Have a Space Day
Jan 22, 2018 22:41:47 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by jamesmueller on Jan 22, 2018 22:41:47 GMT -5
A black car slows down on an empty paved road, surrounded by swamps and grasslands. The car pulls off to the shoulder, alone, and comes to a stop. The sun beats down on the car as the driver and passenger doors both pop open. From the driver side steps out James Mueller. On the passenger side, Venom gets out and lets Goldbear II out of the backseat. Goldbear II makes a break for the grasslands, exposes his bear donger and balls to the world and starts pissing out in the open. Goldbear II slowly exhales in relief. Venom walks to the front of the car and meets Mueller, facing ahead of the car with his arms folded.
Come on, James. What are we doing here?
If we're going to compete with teams that have fought on the moon... or a team like the Trons... We need to look at training outside of our elements.
Yeah but... Here?
Venom gestures towards what Mueller's looking at, a giant "WELCOME TO NASA" sign off the side of the road.
Yep. Venom... Today... We're going to space.
Mueller turns back to the driver side of the car. He whistles at Goldbear II. Goldbear II lifts his head up from wrestling an alligator. He releases the bear hug on the alligator and trots back to the car. The alligator looks a bit stunned but doesn't follow pursuit. Venom sighs and helps Goldbear II back into the car and shortly follows back into the car. James starts the ignition, checks for the traffic, and the black car is back on the road, passing the "WELCOME TO THE NASA" sign.
James... Do you have reservations to be here?
Reservations?
Oh boy. Dude, we can't just drive into NASA and demand a taxi ride into space.
Well no, we just want a shuttle ride for the afternoon.
It doesn't matter what you want, James, they won't just send you into space?
Why not?
Well, for one, you don't work for NASA.
Yeah, but they work for me.
Huh?
I pay my taxes like every self-respecting American and therefore I am their boss. I own NASA as much as the next guy.
I'm the next guy, James, and I sure as shit don't own NASA. Plus haven't you been living in the South Pacific for the last 7 years or so?
Semantics.
What? No, James, that's not how-
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Plus we're not even qualified to go into space.
And how do you figure that?
I mean... Astronauts go through years of training and testing, and you and I we're just...
We're just what?
Sports Enter.... We're wrestlers. We're professional... wrestlers.
You're god damn right.
James steps on the gas to get there soo- oh wait they're there. The black car slows and stops at a large gate with an intercom near the driver side door. Next to the gate is a NASA sign.
Let me do all the talking.
I wasn't going to say a damn thing, I don't think we should even be here.
Thanks.
Mueller leans out and presses a red button on the intercom. A dial tone can be heard, followed by a speed dial. A few rings and suddenly they are greeted by an computerized message:
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! IF YOU KNOW YOUR PARTIES EXTENSION, PLEASE DIAL NOW AND PRESS POUND, OTHERWISE STAY ON THE LINE AND AN OPERATOR WILL BE WITH YOUR SHORTLY! HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Mueller turns to Venom for a second.
A... "Space Day?"
Venom shrugs. The intercom begins ringing again and Mueller turns his attention back to it. Another computerized voice answers:
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! UNFORTUNATELY, THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT HAS SHUT DOWN FOR AN INDEFINITE AMOUNT OF TIME! NASA WILL BE CLOSED UNTIL THE GOVERNMENT'S FUNDING CAN BE RESOLVED! IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE DIAL 911! HOWEVER, IF THIS IS A SPACE EMERGENCY, PLEASE DIAL 9111! THANK YOU AND HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Oh shit, that's right... Let's try the emergency number.
Does this really constitute an emergency?
Sure it does! Venom, we have to go to space! Our tag team titles are on the line here!
Mueller dials 9111
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO THE US GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN ALL WORKERS WERE SENT HOME UNTIL FUNDING CAN BE RESTORED"
Fuck!
"HOWEVER, IN THE CASE OF A SPACE EMERGENCY, SHIT MUST BE SERIOUS, AND YOU WILL BE GRANTED ACCESS TO NASA! PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF THE DUCKS, AND HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Oh. OH!
The NASA gate slowly begins to open in front of them. Goldbear II begins to growl the Jurassic Park theme as they slowly drive through the gate. They drive into the NASA compound, void of all life it seems. The parking lots are empty, the security check point is empty, and the NASA bathrooms are empty. Mueller stops the car in front of the NASA OPERATION CENTER building right at the front steps. Both men and Goldbear II get out and walk up the steps to the building.
Is it locked?
Mueller grabs the handle gives a light tug, it pops open. He opens the door for Venom and Golbear II.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Mueller follows Venom and Goldbear II inside. Motion-sensored lights begin to turn on in the hallways as they try to figure out their bearings.
So... What's the plan? Nobody's here to even set us up for going into space to begin with.
We'll figure it out, can't be that difficult to launch a 80 ton shuttle strapped to 225 tons of rockets carrying 550 tons of fuel.
J... James... Come on, man.
We'll figure it out! There's got to be some manuals around here as well.
James points at "COMMAND CENTER -->" written on the wall pointing down a hallway and start jogging down that direction. Venom sighs and follows. Goldbear II stands on his hind legs, smells the air, and then trots off a different hallway, labeled "<-- FOOD AND SUPPLIES DOCK". Goldbear II trots down the hallway, past a few empty offices and through a double door. He trots inside a warehouse area, full of different containers and a couple forklifts. Everything's carefully labeled from "SPACE WATER" to "SPACE MAGAZINES" to even "SPACE LUBE." Goldbear II sniffs the area carefully, he's locked on something. Goldbear II slowly makes his way through the stacks of supplies and into the loading dock. A few boxes are opened, sitting on a conveyor belt leading outside. Goldbear II sniffs around a particular box, labeled "SPACE SNACKS" and he begins to climb inside.
Meanwhile, in an empty Command Center, James Mueller opens the door inside. He looks upon dozens and dozens of computer stations, all turned so the users can face a large multi-screen set-up on the wall. A giant Windows logo bounces off the sides of the screens, a special NASA designed screensaver for sure. Mueller walks down an aisle, moving the mice until one near the middle front interupts the big screen's screensaver. Around the computer keyboard and the computer itself sits various buttons and special controllers. James sits down and finally spots what he needs, a manual labeled "HOW TO GET TO SPACE IN TEN STEPS" written by "Real Life Astronaught Peter North." Mueller opens and thumbs through the manual before Venom sits down next to him.
Shit, there really was a manual?
Yep... Aha!
James places the open manual next to the keyboard and begins reading the instructions aloud.
Step one... Press F3 to begin operations... well that's not too hard.
James presses F3 and a program launches full-screen. "LAUNCH PROCEDURES" followed by several areas for inputs in a complicated and extensive calculation, and several more buttons can be seen on the program. Mueller looks quizzingly at the program and then at the manual.
Step two... input the correct calculations or all will perish... The fuck is all this?
Venom leans in as well.
Looks like you need to do some *pretty extensive* math to send a shuttle into space.
I thought these smart engineers would have it all figured down into one button, what gives?? I can do this trignometry physics... bullshit. Some of these letters are fucking latin!
James slams the book shut and tosses it on the ground next to them. He buries his head into his arms in frustrated. Venom puts a hand on James back shoulder.
James, come on man, don't worry about it.
I needed this though...
What are you talking about?
James sits backs, he doesn't look upset but frustrated as he folds his arms.
Look, man... I know how you feel. I've also heard what some of the others have said about us.
What do you mean?
That we're no longer the Young Guns, that we're... That we're too old. That we don't... that we don't have it anymore, Venom. Personally, I thought it was bullshit... But you know, sometimes I lay in bed a little longer in the morning because my body has taken so much abuse over the years. Every morning, when I lay for an extra 5, 10, 15 minutes in the morning, I think about how I got there and what I'm doing to make it worse. I also think about our glory that we held, the legends that people still tell their children about us, and even the lives that we stepped on to get here. Magnus is probably dead because of me, I wouldn't be surprised at all. I also think about how putting more ring wear on me is negatively impact my future. But I'm willing to sacrifice my time and my life and my future for us to be back on top, Venom. But I need you to be there with me, every step of the way. I need you that passion, that fire that's deep down inside of you, and I... I brought us here to NASA because, quite frankly, who doesn't look at a shuttle launch and not become inspired? I wanted to inspire you again, Venom.
Venom looks down for a second to his clasped hands.
Venom, we're co-owners of GUNS... You are my tag team partner.. But most of all, Venom, you are my best friend... I just wanted to see invested in us again. I figured if I could get you back to 100, we could upset any doubter out there. Doesn't matter if they're a tron, a weaboo, an alcoholic, or... normal?
James... You know... You know I am. You don't think I'm there? You don't think I'm 100% invested in this?
I am, I am... And maybe, to be honest, I'm the one that needs convincing. I need the reassurance we can do this. And when I was kid, my uncle Goldberg, rest in peace, took me out here to Florida to watch a shuttle launch once. We sat on the back of his truck and I counted down with the giant NASA clock, and we watched those rockets kick and thrust off this planet. And as that shuttle was launched into space, my uncle leaned into my ear and he whispered "you can be anything you want, James." ...Then the space shuttle Challenger exploded and everyone burned to death slowly upon the descent, but... I believed.
..That's fucked up. Now move.
Both men stand up and Venom takes Mueller's spot.
What are you doing?
We're launching a god damn shuttle.
Venom looks around the console.
One of these has to do it....
Venom starts pushing buttons. The sounds of engines and mechanics can be heard. The lights in the office even dim and blink a few times. The big screen in front of the computers lights up with multiple cameras. The space shuttle itself can be seen on the launch pad, including several tubes and conveyor belts leading into it. Boxes shake back and forth on the belts, going in and out of the shuttle. The countdown clock starts up and turns off several times. The left turn blinker of the shuttle turns on. Back in command center. Behind him, Mueller's grinning. Venom's eyes divert away from the computer and something catches his attention. "HOW TO LAUNCH THE SPACE SHUTTLE IN ONE EASY STEP FOR DUMMIES" by "Real Life Astronaut Peter North". Venom grabs the manual, opens it up to the one and only page. He then looks at his computer.
Oh.. You were right. They did make it easy.
Huh?
Venom scrolls the mouse to an application on the desktop, "launch.exe". Venom double clicks it. The countdown clock lights up... 10....9....8...
Oh shit.
The screens all focus on the space shuttle outside. Rockets begin kicking on and spewing smoke. 7....6....
You did it!
Oh shit.
You did it!!
5....4....
Oh shit oh shit
You did it, Venom!
3....2....
Wait where's Goldbear II?
Goldbear II can be seen in the cockpit of the shuttle.
Oh shit.
1... "HAVE A SPACE DAY!" Fire and smoke blast out of the bottom of the rockets. The shuttle, along with Goldbear II, begin to push from the Earth and launch off the ground. Goldbear II falls down to the back of the shuttle and gets stuck. He lets out a load roar as the shuttle ascends into the clouds and out of sight.
James slinks into a nearby chair as him and Venom sit there, shocked and flabergasted. Suddenly, the door to the command center opens and a man in a tucked in button down shirt and glasses walks in with a box of donuts.
Who are you guys?
Um.. We're just... Overlooking things during the shutdown...
Government shutdown's over... DID YOU LAUNCH A SHUTTLE?!
Venom and Mueller scurry out of the office through the fire exit. The fire alarm turns behind them.
Hav... Have a Space Day!
Come on, James. What are we doing here?
If we're going to compete with teams that have fought on the moon... or a team like the Trons... We need to look at training outside of our elements.
Yeah but... Here?
Venom gestures towards what Mueller's looking at, a giant "WELCOME TO NASA" sign off the side of the road.
Yep. Venom... Today... We're going to space.
Mueller turns back to the driver side of the car. He whistles at Goldbear II. Goldbear II lifts his head up from wrestling an alligator. He releases the bear hug on the alligator and trots back to the car. The alligator looks a bit stunned but doesn't follow pursuit. Venom sighs and helps Goldbear II back into the car and shortly follows back into the car. James starts the ignition, checks for the traffic, and the black car is back on the road, passing the "WELCOME TO THE NASA" sign.
James... Do you have reservations to be here?
Reservations?
Oh boy. Dude, we can't just drive into NASA and demand a taxi ride into space.
Well no, we just want a shuttle ride for the afternoon.
It doesn't matter what you want, James, they won't just send you into space?
Why not?
Well, for one, you don't work for NASA.
Yeah, but they work for me.
Huh?
I pay my taxes like every self-respecting American and therefore I am their boss. I own NASA as much as the next guy.
I'm the next guy, James, and I sure as shit don't own NASA. Plus haven't you been living in the South Pacific for the last 7 years or so?
Semantics.
What? No, James, that's not how-
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Plus we're not even qualified to go into space.
And how do you figure that?
I mean... Astronauts go through years of training and testing, and you and I we're just...
We're just what?
Sports Enter.... We're wrestlers. We're professional... wrestlers.
You're god damn right.
James steps on the gas to get there soo- oh wait they're there. The black car slows and stops at a large gate with an intercom near the driver side door. Next to the gate is a NASA sign.
Let me do all the talking.
I wasn't going to say a damn thing, I don't think we should even be here.
Thanks.
Mueller leans out and presses a red button on the intercom. A dial tone can be heard, followed by a speed dial. A few rings and suddenly they are greeted by an computerized message:
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! IF YOU KNOW YOUR PARTIES EXTENSION, PLEASE DIAL NOW AND PRESS POUND, OTHERWISE STAY ON THE LINE AND AN OPERATOR WILL BE WITH YOUR SHORTLY! HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Mueller turns to Venom for a second.
A... "Space Day?"
Venom shrugs. The intercom begins ringing again and Mueller turns his attention back to it. Another computerized voice answers:
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! UNFORTUNATELY, THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT HAS SHUT DOWN FOR AN INDEFINITE AMOUNT OF TIME! NASA WILL BE CLOSED UNTIL THE GOVERNMENT'S FUNDING CAN BE RESOLVED! IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE DIAL 911! HOWEVER, IF THIS IS A SPACE EMERGENCY, PLEASE DIAL 9111! THANK YOU AND HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Oh shit, that's right... Let's try the emergency number.
Does this really constitute an emergency?
Sure it does! Venom, we have to go to space! Our tag team titles are on the line here!
Mueller dials 9111
"GREETINGS! AND WELCOME TO NASA! UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO THE US GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN ALL WORKERS WERE SENT HOME UNTIL FUNDING CAN BE RESTORED"
Fuck!
"HOWEVER, IN THE CASE OF A SPACE EMERGENCY, SHIT MUST BE SERIOUS, AND YOU WILL BE GRANTED ACCESS TO NASA! PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF THE DUCKS, AND HAVE A SPACE DAY!"
Oh. OH!
The NASA gate slowly begins to open in front of them. Goldbear II begins to growl the Jurassic Park theme as they slowly drive through the gate. They drive into the NASA compound, void of all life it seems. The parking lots are empty, the security check point is empty, and the NASA bathrooms are empty. Mueller stops the car in front of the NASA OPERATION CENTER building right at the front steps. Both men and Goldbear II get out and walk up the steps to the building.
Is it locked?
Mueller grabs the handle gives a light tug, it pops open. He opens the door for Venom and Golbear II.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Mueller follows Venom and Goldbear II inside. Motion-sensored lights begin to turn on in the hallways as they try to figure out their bearings.
So... What's the plan? Nobody's here to even set us up for going into space to begin with.
We'll figure it out, can't be that difficult to launch a 80 ton shuttle strapped to 225 tons of rockets carrying 550 tons of fuel.
J... James... Come on, man.
We'll figure it out! There's got to be some manuals around here as well.
James points at "COMMAND CENTER -->" written on the wall pointing down a hallway and start jogging down that direction. Venom sighs and follows. Goldbear II stands on his hind legs, smells the air, and then trots off a different hallway, labeled "<-- FOOD AND SUPPLIES DOCK". Goldbear II trots down the hallway, past a few empty offices and through a double door. He trots inside a warehouse area, full of different containers and a couple forklifts. Everything's carefully labeled from "SPACE WATER" to "SPACE MAGAZINES" to even "SPACE LUBE." Goldbear II sniffs the area carefully, he's locked on something. Goldbear II slowly makes his way through the stacks of supplies and into the loading dock. A few boxes are opened, sitting on a conveyor belt leading outside. Goldbear II sniffs around a particular box, labeled "SPACE SNACKS" and he begins to climb inside.
Meanwhile, in an empty Command Center, James Mueller opens the door inside. He looks upon dozens and dozens of computer stations, all turned so the users can face a large multi-screen set-up on the wall. A giant Windows logo bounces off the sides of the screens, a special NASA designed screensaver for sure. Mueller walks down an aisle, moving the mice until one near the middle front interupts the big screen's screensaver. Around the computer keyboard and the computer itself sits various buttons and special controllers. James sits down and finally spots what he needs, a manual labeled "HOW TO GET TO SPACE IN TEN STEPS" written by "Real Life Astronaught Peter North." Mueller opens and thumbs through the manual before Venom sits down next to him.
Shit, there really was a manual?
Yep... Aha!
James places the open manual next to the keyboard and begins reading the instructions aloud.
Step one... Press F3 to begin operations... well that's not too hard.
James presses F3 and a program launches full-screen. "LAUNCH PROCEDURES" followed by several areas for inputs in a complicated and extensive calculation, and several more buttons can be seen on the program. Mueller looks quizzingly at the program and then at the manual.
Step two... input the correct calculations or all will perish... The fuck is all this?
Venom leans in as well.
Looks like you need to do some *pretty extensive* math to send a shuttle into space.
I thought these smart engineers would have it all figured down into one button, what gives?? I can do this trignometry physics... bullshit. Some of these letters are fucking latin!
James slams the book shut and tosses it on the ground next to them. He buries his head into his arms in frustrated. Venom puts a hand on James back shoulder.
James, come on man, don't worry about it.
I needed this though...
What are you talking about?
James sits backs, he doesn't look upset but frustrated as he folds his arms.
Look, man... I know how you feel. I've also heard what some of the others have said about us.
What do you mean?
That we're no longer the Young Guns, that we're... That we're too old. That we don't... that we don't have it anymore, Venom. Personally, I thought it was bullshit... But you know, sometimes I lay in bed a little longer in the morning because my body has taken so much abuse over the years. Every morning, when I lay for an extra 5, 10, 15 minutes in the morning, I think about how I got there and what I'm doing to make it worse. I also think about our glory that we held, the legends that people still tell their children about us, and even the lives that we stepped on to get here. Magnus is probably dead because of me, I wouldn't be surprised at all. I also think about how putting more ring wear on me is negatively impact my future. But I'm willing to sacrifice my time and my life and my future for us to be back on top, Venom. But I need you to be there with me, every step of the way. I need you that passion, that fire that's deep down inside of you, and I... I brought us here to NASA because, quite frankly, who doesn't look at a shuttle launch and not become inspired? I wanted to inspire you again, Venom.
Venom looks down for a second to his clasped hands.
Venom, we're co-owners of GUNS... You are my tag team partner.. But most of all, Venom, you are my best friend... I just wanted to see invested in us again. I figured if I could get you back to 100, we could upset any doubter out there. Doesn't matter if they're a tron, a weaboo, an alcoholic, or... normal?
James... You know... You know I am. You don't think I'm there? You don't think I'm 100% invested in this?
I am, I am... And maybe, to be honest, I'm the one that needs convincing. I need the reassurance we can do this. And when I was kid, my uncle Goldberg, rest in peace, took me out here to Florida to watch a shuttle launch once. We sat on the back of his truck and I counted down with the giant NASA clock, and we watched those rockets kick and thrust off this planet. And as that shuttle was launched into space, my uncle leaned into my ear and he whispered "you can be anything you want, James." ...Then the space shuttle Challenger exploded and everyone burned to death slowly upon the descent, but... I believed.
..That's fucked up. Now move.
Both men stand up and Venom takes Mueller's spot.
What are you doing?
We're launching a god damn shuttle.
Venom looks around the console.
One of these has to do it....
Venom starts pushing buttons. The sounds of engines and mechanics can be heard. The lights in the office even dim and blink a few times. The big screen in front of the computers lights up with multiple cameras. The space shuttle itself can be seen on the launch pad, including several tubes and conveyor belts leading into it. Boxes shake back and forth on the belts, going in and out of the shuttle. The countdown clock starts up and turns off several times. The left turn blinker of the shuttle turns on. Back in command center. Behind him, Mueller's grinning. Venom's eyes divert away from the computer and something catches his attention. "HOW TO LAUNCH THE SPACE SHUTTLE IN ONE EASY STEP FOR DUMMIES" by "Real Life Astronaut Peter North". Venom grabs the manual, opens it up to the one and only page. He then looks at his computer.
Oh.. You were right. They did make it easy.
Huh?
Venom scrolls the mouse to an application on the desktop, "launch.exe". Venom double clicks it. The countdown clock lights up... 10....9....8...
Oh shit.
The screens all focus on the space shuttle outside. Rockets begin kicking on and spewing smoke. 7....6....
You did it!
Oh shit.
You did it!!
5....4....
Oh shit oh shit
You did it, Venom!
3....2....
Wait where's Goldbear II?
Goldbear II can be seen in the cockpit of the shuttle.
Oh shit.
1... "HAVE A SPACE DAY!" Fire and smoke blast out of the bottom of the rockets. The shuttle, along with Goldbear II, begin to push from the Earth and launch off the ground. Goldbear II falls down to the back of the shuttle and gets stuck. He lets out a load roar as the shuttle ascends into the clouds and out of sight.
James slinks into a nearby chair as him and Venom sit there, shocked and flabergasted. Suddenly, the door to the command center opens and a man in a tucked in button down shirt and glasses walks in with a box of donuts.
Who are you guys?
Um.. We're just... Overlooking things during the shutdown...
Government shutdown's over... DID YOU LAUNCH A SHUTTLE?!
Venom and Mueller scurry out of the office through the fire exit. The fire alarm turns behind them.
Hav... Have a Space Day!
