In KNEE-d of a break. | Killa Kai | EOD #5
Oct 14, 2018 17:55:22 GMT -5
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Post by The King on Oct 14, 2018 17:55:22 GMT -5
We see Killa Kai backstage after his tremendous victory against Goldbear II - he looks distraught and upset, disappointed almost. He doesn't look all there - as though he's just been mauled by a bear; oh wait, he has - my bad.
Lawyer: You did it!
Killa Kai: I did?
Lawyer: Yeah! You beat the bear, no?
Out of anger, Kai slams his fists into the wall.
Killa Kai: But I didn't kill him? I thought that was my goal - I hyped it up so much; you were gonna save me from prosecution and become the greatest lawyer in all of New York, I was going to rid the XHF of this bear and we would all have lived happily ever after. Except that hasn't happened, has it? I was cut off straight away; just when I was ready to grab the gun and shoot, Feargal fuckin' Nukebuster, the special twat, cut me off in a backstage vignette! I'm livid, Bob!
The lawyer looks a little taken back.
Lawyer: I think you're over-looking it-.
Killa Kai: I'm not over-looking anything, Bob! I made a vow and I haven't fulfilled it - some day I'll kill that bear, mark my fuckin' words!
Lawyer: You've beaten him, Kai! What more is there to ask for?! It's not like you got him counted out or disqualified either - you pinned him! You're the first guy to ever do that!
Killa Kai: I didn't want to beat him I wanted to kill hi- I AM?!
Kai's eyes have widened.
Lawyer: Yes Kai, you're the first person to ever do so!
A little sadistic smile creeps across the Killa's face.
Killa Kai: Oh man, add that to the list of achievements!
The lawyer smiles aswell.
Lawyer: See, you did kill him in a sense - you killed the un-pinned streak - and in turn you kept your own un-pinned, un-submitted streak alive!
Killa Kai: Okay that's pretty cool - but I wanted to rip the guts out of his lifeless carcass and feed on them for dinner, I wanted to shove my hand into that bullet wound and snack on his liver! I WAS HUNGRY FOR BEAR, BOB!
Kai's sadistic smile has turned into full-blown madness.
Lawyer: Right I'm a little creeped out now, I'm gonna leave.
Bob turns away as if to leave, but Kai grabs his arm.
Killa Kai: No please stay - I need to tell you how I'm going to beat JFK.
The lawyer is dumbfounded.
Lawyer: What? Why do I need to know?
Kai looks dumbfounded at the response.
Killa Kai: Because you ask the questions - you're like the internal voice that makes me think about my opponent's true meaning; the voice that annoys the shit out of me, but is useful in the long run.
The lawyer is perplexed.
Lawyer: Wow thanks - I don't know whether to be offended or grateful.
Killa Kai: Neither, just stand there and look pretty.
Lawyer: Why, because I don't normally?
Killa Kai: Let's be real, Bob - you're fuckin' hideous.
Lawyer: Right then.
Kai turns to face the camera - staring right into it.
Killa Kai: Where was I? Ah yes! JFK! 'The One'! The former XHF and nCw great out of retirement - that's all I could find about you, there's not enough tapes on the XHF Network's library to cover your history - all I had to go by was your bio on the website, and that in itself was rather tame; seemingly the only thing going for you is that you're MGK's older brother? Now that's b-a-a-a-a-d.
Lawyer: I thought you were meant to be this big XHF fan? Talk about falling behind on character development...
Kai snaps back.
Killa Kai: I must have stopped watching when this guy was around, Bob! Don't question my knowledge or character integrity!
Lawyer: Sorry...
He snaps again.
Killa Kai: No! Sorry isn't going to cut it. No-one judges my continuity and gets away with it!
Lawyer: Right.
He turns to face forward again, takes a deep breath, and carries on.
Killa Kai: Now you'll be pleased to know, I've sent Bob on a mission to scout JFK's background. So-
Lawyer: You have?
Killa Kai: Shut-up Bob, I'm cutting a promo!
Lawyer: Sorry...
Kai lashes out with his voice.
Killa Kai: STOP APOLOGIZING!
Bob puts his hands up in defense.
Lawyer: Sorry!
Kai shakes his head and faces forward again.
Killa Kai: For the time being, and while I wait for more information to arrive -
Kai silently glares at the lawyer.
Killa Kai: - I'm going to compare our move-sets!
He turns and smiles.
Killa Kai: Now, your finisher is a brain buster to the knee, called the Final Nail? Hmmm, interesting...
Kai rubs his chin.
Killa Kai: ...Now let's take a look at your 'trademark' moves as you've put them - the 'Third Nail'? What was that again? Ah yes, a running bicycle knee or a V-Trigger; both knee moves! Then you have another move called the#Knee2Chin... Hmmm, I wonder what this move is...
...To make things worse - the rest of your bio's move-set literally said lots of knee strikes.
He yawns.
Killa Kai: Man this is getting boring now.
The lawyer speaks up.
Lawyer: You do realize he's versed in Military style Jiu-jitsu and Judo throws, and claims to have the best knee strikes in the world and to be one of the greatest strikers to ever live, right? If I had knees like him I'd use them all night long!
Killa Kai: Come off it Bob, you'll never go all night - your wife tells me you're a one pump chump.
Bob's jaw drops.
Lawyer: I AM NOT!
Killa Kai: Sorry, two stroke bloke.
Lawyer: HEY, TAKE THAT BACK!
Killa Kai: See now I know your weakness - people pointing out your ability in bed; just like how I know JFK's strength, and soon to be weakness - his knees. BOOM, what a segway from the Killa, Kai!
Kai motions a zooming effect with his hand; a complimentary whooshing sound to go along with it - as though a segway.
Lawyer: ...
Killa Kai: See if I aim for his knees and damage them so much that it's hard for him to even walk - he won't be able to do any damage to me! I'm a genius, Bob!
Lawyer: But, what if he discovers your weakness?
Killa Kai: I- I do- don't have any weaknesses! I'm near invincible - my move-set is a vast combination of attributes and very versatile to say the least.
Lawyer: All of your main moves bar one require some sort of jumping motion - he'll just take out the legs-
Killa Kai: SHUT-UP BOB! NOT RIGHT NOW MAN!
Lawyer: Woah, sorry.
Killa Kai: I swear if you say sorry one more time...
Lawyer: ...sorry.
Killa Kai: RIGHT THEN.
Kai, nineteen years of age and having just beaten a bear, chases after the running lawyer Bob Dinky, 47 years of age with a bad track record in lawyer-ing, down the hall.
...I guess we're to be continued?