Post by Tommy Kelly on Jan 24, 2018 22:53:51 GMT -5
The onslaught of beat-down after beat-down, the vicious attacks from XHF legends and rising stars, the defeats in Europe, in Russia...they all take their toll, they all weigh heavy in the aging mind of a former superstar...losing a match is one thing, but losing a title is much more...a part of your soul escapes, a part of your very being dies...and with it you either crumble and fade away, or you allow yourself to rise once more after your moment of weakness, to get back to your feet and stand. Because the darkness only lasts for so long, before the new light appears. For a man of darkness and despair, only one thing calls to him now, only one solution is clear in his mind…
Cheers and applause ring out loudly, as the camera opens up on the set of a game show, showing the whole stage surrounded by a live audience.
With the music still playing, the man himself walks out from the back, waving to the crowd and smiling his pearly whites at the camera. He keeps waving until the music and applause settles down.
Hey y’all, how you folks doing? Thank you, thank you very much...I’m your host Steve Harvey and boy do we have a good one in store for you tonight, yes we do a very special show for you all. Yes, that right, tonight we brought in...the big guns! Whoo, you know what that means!
More cheers and applause from the crowd, as Steve Harvey waits his turn to speak.
Now let's get started...from Seattle, Washington, representing the darkness and misery in us all, a family that craves violence and mayhem...let’s give it up for The Brotherhood!
Cutting to the left of the screen, we find StormCrow and Synn standing at their podium, accompanied by three familiar looking ladies...Bodhi, Katie Boom-Boom and Kazia-X, combined to form F.E.M.!
And from Cambridge, England, representing robotics, masks and some other crazy stuff I’m too old to understand...The Anomalies!
Cutting to the right of the screen, we see Anomaly stood at the podium accompanied by some familiar faces...Bobby Barratt, Dylan Black, Kira Izumi and Shogun-Tron!...actually on closer inspection, it just looks like them, but it’s not actually them...no really, no lawsuits please.
Everybody's here trying to win themselves a lot of cash, and have the possibility of walking out with this top prize right here...the AXW Championship belt!
The camera cuts to an area off stage, where the AXW title is rotating on a platform, shined up and looking beautiful. Synn leans into StormCrow and whispers…
Man, couldn’t you just give the fucking belt back to Anomaly and gets this over with?
No way dude, plus...check it out, its Family Feud! I love this show!
Now let's get this started! You and you to me!
Steve Harvey signals for the captains of both teams to come forward, so StormCrow and Anomaly both approach the podium in the center, standing on either side of him. Instead of shaking hands, Anomaly gives Crow the finger, but Crow does a robotic masturbation motion...which is weird, because Anomaly isn’t even a robot anymore. He’s just so lame luchadore now.
Alright we all know the rules, so let’s kick it off. First question...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event-
Anomaly slams his buzzer hard, racing in with the first answer.
My AXW Championship belt!
They all turn to face the screen, but get a ‘EE-OH’ sound. Annoyed, Anomaly returns to his side as does Crow, and Steve Harvey comes to the Brotherhood’s table. Crow reaches out his hand to shake, but Steve Harvey makes a beeline for the center spot, and reaches for Bodhi’s hand.
My my my, look at you...how you doin’ tonight beautiful?
Oh my, thank you, I’m doing great Steve!
Now tell me this, a trio of stunning women such as yourselves...why would you come here tonight with these two crusty dogs?
Laughter from the audience.
Aw, they are not so bad! Crow and Synn are two awesome dudes, we crossed paths not too long back at an XHF show and we’ve been buds since! And tonight we’re here to kick some tail! Woo!
Cheers from the crowd, and some excitement and buzz from the Brotherhood table.
Alright sweetie, same question to you...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
Um, StormCrow’s AXW Championship belt?
They all look to the screen...45 POINTS! Across the set, you can hear the muffled sound of someone shouting ‘what the fuck!’. Steve Harvey moves to the next person, Kazia-X.
Hello hello my dear. Same question to you, name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
...the blood of my enemies…
Steve Harvey looks shocked, but intrigued. He turns to the board...‘EE-OH!’...he moves to the next in line, Katie Boom-Boom. She’s already pumped up, and immediately goes for a high-five.
Damn girl I like your spunk! Keep it going! Alright Katie, name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
Woo! Family Feud! I’m gonna say...a set of sweaty tights, mate!
They all look to the board....40 POINTS! Cheers and clapping from the Brotherhood, as the Anomalies start to look annoyed. Finally Steve makes his make to Synn, they shake hands and he asks…
Alright Synn, you look like you know a thing or two...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
...facepaint. Lots of facepaint.
Synn crosses his arms and smiles, his heavily painted face looking weird when he smiles. They all look to the board…’EE-OH!’. Synn curses as Steve makes his way to StormCrow.
Here we are...the Storm Crow...y’know I remember watching you two boys wrestling way way back. You guys were good, really good...what happened?
Laughter and applause from the crowd.
Alright Crow...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
A bottle of hooch!
Hmm, wouldn’t expect to find that surely...lets look…
They all look to the board...15 POINTS!
Wow, you guys got all the answers in one shot! And there were only three answers this time, nice work!
Across the room you can hear Anomaly shout ‘what the fuck!’ yet again, but now Steve Harvey makes his way to their side and walks up to Anomaly.
Now...Anomaly? Wait that’s your character name?
Yes...why?
Steve Harvey starts laughing, slapping his knee and doing his whole theatrics as always. You can’t see his face but you can tell Anomaly is pissed.
I’m sorry, it’s just...if you're an anomaly, why don’t you dress like a robot? Or a futuristic punk? That’s more abnormal than some guy in a ski-mask...anyway, next round. Anomaly, your question...name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
Um...my moms house.
Steve opens his eyes wide and looks at anomaly, the answer a little unusual. He turns to the board.
Mother’s house!
…’EE-OH!’...
Alright next person...Bobby Barratt. Now where have I heard that name before?
AWF World Heavyweight Champion baby!
Oh you are? Hmm, you are a lot shorter than I would have expected...nonetheless, let’s get a look at that world title belt you got.
Uh...I didn’t wear it tonight. I only put it on for, er, special occasions.
Steve Harvey does one of those ‘hmm hmm’ noises, and asks the question, name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
...a museum?
They all look at the board...60 POINTS! The Anomalies all cheer and get excited, as Steve Harvey moves down to Dylan Black.
Alright Dylan? How you doin’ tonight?
I’m great Steve, let’s get this over with.
Hmm, you know...you attitude is just like Anomaly’s...and your voice is just like his too...are you two related?
What? No...uh, I mean, we’re friends and that, but no, we don’t live together...look we’re not the same person OK!
So your saying that you are the REAL Dylan Black?
Silence from the superstar.
Alright, whatever. The question for you, “Dylan Black”-
Steve Harvey does bunny fingers/ air quotes.
-name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
Strip club.
Laughter and cheers from the crowd.
Woo, I don’t know what clubs you’ve been attending, but boy have you been doing it wrong! Ooh eeh!
Laughing, Steve Harvey turns to the board to wait for the answer...15 POINTS!
Whoa, two answers and up to 75 points already. Anomalies are catching up! Next person...how you doing tonight, Mr...Izumi?
Kira bows, acknowledging his name being called.
So Kira, you might not follow the words I am saying, but I know all you guys are going to be in a match-up soon versus those two old hags on that side...are you excited for the big night?
Aw yih mane, they ain’ gon’ do nuttin’ to us, we is gon’ smash dem biys up! Yee-haw!
Taken aback, Steve Harvey just looks into his face.
I thought you were Japanese...but your really just a hick in disguise! My oh my oh my...OK, “Kira Izumi”-
Finger quotes again, laughter from the crowd, some fart noises from StormCrow...
-name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
The zoo! Ma cousin Skeeter wus in wun dis wun taim an’ they wusnt gon’ let him touch no seal’s or nuttin’-
Ignoring the hillbilly, Steve Harvey turns to the screen...25 POINTS!
Well I’ll be, another perfect round! Let’s take this opportunity to go to a commercial break. We’ll be right back!
A short commercial break plays, showing Anomaly wrestling and building up to his match with StormCrow for the AXW Championship…
We cut back to the set after the commercial break, to find Steve Harvey over chatting to the ladies of F.E.M. …
...so what you’re telling me, is you girls banded up together to form an all-woman power group?
They nod, all smiles.
Well well, the world needs more of you ladies. Don’t let the back get you down, instead take the man down! And you can take me down any time you want…
Steve Harvey winks at them, clearly not what a trio of feminists want to hear.
Alright, Synn and StormCrow…’The Brotherhood’. You two guys have such a huge match coming up soon, fighting not one by four other tag teams for the XHF Tag Titles! How do you feel?
Steve, to say we are excited is an understatement. We just can’t wait to get in that ring, slap some jaws, kick some shins and all round just really scratch some elbows, y’know?
Uh, I don’t actually...man you’re breath reeks of booze! Did you have a couple before coming out here? Steady the nerves a little?
Sure, a few earlier, a few before, a few during the break…
From beneath the table Crow produces a hipflask and takes a swig, whatever it is making Steve Harvey’s eyes water. Synn breaks the awkwardness.
Steve it's an honor to be here. But what we are truly pumped up for is taking on the GUNS in their own match, wrestling for the gold. The other teams in the match are going to be serious opposition, from Muramasa with their dangerous high flying moves and vicious strikes, to Team Tron with their futuristic strategies and manoeuvres. We can’t take anyone lightly, so we’ll be going in full hog. The Darkness are already champions in their game, so it’ll make it extra hazardous, fighting not one but two teams of champions in one match. We’re gonna give it our all, and hopefully come out on top.
*BURP* Yep, what Synn said…
Steve shakes hands with Synn, looks to Crow and rolls his eyes before crossing back to the Anomalies.
So this is a team combined of challengers then? From Anomaly who wants his belt back, to Bobby who’s going to be defending the honor of his company, to Kira, Dylan and Shogun-Tron all competing to take home those sweet tag team titles...so guys, what's the game plan for Sunday?
Bobby hits his buzzer, which is unusual as they are just talking now, but Steve walks over to him.
Let me make this clear to you Steve, and to all of you watching at home...StormCrow doesn’t have a chance! You think he’s making that tag team match? You’re wrong. Dead wrong! I’m gonna take Crow apart piece by piece until there is nothing left but...smaller pieces. I’, gonna crush him into the ground, then I’m gonna defecate all over his body, then I’m gonna whip out my-
Whoa man, whoa! This is a family show! FAMILY Feud? Get it? Jeez Louise…
StormCrow is heard shouting from across the stage, ‘Fraud! Fake! Phonies!’.
What is you shouting at over there?
Those are fakers! Actors! Anomaly you jerk you can't fool us! Don't listen to them Steeeeve!
Steve Harvey stares in confusion, until he is interrupted.
Steve I’d like to say a few words…
Steve walks to Dylan Black.
...this tag title is a big deal, and nobody wants to lose, but the simple matter of the fact is that the Brotherhood don’t stand a chance! The GUNS are going down, but there is only one team that can do it...The Darkness!
Dylan signals for music to play...
Music starts to blast around the set, as Steve Harvey begins to dance. Hell, even the whole Team Brotherhood get into it, the smooth guitar riffs and serenading voice of Justin Hawkins’ getting them all in the mood to boogie. Dylan starts waving his hands, motioning to cut the music.
That is NOT our music! That is NOT us!
‘...you’re really growing on meee, you’re really growing on MEEEE!’
Shut the fuck up, ShitCrow!
Whoa whoa whoa, what did I JUST say! FAMILY Feud!
In the commotion, Shogun Tron motions for Steve Harvey to come down to him at the end.
YOU. HAVE. NOT. ASKED. MY. OPINIONS. ON. THE. MATCH.
Erm, alright we can do that...Shogun-Tron ladies and gentlemen, leader of Team Tron and vendor of that delicious Hyperbeer stuff...Shogun, your thoughts on the upcoming match?
WE. ARE. GOING. TO. EXTERMINATE.
WE. ARE. GOING. TO. EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMIN-
He does a weird robot move, kinda like a robot dance, but more thrust-y, his hips doing all the work. I guess he thrusts too robot-ly, as his head comes off...well not his real head, just whatever mask he was wearing. Underneath is a spotty freckled weird kid, sweating from the warm mask.
EXTERmina...shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen…
Laughter and applause from the crowd, and eruptions of hysterical laughter from StormCrow and Synn. they begin a chant of ‘FAKERS! FAKERS! FAKERS!’ that the whole team joins in with, and even some of the audience.
Ok ok, I think it’s time for another commercial break...right about now!
“Do you wish to be a nice guy? Want more friends and for people to feel safe around you? Then why not become a babyface softie lovable goo-goo just like your Idol...Bobby Barratt!”
“So as you can see, you too can be just as silly and non-threatening as this 5 foot nothing huggable piece of marshmallow. Be like Bobby Barratt today, and be the best babyface ever. Totally not heel!”
We cut back to Family Feud...but chaos has erupted in the studio. Both sides are shouting and yelling across at each other, with Steve Harvey in the middle trying to calm things down.
….guys! Guys! Girls! Calm it down, c’mon y’all I don't get paid enough for this shi- oh we’re back! Welcome back to Family Feud! Filmed LIVE in front of an audience...now, let's continue…
But it's no use, for both teams have erupted fully now, with the ladies of F.E.M. tossing items across at the other side, the team of phonies. The fake Shogun cowers in fear, while the hillbilly fake Kira just laughs and says crap. Synn tosses a beer coaster, don’t know where he got it from, across the room and it hits Dylan Black right into the face...er, fake Dylan Black. These guys are definitely not the real deal. Black erupts, screaming insults back and tossing beer coasters of his own. I don’t know where all these beer coasters are coming from, don’t ask me I’m just telling you what I see, it's not like I'm making this shit up as I go along...
Guys! Girls! Guys! Girls...oh forget it, see you next time y’all!
Giving up on settling the peace, Steve Harvey resigns to the back and leaves the bickering children alone. Crow is perched on the end of his table, sipping a hipflask and laughing. Anomaly is shouting at his guys, trying to calm them down but it's no good. Shogun Tron is actually crying now, as Kasia-X is insulting him. Katie Boom-Boom leaps over the table and runs for Bobby Barratt...but she doesn't attack him, instead jumping onto him and locking lips. They roll on the floor, frantically making out like teens.
Katie! What the heck girl!
Bodhi shouts after her teammate, but it's futile. Synn, deciding to just quit walks to the back, chasing down Steve Harvey for some of that good backstage chronic. With all the madness going on, StormCrow slips behind the makeshift wall behind him and out of sight of the cameras. An audible ‘aaahhhh’ can be heard, and liquids appear on the floor.
StormCrow! Are you taking a piss behind the barricade? What the hell man!
With the madness escalating by the second, Anomaly decides it's time to act, and runs across the set passing The Brotherhood’s table and over the the left hand side area. Where there is normally a car or large prize up for grabs is now the AXW World Heavyweight Championship on a pedestal, rotating. He grabs it from the pedestal, shouts something ignorant back to Crow and splits. Crow screams after him…
Anomaly you dick wad! Bring me back my belt! You son of a...c’mon c’mon here, it’s so hard to stop going once you start...Anomaly you penis merchant! I’ll get that back, just you wait!
With Anomaly running away and taking the belt, it's just StormCrow taking a leak behind the wall, Synn vacated along with Steve Harvey, and only Bodhi and Kasia-X left standing on the Brotherhood table. Across the way Kira is consoling a very upset Shogun-Tron, while Dylan Black rubs his big nose and Katie Boom-Boom makes out with fake Bobby Barratt...yeah, it's been a riot writing this!
The camera man tries to get all the action in, but is unable to. Bodhi spots the camera and walks right up to it.
Yo yo yo folks at home! You guys pumped for Supremacy? Good! Because one thing your gonna see is this...F.E.M. are gonna smash some butt! Asian butt! Crow and Synn are gonna win tag titles, and Bobby Blueballs is going to be crying in his room all night long! You heard it here first, this side of the room is the team to watch for! We are the future! Kasia-X, show them what you mean…
The camera pans back, to show Crow re emerging from behind the wall, his penis still on show as he struggles to put it back in his jeans. Kazia-X stares at him and it, but he nods at her to motion the camera. Confused of what Bodhi is asking, she assumes Bodhi is asking for her goods, so Kazia-X flashes her tits. It is finally at this point that the producer decided to formally cut the footage, and resorts to one last commercial break…
A trailer plays for an upcoming show...“A Guide to Better Living”, by Mongo the Destroyer. Coming soon to Netflix.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys & Girls...it’s time to play FAMILY FEUD!”
Cheers and applause ring out loudly, as the camera opens up on the set of a game show, showing the whole stage surrounded by a live audience.
“And your host for the evening...give it up for STEEVEE HARVEEEEY!!”
With the music still playing, the man himself walks out from the back, waving to the crowd and smiling his pearly whites at the camera. He keeps waving until the music and applause settles down.
Hey y’all, how you folks doing? Thank you, thank you very much...I’m your host Steve Harvey and boy do we have a good one in store for you tonight, yes we do a very special show for you all. Yes, that right, tonight we brought in...the big guns! Whoo, you know what that means!
More cheers and applause from the crowd, as Steve Harvey waits his turn to speak.
Now let's get started...from Seattle, Washington, representing the darkness and misery in us all, a family that craves violence and mayhem...let’s give it up for The Brotherhood!
Cutting to the left of the screen, we find StormCrow and Synn standing at their podium, accompanied by three familiar looking ladies...Bodhi, Katie Boom-Boom and Kazia-X, combined to form F.E.M.!
And from Cambridge, England, representing robotics, masks and some other crazy stuff I’m too old to understand...The Anomalies!
Cutting to the right of the screen, we see Anomaly stood at the podium accompanied by some familiar faces...Bobby Barratt, Dylan Black, Kira Izumi and Shogun-Tron!...actually on closer inspection, it just looks like them, but it’s not actually them...no really, no lawsuits please.
Everybody's here trying to win themselves a lot of cash, and have the possibility of walking out with this top prize right here...the AXW Championship belt!
The camera cuts to an area off stage, where the AXW title is rotating on a platform, shined up and looking beautiful. Synn leans into StormCrow and whispers…
Man, couldn’t you just give the fucking belt back to Anomaly and gets this over with?
No way dude, plus...check it out, its Family Feud! I love this show!
Now let's get this started! You and you to me!
Steve Harvey signals for the captains of both teams to come forward, so StormCrow and Anomaly both approach the podium in the center, standing on either side of him. Instead of shaking hands, Anomaly gives Crow the finger, but Crow does a robotic masturbation motion...which is weird, because Anomaly isn’t even a robot anymore. He’s just so lame luchadore now.
Alright we all know the rules, so let’s kick it off. First question...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event-
Anomaly slams his buzzer hard, racing in with the first answer.
My AXW Championship belt!
They all turn to face the screen, but get a ‘EE-OH’ sound. Annoyed, Anomaly returns to his side as does Crow, and Steve Harvey comes to the Brotherhood’s table. Crow reaches out his hand to shake, but Steve Harvey makes a beeline for the center spot, and reaches for Bodhi’s hand.
My my my, look at you...how you doin’ tonight beautiful?
Oh my, thank you, I’m doing great Steve!
Now tell me this, a trio of stunning women such as yourselves...why would you come here tonight with these two crusty dogs?
Laughter from the audience.
Aw, they are not so bad! Crow and Synn are two awesome dudes, we crossed paths not too long back at an XHF show and we’ve been buds since! And tonight we’re here to kick some tail! Woo!
Cheers from the crowd, and some excitement and buzz from the Brotherhood table.
Alright sweetie, same question to you...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
Um, StormCrow’s AXW Championship belt?
They all look to the screen...45 POINTS! Across the set, you can hear the muffled sound of someone shouting ‘what the fuck!’. Steve Harvey moves to the next person, Kazia-X.
Hello hello my dear. Same question to you, name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
...the blood of my enemies…
Steve Harvey looks shocked, but intrigued. He turns to the board...‘EE-OH!’...he moves to the next in line, Katie Boom-Boom. She’s already pumped up, and immediately goes for a high-five.
Damn girl I like your spunk! Keep it going! Alright Katie, name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
Woo! Family Feud! I’m gonna say...a set of sweaty tights, mate!
They all look to the board....40 POINTS! Cheers and clapping from the Brotherhood, as the Anomalies start to look annoyed. Finally Steve makes his make to Synn, they shake hands and he asks…
Alright Synn, you look like you know a thing or two...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
...facepaint. Lots of facepaint.
Synn crosses his arms and smiles, his heavily painted face looking weird when he smiles. They all look to the board…’EE-OH!’. Synn curses as Steve makes his way to StormCrow.
Here we are...the Storm Crow...y’know I remember watching you two boys wrestling way way back. You guys were good, really good...what happened?
Laughter and applause from the crowd.
Alright Crow...name an item you might find in the locker room of a Pro Wrestling event.
A bottle of hooch!
Hmm, wouldn’t expect to find that surely...lets look…
They all look to the board...15 POINTS!
Wow, you guys got all the answers in one shot! And there were only three answers this time, nice work!
Across the room you can hear Anomaly shout ‘what the fuck!’ yet again, but now Steve Harvey makes his way to their side and walks up to Anomaly.
Now...Anomaly? Wait that’s your character name?
Yes...why?
Steve Harvey starts laughing, slapping his knee and doing his whole theatrics as always. You can’t see his face but you can tell Anomaly is pissed.
I’m sorry, it’s just...if you're an anomaly, why don’t you dress like a robot? Or a futuristic punk? That’s more abnormal than some guy in a ski-mask...anyway, next round. Anomaly, your question...name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
Um...my moms house.
Steve opens his eyes wide and looks at anomaly, the answer a little unusual. He turns to the board.
Mother’s house!
…’EE-OH!’...
Alright next person...Bobby Barratt. Now where have I heard that name before?
AWF World Heavyweight Champion baby!
Oh you are? Hmm, you are a lot shorter than I would have expected...nonetheless, let’s get a look at that world title belt you got.
Uh...I didn’t wear it tonight. I only put it on for, er, special occasions.
Steve Harvey does one of those ‘hmm hmm’ noises, and asks the question, name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
...a museum?
They all look at the board...60 POINTS! The Anomalies all cheer and get excited, as Steve Harvey moves down to Dylan Black.
Alright Dylan? How you doin’ tonight?
I’m great Steve, let’s get this over with.
Hmm, you know...you attitude is just like Anomaly’s...and your voice is just like his too...are you two related?
What? No...uh, I mean, we’re friends and that, but no, we don’t live together...look we’re not the same person OK!
So your saying that you are the REAL Dylan Black?
Silence from the superstar.
Alright, whatever. The question for you, “Dylan Black”-
Steve Harvey does bunny fingers/ air quotes.
-name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
Strip club.
Laughter and cheers from the crowd.
Woo, I don’t know what clubs you’ve been attending, but boy have you been doing it wrong! Ooh eeh!
Laughing, Steve Harvey turns to the board to wait for the answer...15 POINTS!
Whoa, two answers and up to 75 points already. Anomalies are catching up! Next person...how you doing tonight, Mr...Izumi?
Kira bows, acknowledging his name being called.
So Kira, you might not follow the words I am saying, but I know all you guys are going to be in a match-up soon versus those two old hags on that side...are you excited for the big night?
Aw yih mane, they ain’ gon’ do nuttin’ to us, we is gon’ smash dem biys up! Yee-haw!
Taken aback, Steve Harvey just looks into his face.
I thought you were Japanese...but your really just a hick in disguise! My oh my oh my...OK, “Kira Izumi”-
Finger quotes again, laughter from the crowd, some fart noises from StormCrow...
-name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything.
The zoo! Ma cousin Skeeter wus in wun dis wun taim an’ they wusnt gon’ let him touch no seal’s or nuttin’-
Ignoring the hillbilly, Steve Harvey turns to the screen...25 POINTS!
Well I’ll be, another perfect round! Let’s take this opportunity to go to a commercial break. We’ll be right back!
A short commercial break plays, showing Anomaly wrestling and building up to his match with StormCrow for the AXW Championship…
We cut back to the set after the commercial break, to find Steve Harvey over chatting to the ladies of F.E.M. …
...so what you’re telling me, is you girls banded up together to form an all-woman power group?
They nod, all smiles.
Well well, the world needs more of you ladies. Don’t let the back get you down, instead take the man down! And you can take me down any time you want…
Steve Harvey winks at them, clearly not what a trio of feminists want to hear.
Alright, Synn and StormCrow…’The Brotherhood’. You two guys have such a huge match coming up soon, fighting not one by four other tag teams for the XHF Tag Titles! How do you feel?
Steve, to say we are excited is an understatement. We just can’t wait to get in that ring, slap some jaws, kick some shins and all round just really scratch some elbows, y’know?
Uh, I don’t actually...man you’re breath reeks of booze! Did you have a couple before coming out here? Steady the nerves a little?
Sure, a few earlier, a few before, a few during the break…
From beneath the table Crow produces a hipflask and takes a swig, whatever it is making Steve Harvey’s eyes water. Synn breaks the awkwardness.
Steve it's an honor to be here. But what we are truly pumped up for is taking on the GUNS in their own match, wrestling for the gold. The other teams in the match are going to be serious opposition, from Muramasa with their dangerous high flying moves and vicious strikes, to Team Tron with their futuristic strategies and manoeuvres. We can’t take anyone lightly, so we’ll be going in full hog. The Darkness are already champions in their game, so it’ll make it extra hazardous, fighting not one but two teams of champions in one match. We’re gonna give it our all, and hopefully come out on top.
*BURP* Yep, what Synn said…
Steve shakes hands with Synn, looks to Crow and rolls his eyes before crossing back to the Anomalies.
So this is a team combined of challengers then? From Anomaly who wants his belt back, to Bobby who’s going to be defending the honor of his company, to Kira, Dylan and Shogun-Tron all competing to take home those sweet tag team titles...so guys, what's the game plan for Sunday?
Bobby hits his buzzer, which is unusual as they are just talking now, but Steve walks over to him.
Let me make this clear to you Steve, and to all of you watching at home...StormCrow doesn’t have a chance! You think he’s making that tag team match? You’re wrong. Dead wrong! I’m gonna take Crow apart piece by piece until there is nothing left but...smaller pieces. I’, gonna crush him into the ground, then I’m gonna defecate all over his body, then I’m gonna whip out my-
Whoa man, whoa! This is a family show! FAMILY Feud? Get it? Jeez Louise…
StormCrow is heard shouting from across the stage, ‘Fraud! Fake! Phonies!’.
What is you shouting at over there?
Those are fakers! Actors! Anomaly you jerk you can't fool us! Don't listen to them Steeeeve!
Steve Harvey stares in confusion, until he is interrupted.
Steve I’d like to say a few words…
Steve walks to Dylan Black.
...this tag title is a big deal, and nobody wants to lose, but the simple matter of the fact is that the Brotherhood don’t stand a chance! The GUNS are going down, but there is only one team that can do it...The Darkness!
Dylan signals for music to play...
Music starts to blast around the set, as Steve Harvey begins to dance. Hell, even the whole Team Brotherhood get into it, the smooth guitar riffs and serenading voice of Justin Hawkins’ getting them all in the mood to boogie. Dylan starts waving his hands, motioning to cut the music.
That is NOT our music! That is NOT us!
‘...you’re really growing on meee, you’re really growing on MEEEE!’
Shut the fuck up, ShitCrow!
Whoa whoa whoa, what did I JUST say! FAMILY Feud!
In the commotion, Shogun Tron motions for Steve Harvey to come down to him at the end.
YOU. HAVE. NOT. ASKED. MY. OPINIONS. ON. THE. MATCH.
Erm, alright we can do that...Shogun-Tron ladies and gentlemen, leader of Team Tron and vendor of that delicious Hyperbeer stuff...Shogun, your thoughts on the upcoming match?
WE. ARE. GOING. TO. EXTERMINATE.
WE. ARE. GOING. TO. EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMIN-
He does a weird robot move, kinda like a robot dance, but more thrust-y, his hips doing all the work. I guess he thrusts too robot-ly, as his head comes off...well not his real head, just whatever mask he was wearing. Underneath is a spotty freckled weird kid, sweating from the warm mask.
EXTERmina...shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen…
Laughter and applause from the crowd, and eruptions of hysterical laughter from StormCrow and Synn. they begin a chant of ‘FAKERS! FAKERS! FAKERS!’ that the whole team joins in with, and even some of the audience.
Ok ok, I think it’s time for another commercial break...right about now!
“Do you wish to be a nice guy? Want more friends and for people to feel safe around you? Then why not become a babyface softie lovable goo-goo just like your Idol...Bobby Barratt!”
“So as you can see, you too can be just as silly and non-threatening as this 5 foot nothing huggable piece of marshmallow. Be like Bobby Barratt today, and be the best babyface ever. Totally not heel!”
We cut back to Family Feud...but chaos has erupted in the studio. Both sides are shouting and yelling across at each other, with Steve Harvey in the middle trying to calm things down.
….guys! Guys! Girls! Calm it down, c’mon y’all I don't get paid enough for this shi- oh we’re back! Welcome back to Family Feud! Filmed LIVE in front of an audience...now, let's continue…
But it's no use, for both teams have erupted fully now, with the ladies of F.E.M. tossing items across at the other side, the team of phonies. The fake Shogun cowers in fear, while the hillbilly fake Kira just laughs and says crap. Synn tosses a beer coaster, don’t know where he got it from, across the room and it hits Dylan Black right into the face...er, fake Dylan Black. These guys are definitely not the real deal. Black erupts, screaming insults back and tossing beer coasters of his own. I don’t know where all these beer coasters are coming from, don’t ask me I’m just telling you what I see, it's not like I'm making this shit up as I go along...
Guys! Girls! Guys! Girls...oh forget it, see you next time y’all!
Giving up on settling the peace, Steve Harvey resigns to the back and leaves the bickering children alone. Crow is perched on the end of his table, sipping a hipflask and laughing. Anomaly is shouting at his guys, trying to calm them down but it's no good. Shogun Tron is actually crying now, as Kasia-X is insulting him. Katie Boom-Boom leaps over the table and runs for Bobby Barratt...but she doesn't attack him, instead jumping onto him and locking lips. They roll on the floor, frantically making out like teens.
Katie! What the heck girl!
Bodhi shouts after her teammate, but it's futile. Synn, deciding to just quit walks to the back, chasing down Steve Harvey for some of that good backstage chronic. With all the madness going on, StormCrow slips behind the makeshift wall behind him and out of sight of the cameras. An audible ‘aaahhhh’ can be heard, and liquids appear on the floor.
StormCrow! Are you taking a piss behind the barricade? What the hell man!
With the madness escalating by the second, Anomaly decides it's time to act, and runs across the set passing The Brotherhood’s table and over the the left hand side area. Where there is normally a car or large prize up for grabs is now the AXW World Heavyweight Championship on a pedestal, rotating. He grabs it from the pedestal, shouts something ignorant back to Crow and splits. Crow screams after him…
Anomaly you dick wad! Bring me back my belt! You son of a...c’mon c’mon here, it’s so hard to stop going once you start...Anomaly you penis merchant! I’ll get that back, just you wait!
With Anomaly running away and taking the belt, it's just StormCrow taking a leak behind the wall, Synn vacated along with Steve Harvey, and only Bodhi and Kasia-X left standing on the Brotherhood table. Across the way Kira is consoling a very upset Shogun-Tron, while Dylan Black rubs his big nose and Katie Boom-Boom makes out with fake Bobby Barratt...yeah, it's been a riot writing this!
The camera man tries to get all the action in, but is unable to. Bodhi spots the camera and walks right up to it.
Yo yo yo folks at home! You guys pumped for Supremacy? Good! Because one thing your gonna see is this...F.E.M. are gonna smash some butt! Asian butt! Crow and Synn are gonna win tag titles, and Bobby Blueballs is going to be crying in his room all night long! You heard it here first, this side of the room is the team to watch for! We are the future! Kasia-X, show them what you mean…
The camera pans back, to show Crow re emerging from behind the wall, his penis still on show as he struggles to put it back in his jeans. Kazia-X stares at him and it, but he nods at her to motion the camera. Confused of what Bodhi is asking, she assumes Bodhi is asking for her goods, so Kazia-X flashes her tits. It is finally at this point that the producer decided to formally cut the footage, and resorts to one last commercial break…
A trailer plays for an upcoming show...“A Guide to Better Living”, by Mongo the Destroyer. Coming soon to Netflix.
