Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jan 27, 2018 15:55:13 GMT -5
**Fade in. Mall of America.**
*
"It's Tricky" by Run DMC plays as Curtis, Esmerelda, Pablo, Pepito, Paul Smackage with the Wheelbarrow, and Ron Gibson are walking down the middle of Killebrew Dr. Reservoir Dogs style. Then, we cut to them insoce the mall, Curtis smacks a phone case out of the hand of a dude at a kiosk, trying to sell them. Then we cut to the kids and Curtis riding the Nickelodeon Ninja Turtles ride. Then we cut to Curtis and Ron pushing over a LEGO Hulk statue in the LEGO store as Esmerelda is buying things. THen we cut to Curtis looking bright eyed at the fish in the Minnesota Aquarium. We then cut to himm trying to sell the ticket booth some B.A.N.G. Fish Attractant Spray. We then cut to Ron smashing a display case inside the Hard Rock Cafe as the family is eating. He grabs an Elvis jacket and runs like hell. Then we cut to the family trying on "I <3 Minnesota" shirts in the Minnesot-ah! store. Then we cut to the Build-A-Bear workshop where all the kids are making Goldbears. Curtis pats Pepito on the head, then he turns and starts taking Goldbears out of the other kids hands and ripping them up before throwing them on the ground. Paul stomps on the stuffing. We then cut to Curtis relaxing drinking at the Buna Coffee shop. The music fades and we cut to Curtis standing in the middle of the mall, with Paul by his side. Ron is still running from security in the background.*
Curtis: That's right! We are here in Minnesota, we're ready for Supremacy, and we're taking over! That's right! I'm sorry, I can't help it, it's just we're so close to the match and I just-- I just got in a frame of mind! I'm just ready to pounce! I'm ready to punch! I'm ready for all of it! I had appearances all over the mall of Minnesota to promote the big show coming up in just a little bit. I think they're ready. The kids at the Build-A-Bear were ready! The people at the fishing place were ready, although they didn't want to catch the fish. Even the dweebs at the LEGO store we're ready! But let me tell you something, the Throne match is ready for Curtis D. Kanyon, the Destroyer of Worlds! The Immitator of Violence! The Real F'n Deal! I will reign supreme as your sovereign! I represent the X*Crown, so I guess I'm already your sovereign, but at least now I'll have a crown to go with the X*Crown. You know what this makes a hell of a lot of sense, why didn't we do this earlier? Anyway, Paul, throw me two titles!
*Paul throws two belts at Curtis. He holds them to the camera.*
Curtis: I represent not just the XHF! I represent the memory of the RWF and the BDDWF!
*Curtis throws those titles back at Paul.*
Curtis: Throw me two more titles Paul!
*Paul obliges with one. Before he throws the other...*
Curtis: EW! Not the CWA title! That's the grossest piece of shit! Put that back! Put that in the very bottom of the barrow! Give me two different titles dammit!
*Curtis tosses it back at Paul and then Paul gives him two more belts.*
Curtis: I represent the PCW and EPW. I could go on, but you get the drift!
*Curtis tosses them back to Paul.*
Curtis: I don't need to prove shit to no contender. I'm the man to beat! I'm the guy with no loses in TGK. I'm the guy who dethroned an undefeated champion! And since I'm on that topic, spoiler alert, that pig was a lazy piece of shit, and Slain did all the work! It makes me sad he gets none of the credit for Thob's success. All those Borgs are crap, except for Gold Bog, he makes a mean steak.
Esmeralda: He made a delicious steak for me as well.
*Curtis looks annoyed.*
Curtis: Anyway, with all my appearances hyping this event, I am just so ready to fight! The animosity, the anxiety, the wanton destruction that will occur! It's going to be Fan-Tastic! and I can't wait for people to see the art that I make when I decorate the canvas with broken bodies, blood, and matted up fur. It will be a cornucopia of violence.
*Curtis pats Pepito on the head as he continues to play with his Build-A-Goldbear, not paying attention.*
Curtis: You're going to be proud little buddy! As we watched that meteor show the other day, I realized truly why I do what I do. I tried to call NASA to get the name of the shower so we could remember it forever as a family moment, but theye were shut down thanks to the government. But now that the appearances are over, now that I've had time to relax with the fam bam, now it is time to focus up and beat the shit out of people. Supremacy is so close I can taste it. That crown will adorn my head and all of you will kneel before the mighty Kanyon, servant of the Mighty Thor, son of the mighty Odin. I heard somewhere that the mighty don't kneel, which is why when all is said and done and the dust settles and the blood stops flowing, everyone else will be kneeling to me.
*Curtis takes a deep breath and re-centers his chi. Or maybe he was just talking to fast. Not sure.*
Curtis: I've said a lot these past two weeks, so let me TL;DR it for ya! I will get as close as legally possible to killing that phony Price. I've got one guy who is too busy fighting crime to say shit. One guy I already owned in TGK so he's too scared to talk. One girl is too shy to speak to me. The other shut her trap when I threatened to make her long for the days of the Irish Civil War. The gay dude is going to be more abused by me than his boyfriend. I will put the token black guy's hardcore capabilities to shame. The British guy is trying to be the sophisticated psycho, but sophisticated psychos don't take risks like me! The false idol who tried to rip off my crazy will be sundered! And...Pepito ear muffs!
*Pepito puts his hands over his ears.*
Curtis: GOLDBEAR IS JUST A FUCKING BEAR!
*Curtis gives Pepito the signal to lower the ear muffs and he goes back to playing with his Build-A-Goldbear.*
Curtis: All ten of you bastards will feel... the... BANG! All this yelling has made me hungry, let's go over to the Chili's.
**Fade out.**
*
"It's Tricky" by Run DMC plays as Curtis, Esmerelda, Pablo, Pepito, Paul Smackage with the Wheelbarrow, and Ron Gibson are walking down the middle of Killebrew Dr. Reservoir Dogs style. Then, we cut to them insoce the mall, Curtis smacks a phone case out of the hand of a dude at a kiosk, trying to sell them. Then we cut to the kids and Curtis riding the Nickelodeon Ninja Turtles ride. Then we cut to Curtis and Ron pushing over a LEGO Hulk statue in the LEGO store as Esmerelda is buying things. THen we cut to Curtis looking bright eyed at the fish in the Minnesota Aquarium. We then cut to himm trying to sell the ticket booth some B.A.N.G. Fish Attractant Spray. We then cut to Ron smashing a display case inside the Hard Rock Cafe as the family is eating. He grabs an Elvis jacket and runs like hell. Then we cut to the family trying on "I <3 Minnesota" shirts in the Minnesot-ah! store. Then we cut to the Build-A-Bear workshop where all the kids are making Goldbears. Curtis pats Pepito on the head, then he turns and starts taking Goldbears out of the other kids hands and ripping them up before throwing them on the ground. Paul stomps on the stuffing. We then cut to Curtis relaxing drinking at the Buna Coffee shop. The music fades and we cut to Curtis standing in the middle of the mall, with Paul by his side. Ron is still running from security in the background.*
Curtis: That's right! We are here in Minnesota, we're ready for Supremacy, and we're taking over! That's right! I'm sorry, I can't help it, it's just we're so close to the match and I just-- I just got in a frame of mind! I'm just ready to pounce! I'm ready to punch! I'm ready for all of it! I had appearances all over the mall of Minnesota to promote the big show coming up in just a little bit. I think they're ready. The kids at the Build-A-Bear were ready! The people at the fishing place were ready, although they didn't want to catch the fish. Even the dweebs at the LEGO store we're ready! But let me tell you something, the Throne match is ready for Curtis D. Kanyon, the Destroyer of Worlds! The Immitator of Violence! The Real F'n Deal! I will reign supreme as your sovereign! I represent the X*Crown, so I guess I'm already your sovereign, but at least now I'll have a crown to go with the X*Crown. You know what this makes a hell of a lot of sense, why didn't we do this earlier? Anyway, Paul, throw me two titles!
*Paul throws two belts at Curtis. He holds them to the camera.*
Curtis: I represent not just the XHF! I represent the memory of the RWF and the BDDWF!
*Curtis throws those titles back at Paul.*
Curtis: Throw me two more titles Paul!
*Paul obliges with one. Before he throws the other...*
Curtis: EW! Not the CWA title! That's the grossest piece of shit! Put that back! Put that in the very bottom of the barrow! Give me two different titles dammit!
*Curtis tosses it back at Paul and then Paul gives him two more belts.*
Curtis: I represent the PCW and EPW. I could go on, but you get the drift!
*Curtis tosses them back to Paul.*
Curtis: I don't need to prove shit to no contender. I'm the man to beat! I'm the guy with no loses in TGK. I'm the guy who dethroned an undefeated champion! And since I'm on that topic, spoiler alert, that pig was a lazy piece of shit, and Slain did all the work! It makes me sad he gets none of the credit for Thob's success. All those Borgs are crap, except for Gold Bog, he makes a mean steak.
Esmeralda: He made a delicious steak for me as well.
*Curtis looks annoyed.*
Curtis: Anyway, with all my appearances hyping this event, I am just so ready to fight! The animosity, the anxiety, the wanton destruction that will occur! It's going to be Fan-Tastic! and I can't wait for people to see the art that I make when I decorate the canvas with broken bodies, blood, and matted up fur. It will be a cornucopia of violence.
*Curtis pats Pepito on the head as he continues to play with his Build-A-Goldbear, not paying attention.*
Curtis: You're going to be proud little buddy! As we watched that meteor show the other day, I realized truly why I do what I do. I tried to call NASA to get the name of the shower so we could remember it forever as a family moment, but theye were shut down thanks to the government. But now that the appearances are over, now that I've had time to relax with the fam bam, now it is time to focus up and beat the shit out of people. Supremacy is so close I can taste it. That crown will adorn my head and all of you will kneel before the mighty Kanyon, servant of the Mighty Thor, son of the mighty Odin. I heard somewhere that the mighty don't kneel, which is why when all is said and done and the dust settles and the blood stops flowing, everyone else will be kneeling to me.
*Curtis takes a deep breath and re-centers his chi. Or maybe he was just talking to fast. Not sure.*
Curtis: I've said a lot these past two weeks, so let me TL;DR it for ya! I will get as close as legally possible to killing that phony Price. I've got one guy who is too busy fighting crime to say shit. One guy I already owned in TGK so he's too scared to talk. One girl is too shy to speak to me. The other shut her trap when I threatened to make her long for the days of the Irish Civil War. The gay dude is going to be more abused by me than his boyfriend. I will put the token black guy's hardcore capabilities to shame. The British guy is trying to be the sophisticated psycho, but sophisticated psychos don't take risks like me! The false idol who tried to rip off my crazy will be sundered! And...Pepito ear muffs!
*Pepito puts his hands over his ears.*
Curtis: GOLDBEAR IS JUST A FUCKING BEAR!
*Curtis gives Pepito the signal to lower the ear muffs and he goes back to playing with his Build-A-Goldbear.*
Curtis: All ten of you bastards will feel... the... BANG! All this yelling has made me hungry, let's go over to the Chili's.
**Fade out.**
