Post by ForeverKuroi on Oct 25, 2018 19:48:42 GMT -5
VVVRRRRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM
The scene fades to this:
(Except it's on a highway.)
Jeffrey Viper is on the highway, driving. His fake son, Dylan, is reluctantly sitting next to him.
Dylan: Viper, why do you have to be the one driving?
"Because I don't trust you driving, little one. You see, we are driving a Ford. More specifically, a Mustang. And the Mustang is a kind of horse. Horses are known for their vigor and in ancient times, were ridden by cowboys in order to get to saloons. They were so strong and powerful that cars are now measured by horses per minute."
Dylan: It's actually horsepower, but you actually didn't really answer my question. In fact, I didn't mention anything about mustangs.
"No, you didn't. But according to some roleplays-"
Dylan: Promos.
"Roleplays that other people have made, I must go on a long tangent about something that I didn't really talk about. You see-"
Dylan: Stop going on about it. I get it. You're imitating the Nihilists.
"I spoke about me being a Viper and The Nihilists spoke about snakes, as if that had anything to do with snakes."
Dylan: Uhhh... Jeffrey, what the fuck do you think vipers are?
Viper: VIPERS ARE A LONG AND PROUD LINEAGE OF WRESTLERS WHO TAKE ASS AND KICK NAMES! Maybe if you understood this, you wouldn't be such a bitch.
Dylan: ...
"Oh. I almost got out of character. But yes, Gibbles and Bits, you think that I was in a love relationship with Mad Dog Smith. You don't see a bromance when you see one? You think that this was sexual? I have eyes for one lady, and one lady only. Her name is Hailey Black."
"That was for the pursuit of money, Dylan. ...and bonding. I have to pay the bills somehow. But The Nihilists know a bit. They know that I am to be feared. And they know that I am the devil. I'm the wrestling devil. I mean, they said it themselves. They are not easily cowered by fear. So for them to talk about how scary I am, it must have them shaking in their little wrestling boots."
"Oh. I will win this contest alright. I mean, I'm the wrestling devil, and the Nihilists are talking about jerking snakes like it's St. Patty's day. They don't even know what's going on. They're freaks. Phonies. Rice-A-Ronie Jabronis. I'm going to bounce them like my checks when I buy balogna."
"Sure, I'm proud of the Nihilists. They did a great job when they beat WAH Machine."
Jeffrey Viper turned to Dylan.
"YES THEY DID! THEY WORKED VERY HARD!"
"They also did a great job when they fought Mecha Goldbear and Regular Goldbear or as they're better known as, The Borgs."
"They gave it their best, and there was a time when I didn't think they would win. I mean, after all, when bears come onto your front porch, be prepared to rumble. They've fought hard, and so have I. But instead of congratulating us for our victories, they simply focused on my accident. It's an accident. We all make accidents in our pants. It happens."
"Stop lying, Dylan. You did it last week."
"..."
"DUDE. WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING JUST TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!?"
"OH MY GOD! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH, DYLAN!? Anyway, I'll let Esther and Gambit run their mouths. They can say hat they want. They say I'm disgusting, impulsive and vulgar. But hey, look at it like this. WHEN YOU LOSE TO ME. And I say when, because it's going to happen. When you lose to me, you'll eat your words. Then you'll look stupid. I mean, I'm pretty sure you already look stupid and have looked stupid quite a number of times, which forced you to go to your mask anyways. But hey, on the off chance that Dylan gets in my way and causes us to lose..."
Dylan: ...
"Then all you will have done is proven yourself right. In that case, I will just have to win the rematch in the parking lot."
Dylan then rethinks what he said. Viper turns his head.
"Did you say something?"
"Good. And so the Nihilists also think that I'm not a hero. I mean, how dumb are they?"
"But I got that deal from Nike. They wouldn't have chosen me if I wasn't worthy for that honor."
"I AM A HERO! The video showed it just right too. Look at you. I spared my enemies. I conquered my flaws. I did things I regretted. I said things I regretted, which included being a spokesman for BANG. Speaking of which, Kanyon is a fucking asshole. The Nihilists don't know what heroism is. A hero is someone who exposes themselves to danger to help someone else. And that's what I did. I took a troubled kid without a father figure in his life, and I became that father figure. In that pursuit, you've assaulted men, endured really rude statements from you. But I fought through, and tried to become that father that you really missed out on."
"I know you're mad at me, son. But your real fight is against The Darkness. Use it as a weapon for when you enter the ring with these Nihilists, you will have anger on your side. You see, The Nihilists are trying to get under your skin. I know you must be used to that from me. In fact, I have a habit of getting underneath the skin of Blacks."
Viper:
Dylan: ...
"But remember something. The Nihilists go off about how they're undefeated. Guess what, bitch? SO ARE WE! We haven't lost! We won't lose! We are Team Viper, and we aren't stopping until we get those Tag Team Championship!"
"But they have the AUDACITY to talk about my video game issue like it was no big deal!"
"THEY ARE BITCHES, AND THEY MOCK MY PAIN! IF THEY WANT TO KNOW PAIN, I WILL SHOW THEM THE PAIN! IF THEY WANT TO KNOW NOTHINGNESS, THEY WILL SEE IT AT END OF DAYS WHEN THEY SEE THEIR CHANCES OF VICTORY! MY NAME IS JEFFREY VIPER, AND I-"
"OOOOOH! THAT DRAKE SONG! Get out of the car. I need you to video tape me doing the dance!"
"YES!"
"Why are you in the driver seat?"
"Oh. Good point!"
Right after the video, the screeching sound of tires peeling is heard as Jeffrey Viper is heard. The scene fades to black.
