Post by The Nihilists on Oct 26, 2018 22:21:29 GMT -5
~The XHF Network feed cuts to static and fades to black. A trope well worn over the course of this month long tournament of annihilation. This time we don’t fade to black and white or remain dark. The lights come on and we are inside the heart of Croke Park where End of Days will take place in two days time. It is early afternoon and there are two men standing in front of the camera. They are clean shaven and bald. They are wearing a set of Viper paraphernalia from the hour long (seriously?) conference Jeffrey had held.~
”Yo, E it’s almost time for End of Days. Let’s talk about sex and cats and legends!”
”You make no sense. You are fucking fat and useless. Watch me be edgy instead!
”…What are you two doing?”
”We’re the Vipers! … We had to show them that if they imitate the Nihilists the Nihilists can do it be..”
”Remove yourselves before we remove you. We do not play these childish games. We are serious contenders for the tag team titles and we do not play down to our competition. Our message is important and we cannot be the bearers of the word of the void if we act like toddlers.”
”You blokes ah’ no foon at all. Little excitement nevah hurt nobody. Come on Tim let’s get a pint o’ Guiness.”
~The two Irish lads walk away as Gebin and Esmur step into frame.~
”How unusual. The people who come to watch AWF never try to grab a live cameraman. And the AWF cameramen do not broadcast wayward riff-raff to the XHF Network as if they were the undefeated tag team sweeping the network and taking the world by storm. To think, they thought we would stoop to that level. And cursing, how positively … early 2000s of them. True superstars can get their point across without compromising their integrity or their values. We do things our own way. Apparently Dylan is not above playing the imitation game. Sincerest form of flattery they say. Still it is nice to see the boy try to be his own mouthpiece for once. Since the one he had been hiding behind is about as subtle and nuanced as a pipe to the side of the head. And just as painful to the senses.”
”Try not to let it darken our demeanor my friend. We are here in beautiful Ireland at this supposedly haunted park. 80,000 people will soon be seated inside this arena watching us become the number one contenders to the tag team titles. We have to try not to let this blight on the country dampen our enthusiasm and our focus. Ireland is no stranger to being taken by storm by something foul and odious. Truly they have had a terrible time of it. It is a testament to their power to rebound that they can provide us with the amount of solanum tuberosum we require just to use as weapons in a match for their own violent entertainment. How brutal that we must dispatch so many spuds on such pathetic specimens as Team Viper. To hear them talk you would assume they were hall of famers already. But alas we do not choose our opponents, they earned their way to us and now it is our mission to deliver them, signed and sealed, inside some potato sacks, back to the United States for disposal.”
”The humble nightshade we call spuds has a troubled history here on the Emerald Isle. Surely you all must know about how potatoes are ingrained within the very DNA of the Irish diet so we will not dwell too long but it is important to note how much this simple tuber has done for this country. The accomplishments are far more than Team Viper could ever hope for. But they were almost undone here in this country for the very vegetable that saved them centuries before. Phytophtora Infestans. It sounds like a doctor who villain of the week but it is the bacterium which single handedly caused the near extinction of a nation. The potato was relied upon heavily as the staple starch and foodstuff of the island. There was not much diversification and the economy and population thrived on the humble potato. Then this one bacterium made its way over and devastated the crops. There were many people who died, many more who fled the country to try and escape the blight. Much of the American Irish population resulted from the mass exodus of the blighted Irishmen. The lesson here was not learned as well as we would hope but it stands as such: diversification is key.”
”Put simply the Irish relied SO heavily on this one crop that a single disease caused famine and economic collapse. Put simply the Irish needed to have backup plans. And they had none. It Is a sad story but one that history must keep retelling as we watch economies collapse due to highly virulent banana diseases among other examples. What does this have to do with Sunday? Well if you look at the matchup you will clearly see the Irish in this are a metaphor for Team Viper. As we have stated there is no subtlety, no nuance, no strategy. Jeffrey tries to offend and overpower and Dylan covers for him. Sure he is more innovative in his offense but it is all just all out assault. Put simply, all that is required of us is to find the weakness and exploit it … maliciously and repeatedly. You see we are known for our adaptability, the power to roll with the punches. We have produced a bit of immunity to the staleness that has taken hold of so many teams. A breath of fresh air for the tag team division.”
”Changing tactics on the fly is key. How else could we have overcome Hellbound and the giant mecha bear the Borgs brought out to add to a numbers advantage? All that is required of us is to incapacitate you and tie you into a bag. No three count needed. It’s the saddest Halloween treat bag ever assembled. Even Charlie Brown would reject that trick. You see Vipers we are like the blight here. We are coming to bring annihilation to you. Your prospects for the future will be mired in a famine the likes of which you have never seen before. No amount of power, potatoes, or … poop … will save you from the unrelenting assault of the abyss. The blight may have been a devastating event for so many people but like the nightshade the potato grows from, it was an efficient servant of the void. What better claim to fame for a messenger of the darkness than to send millions of souls to rest and return them to the eternal night. Humans, animals, and plants alike fell during this one bacterial crusade across the island.”
”Remember Vipers, all things meet their ends and return to the inky abyss. This is one of the main certainties in life. All we are doing is acting as the guides along the pathway. And Sunday night we bring to Ireland the marvelous march of emptiness where eighty thousand … and two … wayward lost humans cry out for help. And we are the once to deliver that payload. To the fans in attendance it will be a spectacle and an awakening. Their eyes opened to the power of the darkness, the necessity of embracing it and the knowledge that it is a benevolent force to those who do not fear it but live their lives to the fullest and step willingly into its embrace when the time arrives. For the two of you … we act merely as the necessary shove … to push you over the edge. And to your end of days. Sunday … embrace … annihilation.”
”Still, annihilation by potato is not the most desirable way to go …”
”Oh no for sure, just think of it as us doing Hailey Black a service. Freeing her of her annoying house guest problem … and delivering her a nutritious supper.”
~We fade out and the Network resumes its broadcast~
”You make no sense. You are fucking fat and useless. Watch me be edgy instead!
”…What are you two doing?”
”Remove yourselves before we remove you. We do not play these childish games. We are serious contenders for the tag team titles and we do not play down to our competition. Our message is important and we cannot be the bearers of the word of the void if we act like toddlers.”
”You blokes ah’ no foon at all. Little excitement nevah hurt nobody. Come on Tim let’s get a pint o’ Guiness.”
~The two Irish lads walk away as Gebin and Esmur step into frame.~
”How unusual. The people who come to watch AWF never try to grab a live cameraman. And the AWF cameramen do not broadcast wayward riff-raff to the XHF Network as if they were the undefeated tag team sweeping the network and taking the world by storm. To think, they thought we would stoop to that level. And cursing, how positively … early 2000s of them. True superstars can get their point across without compromising their integrity or their values. We do things our own way. Apparently Dylan is not above playing the imitation game. Sincerest form of flattery they say. Still it is nice to see the boy try to be his own mouthpiece for once. Since the one he had been hiding behind is about as subtle and nuanced as a pipe to the side of the head. And just as painful to the senses.”
”Try not to let it darken our demeanor my friend. We are here in beautiful Ireland at this supposedly haunted park. 80,000 people will soon be seated inside this arena watching us become the number one contenders to the tag team titles. We have to try not to let this blight on the country dampen our enthusiasm and our focus. Ireland is no stranger to being taken by storm by something foul and odious. Truly they have had a terrible time of it. It is a testament to their power to rebound that they can provide us with the amount of solanum tuberosum we require just to use as weapons in a match for their own violent entertainment. How brutal that we must dispatch so many spuds on such pathetic specimens as Team Viper. To hear them talk you would assume they were hall of famers already. But alas we do not choose our opponents, they earned their way to us and now it is our mission to deliver them, signed and sealed, inside some potato sacks, back to the United States for disposal.”
”The humble nightshade we call spuds has a troubled history here on the Emerald Isle. Surely you all must know about how potatoes are ingrained within the very DNA of the Irish diet so we will not dwell too long but it is important to note how much this simple tuber has done for this country. The accomplishments are far more than Team Viper could ever hope for. But they were almost undone here in this country for the very vegetable that saved them centuries before. Phytophtora Infestans. It sounds like a doctor who villain of the week but it is the bacterium which single handedly caused the near extinction of a nation. The potato was relied upon heavily as the staple starch and foodstuff of the island. There was not much diversification and the economy and population thrived on the humble potato. Then this one bacterium made its way over and devastated the crops. There were many people who died, many more who fled the country to try and escape the blight. Much of the American Irish population resulted from the mass exodus of the blighted Irishmen. The lesson here was not learned as well as we would hope but it stands as such: diversification is key.”
”Put simply the Irish relied SO heavily on this one crop that a single disease caused famine and economic collapse. Put simply the Irish needed to have backup plans. And they had none. It Is a sad story but one that history must keep retelling as we watch economies collapse due to highly virulent banana diseases among other examples. What does this have to do with Sunday? Well if you look at the matchup you will clearly see the Irish in this are a metaphor for Team Viper. As we have stated there is no subtlety, no nuance, no strategy. Jeffrey tries to offend and overpower and Dylan covers for him. Sure he is more innovative in his offense but it is all just all out assault. Put simply, all that is required of us is to find the weakness and exploit it … maliciously and repeatedly. You see we are known for our adaptability, the power to roll with the punches. We have produced a bit of immunity to the staleness that has taken hold of so many teams. A breath of fresh air for the tag team division.”
”Changing tactics on the fly is key. How else could we have overcome Hellbound and the giant mecha bear the Borgs brought out to add to a numbers advantage? All that is required of us is to incapacitate you and tie you into a bag. No three count needed. It’s the saddest Halloween treat bag ever assembled. Even Charlie Brown would reject that trick. You see Vipers we are like the blight here. We are coming to bring annihilation to you. Your prospects for the future will be mired in a famine the likes of which you have never seen before. No amount of power, potatoes, or … poop … will save you from the unrelenting assault of the abyss. The blight may have been a devastating event for so many people but like the nightshade the potato grows from, it was an efficient servant of the void. What better claim to fame for a messenger of the darkness than to send millions of souls to rest and return them to the eternal night. Humans, animals, and plants alike fell during this one bacterial crusade across the island.”
”Remember Vipers, all things meet their ends and return to the inky abyss. This is one of the main certainties in life. All we are doing is acting as the guides along the pathway. And Sunday night we bring to Ireland the marvelous march of emptiness where eighty thousand … and two … wayward lost humans cry out for help. And we are the once to deliver that payload. To the fans in attendance it will be a spectacle and an awakening. Their eyes opened to the power of the darkness, the necessity of embracing it and the knowledge that it is a benevolent force to those who do not fear it but live their lives to the fullest and step willingly into its embrace when the time arrives. For the two of you … we act merely as the necessary shove … to push you over the edge. And to your end of days. Sunday … embrace … annihilation.”
”Still, annihilation by potato is not the most desirable way to go …”
”Oh no for sure, just think of it as us doing Hailey Black a service. Freeing her of her annoying house guest problem … and delivering her a nutritious supper.”
~We fade out and the Network resumes its broadcast~
