Champoon Wrasslin': Icon Country 26/11/18
Nov 26, 2018 16:37:15 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Steele, and 5 more like this
Post by The King on Nov 26, 2018 16:37:15 GMT -5
We cut open to Jefe standing on a table in cafeteria - around his shoulder is the CW World Heavyweight Championship. Intense music blares out of a portable speaker set up on the floor. The rest of the Champoon Wrasslin' roster are surrounding him. Either side of him are his kliq buddies, Wario and Waluigi, collectively known as WAH Machine. Jefe asks for silence but isn't given it.
Jefe: pls bee queit for jefe
The rest of the roster continue to talk to each other loudly. Jefe looks down at his kliq buddies and starts to get infuriated, they shake their heads - disappointed at the disobedience coming out of everyone's mouths.
Jefe: SHAT THEE FACK UP!
Everyone falls silent as Jefe slams his foot upon the table (nearly causing himself to go straight through it). Jefe's face of pure anger cools down a little as everyone just watches him in silence.
Jefe: tonigt wee hav some specail guasts jooning us hare in Champoon Wrasslin'! Non othar than thee XHF Word Targ Tearm Champoons, the Icans! now I wunt everyoone to bee on there best behavur two ensare they put in a goord world for us at the XHF Netwoke so I can get thee X*Croon Champoon to feetuare on me show and i win X*Croon Champoon becoose i jefe. understad?
The roster turn and look at one another, remaining completely silent, not sure how to react. Most couldn't really catch what Jefe was saying, those that did though, were left stunned.
Jefe: two ensare that thee icans dont sea us as churmps, i have hiored thee breast enforcar posible to mak sure things dotn goew rong. if u disobay him then he wil cohke u aout. Jefe enforcar bee... THE SHOCKEMARSTER!
The Shockmaster bursts his way through the cafeteria wall and flops straight onto the floor. He immediately gets back to his feet and looks around at the silent lockeroom - under that mask, he's on the verge of tears. He begins to speak, his voice all weak and Texan.
Shockmaster: I- I don't think I can enforce anymore... I- I- I- I just tore my quad!
Jefe is stunned into silence. The Shockmaster limps his way to a chair and sits down, he places his mask into his hands and begins to cry. Jefe doesn't know how to react.
Jefe: wel who wil enfarce thise evont naw?
Suddenly, levitating up from the crowd of people and shining with pure gold a god appears. He looks around at the stunned roster and then towards Jefe, who looks at him in complete awe.
BIG DRAG: I WILL!
We cut to the merchandise stand with Feargal Nukebuster and the recently rehired, (and aptly renamed as to make the event seem more serious), Sperm. (Now going under the new name of Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale).
Feargal Nukebuster: Welcome everyone to Champoon Wrathhlin'... Icon Country! I'm Feargal Nukebuster and joining me tonight, the recently rehired...
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: IM BACK BITCHES! AND NOW IT'S SUPER SERIOUS SAM THE SPERM WHALE! *serious whale noise*.
The cameras cut to where there would normally be some entrance curtains and a mini ramp, but today in Jefe's warehouse, there's a full on titantron and entrance stage for the wrestlers to come down (pyro and all!). Talking of pyro, it explodes into the warehouse as Hava Nagila plays decently well out of the brand new PA system.
Feargal Nukebuster: Tho much new fanthy gear! I hope it lathth longer than jutht thith one night!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: I HOPE SO TOO! *SUPER serious whale noise*
Jacob Jacobowitz marches his way onto the stage as the crowd loudly boo, the brand new titantron shows videos of him preaching to young people - and the Mongolian Giant. Speaking of, the Mongolian Giant strolls onto the entrance stage aswell, following behind Jacobowitz' lead.
Feargal Nukebuster: Ath wath revealed latht thow, Mongolian Giant ith Jacob Jacobowithth'th brand new Jewith Protege!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: I hear it's because the Mongolian Giant was lost and needed guidance or a religion to follow. Though, he didn't really listen to the guidance well when last week he forgot what he was meant to do for his Jewish master.
Feargal Nukebuster: Ah well, we all make mithtaketh.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: We all make what?
Feargal Nukebuster: We all make mithta- HEY NOT FUNNY!
Both men roll into the ring and taunt the crowd, they loudly boo as Jacobowitz continues to preach Judaism to them - the Mongolian Giant trying his best to help but accidentally preaching Islam. Jacobowitz is handed a mic and taps it a few times, just to make sure it's on.
Jacob Jacobowitz: Listen up my fellows Jews! I have a preposition to make!
The crowd boo at being called Jews, after all they follow the religion of Jefe, known only as the Jefetians.
Jacob Jacobowitz: To any brothers in the back that wish to be enlightened by me and my Jewish protege, then now is your chance to shine! Let that light of Jesus guide you towards salvation - step into the ring with the Jewish Juggernaut and feel the power of circumcision!
Feargal and Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale look at one another in confusion.
Feargal Nukebuster: I'm guethhing thith ith an open challenge of thome thortth?
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: Well I'd say so. Not too sure though... Question is, who will answer it?
Mongolian Giant picks his nose whilst waiting patiently behind his master. Jacobowitz is shouting at the entrance stage for a team to come challenge them. Suddenly, Hot Buttered Anal - Flaming Robots bursts into the PA as the crowd react with confusion. Out from the stage comes a robot, who is wearing a cowboy hat and jacket. From what we can tell, it is gay.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well thith ith... Interethting... I guess...
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: I THOUGHT WE WERE MEANT TO BE SERIOUS! GEE! I CHANGED MY GOSH DARN NAME FOR NOTHING! *annoyed whale call*
Robert the gay cowboy robot has a built in microphone on his arm, he pulls it up to his mouth and speaks through the speakers. His voice all distorted and robotic, of course. Oh, and very, very camp.
Robert: B0YZ IF YOU W4NNA ENLIGHT3N ME TH3N 1M ALL UP F0R IT!
The crowd react in shock as Jacobowitz covers Mongolian Giant's ears and shakes his head profusely.
Feargal Nukebuster: OH MY!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: SERIOUS! SUPER SERIOUS! STOP THIS! REEEEEEEEE!
Jacob brings the microphone back to his mouth.
Jacob Jacobowitz: NO! GOOD GOD NO! NO NO NO! ENLIGHTENMENT - As in... JUDAISM! NOT- OH GOD NO- NOT... NOT SEX WITH A ROBOT!
Robert the gay cowboy robot twirls his robotic booty around as the crowd loudly boo. Jacobowitz stops covering Mongolian Giants ears and moves his hands down to the Giant's eyes - stopping him from seeing this wretched sight.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: STOP! THE ICONS ARE BACKSTAGE! THEY CAN'T SEE THIS! THEY NEED TO THINK WE'RE SUPER SERIOUS NOT STUPIDLY HORRENDOUS! REEEEEEEEE!
Feargal Nukebuster: WHY ITH THE ROBOT TURNING ME ON?! MY DICK ITH THOLID!
...
Robert: Y0U C4N TURN MY FL0PPY DI5K INT0 A H4RDRIV3!
...
Jacob Jacobowitz: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Feargal Nukebuster: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Big Drag storms his way onto the entrance stage with a flamethrower and sets the fucking robot on fire! The crowd explode with excitement as the Robot goes up in flames!
BIG DRAG: LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS NO MORE FUCKING FUNNY BUSINESS! BIG DRAG IS IN THE HOUSE AND WHEN HE WISHES TO ENFORCE YOU WILL COMPLY! SO STOP PLAYING YOUR FUN FUCKING GAMES AND MAN THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BURN YOU TO THE FUCKING GROUND WITH MY BITCHTITS ASSWAD SHITFISTED FLAMETHROWER!
The crowd explode with excitement as the robot melts to the ground.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: WOW! NOW THIS IS WHY HE IS A GOD!
Feargal Nukebuster: Latht thow he theemed tho nithe thaving people! NOW HE'TH BURNING PEOPLE! WHAT ITH WRONG WITH THITH COMPANY AND IT'TH THITTY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?!
The fire alarms are suddenly turned on and the crowd are showered by sprinklers. They all scream and leave the warehouse... IT'S ON FIRE!
Feargal Nukebuster: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
BIG DRAG: THAT'S RIGHT BURN! FUCKING BURN IN THE NAME SAKE OF SERIOUSNESS! OOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
We are now outside Jefe's warehouse and basically in his 'backyard'. (Fuck you BYOB, this is our territory now!)
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: Apologies for the video cutting there! THE WAREHOUSE JUST BURNT DOWN! But never the less we have an extra ring, unlike BYOB who uh, don't actually have a ring, and we will put on Icons vs WAH Machine in Jefe's backyard! AND IT WILL BE SUPER SERIOUS!
Feargal Nukebuster: Indeed it will be! Ethpethially with Big Drag ath tonight'th thpethial enforther!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: Talking of Big Drag - we're gonna go backstage and see the fallout from the incident that occurred no less than an hour or so ago!
Feargal Nukebuster: Backthtage?
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: Okay that was a lie, I meant Jefe's shed.
We see Jefe flanked either side by WAH Machine - he's having a go at Big Drag for burning down his warehouse.
Jefe: lok wat u don! burn jefe wairhoose dawn! HOWE card U?!
Big Drag salutes his boss and stands up straight with the upmost respect.
BIG DRAG: WITH THE UPMOST SYMPATHY I AM VERY SORRY YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS BUT I HAD TO ENSURE THAT EVERYTHING WAS SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS AND THAT GAY COWBOY ROBOT WAS NOT SERIOUS ONE BIT SO I HAD TO BURN HIM TO THE GROUND BUT UNFORTUNATELY IN MY ATTEMPT TO DO THAT I SET THE WAREHOUSE ON FIRE BUT WE ARE LUCKY THAT THE ICONS HAVEN'T ARRIVED YET I GUESS THEY'LL JUST HAVE TO IGNORE THE MASSIVE RAGING FIRE GOING ON NEXT TO THE BACKYARD THOUGH I'VE GOT TO SAY IT SMELLS PRETTY FUCKING BAD AND THOSE TOXIC FUMES ARE SUPER SERIOUS SO MAYBE THEY'LL LIKE IT SO MAYBE I'VE ACTUALLY DONE YOU A FAVOR SIR BUT MAYBE I HAVEN'T WHO KNOWS!
Jefe looks between his kliq buddies, then back to his enforcer.
Jefe: yas?
Feargal Nukebuster: THPEAKING OF THE ICONTH... THEY'RE HERE!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: EVERYONE ACT SERIOUS!
Everyone goes queit, even the crowd, and they all start to act all serious and mysterious. The Icons pull up in their truck and park up next to the ring, the door swings open all badass-like, and Bobby Barratt steps out, shades on - followed by Jack Diamond. They look around at the poor set-up, almost confused - seeing as this wasn't exactly the venue they were promised. Then they look off in the distance and see the raging fire where once a warehouse stood. Barratt turns to look at Diamond.
Bobby Barratt: You uh, sure we're in the right place Jack?
Jack doesn't take his eyes off of the burning warehouse.
Jack Diamond: I was told it was here, maybe I got told the wrong information... Let me check...
Jack checks his phone.
Jack Diamond: Nope, this is it...
Suddenly, bursting out of the shed are WAH Machine! They charge at the Icons and jump them from behind - the crowd can't remain serious for any longer, they just have to react! And react they do, they fucking mark out to seeing the Icons - so much so fans are starting to go crazy.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: EVERYONE CALM DOWN! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
Feargal Nukebuster: THITH PLATHE ITH BECOMING INTHANE!
WAH Machine roll Bobby Barratt and Jack Diamond into the ring and slide in after them - shouting at the referee to ring the bell!
Feargal Nukebuster: And through thith chaoth WAH Mathine are looking to thteal the tag team titleth!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: NOT LIKE THIS, BY GOD! THIS ISN'T SERIOUS AT ALL!
DING! DING! DING!
WE ARE UNDERWAY WITH THIS TITLE MATCH MAIN EVENT!
Feargal Nukebuster: Thith ith it! The Iconth are actually competing in Champoon Wrathhlin'... I can hardly believe it!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: WHY WOULDN'T THEY?! THIS FED IS SUPER SERIOUS!
WAH Machine continue to stomp on the downed Icons after they had just jumped them - Bobby Barratt and Jack Diamond weren't even given a chance to take off their jackets.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: THIS IS UNLAWFUL! BUT I LOVE IT BECAUSE IT IS SO SERIOUS!
Feargal Nukebuster: Chill man! You really wanna thee WAH Mathine with the XHF World Tag Team Championthipth?!
Wario and Waluigi both pick Barratt up and whip him against the ropes, on the rebound hitting him with a double big boot! Diamond starts to stir and WAH Machine notice, they kick and stomp on his head some more before heading back over to Barratt and lifting him up again.
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: Okay I have a question... WHERE ARE THE FUCKING RULES?! SURELY ONLY ONE OF EACH SHOULD BE TAGGED IN?! WHO'S THE LEGAL MAN?! THIS ISN'T SERIOUS! REEEEE!
Feargal Nukebuster: Thhhhhhh, don't forthe Big Drag to come back out here and burn the whole backyard!
Bobby is back on his feet thanks to help from WAH Machine. They once more whip him against the ropes, on the rebound hitting him with another big boot, boring the crowd into boos.
Feargal Nukebuster: *yawn*
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS MATCH SERIOUSLY! GEEZ!
Jack Diamond finally gets back to his feet and clocks Wario in the back of the head, garnering one hell of a pop! Waluigi is immediately on him though, he backs the former X*Crown Champion up into the corner of the ring and chokes him - trying to make him pass out. Diamond fights back however and sends Waluigi packing to the mat! Wario charges at Diamond for a corner splash but Diamond moves out of the way and Wario crashes chest first into the turnbuckle! He stumbles backwards...
Feargal Nukebuster: OH NO...
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: NO WAY!
Bobby Barratt is back on his feet, Wario walks straight into the...
DISTORTION KICK!
HE TURNS AROUND WITH THE IMPACT!
...and stumbles straight into Jack Diamond with the...
STACKED DECK!
WARIO FLOPS TO THE MAT! UNCONSCIOUS!
Feargal Nukebuster: BY GOD IT'TH GOTTA BE OVER!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: SO SOON?! SO SOON?!
As Jack is about to cover one half of WAH Machine the other half comes bounding into the ring! Charging towards him! But Bobby Barratt is having none of it! Waluigi runs straight into the...
ICONBREAKER!
WAH MACHINE ARE DONE FOR!
Jack covers Wario as the referee drops to his knees and counts...
ONE...! TWO...! THREE...!
IT'S ALL OVER, JUST, LIKE, THAT!
Feargal Nukebuster: Here are you winnerth and the THTILL the XHF World Tag Team Championth! THE ICONTH!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: AND THEY DID IT IN SUPER SERIOUS FASHION! FIVE STARS I TELL YA! FIVE FUCKING STARS!
Feargal Nukebuster: That wath about ath quick ath Raymond lothing the Undithputed Champonthip!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: AND IT LASTED AS LONG AS MY WILL TO LIVE!
The Icons get back to their feet as they are handed the XHF World Tag Team Championships - they look at one another and just decide to leave - rolling out of the ring and heading straight to their truck - getting back in it and driving out of the yard and leaving, never to be seen in Champoon Wrasslin' again.
Feargal Nukebuster: Well, uh, at leatht they defended their titleth in the time thpan!
Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale: I'M MARKING OUT MAN THAT MATCH WAS SO FREAKIN EPIC!
Jefe comes out from the shed and heads straight into the ring, shaking his head at WAH Machine laying unconscious on the mat. He gives his kliq buddies a little kick before grabbing a microphone and addressing the crowd, still gathered in his backyard.
Jefe: okuy jefe shaw ise ovar pls leeve
No-one leaves, everyone has gone loony and are still marking out like crazy, seeing as they just watched the Icons compete in a CW match.
Jefe: okuy goyz... im bein serioos
Suddenly, bursting through the middle of the ring canvas and shooting into the sky, flamethrower in hand, is Big Drag!
BIG DRAG: HE'S BEING SUPER FUCKIN SERIOUS!
