Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 13, 2018 1:29:58 GMT -5
*The XHF logo flashes across the screen for a brief second before the scene turns to a jungle like setting. The sounds of birds will the air as a small rustle in the bushes grabs your attention. Suddenly jumping from the left right and middle are Teo, Mini-Bong-Hoe and Mini-Man-Go, all dressing in dull brown jump suits.... *
Teo *In a bad English accent*:"Well hello there, welcome to another xciteing addition of the croc hunters."
Teo nods as Bong-hoe begins to speak in the same bad accent....
Bong-Hoe: "Today you will be seeing some of the most Xtreme crocs out there."
Bong-Hoe smiles as Man-Go points to a pond in the background. The trio slowly make there way over. Teo peeks his head in then pops it back out....
Teo:"We have a real butte of a specimen here, i will give you a look, but remember these animals are real and Xtremely aggressive."
Teo waves the cameraman over; as he peeks through the tall grass you can see a Croc in a wheel chair....
Man-Go:"Thats the rare MartyrDile, you will notice that he is in a wheel chair, there is no apparent reason for it besides he is a fat lazy ass!"
Suddenly there is motion in the water behind the MartyrDile...
Bong-Hoe:"Ohhh my, this could get really interesting. It appears as if another rare Croc is coming ashore as well."
Teo:"This is the first time we have seen this type of behavior. This is amazing!"
The camera goes back to the shoreline as a Croc with a bad looking greasy wig crawls upon the shore....
Man-Go:"Ohhh my, thats the endangered BastardDile, you can tell by the hair, its very Elvis looking and quite greasy to the touch, He is one of the most fear Crocs known to man!"
Teo and Bong-Hoe look at each other quickly before running away. Man-Go looks until the BastardDile lets out a rather strange growl of some type, Man-Go screams like a little girl and runs off toward the other too hiding about 50 feet away, running up to
them they motion for him to be silent
Teo: "This is something really special here folk. No one has ever captured footage of this rare breed.... EVER."
Bong-Hoe: Please dont look directly at this fella, he is very irritable."
The camera comes through the weeds to show a really, really fat Croc wearing a pimp hat and a hot purple jacket, Gold chains hang from off of his neck....
Teo: "That there is the MongoDile, his skin doesnt sweat, it oozes gold. The size of this fella's skin has to be at least enough to have a pair of gold plated trousers for the 3 of us."
Bong-Hoe Teo and Man-Go all look at each other, then huddle up....Slowly they arrange in some sort of attack form and swarm into the area where the MongoDile is. After a few moments of bumps and rustling a large burp is heard and a splatter of blood flies towards the camera where it quickly drips off to say
WELCOME TO THE 1ST ANNUAL XHF AWARDS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lights then come up inside the auditorium where people are laughing and having a good time when a booming voice is heard over the loud system.....
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome your hosts Scott Hall and the star of many porno movies and a personal hero of mine Ron Jeremy"
Ron and Scott come out from different side of the stage to applause from the crowd. Scott pulls a Bastard Brew from his pocket and pops the top...
Ron: Its great to be here hosting the first annual XHF awards. I watch you guys on TV week in and week out, what you do is no different then what i do, except i get to wrestle with naked hot chicks."
Scott looks at him cross-eyed....
Scott: I knew I recognized you. Your that fat hairy bastard who fucks all those chicks."
Ron: Yes, thats one way to put it."
Scott: Ever put it to Jenna Jameson?"
Ron: Well, Its not like i wanted to but, yes, yes I have."
Scott: "Hey yo, I bet you still got her smell on your pumpernickel."
Ron: WHAT?"
Scott: Let me smell your junk man."
Ron moves away a couple of steps....
Ron:"Ladies and gentlemen presenting the first award tonight from the hit film XXX, Vin Diesel and one of my personal favorites from the XHF, Torrie Wilson."
Scott peruses Ron off stage yelling, "Come on, just a little whiff", as Torrie and Vin come out to a small podium...
Torrie: "Hey Vin, when ever you get through with the acting thing, maybe you could think about joining the XHF. A guy with your looks could go along way here."
The camera then pans over to a laughing "Primetime" Chris Sanders, who is looking really sharp in a white suit.
Vin: "Yea, maybe i could win best newcomer like one of these guys."
The XtremeTron lights up with XHF Wrestling action as the announce speaks each wrestlers highlights are shown.....
Announcer: Chris KanyonRavenGravedigger"
Vin pulls an envelope from his suit jacket pocket, tearing it open, he hands it to Torrie....
Vin: "A pretty woman always has the honors."
Torrie blushes as she moves her hair out of her face, the camera quickly pans to an angry looking Rage wearing some sort of strange leather vest....
Torrie: "We have a tie...The winners are Chris Kanyon and Raven"
Raven and Kanyon get up from different sides of the arena. Raven is wearing his usual attire while Kanyon is looking sharp in a double-breasted suit. The two arrive on center stage at the same time and lock eyes while shaking hands with Vin and hugging Torrie. Kanyon takes the mic as a young woman brings out a small golden statue of Mongo for both men....
Kanyon: "Thanks to everyone that voted for me. Thanks to Mongo for making this all possible. WHO BETTA THEN KANYON!!"
A small pop from the crowd as Raven shoves Kanyon out of the way......
Raven: "Kanyon? By some fluke, some mishap, we tied in this award. But then again, you've never beaten me in anything, have you Kanyon? Not a single match. This was the only thing that you could even get close to beating me in. Somebody else's opinions. Definitely not a wrestling match. And you still couldn't beat me here. I laugh at your attempts to beat me in
something, anything. You can't. It'll never be done. You didn't beat me tonight and you won't beat me next Sunday either. Seeing you bring laughter to my soul."
Raven and Kanyon get into a shoving match on the way back stage. They are quickly swarmed by security after a few moments
Ron: That was quite...interesting...wouldn't ya say Scott?"
Scott snaps his fingers as he drops the top to a freshly opened Bastards Brew, the cap lands right in from of Ron.....
Scott: "DAMN, Don't worry partner I'll get it."
Ron nods in agreement as Scott bends down in front of him.....
Ron: Being on Television has its..."
Ron looks down and Scott is mere inches from his crotch sniffing........
Ron: "What the hell are you doing?"
Scott hops up quickly, dusting his pant legs off...
Scott: My nose started running, I didn't want to get any snot on the stage, so i was trying to suck it back in thats all."
Ron: Just stay standing up please, Ok?"
Scott nods.....
Scott: "Yea sure...No Probe...I can do that..."
Ron: Thank you."
Scott: Youre welcome, and smell minty fresh."
Ron moves a few steps away......
Ron: Like I was saying, Being on Television has its ups and downs. Its good points and its bad points. People tend to focus on the bad points, But here to prove that the XHF is something special is Art Howell from the Make-A-Wish foundation."
Scott and Ron start to walk off of stage....
Scott: Do you wash in mouthwash or something, cause you smell minty man."
Ron tries to hurry off of stage as the Make-A-Wish guy steps to the podium......
Art: "On T.V. you people have a persona that you must play, but during your free time you become true humans. Sick children all around the world look up to you, just like you need them to cheer or boo when your in that ring, they need you when they are ill and in bad health. They have called out to the XHF on more then one occasion, you men and women have answered
their calls with open arms. We at the Make-A-Wish foundation salute each and every one of you."
The crowd applauds.......
Art: You have given so much of your time and efforts, that we at the Make-A-Wish foundation thought it was time to pay you all back. We put together a tribute on video for all of you, but for musical accompaniment, playing there smash hit times Like These, Please welcome the FOO FIGHTERS!!"
The crowd erupts into cheers as the curtain lifts and the Fighters Of Foo begin to play, The XtremeTron shows touching pictures......
*I
I'm a one way motorway
I'm a road that drives away and follows you back home*
Scenes of Mongo holding a frail childs hand is shown as a "awwwww" is let out from the crowd
*I
I'm a streetlight shining
I a white light blinding bright, burning off and on
it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again *
Scenes of a group of children, laughing and playing , as Rat Bastard and Scorpion joke and goof with them....
*I
I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight
but I
I'm a little divided
do I stay or run away and leave it all behind*
A scene of a bald head Diamond and a child who is also bald is shown, Diamond bends down as the kid rubs his bald head and smiles.
* it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
A scene with Destruction and Martyr is shown, they are playing a XHF video game with some burn unit children.
*it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again*
Rhein and Slain are shown slapping and punching each other as kids laugh, until Rhein hits Slain to hard causing him to fall and the kid to cry.
*it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
Slain is shown with the crying child, he gibes the kid his most prized possesion, Spanky. The child smiles brightly as Slain rubs his little baldhead.
*it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again*
Goldberg and Raven are shown signing autographs from
some kids....
*it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
Reeshi is shown walking and holding a small girl in his arms as the song comes to an end and the XtremeTron says one simple sentence.....THANK YOU. The arena burst into applause as the curtain again covers the Foo Fighters. The spotlight then goes back to Ron and Scott on center stage.....
Ron: Our next presenters are big fans of the XHF, I should know, I work with them."
Scott: "Damn man, it better not be any other fat hairy guys that smell like Scope."
Ron: No, no, and i don't smell like Scope."
Scott: Whatever, carry on, please, and yes you do smell like Scope."
Ron shakes his head.....
Ron: Please welcome adult film stars Gauge and Jenna Jameson."
Scott: I bet they smell good, Not like Scope."
The two ladies come to the podium as woot and hollers are heard in the arena.....
Gauge: Look at all these big bad ass guys here tonight!"
More hoots and hollers....
Jenna: "This is a womans dream come true!"
Gauge: But i need a special man, someone who is tough, and strong, but also loving."
Jenna: "You might have found Mr. Right, we are giving the award for most loved wrestler, and lets see the
nominees."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:" RageMongo The DestroyerScorpion."
The crowd cheers for each name. The camera goes back to the ladies as Jenna pulls the envelope from between her large breasts and tears it open......
Jenna and Gauge: SCORPION!!"
Applause it heard as Scorpion in full-face pain and a nice black leather trench coat slowly walks up to the podium. He hugs Jenna, then Gauge, Then back to Jenna. A young woman brings Scorpion his golden Mongo as he begins to speak....
Scorpion: Thanks to all the fans, with out you guys, there would be no XHF, there would be no Scorpion. This award belongs to the fans. Thanks a lot."
Scorpion then turns and hugs Jenna again before all of them walk back stage and Ron and Scott return.....
Scott: That son of a bitch couldn't even share a hug with me."
Ron: Youll be alright man, I promise."
Scott turns to the crown with his head down, he looks really sad.......
Ron: Come on man, brighten up, where doing a show here."
Scott kicks his foot like he is kicking a rock....
Scott: Can you hug me Ron?"
Ron: What?"
Scott: Hug?"
Ron: No, Scott, No."
Scotts head pops up quickly.....
Scott: Buy me a beer then!"
Ron again moves away from Scott.....
Ron: Our next presenters are real bad asses."
Scott: Bad asses like tough guys or bad asses like *clears his lungs* DAMN MAN, LOOK AT THAT BAD ASS OVER THERE!!"
Ron: No, no, bad asses like bad ass dudes."
Scott: Do they smell like Scope"
Ron shakes his head again.....
Ron: Please welcome Tommy Lee and Dennis Rodman."
Scott: I bet they smell like Listeren, they don't look like Scope guys to me."
Dennis and Tommy take the podium to a huge ovation....
Tommy: We have the bad boy rep going here Dennis."
Dennis: You know it. Being bad is almost as cool as being good."
Tommy laughs....
Tommy: But the bad guys always get the hot chicks."
Dennis: I dont know about that, the last guy that won had to hot ass chicks by his side."
Tommy: Good point, On to the nominees for Most Hated Wrestler."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo the DestroyerReeshiRat Bastard."
Dennis pulls the envelope from the front of his pants and tries to hand to Tommy....
Tommy: No thanks man."
Dennis rips it open....
Dennis: Its my boy...B. Diddy...Rat Bastard."
The fans boo as Rat, wearing a 50's style zoot suit emerges from Mongos table and walks to the podium. He shakes hands with Tommy and gives Dennis a hug as the young woman hands him his golden Mongo.....
Rat: "Damn it feels good to be bad. You know i was going to come up here and spout off about how much I hate this place. Its not this place that i hate, its the fans, and it is clear that you all hate me right back. So fuck you all. And Scorpion, dont think i am done with you, just cause I pulled out of our little match it doesnt mean that the good guys wins again."
Rat heads back stage as Ron and Scott return, Scott has a bottle of Crown Royal Whisky in his hand and is downing it left and right.....
Ron: "Wooo hoooo man."
Scott: "Whaaat?"
Ron: We are hosting a show here, what the hell are you doing?"
Scott: Taking my medication, wants some?"
Scott slips the bottle under Ron's nose....
Ron: Is that Scope?"
Scott: Yes it is, It reminds me of you."
Ron: Please welcome from Monster garage Jesse James, and from the mega hit X-Men 2, Rebecca Roman Stamos."
Scott takes a big drink and gargles as the two walk off stage......
Jesse: "Hey, i guess where her to present best feud?"
Rebecca: Yes we are, think you can put the winners car through the Monster Garage treatment?"
Jesse: Only if you can do like you do in X-Men and transform yourself into my pants."
Rebecca: Ohhh, were gonna start our own feud right here!! Here are the Nominees."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo The Destroyer and DestructionReeshi and ScorpionRaven and Kanyon."
Jesse pulls the envelope out and rips it open...
Jesse: Scorpion and Reeshi."
Scorpion again comes up as does Reeshi, they shake hand with Jesse and hug Rebecca before both stepping to the mic.....
Reeshi: "That was one tough feud. A lot of blood was spilled."
Scorpion: Calling it tough is an understatement."
Reeshi: Ya know, as rough as it was, I would do it all over again. If ya keep that belt any longer, thats that might just happen."
Scorpion looks over at Reeshi and smiles....
Scorpion: Anytime, Anytime."
They then head off to the back as Ron comes out alone this time......
Ron: I don't know where my co-Host is, but the show must go on. So are you guys having a good time tonight? Are you enjoying the show?"
The crowd cheers as Scott comes running out on stage holding a bottle of Scope......
Scott: "HAHA...I found this in your locker room!"
Ron: So?"
Scott: It proves my point."
Ron: What point?"
Scott: That you bath in Scope."
Ron looks at his for a second, he then grabs the bottle and turns it around. In big black letters across the back it says Property Of Scott Hall. Scott looks at it.....
Scott: "Ummmmmm............yea...can i have a
hug?"
Ron: No. Our next presenters are no strangers to sick bumps or twisted falls. Please welcome from the hit
movie Jackass, Johnny Knoxville and Weeman."
Scott: "Hey, i had more in this bottle this morning. You've been fucking with my Scope hairy man?"
Johnny and Weeman take the podium to cheer.
Johnny: "Yo Weeman, did you see what happened to those little fellas at the begining of the show? It gave mean idea for you and Jackass the Movie Part 2."
Weeman: "Only if i can dress up like an Umpa Lumpa again."
Johnny: "Ok, you got it. Here are the nominees for Match of the Year."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo and Destruction Tower of Terror 2End Of Days Six Pack Challenge for the XHF ChampionshipScorpion and
Reeshi Night Of Champions II..."
Weeman rips the envelope open.
Weeman: "Tower Of Terror baby, Mongo and Destruction."
Mongo refuses to get up and calls for a mic to where he is sitting, the young woman brings the golden Mongo to him as Destruction dressing in a tux steps to the podium where his golden Mongo awaits.
Destruction: "WOW, who would have thought. To bad these awards look like Mongo."
Mongo: "To bad you weaseled your way back into a job. You should be homeless right now."
Destruction: "Whatever. Thanks to those that voted it was a hell of a match."
Mongo: "And i enjoyed kicking your ass in it."
Destruction ignores the comments and heads towards the back as Ron and Scott return.....
Ron: "Am award was given out earlier tonight and we would like to congratulate DaGame1, who won a Golden Mongo for Best Promo writing."
The crowd responds with applause as Scott tries to hug
Ron....
Ron: "NO MAN,NOOOO."
Scott: "Sorry, it was emotional."
Ron:"You smell like Scope."
Scott: I smell like you now."
Ron:"The show must go on......Here to present best story line are the Minis.....Man-Go and Bang-Hoe."
The two little guys step to the podium but can't see over it. Ron comes out with some crates and they jump on top.
Bong-Hoe:"The story line propels the match along. It gives it life."
Man-Go:"Now if only someone would write us a storyline we would be set. Maybe we could win next year. The nominees are."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:"the formation of Mongo Corp.Scorpion gone madMartyr and Rage long lost brothers."
Man-go rips open the envelope.....
Man-go:"The bosses.....The Formation of Mongo Corp."
Rat and Mongo yell from the back for the little fella to accept on there behalfs. The young woman come out and hands them the Golden Mongos....
Bang-Hoe:"Mongo Corp. is one hell of a team. I mean it brought me back together with my brother."
The two hug....
Man-go:"Thanks Mongo Corp."
The two go to walk away but Bang-hoe runs back to the podium....
Bang-hoe:"Dont forget, Mongo Corp. owns you all"
He hops down off of his podium as Ron and Scott come back out.
Scott:"This next band needs no introduction."
Ron:"There the best there is, the best there ever will be."
Scott:"Dude, i said no introduction."
Ron:"OHHHHH FUCK IT...METALLICA!!!!"
The curtain flips up as the entire arena goes black. the opening riffs of Seek and Destroy begin to play as Xtreme XHF action plays on the XtremeTron...
*We're scanning the scene in the city tonight
We're looking for you to start up a fight
There's an evil feeling in our brains
But it's nothing new, you know it drives us insane*
Destruction and Mongo falling off of towers are shown time and time again.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
A bloody Scorpion is shown still fighting and punching.
*There is no escape and that's for sure
This is the end, we won't take any more
Say goodbye to the world you live in
You have always been taking but now you're giving*
various chair shot to peoples heads, backs, chests are all shown in sloe motion.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
Scenes from the Chamber match are shown.
*Our brains are on fire with the feeling to kill
And it won't go away until our dreams are fulfilled
There is only one thing on our minds
Don't try running away, 'cause you're the one we will
find*
Scenes of different wrestlers being put into ambulances are shown.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
A bloody mat is shown with Scorpion clinching the XHF worlds title. The curtain flips back down and Ron and Scott stand center stage. They have to wait for the crown to settle down from the rocking performance that was just given.....
Ron:"This is the last award of the night. Ladies and Gents please welcome, Whoopi Goldberg and from the 1980's, Flock of Seagulls."
Whoopi and the Band Flock of Seagulls take to the podium.....
Whoopi:"What is up with that hair?"
Flock of Seagulls guy:"I could ask you the same."
Whoopi:"Lets get this over with, hell you people scar me. Nominees for Wrestler of the Year are."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:"Lance StormScorpionRat Bastard."
Whoopi:"And the winner is..."
Whoopi hand the envelope to the Flock of Seagulls....
Seagull guy:"AND SCORPION WON HE WON WRETLER OF THE YEAR, HE JUST WON, THE WRESTLER OF THE YEAR....WRESTLER OF THE YEAR."
Scorpion walks slowly up to the podium where he is greeted by a standing ovation. The young lady comes out to hand Scorpion his golden Mongo and he turns to address the crowd.....
Scorpion:"WOW, what do you say to something like this? I am speechless. Thank you all for voting for me, its been one hell of a ride to the top, and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon!"
Scorpion holds his award over his head as a voice comes from behind him on the stage, its Mongo....
Mongo:"Now get off my stage before i fire you. I have some thing important to say."
Mongo clears his throat.......
Mongo begins to sing in a wretched god-awful voice...
Mongo:
"I'm sailing away, set an open course for the
virgin sea
I've got to be free, free to face the life that's
ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on."
the curtain behind Mongo flips up and the band Styx is
theyre playing!!!!
Mongo:
"I look to the sea, reflections in the waves
spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can to carry on"
Mongo tosses the mic to the lead singer as he begins to rock out with the rest of the crowd as the credits roll ending the show."
*A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what
they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me*
Mongo grabs the mic back and begins singing louder and worse then before closing the song out.
Mongo:
"Thought that they were angels, but to my
surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the
skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me*
The screen slowly fades to black as the party is still raging, before going totally black though the camera catches a glimpse of Scott Hall and Ron Jeremy.......hugging.
Teo *In a bad English accent*:"Well hello there, welcome to another xciteing addition of the croc hunters."
Teo nods as Bong-hoe begins to speak in the same bad accent....
Bong-Hoe: "Today you will be seeing some of the most Xtreme crocs out there."
Bong-Hoe smiles as Man-Go points to a pond in the background. The trio slowly make there way over. Teo peeks his head in then pops it back out....
Teo:"We have a real butte of a specimen here, i will give you a look, but remember these animals are real and Xtremely aggressive."
Teo waves the cameraman over; as he peeks through the tall grass you can see a Croc in a wheel chair....
Man-Go:"Thats the rare MartyrDile, you will notice that he is in a wheel chair, there is no apparent reason for it besides he is a fat lazy ass!"
Suddenly there is motion in the water behind the MartyrDile...
Bong-Hoe:"Ohhh my, this could get really interesting. It appears as if another rare Croc is coming ashore as well."
Teo:"This is the first time we have seen this type of behavior. This is amazing!"
The camera goes back to the shoreline as a Croc with a bad looking greasy wig crawls upon the shore....
Man-Go:"Ohhh my, thats the endangered BastardDile, you can tell by the hair, its very Elvis looking and quite greasy to the touch, He is one of the most fear Crocs known to man!"
Teo and Bong-Hoe look at each other quickly before running away. Man-Go looks until the BastardDile lets out a rather strange growl of some type, Man-Go screams like a little girl and runs off toward the other too hiding about 50 feet away, running up to
them they motion for him to be silent
Teo: "This is something really special here folk. No one has ever captured footage of this rare breed.... EVER."
Bong-Hoe: Please dont look directly at this fella, he is very irritable."
The camera comes through the weeds to show a really, really fat Croc wearing a pimp hat and a hot purple jacket, Gold chains hang from off of his neck....
Teo: "That there is the MongoDile, his skin doesnt sweat, it oozes gold. The size of this fella's skin has to be at least enough to have a pair of gold plated trousers for the 3 of us."
Bong-Hoe Teo and Man-Go all look at each other, then huddle up....Slowly they arrange in some sort of attack form and swarm into the area where the MongoDile is. After a few moments of bumps and rustling a large burp is heard and a splatter of blood flies towards the camera where it quickly drips off to say
WELCOME TO THE 1ST ANNUAL XHF AWARDS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lights then come up inside the auditorium where people are laughing and having a good time when a booming voice is heard over the loud system.....
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome your hosts Scott Hall and the star of many porno movies and a personal hero of mine Ron Jeremy"
Ron and Scott come out from different side of the stage to applause from the crowd. Scott pulls a Bastard Brew from his pocket and pops the top...
Ron: Its great to be here hosting the first annual XHF awards. I watch you guys on TV week in and week out, what you do is no different then what i do, except i get to wrestle with naked hot chicks."
Scott looks at him cross-eyed....
Scott: I knew I recognized you. Your that fat hairy bastard who fucks all those chicks."
Ron: Yes, thats one way to put it."
Scott: Ever put it to Jenna Jameson?"
Ron: Well, Its not like i wanted to but, yes, yes I have."
Scott: "Hey yo, I bet you still got her smell on your pumpernickel."
Ron: WHAT?"
Scott: Let me smell your junk man."
Ron moves away a couple of steps....
Ron:"Ladies and gentlemen presenting the first award tonight from the hit film XXX, Vin Diesel and one of my personal favorites from the XHF, Torrie Wilson."
Scott peruses Ron off stage yelling, "Come on, just a little whiff", as Torrie and Vin come out to a small podium...
Torrie: "Hey Vin, when ever you get through with the acting thing, maybe you could think about joining the XHF. A guy with your looks could go along way here."
The camera then pans over to a laughing "Primetime" Chris Sanders, who is looking really sharp in a white suit.
Vin: "Yea, maybe i could win best newcomer like one of these guys."
The XtremeTron lights up with XHF Wrestling action as the announce speaks each wrestlers highlights are shown.....
Announcer: Chris KanyonRavenGravedigger"
Vin pulls an envelope from his suit jacket pocket, tearing it open, he hands it to Torrie....
Vin: "A pretty woman always has the honors."
Torrie blushes as she moves her hair out of her face, the camera quickly pans to an angry looking Rage wearing some sort of strange leather vest....
Torrie: "We have a tie...The winners are Chris Kanyon and Raven"
Raven and Kanyon get up from different sides of the arena. Raven is wearing his usual attire while Kanyon is looking sharp in a double-breasted suit. The two arrive on center stage at the same time and lock eyes while shaking hands with Vin and hugging Torrie. Kanyon takes the mic as a young woman brings out a small golden statue of Mongo for both men....
Kanyon: "Thanks to everyone that voted for me. Thanks to Mongo for making this all possible. WHO BETTA THEN KANYON!!"
A small pop from the crowd as Raven shoves Kanyon out of the way......
Raven: "Kanyon? By some fluke, some mishap, we tied in this award. But then again, you've never beaten me in anything, have you Kanyon? Not a single match. This was the only thing that you could even get close to beating me in. Somebody else's opinions. Definitely not a wrestling match. And you still couldn't beat me here. I laugh at your attempts to beat me in
something, anything. You can't. It'll never be done. You didn't beat me tonight and you won't beat me next Sunday either. Seeing you bring laughter to my soul."
Raven and Kanyon get into a shoving match on the way back stage. They are quickly swarmed by security after a few moments
Ron: That was quite...interesting...wouldn't ya say Scott?"
Scott snaps his fingers as he drops the top to a freshly opened Bastards Brew, the cap lands right in from of Ron.....
Scott: "DAMN, Don't worry partner I'll get it."
Ron nods in agreement as Scott bends down in front of him.....
Ron: Being on Television has its..."
Ron looks down and Scott is mere inches from his crotch sniffing........
Ron: "What the hell are you doing?"
Scott hops up quickly, dusting his pant legs off...
Scott: My nose started running, I didn't want to get any snot on the stage, so i was trying to suck it back in thats all."
Ron: Just stay standing up please, Ok?"
Scott nods.....
Scott: "Yea sure...No Probe...I can do that..."
Ron: Thank you."
Scott: Youre welcome, and smell minty fresh."
Ron moves a few steps away......
Ron: Like I was saying, Being on Television has its ups and downs. Its good points and its bad points. People tend to focus on the bad points, But here to prove that the XHF is something special is Art Howell from the Make-A-Wish foundation."
Scott and Ron start to walk off of stage....
Scott: Do you wash in mouthwash or something, cause you smell minty man."
Ron tries to hurry off of stage as the Make-A-Wish guy steps to the podium......
Art: "On T.V. you people have a persona that you must play, but during your free time you become true humans. Sick children all around the world look up to you, just like you need them to cheer or boo when your in that ring, they need you when they are ill and in bad health. They have called out to the XHF on more then one occasion, you men and women have answered
their calls with open arms. We at the Make-A-Wish foundation salute each and every one of you."
The crowd applauds.......
Art: You have given so much of your time and efforts, that we at the Make-A-Wish foundation thought it was time to pay you all back. We put together a tribute on video for all of you, but for musical accompaniment, playing there smash hit times Like These, Please welcome the FOO FIGHTERS!!"
The crowd erupts into cheers as the curtain lifts and the Fighters Of Foo begin to play, The XtremeTron shows touching pictures......
*I
I'm a one way motorway
I'm a road that drives away and follows you back home*
Scenes of Mongo holding a frail childs hand is shown as a "awwwww" is let out from the crowd
*I
I'm a streetlight shining
I a white light blinding bright, burning off and on
it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again *
Scenes of a group of children, laughing and playing , as Rat Bastard and Scorpion joke and goof with them....
*I
I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight
but I
I'm a little divided
do I stay or run away and leave it all behind*
A scene of a bald head Diamond and a child who is also bald is shown, Diamond bends down as the kid rubs his bald head and smiles.
* it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
A scene with Destruction and Martyr is shown, they are playing a XHF video game with some burn unit children.
*it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again*
Rhein and Slain are shown slapping and punching each other as kids laugh, until Rhein hits Slain to hard causing him to fall and the kid to cry.
*it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
Slain is shown with the crying child, he gibes the kid his most prized possesion, Spanky. The child smiles brightly as Slain rubs his little baldhead.
*it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again*
Goldberg and Raven are shown signing autographs from
some kids....
*it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again *
Reeshi is shown walking and holding a small girl in his arms as the song comes to an end and the XtremeTron says one simple sentence.....THANK YOU. The arena burst into applause as the curtain again covers the Foo Fighters. The spotlight then goes back to Ron and Scott on center stage.....
Ron: Our next presenters are big fans of the XHF, I should know, I work with them."
Scott: "Damn man, it better not be any other fat hairy guys that smell like Scope."
Ron: No, no, and i don't smell like Scope."
Scott: Whatever, carry on, please, and yes you do smell like Scope."
Ron shakes his head.....
Ron: Please welcome adult film stars Gauge and Jenna Jameson."
Scott: I bet they smell good, Not like Scope."
The two ladies come to the podium as woot and hollers are heard in the arena.....
Gauge: Look at all these big bad ass guys here tonight!"
More hoots and hollers....
Jenna: "This is a womans dream come true!"
Gauge: But i need a special man, someone who is tough, and strong, but also loving."
Jenna: "You might have found Mr. Right, we are giving the award for most loved wrestler, and lets see the
nominees."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:" RageMongo The DestroyerScorpion."
The crowd cheers for each name. The camera goes back to the ladies as Jenna pulls the envelope from between her large breasts and tears it open......
Jenna and Gauge: SCORPION!!"
Applause it heard as Scorpion in full-face pain and a nice black leather trench coat slowly walks up to the podium. He hugs Jenna, then Gauge, Then back to Jenna. A young woman brings Scorpion his golden Mongo as he begins to speak....
Scorpion: Thanks to all the fans, with out you guys, there would be no XHF, there would be no Scorpion. This award belongs to the fans. Thanks a lot."
Scorpion then turns and hugs Jenna again before all of them walk back stage and Ron and Scott return.....
Scott: That son of a bitch couldn't even share a hug with me."
Ron: Youll be alright man, I promise."
Scott turns to the crown with his head down, he looks really sad.......
Ron: Come on man, brighten up, where doing a show here."
Scott kicks his foot like he is kicking a rock....
Scott: Can you hug me Ron?"
Ron: What?"
Scott: Hug?"
Ron: No, Scott, No."
Scotts head pops up quickly.....
Scott: Buy me a beer then!"
Ron again moves away from Scott.....
Ron: Our next presenters are real bad asses."
Scott: Bad asses like tough guys or bad asses like *clears his lungs* DAMN MAN, LOOK AT THAT BAD ASS OVER THERE!!"
Ron: No, no, bad asses like bad ass dudes."
Scott: Do they smell like Scope"
Ron shakes his head again.....
Ron: Please welcome Tommy Lee and Dennis Rodman."
Scott: I bet they smell like Listeren, they don't look like Scope guys to me."
Dennis and Tommy take the podium to a huge ovation....
Tommy: We have the bad boy rep going here Dennis."
Dennis: You know it. Being bad is almost as cool as being good."
Tommy laughs....
Tommy: But the bad guys always get the hot chicks."
Dennis: I dont know about that, the last guy that won had to hot ass chicks by his side."
Tommy: Good point, On to the nominees for Most Hated Wrestler."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo the DestroyerReeshiRat Bastard."
Dennis pulls the envelope from the front of his pants and tries to hand to Tommy....
Tommy: No thanks man."
Dennis rips it open....
Dennis: Its my boy...B. Diddy...Rat Bastard."
The fans boo as Rat, wearing a 50's style zoot suit emerges from Mongos table and walks to the podium. He shakes hands with Tommy and gives Dennis a hug as the young woman hands him his golden Mongo.....
Rat: "Damn it feels good to be bad. You know i was going to come up here and spout off about how much I hate this place. Its not this place that i hate, its the fans, and it is clear that you all hate me right back. So fuck you all. And Scorpion, dont think i am done with you, just cause I pulled out of our little match it doesnt mean that the good guys wins again."
Rat heads back stage as Ron and Scott return, Scott has a bottle of Crown Royal Whisky in his hand and is downing it left and right.....
Ron: "Wooo hoooo man."
Scott: "Whaaat?"
Ron: We are hosting a show here, what the hell are you doing?"
Scott: Taking my medication, wants some?"
Scott slips the bottle under Ron's nose....
Ron: Is that Scope?"
Scott: Yes it is, It reminds me of you."
Ron: Please welcome from Monster garage Jesse James, and from the mega hit X-Men 2, Rebecca Roman Stamos."
Scott takes a big drink and gargles as the two walk off stage......
Jesse: "Hey, i guess where her to present best feud?"
Rebecca: Yes we are, think you can put the winners car through the Monster Garage treatment?"
Jesse: Only if you can do like you do in X-Men and transform yourself into my pants."
Rebecca: Ohhh, were gonna start our own feud right here!! Here are the Nominees."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo The Destroyer and DestructionReeshi and ScorpionRaven and Kanyon."
Jesse pulls the envelope out and rips it open...
Jesse: Scorpion and Reeshi."
Scorpion again comes up as does Reeshi, they shake hand with Jesse and hug Rebecca before both stepping to the mic.....
Reeshi: "That was one tough feud. A lot of blood was spilled."
Scorpion: Calling it tough is an understatement."
Reeshi: Ya know, as rough as it was, I would do it all over again. If ya keep that belt any longer, thats that might just happen."
Scorpion looks over at Reeshi and smiles....
Scorpion: Anytime, Anytime."
They then head off to the back as Ron comes out alone this time......
Ron: I don't know where my co-Host is, but the show must go on. So are you guys having a good time tonight? Are you enjoying the show?"
The crowd cheers as Scott comes running out on stage holding a bottle of Scope......
Scott: "HAHA...I found this in your locker room!"
Ron: So?"
Scott: It proves my point."
Ron: What point?"
Scott: That you bath in Scope."
Ron looks at his for a second, he then grabs the bottle and turns it around. In big black letters across the back it says Property Of Scott Hall. Scott looks at it.....
Scott: "Ummmmmm............yea...can i have a
hug?"
Ron: No. Our next presenters are no strangers to sick bumps or twisted falls. Please welcome from the hit
movie Jackass, Johnny Knoxville and Weeman."
Scott: "Hey, i had more in this bottle this morning. You've been fucking with my Scope hairy man?"
Johnny and Weeman take the podium to cheer.
Johnny: "Yo Weeman, did you see what happened to those little fellas at the begining of the show? It gave mean idea for you and Jackass the Movie Part 2."
Weeman: "Only if i can dress up like an Umpa Lumpa again."
Johnny: "Ok, you got it. Here are the nominees for Match of the Year."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer: "Mongo and Destruction Tower of Terror 2End Of Days Six Pack Challenge for the XHF ChampionshipScorpion and
Reeshi Night Of Champions II..."
Weeman rips the envelope open.
Weeman: "Tower Of Terror baby, Mongo and Destruction."
Mongo refuses to get up and calls for a mic to where he is sitting, the young woman brings the golden Mongo to him as Destruction dressing in a tux steps to the podium where his golden Mongo awaits.
Destruction: "WOW, who would have thought. To bad these awards look like Mongo."
Mongo: "To bad you weaseled your way back into a job. You should be homeless right now."
Destruction: "Whatever. Thanks to those that voted it was a hell of a match."
Mongo: "And i enjoyed kicking your ass in it."
Destruction ignores the comments and heads towards the back as Ron and Scott return.....
Ron: "Am award was given out earlier tonight and we would like to congratulate DaGame1, who won a Golden Mongo for Best Promo writing."
The crowd responds with applause as Scott tries to hug
Ron....
Ron: "NO MAN,NOOOO."
Scott: "Sorry, it was emotional."
Ron:"You smell like Scope."
Scott: I smell like you now."
Ron:"The show must go on......Here to present best story line are the Minis.....Man-Go and Bang-Hoe."
The two little guys step to the podium but can't see over it. Ron comes out with some crates and they jump on top.
Bong-Hoe:"The story line propels the match along. It gives it life."
Man-Go:"Now if only someone would write us a storyline we would be set. Maybe we could win next year. The nominees are."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:"the formation of Mongo Corp.Scorpion gone madMartyr and Rage long lost brothers."
Man-go rips open the envelope.....
Man-go:"The bosses.....The Formation of Mongo Corp."
Rat and Mongo yell from the back for the little fella to accept on there behalfs. The young woman come out and hands them the Golden Mongos....
Bang-Hoe:"Mongo Corp. is one hell of a team. I mean it brought me back together with my brother."
The two hug....
Man-go:"Thanks Mongo Corp."
The two go to walk away but Bang-hoe runs back to the podium....
Bang-hoe:"Dont forget, Mongo Corp. owns you all"
He hops down off of his podium as Ron and Scott come back out.
Scott:"This next band needs no introduction."
Ron:"There the best there is, the best there ever will be."
Scott:"Dude, i said no introduction."
Ron:"OHHHHH FUCK IT...METALLICA!!!!"
The curtain flips up as the entire arena goes black. the opening riffs of Seek and Destroy begin to play as Xtreme XHF action plays on the XtremeTron...
*We're scanning the scene in the city tonight
We're looking for you to start up a fight
There's an evil feeling in our brains
But it's nothing new, you know it drives us insane*
Destruction and Mongo falling off of towers are shown time and time again.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
A bloody Scorpion is shown still fighting and punching.
*There is no escape and that's for sure
This is the end, we won't take any more
Say goodbye to the world you live in
You have always been taking but now you're giving*
various chair shot to peoples heads, backs, chests are all shown in sloe motion.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
Scenes from the Chamber match are shown.
*Our brains are on fire with the feeling to kill
And it won't go away until our dreams are fulfilled
There is only one thing on our minds
Don't try running away, 'cause you're the one we will
find*
Scenes of different wrestlers being put into ambulances are shown.
*Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Running, on our way
Hiding, you will pay
Dying, one thousand deaths
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy
Searching
Seek and destroy*
A bloody mat is shown with Scorpion clinching the XHF worlds title. The curtain flips back down and Ron and Scott stand center stage. They have to wait for the crown to settle down from the rocking performance that was just given.....
Ron:"This is the last award of the night. Ladies and Gents please welcome, Whoopi Goldberg and from the 1980's, Flock of Seagulls."
Whoopi and the Band Flock of Seagulls take to the podium.....
Whoopi:"What is up with that hair?"
Flock of Seagulls guy:"I could ask you the same."
Whoopi:"Lets get this over with, hell you people scar me. Nominees for Wrestler of the Year are."
The XtremeTron lights up again with action as each man is shown.....
Announcer:"Lance StormScorpionRat Bastard."
Whoopi:"And the winner is..."
Whoopi hand the envelope to the Flock of Seagulls....
Seagull guy:"AND SCORPION WON HE WON WRETLER OF THE YEAR, HE JUST WON, THE WRESTLER OF THE YEAR....WRESTLER OF THE YEAR."
Scorpion walks slowly up to the podium where he is greeted by a standing ovation. The young lady comes out to hand Scorpion his golden Mongo and he turns to address the crowd.....
Scorpion:"WOW, what do you say to something like this? I am speechless. Thank you all for voting for me, its been one hell of a ride to the top, and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon!"
Scorpion holds his award over his head as a voice comes from behind him on the stage, its Mongo....
Mongo:"Now get off my stage before i fire you. I have some thing important to say."
Mongo clears his throat.......
Mongo begins to sing in a wretched god-awful voice...
Mongo:
"I'm sailing away, set an open course for the
virgin sea
I've got to be free, free to face the life that's
ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on."
the curtain behind Mongo flips up and the band Styx is
theyre playing!!!!
Mongo:
"I look to the sea, reflections in the waves
spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can to carry on"
Mongo tosses the mic to the lead singer as he begins to rock out with the rest of the crowd as the credits roll ending the show."
*A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what
they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me*
Mongo grabs the mic back and begins singing louder and worse then before closing the song out.
Mongo:
"Thought that they were angels, but to my
surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the
skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me*
The screen slowly fades to black as the party is still raging, before going totally black though the camera catches a glimpse of Scott Hall and Ron Jeremy.......hugging.