Heart & Soul "A Letter" (Rumble)
Apr 25, 2018 1:31:37 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and Kira Izumi like this
Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2018 1:31:37 GMT -5
The Family Man has been a bit off all day and as the night grows longer and later he decides to open his laptop and sit on the couch as the family is all in bed. After an hour or so he starts to type.
"It's after midnight and I'm sitting here listening to music videos on Youtube trying to clear my head. I keep thinking about everything and everything I have lost in the past year. Trying to get the voices in my head to go away but no luck. So I figured I would write down my thoughts and feelings for you as I think about my upcoming match. I am so confused, so out of control and so worried about what's going to happen. I have walked the floors in this old house a dozen times or two checking in on the kids as they sleep without a worry in the world. I can't help but smile as I look at their beautiful faces so peaceful, so perfect. The smile didn't last long as I head back into the empty, darkened living room. You lie in bed trying to rest and get some sleep as you will be up early to take care of the children as usual.
I don't dare tell you or anyone else how I feel or what's going on in my head as not to worry you more than you already are. I know you worry about me, about how we're going to pay the bills if I get hurt, how will we take care of the kids. I try to keep a positive front when we are together or around anyone else just so people don't talk or cause any trouble for you or the kids. If people knew about the voices about the guy I use to be and may still be it wouldn't be good for anyone especially you and the children.
So as I sit here typing this out, I pray to God for guidance and help to figure out what to do. It seems like I spend a lot of time apologizing to God and you lately. Even now as I type I hear that voice telling me what to do, I'm fighting to keep control not to lose it not to become the monster it wants me to be. People just don't understand what it's like to know just how messed up and broken you really are but they expect you to be perfect to be a rock. When you have family that depends on you for more than you really can give but you keep giving, you keep trying even though it's killing you inside both mentally and physically.
It's hard to keep the faith in yourself in God when every time you turn around there's another person, another challenger talking about how pathetic you are. How you don't really care about your family, how you should just give up on your dreams, your family, your life. I don't give up because I am afraid. I'm afraid of what would happen to you and the kids if I wasn't there to take care of you and them. I'm afraid of what would happen to Austin if I gave up and quit. Right now he relies on me to be in his corner to be half of "Heart & Soul". Every day it gets harder to do, it becomes more and more of a fight with every new obstacle with every new hater. But I watch how Austin has survived how he has fought and won his whole life it gives me a bit of hope.
I hear the tick-tock of the clock as I sit here typing, I can hear the sound of the wind blowing through the trees outside the living room window. I listen to the words of every song that plays on my Youtube playlist, right now it's R. Kelly's "I believe I can Fly" playing. It seems like every time I start to forget about all of the troubles and worries of the world that voice comes back taking away any good thoughts I may be having. I started out tonight trying to forget about the fact I have to face four men at one of the biggest events in the XHF Network for the greatest tag titles in the world. It's hard for any man to forget when you are facing a team like The Guns who have faced the best in the world and came out on top. That's hard enough and then after signing the contract for the match, the XHF Network executives thought it would be a great idea to through in another team just as dangerous The borgs.
I not only have to fight them, but I have to make sure Austin doesn't get hurt he has a long life ahead of him and a promising career he could be one of the greatest some day. But most of all I have to win, I have to win to prove to everyone that I belong in the wrestling business, that Felix Ziko wasn't crazy for giving me a chance. I have to win to show my three little boys and my little beauty queen that working hard pay's off and that their daddy isn't just some bum. Ahh, these voices just won't go away I understand that I wasn't always a good person I have done things in my past I'm not proud of but that was when I was a teenager, God please make the voices go away.
So many times I have just wanted to walk away, to just give in and give up, at least once a day I want to end it all. But then I pull out my wallet and take the picture of you and the children out and stare at you all until the feelings go away. I have never claimed to be perfect but I have been trying to be as close as possible. No matter what I have done the thing that will define me is the day I married you, the day I made the promise to love you forever. I'm sorry for being all over the place with this but that's how my mind works these days. Some days are better than others but there are always those days where everything is crazy, hectic and just miserable. No matter what happens this Sunday at The Rumble in Madrid, Spain, I will leave there with my head held high because I will know I gave it my all and I am going back home with the most precious thing in my life my family.
I guess I should get to bed as morning comes so fast and it's now well after one in the morning, I have to train with Austin all day tomorrow well today I guess. I take it typing this to you has helped calm the voices for a while as they have stopped so maybe I can get some sleep. I love you angel and if you see this just know I will never do anything to hurt you or the kids. You had my heart a long, long time ago just in case you didn't know. Just pray for me and Austin this match could set him up for a long and prosperous career that he deserves. "
The Family Man shuts off his laptop and heads to his room but not before checking in on all four children one last time. He goes by every kid giving them a kiss on their foreheads as they sleep whispering he loves them.
"It's after midnight and I'm sitting here listening to music videos on Youtube trying to clear my head. I keep thinking about everything and everything I have lost in the past year. Trying to get the voices in my head to go away but no luck. So I figured I would write down my thoughts and feelings for you as I think about my upcoming match. I am so confused, so out of control and so worried about what's going to happen. I have walked the floors in this old house a dozen times or two checking in on the kids as they sleep without a worry in the world. I can't help but smile as I look at their beautiful faces so peaceful, so perfect. The smile didn't last long as I head back into the empty, darkened living room. You lie in bed trying to rest and get some sleep as you will be up early to take care of the children as usual.
I don't dare tell you or anyone else how I feel or what's going on in my head as not to worry you more than you already are. I know you worry about me, about how we're going to pay the bills if I get hurt, how will we take care of the kids. I try to keep a positive front when we are together or around anyone else just so people don't talk or cause any trouble for you or the kids. If people knew about the voices about the guy I use to be and may still be it wouldn't be good for anyone especially you and the children.
So as I sit here typing this out, I pray to God for guidance and help to figure out what to do. It seems like I spend a lot of time apologizing to God and you lately. Even now as I type I hear that voice telling me what to do, I'm fighting to keep control not to lose it not to become the monster it wants me to be. People just don't understand what it's like to know just how messed up and broken you really are but they expect you to be perfect to be a rock. When you have family that depends on you for more than you really can give but you keep giving, you keep trying even though it's killing you inside both mentally and physically.
It's hard to keep the faith in yourself in God when every time you turn around there's another person, another challenger talking about how pathetic you are. How you don't really care about your family, how you should just give up on your dreams, your family, your life. I don't give up because I am afraid. I'm afraid of what would happen to you and the kids if I wasn't there to take care of you and them. I'm afraid of what would happen to Austin if I gave up and quit. Right now he relies on me to be in his corner to be half of "Heart & Soul". Every day it gets harder to do, it becomes more and more of a fight with every new obstacle with every new hater. But I watch how Austin has survived how he has fought and won his whole life it gives me a bit of hope.
I hear the tick-tock of the clock as I sit here typing, I can hear the sound of the wind blowing through the trees outside the living room window. I listen to the words of every song that plays on my Youtube playlist, right now it's R. Kelly's "I believe I can Fly" playing. It seems like every time I start to forget about all of the troubles and worries of the world that voice comes back taking away any good thoughts I may be having. I started out tonight trying to forget about the fact I have to face four men at one of the biggest events in the XHF Network for the greatest tag titles in the world. It's hard for any man to forget when you are facing a team like The Guns who have faced the best in the world and came out on top. That's hard enough and then after signing the contract for the match, the XHF Network executives thought it would be a great idea to through in another team just as dangerous The borgs.
I not only have to fight them, but I have to make sure Austin doesn't get hurt he has a long life ahead of him and a promising career he could be one of the greatest some day. But most of all I have to win, I have to win to prove to everyone that I belong in the wrestling business, that Felix Ziko wasn't crazy for giving me a chance. I have to win to show my three little boys and my little beauty queen that working hard pay's off and that their daddy isn't just some bum. Ahh, these voices just won't go away I understand that I wasn't always a good person I have done things in my past I'm not proud of but that was when I was a teenager, God please make the voices go away.
So many times I have just wanted to walk away, to just give in and give up, at least once a day I want to end it all. But then I pull out my wallet and take the picture of you and the children out and stare at you all until the feelings go away. I have never claimed to be perfect but I have been trying to be as close as possible. No matter what I have done the thing that will define me is the day I married you, the day I made the promise to love you forever. I'm sorry for being all over the place with this but that's how my mind works these days. Some days are better than others but there are always those days where everything is crazy, hectic and just miserable. No matter what happens this Sunday at The Rumble in Madrid, Spain, I will leave there with my head held high because I will know I gave it my all and I am going back home with the most precious thing in my life my family.
I guess I should get to bed as morning comes so fast and it's now well after one in the morning, I have to train with Austin all day tomorrow well today I guess. I take it typing this to you has helped calm the voices for a while as they have stopped so maybe I can get some sleep. I love you angel and if you see this just know I will never do anything to hurt you or the kids. You had my heart a long, long time ago just in case you didn't know. Just pray for me and Austin this match could set him up for a long and prosperous career that he deserves. "
The Family Man shuts off his laptop and heads to his room but not before checking in on all four children one last time. He goes by every kid giving them a kiss on their foreheads as they sleep whispering he loves them.