but is mowed down with a Super kick. Rouser covers Force for the count.
.......1
...............2
...........Force grabs the tights and reverses the pin.
....1
............2
..........Kick out by Rouser.
TOMMY ONIONS: Close match here Joseph.
Rouser is the first one up and starts to go up top. Force rolls around on the mat for a while as Rouser climbs the ropes.....but suddenly Force kips up and points at Rouser shaking his head. He runs toward Rouser and launches himself into a top rope Hurricanrana, sending them both crashing to the mats.
JOSEPH GREER: What the hell? How did the big man do that?
Force heads to the ring apron. He launches himself back into the ring with Slingshot somersault leg drop onto Rouser and goes for a cover.
......1
............2
.........No. Rouser powers right out, pushing Force away. As Rouser tries to get back up, Force goes to work on the back of his neck, stomping the back of his head. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, continuing to send Rouser's face first into the mat. And then he drops an elbow. Then Rouser flips over and catches one of Force's boots. Using his legs, Rouser leg sweeps Force, who trips and falls to the mat. Both guys finally gets back up and as both turn towards each other, HUGE clotheslines send both right back down.
JOSEPH GREER: Oh my god!
Force suddenly kips up. He stands in the centre of the ring and looks at Rouser. He pauses whilst shaking his head. He drops to one knee and puts his hand up to his face.
TOMMY ONIONS: What’s he doing?
Force drops to the mat and spins around on his back like a drunken turtle until he manages to go a full circle and then with the ropes manages to get to his feet again.
JOSEPH GREER: That’s the Force-a-roni!!!!
Rouser’s seen enough as he charges into Force and goes for a German suplex. Force is waiting for him and alters his weight and manages to lock an arm bar on Rouser.
JOSEPH GREER: Oh this could be it.
The crowd erupts into a frenzied cheer as Rouser reaches out and grabs the bottom rope. The referee quickly orders Force to release his submission hold and starts the count when he doesn’t. Annoyed Force releases Rouser and rolls out of the ring and heads towards the announce table. He pushes the time keeper out of her chair and folds up the unoccupied steel chair. He holds it up with one hand and slides back into the ring unnoticed by the referee. Rouser has finally managed to get to his feet when he notices the chair. Force swings but Rouser quickly ducks which causes the chair to bounce off of the top rope and strike Force in the face.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh my god!
Rouser kicks Force in the mid-section and as he doubles over Rouser hooks both of Force’s arms behind his back. He lifts him off of his feet and falls back, driving Force’s face into the steel chair. A sickening crunch echoes throughout the arena. Rouser rolls him up.
…..1
……………………..2
…………………………
JOSEPH GREER: We have ourselves a winner!!!
……….Kick out!
TOMMY ONIONS: That was way too close.
Rouser hits a couple of right hands as he pushes Force into the ropes and then whips him off. But Force reverses the Irish Whip and then as Rouser comes off the ropes, he snaps him over with an Arm Drag. Rouser rolls through to his feet and charges at Force, who snaps him over with another Arm Drag, this time he holds on with a Sitting Reverse Arm bar. Rouser pulls himself up to his feet. Force keeps the arm wrench locked on. Rouser rolls through, he kips up and then reverses the arm wrench into a Hammerlock and then pushes Force off to the ropes again and bounces off the opposite ropes with a High Leg Clothesline. Force goes down. Rouser makes the cover but is reversed by Force.
....................1
..................2
................... Rouser kicks out.
TOMMY ONIONS: Close call for Rouser, but Force's not easy.
JOSEPH GREER: Definitely from experience?
Rouser and Force lock up and Rouser whips Force into the ropes and as Force runs back Rouser drops down to the mat and Force runs over Rouser and as Force runs at the other ropes but he slips and Force falls down to the mat. Rouser picks Force up and he puts him up over his head and then he slams him down to the mat. Rouser stands tall over Force and then he picks him up and he knee's him in the stomach and then Rouser bounces Force across the mouth but Force hits Rouser back and the two exchange punches until Force gains the upper hand and Force grabs Rouser and he slams him down to the mat with a power slam. Force rakes Rouser across the eyes and then he grabs him and connects with a big time DDT. Force covers Rouser and the referee makes the count.
............1
.................2
...............Kick out.
TOMMY ONIONS: Not bad.
JOSEPH GREER: Eh?
TOMMY ONIONS: We know the winner of this gets the points in the World Championship tournie.
Rouser stomps on the fallen Force and then he poses in the corner. Rouser goes over to Force and he pinches the nerve in Force's neck. Rouser keeps the pressure on it and Force falls down to one knee and he tries to get up but Rouser has it locked in well. Rouser let’s go and he kicks Force in the head and Force falls down to the mat. Rouser picks Force up and he whips him into the ropes and Force he goes for a DDT when he returns but Rouser reverses it and pulls on his tights as he goes for a pin. Force reverses it. Force’s sweaty testicles are directly in Rouser’s face.
JOSEPH GREER: Gross.
Rouser tries to fight it as the referee begins the count.
……………1
……………………….2
………………………Rouser bites one of Force’s testicles which loosens then pin giving Rouser the leverage to reverse it.
……………….1
………………..2
…………………..3!!!!
TOMMY ONIONS: Rouser wins!!!!
JOSEPH GREER: Rouser gets the points as well as a mouthful of pubes!
BOB MOONEY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall; and is a triple threat match for the RSW Anarchy Championship.
The crowd roars for the first of three championship matches.
JOSEPH GREER: Listen to that crowd! Even with everything that’s already happened, they’re hungry for more! AnarChristmas is the greatest time of the year Tommy!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah yeah yeah Greer, get off the fans’ dick…I’m always ready for more violence and you never compliment me for it!
Before Joseph can respond, Bob Mooney begins his introductions.
BOB MOONEY: Introducing first, a challenger…from Parts Unknown, weighing in at two hundred and thirteen pounds…he is…’D’!
Smoke gathers at the curtains as the entrance ramp sinks into darkness, Silverchair’s ‘Freak’ begins and the RSW crowd bursts forth a renewed cheer.
JOSEPH GREER: Here comes the enigmatic ‘D’, a longtime competitor that we first saw under the guise of Vengador Oscuro just over a year ago.
Pacing the stage for long moments before beginning his walk to the ring, there is always something different about the former Genesis and PWA competitor. Tonight is no different.
TOMMY ONIONS: Actually, Mr. ‘Top Journalist’, we saw him fail over a year before that!
Tommy is absolutely correct as he brings up the failure that was the enigma’s initial attempt at making a comeback, leaving Joseph Greer in shock for just a moment realizing he’s just been corrected by RSW commentary’s answer to ‘Rain Man’.
Making his way to the ring, ‘D’ is slower taking his walk to the ring than usual. Ignoring outstretched hands and jeering fans alike, he is in deep focus.
JOSEPH GREER: Taking his time getting to the ring, there is more at stake here than a championship…
TOMMY ONIONS: Like what? Are titles pretty much the whole point of doing this?
JOSEPH GREER: Well Tommy, reports from backstage are saying ‘D’ and his on again off again friend, Jakie Wentzel had words backstage leading up to the show and had to be separated by backstage security.
TOMMY ONIONS: Holy shit!
JOSEPH GREER: Indeed, setting camaraderie aside in the name of competition…
TOMMY ONIONS: No…I mean our security actually stopped something. Way to go Big Ass Hank!
The arena goes dark as the RioTron cuts to static.The video monitor displays Intercourse, PA in shambles as “The Crowing” by Coheed and Cambria blares from the PA system. Burnt out buildings. Screams to God for mercy. Fields of slaughtered Amish citizens with blood soaked quilts on them. Vicious clowns sit on porches with smoking pipes in their mouths.
JOSEPH GREER: Dear God, Why are they showing this again? Hasn’t Jakie Wentzel seen enough of his hometown being destroyed.
TOMMY ONIONS: Bring it on! More fuel for the fire that this dude shows us week after week. Kill them all, Jakie! Bring out the ass kicking.
JOSEPH GREER: An announcement from our technicians claim that it was, in fact, Jakie Wentzel himself who approved this new entrance.
TOMMY ONIONS: This guy is totally deranged now...and I love it.
JOSEPH GREER: You would, Onions! Don’t you give a bloody damn about this boy’s moral distress?
TOMMY ONIONS: Sanity doesn’t pay our salary and you know it. I’m first on board for the Wentzel bandwagon! Kill them all you Amish schizo!
Intermittent through the imagery are video clips of Jakie in a black v-neck t-shirt and torn designer blue jeans. The video ends with Jakie putting on a pair of brass knuckles as the video package ends with Jakie stepping through the curtain.
The crowd takes a collective gasp as the package closes, his music continues, yet Jakie is nowhere to be seen as cameras pan the entrance ramp.
JOSEPH GREER: This is exactly what I was afraid of. Where is Jakie Wentzel? I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope Jakie is ok.
TOMMY ONIONS: He’s fine Greer jeez…he’s probably just drunk or something. He probably didn’t get good beer or hookers with the Amish!
JOSEPH GREER: The poster child of caring for others everyone, Tommy Onions…
Bob Mooney continues to stand at center ring as the crowd becomes restless, boos now rain down as the crowd realizes Wentzel simply isn’t showing up.
The RioTron cuts to black, at the middle of the screen there appears to be a discolouration.
Focusing slowly, the discoloured section fades in slowly forming ‘The Massacre Maker’ in white.
BOB MOONEY: And the champion, from Detroit Michigan. Weighing in at three hundred and seventy six pounds, he is the RSW Anarchy Champion…’The Massacre Maker’, Dylan Erickson.
No pyro explodes, no music heralds the giant Anarchy Champion. The seven foot monster simply steps through the curtain to a chorus of boos.
The Anarchy Championship looks almost comically small draped over the big man’s shoulder as he methodically walks to the ring.
Upon reaching the ringside area, a sudden burst of cheers seems odd until moments later the arena PA system rings out with…
??? – Hey fucknuts!
Cheers and laughter abound as Erickson turns.
JOSEPH GREER: It’s Gabriel Tuck! I’d heard these two had had words backstage over Erickson’s entrance music, or should I say lack thereof.
TOMMY ONIONS: Ha! Fucknuts!
Panning back, the camera shows Gabriel to be, of all places, in the sound truck.
Sitting between two actual sound engineers, he points to a couple buttons and begrudgingly they both nod.
GABRIEL TUCK: Hey sunshine…now you got your wish…a boring as fuck intro, now I have a promise to keep.
The crowd once again is split between cheers and laughter as ‘My heart will go on’ by Celine Dion begins to play.
Erickson is instantly seething, pointing to Tuck.
DYLAN ERICKSON: When I’m done with this nobody, you’re time’s coming…
Anything more Dylan may have had to say is drowned out as the crowd joins Celine.
CROWD: Every night in my dreams… I see you…I feeeeeel you…
JOSEPH GREER: I never thought I’d see the day a wrestling crowd sang Celine Dion…Merry AnarChristmas everybody.
Noticeably absent is Tommy Onions who has put down his headset to join the crowd standing and singing.
GABRIEL TUCK: Merry Christmas Fucknuts!
At that Gabriel disappears as quickly as he appeared, but the Titanic theme continues to play.
Angry and slightly embarrassed, Erickson turns his attention back to the ring.
JOSEPH GREER: Gabriel Tuck seems to have gotten another one over on Dylan Erickson and the crowd has continues to serenade the Anarchy Champ!
Turning just in time, Erickson hits the floor as a diving Enigma connects with a clean running springboard plancha.
JOSEPH GREER: What a suicide dive from ‘D’!
Rustling noises proceed an excited Tommy Onions as he scrambles back into position.
TOMMY ONIONS: Did you see that shit?!
Getting to his feet, ‘D’ launches a series of kicks into the ribs of Dylan while the giant is stunned.
Lumbering to his feet, ‘D’ rolls Erickson into the ring, following and Shawna calls for the bell.
DING! DING!! DING!!!
JOSEPH GREER: There’s the bell and this match is officially started! Anarchy Championship is on the line in what now looks like a one on one match!
TOMMY ONIONS: We heard Bob Joey…
The challenger rushes the champion, striking with quick, sharp ‘one two’ combinations.
Punches are offset with kicks to the body and legs as the smaller man looks to play the role of David.
JOSEPH GREER: ‘D’ is unloading all over Erickson…
TOMMY ONIONS: Pretty sure you can’t say that Joey…
JOSEPH GREER: Grow up! The enigmatic challenger is backing up the giant…
Reaching the corner, ‘D’ continues to pummel Erickson forcing Shawn to begin to count.
1…
2…
3…
4…
Rather then end the match, Shawna abandons her count, stepping between the two men, backing ‘D’ away.
JOSEPH GREER: Great refereeing there by Shawna, not wanting to end the match on a DQ, she got in there.
As Shawna backs the Enigma up, Erickson perhaps out of desperation, perhaps in tribute to his mentor, reaches out and thumbs ‘D’ in the eye.
JOSEPH GREER: Oh! Thumb to the eye! Dylan was rocked but that should by him some much needed time to clear out the cobwebs.
TOMMY ONIONS: You say ‘thumb to the eye’ like it’s a bad thing! That was fucking smart!
Realizing what she’s inadvertently done, Shawna is given no time for remorse as Erickson pushes past the veteran RSW Ref.
A massive boot square to the chest practically hurls ‘D’ to the opposite corner.
JOSEPH GREER: What a boot from Erickson! Now following up in the corner!
Rushing forward the giant crushes the much smaller man with an avalanche, crumpling him in the corner.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit! That’s gotta hurt Greer!
Pressing the advantage, the giant easily drags ‘D’ back to his feet hurling him to the ropes with a frightening speed.
JOSEPH GREER: Irish whip sends ‘D’ to the ropes, oh! What a big boot from Dylan Erickson! The cover!
1…
2…
‘D’ manages a kick out after a clear two count.
JOSEPH GREER: Just two! More important is just how quick the Champion has turned this match around. After an early barrage from the challenger, the champion is in complete control now!
TOMMY ONIONS: As my boy Nate Diaz would say, ‘I ain’t surprised motherfuckers.’
Dragging ‘D’ to his feet again, Dylan hoists him him with ease, slamming him down to the mat.
JOSEPH GREER: Big body slam by Erickson. Double M now off the ropes…
The big man launches himself up for a leg drop Hogan himself would have been proud of.
Rolling out of the way, ‘D’ used the ropes to add some zip on a dropkick to the seated Massacre Maker.
JOSEPH GREER: No one is home! ‘D’ nowback off the ropes…drop kick! Cover!
1…
Erickson kicks out with such force that ‘D’ actually lands on his feet.
JOSEPH GREER: Huge kickout by Erickson! What a statement he just made with that display of power!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah…he pretty much just said ‘how the fuck to do think you’re keeping me down?’
JOSEPH GREER: What?
TOMMY ONIONS: It sounded better in my head ok?
‘D’ once again rushes the giant Erickson, this time baseball sliding through the Massacre Maker’s legs to the outside. Grabbing the big man’s leg.
JOSEPH GREER: It’s Wentzel! It’s Jakie Wentzel!
Preoccupied with hanging on the Erickson’s tree trunk-like leg, ‘D’ doesn’t see his on and off friend emerge from the crowd.
His right hand bares the same brass knuckles seen in the entrance video.
JOSEPH GREER: No! Don’t do it Jakie! He’s your friend!
TOMMY ONIONS: Screw that loser Jakie! Knock his ass out!
Closing his fist, the crowd turns of Wentzel as he slams his loaded fist right into the side of the enigma’s skull.
Going down as though he’d been shot, boos ring out from all throughout the arena as Wentzel stands over an unconscious ‘D’.
JOSEPH GREER: Not again! This makes three chances ‘D’ has had to take home the Anarchy title and it looks like it’s the third time Jakie Wentzel is going to cost him the match!
TOMMY ONIONS: I think what you were going for there was…he just got knocked the fuck out!
Dylan stumbles back as Jakie rolls into the ring, pointing to Erickson.
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie has lost his mind and Erickson wants no part of him!
TOMMY ONIONS: No shit Greer, he’s got brass knucks!
Shawna immediately gets in front of Jakie, admonishing him although technically she can’t disqualify him.
The crowd boos as Jakie loads up his fist once more, this tie looking to Shawna.
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie! Don’t do it!
TOMMY ONIONS: Holy shit!
For a moment Jakie takes his eyes off of Shawna, glancing upward. If the young Amishman was looking for a sign, instead he found a huge running boot courtesy of Erickson.
JOSEPH GREER: Cheap shot by Erickson!
The force of the giant’s kick flattens Wentzel, sending him and the brass knuckles sprawling, albeit in different directions.
TOMMY ONIONS: Cheap shot?! He has brass knucks!
JOSEPH GREER: Had Tommy, Jakie’s lost the equalizer! Wentzel is down, ‘D’ hasn’t moved…the champion is now in complete control!
Dylan stomps at Jakie before dragging him to his feet.
JOSEPH GREER: Erickson now sizing up Wentzel, oh! Big side kick to the body!
The massive leg of The Massacre Maker connects, sending Jakie stumbling back into the ropes.
Erickson follows up, sending Jakie hard into the ropes.
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie off the ropes, Erickson with the big boot! No!
Ducking the kick meant to decapitate him, Jakie hits the opposite ropes picking up momentum.
JOSEPH GREER: Wentzel with a head of steam! Oh my god!
Jakie throws himself at Dylan with reckless abandon. The far more experienced Erickson counters with Bossman slam!
JOSEPH GREER: What a counter by the champion! Erickson has the cover…
1…
2…
Alice manages to shrug the giant off him at the count of two.
TOMMY ONIONS: That was close…like dick close!
JOSEPH GREER: What?
TOMMY ONIONS: You know? Dick close. Like close enough to touch someone with your dick. Like that close.
Getting back to his feet, The Massacre Maker buries a kick deep into the ribs of Wentzel before dragging him to his feet once again.
In a brutish display of strength, Erickson throws Jakie back first into the corner from nearly center ring!
JOSEPH GREER: What strength by Erickson! Like him or not, that kind of strength has the fan cheering!
Rushing the cornered Wentzel, Erickson attempts to crush the Amishman like he had his, now unconscious, ‘friend’.
JOSEPH GREER: Erickson now looking to get this over with! Wentzel’s out of the way!
Slamming into the corner, the ring practically moves with the force of the near four hundred pound giant.
TOMMY ONIONS: Look at that crazy bastard go!
Wentzel doesn’t allow a moment to escape before he’s on Erickson like a starved dog on fresh meat. Wentzel swings wildly, his all in each blow.
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie Wentzel has gone insane! He’s throwing punches like it’s a Rocky movie! He’s got Erickson down!
Backing up, Wentzel yells channeling the pain of these past few months, he charges forward slamming his knee into the side of Erickson’s head.
JOSEPH GREER: A vicious knee by Wentzel! He dragging him to the center of the ring, cover!
1…
2…
Dylan kicks out well before three, but lacks the bravado of earlier.
JOSEPH GREER: Dylan out at two! The massive Erickson has been the only one involved in this match since it started, the big man could be starting to tire.
TOMMY ONIONS: But you said it, Dylan’s basically had two one on one matches tonight! This is bullshit!
Like a rabid animal, Jakie pounces on Dylan swarming him with brutal left and right hands forcing him to cover up.
In a desperate attempt to create space, Erickson explodes tossing Jakie from his near mounted position and rolling over.
Using the ropes to regain his footing as Jakie rises to meet him, the crowd cheers at the closest thing this match has seen to a proper face off.
JOSEPH GREER: What a moment! Battered and beaten, both men stare each other down finally!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah yeah yeah…magical AnarChristmas moment…now back to the fighting!
With a wild look in both men’s eyes they meet at center ring.
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie with a series of right hands!!! Oh! A monster right by Erickson sends Jakie back into the ropes!
Bounding backwards Jakie springs forward swinging for the fences pummelling Dylan backward only to be swatted back to the ropes with a single blow once more.
TOMMY ONIONS: See Greer? You can’t teach that kind of size. How do you beat that?
A stiff kick to the gut doubles over Wentzel and Dylan sees his moment.
JOSEPH GREER: Wentzel’s in position, Erickson back off the ropes…Axe Kick!
Using the ropes for momentum, Dylan runs, leaping into the air and slamming a scissor kick into the back of the head shoulders of Jakie, driving him to the mat.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jakie is out! He’s got to be out!
Fans cheer as Dylan rolls to his knees and is met with a new roar from the crowd that draws Joey and Tommy’s attention to the far side of the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: What the fuck?! That can’t be?
JOSEPH GREER: It is! ‘D’ has managed to pull himself to the top rope and back into this match!
Leaping off the top rope, he catches the kneeling Erickson with a dropkick that sends the giant tumbling to the floor through the first and second ropes while landing a senton drop that drives the air from Wentzel.
JOSEPH GREER and TOMMY ONIONS: Holy shit!
Rolling over, the crowd cheers and ‘RSW’ chants ring out as a near exhausted Enigma drapes an arm over Jakie’s chest.
JOSEPH GREER: Oh my god! What a move! I’d almost forgotten he was here after that shot by Wentzel! He’s got the arm over him!
1…
2…
3!!!
JOSEPH GREER: What a match! What a display of fortitude and opportunism by our new Anarchy Champion!
TOMMY ONIONS: Bullshit! Dylan got robbed! He had the match won!
JOSEPH GREER: Like pretty much everyone, he forgot about ‘D’ and the brawl Erickson had with Wentzel was enough time for ‘D’ to pretty much literally drag himself back into the match and now he’s the Anarchy Champion!
‘Freak’ by Silverchair begins as Shawna drapes the championship over ‘D’ as he lies on his back his right arm held up in victory.
Erickson looks equal parts angry and dejected as Jakie recovers and Bob Mooney makes it official.
BOB MOONEY: Your winner, and NEW RSW Anarchy Champion…’D’!
Making his way to his feet with the help of Shawna, ‘D’ raises the belt as Erickson looks on.
JOSEPH GREER: Look at that state by Erickson! This could be a future one on one match later down the line as these two have never actually faced off against each other…
Erickson’s scowl suddenly fades, replaced by a thin smirk.
JOSEPH GREER: …Oh! ‘D’ blindsided by Jakie once again!
A lariat to the back of the head sends ‘D’ crashing back to the mat and turns the fans cheers to resounding boos in an instant.
Pressing ‘D’ above his head, Wentzel drives him to the canvas with a dropping powerslam.
JOSEPH GREER: What a sore loser! ‘D’ had tried to help Jakie every chance he had, only for Jakie to do this?
TOMMY ONIONS: Yes! Crazy bastard Jakie for the win! Shit he’s not done!
Stomping ‘D’, Jakie climbs the turnbuckles, taking his mark, Jakie jumps bringing his full weight down into the rib cage of his former friend.
JOSEPH GREER: Hellacious Hex from the top rope!!! Jakie Wentzel sending a message that ‘D’ might be the new Anarchy Champion, but things between them aren’t over just yet.
Rolling to the outside, Jakie makes his way to the back through the sea of hate he’d now unleashed.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jakie Wentzel has a bright future Greer, he’s finally his own man! That what you saw here tonight Greer, Wentzel is now his own man!
JOSEPH GREER: Maybe Jakie should worry about just what type of man that is. But bottom line, we have a new Anarchy Champion here at AnarChristmas IV!
"D" defeated "The Rumspringa Rumbler" Jakie Wentzel
Blackmail and other Deviant Acts
Backstage, Alyssa Lucchi can be seen walking down the hallway.
She hadn’t lined up anyone for an interview and it was the ppv. Best to wander about to see if there was anyone lingering in the hallways for a last minute interview.
Or at least that’s what the plan was until a side door opens up and she is pulled into an unused dressing room.
She looks around at a panic as the door is shut behind her and locked to see a smiling Esmeralda von Krauss in a shimmering Christmas dress.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Dahling, I think that it’s high time that we had a chat.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: You want an interview? I can a do that.
Esmeralda takes a seat at the vanity in the room while Alyssa sits on a small bed.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: So, I was under the impression that you were to keep the fires warm at the carnival while your husband headed the RSW ship. Why have things changed?
Esmeralda grins as she takes out an Egyptian cigarette, puts it into her foot long holder, and lights it.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: That is a simple question, dahling. After I was taken by D’s allies, Armand did not trust that I would be secure unless I was by his side. We have a Ring Mistress that has full control while we are gone under a set of rules to follow to the letter. I am free to do as I will.
Alyssa waves the air in front of her face, trying to think the thick, dark smoke from Esmeralda’s specially made cigarette.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: What is your role here? Armand is part owner. You are just his arm candy, are you not?
Esmeralda narrows her eyes while regarding Alyssa, her smile changes from “almost friendly” to predatory.
EMERALDA VON KRAUSS: You know he loves you? Don’t you?
Alyssa scoots back away from Esmeralda, starting to become uncomfortable. Esmeralda blows smoke at her, the cloud curling around Alyssa like a snake.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: Who?
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Oh you know his name, dahling. He adores you and trusts you like no other. And you, you love him do you not?
Alyssa drops her microphone, looking on in no small amount of horror that is quickly turning to anger.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: You hurt him. You hurt him in a way that no one else can. I’ll-
Esmeralda is across the room with a hand on Alyssa’s throat in a heartbeat and pinning her down. She blows smoke into Alyssa’s face with a light laugh.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Dahling, I did what I wanted with him. Just like I will do what I want with you.
Alyssa grasps at Esmeralda’s hand to try to break her grasp, but finds that she cannot. Esmeralda for her part casually holds Alyssa with one hand while smoking with the other. She shifts her grip from throat to shoulder to allow
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: D is to ally himself with Armand and Riot to face Garmr. Make him do so.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: He won’t work with Armand, because of you! Because of what you have done!
Esmeralda flicks her cigarette, holder and all, against the wall. She looks down at Alyssa.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Remind him that if Armand discovers what I have done with him that he will not punish me. He only murders my lovers.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: Lovers?
Esmeralda places her free hand on her belly.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Entire graveyards could be filled with my indiscretions from over the eons, child.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: Eons? How old-
Alyssa stops talking as Esmeralda’s hand glides lower.
ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: You can join the man you love so much in hidden shame. Hidden for death will follow if this should come to light. Not to me, dahling, but to you and him.
ALYSSA LUCCHI: No!
To those passing in the hallway by this door would hear and chuckle about what sounds like a romantic romp.
If they only knew…
BOB MOONEY: And first to the ring, from Harlow, Essex; weighing in at two-hundred and twenty four pounds....The RSW Legacy Champion, HAVOK!
"Psychosocial” by Slipknot suddenly hits and the lights begin to flash violently to the beat. The ramp starts to flood with smoke as red lasers begin to strobe around the arena. Havok starts to walk down the ramp. He appears to be in a pissed of mood. He comes to the end of the ramp he looks around before he begins circle the ring. He slowly climbs up the steel steps and through the ropes. He unhooks his championship belt. Taking one last look at it he hands it to the referee before turning towards the entrance.
JOSEPH GREER: This is the first of his two championship matches.
TOMMY ONIONS: Not sure which is worse? The Bastards or this Viking guy.
BOB MOONEY: Hailing from Hafnarfjörður, Iceland; on his way to the ring, being accompanied by Hild Olafsdottir, it is Ragnar Magnusson!
A horn blows somewhere in the arena.
The Big Screen comes to life with just static. The static seems to zoom back, revealing water. The picture switches again. A figure in fur stands upon a shore, its face shrouded. It points accusingly, not towards the screen, but at something unseen off to one side.
On the screen is a close up of an eye. The eye blinks once, twice. Suddenly the lights go out. Suddenly the screen seems to clear, what looks like the moon appears on it. Chanting begins from what seems nowhere.
It's not the moon at all, they realize. The shape is round like a full moon, but it seems to be made up of thin ribbons of cloud streaking against a night sky. And there's a face, we see, a face hidden in shadows, looking down from above. The picture has a grainy look to it as it changes. The scene is of a couple of wolves running through some woodland; behind them is the same figure. The figure stood to the left of the wolves suddenly changes position from the left part of the picture, to the right. Almost instantly the figure returns to its original position, but in that one moment in its changed location we see a huge man with a shadow covering his face. The wolves turn towards where that figure stood, and howl.
The screen next becomes a twitching, undulating impenetrable sea of the runes used in the Icelandic language.
The arena drops into darkness as this weird movie is playing out on the big screen. Suddenly pyros explode in front of the big screen, as the fans literally jump from the shock. The roving arm of the overhead camera picks out people in the crowd. As they realize there on the screen they hold the signs higher. Blue strobes cut around the arena as red smoke billows from underneath the grating on the ramp way.
JOSEPH GREER: This is an interesting guy. He’s one of the toughest pound for pound guys on the roster.
TOMMY ONIONS: He is freaking scary but not in a supernatural way as I wouldn’t want someone to hit him with a reality bomb!
JOSEPH GREER: And he is undefeated thus far Tommy.
Stood at the top of the ramp way is a monster criss-crossed from head to toe with the scars of a thousand battles. Upon his head is a helmet. He is covered in fur and armour. He raises his massive arms above his head in an age-old gesture of defiance and supremacy as phosphorus flames blast in twin columns to the heavens behind him. "If I had a Heart" by Fever Ray starts blaring out.
Ragnar is joined by Hild, his associate. They slowly walk towards the ring ignoring the cheers from the crowd. Ragnar passes a camera and stops and looks directly into the lens. He takes off his helmet and hands it to Hild but leaves the fur hood up.
JOSEPH GREER: The Modern Day Viking is here!
Ragnar then slowly steps up the ring steps; step after step, walking with such a purpose. As he places his foot on the ring apron he immediately follows up by thrusting his opposite leg through the ropes, as he lunges into the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Havok does look a bit nervous.
JOSEPH GREER: Maybe because he hasn’t got his Koresh Family associates out here.
Looking around momentarily, Ragnar mounts the turnbuckle adjacent to the stairs, resting his left foot on the top rope. With a brief look from side to side, he lowers his fur hood and gazes around the facility, soaking in the numerous reactions from the crowd. Upon listening to their calls he hops down into the ring and takes off his fur cloak and armour and then hands it to ring crew.
JOSEPH GREER: He looks intense.
Slowly he turns and looks at Havok. Havok charges in and swings for Ragnar’s head. Ragnar Irish Whips Havok into the ropes, he then runs to the ropes on the other side of the ring and rebounds against them. As Havok then turns and returns Ragnar hits him with a devastating Clothesline.
JOSEPH GREER: He’s Breaking the Shield Wall!
TOMMY ONIONS: What?
JOSEPH GREER: That’s the move dummy!
Ragnar lifts Havok up into an Argentine Backbreaker Rack across his shoulders. He pauses for a few seconds before throwing Havok forward, and strikes the back of his head with his knee.
TOMMY ONIONS: Suppose that’s got some Viking name?
JOSEPH GREER: RAGNAROK!!!!
Ragnar rolls Havok over and pins his shoulders to the mat.
…………………1
…………………2
……………….Ragnar lifts up Havok’s shoulders and shakes his head.
JOSEPH GREER: It’s not going to be that easy for Havok is it?
TOMMY ONIONS: Is he going to punish him?
JOSEPH GREER: Oh wait, look who are coming down the ramp!!
Nocturnal, Emily and Caleb Koresh run down ramp. Emily jumps up on the ring and distracts the referee whilst Caleb rolls into the ring and clubs Ragnar around the back of the head. Ragnar doesn’t go down and slowly turns to Caleb and shakes his head.
JOSEPH GREER: Bad call Caleb!
Nocturnal slides into the ring on the other side and grabs hold of Ragnar but Ragnar shakes him off without much effort and turns towards Nocturnal shaking his head.
TOMMY ONIONS: Nocturnal looks shocked.
Ragnar runs and clotheslines Caleb out of the ring before turning back to Nocturnal. Nocturnal holds his hands up and backs out of the ring visibly shaken.
JOSEPH GREER: I’ve never seen Nocturnal show any fear but Ragnar seems to have done that to him.
TOMMY ONION: Are they going to help out Havok?
Ragnar stands over a face down Havok, facing the same direction. Ragnar then grabs one of Havok's arms in a step over arm lock, turning 360° so Havok's arm is bent around the leg of Ragnar, he then sandwiches the arm between his own leg and the side of Havok's body. Ragnar then reaches forwards and applies a chin lock as in a standard camel clutch, leaning backwards to apply pressure to the upper back and arm.
JOSEPH GREER: THE BLOOD EAGLE!
The referee rushes to the front of them and tries to check on Havok who is screaming his head off.
JOSEPH GREER: He’s tapping out!!!!!
TOMMY ONIONS: Referee call it!
The referee calls for the bell. Ragnar locks it in more and puts more pressure into the move. The screaming stops as Havok passes out. Ragnar drops Havok’s arms and stands up. He walks over Havok’s prone body stepping on it in the process.
TOMMY ONIONS: He has given the veteran no respect tonight.
JOSEPH GREER: He has come to show the world what a Modern Day Viking is!!
Ragnar looks down Havok as the referee raises his arm. Caleb drags Havok out of the ring and carries him backstage as Ragnar and Hild stand in the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Don’t forget Havok’s got another match tonight.
JOSEPH GREER: Will he be able to survive against the Bastards?
BOB MOONEY: This next contest is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challenger...Reverend Shane Mitchell!
“In the Name of the Father” by Black Grape begins playing as the Reverend Shane Mitchell walks out from the back to a standing ovation from the crowd.
Reverend Mitchell makes his way down to the ring with a smile as he greets cheering fans along the way.
TOMMY ONIONS: I don’t get why the Reverend is such a hero. He’s always been such a creepy bastard.
JOSEPH GREER: He’s turned a new leaf during his battle with PT Mer-
TOMMY ONIONS: Ooh oooh aaahh aaahh! No one says that name!
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...the enemy of the entire company...Garmr!
The Hellraiser - Resurrection theme begins playing as Garmr walks out to a wall of hatred. He holds his arms out and shouts his temperment to the world. He makes his way down to the ring, keeping his sights on the Reverend.
TOMMY ONIONS: This can’t end well for the Reverend. Shouldn’t he consider maybe using his mop headed army to at least slow Garmr down.
JOSEPH GREER: You know that is not the way that the new Reverend would want to operate.
TOMMY ONIONS: If he wants to survive this match, he should consider it!
The Reverend starts the match by throwing some lefts and rights, but Garmr doesn’t react a bit to the assault. He instead backhands the Reverend, nearly sending him over the top rope from the impact.
Garmr strikes Shane in the gut to bend him over. He goes for a gutwrench suplex, but simply tosses Shane across the ring like he was a ragdoll!
Garmr steps across the ring to grab at the Reverend, but he rolls away to the ring apron. Garmr reaches for him, but is hot shtted across the top rope instead in a move that sends him over the top rope to the floor!
Shane jumps to his feet on the ring apron quickly and leaps down to hit a knee drop! He is caught instead by the rising Garmr.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh fuck!
JOSEPH GREER: Mitchell is in trouble now!
Garmr stands with Shane held in front of him like a mewling baby. Shane kicks Garmr over and over to get him to release, but the giant doesn’t budge or even acknowledge the impacts.
TOMMY ONIONS: It’s the Circle of Life! C’mon, do the weird background singing, chorus thing.
JOSEPH GREER: I don’t even want to know.
Garmr brings Shane closer to him and then shoves him through the air. His back impacts the ring post and he bounces off of that to land on the concrete floor.
Garmr drags Shane up by the shirt and slams him against the ring post. Inside the ring, the ref has begun counting them both out.
One
Two
Shane Mitchell spits blood into Garmr’s good eye to get Garmr to release him. Shane drills him in the gut with a few punches, but then lifts him up, and hits an inverted atomic drop!
Three
Four
Mitchell continues his offensive by pulling Garmr’s legs out from under him to smash the back of Garmr’s head against the concrete floor.
Five
Shane rolls into the ring
Six
Seven
Eight
Garmr sits up, rubbing the back of his head.
Nine
Te-Garmr strikes the side of the ring so hard that the entire thing shifts six inches! The ref falls to the mat, striking his head, and is out cold.
The entire crowd that had been loudly cheering for the Reverend up until this point has suddenly gone into a shocked silence.
JOSEPH GREER: What on Earth?
TOMMY ONIONS: That was something impossible!
Garmr steps into the ring to face the plainly shocked Reverend Mitchell.
REVEREND SHANE MITCHELL: How…
GARMR: Your God cannot grant you this power.
The Reverend comes for Garmr again, but is struck with a mighty heart punch that sends him flying through the air until he strikes the corner, bounces, and hits the mat.
Garmr rolls Mitchell over with a foot and pins him with the same foot.
One
Two
Thre-Shane gets a foot onto the ropes!
Garmr sneers, walking over to kick the offending leg when Shane places a foot against the butt of Garmr and shoves!
Nothing happens.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oops. Sexual assault case right there!
JOSEPH GREER: Yeah, I just don’t think so.
Garmr grabs Shane by the ankle and tosses him from the ring. He looks to the ref.
GARMR: No more counting. Got it?
The ref nods so much that one would think that he were an overactive bobble head. Garmr smiles to himself, even as the crowed boos, and steps out of the ring. He picks up Mitchell by the shoulder with one hand.
A quick hammering blow to the top of the head sends Shane back down to the floor like a man that’s been shot.
JOSEPH GREER: That’s it. I think that Mitchell is done.
TOMMY ONIONS: That’s odd. I would think that you would be the one to hold out hope.
Garmr grabs the Reverend by both sides of the head in order to pick him up, but part way through the motion, the Reverend hits a jawbreaker!
Shane gets to his feet, runs to the ropes, and comes back in with a baseball slide drop kick to the jaw of Garmr!
The Reverend quickly goes for the pinfall!
One
Two
Thr-the Reverend is nearly thrown from the ring in the kick out!
There is a sudden bout of cheering and Nob Kerfuffle is seen at the top of the stage. Garmr stands up, sees Nob, and scoffs.
NOB KERFUFFLE: I know what you’re thinking. Another Hooligan to crush underfoot. I’m not here for you right now.
Garmr cocks his head, looking at Nob with a curious expression.
NOB KERFUFFLE: I’m here for another reason. Honey! Oscar...dear...you can’t shoot Garmr during the match! Come backstage and we will make him pay another way.
Garmr steps out of the ring, starting to make his way down to the entrance stage where Nob stands.
GARMR: I’m going to crush you and then eat your little sniper with one bite.
Nob begins to look nervous, but stands his ground against the approaching giant.
NOB KERFUFFLE: I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
GARMR: What’s going to stop me? You?
The first red feathered tranq dart strikes Garmr in the chest. Garmr looks above the entrance to see Oscar standing with Sophia in her hands (Sophia being the name of her sniper rifle).
OSCAR: Your reign of terror ends tonight! For Uncle Cedric!
A second tranq dart strikes Garmr in the chest and then a third! Garmr begins walking toward Nob with a sadistic grin.
GARMR: After you are gone, there will be no more Hooligans…
Garmr reaches for Nob, but a scream of rage stops him, and he is knocked backstage by a spear from behind by Reverend Mitchell! Nob Kerfuffle slips on a pair of brass knuckles, looking to the ring.
NOB KERFUFFLE: We’re going to go ahead and continue this match backstage. You can go on to the main event while we have our fun. Oh and it’s a no dq match, anywhere falling kind of thing.
Nob heads to the back.
NOB KERFUFFLE: Garmin, we gonna fuck you up so badly that you won’t be able to give anyone else no fucking directions!
JOSEPH GREER: That didn’t make a lick of sense!
TOMMY ONIONS: Made sense to me...if Garmr’s name was Garmin.
JOSEPH GREER: I guess we are going to come back to this match backstage someplace as it happens.
BOB MOONEY: This next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the RSW Tag Team Championship! Featuring first the challengers...Havok and Caleb Koresh!
“Freak Like Me” by Halestrom begins playing, announcing the arrival of Havok and Caleb Koresh from the back.
TOMMY ONIONS: Two members of the Koresh Clan making their way down to the ring, shoulder to elbow.
JOSEPH GREER: Is that some kind of joke at Havok’s short height compared to Caleb’s?
TOMMY ONIONS: Havok really looks up to Caleb. He has to!
JOSEPH GREER: I can see how this match is going to go.
BOB MOONEY: And their opponents...the RSW Tag Team Champions....the Bastards!
“Take it Easy, Chicken” by Mansun begins playing, but no one comes out from the back.
TOMMY ONIONS: Garmr has found and killed all of them.
JOSEPH GREER: What? How would you know that? What’s really going on?
TOMMY ONIONS: I’m just fucking with you! I don’t know what’s up.
Frank Windsor rushes out from the back, clapping his hands for a moment, but then riles the crowd up by flipping them off. They laugh the insult off, cause it’s Frank, and cheer as Billy Fowler and Rob Riot come out from the back with the RSW World tag team titles around their waists. The three take the time to pose for the cheering crowd before heading down to the ring.
JOSEPH GREER: Just out of curiosity, are the Reverend and Garmr still fighting? Are we going to flash to them from time to time?
TOMMY ONIONS: I don’t know about you, but those are two that I wouldn’t want to be flashing.
JOSEPH GREER: I mean watching the action as we can get updated from the back.
Inside the ring, the match gets underway as Havok begins the match against Billy Fowler.
Havok begins the match by ducking underneath Billy’s outstetched arms to slip behind him and hits a few kidney blows before rolling away again. He pelts the larger Fowler in the back a few more times before ducking under a clothesline attempt. He lands to his side on one hand, kicking out to strike Fowler behind the knees, and bring the giant down.
As Fowler moves to sit up, Havok hits a moonsault drop kick to the chest to send Fowler back flat to the mat! Havok jumps to his feet and makes the tag to Caleb Koresh.
Backstage, we see Reverend Mitchell hit a drop toe hold on Garmr, sending him head first into the wall in the hallway. Garmr's head and shoulders plunge into the drywall, striking the stud and breaking it! Shane jumps up and hits a drop kick, sending Garmr through the wall and into the unused dressing room on the other side of the wall.
JOSEPH GREER: Those darts seem to still be in Garmr's chest. I wonder how much they're slowing him down?
TOMMY ONIONS: I would say a lot since Shane has managed some kind of an offensive against the now bloodied giant!
Back in the ring, Caleb steps over the ropes to meet Fowler in the center of the ring as he rises to his feet. A brief exchange of blows leaves Fowler back on the mat.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus! The Bastards going down quickly tonight!
JOSEPH GREER: Is that a fact?
TOMMY ONIONS: Well, except for my Frank. He never goes down unless a V is involved!
JOSEPH GREER: I would ask, but no. No, I will not ask.
TOMMY ONIONS: It means vagina.
JOSEPH GREER: Tommy!
Caleb Koresh brings Fowler up and into a back suplex, but Fowler manages a backflip over Caleb’s back! He reaches back to tag in Rob Riot while applying a chicken wing to Caleb.
Riot hops up to the top turnbuckle and jumps to hit a quick bulldog while Fowler releases Caleb. Riot applies a laying cobra clutch on the downed Caleb, cranking on the pressure.
Havok jumps in to break the move, but gets stopped by the ref. Behind the ref’s back, Fowler slips into the ring, grabs Caleb by the feet, and begins to lift slash pull him to increase the effectiveness of the clutch.
By the time the ref turns around, Fowler is back in his own corner.
TOMMY ONIONS: Might I ask, who are the good guys and who are the bad guys here in this match? What the Bastards did was something of a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong though. I loved it!
JOSEPH GREER: I think we are currently under the assumption that everyone is kind of a good guy except for Garmr and his allies, but different people may have different thoughts on who is good and who is bad.
Backstage, Garmr hefts up the downed Shane Mitchell, tossing him like a spear at the vanity table where Shane's face shatters the mirror!
TOMMY ONIONS: Can the Reverend see himself winning this match?
JOSEPH GREER: Oh boo.
Back in the ring, without even using his arms, Caleb gets up to his knees, and then to his feet with Rob Riot dangling from his head like a barnacle. He plucks Rob from him to break the move and tosses him across the ring where he rolls backwards into his own corner. Havok tags himself in and jumps over the ropes.
He launches himself straight for Havok like a freight train on full speed. Rob meets him head on with what would be a sidekick except for it being a knee to face as Havok dives for a spear!
Havok crumples to the mat while Rob rolls away to his feet where he limps back to tag Fowler back in.
Fowler runs across the ring, punt kicking Havok in the ribcage, and sending him into a roll under the bottom rope to the concrete floor.
Fowler follows Havok out, but is grabbed by Caleb, and gets a spinebuster onto the edge of the security railing for his efforts!
TOMMY ONIONS: What the heck? He just broke Fowler inn half!
JOSEPH GREER: That was a powerful move, but here comes Riot!
Rob Riot leaps from the rig apron, catching Caleb in the side of the head with an elbow. He pinballs off of Caleb, slams into a standing Havok while landing on his feet, and hitting a side step belly to belly suplex into the ring apron (or would we call this a power slam against the ring apron?)
Fowler rises to. His feet, but crumples quickly with a hand reaching for his back in pain. Rob Riot drills both Caleb and Havok, sending both back to the concrete floor each time that they pop up. That is, until the ref begins to yell at them to get to their places. Havok rolls back into the ring while Caleb goes back to his corner. Rob Riot helps Fowler into the ring by their own corner and hops upp to tag himself in. A grateful Fowler steps out of the ring to the corner while Riot steps back into the ring with Havok with a wide grin.
TOMMY ONIONS: Arrogance right there. Riot thinks that he can take it easy with only being him and Havok in the ring.
JOSEPH GREER: That’s when men make the most mistakes.
Havok goes for a kick to the gut, but. Riot catches the foot. Havok goes for the enziguiri, but Riot catches the other foot, and begins the motion for the giant swing!
JOSEPH GREER: Around and around and around he goes. Where he stops-
TOMMY ONIONS: In your ex-wife’s coochie!
JOSEPH GREER: What?
TOMMY ONIONS: I thought we were confessing where we were last night. Your ex-wife came down to party with the big dawgs.
Riot releases, tossing Havok against Caleb, and knocking the both of them down to the concrete floor in a pile. The ref motions that a tag had been made, but few pay attention to him.
Havok quickly rolls back into the ring. Riot locks up with him before the ref can come over to throw him out. Riot quickly releases Havok when Caleb conks him on the top of the head with a hamfist, sending Riot to the mat.
Havok steps out of the ring as Caleb hefts Riot up with one hand and laughs at him before hitting a choke slam and going for the pinfall.
One
Two
Riot kicks out!
Caleb seizes Riot by the lower jaw with fingers inside of Riot’s mouth. He pulls Riot into a sitting position, ignoring as Riot bites down, and slams the back of Riot’s head to the mat! Caleb smiles as he sees his bleeding fingers, giving them a lick before keeping Riot pinned down with stomps.
Backstage, we see both the Reverend and Nob Kerfuffle taking turns to punch the bloody Garmr, who is down upon his knees. They batter him about like a punching bag until Garmr catches a hand from each dancing partner. He uses brute strength to slam the two together!
Back to ringside, Frank Windsor stands on the outside of the ring, clapping over his head to get the crowd behind the Bastards and clapping. Riot tries to get up, but Caleb keeps him down with a foot.
JOSEPH GREER: This is going very against the Bastards! Maybe it’s time for some dirty deeds from Frank Windsor?
TOMMY ONIONS: How dare you, sir? My Frank is as noble as they fucking come! He wouldn’t-
Frank Windsor reaches into the ring and pulls Rob Riot out of the ring!
TOMMY ONIONS: Fuck!
Caleb Koresh reaches over the ropes to try to reach Frank, but Fowler is in the ring. He grabs Caleb up and sends him over the top rope like an atomic slam!
JOSEPH GREER: That was the biggest atomic slam ever!
TOMMY ONIONS: Sent that lizard man’s tailbone nearly up through the top of his skull!
Havok jumps into the ring, dropping behind Fowler, and bringing up a forearm up between Fowler’s legs! Havok grabs Fowler by the legs and flips him over the ropes to land onto the floor next to Caleb!
Havok pulls down on the top rope as if to slingshot himself into the chaos below, but the ref stops him and threatens to disqualify the team if he doesn’t go to his corner. He repeats the same message to Fowler and yells at Frank to get back from the match.
Rob Riot grabs the rising Caleb and hits a ddt onto the concrete floor! Rob Riot rolls into the ring while the ref begins to count Caleb out, keeping a side eye on Havok with a quick warning for him to stay in his corner.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Havok runs into the ring, turns, and smacks his butt by the referee! This brings about a contest as the ref begins pushing Havok back to his own corner.
Nocturnal springs from the crowd! He smashes a golf club across Frank’s skull, turning, and catching Fowler in the back of the knees with the club! He helps Caleb up and rolls him into the ring while Riot watches from the inside.
TOMMY ONIONS: He’s got that look in his eyes!
JOSEPH GREER: Someone should run.
Riot rushes and catches Havok unawares with a high knee to the chest that sends Havok to the corner. Riot hefts him up into a bodyslam position and tosses him over the ropes where Havok slams his head into the ring steps!
The ref just shrugs and turns around to see Caleb in the ring with Fowler. Thinking that Riot tagged in the downed Fowler, the ref turns around to send Riot from the ring.
That is that he would have if Riot hadn’t been pulled out of the ring by Nocturnal and slammed onto the concrete floor! Nocturnal ducks so that the ref doesn’t see him.
Inside the ring, Caleb slowly rises up, pulls Fowler up, and hits a chokeslam! He goes for the pinfall!
One
Two
Three!
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match and NEW RSW World tag team champions...Havok and Caleb Koresh!
The Hellraiser theme begins to play as a blood drenched Garmr walks out from the back while dragging Reverend Shane Mitchell and Nob Kerfuffle by the leg. He tosses them into the ring and glares at the gathered Bastards and Koresh Clan.
Garmr hrumphs when he sees that none dare to stop him as he piles Nob on top of Shane and goes for the cover.
One
Two
Three!
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match that had begun earlier...Garmr!
Garmr stands up, wipes blood from his face, and looks around to see who is dumb enough to challenge him.
TOMMY ONIONS: I think we are going to have a massive handicap match!
JOSEPH GREER: We don't have enough time! No!
The Bastards and the Koresh Clan look to each other and then look to Garmr. As they begin to move to attack...
The feed cuts.
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