This is becoming unBEARable | Killa Kai | EOD #4

[The King]

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Killa Kai and his lawyer, Bob Dinky, are sitting on a park bench somewhere in the busy streets of New York, New York. Killa Kai sits there with a grave look on his face; he's seen something - he wants to tell his lawyer. Meanwhile, Bob Dinky sits legs together, chest plucked up high and packed lunch box on his lap. In his hand is a jam sandwich, on which he munches ferociously; jam spewing to all corners of his joyful face. Kai finally turns and looks at him, ready to reveal all; when he stops. He notices Dinky having a blast eating his lunch; he's not despicable enough to ruin that moment of bliss for the lawyer. Oh wait. Yes he is.

Killa Kai: The bear responded...

The lawyer spits out the remains of his ham sandwich, shock shoots into his once playful demeanor.

Lawyer: The bear responded?! Not the GUNS?! Like literally the bear?!

Killa Kai: The bear responded; somehow, someway. It took me by surprise, I was busy watching TV when the notification popped up on my phone; I reached down and hesitantly pressed the play button, not knowing what kind of a shitstorm I was in for, and boy oh boy was it a shitstorm and a half. It was as if he was in my head or something, his fishy breath felt ever-present in my ear as a sharp tingle spiked through my spine. He was there, inside of me, speaking to me.

Bob's face slowly turns from shock into confusion; he can't tell if Kai is being serious or not.

Lawyer: Are you sure that really happened Kai? In times of fear us humans rely on the realm of imagination as to whisk us away from the harsh reality that is life.

Kai doesn't look like he's playing.

Killa Kai: I'm not scared of the fuckin' bear! Actually no, scrap that, I am scared of the fuckin' bear! Not because he can beat me - which he can't; but because he's a bear that can talk - a freakin' bear that can talk! THAT'S NOT NORMAL! I can't go around threatening to shoot something that can speak all twenty six letters of the standard English alphabet, that's practically first degree murder!

The lawyer slowly nods his head.

Lawyer: Yeah; but he's a bear?

Killa Kai: And? You don't see me going into the 'Hundred Acre Woods' hunting Winnie the fuckin' Pooh, do you?

Lawyer: Actually, I can see you doing that.

Kai puts his hands up.

Killa Kai: Okay... maybe I would - but there's a fine line between reality and fiction, last time I checked, Winnie the Pooh doesn't exist - Goldbear II does, somehow.

The lawyer rubs his chin.

Lawyer: You know, for someone who claims to be a big fan of the XHF - the fact you overlooked that the bear can talk really concerns me.

Killa Kai: I never payed attention to the bear.

Lawyer: What? You don't watch GUNS?

Killa Kai: No; who watches that crap?

The lawyer gasps ever so loud; the lunchbox falls from off his lap. He almost stands up, but thinks better of it.

Lawyer: TELL ME, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! 

Kai smirks.

Killa Kai: Oh yes I did; biggest heel in the business bay bay!

Lawyer: The boys in the back would hung, draw and quarter you if they ever caught those words coming out of your mouth, Kai!

Killa Kai: Well thank god no one's listening then.

Kai and the lawyer look around, nope, no one's listening. Or are they?

Lawyer: So then, want me to stop trying for that hunting license?

Killa Kai: Hmmm...

Lawyer: I mean, if you're not actually going to shoot the thing; what's the point in wasting time getting one?

Killa Kai: Good point, but let's keep it.

Lawyer: Why-

Killa Kai: Because I am going to shoot the thing!

The lawyer shakes his head; confused as ever.

Lawyer: What? You said it yourself, that'd be first degree murder! You can't just change you're mind like the snap of a finger, that'd be some bad character development! Think this through Kai, don't do anything that you'll regret in the morning, and don't expect me to save your sorry ass in court.

Killa Kai: Well, you are my lawyer no?

Lawyer: Fuck - yeah, you're right.

Killa Kai: You're good enough to save me from getting life in jail aswell? 'What ya in 'ere for mate?' - 'Uh, I killed a bear - he could talk'.

Lawyer: I'm not known as the best lawyer in all of New York for nothing you know!

Killa Kai: Literally no-one's ever said that to you.

Lawyer: I can dream dammit!

Killa Kai: Well dream big when we reach national headlines and you save me in the case! Then, you'll be known as New York's best lawyer - think of it, you save me from shooting a talking bear - you could save anyone!

Lawyer: Don't... think... it works like that, Kai.

Killa Kai: 'course it does, you just need to take the gamble; that's all.

Lawyer: Then that means you have to take the shot?

Killa Kai: BOOM! Now you're gettin' it!

Kai turns forward, then back at the lawyer. There's something sincere in his look.

Killa Kai: Ya know, I'm starting to enjoy this pairing, Bob; I feel as though we've really bonded in the last few weeks.

The lawyer gains a massive grin. Did THE Killa Kai just give him a compliment?

Lawyer: Oh really? You really think that Kai?

Killa Kai: No.

Lawyer: Oh.

Killa Kai: Back to work dickhead!

He turns and looks forward, as though cutting a promo; which must look rather silly to his lawyer, Bob Dinky, as he's not being recorded - or at least as far as they can tell he's not. People walk on by and give Kai a quick glance of puzzlement before carrying on with their busy lives. Why's this strange man shouting out loud?

Killa Kai: Goldbear II it's hunting season! When I beat you for that sweet one... two... three... or tap you out in the PR Kruise, your life will flash before your giant beast like eyes! You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape the Killa, Kai! Your days are numbered and when all is said and done, when my hand is raised and you are left clawing your way from off the canvas; then I'll take the shot. I hate to do it to ya, but it's gotta happen! We can't have bears, whom can talk, running around as if they rule the yard! Come October 14th End of Days will be your literate END OF DAYS! 'nd I'll be huntin' like a hunter!

Click clack... BOOM.

Kai pretends to lock and loud his gun; finally shooting into the thin air. Dinky picks his lunch box back up and brings out a new sandwich in which he was saving for later; bear.

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