Making the Rounds
Jan 25, 2018 21:41:41 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001) like this
Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jan 25, 2018 21:41:41 GMT -5
**Fade in. Daytime. Outdoors. Local Strip Mall.**
*We open on Curtis Kanyon standing with giant scissors in front of a ribbon across the doors at a new Blockbuster store. You shittin’ me, for real?*
Curtis: Thank you for letting me be here! Let's hope this isn't an abysmal failure of a return to business! The XHF has inspired multiple companies to rise from their ashes, and today you join them! May you thrive and resurge your once dead business! BANG!
*Curtis then cuts the ribbon. The CEO of Blockbuster claps, and the camera pulls out to reveal five other people there, who also clap.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is sitting on his porch swing at Casa de Kanyon, looking out at the night sky.*
Curtis: you know, this road is a hard one, but I would not trade it in for anything. I was out of the wrestling game for almost 5 years. To be not just back, but back and on top of the mountain is quiet an honor. Everyone and their bear coming after me reminds me of the old times. The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess. But, I am glad the XHF Federation is back, and to see the level of competition in each of these feds is amazing. The possibilities are endless. The battles are endless. It's a great time to be alive!
**Fade out.
Fade in. Time’s Square. TRL.**
*Curtis is seen on the set of the revamped TRL with hosts Erik something-er-other and Lawrence-other-guy. He’s got two of the belts on his shoulders and Paul is nearby with the wheelbarrow.*
Lawrence: We have the X*Crown Champion here, and husband to the creator of Salsa Atomica, who's got a big title defense this coming weekend at Supremacy. And we'd love for you to introduce the next song dawg, but first, got to ask what is it like fighting a bear?
Curtis: Man, all the kids ask about is that damn bear. Sure it's a bear, but he still puts on his wrestling tights one leg at a time.
Erik: How does a bear put on wrestling tights?
Curtis: He just does.
Erik: I guess it doesn’t matter since all that stuff is fake anyway, right?
Curtis: FAKE!? You think this is fake! I'll show you what you supposedly think is fake!
*Curtis charges and hits Erik with the BANG! The audience gasps in horror and Lawrence is freaking out.*
Lawrence: Cut the feed man, cut the fee--
**Cut
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is still on the porch, looking out at the starry night.*
Curtis: Initially I just wanted to come back in honor of my brother, to reconnect with the profession that brought us together. I didn't plan to be the best damn wrestler in the company. But I can't help it. Kanyons are just excellence personified. I may not be a mat technician and purest like my bro. I've always been more willing to get my hands dirty, and I've never been afraid of a little blood, so that's why this Throne of Blood match is right up my alley. Mongo could throw ten guys at me, he can put twenty guys at me, it doesn’t matter. I'm still going to fight my way through and prove that I belong on that damn throne. As stupid as it may sound, I beat the unbeatable pig to win this crown. And at the same time I beat “Mr. XHF” the hardcore master, as well as arguably the best in-ring performer in XHF history in the same damn match. So if you don't mind me I definitely have the rights to say that I'm the best all around, because I bested those three in one night. When two guys and animal can't beat me then you send seven guys, two girls, and animal to try to beat me. But that's okay, I relish the challenge, Thor would not put me here if he wasn't so sure of my abilities to conquer such a challenge.
**Fade out.
Fade in. New York. Larry King’s House.**
*Curtis is on the Larry King Show! Yes he still has a show, it's on the internet. Yes he knows how to use the internet. I don't get it either. But Curtis is there.*
Larry: Now Curtis, you've got this big match coming up, but I must ask, what makes you tick? I'm here for the hard questions, so what is it that keeps you going?
Curtis: Well, my family of course. I know I mentioned my brother a lot and he was a big influence on me, he did save me when I crazy, I also saved him when he went crazy. He also gave me purpose after I was fed up being the governor of Puerto Rico. Aside from him, my wife is just amazing and I want to give her everything. And the best way to do that is with national exposure for our endeavors, like her Salsa Atomica, delicious and available nationwide. Also, the kids. Of course you know, Pablo is a young man now, but you know, it's good. I've helped him grow and learn and been there for him the past couple years. Then little Pepito, who's too young to remember me in the ring back in the NCW days. So it's good that I can show him, you know, seeing me out there, being a superhero. Even if right now he's more fascinated by the bear that wears gold.
Larry: But now, and I know you know the movement about women's equality and this and that, but are you sure that it's okay for women to be fighting with the men?
Curtis: Now Larry, Larry please, Larry, Larry, you gotta understand Larry.
Larry: That joke is way too old for Kira and Dylan.
Curtis: Listen up Larry, the world has finally caught up with our forward-thinking. The XHF has had inter-gender matches since the beginning. We did it before it was cool. So I have no problem smacking these ladies around.
Larry: What do you plan to do now with the opponents that are set before you at Supremacy?
Curtis: My initial game plan was to just beat the piss out of everyone, even the women and the bear. That is still the plan for most of them, however for some reason “Price” has decided to fall in line with the teachings of Loki, Thor's greatest nemesis. I could respect him for that, but all that respect goes out the window when he did what he did to my brother's grave and for stealing my property. Therefore, he has earned himself the right to the greatest of beatings. I mean seriously, he’s not even the real Price. Sure, he tells everyone he's that gangster, but, come on. Loki may change his face, but he doesn’t re-incarnate. And for what “Price” has done? He belongs in the deepest, darkest circle of hel. That’s with one “L”. So it is apparent that it is my job to send him there. I will destroy him. I will smash his face in. I will break him into pieces and let the gods sort him out. Then we'll see if he reincarnate as some other, even uglier douchebag.
Larry: Wow, that is descriptive, but a lot more sane of a reaction than I was expecting from someone like you.
Curtis: Someone like me? What are you trying to say Larry? Are you trying to say I should be crazy right now? I was crazy, I ain’t crazy no more!
*Curtis pushes his mic off the table and Larry jumps back in his chair.*
Larry: Um, I think we should go, let’s cut, we will be back shortly. Please cal—
*Curtis keeps throwing things around as the scene fades.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*We fade back to Curtis sitting at his home.*
Curtis: Yeah a few of these guys have really gotten under my skin, a few I think are in hiding. I mean Damien Young, Artsi Zumo, and some other guy I don’t even know. They’re too scared to even have my name leave there lips. What I do know is that this is that in this type of match, I will need eyes in the back of my head. Even for the quiet ones. To be fighting all these people-- not just people, all of these beings! A bear, two women, a phony pretending to be reincarnated, a phony pretending to be a god, and a couple others. A match with all these freaks! This match is pretty much the summation of XHF Network. How insane must the world think of us? And who better to run the asylum then a former inmate, Curtis D Kanyon.
**Fade out.
Fade in. The streets of New York. Youtube Screen.**
*Curtis is seen on a YouTube video, wearing a Salsa Atomica shirt. The camera pans to see that stupid idiot Logan Paul.*
Logan: Hello YouTubers and welcome back to my YouTube resurgence! Where my first video back is with the XHF X*Crown cha—
*And before he can finish, Curtis delivers the BANG! The video ends and the video suggest we watch "Culture What Wrestlefest's List of Top 12 BANG!s".*
**Cut.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is now laying on a sleeping bag in the grass.*
Curtis: I've been called many things, I've hurt many people. My reign of terror does not end here. Much like Queen Cersei, I am only rising to the top! All though, you know, without the incest or the shaming or whatever else. I mean we all know she's going to win right? Sure we have to wait two years to see it, but I mean, that's what the show does. It gets all your hopes up and then it murders a Stark. Well that's what's happening here. Mongo has gotten all of the fed's hopes up and now I have to be the bad guy. I have to swoop in and murder a Price, and destroy everyone's hopes. When I'm done and sitting on that throne, the devastation and destruction will make all the fans feel worse than the Red Wedding. But what can I say, you can't blame me I'm just doing my job. Blame Mongo for the way that each and every one of you will feel after this match is over.
**Fade out.
Fade in. Los Angeles. The set of Conan.**
*We open on Conan O'Brien sitting on his desk, and Andy Richter sitting on the couch. Conan taps his blue cards on the desk.*
Conan: Let me introduce my next guest, the X*Crown Champion of XHF, Curtis D Kanyon!
*The band plays and Curtis emerges from the curtain, and walks over. He shakes Conan’s hand, and then Andy’s hand, and then sits on the couch.*
Conan: Glad to have you here Curtis, you really been making the rounds for Supremacy, eh?
Curtis: Yes, of course it's a big event! I'm the big man on campus, got to do what I got to do to promote and portray the network. And been staying fueled with my wonderful wife’s Salsa Atomica chip dip!
Conan: Ha ha, fascinating! What is it like to have to wrestle in front of such big crowds?
Curtis: It’s great. It is so awesome to be able to perform for so many people! That's kind of why I wasn't too fond of AWF, since they're always in a baseball field in front of a bunch of loser northern Hicks.
Crowd: Oooh!
Andy: That's not nice! I'm from the Midwest and that's fighting words where I come from, haha—
*Before he can finish his fake laugh, Curtis smacks him down with a haymaker to the face! Conan stands up.*
Conan: Holy crap! What the hell! He was making a small joke!
Curtis: I ain't no joke! You people will respect me!
*Conan walks around his desk.*
Conan: I demand you get out of here you crazy bastard!
*Curtis's eyes light up and he darts out of the hot seat and hits Conan with the BANG! and both men go crashing to the floor where Conan does his monologue! Andy gets up holding his cheek and starts to rush over, when Curtis turns around and BANG!s him too! Send them both crashing through that glass coffee table. Curtis gets up bleeding from the face and arm.*
Curtis: I'm the X*Crown champion! I'm betta than everyone! I'm proving that on Sunday! Y'all can't stop me!
*Security guards come rushing to the stage as the scene fades out.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Back under the night sky, Curtis still laying on a sleeping bag. His family, and Paul, lay nearby. And as they look up, a shooting star flies by the skies.*
Curtis: Man, I have been busy lately! But it's okay. I can handle it. I think I've been handling it pretty well actually. And it's nights like tonight where I can just sit back and relax with the family. Just looking up at a nice meteor shower and just feel at peace.
*More shooting stars slowly appear in the night sky and Pepito Kanyon points up.*
Pepito: Wow!
Pablo: Yeah little bro, isn't that cool?
Curtis: I wouldn't trade these nights for anything, I provide for me and mines. And as long as I am X*Crown Champion, the network is all mines and I will keep providing for all of you. I am the god-killer, the bear slayer, the women's revolution stop gap, the ender of legends, and the roadblock for the young'ins! Everybody in XHF can be whatever they want to be other than the King on the throne, because that spot is reserved for Curtis Kanyon! None betta!
**Fade Out.**
*We open on Curtis Kanyon standing with giant scissors in front of a ribbon across the doors at a new Blockbuster store. You shittin’ me, for real?*
Curtis: Thank you for letting me be here! Let's hope this isn't an abysmal failure of a return to business! The XHF has inspired multiple companies to rise from their ashes, and today you join them! May you thrive and resurge your once dead business! BANG!
*Curtis then cuts the ribbon. The CEO of Blockbuster claps, and the camera pulls out to reveal five other people there, who also clap.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is sitting on his porch swing at Casa de Kanyon, looking out at the night sky.*
Curtis: you know, this road is a hard one, but I would not trade it in for anything. I was out of the wrestling game for almost 5 years. To be not just back, but back and on top of the mountain is quiet an honor. Everyone and their bear coming after me reminds me of the old times. The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess. But, I am glad the XHF Federation is back, and to see the level of competition in each of these feds is amazing. The possibilities are endless. The battles are endless. It's a great time to be alive!
**Fade out.
Fade in. Time’s Square. TRL.**
*Curtis is seen on the set of the revamped TRL with hosts Erik something-er-other and Lawrence-other-guy. He’s got two of the belts on his shoulders and Paul is nearby with the wheelbarrow.*
Lawrence: We have the X*Crown Champion here, and husband to the creator of Salsa Atomica, who's got a big title defense this coming weekend at Supremacy. And we'd love for you to introduce the next song dawg, but first, got to ask what is it like fighting a bear?
Curtis: Man, all the kids ask about is that damn bear. Sure it's a bear, but he still puts on his wrestling tights one leg at a time.
Erik: How does a bear put on wrestling tights?
Curtis: He just does.
Erik: I guess it doesn’t matter since all that stuff is fake anyway, right?
Curtis: FAKE!? You think this is fake! I'll show you what you supposedly think is fake!
*Curtis charges and hits Erik with the BANG! The audience gasps in horror and Lawrence is freaking out.*
Lawrence: Cut the feed man, cut the fee--
**Cut
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is still on the porch, looking out at the starry night.*
Curtis: Initially I just wanted to come back in honor of my brother, to reconnect with the profession that brought us together. I didn't plan to be the best damn wrestler in the company. But I can't help it. Kanyons are just excellence personified. I may not be a mat technician and purest like my bro. I've always been more willing to get my hands dirty, and I've never been afraid of a little blood, so that's why this Throne of Blood match is right up my alley. Mongo could throw ten guys at me, he can put twenty guys at me, it doesn’t matter. I'm still going to fight my way through and prove that I belong on that damn throne. As stupid as it may sound, I beat the unbeatable pig to win this crown. And at the same time I beat “Mr. XHF” the hardcore master, as well as arguably the best in-ring performer in XHF history in the same damn match. So if you don't mind me I definitely have the rights to say that I'm the best all around, because I bested those three in one night. When two guys and animal can't beat me then you send seven guys, two girls, and animal to try to beat me. But that's okay, I relish the challenge, Thor would not put me here if he wasn't so sure of my abilities to conquer such a challenge.
**Fade out.
Fade in. New York. Larry King’s House.**
*Curtis is on the Larry King Show! Yes he still has a show, it's on the internet. Yes he knows how to use the internet. I don't get it either. But Curtis is there.*
Larry: Now Curtis, you've got this big match coming up, but I must ask, what makes you tick? I'm here for the hard questions, so what is it that keeps you going?
Curtis: Well, my family of course. I know I mentioned my brother a lot and he was a big influence on me, he did save me when I crazy, I also saved him when he went crazy. He also gave me purpose after I was fed up being the governor of Puerto Rico. Aside from him, my wife is just amazing and I want to give her everything. And the best way to do that is with national exposure for our endeavors, like her Salsa Atomica, delicious and available nationwide. Also, the kids. Of course you know, Pablo is a young man now, but you know, it's good. I've helped him grow and learn and been there for him the past couple years. Then little Pepito, who's too young to remember me in the ring back in the NCW days. So it's good that I can show him, you know, seeing me out there, being a superhero. Even if right now he's more fascinated by the bear that wears gold.
Larry: But now, and I know you know the movement about women's equality and this and that, but are you sure that it's okay for women to be fighting with the men?
Curtis: Now Larry, Larry please, Larry, Larry, you gotta understand Larry.
Larry: That joke is way too old for Kira and Dylan.
Curtis: Listen up Larry, the world has finally caught up with our forward-thinking. The XHF has had inter-gender matches since the beginning. We did it before it was cool. So I have no problem smacking these ladies around.
Larry: What do you plan to do now with the opponents that are set before you at Supremacy?
Curtis: My initial game plan was to just beat the piss out of everyone, even the women and the bear. That is still the plan for most of them, however for some reason “Price” has decided to fall in line with the teachings of Loki, Thor's greatest nemesis. I could respect him for that, but all that respect goes out the window when he did what he did to my brother's grave and for stealing my property. Therefore, he has earned himself the right to the greatest of beatings. I mean seriously, he’s not even the real Price. Sure, he tells everyone he's that gangster, but, come on. Loki may change his face, but he doesn’t re-incarnate. And for what “Price” has done? He belongs in the deepest, darkest circle of hel. That’s with one “L”. So it is apparent that it is my job to send him there. I will destroy him. I will smash his face in. I will break him into pieces and let the gods sort him out. Then we'll see if he reincarnate as some other, even uglier douchebag.
Larry: Wow, that is descriptive, but a lot more sane of a reaction than I was expecting from someone like you.
Curtis: Someone like me? What are you trying to say Larry? Are you trying to say I should be crazy right now? I was crazy, I ain’t crazy no more!
*Curtis pushes his mic off the table and Larry jumps back in his chair.*
Larry: Um, I think we should go, let’s cut, we will be back shortly. Please cal—
*Curtis keeps throwing things around as the scene fades.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*We fade back to Curtis sitting at his home.*
Curtis: Yeah a few of these guys have really gotten under my skin, a few I think are in hiding. I mean Damien Young, Artsi Zumo, and some other guy I don’t even know. They’re too scared to even have my name leave there lips. What I do know is that this is that in this type of match, I will need eyes in the back of my head. Even for the quiet ones. To be fighting all these people-- not just people, all of these beings! A bear, two women, a phony pretending to be reincarnated, a phony pretending to be a god, and a couple others. A match with all these freaks! This match is pretty much the summation of XHF Network. How insane must the world think of us? And who better to run the asylum then a former inmate, Curtis D Kanyon.
**Fade out.
Fade in. The streets of New York. Youtube Screen.**
*Curtis is seen on a YouTube video, wearing a Salsa Atomica shirt. The camera pans to see that stupid idiot Logan Paul.*
Logan: Hello YouTubers and welcome back to my YouTube resurgence! Where my first video back is with the XHF X*Crown cha—
*And before he can finish, Curtis delivers the BANG! The video ends and the video suggest we watch "Culture What Wrestlefest's List of Top 12 BANG!s".*
**Cut.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Curtis is now laying on a sleeping bag in the grass.*
Curtis: I've been called many things, I've hurt many people. My reign of terror does not end here. Much like Queen Cersei, I am only rising to the top! All though, you know, without the incest or the shaming or whatever else. I mean we all know she's going to win right? Sure we have to wait two years to see it, but I mean, that's what the show does. It gets all your hopes up and then it murders a Stark. Well that's what's happening here. Mongo has gotten all of the fed's hopes up and now I have to be the bad guy. I have to swoop in and murder a Price, and destroy everyone's hopes. When I'm done and sitting on that throne, the devastation and destruction will make all the fans feel worse than the Red Wedding. But what can I say, you can't blame me I'm just doing my job. Blame Mongo for the way that each and every one of you will feel after this match is over.
**Fade out.
Fade in. Los Angeles. The set of Conan.**
*We open on Conan O'Brien sitting on his desk, and Andy Richter sitting on the couch. Conan taps his blue cards on the desk.*
Conan: Let me introduce my next guest, the X*Crown Champion of XHF, Curtis D Kanyon!
*The band plays and Curtis emerges from the curtain, and walks over. He shakes Conan’s hand, and then Andy’s hand, and then sits on the couch.*
Conan: Glad to have you here Curtis, you really been making the rounds for Supremacy, eh?
Curtis: Yes, of course it's a big event! I'm the big man on campus, got to do what I got to do to promote and portray the network. And been staying fueled with my wonderful wife’s Salsa Atomica chip dip!
Conan: Ha ha, fascinating! What is it like to have to wrestle in front of such big crowds?
Curtis: It’s great. It is so awesome to be able to perform for so many people! That's kind of why I wasn't too fond of AWF, since they're always in a baseball field in front of a bunch of loser northern Hicks.
Crowd: Oooh!
Andy: That's not nice! I'm from the Midwest and that's fighting words where I come from, haha—
*Before he can finish his fake laugh, Curtis smacks him down with a haymaker to the face! Conan stands up.*
Conan: Holy crap! What the hell! He was making a small joke!
Curtis: I ain't no joke! You people will respect me!
*Conan walks around his desk.*
Conan: I demand you get out of here you crazy bastard!
*Curtis's eyes light up and he darts out of the hot seat and hits Conan with the BANG! and both men go crashing to the floor where Conan does his monologue! Andy gets up holding his cheek and starts to rush over, when Curtis turns around and BANG!s him too! Send them both crashing through that glass coffee table. Curtis gets up bleeding from the face and arm.*
Curtis: I'm the X*Crown champion! I'm betta than everyone! I'm proving that on Sunday! Y'all can't stop me!
*Security guards come rushing to the stage as the scene fades out.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Casa de Kanyon 1.0. Porch. Nightfall.**
*Back under the night sky, Curtis still laying on a sleeping bag. His family, and Paul, lay nearby. And as they look up, a shooting star flies by the skies.*
Curtis: Man, I have been busy lately! But it's okay. I can handle it. I think I've been handling it pretty well actually. And it's nights like tonight where I can just sit back and relax with the family. Just looking up at a nice meteor shower and just feel at peace.
*More shooting stars slowly appear in the night sky and Pepito Kanyon points up.*
Pepito: Wow!
Pablo: Yeah little bro, isn't that cool?
Curtis: I wouldn't trade these nights for anything, I provide for me and mines. And as long as I am X*Crown Champion, the network is all mines and I will keep providing for all of you. I am the god-killer, the bear slayer, the women's revolution stop gap, the ender of legends, and the roadblock for the young'ins! Everybody in XHF can be whatever they want to be other than the King on the throne, because that spot is reserved for Curtis Kanyon! None betta!
**Fade Out.**
