THE GUNS ARE STILL MISSING, #WHERETHEFUCKARETHEGUNS
Jul 23, 2018 21:21:28 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and Venom 🕷 like this
Post by jamesmueller on Jul 23, 2018 21:21:28 GMT -5
We open up to an empty classroom brightly lit by fluorescent bulbs. At the head of the class is a teacher’s desk, a podium, and a TV cart with a green chalkboard covered in “MISSING” signs behind the props. On the MISSING signs are various pictures of James Mueller, Venom, and Goldbear II. Filming this bizarre scene is a single camera in the middle, and out from behind it and into view walks Magnus. He steadies the camera with both hands before making his way to the podium. Magnus adjusts his notes, stands up straight and then looks straight into the camera. He then adjusts his eyesight to the intern behind the camera.
: Do I look alright?
: Yes, great.
: Fantastic… I swiped right on this chick earlier and I think I got a good shot at smashing it like a Porche with Paul Walker in it, if you know what I’m say-
: We’re live.
Magnus stares a hole into the intern behind the camera and then looks back into the camera.
: Hello my fellow Americans. We are coming to you from the North Atlanta School for Troubled Youth, because I personally fear for my safety... You may know me as Magnus from the Xtreme Hardcore Federation, formerly part of the legendary No Warning Shot stable, and it is no secret that I am a contradictory secret fifth member of the GUNS stable.
: No you’re not.
: And-..... And recently it has become national news that the XHF Tag Team Champions, the Co-Owners of the GUNS, and my personal best friends-
: No they’re not.
: Have gone-.... Have gone missing. Now we’ve established search parties on 4Chan, we’ve shared Facebook posts, and we have collected your thoughts and prayers through all social media platforms ranging from Twitter to Grindr… And unfortunately, they are still missing.
Magnus pulls out a couple of VHS tables from under the podium and places them on top.
: Now what I have here was sent to me a few weeks ago by the Georgia State Highway Patrol. I’m not sure why they were in possession of these, let alone felt the need to hand them over to us, as these are… haunting. These tapes contain possible evidence of what has happened to the brave GUNS, and maybe clues to their whereabouts…
Magnus lifts one tape to show to the camera and those watching
: This tape in particular wasn’t sent to us… But was instead sent to the XHF Network itself and aired shamelessly on the XHF Network. And we’d like to thank you Bonnie Jenkins from surely distracting Mongo with nacho fries so you could get this into the right hands. I’m sure you all remember the first tape? It featured some kind of… Satanic ritual perpetrated by James himself, which almost led to Venom killing a pig and type-casting a number of black actors as voodoo, uh… Voodoo people.
Magnus puts the tape down, and then raises a small stack of tapes.
: These… These contain the continuation of the story started a month ago. And although there’s been speculation to what came out of the swamp, and viral videos breaking down the tape, and even interviews with several of the… Voodoo people… since then… These tapes definitely answer the question to “What the Hell did James Mueller raise out of that swamp?”
Magnus places the stack back down on the podium and grabs one more tape.
: Now, perhaps the… good thing to do would be to show you, the viewers, all of these tapes and answer the questions that are on your minds and to finally resolve this… But, a good man once told me “Shut the fuck up, Magnus, if it’s worth putting on the GUN Show, put it on the GUN Show, now get the fuck out of my face.” And James was right… The GUN Show this Wednesday will still go on as planned.
Magnus moves over to the TV cart and slides a VHS into the VCR. He turns on the TV to scramble and grabs the remote.
: I have it in good faith that these men and bear will return to us safely. Why?
A single tear runs down Magnus’ face.
: Because… They have to…
Magnus presses play on the remote to start the tape… We focus in on the tape itself.
------------------------------------
We fade open to a convenience store bathroom, slightly colored blue by the light. Standing at the cracked and dusty mirror is James Mueller, covered in dirt and blood and god knows what else. With both hands supporting him against the sink, he leans in and looks himself in the eyes.
: ...the fuck…
James widens and sharpens his eyes repeatedly, and just continues to stare... Puking can be heard in the closed stall near him. Coughing and then a flush ends the vomiting, and the stall door opens to Venom, partially covered in dirt as well. He leans against the opening to the stall while trying to catch his breath.
: James…
James doesn’t turn to him, and is instead holding one eye open and looking directly back into it with the mirror. Venom stumbles out and puts his hand on James’ back.
: James.
James shoulders Venom’s hand away and takes a step back. He runs his hand through his own hair, moving any hair away from his own face. Venom stares at him, wide eyed himself.
: James… We need to talk about… Everything that just happened tonight. The ritual… The pig… The fact that you resurrected-
: Shut up…
James slowly turns to Venom and stares right into his eyes, wide-eyed as well. He raises a finger to Venom.
: Shut the fuck up.
James turns and walks out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Venom approaches the sink, runs the faucet under his cupped hand, and shoves some water into his mouth. He spits some remaining vomit into the sink. Venom then looks up to face himself in the mirror… A pig squeal can be heard, but only for a second in his mind, and Venom quickly looks away and exits the bathroom as well.
Back inside the convenience store, James pulls out a 12 pack of Coors from the cooler. He tucks the box under his left arm, rips open the box with his right hand, grabs a can and pops it open and begins to chug the beer right in the aisle. A couple meters away is Goldbear II, chewing into a 24 pack of Miller Lite while a store clerk carefully mops up the spill-over around him. Venom marches over from the bathroom and spins James to face him.
: JAMES! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS!
James doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look upset, just looks at Venom with beer running down his beard.
: What’s there to talk about?
: James… You can’t just block this out. I know… I know personally that drinking isn’t the answer, James. We just need to discuss t-
: There is nothing to discuss. It’s over.
: How? How is it possibly over?
: It’s… It’s done! He’s gone! He’s… He’ll stay out there in the fucking woods, Venom. He’s a fuckin b-… He belongs out there.
: That’s foolish… and that’s not the only thing we need to talk about. What the fuck was all that, James?
: What?
: You tried to make me slaughter a fucking pig, James.
: You had no problem with killing Mongo when we origina-
: That’s not… You know what I’m talking about.
: Look, man… Clear your mind! Focus on Night of Champions coming up. We have to defend our tag team titles against the… New Age Outlaws?
: Killers…
: New Age Killers… We’re not fighting cancer kids this time, Venom.. They could be our toughest opponents yet. Now… I don’t know anything about them, and honestly I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard of them before, but… What happened tonight, I did it with our best interest in mind. I did it for the group… The result wasn’t what I had in mind. My Cajun’s a little rusty, I don’t think the doctor understand exactly what I was asking…
: James…. You tried to make me slaughter a pig…
James sighs and looks at his beer… He then shoves a can into Venom’s chest, spilling some into Venom’s shirt. Venom grabs it.
: It was just a pig, V. Lighten up.
James walks away and cracks open another beer while heading to the cashier near the entrance. Venom looks at the beer in his hand, snarls at James, and then throws the beer to the floor. Venom sighs and walks past Goldbear II and eventually James, and walks outside towards the rental car. He walks up to the car, facing away from the convenience store, and sits on the hood facing out to the dark two lane road they came in on. To his left is a Georgia state forest, and waaaay off to his right in the far away distance is the bright lights of Atlanta. Venom begins to breath heavy.
: ...that… pig…
SQUEEEE SQUEEEEEEE
: ...Oh my god…
Venom closes his eyes and puts his right hand over his chest.
SQUEEEEEEE SQUEEEEEEE
: Jesus Christ… It sounds so real…
Venom opens his eyes to a wild hog running by coming from the forest, squealing like a… pig. Venom rubs his eyes to make sure he’s seeing this correctly, until suddenly a deer runs by as well. Then another deer… and another. And a small turtle with a cracked shell. Venom then gets off the hood and takes a couple steps towards the forest, he looks out. His eyes begin to widen…
: ...Oh shit.
: Do I look alright? : Yes, great. : Fantastic… I swiped right on this chick earlier and I think I got a good shot at smashing it like a Porche with Paul Walker in it, if you know what I’m say-: We’re live.Magnus stares a hole into the intern behind the camera and then looks back into the camera.
: Hello my fellow Americans. We are coming to you from the North Atlanta School for Troubled Youth, because I personally fear for my safety... You may know me as Magnus from the Xtreme Hardcore Federation, formerly part of the legendary No Warning Shot stable, and it is no secret that I am a contradictory secret fifth member of the GUNS stable. : No you’re not.: And-..... And recently it has become national news that the XHF Tag Team Champions, the Co-Owners of the GUNS, and my personal best friends-: No they’re not.: Have gone-.... Have gone missing. Now we’ve established search parties on 4Chan, we’ve shared Facebook posts, and we have collected your thoughts and prayers through all social media platforms ranging from Twitter to Grindr… And unfortunately, they are still missing. Magnus pulls out a couple of VHS tables from under the podium and places them on top.
: Now what I have here was sent to me a few weeks ago by the Georgia State Highway Patrol. I’m not sure why they were in possession of these, let alone felt the need to hand them over to us, as these are… haunting. These tapes contain possible evidence of what has happened to the brave GUNS, and maybe clues to their whereabouts… Magnus lifts one tape to show to the camera and those watching
: This tape in particular wasn’t sent to us… But was instead sent to the XHF Network itself and aired shamelessly on the XHF Network. And we’d like to thank you Bonnie Jenkins from surely distracting Mongo with nacho fries so you could get this into the right hands. I’m sure you all remember the first tape? It featured some kind of… Satanic ritual perpetrated by James himself, which almost led to Venom killing a pig and type-casting a number of black actors as voodoo, uh… Voodoo people.Magnus puts the tape down, and then raises a small stack of tapes.
: These… These contain the continuation of the story started a month ago. And although there’s been speculation to what came out of the swamp, and viral videos breaking down the tape, and even interviews with several of the… Voodoo people… since then… These tapes definitely answer the question to “What the Hell did James Mueller raise out of that swamp?”Magnus places the stack back down on the podium and grabs one more tape.
: Now, perhaps the… good thing to do would be to show you, the viewers, all of these tapes and answer the questions that are on your minds and to finally resolve this… But, a good man once told me “Shut the fuck up, Magnus, if it’s worth putting on the GUN Show, put it on the GUN Show, now get the fuck out of my face.” And James was right… The GUN Show this Wednesday will still go on as planned. Magnus moves over to the TV cart and slides a VHS into the VCR. He turns on the TV to scramble and grabs the remote.
: I have it in good faith that these men and bear will return to us safely. Why? A single tear runs down Magnus’ face.
: Because… They have to…Magnus presses play on the remote to start the tape… We focus in on the tape itself.
------------------------------------
We fade open to a convenience store bathroom, slightly colored blue by the light. Standing at the cracked and dusty mirror is James Mueller, covered in dirt and blood and god knows what else. With both hands supporting him against the sink, he leans in and looks himself in the eyes.
: ...the fuck…James widens and sharpens his eyes repeatedly, and just continues to stare... Puking can be heard in the closed stall near him. Coughing and then a flush ends the vomiting, and the stall door opens to Venom, partially covered in dirt as well. He leans against the opening to the stall while trying to catch his breath.
: James…James doesn’t turn to him, and is instead holding one eye open and looking directly back into it with the mirror. Venom stumbles out and puts his hand on James’ back.
: James.James shoulders Venom’s hand away and takes a step back. He runs his hand through his own hair, moving any hair away from his own face. Venom stares at him, wide eyed himself.
: James… We need to talk about… Everything that just happened tonight. The ritual… The pig… The fact that you resurrected-: Shut up… James slowly turns to Venom and stares right into his eyes, wide-eyed as well. He raises a finger to Venom.
: Shut the fuck up.James turns and walks out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Venom approaches the sink, runs the faucet under his cupped hand, and shoves some water into his mouth. He spits some remaining vomit into the sink. Venom then looks up to face himself in the mirror… A pig squeal can be heard, but only for a second in his mind, and Venom quickly looks away and exits the bathroom as well.
Back inside the convenience store, James pulls out a 12 pack of Coors from the cooler. He tucks the box under his left arm, rips open the box with his right hand, grabs a can and pops it open and begins to chug the beer right in the aisle. A couple meters away is Goldbear II, chewing into a 24 pack of Miller Lite while a store clerk carefully mops up the spill-over around him. Venom marches over from the bathroom and spins James to face him.
: JAMES! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS!James doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look upset, just looks at Venom with beer running down his beard.
: What’s there to talk about?: James… You can’t just block this out. I know… I know personally that drinking isn’t the answer, James. We just need to discuss t-: There is nothing to discuss. It’s over. : How? How is it possibly over?: It’s… It’s done! He’s gone! He’s… He’ll stay out there in the fucking woods, Venom. He’s a fuckin b-… He belongs out there.: That’s foolish… and that’s not the only thing we need to talk about. What the fuck was all that, James?: What? : You tried to make me slaughter a fucking pig, James.: You had no problem with killing Mongo when we origina-: That’s not… You know what I’m talking about. : Look, man… Clear your mind! Focus on Night of Champions coming up. We have to defend our tag team titles against the… New Age Outlaws?: Killers…: New Age Killers… We’re not fighting cancer kids this time, Venom.. They could be our toughest opponents yet. Now… I don’t know anything about them, and honestly I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard of them before, but… What happened tonight, I did it with our best interest in mind. I did it for the group… The result wasn’t what I had in mind. My Cajun’s a little rusty, I don’t think the doctor understand exactly what I was asking…: James…. You tried to make me slaughter a pig…James sighs and looks at his beer… He then shoves a can into Venom’s chest, spilling some into Venom’s shirt. Venom grabs it.
: It was just a pig, V. Lighten up.James walks away and cracks open another beer while heading to the cashier near the entrance. Venom looks at the beer in his hand, snarls at James, and then throws the beer to the floor. Venom sighs and walks past Goldbear II and eventually James, and walks outside towards the rental car. He walks up to the car, facing away from the convenience store, and sits on the hood facing out to the dark two lane road they came in on. To his left is a Georgia state forest, and waaaay off to his right in the far away distance is the bright lights of Atlanta. Venom begins to breath heavy.
: ...that… pig… SQUEEEE SQUEEEEEEE
: ...Oh my god…Venom closes his eyes and puts his right hand over his chest.
SQUEEEEEEE SQUEEEEEEE
: Jesus Christ… It sounds so real…Venom opens his eyes to a wild hog running by coming from the forest, squealing like a… pig. Venom rubs his eyes to make sure he’s seeing this correctly, until suddenly a deer runs by as well. Then another deer… and another. And a small turtle with a cracked shell. Venom then gets off the hood and takes a couple steps towards the forest, he looks out. His eyes begin to widen…
: ...Oh shit.