Post by vastrix on Oct 11, 2018 15:34:05 GMT -5
“Can’t you see that I’m up here unbroken……?”
Monster Magnet’s “Unbroken” – the official (and often forgotten) theme of RSW bursts through the PA system, bringing the sold out house in Georgia to their feet. Finally, after what feels like literally years of waiting, Riot Star Wrestling’s Anarchy World Tour has returned to the United States of America!
There’s a huge roar as fireworks take off from the stage, exploding somewhere near the apex of the roof, sparking and glittering. The camera takes a dizzying pan around the arena, as fans mug for it, hoping to get five seconds of TV time with their signs. As always, it’s the best ones which hold the camera’s attention.
”PACK YOUR BAGS, DAG”
”LEX IS PURE SEX”
”DYLAN ERICKSON IS JUST A SHIT TYSON FURY”
”UFC IS FAKER THAN WRESTLING”
”ALYSSA, I’M A HYPNOTIST, CALL ME”
”WHERE’S SAMMY?”
”RIOT TIME!”
”TOMMY ONIONS {No Means No} ME IN CALCUTTA”
That last one provokes an angry response from behind the microphone.
TOMMY ONIONS: I’ve never even been to Calcutta!
BILLY FOWLER: That’s your objection? Not “I’m not a rapist”, “I’ve never been to Calcutta?”
JOSEPH GREER: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. We’re live!
TOMMY ONIONS: Wait, what?
The camera cuts to ringside. Tommy Onions is desperately trying to find a place to shove a can of extra strong beer and a suspicious little bag of powder below the desk, but is caught red handed. Fowler and Greer shoot him an evil glare.
TOMMY ONIONS: This is…um….talcum powder.
JOSEPH GREER: That’s not going to wash. Think of a better one by the time the police get here.
BILLY FOWLER: Was that supposed to be a pun? Talcum powder? Don’t forget to wash?
JOSEPH GREER: No. Folks, sorry for the farcical introduction, but we are live, tonight, in the good ol’ USA, and what a card we have for you. There are titles on the line. There’s action that you’re not going to see anywhere else. The very best combat athletes in the world are going to….
”I FEEEEEEEEEELLLLL YOOOUUUUU!”
The entire arena is on their feet as Depeche Mode’s “I Feel You” – the entrance music of Rob Riot – cuts Greer off in mid flow.
BILLY FOWLER:…..they’re going to get things started right now! It’s my boy!
TOMMY ONIONS: He’s your boy. Frankie’s my boy. Greer, that means the other one from the Bastards must be your boy! The one who wasn’t as good. What was his name. B something. B….
Fowler glares daggers at Onions.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh, it was you, wasn’t it. Sorry. My memory isn’t what it was. Erm….no offence intended?
BILLY FOWLER: Quite a lot taken.
The crashing chorus of the song arrives, and Rob Riot steps through the curtains. He has the RSW Anarchy Championship over his shoulder, and the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.
JOSEPH GREER: Well there he is, ladies and gentlemen. All of a sudden, he’s back at the pinnacle of the professional wrestling world. Double champion, man of the hour, and dominant as he’s ever been…..it’s Rob Riot.
BILLY FOWLER: Riot never wasn’t on top, Joseph. He just got sidetracked for a while. Nice “pinnacle” gag, though. He used to work for the Pinnacle Wrestling Association.
TOMMY ONIONS: We all had enough of your wrestling history lessons last time around, Fowler.
BILLY FOWLER: I might be retired, but I’m still more than capable of kicking your arse, Onions. Shut up.
TOMMY ONIONS:…point taken.
JOSEPH GREER: You tell him, Billy! It’s so nice to have someone out here who isn’t going to take any of Tommy’s nonsense, and…
BILLY FOWLER: And I don’t need you kissing my arse either, Joseph.
JOSEPH GREER: …point taken.
Riot considers going to the ring, but pauses on the ramp, and motions for a lackey to bring him a microphone, which they nervously do. Mic in hand, he takes a second to bask in the adulation.
Chants of “RIOT! RIOT! RIOT” echo around the arena, and he closes his eyes for a moment, taking it all in, and then motions for them to simmer down before he speaks.
ROB RIOT: It’s been a hot minute, people, but for the fifteenth time in my professional career, I am the HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!
Cheap pop. Riot grins at it.
ROB RIOT: And all it took was one decision. A decision I should have taken a long time ago. To stop worrying about how others perceive me, to stop trying to help other wrestlers make a living off the back of my name. To stop spending time in the RSW boardroom trying to make this a better place for other people. If you want something doing, do it yourself. You’ve seen this title belt disgraced by Dylan Erickson, PT Merciless, Hunter Valentyne and more. People who took it, used it, abused it, and disappeared or shrank away from the pressure. At Shadow Wars, a new reign began. And after four whole years staying away from competing for singles titles, guess what kids? Suddenly I’m dominant!
Another pop, and the chanting starts again. Riot motions for quiet.
ROB RIOT: And yet I still don’t get the correct level of respect. Folks, I just walked past the gorilla position, and I looked at the layout of tonight’s card. I’m standing here as a double champion, and I’m not even in the Main Event. For some reason, von Krauss and his acolytes think the reason you all paid your ticket money tonight is to watch a Legacy Championship match.
Boos. The audience are in the palm of his hand.
ROB RIOT: Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t like that. Never before in RSW history has one man suddenly stepped up and tied up the singles ranking titles like I have. And I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but my reward for doing so is to be disrespected and sneered at by some johnny-come-lately indie darling called Erik Black on Twitter, who seems to have misunderstood his role. Our match was never about crowning you as a champion, Black. It was about giving you exposure. Tonight, you were supposed to get in that ring, shake my hand, thank me for the opportunity to wrestle a legend, and show the world what you’ve got. Instead, you’ve outed yourself as a homophobic one line sophomore crank artist with delusions of grandeur. You made this personal. This has gone from a sparring session to a snapping session. So, using what little pull I still seem to have around here at boardroom level, I’ve made a minor adjustment.
Cheers once more from the crowd. They know what’s coming, and Riot knows it. He gives a wry smile, and nods.
ROB RIOT: Erik Black, you have earned yourself the beating of a lifetime, so welcome to the big time, kid. Tonight, you’re going one on one with me, for the Anarchy Championship, in the main event!
”RIOT! RIOT! RIOT!” – they’re at it again. Riot paces the stage. He’s in his element.
TOMMY ONIONS: Can he do that?
BILLY FOWLER: Nobody’s going to try to stop him. I think he knows that.
JOSEPH GREER: I think this new title reign may have gone to Rob’s head.
TOMMY ONIONS: Are you going to tell him that?
JOSEPH GREER: Nope.
BILLY FOWLER: Well all of this is going out live, so you just kind of did….
ROB RIOT: And now for the serious part…
He beckons a camera to come closer to him as he unclasps the RSW World Heavyweight Championship, throwing it over his other shoulder. Clad with gold, backlit by the RSW stage, he makes quite the imposing silhouette. It’s like 2013 in nGw all over again. He looks straight down the camera lens and delivers a message intended for one recipient, and one recipient only.
ROB RIOT: Sammy. Segomo. Whatever you believe yourself to be called. You broke cover. You came to put me down. You failed. Whatever you’ve been taught for all these years – whatever lies you believe about me – I know one thing. The Order does not tolerate failure. You weren’t kept in that basement and beaten black and blue to step out into the real world and fail at the one task you were ever given. I’m still standing. Not only am I still standing, I’m even stronger than I was when you came to take your swing. If your mission in life – your one true mission – is to strike your old man down and settle whatever score Garmr or your mother have told you has to be settled – then it ain’t debriefing time yet, son. If you want to hear the truth, I’ll give it to you. If you want to beat me down on the back of a lie, then come and give it a try. I broke your mentor. You have every reason to be angry with me, Sammy, but not for the reasons you think. Not because I drove your mother away. You should be angry because I allowed you to be raised by that harridan witch who poisoned your mind, and I don’t know where she is, son – I don’t know whether she’s part of this or not – but I promise you this. There is only one truth. This is mine. Come and bring me yours. I’m waiting.
There’s a sort of ‘oooh’, and polite applause from the crowd for that. Knowledge of what Riot’s actually talking about varies among these fans.
TOMMY ONIONS: I feel like I need a wallchart for this stuff about Riot and his son.
BILLY FOWLER: Riot had a son, and a fiance. The fiance ran away with the son. Riot went crazy. The son ended up being trained to fight by Garmr, initiated into a weird cult, broke cover nearly a year ago, beat the shit out of Riot and then disappeared again. What’s so hard to follow.
JOSEPH GREER: To be fair to Onions, Billy, pretty much all of that is hard to follow.
On the ramp, Riot has waved off the camera, and gone back to addressing the crowd.
ROB RIOT: Two more things. One, Shane Mitchell, I know you’ll be looking for your rematch, and we’ve got AnarChristmas around the corner. So do the right thing, get the paperwork filed, and I’ll see you in a couple of months time. In fact, I’m looking forward to it. Rob Riot and Shane Mitchell, one on one for the big title. It might even be the last big money match left in wrestling. And as for you, Erik Black….
Riot pauses to allow the inevitable boos to ring out.
ROB RIOT: A couple of hours from now, you’re going to be stood in that ring, goosepimples on your skin, arsehole twitching like a rabbit’s nose, and listening to Bob Mooney saying the words that every professional wrestler in the world has nightmares about:- “AND HIS OPPONENT, FROM BLACKPOOL ENGLAND, WEIGHING TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX POUNDS, THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…..”
Riot holds his mic up for the crowd to do their part, which they do with gusto. There’s a huge shout of “ROB RIOT!”
ROB RIOT:….and at that point, you’ll finally find out who this old man really is.
Riot drops the mic as “I Feel You” plays again.
JOSEPH GREER: Well, there it is! Rob Riot’s in a fighting mood, and it’s time to get things started. I’m pumped!
BILLY FOWLER: I’m hyped!
TOMMY ONIONS: I have achieved a semi!
There’s an audible sigh as RSW goes to commercial.
