The XHF Iron Man Closes XHF Iron Week (Tag Annihilator)
Oct 27, 2018 21:11:13 GMT -5
ForeverKuroi likes this
Post by Dylan on Oct 27, 2018 21:11:13 GMT -5
We open on the Blarney Castle in Ireland, where Dylan and Hailey are stood outside said castle, in line to kiss some rock or something? Dylan stands there, clad in a leather jacket, hands in pockets, shivering as he frowns at his mother.
Dylan Viper: Why are we here again? I mean, aside from this End of Days bullshit, why are we here?
Hailey Black: Because lately, you and that piece of foreskin Jeffrey have been making bad publicity for yourselves, stealing games out of Redbox's and replacing them with paper discs, doing that Kiki bullshit and whatnot. You two need some good publicity. And seeing how Jeff isn't here... you'll just have to make do on your own.
The line shuffles forward, helpers helping people kiss the big fugly rock. Dylan rolls his eyes and glares at a few patrons behind him. In the far corner of the screen, a fat man in a Michael Myers mask stands, watching Dylan.
Dylan Viper: Yeah, well I really don't care about bad publicity. Any publicity is good publicity. And when you're a regular guy on the buzz like me, you make a buzz anywhere you go!
Dylan pulls out a blunt and lights it, taking a drag on the illegal substance. Hailey scowls, and snatches it away, stamping it under her foot.
Dylan Viper: Hey!
Hailey Black: Hey yourself. You break enough laws on your home turf as is. Last thing we need is the cops taking you away for lighting one up, and then not letting you out for End of Days!
Dylan scoffs.
Dylan Viper: See how Shitface fares then. "Oh, I handled Sakura-Goon all by myself, blah blah EUGHGHHHGHHHGHIUHGGHHG!"
He pretends to be electricuted, shaking and having saliva come out of his mouth as onlookers look on with distasteful looks. Hailey smacks Dylan upside the head. He scowls at her, as the fat Myers keeps a distance, stalking the Blacks... er, Black and Viper. The Black Vipers?
Hailey Black: Stop that! Jeff may not be the most intelligent, but he pulled his own for... oh, who am I kidding. You did all that work yourself.
Dylan Viper: Exactly. I do all the work myself, just like I do everything myself!
Dylan turns and storms off to a conveniently placed camera, his mother in hot pursuit, and the fat Myers, now donning a Harley Quinn costume, in cold pursuit.
Hailey Black: DYLAN! GET BACK HERE!
He ignores her, reaching the camera and grabbing it off the stand, holding it inches from his face.
Dylan Viper: Hey XHF! Yall want some Big Ol' Facts regarding Team Viper? The fact of the matter, is that Jeffrey, well. He's a sorry piece of shit. Ever since Team Viper took the tag division by the throat and balls, who was at the division's throat? ME! Who's hand fondling Goldy's sleek, hairless testes? Jeffrey of course!
Hailey nearly vomits at the thought of Goldbear II's balls, but figures anyone's set would be better than Jeffrey's.
Dylan Viper: Viper, you're a vile, despicable, toxic sack of shit. It's a wonder why I even stay with you. Note this, should we fail to win the Annihilator, win the Tag Team Championships, I'll dump your ass on the curb, my mama will ditch you, and you can remain Copycat's partner in cleansing duties.
In the background, the fat Harley Quinn in a Michael Myers mask charges at Dylan, but is tackled by security and unmasked as Jeffrey Viper! Nobody makes note of him, because he's a useless bag of dicks.
Dylan Viper: And Nihilists, don't think I've forgotten about you too. The undefeated heralds of the XHF Tag Team division! Wait, I already ranted on you two. You're a phoney bunch of nobodies. Team Viper, I'm carrying this motherfucker all the way to the top of the crop! We the cream, boys! And guess what; we're undefeated too! So it looks like one team is going home disappointed, beaten, broken... and tied up in potato sacks.
He scoffs at this.
Dylan Viper: How fitting, how we're in Ireland and our match is based on potatoes. I wonder if I can trade Jeff's life to a Leprechaun for a few shillings. Heh.
Dylan rubs his hands together, the thought of riches overtaking him. He suddenly snaps out of this trance, and focuses on the camera.
Dylan Viper: Jeff, Elgin, Gebo, are you ready for Sunday? Because I've got 5 words for you folk, and then I'm coming down to the Croke Park to hold true to my words.
Dylan holds up his two fists.
Dylan Viper: Mama said knock you out. All three of you motherfuckers.
Hailey Black: That's 10 words. And no I di-
Cut to black.
Dylan Viper: Why are we here again? I mean, aside from this End of Days bullshit, why are we here?
Hailey Black: Because lately, you and that piece of foreskin Jeffrey have been making bad publicity for yourselves, stealing games out of Redbox's and replacing them with paper discs, doing that Kiki bullshit and whatnot. You two need some good publicity. And seeing how Jeff isn't here... you'll just have to make do on your own.
The line shuffles forward, helpers helping people kiss the big fugly rock. Dylan rolls his eyes and glares at a few patrons behind him. In the far corner of the screen, a fat man in a Michael Myers mask stands, watching Dylan.
Dylan Viper: Yeah, well I really don't care about bad publicity. Any publicity is good publicity. And when you're a regular guy on the buzz like me, you make a buzz anywhere you go!
Dylan pulls out a blunt and lights it, taking a drag on the illegal substance. Hailey scowls, and snatches it away, stamping it under her foot.
Dylan Viper: Hey!
Hailey Black: Hey yourself. You break enough laws on your home turf as is. Last thing we need is the cops taking you away for lighting one up, and then not letting you out for End of Days!
Dylan scoffs.
Dylan Viper: See how Shitface fares then. "Oh, I handled Sakura-Goon all by myself, blah blah EUGHGHHHGHHHGHIUHGGHHG!"
He pretends to be electricuted, shaking and having saliva come out of his mouth as onlookers look on with distasteful looks. Hailey smacks Dylan upside the head. He scowls at her, as the fat Myers keeps a distance, stalking the Blacks... er, Black and Viper. The Black Vipers?
Hailey Black: Stop that! Jeff may not be the most intelligent, but he pulled his own for... oh, who am I kidding. You did all that work yourself.
Dylan Viper: Exactly. I do all the work myself, just like I do everything myself!
Dylan turns and storms off to a conveniently placed camera, his mother in hot pursuit, and the fat Myers, now donning a Harley Quinn costume, in cold pursuit.
Hailey Black: DYLAN! GET BACK HERE!
He ignores her, reaching the camera and grabbing it off the stand, holding it inches from his face.
Dylan Viper: Hey XHF! Yall want some Big Ol' Facts regarding Team Viper? The fact of the matter, is that Jeffrey, well. He's a sorry piece of shit. Ever since Team Viper took the tag division by the throat and balls, who was at the division's throat? ME! Who's hand fondling Goldy's sleek, hairless testes? Jeffrey of course!
Hailey nearly vomits at the thought of Goldbear II's balls, but figures anyone's set would be better than Jeffrey's.
Dylan Viper: Viper, you're a vile, despicable, toxic sack of shit. It's a wonder why I even stay with you. Note this, should we fail to win the Annihilator, win the Tag Team Championships, I'll dump your ass on the curb, my mama will ditch you, and you can remain Copycat's partner in cleansing duties.
In the background, the fat Harley Quinn in a Michael Myers mask charges at Dylan, but is tackled by security and unmasked as Jeffrey Viper! Nobody makes note of him, because he's a useless bag of dicks.
Dylan Viper: And Nihilists, don't think I've forgotten about you too. The undefeated heralds of the XHF Tag Team division! Wait, I already ranted on you two. You're a phoney bunch of nobodies. Team Viper, I'm carrying this motherfucker all the way to the top of the crop! We the cream, boys! And guess what; we're undefeated too! So it looks like one team is going home disappointed, beaten, broken... and tied up in potato sacks.
He scoffs at this.
Dylan Viper: How fitting, how we're in Ireland and our match is based on potatoes. I wonder if I can trade Jeff's life to a Leprechaun for a few shillings. Heh.
Dylan rubs his hands together, the thought of riches overtaking him. He suddenly snaps out of this trance, and focuses on the camera.
Dylan Viper: Jeff, Elgin, Gebo, are you ready for Sunday? Because I've got 5 words for you folk, and then I'm coming down to the Croke Park to hold true to my words.
Dylan holds up his two fists.
Dylan Viper: Mama said knock you out. All three of you motherfuckers.
Hailey Black: That's 10 words. And no I di-
Cut to black.
