The News! - Plank injury update! Title match set! Drama!

[Steele]

The video skips and jumps so badly that you can't make out what is supposed to be happening on-screen.

All you can hear is the audio track, and even that is warping to near-unrecognisable amounts.

Suffice to say, it sounds too hardcore for even the XHF Network.

It sounds like a typical Saturday night for Jeffrey Viper, except with a woman involved.







We see a closed door. The camera shot lingers on it for a moment, and then the door opens - and out walks The Good Doctor.

He stops as he spots Pixie Styx standing outside the room with a microphone in her hand.





Pixie Styx: Good Doctor, do you have an update for us on Plank's condition?


The doctor shakes his head.


The Good Doctor: It's not good I'm afraid. Plank's suffering from a particularly debilitating condition, that we in the medical profession call BIHS, or, "Broken In Half Syndrome."

Pixie Styx: How soon do you think Plank will be able to return to action?

The Good Doctor: It's too early to say at this point.

Pixie Styx: And what about the Super Hardcore Championship?

The Good Doctor: That's not really my decision to make. But it looks like Plank might be out of action for some time. I would strongly recommend that the title be vacated and a new champion crowned. Now, if you'll excuse me.

Pixie Styx: Of course.


Pixie turns to the camera with a grave expression on her face.


Pixie Styx: Well shit, Trevor's gonna be fucking pissed.







We go to the news desk. Skeeter is still wearing a bandage on his head after his fall from the treehouse during last week's title match.





Trevor: It's a dark, dark day in BYOB history. Last week we crowned our first ever Super Hardcore Champion when Plank valiantly inserted himself into a match between Skeeter and Nobody and shocked the world by pinning Skeeter. Tonight, Plank lies in two pieces in the medical facility, and I have it on good authority that he won't be able to return to the ring for some time.

Therefore it saddens me to... To... (cries)

Skeeter: It's alright man, it'll be ok.

Trevor: (sniff) To declare the Super Hardcore Championship vacant. On the next House Show we'll crown a NEW champion. Somebody who will embody the values of Plank, who'll carry that title with the grace and dignity that... (sobs) that Plank did.

Skeeter: Don't cry, Trevor. Plank wouldn't wanna see you cryin' man.

Trevor: I know, I know... But he means so much to me, to this company. That's why I'M gonna be the one who avenges him! Me vs Mack Daddy for the Super Hardcore championship!

Skeeter: Say whaaaaaaaaat? You givin' him a title shot after what he did?

Trevor: You damn right! Because I wanna give him the beating of his life! Mack Daddy you done fucked up when you broke Plank in half! I'm gonna make sure you suffer! And then I'm gonna pin you and take that title and carry on Plank's glorious reign! For Plank!

Skeeter: Hot damn we got us a title match set fer-

Trevor: You know what, I'm all het up now. I'm gonna make sure that rat bastard ain't gonna be in no fit state to bring the fight on Saturday...


Trevor gets up and leaves.


Skeeter: Well, uh- hey Trevor, where you goin? Sheeit, I wish he wouldn't just up and leave me like that. We gonna be tapin' the next House Show this Saturday night ready fer broadcast on... I dunno, Monday or Tuesday or shit! Bring yer asses along and watch the show!