Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Mar 6, 2018 21:53:58 GMT -5
**Flashback. The Atlantic Ocean. 40,000 Ft. Altitude. Air Force One.**
*Moments after the 2/19 episode of AXW, we see Curtis Kanyon sitting in an airplane sweat with an ice pack on the back of his neck. Esmeralda is next to him as people around him are wearing nice suits and on phones. Paul Smackage is sitting around as well. That secret service guy that took the bullet for Curtis is standing in the isle, with his arm in a sling. You’ll find out later his name is Jim*
Curtis: Well…that did not go as planned.
Jim: I must admit it is weird seeing the man I'm supposed to protect get beat up in a wrestling ring, but I guess I don’t have to worry about that until after you're officially sworn in once we get into US airspace.
*Paul, Esmerelda, and Curtis still look very confused as to what all is happening. Curtis seems to have gained his composure enough to start asking some questions.*
Curtis: So yeah, I know you told me I was the President Mr. Uhh…
Jim: Call me Jim.
*Told ya!*
Curtis: …Jim, but what do you mean? Surely you don’t mean I’m the president of the United States?
Jim: Yes, that's exactly what we mean, and don’t call me Shirley.
Curtis: Ha, Airplane reference. So you're telling me that I am the 46th president of the United States?
Jim: No, actually you're the 53rd. It has been a few weeks since the passing of 45 in Seattle.
Esmerelda: I'm guessing Pence was with Russia?
Jim: No, turns out he was a robot. But it does turn out that Ryan was with Russia, so after they were both sworn in they were both quickly sworn out. Once Ryan fell, it turned out Russia was connected to a lot of senators and representatives and cabinet members on both sides. Turns out that Russia had a lot to do with everything. We tried a few others along the way, but they didn’t work out for a few reasons as well, ties to North Korea, fake IDs, etc. Background checks take awhile, and we’ve been in a hurry. We finally had to go all the way down to the governor of Puerto Rico to be our next President, but it turns out he was owned by drug lords, so we had to go to the previous governor of Puerto Rico, which happens to be none other than you.
Curtis: So we basically have to re-establish the entire government? Well, I kind of figured we were headed that way anyway, so Reo really sped up the process huh?
Esmerelda: So does that mean that I’m the first lady?
Jim: That’s exactly what this means.
Esmerelda: Wow! That's almost as big of an honor as being Miss Golden Gun! I can't believe it, I’m going to sell so much salsa!
Jim: I’m just security, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. Also, I would think this is a little bit higher an honor than the Golden Gun thing, but those guys are awesome, so I get it.
Curtis: Well, there had to be some part of this promo that Steve will like, because I know he doesn't like the political shit. But with me as President… I mean how political can we get?
Jim: I don't know what any of that means.
Curtis: So what happens when we get back to the US?
Jim: Well, we'll officially swear you in as soon as we're in US air space, let people know, and we will set up an actual ceremony probably a week or two later. We need figure out what's going on with you, do the general background check, make sure you're not with Russia too, and you know figure out this whole who's trying to kill you business.
Esmerelda: Now that I think about it though, someone's been trying to kill him since the old President was still alive.
Jim: You know, we didn't tell anyone that you were next in line to be president Mr. Kanyon, so that makes sense that this has been gpoing on awhile. I don't think being marked for death has anything to do with you being president.
Curtis: That makes sense and should take care of any plot holes. So you’re saying I had one plot going on, and then another plot came up organically, and now I gotta solve one plot from before while starting a new plot instead of finishing line first then doing another one! I mean, only someone with true skill could do that.
Jim: New plot, old plot, what are you, in a daytime soap opera? You do understand this is serious? You are the President of the United States!
Curtis: Okay, I get it, but…can I still wrestle?
Jim: It should be fine as long as it's on the weekends. The last guy took off weekends and was usually in bed by 6:00 p.m.
Curtis: Okay, I can’t do worse, right?
*Curtis laughs nervously.*
Jim: We will do our best to try to figure out who has been trying to murder you for the past, I don't know, what, two months now?
Curtis: Maybe longer.
*Curtis looks around nervously as ominous music plays.*
**Fade out.
Two weeks later. Washington D.C. Capitol Building.**
*We see Curtis in a suit (weird right?), Esmerelda in a dress, and a bunch of people on a stage. A giant crowd stands watching, some with wrestling signs. We get a “BANG!” chant as the Chief Justice is getting things prepared. The CJ raises his hand to calm the crowd.*
Chief Justice: We are gathered here to swear in Curtis Dallas Kanyon as the 53rd President of these United States.
*The Justice grabs a Bible and holds it out.*
Chief Justice: Place your hand on the Bible.
Curtis: Um…I know this is tradition, but do you mind if I hold this in my other hand?
*Curtis pulls out a replica of Mjolnir and holds it up in the air.*
Chief Justice: I’ve had to do seven of theses in the past month, so whatever, let’s just get this over with.
Curtis: I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me Thor…I mean God...or gods…
Chief Justice: Ladies and gentlemen, your 53rd President of these United States, Curtis D. Kanyon!
*The United States Marina Band starts performing “Four Ruffles and Flourishes” Confetti shoots out of cannons.*
Curtis: Guys, this is cool and all, but I need to go. I have to be…somewhere…in a few hours. I can make Air Force One go anywhere, right?
*Jim nods.*
Curtis: Fill that bitch up, we’re going to Cincinnati… to enjoy that famous…Cincinnati …Bow …Tie …pasta? Shut up! I’m the boss now! I’ll be back to sign some orders in a few hours…
**Fade out.
Fade in. Cincinnati Music Hall. After AXW**
*Curtis is getting checked on by medics.*
Medic: I can’t believe I’m taking care of the President of United States!
Curtis: Yeah, it is cool, huh? Glad to see being president won’t stop me from messing up dudes and BANG!ing them through set pieces.
Medic: …Or will it?
Curtis: Who the hell are you to say something ominous?
**Fade out.**
*Moments after the 2/19 episode of AXW, we see Curtis Kanyon sitting in an airplane sweat with an ice pack on the back of his neck. Esmeralda is next to him as people around him are wearing nice suits and on phones. Paul Smackage is sitting around as well. That secret service guy that took the bullet for Curtis is standing in the isle, with his arm in a sling. You’ll find out later his name is Jim*
Curtis: Well…that did not go as planned.
Jim: I must admit it is weird seeing the man I'm supposed to protect get beat up in a wrestling ring, but I guess I don’t have to worry about that until after you're officially sworn in once we get into US airspace.
*Paul, Esmerelda, and Curtis still look very confused as to what all is happening. Curtis seems to have gained his composure enough to start asking some questions.*
Curtis: So yeah, I know you told me I was the President Mr. Uhh…
Jim: Call me Jim.
*Told ya!*
Curtis: …Jim, but what do you mean? Surely you don’t mean I’m the president of the United States?
Jim: Yes, that's exactly what we mean, and don’t call me Shirley.
Curtis: Ha, Airplane reference. So you're telling me that I am the 46th president of the United States?
Jim: No, actually you're the 53rd. It has been a few weeks since the passing of 45 in Seattle.
Esmerelda: I'm guessing Pence was with Russia?
Jim: No, turns out he was a robot. But it does turn out that Ryan was with Russia, so after they were both sworn in they were both quickly sworn out. Once Ryan fell, it turned out Russia was connected to a lot of senators and representatives and cabinet members on both sides. Turns out that Russia had a lot to do with everything. We tried a few others along the way, but they didn’t work out for a few reasons as well, ties to North Korea, fake IDs, etc. Background checks take awhile, and we’ve been in a hurry. We finally had to go all the way down to the governor of Puerto Rico to be our next President, but it turns out he was owned by drug lords, so we had to go to the previous governor of Puerto Rico, which happens to be none other than you.
Curtis: So we basically have to re-establish the entire government? Well, I kind of figured we were headed that way anyway, so Reo really sped up the process huh?
Esmerelda: So does that mean that I’m the first lady?
Jim: That’s exactly what this means.
Esmerelda: Wow! That's almost as big of an honor as being Miss Golden Gun! I can't believe it, I’m going to sell so much salsa!
Jim: I’m just security, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. Also, I would think this is a little bit higher an honor than the Golden Gun thing, but those guys are awesome, so I get it.
Curtis: Well, there had to be some part of this promo that Steve will like, because I know he doesn't like the political shit. But with me as President… I mean how political can we get?
Jim: I don't know what any of that means.
Curtis: So what happens when we get back to the US?
Jim: Well, we'll officially swear you in as soon as we're in US air space, let people know, and we will set up an actual ceremony probably a week or two later. We need figure out what's going on with you, do the general background check, make sure you're not with Russia too, and you know figure out this whole who's trying to kill you business.
Esmerelda: Now that I think about it though, someone's been trying to kill him since the old President was still alive.
Jim: You know, we didn't tell anyone that you were next in line to be president Mr. Kanyon, so that makes sense that this has been gpoing on awhile. I don't think being marked for death has anything to do with you being president.
Curtis: That makes sense and should take care of any plot holes. So you’re saying I had one plot going on, and then another plot came up organically, and now I gotta solve one plot from before while starting a new plot instead of finishing line first then doing another one! I mean, only someone with true skill could do that.
Jim: New plot, old plot, what are you, in a daytime soap opera? You do understand this is serious? You are the President of the United States!
Curtis: Okay, I get it, but…can I still wrestle?
Jim: It should be fine as long as it's on the weekends. The last guy took off weekends and was usually in bed by 6:00 p.m.
Curtis: Okay, I can’t do worse, right?
*Curtis laughs nervously.*
Jim: We will do our best to try to figure out who has been trying to murder you for the past, I don't know, what, two months now?
Curtis: Maybe longer.
*Curtis looks around nervously as ominous music plays.*
**Fade out.
Two weeks later. Washington D.C. Capitol Building.**
*We see Curtis in a suit (weird right?), Esmerelda in a dress, and a bunch of people on a stage. A giant crowd stands watching, some with wrestling signs. We get a “BANG!” chant as the Chief Justice is getting things prepared. The CJ raises his hand to calm the crowd.*
Chief Justice: We are gathered here to swear in Curtis Dallas Kanyon as the 53rd President of these United States.
*The Justice grabs a Bible and holds it out.*
Chief Justice: Place your hand on the Bible.
Curtis: Um…I know this is tradition, but do you mind if I hold this in my other hand?
*Curtis pulls out a replica of Mjolnir and holds it up in the air.*
Chief Justice: I’ve had to do seven of theses in the past month, so whatever, let’s just get this over with.
Curtis: I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me Thor…I mean God...or gods…
Chief Justice: Ladies and gentlemen, your 53rd President of these United States, Curtis D. Kanyon!
*The United States Marina Band starts performing “Four Ruffles and Flourishes” Confetti shoots out of cannons.*
Curtis: Guys, this is cool and all, but I need to go. I have to be…somewhere…in a few hours. I can make Air Force One go anywhere, right?
*Jim nods.*
Curtis: Fill that bitch up, we’re going to Cincinnati… to enjoy that famous…Cincinnati …Bow …Tie …pasta? Shut up! I’m the boss now! I’ll be back to sign some orders in a few hours…
**Fade out.
Fade in. Cincinnati Music Hall. After AXW**
*Curtis is getting checked on by medics.*
Medic: I can’t believe I’m taking care of the President of United States!
Curtis: Yeah, it is cool, huh? Glad to see being president won’t stop me from messing up dudes and BANG!ing them through set pieces.
Medic: …Or will it?
Curtis: Who the hell are you to say something ominous?
**Fade out.**
