Santa Caffrey is Coming To Town (AXW Prediction Results)
Dec 25, 2018 23:34:17 GMT -5
ForeverKuroi and Steele like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Dec 25, 2018 23:34:17 GMT -5
The lights go up on a rather large Christmas tree, fully decorated. We see jolly ol’ Santa Claus sitting next to the tree in an… emperor’s throne. It is a much thinner Saint Nick than we are used to seeing, but he still has the bright red suit and long white beard. This Santa also has his traditional cap and jacket, but black, modern glasses. He is doing a Santa voice, though.
Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, XHF Fans! It is I, Santa Claus, here to hand out a few last gifts to some of you who have given your comments and predictions lately on the XHF website, before I retire to the North Pole with Mrs. Claus! But don’t worry kids, I’ll be back next year! Ho ho ho! Let’s see what’s in my big, big sack.
This is hopefully not the actual Santa Claus. Instead, it looks a lot like the NEW AXW Undisputed Champion, Anthony Caffrey. He pulls out a brand new tablet.
Santa Caffrey: What do we have here? It is a new tablet, with AXW shows already downloaded onto it! It shall be going to commenter Suzuki’s Sweetheart, who can now watch the Arrogant Violent... Not Nice Names, absolutely demolish the rest of the AXW, so that way she’ll now know “who the AVA is”! How fun!
Santa thankfully doesn't use the word "Assholes" to finish describing the Arrogant Violent Assholes as he puts the tablet aside and reaches into the sack. He pulls out a small book and holds it up to the camera. The cover is written in a foreign language.
Santa Caffrey: Ah, what do we have here? It is a Japanese-to-English dictionary! Why, this should be perfect for the fine young lad Indestructible Izumi, who predicted Kosloff would defend his championship! I’m told it even includes definitions, so Izumi can not only learn how to say the word “talent”, but actually know what it means! Let me find that for young Izumi…
Santa flips through the dictionary and holds up a section to the camera.
Santa Caffrey: Why, “talent” just has a picture of AXW Undisputed Champion, Anthony Caffrey! How informative!
Santa Caffrey chucks the book aside and reaches back into his large sack. He pulls out an Anomoly mask.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho ho, it is for some reason, a hot piece of merchandise this holiday season: an Anomoly mask! Perfect for a strapping lad like SwannSong69, so he can too hide his face from potential embarrassment for picking a Masky Boi to win the AXW Undisputed Championship! Careful putting this on little boy, if it feels uncomfortable, just take it off and throw it in the garbage like it belongs! Some children have even reported choking, something Anamoly would know plenty about!
Santa laughs heartily at his joke as he throws the mask over his shoulder. The next thing in his sack is a toy train. The side has Anamoly stickers on it.
Santa Caffrey: Commenter DapperDylan will love his gift this holiday season! I have had the elves work on a special project: a special, one-of-a-kind, Anamoly train! The special thing about this train is its steam whistle action, which can be heard all the way over in England! All you have to do is press this button on the side---
Santa Caffrey presses the button. It does not work.
Santa Caffrey: Oh, it seems the train may have been naughty this year, hold on---
Santa presses the button again. Nothing. He presses it three more times. The train’s steam whistle does not work.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho, I am sorry! It appears that the Anamoly train has run out of steam! I’ll have one of my elves try to fix this, but I don’t think there’s anything fixing that… let’s reach back into my big ol’ sack here…
Santa chucks the train aside and reaches it once more. He pulls out a toy replica XHF Tag Team Championship.
Santa Caffrey: Ah, this must be the toy I had for ViperBoy42! It is an XHF Tag Team Championship belt, so that way the young lad can hold the gold, unlike Team Viper, especially after the AVA get their hands on the titles!
Santa places the championship and digs further into his big, back sack. It is a rather peculiar gift for Santa to be giving: a freshly-baked pie, missing a slice. Santa’s eyes light up as he goes to explain the gift.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho ho, this is a special gift indeed, for a young KosloffKrush! I have here, the very same humble pie that Anthony Caffrey made Kosloff eat at The Classic! That’s right little boy, now you can pretend to be your hero and experience the same shame that Kosloff and Pierce have from becoming a transitional champion! Ol’ Saint Nick won't ever taste it myself because he's actually good at what he does, but I do believe it is blueberry!
Santa looks over the pie, looking a bit disgusted, and places it aside. He pulls something else out of his big ol’ sack. It’s a walking boot with Duke Kosloff’s face on it.
Santa Caffrey: I wish I had another humble pie for little DreadVanFan, who is also a big Kosloff fan, but instead I have something even better! I have a signed walking boot! It is rather large, maybe because it’s a big boy walking boot and not for little champions, DreadVanFan, but it is a Duke Kosloff walking boot, signed by Anthony Caffrey himself! Now you can also hobble around like the former champion Kosloff, who has now tapped out twice to the CAL!
Santa chucks the boot aside. He looks at his sack and then realizes that the next gift is actually behind him. He wheels it in front of himself: it is a wagon.
Santa Caffrey: This gift was too big to fit in the sack, and it goes out to a young man who my naughty or nice list tells me believes in being humble as if that matters, a BONERaiden12! You can get someone to pull you around in this wagon and give you a FREE RIDE! All of Santa's gifts are just that -- completely free! That's right, BoneRaiden12, you don't have to suffer, work hard, get better and improve, or even WIN ANYTHING to get this wagon! That's right, this free ride is just like the one Kosloff got -- it's being given to you for absolutely nothing!
Santa Caffreywheels the wagon behind himself and, after he finishes laughing, looks back inside the sack. He pops his head up and looks at the cameraman.
Caffrey: Pause the camera for a second. How many more of these do we have?
Cameraman: A lot.
Caffrey: How many XHF fans were idiots who didn’t pick me?
Cameraman: A lot.
Caffrey: Even after I warned them repeatedly?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: Even after I trashed them last time?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Are the fans going to cry again that I called them out and then ultimately do nothing again?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Am I going to get fined and warned again?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Do they know Open Fight Night is January 14th?
Cameraman: I think so.
Caffrey: Do they know that I still don’t have a match for that yet?
Cameraman: I think so.
Caffrey: You’re a quiet kind of guy, aren’t you?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Alright, I’m doing one more gift. The rest of these haters should be getting coal, but they can stew in their own irrelevance and ignorance instead. Roll camera!
The camera never paused in the first place. Caffrey -- err, Santa --- gets back into the voice.
Santa Caffrey: Our last gift is for the rest of the haters and doubters out there. I can not give all of you the ability to open your eyes, devices to watch AXW on, or even simple common sense. Instead, I’ll give you a wonderful picture! After all, they say that a picture is worth a thousand words!
Santa Caffrey reaches into his huge sack and pulls out the AXW Undisputed Championship. He throws his hat off and rips his fake beard off, revealing himself to be the AXW Undisputed Champion himself. The Wrestling Emperor smugly throws it onto his shoulder and stops doing the voice.
Caffrey: Here you go, everyone! Take pictures! Take pictures of your AXW Undisputed Champion, so that one day you can say you can say you witnessed history! I’ll be holding this championship a very, very long time because I’m not a loser like Kosloff or Pierce and there’s not a single damn member of the roster that can stop me, but I won’t be holding my Undisputed Championship in front of a Christmas tree again until next December! Take pictures and screenshots now so that you can use this beautiful picture as your Christmas card for next year!
Caffrey smiles his smug and sinister showman smile for the camera. After a little bit, he finally breaks the pose.
Caffrey: Merry Christmas, you dumbasses. Ho ho ho.
Caffrey laughs at all of the idiot fans who got their predictions wrong as the camera fades to black.
Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, XHF Fans! It is I, Santa Claus, here to hand out a few last gifts to some of you who have given your comments and predictions lately on the XHF website, before I retire to the North Pole with Mrs. Claus! But don’t worry kids, I’ll be back next year! Ho ho ho! Let’s see what’s in my big, big sack.
This is hopefully not the actual Santa Claus. Instead, it looks a lot like the NEW AXW Undisputed Champion, Anthony Caffrey. He pulls out a brand new tablet.
Santa Caffrey: What do we have here? It is a new tablet, with AXW shows already downloaded onto it! It shall be going to commenter Suzuki’s Sweetheart, who can now watch the Arrogant Violent... Not Nice Names, absolutely demolish the rest of the AXW, so that way she’ll now know “who the AVA is”! How fun!
Santa thankfully doesn't use the word "Assholes" to finish describing the Arrogant Violent Assholes as he puts the tablet aside and reaches into the sack. He pulls out a small book and holds it up to the camera. The cover is written in a foreign language.
Santa Caffrey: Ah, what do we have here? It is a Japanese-to-English dictionary! Why, this should be perfect for the fine young lad Indestructible Izumi, who predicted Kosloff would defend his championship! I’m told it even includes definitions, so Izumi can not only learn how to say the word “talent”, but actually know what it means! Let me find that for young Izumi…
Santa flips through the dictionary and holds up a section to the camera.
Santa Caffrey: Why, “talent” just has a picture of AXW Undisputed Champion, Anthony Caffrey! How informative!
Santa Caffrey chucks the book aside and reaches back into his large sack. He pulls out an Anomoly mask.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho ho, it is for some reason, a hot piece of merchandise this holiday season: an Anomoly mask! Perfect for a strapping lad like SwannSong69, so he can too hide his face from potential embarrassment for picking a Masky Boi to win the AXW Undisputed Championship! Careful putting this on little boy, if it feels uncomfortable, just take it off and throw it in the garbage like it belongs! Some children have even reported choking, something Anamoly would know plenty about!
Santa laughs heartily at his joke as he throws the mask over his shoulder. The next thing in his sack is a toy train. The side has Anamoly stickers on it.
Santa Caffrey: Commenter DapperDylan will love his gift this holiday season! I have had the elves work on a special project: a special, one-of-a-kind, Anamoly train! The special thing about this train is its steam whistle action, which can be heard all the way over in England! All you have to do is press this button on the side---
Santa Caffrey presses the button. It does not work.
Santa Caffrey: Oh, it seems the train may have been naughty this year, hold on---
Santa presses the button again. Nothing. He presses it three more times. The train’s steam whistle does not work.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho, I am sorry! It appears that the Anamoly train has run out of steam! I’ll have one of my elves try to fix this, but I don’t think there’s anything fixing that… let’s reach back into my big ol’ sack here…
Santa chucks the train aside and reaches it once more. He pulls out a toy replica XHF Tag Team Championship.
Santa Caffrey: Ah, this must be the toy I had for ViperBoy42! It is an XHF Tag Team Championship belt, so that way the young lad can hold the gold, unlike Team Viper, especially after the AVA get their hands on the titles!
Santa places the championship and digs further into his big, back sack. It is a rather peculiar gift for Santa to be giving: a freshly-baked pie, missing a slice. Santa’s eyes light up as he goes to explain the gift.
Santa Caffrey: Oh ho ho ho, this is a special gift indeed, for a young KosloffKrush! I have here, the very same humble pie that Anthony Caffrey made Kosloff eat at The Classic! That’s right little boy, now you can pretend to be your hero and experience the same shame that Kosloff and Pierce have from becoming a transitional champion! Ol’ Saint Nick won't ever taste it myself because he's actually good at what he does, but I do believe it is blueberry!
Santa looks over the pie, looking a bit disgusted, and places it aside. He pulls something else out of his big ol’ sack. It’s a walking boot with Duke Kosloff’s face on it.
Santa Caffrey: I wish I had another humble pie for little DreadVanFan, who is also a big Kosloff fan, but instead I have something even better! I have a signed walking boot! It is rather large, maybe because it’s a big boy walking boot and not for little champions, DreadVanFan, but it is a Duke Kosloff walking boot, signed by Anthony Caffrey himself! Now you can also hobble around like the former champion Kosloff, who has now tapped out twice to the CAL!
Santa chucks the boot aside. He looks at his sack and then realizes that the next gift is actually behind him. He wheels it in front of himself: it is a wagon.
Santa Caffrey: This gift was too big to fit in the sack, and it goes out to a young man who my naughty or nice list tells me believes in being humble as if that matters, a BONERaiden12! You can get someone to pull you around in this wagon and give you a FREE RIDE! All of Santa's gifts are just that -- completely free! That's right, BoneRaiden12, you don't have to suffer, work hard, get better and improve, or even WIN ANYTHING to get this wagon! That's right, this free ride is just like the one Kosloff got -- it's being given to you for absolutely nothing!
Santa Caffreywheels the wagon behind himself and, after he finishes laughing, looks back inside the sack. He pops his head up and looks at the cameraman.
Caffrey: Pause the camera for a second. How many more of these do we have?
Cameraman: A lot.
Caffrey: How many XHF fans were idiots who didn’t pick me?
Cameraman: A lot.
Caffrey: Even after I warned them repeatedly?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: Even after I trashed them last time?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Are the fans going to cry again that I called them out and then ultimately do nothing again?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Am I going to get fined and warned again?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Do they know Open Fight Night is January 14th?
Cameraman: I think so.
Caffrey: Do they know that I still don’t have a match for that yet?
Cameraman: I think so.
Caffrey: You’re a quiet kind of guy, aren’t you?
Cameraman: Yep.
Caffrey: Alright, I’m doing one more gift. The rest of these haters should be getting coal, but they can stew in their own irrelevance and ignorance instead. Roll camera!
The camera never paused in the first place. Caffrey -- err, Santa --- gets back into the voice.
Santa Caffrey: Our last gift is for the rest of the haters and doubters out there. I can not give all of you the ability to open your eyes, devices to watch AXW on, or even simple common sense. Instead, I’ll give you a wonderful picture! After all, they say that a picture is worth a thousand words!
Santa Caffrey reaches into his huge sack and pulls out the AXW Undisputed Championship. He throws his hat off and rips his fake beard off, revealing himself to be the AXW Undisputed Champion himself. The Wrestling Emperor smugly throws it onto his shoulder and stops doing the voice.
Caffrey: Here you go, everyone! Take pictures! Take pictures of your AXW Undisputed Champion, so that one day you can say you can say you witnessed history! I’ll be holding this championship a very, very long time because I’m not a loser like Kosloff or Pierce and there’s not a single damn member of the roster that can stop me, but I won’t be holding my Undisputed Championship in front of a Christmas tree again until next December! Take pictures and screenshots now so that you can use this beautiful picture as your Christmas card for next year!
Caffrey smiles his smug and sinister showman smile for the camera. After a little bit, he finally breaks the pose.
Caffrey: Merry Christmas, you dumbasses. Ho ho ho.
Caffrey laughs at all of the idiot fans who got their predictions wrong as the camera fades to black.
