Champoon Wrasslin' PPV: Wrasslemania 18/11/18
Nov 18, 2018 14:54:44 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Steele, and 2 more like this
Post by The King on Nov 18, 2018 14:54:44 GMT -5
We open up to a warehouse full of rabid wrestling fans with rabies - they scream and howl as the cheap ass lights flicker around the brightly lit 'venue', if you can call it that. The entrance way is minuscule, a curtain with the Wrasslemania logo on it - the wrestlers will walk on out of them and down a tiny ramp you would use for disabled access when entering a van. It's very high budget, as you can tell. Suddenly, the camera snaps away from the 'entrance stage' and towards the merchandise table - sitting there are our announcers for the show - selling merchandise whilst calling the action.
Feargal Nukebuster: Welcome everyone to Champoon Wrathhlin'!
Spermy Boi: Yes welcome to *whale noise* Wrasslemania!
A Feargal chant breaks out as the fans go wild - realizing that THE Feargal Nukebuster is ACTUALLY sitting there selling merchandise and calling the action - suddenly a flock of people dash over to the table as to speak with him.
Feargal Nukebuster: Tonight'th thow will thee- yeth hello, nithe meeting you, yeth, good day thir - Jefe defend hith World Heavyweight title - yeth okay very nice, wow tho cool, thure I can take a photo, no I don't know you - againtht the giant nazthi wrethler known only ath - pleathe, I'm trying to call the acthion here, yeth you look cool, no I don't have AIDth - the Mongolian Giant!
Spermy Boi: What a MASSIVE main event clash - and it's a ladder match! What more do you want?!
The lights don a shady purple as 'Ready to Rumble's' theme hits the semi-broken speakers and David Arquette walks on out through the curtains to massive fanfare. He high fives fans as he walks down the minuscule ramp and heads straight for the ring - sliding in and climbing the turnbuckle - cheering like wild!
Feargal Nukebuster: Our firtht match here will be for the Thooting Thtar Championthip!
Spermy Boi: The what?
Feargal Nukebuster: The Thooting Thtar Championth- HEY!
Spermy Boi: Hehehehe.
Arquette walks around the ring as Roman Reigns theme hits, but every "DUN" is replaced by "BRO". Broman Brains, the man formerly known as Vince Russo, heads on out and makes a beeline straight for the ring - doing a "BRO" chant with the fans. He's over as fuck bro.
Feargal Nukebuster: The King of Twithtth!
Spermy Boi: Question is Feargal, are we gonna get SWERVED tonight?!
Broman Brains meets Arquette in the middle of the ring and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles - he smashes them around the face of Arquette, knocking him out cold, before shouting at the poor referee to do his job and ring the bell!
DING! DING! DING!
The match has started due to Russo booking and yet Dave Seltzer, the third participant in this matchup, is nowhere to be seen. Broman Brains mockingly laughs at the crowd and shouts "SWEEERRRRVVEEEE!" before slowly dropping to his knees and hooking the leg of Arquette. The referee slowly drops to his knees aswell, not happy with the booking, and starts the count.
ONE...! TWO...! THR-
NO - KICKOUT BY ARQUETTE!
The crowd go crazy as the super-underdog-yet-one-time-world-heavyweight-champion kicks out!
Spermy Boi: *whale noise*
Feargal Nukebuster: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THWERVE!
Broman Brains looks so perplexed that Arquette managed to kick out of his 'creative control' - he gets back to his feet and stumbles into the ropes, running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head in disbelief. The crowd go wild as an "Arquette" chant somehow breaks out and catches on! Suddenly, the cameras snap to the crowd and sitting there in the front row with a clipboard in hand - is Dave Seltzer!
Dave Seltzer: Not enough New Japan - 2 stars.
David Arquette slowly crawls to his knees as Broman Brains waits for him to rise!
Feargal Nukebuster: Dave Thelthzer ith in the match - why ith he out there in the crowd rating it?!
Spermy Boi: No clue Feargal!
As Arquette finally gets to his feet Broman Brains grabs him by the hair and looks him dead straight in the face, he shouts "BRO", before hitting the ropes and looking for a massive lariat! NO! Arquette ducks and hits the ropes himself - rebounding off of them and hitting one hell of a dropkick onto the King of Swerves! Broman Brains falls!
Dave Seltzer: That dropkick reminds me of Okada - 2 and a half stars.
Arquette drags Broman Brains back to his feet and Irish Whips him into the corner - charging at him with a full set of steam and looking for a corner splash! NO! Broman moves out of the way and Arquette's head bounces against the turnbuckle! Brains gets behind Arquette and drops him with a massive GERMAN SUPLEX! Arquette's neck almost crumpling under the pressure!
Feargal Nukebuster: I hear he callth it a Broman Suplex!
Spermy Boi: *whale noise*
Broman pulls Arquette back to his feet and kicks him in the gut, lifting him onto his shoulders. He marches him around the ring before looking for the Attitude Adjustment! He hits it!
Dave Seltzer: A WWE move? Ugh - 1 star.
Broman Brains covers as the crowd boo loudly.
ONE...! TWO...! THR-
NO SOLD BY ARQUETTE!
Arquette kicks out and jumps straight back up and onto his feet! He's hulking up! Feargal marks out like wild!
Feargal Nukebuster: YETH! HE'TH HULKING UP! LIKE MY UNCLE, UNCLE HOGAN!
Spermy Boi: *erotic whale sounds*
Broman Brains goes to punch him but Arquette blocks the punch and shouts "YOU!". He nails Brains with a punch - then another - one more! Brains bounces against the ropes and Arquette hits a big boot! The crowd go wild as he rebounds off of the ropes and hits the infamous LEG DROP OF DOOM! HE COVERS!
ONE! TW-
BROMAN BRAINS NO SOLD THE MOVE!
Brains jumps straight back to his feet and shouts "I ain't jobbin' for Hogan bro" - before running to the ropes, shaking them alas the Ultimate Warrior and stamping his feet upon on the mat. The crowd go wild as The Ultimate Broman Brains starts to run laps around the ring and Hulk Arquette watches on from the middle, shocked.
Dave Seltzer: Hogan and Warrior never wrestled in New Japan - minus four stars 'bro'.
Ultimate Broman Brains runs at Hulk Arquette for a big boot of his own but Arquette catches the leg! He pulls him in and grabs Brains arm - heading round the back of him and twisting Brain's arm. He pulls him in and out of nowhere hits the....
RAINMAKER!
The crowd go absolutely wild as Broman Brains is knocked unconscious and Arquette falls on top of him.
Dave Seltzer: FIVE STARS HOLY SHIT!
The referee counts!
ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
Feargal Nukebuster: David Arquette hath done it! David Arquette ith the NEW and firtht ever Champoon Wrathhlin' Thooting Thtar Champion!
Spermy Boi: Boy, that was a mouthful.
David Arquette slowly gets back to his feet as he is handed his brand new title belt!
Feargal Nukebuster: Don't forget Thpermy Boi, not only hath Arquette beaten Broman Brainth but he'th beaten Dave Thelthzer athwell! Thith wath a three way danthe after all!
Spermy Boi: The miracle kid, David Arquette! What a guy, eh Feargal?
David Arquette is the NEW CW Shooting Star Champion!
We cut to backstage with current XHF Lickass Champion, Dylan Viper - he does not look happy one bit, in-fact, he looks rather pissed off. Not even slung on his shoulder, but held loosely in his hand, is the XHF Lickass title. He shakes his head as a reporter walks on up to him and greets him.
Reporter: Hallo Dylan I hired by Jefe to ask coople questions.
Dylan almost rolls his eyes before answering back.
Dylan Viper: What?
The reporter looks a little taken back but continues never-the-less.
Reporter: Wondering I was how deos it fell to be teh XHF Lickarss Champion?
Dylan almost laughs, seeing it as a joke.
Dylan Viper: I don't know really. Not sure why I even hold the belt to begin with. I was just given it by a random man on the streets who proclaimed to be God - took it home with me thinking he was joking, next thing I know I'm contractually obliged to come here and defend it. Then I find out it's a 24/7 title meaning anyone can attack me at any time and beat me for it.
Reporter: If u dont want too be on Champoon Wrasslin wyh dont u let soneome pn u for teh belt? I be happy to oblije.
Dylan sneers his nose.
Dylan Viper: You think I'm going to lay down for any of these chumps? I'm a world class champion, heck I won the Tag Team Annihilator at XHF's End of Days - you really think I'm going to let a rando job me out? I have pride and arrogance, while I really don't want to be here, I certainly won't be able to bare the fact that a weirdo has beaten me.
The reporter nods his head.
Reporter: Ah I sea. But I no rando...
i jefe.
The reporter rips off his mask to reveal the CW World Heavyweight Champion, Jefe, underneath! He bonks the microphone on the head of Viper and whips him into the backdrop! Viper crashes to the floor as Jefe lays kick after kick into the Lickass Champion! He picks him up and looks for the Jefe chokeslam, but Dylan fights back and fends him off! Jefe runs away with his World Heavyweight belt in tow and disappears from sight - Dylan looks so pissed off.
As the 'Waluigi & Wario Theme - Mario Tennis Aces Soundtrack' blasts throughout the PA, the lights flash bright yellow and purple. The crowd boo like crazy as Wario and Waluigi stalk their ways out onto the entrance ramp and taunt the audiences with their "WAH"s making the fan's ears bleed with the nauseating sound. Wario turns to Waluigi and shoves his chest, shouting "WALUIGI, GET THE WAHBLES!". Both men continue their stalking down the ramp and into the ring.
Feargal Nukebuster: THEY'RE BACK THPERMY BOI! THEY'RE BACK!
Spermy Boi: Last seen at End of Days night one - now they're here to fight for the Tag Team titles in a tables match!
Their opponents, the Farmyard, consisting of Ambrosia Al and Cornish Colin, are waiting in the ring. Wario climbs up the steps whereas Waluigi scales the apron and walks on over the ropes. As soon as they enter the ring the referee rings the bell and the match begins.
DING! DING! DING!
Feargal Nukebuster: Waithting no time here!
Spermy Boi: Good! We ain't got time to waste - we have a time slot to fulfill on the network - although, if Jefe beats the Mongolian Giant here tonight - it means we can air whenever we like!
Feargal Nukebuster: Jefe time?
Spermy Boi: Jefe time!
WAH Machine immediately attack the Farmyard with some hard shots - but Ambrosia Al and Cornish Colin soon fight back! The crowd are massively behind the Farmyard, even though they got the jobber entrance - maybe it's because they hate WAH Machine so much? I mean, it's not like WAH Machine get heel heat, they get 'go away' heat, so...? Waluigi scales to the top rope.
Feargal Nukebuster: Watch out now!
He dives down and takes out Cornish Colin with a massive cross-body! Meanwhile, Wario kicks Al in the balls and Irish whips him against the ropes - on the rebound dropping him with a stiff clothesline.
Spermy Boi: That was almost as stiff as my whale penis!
Feargal Nukebuster: ...
Waluigi gets back to his feet and helps his brother Wario in beating down Ambrosia Al! They pick him up and drop him again with a DOUBLE SUPERKICK! They turn around and are smacked with a massive wooden table, not a wrestling table, a real wooden table from furniture land. Cornish Colin slides in after it and punches on the stunned WAH Machine before they ultimately fight back and dump him on his ass.
Spermy Boi: I- I don't think they picked out the right table. Doesn't look like it'll break.
Feargal Nukebuster: KAYFABE, JEETH!
Wario sets up the table but Ambrosia Al has recovered from the double superkick - he clocks him in the back of the head as Ambrosia Al fights back against Waluigi. The Farmyard trying their best to build up momentum.
Feargal Nukebuster: Why didn't the Farmyard get an entranthe?
Spermy Boi: Because they're not winning.
Feargal Nukebuster: But they mi-
Spermy Boi: It's Jefe's fed, he's bias to his kliq buddies.
Feargal Nukebuster: Tho you're thaying that WAH Mathine are in a backthtage kliq with Jefe?
Spermy Boi: Precisely.
The Farmyard finish setting up the table but WAH Machine are finished selling for them - they hop back onto their feet and take them out, before Wario drops Colin with a STONE COLD STUNNER! Colin rolls out of the ring as Waluigi looks to Wario and nods.
Feargal Nukebuster: Okay it theemth you're right thperm, they're about to hit the 4D!
Spermy Boi: Told ya so.
Waluigi whips Ambrosia Al against the ropes and on the rebound flapjacks him into the air - Wario catching him mid-air for the stunner!
BUT THE TABLE DOESN'T BREAK!
"I AM THE TABLE"
Wario lands awkwardly on the table, almost breaking his back - Al face-plants the solid hardwood.
Feargal Nukebuster: OOF! Thoutout to Dithcord!
Spermy Boi: Am I missing a reference here?
Waluigi helps his brother back to his feet and both men angrily stare at the table - they yell profanities at it and start swearing. "WAH!" "WAH!" WAH!". They can't believe the table didn't put them over so they begin to beat it up, kicking and stomping at it. It starts to crack a little - but they don't stop - they are blinded with anger.
THEN IT BREAKS!
WARIO STOMPS HIS FOOT RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF IT!
Feargal Nukebuster: Wait, doeth that mean...
Spermy Boi: N- no way...
DING! DING! DING!
HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPS - THE FARMYARD!
The crowd go wild as the unconscious Farmyard are handed their new belts. The referee almost draping them over their heads. WAH Machine are frozen with shock - they were meant to win this - but anger cost them their matchup!
Feargal Nukebuster: Ambrothia Al and Cornith Colin are the FIRTHT EVER CW World Tag Team Champointh!
Spermy Boi: Jefe is not going to be happy with this!
WAH Machine are still unmoving - the shock has frozen them. The Farmyard start to stir and are dawned with the reality that they are tag team champions - the referee, fearing for the tag team's lives, rolls them out of the ring and to outside. He then helps them back to their feet and leads them back through the curtains as WAH Machine still remain still.
Feargal Nukebuster: A- are they gon- gonna thtay there all night?
Spermy Boi: L- looks like it.
The camera cuts to their faces, Wario's eye is twitching - as is Waluigi's nose. Steam is almost bellowing out of their ears.
Feargal Nukebuster: L- let'th cut backthtage before they do thomething scary!
Spermy Boi: G- good idea.
We cut to backstage where the Farmyard have just stumbled through the curtain, their new tag team titles slung around their shoulders. The camera then pans to the left of them and standing there is a female interviewer and none other than former AWA star and End of Days competitor, Daruun Michael. On his head is a straw hat and in his mouth a piece of straw.
Interviewer: Ladies and gentlemen joining me at this time, the NEW CW World Tag Team Champions - the Farmyard - and their leader? Daruun Michael?
Daruun gives the camera a cheeky little wink as Ambrosia Al and Cornish Colin stagger up to him, high-fiving him as they celebrate their massive win.
Interviewer: Now Daruun, why oh why are you a farmer? And why on Earth did you sign up to Champoon Wrasslin? What the hell is going on?!
Daruun lets out a little chuckle before speaking, putting on a fake but realistic farmer accent.
Daruun Michael: Well ya see... I now a farmer 'cause my momma always told me to follow ma dream! My dream bein' that of a farmer, ya know. Now I found Ambrosia Al and Cornish Colin on ma quest to seek out the biggest eggplant on Planet Earth - We got to a talkin' and from there I introduced 'em to wrasslin! So we immediately signed up to tha only place that'd take 'em and boom, 'ere we are.
Interviewer: Wait, so they don't know how to wrestle?
Daruun Michael: What, you thought they did? Did ya not just see 'em out there?! All they can do is throw punches! Can't believe my lads won the tag team titles in their debut!
All three of them cheer as Ambrosia Al and Cornish Colin raise their championships high in the air!
Interviewer: Are you not scared of the repercussions you're going to get from Jefe and WAH Machine?
Daruun chuckles to himself.
Daruun Michael: They may be the kliq, but we the Farmyard! 'nd with our shovels, tractors and combine harvesters we will prevail!
All three cheer again as they walk off camera and sing "combine harvester".
Some piano keys are heard, growing louder and louder. Suddenly, the rock and roll kicks in and the vocals are heard.
"I look to the sky but there's nobody watching'
Left here behind all alone and forgotten
So now the world belongs to me, the world belongs to me"
Dylan steps out from behind the curtain, flipping his hair back and grinning, savoring every boo, jeer, and death threat that comes his way. Looking down at the XHF Lickass Championship around his waist, he unfastens it and holds it high up for everyone to see. He then walks down the aisle, using the Lick Ass Championship as a stand-in for an air guitar and walks down the aisle like Uncle Hogan did, playing the air guitar with his belt.
Spermy Boi: I thought he hated the title?
Feargal Nukebuster: I think he'th mocking it, Thperm.
"So many roads that I've taken, when nobody thought I could make it
And even though I had to go it alone, I still survived"
As he approaches the ring, he walks towards the camera and motions to the championship. He kneels in front of the camera, looking around with a distain across his face...
Dylan Black: See this championship? Shit ain't going nowhere for a LONG time! Unfortunately.
"Sometimes your mind will provide the illusion
And your life can change in the blink of an eye, yeah"
Dylan stands up and climbs the apron, hopping over the ropes into the ring, sitting in his corner and blowing a kiss at the camera, shedding his entrance gear as the music dies down, hugging his championship tightly to his chest.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well Dylan thure lookth ready for thith match-up!
Spermy Boi: Can you blame him?! He doesn't want to lose to some random jobber like Jefe.
Feargal Nukebuster: You did not just say that.
Spermy Boi: Oh shit... I've fucked up Feargal, I've fucked up!
Spermy Boi: I thought he hated the title?
Feargal Nukebuster: I think he'th mocking it, Thperm.
"So many roads that I've taken, when nobody thought I could make it
And even though I had to go it alone, I still survived"
As he approaches the ring, he walks towards the camera and motions to the championship. He kneels in front of the camera, looking around with a distain across his face...
Dylan Black: See this championship? Shit ain't going nowhere for a LONG time! Unfortunately.
"Sometimes your mind will provide the illusion
And your life can change in the blink of an eye, yeah"
Dylan stands up and climbs the apron, hopping over the ropes into the ring, sitting in his corner and blowing a kiss at the camera, shedding his entrance gear as the music dies down, hugging his championship tightly to his chest.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well Dylan thure lookth ready for thith match-up!
Spermy Boi: Can you blame him?! He doesn't want to lose to some random jobber like Jefe.
Feargal Nukebuster: You did not just say that.
Spermy Boi: Oh shit... I've fucked up Feargal, I've fucked up!
Suddenly Jefe walks on out of the curtains, microphone in hand - title around his waist. Dylan sighs thinking Jefe's here for him, but he hadn't heard what commentary just said.
Jefe: u want too cool jefe jobber?
i jefe
and i fire u.
Dylan thinks he's been fired and goes to celebrate - but then realizes Jefe's talking to commentary and more importantly Spermy Boi. Dylan watches on in confusion as security pick the sperm off of the seat and launch him outside of the warehouse - Feargal sits there all quiet and scared.
Jefe: now jefe join comentary, jefe new comentary.
Jefe makes his way down the ramp and to the merchandise table, sitting on sperm's seat and joining Feargal Nukebuster - putting on a headset.
Jefe: this thig on?
Feargal Nukebuster: Welcome Jefe, it's, uh, good to, uh, have you here with me!
Jefe: yes.
In the distraction Dylan turns around and is hit with the Kosher Dill Spears! A SPEAR! The Jewish Juggernaut has debuted and hit the Lickass Champion with a spear! He picks him up and drops him with the infamous...
Jacobowitz Hammer!
THE JACKHAMMER!
He makes a pinfall but the referee is still running down the ramp, Jefe has had enough of waiting and counts it himself on the commentary.
Jefe: one too three!
The bell rings and Jacob looks confused - but then realizes that Jefe counted it for him and celebrates! Dylan almost immediately kicks out but it doesn't matter - Jefe has screwed him of the belt.
NEW XHF LICKASS CHAMPION - JACOB JACOBOWITZ!
DYLAN NO LONGER HOLDS THE BELT!
The Jewish Juggernaut immediately runs out of the ring and celebrates on the outside, taunting the fans with his newly one XHF Lickass title!
Feargal Nukebuster: Well Jacob Jacobowitth ith the NEW Champion!
Jefe: yes.
Out of nowhere however he is rolled up by a tiny 190 pounds, 5' 11" man. The referee is down at ringside so is able to make the pinfall.
ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
Feargal Nukebuster: "The Peeper" Harry Nutter ith the NEW XHF Lickathh Champion!
Jefe: yes pedophile new jefe lickarss champoon, great beesnees.
Not for long however! As Jacob gets back up straight away and hits Harry Nutter with the Kosher Dill Spears! He covers him...
ONE...! TWO...! THREE...!
DING! DING! DING! NEW CHAMPION!
Jacob picks up the belt and turns around only to be met with a...
BOUNTY COLLECTION!
THE KINSHASA!
Dylan covers!
ONE...! TWO...! THREE...!
DING! DING! DING! DYLAN HAS REGAINED THE TITLE!
Feargal Nukebuster: I'm lothing count! Where'th Bryon Thexton?! The match wath originally thceduled to be him verthuth Dylan Viper!
Jefe: false advertisenmont, great beesnees stratogy yah.
Dylan grabs the title and heads into the crowd - he's had enough for one day!
We open in the morning light as the sun shines off a mountain.
......A mountain of cans and bottles. Atop the mountain sits a gleaming belt....
Suddenly a groan is heard and the mountain moves. From out of the left side comes an arm, gripped in its hand is another gleaming belt....
.....The pile shifts more, small avalanches take place and from the right side of the sliding pile comes another arm- with yet another- less shiny title in hand.....
More urps and other unpleasant moans and sounds come as slowly the figure of a man ascends the alcoholic pile.....revealing itself to be the suited form of AWF Star, Nelly Angel.....'s brother and manager, Randy Angel. As he's coming too the camera pans down to his waist to reveal yet another title.......
Randy sits up, rubs his head with one of the belts. He looks at them, all four of them.
Randy: Oh my gosh.....I......I won the X*Crown......
As if by some mystical force, some of the empty cans move from next to Randy to reveal a clipboard with a poorly written piece of paper on it. It reads, "CONTRACT: JEFE'S FED....UH....CW OR SOMETHING. SIGNED BY RANDY, TOTALLY LEGAL."
Randy: Wow, I'm also under contract somewhere. Well it's time to be the best X*Crown Champion ever!
.......
Randy: Right after this nap.
He then curls up into a comfy ball of titles, cans, and bottles. Goodnight (afternoon?) Randy....
Ladders have been set up around the warehouse and Jefe gets up from the merchandise table - he heads straight to the ring with his World Heavyweight title and slides on in - waiting for his opponent, XHF Network Fuehrer, the Mongolian Giant. If Jefe wins he can air Champoon Wrasslin' whenever he feels like it, which he has rightly dubbed, 'jefe time'.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well it lookth like I'll be calling the main event of Wratthlemania alone!
Jefe, climbs up one turnbuckle and raises the title up high - he shouts "where jefe pyro". Suddenly, massive, dangerous pyro goes off inside the warehouse and the audience scream, fearing for their lives. It soon stops and Jefe smiles 'i jefe and i likey'. Then the lights go dark blue as the Mongolian Giant steps on out of the curtain and heads straight to the ring - standing at 8'0" and weighing in at just under fat. He climbs over the ropes and into the ring as the referee takes the belt from off of Jefe and places it on the rung to be hung from in this ladder match. He then rings the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
Jefe immediately rushes at the Giant but bounces off of his belly, hitting the mat hard. The Mongolian Giant takes a few seconds to bend down, trying to pick up the CW World Heavyweight Champion - but Jefe rolls out of the ring and storms around ringside - visibly angry.
Feargal Nukebuster: I can't get over how big the Mongolian Giant ith!
The Mongolian Giant takes one step over the top rope when Jefe jumps onto the apron and kicks it. The rope goes straight up into the Mongolian Giant's testicular region. He yelps in pain as Jefe does it again - and again - once more - twice more - again and again - and again - until the Mongolian Giant has fallen back into the ring clutching his balls. Jefe immediately scales the top rope and stands atop there for a few seconds - shaking as he's never actually been on top of a turnbuckle before.
Feargal Nukebuster: No way he'th going to do thith!
Jefe shouts "i jefe not scared off anythng' and jumps for a soaring elbow! Except, he jumps too far and barely grazes the forehead of the Mongolian Giant! But that doesn't stop Jefe, he gets straight back to his feet and lays kick after kick upon the Giant!
Feargal Nukebuster: Jefe JUTHT connected with that elbow! But I don't think it did much!
The Giant can't get back to his feet because he's so abnormally big. This doesn't stop Jefe however - he just continues to kick and stomp! Eventually, Jefe tires and stops - rolling out of the ring and heading towards a ladder. He picks it up and slides it back into the ring before getting in after it and setting it up.
Feargal Nukebuster: We may be theeing the finith here!
He stares at the rungs for quite a while - his body shaking. Jefe's scared of heights. He needs to climb as to get the title and secure 'jefe time' on the network - but he just can't find the willpower to do so. Suddenly, the Mongolian Giant has gotten back to his feet through the use of the ropes and is charging at the World Heavyweight Champion! Jefe moves out of the way though and the eight foot monster goes crashing into the ladder - breaking it in half and staggering backwards! Jefe shouts for him to turn around, and like all cliches in wrestling, he turns around. Jefe reaches up as far as he possibly can to just barely grab the Giant's throat - he then attempts to lift him for the jefeslam but to no use. The Giant wraps his massive hands around Jefe's throat and lifts him into the air.
Feargal Nukebuster: Oh no, thith ithn't going to be pretty!
Jefe fights back however! The Giant may be lifting him high in the air but that won't stop Jefe from punching him in the face! The Mongolian Giant starts to lose grip and eventually drops Jefe! The crowd pop as Jefe scrambles back to his feet and begins to rapidly punch the Mongolian Giant in the stomach. The Giant's belly just wobbles - but that, like most things, doesn't stop Jefe.
Feargal Nukebuster: I can't believe I'm commentating on Champoon Wrathhlin'... And to think Kim Kardathian wath my girlfriend not tho long ago...
Jefe runs against the ropes and looks to clothesline the Mongolian Giant - but only clotheslines his fat belly. The Mongolian Giant just wobbles and Jefe runs against the ropes again - once more hitting a clothesline to the belly! Still the Giant staggers! Jefe goes for it one last time but the Giant lifts up his leg and hits one hell of a BIG BOOT! Jefe is flattened.
Feargal Nukebuster: rip.
The Mongolian Giant reaches up to grab the title but is just under an inch - he needs a ladder - unfortunately for him, Jefe made him break the last one. So the Mongolian Giant takes an eternity to step over the ring ropes, down to ringside, grab a new ladder, slide it into the ring, climb back onto the apron, then over the top rope and back into the ring. He bends down and starts to set it up as the crowd boo.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well it lookth like we're gonna have a new World Heavyweight Champion! And hith name ith the Mongolian Giant!
The Mongolian Giant places one foot on the first rung and the ladder wobbles, on the verge of breaking - these ladders weren't built for someone like him to use - Jefe is a genius! The Giant takes his foot back off of the rung and marches around the ring angrily - how on Earth is he going to scale up there and grab the title?! But he need not wonder anymore - Jefe is back on his feet!
Feargal Nukebuster: The man! The Myth! The... Jefe...
Jefe low-blows the Mongolian Giant to a thunderous pop - poor Giant and his testicular region. Jefe low-blows him again! The crowd pop! Once more! The crowd go wild! The Giant bends down to clutch his balls - Jefe takes a few steps back and lines up his foot...
JEFEKICK!
SUPERKICK!
THE GIANT STUMBLES! Jefe lines him up again...
JEFEKICK!
THE GIANT IS ON HIS LAST LEG! Jefe takes one last big breath...
JEFEKICKKKKKKK!
THE MONGOLIAN GIANT FALLS!
Jefe watches the man mountain collapse and shrieks in excitement and adrenaline - he looks at the ladder, all the fear that was once in him draining away, he shouts a defiant war cry before running up the ladder and reaching the top! HE GRABS THE TITLE! HE BRINGS IT DOWN!
DING! DING! DING!
JEFE HAS RETAINED THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
Feargal Nukebuster: I can't believe it, Jefe actually did it! Jefe ith thtill the World Heavyweight Champion and hath altho earnt the right to have 'jefe time' on the network!
Jefe stays atop the ladder with the CW World Heavyweight Championship around his shoulder - he raises his arms in victory and some more dangerous indoor pyros go off! The Mongolian Giant still lays unconscious on the mat.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well that'th all we have time for here tonight! I've been Feargal Nukebuthter joined with Thperm for the firtht half of the thow and Jefe for the thecond! We'll thee you next time... But Jefe, when'th next time?!
The camera zooms into Jefe's face atop the ladder.