Post by The Nihilists on Oct 19, 2018 21:35:37 GMT -5
~The XHF Network feed again crackles to static and then to a black screen. We see the screen slowly fade to life showing black and white footage, what appears to be security footage. We soon realize this is footage from the other night when we see the Borgs landing on the island. We are looking at Alcatraz Island, the site of Lockdown. The footage moves as we apparently are on a swiveling camera looking over the main yard with no sound and black and white footage. It’s understandably old. The footage flickers and changes to later that evening. We see the Borgs beginning to build the brick walls for use in the brick house match. The video feed cuts to black again and then fades in on Friday evening, now, it’s not black and white but it’s just past sunset so shadows are everywhere – as per usual for our emissaries of emptiness. We see both men standing on the San Francisco side of the Golden Gate Bridge overlooking the island with a laptop playing the feed we just saw.~
”The frivolities of existence. How quaint and amusing. I must admit we may have been wrong about these Borgs. They may just be the real deal. They plan, they strategize, and they make use of what is around them. Look, they even seem to have real camaraderie. Perhaps we need to rethink our previous insistence that they were skilled wrestlers but jokes of people. Perhaps we should look at them in a slightly different light. Yes Gebin we may have been too hasty to judge them the other night. We called them out as phonies, fakes, frauds … charlatans. They insist on calling themselves beings from the future. Oh sorry … AFTERWARD. I … don’t frankly see the reason for the clarification on their part, but hey, home is what you make of it, after all; is it not? They clearly believe they are from the future. They seem to believe they have technology too advanced for us. And if we pay attention, so do the trons. Oh sure most of the gimmickry we see is clearly explainable with camera tricks and modern technology. But the two teams share a consistent story that they adhere to and there IS one piece of tech that is troublesome to explain. The six-shooter that fires random objects. Rack our brains as we might, we have no clear explanation for it. Sure we have never been present in the arena when it was fired so maybe it is all camera tricks for the audience and the in arena crowd just sees him shoot darts or metal balls.”
”That would be most inauspicious for us then Esmur as they are supposedly using some futuristic goop to build those walls. If they turn out to be for real then that would make it near impossible for us to win the match.”
”It only seems as such my friend. There is more than one way to win a match and we have never been the type to play to expectations or resort to brute forcing our wins. We are not undefeated against a whole host of tag teams and singles champions for no reason after all. And while they may show some rudimentary teamwork and strategy, as we have seen in their matches it all breaks down like an Acme product in a Chuck Jones cartoon. They win their matches in the end with a mix of surprising agility from a man in a beetle costume and a surprising power from a man shorter than us wearing a disco zoot suit. The gimmick itself provides them with a shock and awe factor that is hard to overcome unless you buy into it like the trons or you scout your opponents like any good team, like us, does.”
”I still respect the resourcefulness. Credit where it is due, for a team that doesn’t exist … they sure do some impressive things.”
~He looks at the camera as if hearing the sounds of millions of network viewers gasp in unison. Did he just say they don’t exist? ~
”The comments section on this video on demand will be exploding right about now. Let me clarify for all you keyboard warriors, all you Nukebusters out there. I did not say fakes. I did not say they were a gimmick as we may have incorrectly assumed in our last promo. See, time, as we mentioned last time, is a tricky concept. It is a construct we use to judge accomplishment and motion, to make sense of the universe. It is a fundamental force intimately entwined with the concept of space through the existence of mass. But more to the point, even time has some rules that it follows. One of those is that the only time something can exist in multiple states at the same time is if it exists on the quantum level. These three men clearly do not. They are as human as you or I … and a robotic bear. Have we checked with legal on the OSHA regulations for that thing? Regardless, the point is that IF we assume the Borgs truly are from a future, as THEY describe it … then there is a fifty-fifty shot they do not exist. It’s an impossibility. Time simply does not operate in that way. And as men who consistently look into the future … for a very different reason … we feel it is an educational opportunity. And if the Borgs happen to pop out of existence? Well that would be a winning strategy for taking out a nine foot robotic bear and seemingly unbreakable brick walls now wouldn’t it? And the mere thought of feeding these three souls … two souls … do robots have souls? The mere thought of feeding these three beings to the void in a way that immediately produces a profound state of … non-existence … it sends shivers down our spines and tingles in our fingers.”
”This gets complicated so … do try to keep up. We refuse to talk down to you as if you are all ignorant but we know that some people … just are. One fourth of our possible finals opponents clearly proves that. What do we know about the Borgs from their own mouths and the mouths of their arch rivals the trons? Well we have a history of going back into the network recordings and finding out all about our opponents but … time dictates accomplishments and we could only go so far back as this recent relaunch of the network after all. The Borgs are trapped in this timeline due to a catastrophic explosion of their combination time machine and doomsday device. Why were they here? To assure THEIR version of the future comes to pass. They were here to INFLUENCE the timestream to direct it down a divergent path. This means we can assume, if they are all truthful and for real, that the trons come from the true timeline, the good pathway. They supposedly assured this happened when they prevented Nelly Angel from suffering a horrible fate … that is to this day unknown. How an interviewer can mean so much is a question for another day. The point being, that the timeline we stand here and pontificate from is supposedly the tron timeline.”
~Gebin puts his hand on his chin and strokes his … mask …~
”But, then since the future pathway we are on leads to the trons … where do the Borgs even come from? They have both made it abundantly clear that they do not exist in the tron timeline. And the trons do not exist in theirs. The trons return to the past to prevent an event from causing a change in the natural timeline. Meaning Nelly’s fate must have been a result of the Borg’s interfering. Which is how the Trons can come back and prevent it. But … here’s the problem. If the event happened and caused the Borg timeline … how are there any trons to come back and prevent it? And to further reduce it beyond that. If there is no Borg in the future to know about the divergent timeline and hence have a reason to try and cause it … why is there a need for the trons at all? The Borgs … don’t … exist. There is no scenario where the Borgs and Trons can both coexist at the same time, with knowledge of the other and knowledge of how to cause or prevent the flow of time from shifting. And if there WAS … shouldn’t the Borgs have blinked out of existence the minute their timeline was prevented since we know the event that precipitated it and we know it no longer happens. Lazor Tron’s sacrifice should have wiped the Borgs away. And yet … we have a gargoyle chef, a beetle man, a disco man in a felt head, and a robot bear here plugging away … seemingly after the GUNS and the Tag gold instead of the trons, a way home, Nelly Angel, etc.”
”My brain hurts. My mind is blown. Our version of the future is so much simpler … of course both of their supposed futures end up in the far future being ours anyway so … in the end who really has the last laugh? Nobody. Because at that time, we like the Borgs will all cease to exist and be unified in the glory of the great abyss. I love a happy … I love an ending.”
~Now Esmur puts his hand on his chin and strokes his … also mask~
”I know we said there was no scenario where the Borgs and Trons can coexist and both return to this same era but … we have overlooked that other fifty percent in that fifty-fifty proposition we made earlier. And I’m sure the educated physicists and … Pokémon and Dragon Ball fans out there … so Kira Izumi I can only surmise ... are screaming at the streaming device. To put it bluntly, it is called the Many Worlds Theory. And it is the bane of every Mario, Zelda, DBZ and Pokémon fan for making their favorite frivolity more complicated. You may know it as parallel universes. So if we hold that parallel universes are a thing, it becomes possible for Evil-Borg and Lazor-Tron to both found their own armies in their own idyllic worlds at the same time without ever meeting each other. If they somehow saw that the other universe existed then it leads to a possibility of conflict and the spawning of the idea for the Borgs to return to the past to erase the trons from existence. The trons then would be able to see this and send their own envoy to the past to stop this tampering from happening.”
”But Esmur that leads to another HUGE problem for the two teams. Neither team can ever succeed. The Borgs exist in their world without the influence of themselves on the past. Somehow, enough things have changed to drive time down that path. Maybe Nelly trips into a pit of man-eating anteaters or something and boom, dystopia. But the fact remains that the Borgs did not need to go into the past to assure their own survival. For if they did it means they ALWAYS did that and beat the trons … who don’t exist … so … plot hole. Meanwhile the trons have NEVER had to go into the past to make sure THEY exist. They only came to the past to prevent the Borgs from CHANGING history. But they had to exist in the first place. So … what gives? Well Many Worlds Theory would tell them that this world they all exist in together is an entirely different universe. One with no effect on their own. The Borgs could lose over and over, give up, resign themselves to nonexistence (a path we highly recommend since it is going to happen anyway), and find a way back to their own time. Except they would find it exactly as they left it, barren, evil, and as miserable as ever. I guess it’s a happy ending? Yay you succeeded? But … not really since even if you had ACTUALLY succeeded there’d be no change in the trons universe. That’s right the trons could fail. Nelly could appear at our match, get killed by the robot bear trying to attack us (and failing because we are too fast for it) and ruin the trons’ time here. But they would go back to their timeline and find it exactly the same. Nelly would be alive and well and they would have their … is their world really a utopia? We’ve barely heard anything about it except that Mongo rules.”
”Another topic for another day my friend. The point is … there are two options concerning the existence of our opponents this Sunday. In one scenario they never existed in the first place. And to be fair, that would be envious. They’ve already reached the goal, the end point. The void has called them and they responded by leaping into it full stop. And as a side effect, we don’t have to destroy what’s left of your bones by sending you through a brick wall. A true win-win for everybody.”
”Alternatively … you three stand here in Alcatraz, trapped in our time, in our world, in a metaphorical and… quite literal … prison. There is no success for you. There is no reason to continue. You cannot influence the trons or your own time line. There is no way you can fail but … no way to succeed. Only to toil on in perpetuity trying to affect the great void with nothing to show for it. As a fly trying to move the empire state building. You struggle and fight only to find out that everything was pointless. You wasted your entire pathetic existence. And in the end win or lose … you still come face to face with the all-consuming darkness. Good, evil … these words have no power or sway on the abyss. It consumes all with no prejudice. It is undefeated and so shall remain. SO ask yourselves what really is the point of trying to beat two men who fight with that end point in mind? Two men who are the messengers for the nothingness? What it comes right down to Borgs … is that you are more than ANY other team we have ever faced … the closest to the void. You are on the rain-slicked precipice of that all-consuming pit. And we are the ones to give you that hearty shove. And in the end? You will thank us. As will everyone. For in embracing our message you make the end so much easier on yourselves. You remove a weight from your mind and free yourself to live the rest of the time you have to its fullest. But then … what do you both really know … about time?”
~They close the laptop and head down to an official looking XHF ferry where they load up a bag of provisions to get them through a few days on Alcatraz and we fade out as they board.~
”The frivolities of existence. How quaint and amusing. I must admit we may have been wrong about these Borgs. They may just be the real deal. They plan, they strategize, and they make use of what is around them. Look, they even seem to have real camaraderie. Perhaps we need to rethink our previous insistence that they were skilled wrestlers but jokes of people. Perhaps we should look at them in a slightly different light. Yes Gebin we may have been too hasty to judge them the other night. We called them out as phonies, fakes, frauds … charlatans. They insist on calling themselves beings from the future. Oh sorry … AFTERWARD. I … don’t frankly see the reason for the clarification on their part, but hey, home is what you make of it, after all; is it not? They clearly believe they are from the future. They seem to believe they have technology too advanced for us. And if we pay attention, so do the trons. Oh sure most of the gimmickry we see is clearly explainable with camera tricks and modern technology. But the two teams share a consistent story that they adhere to and there IS one piece of tech that is troublesome to explain. The six-shooter that fires random objects. Rack our brains as we might, we have no clear explanation for it. Sure we have never been present in the arena when it was fired so maybe it is all camera tricks for the audience and the in arena crowd just sees him shoot darts or metal balls.”
”That would be most inauspicious for us then Esmur as they are supposedly using some futuristic goop to build those walls. If they turn out to be for real then that would make it near impossible for us to win the match.”
”It only seems as such my friend. There is more than one way to win a match and we have never been the type to play to expectations or resort to brute forcing our wins. We are not undefeated against a whole host of tag teams and singles champions for no reason after all. And while they may show some rudimentary teamwork and strategy, as we have seen in their matches it all breaks down like an Acme product in a Chuck Jones cartoon. They win their matches in the end with a mix of surprising agility from a man in a beetle costume and a surprising power from a man shorter than us wearing a disco zoot suit. The gimmick itself provides them with a shock and awe factor that is hard to overcome unless you buy into it like the trons or you scout your opponents like any good team, like us, does.”
”I still respect the resourcefulness. Credit where it is due, for a team that doesn’t exist … they sure do some impressive things.”
~He looks at the camera as if hearing the sounds of millions of network viewers gasp in unison. Did he just say they don’t exist? ~
”The comments section on this video on demand will be exploding right about now. Let me clarify for all you keyboard warriors, all you Nukebusters out there. I did not say fakes. I did not say they were a gimmick as we may have incorrectly assumed in our last promo. See, time, as we mentioned last time, is a tricky concept. It is a construct we use to judge accomplishment and motion, to make sense of the universe. It is a fundamental force intimately entwined with the concept of space through the existence of mass. But more to the point, even time has some rules that it follows. One of those is that the only time something can exist in multiple states at the same time is if it exists on the quantum level. These three men clearly do not. They are as human as you or I … and a robotic bear. Have we checked with legal on the OSHA regulations for that thing? Regardless, the point is that IF we assume the Borgs truly are from a future, as THEY describe it … then there is a fifty-fifty shot they do not exist. It’s an impossibility. Time simply does not operate in that way. And as men who consistently look into the future … for a very different reason … we feel it is an educational opportunity. And if the Borgs happen to pop out of existence? Well that would be a winning strategy for taking out a nine foot robotic bear and seemingly unbreakable brick walls now wouldn’t it? And the mere thought of feeding these three souls … two souls … do robots have souls? The mere thought of feeding these three beings to the void in a way that immediately produces a profound state of … non-existence … it sends shivers down our spines and tingles in our fingers.”
”This gets complicated so … do try to keep up. We refuse to talk down to you as if you are all ignorant but we know that some people … just are. One fourth of our possible finals opponents clearly proves that. What do we know about the Borgs from their own mouths and the mouths of their arch rivals the trons? Well we have a history of going back into the network recordings and finding out all about our opponents but … time dictates accomplishments and we could only go so far back as this recent relaunch of the network after all. The Borgs are trapped in this timeline due to a catastrophic explosion of their combination time machine and doomsday device. Why were they here? To assure THEIR version of the future comes to pass. They were here to INFLUENCE the timestream to direct it down a divergent path. This means we can assume, if they are all truthful and for real, that the trons come from the true timeline, the good pathway. They supposedly assured this happened when they prevented Nelly Angel from suffering a horrible fate … that is to this day unknown. How an interviewer can mean so much is a question for another day. The point being, that the timeline we stand here and pontificate from is supposedly the tron timeline.”
~Gebin puts his hand on his chin and strokes his … mask …~
”But, then since the future pathway we are on leads to the trons … where do the Borgs even come from? They have both made it abundantly clear that they do not exist in the tron timeline. And the trons do not exist in theirs. The trons return to the past to prevent an event from causing a change in the natural timeline. Meaning Nelly’s fate must have been a result of the Borg’s interfering. Which is how the Trons can come back and prevent it. But … here’s the problem. If the event happened and caused the Borg timeline … how are there any trons to come back and prevent it? And to further reduce it beyond that. If there is no Borg in the future to know about the divergent timeline and hence have a reason to try and cause it … why is there a need for the trons at all? The Borgs … don’t … exist. There is no scenario where the Borgs and Trons can both coexist at the same time, with knowledge of the other and knowledge of how to cause or prevent the flow of time from shifting. And if there WAS … shouldn’t the Borgs have blinked out of existence the minute their timeline was prevented since we know the event that precipitated it and we know it no longer happens. Lazor Tron’s sacrifice should have wiped the Borgs away. And yet … we have a gargoyle chef, a beetle man, a disco man in a felt head, and a robot bear here plugging away … seemingly after the GUNS and the Tag gold instead of the trons, a way home, Nelly Angel, etc.”
”My brain hurts. My mind is blown. Our version of the future is so much simpler … of course both of their supposed futures end up in the far future being ours anyway so … in the end who really has the last laugh? Nobody. Because at that time, we like the Borgs will all cease to exist and be unified in the glory of the great abyss. I love a happy … I love an ending.”
~Now Esmur puts his hand on his chin and strokes his … also mask~
”I know we said there was no scenario where the Borgs and Trons can coexist and both return to this same era but … we have overlooked that other fifty percent in that fifty-fifty proposition we made earlier. And I’m sure the educated physicists and … Pokémon and Dragon Ball fans out there … so Kira Izumi I can only surmise ... are screaming at the streaming device. To put it bluntly, it is called the Many Worlds Theory. And it is the bane of every Mario, Zelda, DBZ and Pokémon fan for making their favorite frivolity more complicated. You may know it as parallel universes. So if we hold that parallel universes are a thing, it becomes possible for Evil-Borg and Lazor-Tron to both found their own armies in their own idyllic worlds at the same time without ever meeting each other. If they somehow saw that the other universe existed then it leads to a possibility of conflict and the spawning of the idea for the Borgs to return to the past to erase the trons from existence. The trons then would be able to see this and send their own envoy to the past to stop this tampering from happening.”
”But Esmur that leads to another HUGE problem for the two teams. Neither team can ever succeed. The Borgs exist in their world without the influence of themselves on the past. Somehow, enough things have changed to drive time down that path. Maybe Nelly trips into a pit of man-eating anteaters or something and boom, dystopia. But the fact remains that the Borgs did not need to go into the past to assure their own survival. For if they did it means they ALWAYS did that and beat the trons … who don’t exist … so … plot hole. Meanwhile the trons have NEVER had to go into the past to make sure THEY exist. They only came to the past to prevent the Borgs from CHANGING history. But they had to exist in the first place. So … what gives? Well Many Worlds Theory would tell them that this world they all exist in together is an entirely different universe. One with no effect on their own. The Borgs could lose over and over, give up, resign themselves to nonexistence (a path we highly recommend since it is going to happen anyway), and find a way back to their own time. Except they would find it exactly as they left it, barren, evil, and as miserable as ever. I guess it’s a happy ending? Yay you succeeded? But … not really since even if you had ACTUALLY succeeded there’d be no change in the trons universe. That’s right the trons could fail. Nelly could appear at our match, get killed by the robot bear trying to attack us (and failing because we are too fast for it) and ruin the trons’ time here. But they would go back to their timeline and find it exactly the same. Nelly would be alive and well and they would have their … is their world really a utopia? We’ve barely heard anything about it except that Mongo rules.”
”Another topic for another day my friend. The point is … there are two options concerning the existence of our opponents this Sunday. In one scenario they never existed in the first place. And to be fair, that would be envious. They’ve already reached the goal, the end point. The void has called them and they responded by leaping into it full stop. And as a side effect, we don’t have to destroy what’s left of your bones by sending you through a brick wall. A true win-win for everybody.”
”Alternatively … you three stand here in Alcatraz, trapped in our time, in our world, in a metaphorical and… quite literal … prison. There is no success for you. There is no reason to continue. You cannot influence the trons or your own time line. There is no way you can fail but … no way to succeed. Only to toil on in perpetuity trying to affect the great void with nothing to show for it. As a fly trying to move the empire state building. You struggle and fight only to find out that everything was pointless. You wasted your entire pathetic existence. And in the end win or lose … you still come face to face with the all-consuming darkness. Good, evil … these words have no power or sway on the abyss. It consumes all with no prejudice. It is undefeated and so shall remain. SO ask yourselves what really is the point of trying to beat two men who fight with that end point in mind? Two men who are the messengers for the nothingness? What it comes right down to Borgs … is that you are more than ANY other team we have ever faced … the closest to the void. You are on the rain-slicked precipice of that all-consuming pit. And we are the ones to give you that hearty shove. And in the end? You will thank us. As will everyone. For in embracing our message you make the end so much easier on yourselves. You remove a weight from your mind and free yourself to live the rest of the time you have to its fullest. But then … what do you both really know … about time?”
~They close the laptop and head down to an official looking XHF ferry where they load up a bag of provisions to get them through a few days on Alcatraz and we fade out as they board.~
