Post by Tommy Kelly on May 25, 2018 15:48:04 GMT -5
StormCrow: A real privilege having you on the show Goldbear. For a man who is actually not a man at all but a powerful and deadly predator, I only have one question for you...why do you listen to the GUNS? Why not simply eat them and take control!
Goldbear: (licks his testicles)
StormCrow: I mean, those guys are great fun and all, and I really like the gimmick they got going...y’know, one is as old as the hills but refuses to leave, he’s intent on getting revenge on Mongo but so many years have passed that now he’s just a bitter old man grasping at his fleeting stardom…
Goldbear: (woofs)
StormCrow: And then you have the other one, a middle-aged lesbian who just wants to have a good time and remain in the spotlight for as long as possible until a new movie comes out and everyone is talking about Tom Hardy and not him. I bet he’ll chop his hair off and get a leather jacket, trying to be relevant with all the new faces around the XHF now...I hate to see two stars burn out in a blaze of shit-stinking glory.
Goldbear: (drops his spaghetti hat, and starts to eat it)
StormCrow: Well I made you a drink but I guess you don’t need any more fire for your tummy, am I right? Well I am glad you are here Goldie, because I would love for you to bring a message back to the GUNS from me, if you could.
StormCrow starts to drink the last cocktail, as Goldpooch is too preoccupied eating his Italian cuisine. He leans over the bar and the camera zooms in on just Crow, nobody else.
StormCrow: James Mueller, you nude dragon hot piece of ass. Venom...Venomski, you hairy meatball. You two have been running wild on the XHF for more years that I have been drinking. And I’ve been drinking forever! But soon your time will end. I know there is a long waiting line of guys and dolls waiting for a dance with you, from that pipsqueek Raymond and his Irish lapdog, to the gay couple formerly known as the Darkness. Heck I think I even saw some Russian orgy trying to get into the mix! Know what, none of that matters, because there is only one team you need to worry about...The Brotherhood. Myself and Synn here are ready to go. We’ve come back from the dead to kick ass, and now all we need is our tag team gold back around our waists. So with that being said, I have just one last thing to mention…
He leans into the counter again, now practically leaning forward over the whole thing.
StormCrow: I know you are looking down my shirt for a peek at my bangers, ya dirty mares! Behave yourselves! And with that, I am off. Ladies and gents, pigs and princesses, I bid you farewell...enjoy the rest of the show!
[APPLAUSE]
His music starts playing again as the camera zooms out to show StormCrow waving to the camera and sipping his drink, Goldpooch and Anomaly fighting over a hamburger, and Synn is just laying there, still in a coma. We fade out and cut to a commercial break...
We open up to a shot of StormCrow sitting in a recliner chair in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. Next to him is a Bud Light, basically water. He watches a repeat of his own Crow Show from the last AXW event on TV. As his is sitting there, sipping away, he turns to face the camera.
What a showman, eh? Stunning on screen, charismatic off-screen, and all round an amazing superstar...god I love that Goldpooch! But, why are you hear, invading my personal space you wonder?...yeah I was wondering that myself. You couldn't give me two minutes to put on some trousers? Gimme a moment to fetch some pantaloons? Fuck...
He takes a sip of his beer.
Fuck, this tastes like piss...anyway, the reason you are here watching my in my jocks is simple...I put the word out that I am looking to add something new to my collection. Some round, something shiny...and no I don't mean James Mueller's forehead. Although I will be dancing all over that one day...I mean those yummy tag team belts. See there has been a poison running in this network for some time, and unchecked virus...a Venom if you will...and now it's time to fix that situation. I have tussled with these guys in the past, from Darkness to Brightness to GUNS to BUNS or whatever those robot guys were...but now its time for a real duo to run this show.
He drinks down the rest of his beer, crushes the beer can in his hand and tosses it away.
GUNS...Darkness...fucking Cancer Survivor #1 and #2...I don't care who the fuck the champions are. I am putting out my bid for the XHF Tag Titles, and I want them. Myself and Synn here, we didn't claw our way out of retirement for the laugh, no no...we're here to take over. Ain't that right buddy!
The camera pans over Crow's shoulder to see a bed in the background. Laying on it, completely unconscious in his coma is his tag team partner, Synn.
Ah he's not much of a talker these days...but that doesn't matter. Be it at Xtraction, Clash of the Icons, Wrestlemania or fucking McDonalds, I want my shot at those belts...WE want our shot. No more pussyfooting around, no more bullshit. I already too the belt from an old fart legend, AND beat his track record. I am the longest reigning XHF European Champion...EVER! And now, I want to add another notch to my bedpost.
He sits forward in the recliner, his nutsack coming loose in his shorts. It's blurred out thankfully.
James Mueller, Venom...your reign is nearing its end. Darkness is approaching, but I have no doubts you will scrape a victory. Then you have the Natural Born Killers or whatever they are called...childs play for you. As for those two sickly fuckers...that's not even worth worrying about. No no, when the time comes for The Brotherhood to fight for the gold...I want to see both your asses in that ring!...StormCrow OUT!
He sits back in his recliner as the camera pans away.
Heh, James Drool-er...wait, come back, I've got a good one!
But it's too late, as the scene fades to black.