Post by Jack Diamond on Apr 24, 2018 18:55:05 GMT -5
Voiceover: The following has been paid for by Aces Wild Studios, and your ICW World Champion, Jack Diamond.
[TNT’s television feed is interrupted by a black screen with a red spade on it as the voiceover is heard. Then the screen goes to static]
[After a few seconds, the static is replaced by a cherry wooden desk, and beside the desk a leather sofa. The set looks high class, with crystal drinking glasses with what appears to be water and the backdrop of the scene shows the New York City skyline. It appears to be the setup of a late night talk show, much like Letterman, Leno, or Fallon. The voiceover breaks the silence once again.]
Voiceover: Welcome to All-In Tonight, and here is your host, “The Ace of Spades” Jack Diamond!
[Motorhead’s “The Ace of Spades” plays and Jack Diamond appears on the set, dressed in one of his expensive suits and his million dollar smile. On his shoulder, the ICW World Championship belt. He paces back and forth for a moment as huge applause is heard, obviously from a soundboard as the room looks barely larger than a small office. Diamond takes his spot behind the desk, props his title up in front of the microphone, and looks into the camera.]
Jack Diamond: Thank you! Thank you! Welcome to All-In Tonight! This is the best damn talk show in the world today! Some would have you believe that you are only famous if you go on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, but let’s face it, that show is washed up and hasn’t been good since Carson hosted. The people who go on Jimmy Fallon are losers, or people who wish they were famous. If you want to be on the show of shows, well then you gotta go all in baby!
[More cheers and applause as Jack points to himself and mouths the words “Mr. ICW is RIGHT HERE” He flashes another smile before continuing.]
Jack Diamond: And boy do we have a great show tonight. Anyone would be lucky to be in the presence of the ICW Champ, Jack Diamond but I can honestly say that I am honored to have the guest here tonight. He is someone who I would consider an equal. This man is without a doubt, the best wrestler I have ever seen in a ring. I’m not even sure if I work as hard as this man to prepare for my matches. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the handsome, the smart, the best damn thing in ICW today… JACK DIAMOND!
[Diamonds music plays again, and from the opposite side of the screen, another Jack Diamond enters the scene as the audience is finally aware that they have been had and that this is the old split screen/mirror production trick. As the second Diamond, dressed in another fancy suit but no title, walks over to the sofa, he and the first Diamond exchange bows, almost reminiscent of the combatants in a karate tournament. Of course they have to do this, as it would be impossible to shake hands. As the new Diamond takes a seat, the first Diamond takes his place behind the desk again and continues.]
Jack Diamond: Welcome Jack! It is such an honor to be here, I hope you don’t mind if I kind of, how do you wrestlers put it? Mark out? I’ve always been such a huge fan!
Jack Diamond: Are you kidding me? Man, I grew up watching you! I can’t believe I am here tonight! I mean, hell, you are the ICW World Champion! Thank you for having me!
Jack Diamond: Oh you are too kind, too kind. Hey speaking of two of a kind…
Jack Diamond: Ha, yeah I think I know where you are going. When the dealer hands you two Jacks… you always split the hand!
Jack Diamond: Indeed my friend, indeed. Well again, thank you for being here tonight Jack. I know you are taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me tonight for all of our Diamond Club VIPs, but I hear you have a big match coming up this Saturday.
Jack Diamond: I do have a big match. One that, honestly, I have been looking forward to having since I arrived in ICW. That of course is against “El Cazador” Sebastian Steele!
Jack Diamond: Ah yes, the Ironman Champion. If it is one thing I know, that is championship pedigree, and this man definitely has it. Before we talk about your match at Bankrupt though, I have to ask you what you have been up to in the ICW. You see, since I am the World Champion and don’t have to defend my belt until Dead End… well, I have just been hanging out, playing cards, making money, you know, living the life. So tell me Jack, since I won my title at Gold Rush, what’s been going on?
Jack Diamond: Well, you haven’t missed much man. Jericho Kade still has his head up Bobby Barratt’s ass… wait… can I say ass here?
Jack Diamond: This is my damn show, say whatever you want!
Jack Diamond: So yeah, Kade’s head is up Barney Barratt’s ass. They run around singing “I love you, you love me, I wear purple and sit when I pee.” You know, however that song goes. Anyways, you have that going on. I get put in a match with Bobby and of course, by winning, you don’t have to defend that belt now until Dead End, you’re welcome.
Jack Diamond: Well thank you kind sir.
Jack Diamond: No problem, I got your back Diamond. So yeah, that happened, Shawn Rossdale of course comes out and kicks Barratts ass after I had the match pretty much won, no problem there, but man I think he may be as crazy as Ari Naxt. Oh, speaking of Ari, yeah he is still winless. Um, Don White is now Donnie Darko. A couple of new comers are around, one of them is really into ice fishing, the big Russian dude is setting stuff on fire including his career, and Brett Stetson is still a punk.
Jack Diamond: Oh, so business as usual in the ICW eh? Fantastic. What about what’s his name? Halifax? How is the world’s number one dad?
Jack Diamond: Well, I think after you made those remarks about him abandoning his kid, he quite possibly abandoned us. I was actually thinking about putting him on a milk carton but the milk company said they only do that for people who others care for…
Jack Diamond: Ah, I see. So I notice you have one thing missing tonight Jack, and that is a title like yours truly has. How are you planning to fix that?
Jack Diamond: Well, that brings us back to my match Saturday against Steele. He is, as you mentioned, the ICW Ironman Champion. And boy does he wear that like a badge of honor, even saying it’s better than YOUR title, because he has to defend it every week and you get to go off and do talk shows and hide out until Dead End.
Jack Diamond: Is that so? I’m not hiding out.
Jack Diamond: Hey man, his words, not mine. Well, when I won the match at Spectacle against Purple Rain, it put me right in the middle of the Ironman picture and so this week Steele defends against Jack Diamond. Now, he’s done pretty damn good to this point. He is after all, El Cazador… the hunter. Well, this Saturday, at Bankrupt, Sebastian loses his gold. The hunter will now become the hunted.
Jack Diamond: Some would say that Steele may be holding a grudge against Jack Diamond after I delivered the Stack Deck to him in the Gold Rush Rumble match and he may take it out on you. How can you be sure that you will deliver in this match, Jack?
Jack Diamond: Well, just like he experienced at Gold Rush, El Cazador will once again feel the pain and anguish as his head smashes into the mat after another stacked deck.
Jack Diamond: Jack, this isn’t Ari Naxt or Bobby Barratt you are fighting Saturday. Some say Sebastian Steele is the most exciting, high-flying, death defying, luchador in all of Mexico. How do you ground someone like that?
Jack Diamond: Well, if you had been paying attention this past Monday, you will have seen me almost snap Barratt’s knew in two with the Aces Wild. If I get that hold on Steele Saturday, well, the only thing he is going to be flying into is an ambulance. That Ironman belt is as good as mine.
Jack Diamond: Well, my next guest would disagree with you Jack. I believe he is a distant family member of Sebastian’s. Ladies and gentlemen… Elmer Steele!!!
[Some guy comes out dressed in an Elmer Fudd costume. The Elmer Fudd head on the costume has been painted up to resemble one of Sebastian Steele’s masks. He is carrying a toy shotgun in his hands, and draped over the barrel is a toy belt that says “Ironman” in masking tape.]
Jack Diamond: Elmer Steele…. Welcome to the—
Elmer Steele: Shhhh. Be verwy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits.
Jack Diamond: What the hell is a wabbit?
Elmer Steele: Wabbits, you know. It’s wabbit season.
Jack Diamond: Do you know what the hell he is talking about?
Jack Diamond: The only season that I know it is, is Diamond Season.
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: DIAMOND SEASON!
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: Ok, clearly we are not getting anywhere here, Elmer, thanks for being here.
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: Oh, for the love of God, shut him up.
[The second Jack Diamond runs in from behind and gives a stacked deck cutter to the Elmer Fudd costumed man. As the gun flies from his hands, the toy belt lands at Jack’s feet. He picks it up, laughs and throws it over his shoulder and walks back to the sofa.]
Jack Diamond: This Saturday at Bankrupt I will be walking out with the REAL Ironman Title. Then, all of the naysayers can say what they want to but not only will Jack Diamond be the ICW World Champion, he will also be the Ironman Champ and defend it every show. That’s right, in just a few short days, you are looking at ICW’s first, and only, double champion.
Jack Diamond: That’s right folks! Two belts down, and a Shooting Star throw down looming in the distance. If there is one thing that goes with Diamonds the best, it is Gold, and The Ace of Spades will one day hold every singles title here in ICW. Hell, he may even tag with this handsome son of a bitch to my right and win the tag belts. Who knows! What I do know, is Jack Diamond is the hottest thing in ICW right now, not Jericho Kade, not Brett Stetson, not even Duke’s flame thrower. No sir, because when the chips are down, Jack takes the pot. And that my friends, is something you can bet on! Anyways folks, that is all the time we have today. Please enjoy our musical guests tonight… MOTORHEAD!!!!
[The screen pans out to the left and we actually see the set is larger than originally thought. There on the small stage is drummer Mikkey Dee and guitarists Phil Campbell of Motorhead. Then, almost magically, a hologram appears of the late, great, Lemmy Kilmister. The “audience” can be heard cheering wildly again as the first note hits hard in “The Ace of Spades.” The band begins performing as only one Jack Diamond walks over into the scene, holding both the ICW World Title and the toy “Ironman” title. As the band finishes their song, Lemmy fades, and as Jack shakes the other members’ hands, the scene comes to an end and fades as well back to static.]
[TNT’s television feed is interrupted by a black screen with a red spade on it as the voiceover is heard. Then the screen goes to static]
[After a few seconds, the static is replaced by a cherry wooden desk, and beside the desk a leather sofa. The set looks high class, with crystal drinking glasses with what appears to be water and the backdrop of the scene shows the New York City skyline. It appears to be the setup of a late night talk show, much like Letterman, Leno, or Fallon. The voiceover breaks the silence once again.]
Voiceover: Welcome to All-In Tonight, and here is your host, “The Ace of Spades” Jack Diamond!
[Motorhead’s “The Ace of Spades” plays and Jack Diamond appears on the set, dressed in one of his expensive suits and his million dollar smile. On his shoulder, the ICW World Championship belt. He paces back and forth for a moment as huge applause is heard, obviously from a soundboard as the room looks barely larger than a small office. Diamond takes his spot behind the desk, props his title up in front of the microphone, and looks into the camera.]
Jack Diamond: Thank you! Thank you! Welcome to All-In Tonight! This is the best damn talk show in the world today! Some would have you believe that you are only famous if you go on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, but let’s face it, that show is washed up and hasn’t been good since Carson hosted. The people who go on Jimmy Fallon are losers, or people who wish they were famous. If you want to be on the show of shows, well then you gotta go all in baby!
[More cheers and applause as Jack points to himself and mouths the words “Mr. ICW is RIGHT HERE” He flashes another smile before continuing.]
Jack Diamond: And boy do we have a great show tonight. Anyone would be lucky to be in the presence of the ICW Champ, Jack Diamond but I can honestly say that I am honored to have the guest here tonight. He is someone who I would consider an equal. This man is without a doubt, the best wrestler I have ever seen in a ring. I’m not even sure if I work as hard as this man to prepare for my matches. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the handsome, the smart, the best damn thing in ICW today… JACK DIAMOND!
[Diamonds music plays again, and from the opposite side of the screen, another Jack Diamond enters the scene as the audience is finally aware that they have been had and that this is the old split screen/mirror production trick. As the second Diamond, dressed in another fancy suit but no title, walks over to the sofa, he and the first Diamond exchange bows, almost reminiscent of the combatants in a karate tournament. Of course they have to do this, as it would be impossible to shake hands. As the new Diamond takes a seat, the first Diamond takes his place behind the desk again and continues.]
Jack Diamond: Welcome Jack! It is such an honor to be here, I hope you don’t mind if I kind of, how do you wrestlers put it? Mark out? I’ve always been such a huge fan!
Jack Diamond: Are you kidding me? Man, I grew up watching you! I can’t believe I am here tonight! I mean, hell, you are the ICW World Champion! Thank you for having me!
Jack Diamond: Oh you are too kind, too kind. Hey speaking of two of a kind…
Jack Diamond: Ha, yeah I think I know where you are going. When the dealer hands you two Jacks… you always split the hand!
Jack Diamond: Indeed my friend, indeed. Well again, thank you for being here tonight Jack. I know you are taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me tonight for all of our Diamond Club VIPs, but I hear you have a big match coming up this Saturday.
Jack Diamond: I do have a big match. One that, honestly, I have been looking forward to having since I arrived in ICW. That of course is against “El Cazador” Sebastian Steele!
Jack Diamond: Ah yes, the Ironman Champion. If it is one thing I know, that is championship pedigree, and this man definitely has it. Before we talk about your match at Bankrupt though, I have to ask you what you have been up to in the ICW. You see, since I am the World Champion and don’t have to defend my belt until Dead End… well, I have just been hanging out, playing cards, making money, you know, living the life. So tell me Jack, since I won my title at Gold Rush, what’s been going on?
Jack Diamond: Well, you haven’t missed much man. Jericho Kade still has his head up Bobby Barratt’s ass… wait… can I say ass here?
Jack Diamond: This is my damn show, say whatever you want!
Jack Diamond: So yeah, Kade’s head is up Barney Barratt’s ass. They run around singing “I love you, you love me, I wear purple and sit when I pee.” You know, however that song goes. Anyways, you have that going on. I get put in a match with Bobby and of course, by winning, you don’t have to defend that belt now until Dead End, you’re welcome.
Jack Diamond: Well thank you kind sir.
Jack Diamond: No problem, I got your back Diamond. So yeah, that happened, Shawn Rossdale of course comes out and kicks Barratts ass after I had the match pretty much won, no problem there, but man I think he may be as crazy as Ari Naxt. Oh, speaking of Ari, yeah he is still winless. Um, Don White is now Donnie Darko. A couple of new comers are around, one of them is really into ice fishing, the big Russian dude is setting stuff on fire including his career, and Brett Stetson is still a punk.
Jack Diamond: Oh, so business as usual in the ICW eh? Fantastic. What about what’s his name? Halifax? How is the world’s number one dad?
Jack Diamond: Well, I think after you made those remarks about him abandoning his kid, he quite possibly abandoned us. I was actually thinking about putting him on a milk carton but the milk company said they only do that for people who others care for…
Jack Diamond: Ah, I see. So I notice you have one thing missing tonight Jack, and that is a title like yours truly has. How are you planning to fix that?
Jack Diamond: Well, that brings us back to my match Saturday against Steele. He is, as you mentioned, the ICW Ironman Champion. And boy does he wear that like a badge of honor, even saying it’s better than YOUR title, because he has to defend it every week and you get to go off and do talk shows and hide out until Dead End.
Jack Diamond: Is that so? I’m not hiding out.
Jack Diamond: Hey man, his words, not mine. Well, when I won the match at Spectacle against Purple Rain, it put me right in the middle of the Ironman picture and so this week Steele defends against Jack Diamond. Now, he’s done pretty damn good to this point. He is after all, El Cazador… the hunter. Well, this Saturday, at Bankrupt, Sebastian loses his gold. The hunter will now become the hunted.
Jack Diamond: Some would say that Steele may be holding a grudge against Jack Diamond after I delivered the Stack Deck to him in the Gold Rush Rumble match and he may take it out on you. How can you be sure that you will deliver in this match, Jack?
Jack Diamond: Well, just like he experienced at Gold Rush, El Cazador will once again feel the pain and anguish as his head smashes into the mat after another stacked deck.
Jack Diamond: Jack, this isn’t Ari Naxt or Bobby Barratt you are fighting Saturday. Some say Sebastian Steele is the most exciting, high-flying, death defying, luchador in all of Mexico. How do you ground someone like that?
Jack Diamond: Well, if you had been paying attention this past Monday, you will have seen me almost snap Barratt’s knew in two with the Aces Wild. If I get that hold on Steele Saturday, well, the only thing he is going to be flying into is an ambulance. That Ironman belt is as good as mine.
Jack Diamond: Well, my next guest would disagree with you Jack. I believe he is a distant family member of Sebastian’s. Ladies and gentlemen… Elmer Steele!!!
[Some guy comes out dressed in an Elmer Fudd costume. The Elmer Fudd head on the costume has been painted up to resemble one of Sebastian Steele’s masks. He is carrying a toy shotgun in his hands, and draped over the barrel is a toy belt that says “Ironman” in masking tape.]
Jack Diamond: Elmer Steele…. Welcome to the—
Elmer Steele: Shhhh. Be verwy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits.
Jack Diamond: What the hell is a wabbit?
Elmer Steele: Wabbits, you know. It’s wabbit season.
Jack Diamond: Do you know what the hell he is talking about?
Jack Diamond: The only season that I know it is, is Diamond Season.
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: DIAMOND SEASON!
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: Ok, clearly we are not getting anywhere here, Elmer, thanks for being here.
Elmer Steele: WABBIT SEASON!
Jack Diamond: Oh, for the love of God, shut him up.
[The second Jack Diamond runs in from behind and gives a stacked deck cutter to the Elmer Fudd costumed man. As the gun flies from his hands, the toy belt lands at Jack’s feet. He picks it up, laughs and throws it over his shoulder and walks back to the sofa.]
Jack Diamond: This Saturday at Bankrupt I will be walking out with the REAL Ironman Title. Then, all of the naysayers can say what they want to but not only will Jack Diamond be the ICW World Champion, he will also be the Ironman Champ and defend it every show. That’s right, in just a few short days, you are looking at ICW’s first, and only, double champion.
Jack Diamond: That’s right folks! Two belts down, and a Shooting Star throw down looming in the distance. If there is one thing that goes with Diamonds the best, it is Gold, and The Ace of Spades will one day hold every singles title here in ICW. Hell, he may even tag with this handsome son of a bitch to my right and win the tag belts. Who knows! What I do know, is Jack Diamond is the hottest thing in ICW right now, not Jericho Kade, not Brett Stetson, not even Duke’s flame thrower. No sir, because when the chips are down, Jack takes the pot. And that my friends, is something you can bet on! Anyways folks, that is all the time we have today. Please enjoy our musical guests tonight… MOTORHEAD!!!!
[The screen pans out to the left and we actually see the set is larger than originally thought. There on the small stage is drummer Mikkey Dee and guitarists Phil Campbell of Motorhead. Then, almost magically, a hologram appears of the late, great, Lemmy Kilmister. The “audience” can be heard cheering wildly again as the first note hits hard in “The Ace of Spades.” The band begins performing as only one Jack Diamond walks over into the scene, holding both the ICW World Title and the toy “Ironman” title. As the band finishes their song, Lemmy fades, and as Jack shakes the other members’ hands, the scene comes to an end and fades as well back to static.]