Post by greedy on Dec 2, 2018 16:30:54 GMT -5
ORIGINAL INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT:
"So what's yer name?"
Pinkee Pie.
"Uh-huh. I've heard better but it'll do I guess. How old are ya?"
Ion know nuthin bout that. Ize raised on titties and gayta meat not no damn cal n ders.
"Wow, you don't look it. I would have guessed you was waaay older. Alright, how tall are ya and what do you weigh?"
6'8 400Llbs. I sucked a mean tittie as a kid... an a teen... an well as a grownie.
"Jesus. Well, we ain't got no weight divisions here so hopefully nobody dies or shit like that. Where do you come from?"
Ize raised in tha giant swamp down southa here.
"And what sorta house do you live in? Like, d'you live in a trailer, a mansion, some haunted fuckin' castle?"
I ain't got no house, got lotsa land though. Ma got dropped off by ma diddy when she got pregnant with me cuz he said he won't payin no child support. Been in the swamp er since. Hell i wouldn't be up here now if it won't fer ma diddy. Imma find that mutherfucker and collect my dues.
"Ok I hear ya. Can't wait to run a show there! So what do you do for a living? Cos, y'know, you gotta bring that to the ring, see. I'll accept if yer unemployed or a student or something, but I don't need no boring-ass wrestlers here. Doesn't have to be a job I s'pose, could be a hobby."
Ain't never have no job. I got some sperience wrasslin with ma gayta friends. I tried to wrassle a Panther once but he bit ma left nipple off. It's all fun n games until the gayta takes you as his mate.
"Well shit I'm excited to see how you get that over! So what's yer personality like? I guess what I'm trying to say is, are you more of a dude or a dick?"
I guess not a lot of folks get along with me with the whole lack of human contact thing. Most of the time when I see another person my instinct is to Gator roll the fuck outta them until they die. More-so lately though I got in to tha habit a swamp assin them fuckers right in the face!
"I see, I see. Well we're all friends here. Alright so that just about covers all the personal details, let's talk about your ability. Every wrestler needs a finisher, what's yours?
The Swamp Ass. See, I put that mutherfucker into the corner and then shove my big swampy ass right in his face. Fer his sake he better hope I ain't eat rancid gayta meat before the match. Mosta the time this gets the people that wonder their ass into my swamp all sleepy an un-conscious, so I hope it has the same effect here ya know?
"Oh cool, I've never seen a backyard wrestler use that before... Alright, whatever. Gimme a few signature moves. Don't go fucking nuts, my notepad is only so big."
Well obviously I gotta Gayta Roll a few fuckers. Also the Swamp Side Slam and last but not least the Panther Pounce, where my fat ass climbs a ladder to the top and just kinda falls on the poor dipshit.
"Well hopefully I've got someone on the roster who can take those moves otherwise you're gonna end up regretting choosing 'em. Alright, and how would you describe your overall style. Don't say 'Hardcore', we're all fuckin' hardcore here, that's a given."
Imma big boy. I like to pick people up an throw em around. Ain't too quick on ma feet but it hurts like hell if I fall on you. Not on tha technical side a things ya know?
"Cool. Cool. Hey, you know you kinda remind me of somebody famous. Did anyone ever tell you that you look like... Ah shit, what's their name again..."
Yea lotsa people say I look like John Tenta.
"Yes! That's it! You look like their identical fuckin' twin or somethin! Alright, nearly done. What song do you want for yer entrance?"
It's that there "Swamp Song Instrumental" by Tool or some fuckin guy.
"I'll have to check to see if I got it on CD somewhere. I'll get Skeeter to download it if need be. Right - last question! Tell me a bit about yourself. Tell me what brought you here to BYOB, gimme a quick run down so I can really get to know you."
Ize walkin past yer house yesterday while you were having that show, lookin for my diddy and all. I was like "Man, the fuck er these guys doin" but then it hit me, y'all was wrasslin just like I wrassle them gaytas back at home. Cept fer the lack of ma's tiddy milk and gaytas tryna have their way with me, I felt right at home! I knew right then and there what I was put on this flat earth to do, Swamp Ass all humans! I ain't really come all this way to make friends, aint never had one before anyways. Hell, even ma said that she wished she never had me cuz she misses her soaps. But anyways, I'm hungry as fuck and ain't no food for eatin around here so I figured I'd try to get in with you guys so I could mooch off a somebody. What ya say?
"Awesome, all done! Well, I've got your number so I'll give you a call some time and we'll all meet up and create some fuckin' performance art! Welcome aboard!"
What in the blue hell are you talkin bout? Number? If you need me I'll prolly be in your garage or somethin less you tryin to go back to my place for some reason.