Feargal HQ! Season 1: Episode 7: Lightning Strike!
Oct 24, 2018 10:38:39 GMT -5
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Post by The King on Oct 24, 2018 10:38:39 GMT -5
...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
...LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR...
...STRAIGHT FROM MOMMA GAIL'S BASEMENT...
...
...STARRING...
MOMMA GAIL: DEFINITELY NOT BONKING UNCLE ROGAN!
UNCLE ROGAN: DEFINITELY BONKING MOMMA GAIL!
FEARGAL: THE ALMIGHTY LEGEND HIMSELF!
...AND NO SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES THIS TIME...
...LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR...
...STRAIGHT FROM MOMMA GAIL'S BASEMENT...
...
...STARRING...
MOMMA GAIL: DEFINITELY NOT BONKING UNCLE ROGAN!
UNCLE ROGAN: DEFINITELY BONKING MOMMA GAIL!
FEARGAL: THE ALMIGHTY LEGEND HIMSELF!
...AND NO SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES THIS TIME...
Madonna - Like a prayer plays in the background as the lights to Feargal's basement light up and the crowd applause like thousands of dead souls added to the laughing track of a dead sitcom. We see Feargal, sitting at his desk, tapping away quickly, probably talking to those pesky internet freaks and sending those memes to his anonymous friends. He slowly turns his head to look at the camera, and smiles with his yellowish teeth, the crowd cheer once more.
: Oh thorry! You caught me at jutht the wrong time!The crowd erupt like Jackson Steele's penis on Viagra; Feargal rises to his feet and walks on over to the kettle, boiling some hot water for a cup of tea. Last time we saw him he became the #1 contender to the AWF Midwestern title - alongside scary boi, Roy Harlowe. He pulls out a Disneyland themed cup, having just gone there this weekend with Kim and his family. He pours the milk in the cup first, then the hot water. He gives that a little stir with a massive spoon, before adding four spoonfuls of sugar and finally the teabag. He doesn't take it out though, he drinks it, teabag and all.
: Mmmmm, I love me thome tea.Suddenly Uncle Hogan comes storming in. He charges straight over to Feargal and smacks the Disneyland cup out of his hand, the over-priced mug smashing into thousands of tiny shards on the basement floor. He points into Feargal's chest as the Keyboard Warrior looks afraid.
: WHY AREN'T YOU TRAINING BROTHA?!Feargal puts his hands up in defense.
: I- I- I- I- I- I'm thorry Uncle Hogan!: 'SORRY' AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH BROTHA, YOU GOT A TITLE MATCH THIS SUNDAY - NOT TO MENTION A TAG TEAM MATCH WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES BROTHA! YET HERE YOU ARE, DRINKING A CUP OF TEA FROM A FUCKING DISNEYLAND CUP; THAT'S ABSOLUTELY CRAZY BROTHA BROTHA! FOCUS! SHANTY! SHANTY! YOU KNOW, FEEL YOUR INNER PEACE - I SWEAR, YOU BETTER BE AT PEACE. IF YOU'RE NOT AT PEACE THEN I'LL LEAVE YOU IN PIECES BROTHER! SHANTY! SHANTY! FEEL THE POWER OF PEACE! WHAT'S THAT... YOU DON'T FEEL IT?! SHANTY! SHANTY! FEEL THE SHANTY, SHANTY BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA!: I- I- I think ith'th you who thould calm down Uncle Hogan - I've got thith, trutht me.: Y- YEAH S- SORRY... brotha... I just really want you to win this, y'know? Like, you could be the next Midwestern Champion!: Imagine that eh, Feargal Nukebuthter - champion of the Midwest!: You're already a champ in me and your mother's hearts Feargie, whatever happens, we'll have your back.: YEAH BROTHA!: WOOOOOOOOOOOO, BROTHA!: BROTHA! BROTHA!: BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA!: BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA!: BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA! BROTHA!: ...: ...: BROTHA!
We see Feargal and Uncle Hogan standing in the middle of the Croke Park stadium. Feargal looks around in awe, as does Uncle Hogan. Hogan motions with his arm, pointing at all the empty seats.
: THIS SUNDAY BROTHA! THIS SUNDAY! EIGHTY THOUSAND FANS WILL BE CHANTING YOUR NAME AS YOU ALT-F5 DILLINGER AND HARLOWE BACK TO 'MERICA!: I can't believe thith ith it Uncle Hogan, we waited tho long for thith moment. Here we are, in Ireland, home of lightbulbth and a lot of 'hype'.: IT'S MAGICAL BROTHA. DO ME PROUD, SON.: I will do, Uncle Hogan.They both embrace, it's rather emotional.
Suddenly the jingle of bells and gleaming of gold erupt inside the venue. Hogan and Feargal slowly turn to see a short, fat lil' Leprechaun running towards them. Except, this isn't any normal ginger dumpling, it looks just like Feargal...
Then it clicks, it's Feargal's cousin! Fergal O' Nukebuster!
: Top o' teh mornen' teh ya laddies!He kicks Feargal in the shin, the steel capped boots crunching the bone. Feargal yelps in pain as he falls to the floor.
: HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR BROTHA?!Fergal O' Nukebuster shoves his middle fingers up at Hogan, though he's so small - meaning they only go up to Hogan's waist.
: Welcahm teh Ireland mootherfookah!He jumps ever so high and hits one hell of a stunner to Hogan, knocking him clean out on the floor.
Feargal crawls over to Uncle Hogan, holding his shin in pain, and cries for him to wake up.
: Uncle Hogan, wake up! Pleathe! For me!: Noice teh see ya agoon Feargal... But what' a bahd mistahke ya joost mahde. I told ya teh never coom back!: I th- thought you were dead! Thith ith impotthible! I watched you die in that explothion!: I'm a fookin' Leprechaun... We don't die!Fergal O' Nukebuster stops, and sadistically smiles. He reaches down and grabs Feargal by the neck.
: But 'hoomans do laddie.From his pocket, Fergal O' Nukebuster unsheathes an Irish dagger. He points it at the neck of Feargal.
: Goodboih mootherfookah!Out of nowhere Amerika by Rammstein bursts into the PA of the arena, even though no-ones around!
Fergal O' Nukebuster slowly turns around - hope wipes the tears from Feargal's eyes.
BANNGG!
Out of nowhere Curtis D. Kanyon BANGs Fergal O' Nukebuster into oblivion, absolutely squashing him into Croke Park's grounds. The camera pans up CDK's body, the music all badass. The President of the United States looks at Feargal Nukebuster, who's face is full of happiness. Feargal jumps up, back onto his feet, no-selling the injury to his shin. He runs over to the POTUS, giving him the biggest hug ever.
: THANK YOU THO MUCH CURTITH! YOU THAVED MY LIFE!
CDK just winks at Feargal, implying that he'll see him soon. A red, white and blue helicopter slowly lowers itself into the arena behind Kanyon, a dozen or so FBI agents rushing out and charging over to the president. They salute him before directing him back into the helicopter, as it takes back off. Feargal watches on in awe. What a man.
: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED, BROTHA?!Feargal instantly snaps from his dream state and back to reality, turning and looking at the semi-conscious Uncle Hogan. He rushes over to his side, making sure he's okay.
: I am tho thorry Uncle Hogan! I- I thould have told you! That wath my dithtant couthin, Fergal O' Nukebuthter!: WHY IN THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE DID HE TRY AND ATTACK US?!: Becauthe my mom never thaved him when I wath younger - he went into a goldmine looking for gold and a mathhive TNT explothion thut him inthide the cave, my mom wath there with him, ath wath I - there wath nothing we could do...: Right...: But he'th gone now, he'll probably be gone for a long time - after all, the POTUTH jutht BANGED him out of exithtence!: Curtis D. Kanyon was here brotha?!: Yeah, it wath tho cool! I withh he wath my dad!: O- Oh... R- really?: Yeah! He'th thuch a great father figure to me!Uncle Hogan lowers his head.
: Ah right brotha...
: So you're telling me, THE Curtis D. Kanyon saved you from that bastard Fergal O' Nukebuster?! That's crazy Feargie, I'm so happy for you! What a man!We see all three of them sitting at the dinner table, Uncle Hogan quietly eats his food as Feargal and Momma Gail talk about CDK.
: It wath tho badathh! There Fergal O' Nukebuthter wath, knife to my throat - AMERIKA BY RAMMTHTEIN PLAYTH IN THE PA! BANGGGGG! I WATH IN SHOCK! IT WATH THOOOOO COOOOL!: I can't believe you're teaming with him this Sunday! I'm a little jealous, teehee.Feargal and Momma Gail both laugh together.
: I'll get him to give you hith autograph mom!: Oh Feargie you're the best.She plants a kiss on his forehead before tucking back into her casserole, Feargal doing the same. After a while, she notices that Uncle Hogan is barely eating, being all quiet and almost sad.
: Hogan, what's up?: N- nothing brotha... I- I'm just, uh, not hungry brotha...: Oh come off it, you eat like twenty meals a day.: Well today I'm not that hungry!: What's the matter? Something's off isn't it?: No.: Yes is it... I know what it is, Uncle Hogan is jealous of Curtis D. Kanyon!: N- No that's not true.: Oh come off it, no need to lie to yourself.: It'th okay to be jealouth of him, he'th one hell of a man.: I'M NOT JEALOUS, BROTHA!: Yes, yes you are.: LIES!: Calm down Uncle Hogan, remember... 'thanty'... 'thanty'...: Yeah Hogan, 'shanty'... 'shanty'...: GRRRRRR!Uncle Hogan flips the table upside down and storms out of the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind him. Momma Gail and Feargal are left in silence - stunned at what they just witnessed.
: I- I thould go and check on him...: No leave him, that's what he gets for squeezing Kim K's breasts last episode.: Th- that happened?: ...no: Oh okay good, but I thould really check on him mom, I don't like to thee him upthet! Otherwithe, who elthe will help me train for my matcheth, and more importantly... MY TITLE MATCH! OH MY LORD I NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!: SHANTY! SHANTY!: I'M FATTHING THETH DILLINGER AND MY WORTHT NIGHTMARE, ROY HARLOWE MOM! THANTY WON'T WORK!: SHANTYYYYYYY! SHANTYYYYYYYY!: I NEED UNCLE HOGAN'TH HELP MOM! HE'TH GONNA HELP TRAIN ME!: You're friends with the President of the United States now, why don't you get him to help train you for the matches?!: G- GOOD IDEA MOM! B- but won't that make Uncle Hogan jealouth? After-all, Hogan hathh alwayth been there for me when I needed him mothtt. I'll feel bad about ditching him, ethpethially if he'th jealouth of THEEDK.: He doesn't have to know Feargal, train with Curtis as a secret.: But thathh mean mom, I can't do that to him.: Of course you can, I'll keep it a secret.: You would?: Cross my heart Feargie.: F- fine, I- I'll thee what I can do. With both Uncle Hogan AND Curtith D. Kanyon training me... I'll be unthtoppable! I'll be Midwetht champion in no time! Thankth mom!: Anytime, hunny bunny.
We are out on the streets of Ohio - there's a massive march going on. An anti-president march...
Hundreds of people have turned out to declare that Curtis D. Kanyon is not their president...
In the middle is a gathering of about ten people, all masked, all dangerous.
The 'leader' of the group starts talking.
: The time for Curtis D. Kanyon's reign as the President shall soon come to an end! We are the Anti! Do you stand with us?The crowd of masked men and women all cheer, the leader hushes them, he begins to whisper.
: This Sunday at the XHF's "End of Days" event in Ireland, we are launching our first attack... We shall assassinate the president!A massive gasp comes from the collective, before happy whispers and a few silent cheers are seen. The leader hushes them once more.
: However, I am banned from leaving the country for obvious reasons, I'm infamous as the leader of 'Anti'. I can not finish the job. Instead, one of you have to...He stops, letting them all take it in.
: Question is... Who?Everyone falls quiet, looking back and forth between each other - not trying to engage eye contact with the Anti leader.
Then...
A man from the shadows enters frame...
We can't see them in the light, the sun has started to gone down due to pathetic fallacy.
: I will...There's a long pause...
Then a flash of lightning...
...BROTHA