Post by The King on Oct 6, 2018 17:09:11 GMT -5
Killa Kai: GOLDBEAR II?!
We see Killa Kai talking to a production member backstage after his grueling win against 'No Fear' Daruun Michael. He's just been notified of the brackets for the End of Days tournament; he's in shock at his next round opponent. His mouth is wide open, his eyebrows raised, he can't believe it. His lip begins to quiver, his knees begin to shake. Then he smiles; dimples reaching his ears, eyebrows raised so high you could see them from outer space.
Killa Kai: Oh man I've waited all my life to drop fists with Goldbear II!
Kai, being an XHF fan of his own right, punches a fist into the air. He can't stop saying his opponent's name; out of fear or happiness, who knows.
Killa Kai: GOLDBEAR II! The animal GUNS brought in to fend off a pig!
Wait.
Fend off a pig?
Kai suddenly notices the silliness of the situation, his smile turns into a look of mere confusion. The Production member, who stands there with a bleak look upon his face, pipes up.
Production Member: Yeah, uh, the 'Olde Boarg' Thob was the X*Crown Champion. Remember? That pig who defeated Hardcore Harry in a no disqualification match.
Killa Kai's eyes twitch, not wanting to remember the darker days of the XHF Network's history.
Killa Kai: Oh I remember alright...
Killa Kai is sitting around a TV screen in his house back in Puerto Rico, surrounding him are a few of his childhood friends.
Killa Kai: Woooo! Come on Harry! Beat that pig!
Friend: Can't believe they booked a pig in a world title match...
Friend: It's that damn Mongo, he's so out of touch.
Killa Kai: It's the AWF, they're a joke anyways so what does it matter?
Friend: Do you really want to see a pig hold the top title in the world of wrestling?
Killa Kai: Not really.
Friend: Then you see where I'm coming from.
Killa Kai: Yeah, but it's not like they're going to put the title on i-
He's suddenly cut off by the distinct voices of Taylor and Romano shouting:
"And Boargs May Fly! Something tells me this is it, Cassius! | Yeah, well something tells me this isn't it, Tommy."
The camera pans to the screen as Kai and his friends watch in silence. We see that Thob is on top of Hardcore Harry and Referee Steve Tyrell has slid in for the pin.
One...
We cut to Kai's face, shocked.
Killa Kai: Kickout Harry!
Harry is getting ready to kick out.
Two...
Friend: Oh man.
Kai rubs his eyes in disbelief.
Slain's body and his exertion in this match was too much for him. He lost control and falls off the top rope. He lands on top Thob and thus, on top of Harry. Harry isn't able to kick off the weight of both Slain and Thob!
Three!
Killa Kai shakes his head.
Killa Kai: What. The. Fuck.
"The winner of this match and the NEW X*Crown Champion, Thob!"
Kai looks around at all of his friends, plastered on their faces is the same reaction.
"I don't believe it... | Well believe it, son! The match just ended and we have ourselves this pig of an X*Crown Champion!
Kai immediately reaches for the remote and turns the TV off. He and his friends are left in darkness as we cut back to reality.
Production Member: You know that was like only a year and two months ago, right?
Kai's eyes widen.
Killa Kai: No way. That feels like it was ages ago...
Production Member: Crazy how time flies, huh.
Kai slowly nods his head, then remembers what he was talking about prior to getting caught up in some silly flashback.
Killa Kai: So... Goldbear II... Gold... Freakin'... Bear... II...
Production Member: Yeah, uh, good luck with that one.
The production man leaves Kai alone backstage.
Killa Kai: Goldbear II...
He looks puzzled.
Killa Kai: Is he even legal?
Hunter: The six US states that have no restrictions on keeping large cats, primates and bears include Nevada, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Alabama, North Carolina and South Carolina. Other states allow primates but not bears and tigers, such as Virginia and Tennessee.
We see Kai in some sort of hunter's workshop talking to a stereotypical hunter man; beard long and rough; hasn't had a shower in a few days, sort of thing. The Killa is slowly nodding his head as the dude carries on speaking, his voice bland with no emotion, a face of grave countenance.
Hunter: Now Georgia, the hometown of this bear you so fondly speak of, would classify the GUN's ownership of him illegal. So to answer your question mister killa dude, no, the bear ain't legal.
Kai's nodding stops as a smirk crawls across his face.
Killa Kai: Oh, really?
The hunter slowly nods his head.
Killa Kai: Well that's great, I'll be facing the bear in Salem, Massachusetts... Where he's still illegal... meaning...
He stops.
His smirk turns into a sadistic smile.
Killa Kai: I don't actually have to face the bear!
Hunter: What do you mean?
Killa Kai: Well... I dob GUNS into the feds, get the bear detained, and advance into the next round of the End of Days tournament without a scratch!
Kai seems so proud of himself; the hunter not as much.
Hunter: Well if you were to ask me mister killa, it sounds like you're scared of this bear, putting on a persona of joy to overcome your fear deep within.
Killa Kai: W- well no-one asked you stinky.
Hunter: Excuse me?
Killa Kai: You heard me...
Hunter: ...Indeed I did.
The old hunter man swings a punch but Kai dodges it, he's so used to people swinging for him these days that he's basically become Spiderman; except that, no-one likes him, and he isn't a good guy either. Kai kicks the hunter dude in the gut and grabs him by the beard, swinging his fat ass into a store cabinet full of bait and fish BANG spray. The old dude flops to the floor, barely conscious.
Killa Kai: Why does no-one like me?
He bends down and grabs the hunter's hat from off of his head, placing it on his own and walking out of the store, on his way picking up some BANG spray.
Killa Kai: And who buys this shit?
He throws it away as he exits the shop.
Lawyer: Look, we need to talk, you can't be beating up anyone and everyone who annoys you.
Kai is sat down with his lawyer, Bob Dinky, who was hired after that incident in which he beat up a production member during the buildup to Final Frontier. Now the lawyer's back, and it seems as though he's here to sort out a new case, in which Kai 'attacked' a store clerk in Tennessee after he called him stinky.
Lawyer: Wait. It was the other way around?
Kai nods his head and shrugs.
Killa Kai: Self-defense.
The lawyer sighs.
Lawyer: Well stop making so many goddamn enemies. It's hard to keep your record clean when everyone's gunning for your head.
Killa Kai: All I did was call him stinky.
Lawyer: Well why'd you do that?
Killa Kai: Because he stunk.
Lawyer: Hate to say it but I can see why people dislike you.
Kai chuckles to himself.
Killa Kai: You can?
Lawyer: Yeah, I can see why people hate your guts.
Killa Kai: You don't hate my guts though right?
Lawyer: As much as I'd like to I'm not allowed, you're my client.
Killa Kai: Good, so you'll help me out.
The lawyer looks a bit taken back.
Lawyer: With what exactly?
Killa Kai: Can you contact the feds and tell them there's an illegally owned bear heading to Salem Massachusetts on October 14th?
The lawyer shakes his head in disbelief.
Lawyer: Not like you to run from a fight.
Killa Kai: IT'S A BEAR.
Lawyer: You scared?
Killa Kai: NO, I'M NOT SCARED! I'M BEING SMART!
Lawyer: Sounds to me like you're scared.
Killa Kai: Look, are you gonna do it or not?
Lawyer: Well I'd be ruining the fun for everyone else if I did, I'm a lawyer, we don't do that sort of stuff.
Killa Kai: Yes, yes you do.
Lawyer: Yeah I guess you're right, but man, I really wanna see you fight this bear!
Killa Kai: And I really wanna see you contact the feds!
Lawyer: You'll be the most hated guy in the business if I did.
Killa Kai: I already am.
Lawyer: Rob Arnold's beaten you to it.
Killa Kai: Oh you have a cheek, and fuck Rob Arnold.
Lawyer: You did not just say that.
Killa Kai: Oh yes I did.
Lawyer: He's going to haunt you in the night now.
Killa Kai: Oooooh I'm so scared. CONTACT THE FEDS.
Lawyer: No.
Killa Kai: How much am I paying you?
Lawyer: Not enough.
Killa Kai: Well I'll double it.
Lawyer: Still not enough.
Killa Kai: Triple?
Lawyer: Don't think you can afford that.
Killa Kai: I hate you with a passion.
Lawyer: You'll love me more once you've beaten the bear.
Killa Kai: I can beat him in more ways than one, it doesn't have to necessarily be through fighting!
Lawyer: You? Beating him in any other way than fighting? Who do you take me for Kai, a fool?
Killa Kai: Well you'd be a fool not to contact the feds.
Lawyer: I'M NOT CONTACTING THE FEDS.
Kai stands up as the lawyer stands up, both men lock eyes as they touch nose to nose.
Killa Kai: Do it.
Lawyer: Make me.
Kai doesn't know what to do, he knows that if he strikes the lawyer he'll be going down. He has to back up.
Killa Kai: Fine, I'll fight the fucking bear.
Lawyer: Good man.
Killa Kai: I can see why you're a lawyer now.
Lawyer: I always get my way Kai.
Killa Kai: Tell me this then, smart-ass, is it legal to hunt bears in Massachusetts?
Lawyer: Only with a license.
Killa Kai: Can you get me one before the 14th?
Lawyer: Why, what you going to do? Shoot the fucking thing? In the middle of the ring no-less?
Killa Kai: If I have to.
Lawyer: Goodness sake. I'll see what I can do; doubled pay right?
Killa Kai: Pffft no.
Lawyer: Hmm, seems like the earliest I can get you one is the fifteenth.
Killa Kai: Fine, double pay.
Lawyer: Ooooh look, an offer for the fourteenth just popped up, what a coincidence.
Killa Kai: Someday you'll learn to regret this, Bob.
Lawyer: I'm sure I will Kai, I'm sure I will.
The lawyer smirks at Kai's youthfulness, one day he'll learn how to fast talk his way into or out of anything. But first, he has to beat a bloody bear!