Post by Jack Diamond on Oct 27, 2018 10:46:26 GMT -5
The scene opens inside of a studio, the kind you would expect to see any generic late night talk show filmed in. The crowd has filed in as the hum of their chatter reverberates off the rafters. A house band is set up to the left, playing instrumental music for what sounds like it's straight off of a Top 10 chart. The stage has your expected setup: Beautiful cherry wooden desk with a comfortable looking couch beside it. The backdrop behind the set makes it feel as if you are looking out across the lit up night in central Dublin. As the house band fades out of their last song and bright "on air" sign lights up above the crowd followed by an "applause" sign as a voice over cuts over the house speakers.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another episode of "All-In, Tonight" LIIIIVE from Ireland!!! Please welcome your host, current XHF X*Crown Champion... "The Ace of Spades" JAAAACCCK DIIIIAMOOONNDDD!!!
The crowd begins cheering loudly as the house band begins playing an instrumental version of Motorhead's "Ace of Spades." Jack Diamond walks out with a very nice, tailored suit complimented nicely by a tie that replicated the Irish flag. He steps out to the front of the stage smiling and waving at the audience before motioning to the band who finishes up the song.
Jack Diamond: Thank you, thank you! Welcome to "All-In, Tonight! Boy, do I have a great show for you tonight! There are some really special guests joining us tonight! You know, I just got over here in Ireland tonight...and while it's not my first time here, it never ceases to amaze me how beautiful this country is!
Cheap pop... and Jack knows it as he bows to the crowd before getting a mischievous smile on his face.
Jack Diamond: With that out of the way... what a clusterfuck it is to park anywhere here in Dublin!
Some of the audience laughs...some sort of groan in disapproval. Jack chuckles a bit as he continues
Jack Diamond: And it's amazing how religious you folks can get when it's time to find a space to park your car. I'm standing in the car park outside earlier and I see a young Irishman pull up... the place is packed! The man is looking all over the place and finally results to bowing his head... "Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
The crowd listens intently... we've all been there of course, asking whatever deity we follow to help us with mundane tasks.
Jack Diamond: Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
The house band hits a rim shot on the drums as the crowd begins to laugh at the harmless joke.
Jack Diamond: I only kid... this is what you have to do in life people, have fun. It's not done with malice. If you can't laugh and have a good time... you won't go far in life.. Take this weekend for example... I'm in arguably the most important match of my career and there is no denying that I've had a rough week. Some of my opponents want you to know how "hard" they are while others want you to see how "hard" they are FOR me.
Jack stops and gets a disgusted look on his face as he takes shivering to the joy of the audience. As he speaks a large projection screen whirs to life as it lowers behind Jack
Jack Diamond: Still, others would rather you see their life story. We all have seen it... those "flashback" promos where a wrestler wants you to see just how far they've come in life. The obstacles they have had to endure to make it to this moment. The trials and tribulations they have overcome to make it to End of Days and a chance to fight for my titles...well, it's just astonishing. I want you all to know... Jack Diamond is no different. In fact, I have the video to prove just how difficult of a life I have had... take a look.
Jack motions to the screen behind him as it fires to life as Jack walks off towards the desk
As the video ends, the audience cheers loudly as their hero won. Well, in reality they are probably only cheering because the studio sign is telling them too. In any event, Jack Diamond now sits behind the desk looking into the camera.
Jack Diamond: Thank you for taking that journey with me. It has led me to this moment... days before I step inside of the Annihilation Complex match and put all eighteen of my beautiful titles on the line. What an amazing match it will be... if you don't believe me, look at this poster...
Jack holds up the promotional poster for End of Days. It shows all seven wrestlers involved in the main event. Jackson Steele, Ember Ferrari, Price, Raiden Ishimori, Charlie Velez, Akeed ibn Umar Al-hayba and finally, our champion, Jack Diamond. All seven stand there posing to look menacingly capable of winning...or that is what the XHF would have you believe.
Jack Diamond: Would you look at this? I'm not sure if this is a promotion for a wrestling match or a cheap attempt at the XHF to say "Hey! Look at us! We Are Diverse!"
A laugh track plays over the studio sound system as Diamond turns the poster around to survey it himself.
Jack Diamond: I mean, what is this shit? You have a Japanese guy who thinks he's dead, A white porn star who is realizing he is no longer loved or needed in this business, an ugly guy in drag, a person who is on the run from the Yakuza, a dapper looking dark skinned man who loves playing up stereotypes...and who the hell is this Charlie Velez character? I don't care and I highly doubt anyone else does either. The only thing these people have in common is they will all be laying there looking up at this man Jack points to himself on the poster at the end of the night as I walk out still the champion. Anyways, here to talk to us tonight about this monumental, historical "diversity-on-display" match... is none other than the owner of XHF, and unbeknownst to us all, Irelands own.... Mong O'Thedestroyer.
The audience clap at the shocking realization that Mongo is going to make an appearance. The applauding dies down as "Mongo" walks out from the back. We should have known something was off by the way Jack said his name. Everyone knows Mongo isn't Irish. Maverick is, however, and there he stands dressed in an ugly suit that you may find in a Goodwill and sporting a "Mongo The Destroyer" Halloween mask. Maverick The Destroyer shakes Jack's hand and takes a seat on the couch beside the desk.
Jack Diamond: Well, Mongo, let me start by thanking you for taking time out of your busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing to be here with us tonight.
"Mongo" drops his head as the crowd laughs
Jack Diamond: I think the question that everyone wants to know... what is the deal with this?
Jack hands the poster over to Maverick who looks down at it, clearly not being able to see through the goofy mask he has on.
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Well, Jack, I'll tell you what that is. That is the XHFs super secret attempt of pretended we love EVERYONE! We especially love you though, and figured this was a way to make sure you won your match by putting you against a group of nobodies.
Jack Diamond: Uh, Mongo... are you sure you should be giving away that kind of information? I mean... what is everyone sees this?
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Oh... right, uhhh here sign this legal document stating that you will not let anyone know about this...
Maverick hands over a piece of paper to Jack who looks annoyed at having to sign yet another NDA due to Mongo. He stares at the sheet of paper for a moment before looking back at "Mongo."
Jack Diamond: You do realize that this is just a piece of paper with the words "Fuck Mongo" on it in a sharpie, right?
"Mongo" angrily grabs the piece of paper and looks at it with shock.
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Damn it Icons!!! I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN!
As Maverick screams this and tilts his head back in despair the Mongo mask slips off his head falling to the ground behind him. He tries to clutch it to no avail. The crowd, and Jack, burst into laughter as Maverick looks around and simply says "oops"
Jack Diamond: Well, that's what we Icons do. Apparently Mongo has lost his head so l think it's time for our next guest. Now, as you all may know... unfortunately, I've had a bit of a "not-so-secret" admirer as of late. I've tried to ignore it... I've lost plenty of lunches because of it... yes, I'm talking about one of my opponents in this Sunday's title match... Ember Ferrari.
Oohs and ahhs begin to become vocal in the crowd before Jack throws up a hand to interrupt and hush them.
Jack Diamond: Now, obviously and thankfully she is not here, and I would never welcome her willingly anywhere in my vicinity... so I searched high and low and apparently Ember has a twin sister. Please welcome... the prettier sister... Charcoal Porsche!
The House Band begins to play "It's Raining Men" as the crowd watches in stunned silence as Charcoal comes out on stage. Her appearance can only be described as Reginald VelJohnson in drag. "She" walks up to Diamond, dangling out "her" limp right hand for him to shake before sitting down beside Maverick (who has now slid as far down on the couch as he could)
Jack Diamond: Charcoal, it's a pleasure to meet you. Now, when it comes down to you and your sister, Ember, some say you are the "black" sheep of the family. I mean, despite Ember being just a notch above Copycat in the ring... she has made it to the main event of a global show. You have to be proud of her right?
Charcoal Porsche: Proud of Charcoal starts taking in a deep voice before catching "herself" and cleaning her throat before continues in a higher pitch Proud of that basic bitch? Honey, Charcoal ain't proud of Ember's ugly ass. She gon' get her ass beat tomorrow night.
Jack Diamond: Wow, a bit of a sibling rivalry I see... well if you are not pulling for her... who is your favorite in the match?
Charcoal Porsche: Well, Jackie-poo... I would normally say you were. I mean when it comes to in ring talent there really ain't no argument that you are the best amiright? But given how fond of you my sister is Jack grimaces a bit at this I'll have to pick someone else. The easy choice for me would have been if that sexy, sexy, Jeffrey Viper was in the match. He need to get over that Hailey bitch and give me a call..I'd love to run my hands through that fuzzy chinstrap of his...mmmmm. But you asked specifically for this match... Jackson Steele goes hard for sure, but I like a little danger in my men. Ain't nobody mo' dangerous than that handsome man Raiden Ishamoru.
Jack Diamond: Ishimori
Charcoal Porsche: Whatever the hell it is. That man is danger... running for those yakoozoo muh'fuckers and shit. He has to win this match right?
Jack Diamond just rolls his eyes. Fuck Raiden and his "dangerous life." Charcoal had it right the first time.. when it comes to being in that ring, no one does it better than Jack. He gets ready to respond but is cut off by Charcoal
Charcoal Porsche: You know, I thought I was in love with Jeffrey Viper... ooh but then I seen this sexy mug of Irish cream to my right... c'mere and give me some suga baby.
Jack burst out laughing as Charcoal lunges at Mav and traps him against the arm of the sofa as he flails his arms in panic (coincidentally being the second time in two nights that someone has tried to "slap the blackness away" - yeah, that's right... I said it...
Maverick: Fucking hell, get her off me Jack! I can't breath and she smells like rotten eggs!
Charcoal moves in a for a kiss and Mav desperately turns his head side to side to avoid it, getting lipstick all over his face. Maverick shoves at the big "woman" with all his strength as she flies back busting through the coffee table with a thud. Copycat, who is dressed like a french maid, comes out and begins to try and wipe the blackness from Mavericks face. (I know that sounds bad, but it was black lipstick..I promise) Maverick gets sick all over Copycat who can do nothing but frown and clean it off of himself. Maverick, seeing Charcoal begin to stir and trying to pull herself up from the rubble, decides to nope the hell out of this and heads to the back. Jack stands and walks around to the front of the desk trying to hold back the laughter from the mayhem.
Jack Diamond: Please give our guests, Mong O'Thedestroyer and Charcoal Porsche a round of applause! It is a beautiful day folks, and it will be a beautiful day tomorrow as I retain my X*Crown champion. Spending of beautiful days.. please welcome on stage right now... our musical guests of the evening... Playing their hit song "Beautiful Day" The crowd goes absolutely insane. After all of the hijinks, this has been with the wait. The projection screen from earlier show Bono walking up to the building... Dublin's very own!!!! U-FUCKING-2!!!!
As the U2 finishes up the song, Diamond steps over to shake Bono's hand.
Jack Diamond: Thank you everyone for being here tonight! And thank U2!!! We are out of time, tune in to End of Days tomorrow night! See ya folks!
Diamond waves to the cameras and to the studio audience as he continues chatting to Bono and the scene fades to black.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another episode of "All-In, Tonight" LIIIIVE from Ireland!!! Please welcome your host, current XHF X*Crown Champion... "The Ace of Spades" JAAAACCCK DIIIIAMOOONNDDD!!!
The crowd begins cheering loudly as the house band begins playing an instrumental version of Motorhead's "Ace of Spades." Jack Diamond walks out with a very nice, tailored suit complimented nicely by a tie that replicated the Irish flag. He steps out to the front of the stage smiling and waving at the audience before motioning to the band who finishes up the song.
Jack Diamond: Thank you, thank you! Welcome to "All-In, Tonight! Boy, do I have a great show for you tonight! There are some really special guests joining us tonight! You know, I just got over here in Ireland tonight...and while it's not my first time here, it never ceases to amaze me how beautiful this country is!
Cheap pop... and Jack knows it as he bows to the crowd before getting a mischievous smile on his face.
Jack Diamond: With that out of the way... what a clusterfuck it is to park anywhere here in Dublin!
Some of the audience laughs...some sort of groan in disapproval. Jack chuckles a bit as he continues
Jack Diamond: And it's amazing how religious you folks can get when it's time to find a space to park your car. I'm standing in the car park outside earlier and I see a young Irishman pull up... the place is packed! The man is looking all over the place and finally results to bowing his head... "Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
The crowd listens intently... we've all been there of course, asking whatever deity we follow to help us with mundane tasks.
Jack Diamond: Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
The house band hits a rim shot on the drums as the crowd begins to laugh at the harmless joke.
Jack Diamond: I only kid... this is what you have to do in life people, have fun. It's not done with malice. If you can't laugh and have a good time... you won't go far in life.. Take this weekend for example... I'm in arguably the most important match of my career and there is no denying that I've had a rough week. Some of my opponents want you to know how "hard" they are while others want you to see how "hard" they are FOR me.
Jack stops and gets a disgusted look on his face as he takes shivering to the joy of the audience. As he speaks a large projection screen whirs to life as it lowers behind Jack
Jack Diamond: Still, others would rather you see their life story. We all have seen it... those "flashback" promos where a wrestler wants you to see just how far they've come in life. The obstacles they have had to endure to make it to this moment. The trials and tribulations they have overcome to make it to End of Days and a chance to fight for my titles...well, it's just astonishing. I want you all to know... Jack Diamond is no different. In fact, I have the video to prove just how difficult of a life I have had... take a look.
Jack motions to the screen behind him as it fires to life as Jack walks off towards the desk
As the video begins to play we see the words "A Day In The Life... of the XCrown Champion" As this slide faded out the words "6:30 AM" showed up before the scene switches to a shot of Jack Diamond, asleep in bed.
Weird Narration Guy: It was an ordinary morning. The X*Crown champion was snuggled warm and tightly in bed when chaos ensued.
The alarm goes off and Diamond rolls over to turn it off...when immediately his eyes go wide and he sits up quickly in bed.
Jack Diamond: SIX THIRTY!!! Shit! I MEANT TO SET IT FOR SIX O'CLOCK! I'm going to be late for my workout!!!
Weird Narration Guy: It was at that moment, that out champions life was thrown into a downward spiral.
Jack throws his feet onto the floor getting ready to stand up out of bed before quickly lifting his feet back into the air
Jack Diamond: Wow, this floor is too cold! Where the hell are my slippers? I pay damm good money to not have cold feet!
Jack frantically looks around the base of the bed and finally sees a pair of slippers and slides them on his feet. He puts his feet back down and sighs in relief.
Weird Narration Guy: With the "cold feet" crisis diverted, Jack Diamond was finally ready to get up and face the world. However, when you think you have it all figured out... life throws you a curveball.
We see Jack walking to the bathroom where he (off camera, thankfully) relieves himself. After he is done he flushes and washes his hands. As he dries his hands he looks around... confused.
Jack Diamond: Uh... where is my toothbrush?
Weird Narration Guy: The only thing worse than cold feet in the morning is the realization that you may have to live through the day swallowing down your morning breath. Young Jack was in peril.
Jack Diamond: Oh... there it is...
Jack had unzipped a small bag that set next to the sink and pulled out a toothbrush. He had forgotten to unpack it the night before. With glee in his eyes, Diamond brushes his teeth.
Weird Narration Guy: Well... that turned out to be nothing more than a brief scare. Good for him... but this nightmare start to his day was far from over.
Jack walks into the kitchenette of his room. Now that he has freshened up a bit it is time for the most important meal of the day. Breakfast. Jack opens a cabinet and pulls out a box of Lucky Charms (Just for you, Maverick..because what else would Jack Diamond eat while in Ireland) He stretches and then grabs a big bowl from another cabinet before promptly emptying about half of the cereal into the bowl. He picks one marshmallow up and pops it in his mouth as he walks over to the refrigerator.
Jack Diamond: Man...these things really are magically delicious. Wait.... what the hell? NO MILK??!!!
*Jack looks behind everything in the fridge and to his shock there is indeed no milk. Jack slams the door and absolutely rages. He slams his fist down on the counter, screams and grabs the bowl of cereal and slings it against the wall as shards of glass, oats, rainbows and leprechaun hats and balloons go flying. Jack falls to his knees, holding his fists up to the heavens."
Jack Diamond: Damn you Dairy Gods!!!! Why have you forsaken me?!
Weird Narration Guy: Sometimes you just do not get dealt a good hand in life. What is important is that you keep your eye on the prize and deal with the hurdles that block your way. For our champion, it was his workout.
The scene switches to showing Jack Diamond walking into a small fitness center, now dressed in his workout attire. He finishes off a bagel that he picked up from somewhere after the breakfast debacle and dusts the crumbs off his hands as he steps up onto a treadmill.
Weird Narration Guy: Cardio is very important to Jack Diamond... and finally he can get on with his day the way he intended. But...things are not always as they seem.
Jack pushes a few buttons and nothing happens. He slaps the side of the control panel because well... that always works right? Nope.
Jack Diamond: Oh just lovely! How the hell am I supposed to hang with six other opponents if I can run in place for an hour!
Jack looks defeated. If he could only go back in time and change it all he would. Just as our forlorn friend is about to give up he noticed the unplugged cord snaking out from the front of the machine.
Jack Diamond: Oh...
Jack steps off of the treadmill and goes and plugs the machine in which beeps to life. Satisfied with his quick thinking, he walks back over and gets on the treadmill and punches in a few sequences to set his workout. The belt begins to move and our champion triumphantly begins his brisk jog...
Weird Narration Guy: Through all the ups and downs.. Jack Diamond pushed through. This morning from Hell helped mold him into the man he is today. Our champion... persevered!
The video fades out to a shot of Jack Diamond looking victorious, holding up two thumbs
Weird Narration Guy: It was an ordinary morning. The X*Crown champion was snuggled warm and tightly in bed when chaos ensued.
The alarm goes off and Diamond rolls over to turn it off...when immediately his eyes go wide and he sits up quickly in bed.
Jack Diamond: SIX THIRTY!!! Shit! I MEANT TO SET IT FOR SIX O'CLOCK! I'm going to be late for my workout!!!
Weird Narration Guy: It was at that moment, that out champions life was thrown into a downward spiral.
Jack throws his feet onto the floor getting ready to stand up out of bed before quickly lifting his feet back into the air
Jack Diamond: Wow, this floor is too cold! Where the hell are my slippers? I pay damm good money to not have cold feet!
Jack frantically looks around the base of the bed and finally sees a pair of slippers and slides them on his feet. He puts his feet back down and sighs in relief.
Weird Narration Guy: With the "cold feet" crisis diverted, Jack Diamond was finally ready to get up and face the world. However, when you think you have it all figured out... life throws you a curveball.
We see Jack walking to the bathroom where he (off camera, thankfully) relieves himself. After he is done he flushes and washes his hands. As he dries his hands he looks around... confused.
Jack Diamond: Uh... where is my toothbrush?
Weird Narration Guy: The only thing worse than cold feet in the morning is the realization that you may have to live through the day swallowing down your morning breath. Young Jack was in peril.
Jack Diamond: Oh... there it is...
Jack had unzipped a small bag that set next to the sink and pulled out a toothbrush. He had forgotten to unpack it the night before. With glee in his eyes, Diamond brushes his teeth.
Weird Narration Guy: Well... that turned out to be nothing more than a brief scare. Good for him... but this nightmare start to his day was far from over.
Jack walks into the kitchenette of his room. Now that he has freshened up a bit it is time for the most important meal of the day. Breakfast. Jack opens a cabinet and pulls out a box of Lucky Charms (Just for you, Maverick..because what else would Jack Diamond eat while in Ireland) He stretches and then grabs a big bowl from another cabinet before promptly emptying about half of the cereal into the bowl. He picks one marshmallow up and pops it in his mouth as he walks over to the refrigerator.
Jack Diamond: Man...these things really are magically delicious. Wait.... what the hell? NO MILK??!!!
*Jack looks behind everything in the fridge and to his shock there is indeed no milk. Jack slams the door and absolutely rages. He slams his fist down on the counter, screams and grabs the bowl of cereal and slings it against the wall as shards of glass, oats, rainbows and leprechaun hats and balloons go flying. Jack falls to his knees, holding his fists up to the heavens."
Jack Diamond: Damn you Dairy Gods!!!! Why have you forsaken me?!
Weird Narration Guy: Sometimes you just do not get dealt a good hand in life. What is important is that you keep your eye on the prize and deal with the hurdles that block your way. For our champion, it was his workout.
The scene switches to showing Jack Diamond walking into a small fitness center, now dressed in his workout attire. He finishes off a bagel that he picked up from somewhere after the breakfast debacle and dusts the crumbs off his hands as he steps up onto a treadmill.
Weird Narration Guy: Cardio is very important to Jack Diamond... and finally he can get on with his day the way he intended. But...things are not always as they seem.
Jack pushes a few buttons and nothing happens. He slaps the side of the control panel because well... that always works right? Nope.
Jack Diamond: Oh just lovely! How the hell am I supposed to hang with six other opponents if I can run in place for an hour!
Jack looks defeated. If he could only go back in time and change it all he would. Just as our forlorn friend is about to give up he noticed the unplugged cord snaking out from the front of the machine.
Jack Diamond: Oh...
Jack steps off of the treadmill and goes and plugs the machine in which beeps to life. Satisfied with his quick thinking, he walks back over and gets on the treadmill and punches in a few sequences to set his workout. The belt begins to move and our champion triumphantly begins his brisk jog...
Weird Narration Guy: Through all the ups and downs.. Jack Diamond pushed through. This morning from Hell helped mold him into the man he is today. Our champion... persevered!
The video fades out to a shot of Jack Diamond looking victorious, holding up two thumbs
As the video ends, the audience cheers loudly as their hero won. Well, in reality they are probably only cheering because the studio sign is telling them too. In any event, Jack Diamond now sits behind the desk looking into the camera.
Jack Diamond: Thank you for taking that journey with me. It has led me to this moment... days before I step inside of the Annihilation Complex match and put all eighteen of my beautiful titles on the line. What an amazing match it will be... if you don't believe me, look at this poster...
Jack holds up the promotional poster for End of Days. It shows all seven wrestlers involved in the main event. Jackson Steele, Ember Ferrari, Price, Raiden Ishimori, Charlie Velez, Akeed ibn Umar Al-hayba and finally, our champion, Jack Diamond. All seven stand there posing to look menacingly capable of winning...or that is what the XHF would have you believe.
Jack Diamond: Would you look at this? I'm not sure if this is a promotion for a wrestling match or a cheap attempt at the XHF to say "Hey! Look at us! We Are Diverse!"
A laugh track plays over the studio sound system as Diamond turns the poster around to survey it himself.
Jack Diamond: I mean, what is this shit? You have a Japanese guy who thinks he's dead, A white porn star who is realizing he is no longer loved or needed in this business, an ugly guy in drag, a person who is on the run from the Yakuza, a dapper looking dark skinned man who loves playing up stereotypes...and who the hell is this Charlie Velez character? I don't care and I highly doubt anyone else does either. The only thing these people have in common is they will all be laying there looking up at this man Jack points to himself on the poster at the end of the night as I walk out still the champion. Anyways, here to talk to us tonight about this monumental, historical "diversity-on-display" match... is none other than the owner of XHF, and unbeknownst to us all, Irelands own.... Mong O'Thedestroyer.
The audience clap at the shocking realization that Mongo is going to make an appearance. The applauding dies down as "Mongo" walks out from the back. We should have known something was off by the way Jack said his name. Everyone knows Mongo isn't Irish. Maverick is, however, and there he stands dressed in an ugly suit that you may find in a Goodwill and sporting a "Mongo The Destroyer" Halloween mask. Maverick The Destroyer shakes Jack's hand and takes a seat on the couch beside the desk.
Jack Diamond: Well, Mongo, let me start by thanking you for taking time out of your busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing to be here with us tonight.
"Mongo" drops his head as the crowd laughs
Jack Diamond: I think the question that everyone wants to know... what is the deal with this?
Jack hands the poster over to Maverick who looks down at it, clearly not being able to see through the goofy mask he has on.
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Well, Jack, I'll tell you what that is. That is the XHFs super secret attempt of pretended we love EVERYONE! We especially love you though, and figured this was a way to make sure you won your match by putting you against a group of nobodies.
Jack Diamond: Uh, Mongo... are you sure you should be giving away that kind of information? I mean... what is everyone sees this?
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Oh... right, uhhh here sign this legal document stating that you will not let anyone know about this...
Maverick hands over a piece of paper to Jack who looks annoyed at having to sign yet another NDA due to Mongo. He stares at the sheet of paper for a moment before looking back at "Mongo."
Jack Diamond: You do realize that this is just a piece of paper with the words "Fuck Mongo" on it in a sharpie, right?
"Mongo" angrily grabs the piece of paper and looks at it with shock.
Mong O'Thedestroyer: Damn it Icons!!! I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN!
As Maverick screams this and tilts his head back in despair the Mongo mask slips off his head falling to the ground behind him. He tries to clutch it to no avail. The crowd, and Jack, burst into laughter as Maverick looks around and simply says "oops"
Jack Diamond: Well, that's what we Icons do. Apparently Mongo has lost his head so l think it's time for our next guest. Now, as you all may know... unfortunately, I've had a bit of a "not-so-secret" admirer as of late. I've tried to ignore it... I've lost plenty of lunches because of it... yes, I'm talking about one of my opponents in this Sunday's title match... Ember Ferrari.
Oohs and ahhs begin to become vocal in the crowd before Jack throws up a hand to interrupt and hush them.
Jack Diamond: Now, obviously and thankfully she is not here, and I would never welcome her willingly anywhere in my vicinity... so I searched high and low and apparently Ember has a twin sister. Please welcome... the prettier sister... Charcoal Porsche!
The House Band begins to play "It's Raining Men" as the crowd watches in stunned silence as Charcoal comes out on stage. Her appearance can only be described as Reginald VelJohnson in drag. "She" walks up to Diamond, dangling out "her" limp right hand for him to shake before sitting down beside Maverick (who has now slid as far down on the couch as he could)
Jack Diamond: Charcoal, it's a pleasure to meet you. Now, when it comes down to you and your sister, Ember, some say you are the "black" sheep of the family. I mean, despite Ember being just a notch above Copycat in the ring... she has made it to the main event of a global show. You have to be proud of her right?
Charcoal Porsche: Proud of Charcoal starts taking in a deep voice before catching "herself" and cleaning her throat before continues in a higher pitch Proud of that basic bitch? Honey, Charcoal ain't proud of Ember's ugly ass. She gon' get her ass beat tomorrow night.
Jack Diamond: Wow, a bit of a sibling rivalry I see... well if you are not pulling for her... who is your favorite in the match?
Charcoal Porsche: Well, Jackie-poo... I would normally say you were. I mean when it comes to in ring talent there really ain't no argument that you are the best amiright? But given how fond of you my sister is Jack grimaces a bit at this I'll have to pick someone else. The easy choice for me would have been if that sexy, sexy, Jeffrey Viper was in the match. He need to get over that Hailey bitch and give me a call..I'd love to run my hands through that fuzzy chinstrap of his...mmmmm. But you asked specifically for this match... Jackson Steele goes hard for sure, but I like a little danger in my men. Ain't nobody mo' dangerous than that handsome man Raiden Ishamoru.
Jack Diamond: Ishimori
Charcoal Porsche: Whatever the hell it is. That man is danger... running for those yakoozoo muh'fuckers and shit. He has to win this match right?
Jack Diamond just rolls his eyes. Fuck Raiden and his "dangerous life." Charcoal had it right the first time.. when it comes to being in that ring, no one does it better than Jack. He gets ready to respond but is cut off by Charcoal
Charcoal Porsche: You know, I thought I was in love with Jeffrey Viper... ooh but then I seen this sexy mug of Irish cream to my right... c'mere and give me some suga baby.
Jack burst out laughing as Charcoal lunges at Mav and traps him against the arm of the sofa as he flails his arms in panic (coincidentally being the second time in two nights that someone has tried to "slap the blackness away" - yeah, that's right... I said it...
Maverick: Fucking hell, get her off me Jack! I can't breath and she smells like rotten eggs!
Charcoal moves in a for a kiss and Mav desperately turns his head side to side to avoid it, getting lipstick all over his face. Maverick shoves at the big "woman" with all his strength as she flies back busting through the coffee table with a thud. Copycat, who is dressed like a french maid, comes out and begins to try and wipe the blackness from Mavericks face. (I know that sounds bad, but it was black lipstick..I promise) Maverick gets sick all over Copycat who can do nothing but frown and clean it off of himself. Maverick, seeing Charcoal begin to stir and trying to pull herself up from the rubble, decides to nope the hell out of this and heads to the back. Jack stands and walks around to the front of the desk trying to hold back the laughter from the mayhem.
Jack Diamond: Please give our guests, Mong O'Thedestroyer and Charcoal Porsche a round of applause! It is a beautiful day folks, and it will be a beautiful day tomorrow as I retain my X*Crown champion. Spending of beautiful days.. please welcome on stage right now... our musical guests of the evening... Playing their hit song "Beautiful Day" The crowd goes absolutely insane. After all of the hijinks, this has been with the wait. The projection screen from earlier show Bono walking up to the building... Dublin's very own!!!! U-FUCKING-2!!!!
As the U2 finishes up the song, Diamond steps over to shake Bono's hand.
Jack Diamond: Thank you everyone for being here tonight! And thank U2!!! We are out of time, tune in to End of Days tomorrow night! See ya folks!
Diamond waves to the cameras and to the studio audience as he continues chatting to Bono and the scene fades to black.
