Not the ones (EoD Tag Match RP)

[Venom 🕷]

A year ago I was preparing for war. I came back and was put in a match with two of the biggest stars of XHF history, and a pig. Then I was on a mission to bring back the glory to this company. I wanted to help change this company from the circus side show that it had become with a pig as the champion that represents it. A year later I look at the landscape of the company and I have helped it succeed.


Venom and James Mueller sit in a coffee shop. As we’ve seen in the last year they like to spend time at the coffee shops. Do they like coffee? Do they like the atmosphere? Or are they just stealing wifi? Most likely just enjoying the free wifi. They sit in the corner away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the shop huddled around a single laptop.


“God these guys are annoying.”


“Yeah, I know. Do you think we were this annoying when we were on top?”


“We’re probably still this annoying.”


“Nah, no way.”


“We cut our promos while a bear is laying near us with his dong hanging out.”


On cue, Goldbear II stands up behind them and his giant dong flops over the back of the booth they are sitting in.


“You’re the one who freed the bear from captivity.”


“Two things, one, you helped me, two, he used to wear clothes.”


“Yeah, I thought now that he was out of the zoo he should be more natural.”


“I’m sure he enjoys the more natural look, but does always having a bear dong in our promos make us as annoying as the rest of this new version of the XHF?”


Mueller shrugs.


Some people say I continued the problem when I brought a bear to a pig fight. They say I continued the circus lifestyle by bringing the bear around, but there’s a difference between a pig and a bear. One is physically intimidating and can overpower a man, and the other is breakfast food.


But maybe in that way I didn’t help. Maybe in that way the people are right. Maybe I did help keep some of the circus lifestyle around.


But at the same time I helped this place gain the notoriety it once had by encouraging Rob Arnold who came back and did what I failed to do, win the X*Crown and bring back prestige to the title. I appeared on shows for GXW, AWF, AXW and even SSS to help bring up the ratings with my star power. I created my own company from scratch, ran it out of my own gym, used all of my own funds, and entertained the people of the world helping bring viewers to the XHF Network.


This place isn’t what is has become without me.


James Mueller elbows his partner and points at the screen.


“Look Bobby cut enough promo for his tournament match. Let’s watch that.”


“Nah, I’m tired of looking at his smug face. He looks like he’s one of those ‘cool single guys’ who wants to be like the hip kids.”


“What makes you say that?”


“His general smugness and this video of him doing the floss that keeps running around the internet.” (Sorry Bobby I had to.)


“That…That had to be a dare or something right?”


“I hope so. So what do we do now?”


“What do you mean?”


“What’s out next adventure? What do you have planned? When we have a match you usually have something for us to do. We launched a rocket, raised Goldbe…”


“Don’t say his name.”


“Fine. We raised your uncle from the grave, last week we trained Goldbear II in a wax museum. What now?”


“I dunno.”


Mueller shrugs.


What did I do most for this company in the last year, though? Well it should be clear, I revitalized something that had been an afterthought in the Network and brought back the tag division.


I brought my partner back and we travelled the world together taking on all comers. We fought XHF legends. We fought teams made up of members of all wrestlers from different federations. We defended on Gun Shows and global pay per views. We even fought on different continents.


When I brought these titles back with James, the tag division was just a handful of teams, and now a year later there is a separate tournament to determine who the next number one contender to the tag team titles will be. There are teams from different federations and teams compromised of people from different federations fighting for the right at a shot at the belts I brought back. I revitalized this division.


Venom looks at his partner with a look of shock on his face.


“How? How is it possible that you don’t have a plan?”


“Dunno.”


“Don’t you dunno me. I have to cut a promo for this match and I need for us to do something crazy that doesn’t involve giant bear penis.”


“That’s a problem because all of my ideas involve bear penis.”


“Well… You’ve got me there, but maybe something that doesn’t revolve around giant bear penis.”


“Have you seen the size of that thing?”


Mueller says while pointing at the bear dong over his shoulder on the back of the booth.


“It’s so big I don’t know how everything doesn’t revolve around it.”


“Yeah, yeah, but come on man. Lets go beat down Mongo’s door and threaten to kill him, run Nelly’s underwear up a flag pole, or go to Jack Diamond’s casino and cheat at black jack.”


“Those are all quality ideas, but everything just seems so, meh. After running from an undead man who thinks he’s a bear nothing just seems to stand up.”


“Well we’ve gotta do something.”


“What if we did just do something?”


Both Venom and Mueller look into the camera.


I’ve accomplished a lot in the past year. Now my second End of Days since the return of the Network will be the culmination of my year. I will walk to that ring with my best friend like I have done every month since the last End of Days. I will step into that ring with my best friend like I have done every month since the last End of Days. I will then leave the ring victorious with my best friend like I have every month since the last End of Days.

You may think you can stop me Bobby and Jack. You think you may be the ones to finally end the year long reign of the Guns, but just remember, you weren’t the first ones to think that. Hell, you aren’t even the first members of your little group the Icons to think that. Ask your buddy Mav what happens when you think you have what it takes to stop my run. If he can’t give you the answers you want then walk over to the locker room of your long time rival Danny Ray and ask him about what it takes to end my run.

You two may be the more accomplished singles competitors out of everyone we’ve vanquished. You may even be the best team overall that we’ve taken on. You may be a lot of things, but all that matters is the one thing you’re not, and that’s the one that stops us.