Champoon Wrasslin': Jefe Wars: Christmas Special 25/12/18
Jan 1, 2019 8:52:01 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, ForeverKuroi, and 5 more like this
Post by The King on Jan 1, 2019 8:52:01 GMT -5
We cut open to Feargal Nukebuster dressed as Yoda (the costume is really basic just to emphasize his homelessness) and Super Serious Sam the Sperm Whale dressed as a Jefetrooper. They smile as the camera pans away from them and shows off the massive crowd who are ready to watch some pod-racing.
Yoda Nukebuster: Mhhhmmm... welcome you to pod rathing, I mutht!
Spermtrooper: Hello everyone and welcome to the Jefe Wars Christmas Special! Tonight we will crown our first ever CW Extravaganzanental Champion, the belt that defies all laws of physics - the belt that will be defended in the wildest stipulations known to man and the belt that will give you AIDS! Dylan, where are ya?
Yoda Nukebuster: Mhhhmmm, look at bracketht for tournament, we will...
A graphic pops up showing off the brackets for the pod racing tournament.
Opening-Round
Antonio 'Two Dicks' Tagliatelle vs Tokaitsu
The first ever pod-race saw the debut of two new CW signings, a man with two dicks and fucking Godzilla (Wish I was joking). Ultra Kira came to help his pet out in winning the competition, but didn't realize that there were no pods big enough to hold Godzilla let alone fly - fun fact; Emperor Jefe thought that maybe they could use a Star Destroyer to hold the monster, Drag Vader intervened and demanded that Tokaitsu would be breaking Star Wars kayfabe if they did so, henceforth Tokaitsu was disqualified from the tournament and Two Dicks advanced to the next round.
Opening-Round
X-Bonez vs La Cabra Ultima
Following the events of Jefe Wars: Empire Strikes Back, La Cabra Ultima was going into this pod-race minus an arm and X-Bonez morale was at an all time high after fulfilling Star Wars Kayfabe and carbonate freezing Jacobowitz Solo. La Cabra Ultima headed into his pod as did X-Bonez, both men waited for the referee to ring the bell and start the race. DING! DING! The bell rang and X-Bonez shot off in his Slave-1 pod, La Cabra Ultima put his foot down on the pedal of the pod but it turns out he needed to use his arms to pull back a lever instead. Shiddd. With one hand on the steering wheel and his other one on the lever. Wait, no, he only has one arm, nevermind. X-Bonez shoots through the track and crosses the finish line with a definitive victory. X-Bonez advanced to the next round.
Interview w/ Drag Vader
Drag Vader was interviewed in the throne room over-looking the tournament, he had this to say.
'BRUH MOMENT'
Opening-Round
Ultra Kira vs Postal Pat
In a night of debuts two more were to be made, the robot we saw from earlier, Ultra Kira, was taking on the deranged psychopath Postal Pat. We saw both men head into their pods, Kira riding in some Japanese futuristic car-thingy and Postal Pat riding in his red and white van. DING! DING! The bell had rung and in no time did Kira's futuristic pod-car go shooting off, but this didn't phase Postal Pat one bit, who drove at a slow and steady pace, calling on his black and white cat 'Jesse' to hand him his bazooka. Ultra Kira had dodged the obstacles in his way and was nearing the end when Pat fired upon him and blew the rocket man into space. Slowly but surely he passed the finish line and Postal Pat advanced to the next round.
Opening-Round
Fabiano Fiddleiano vs Tigre Pequeno
XHF Lickass Champion, Meme Boi was at 'ringside' for this bout, cheering on his good friend Tigre Pequeno (Why they are friends in the first place I have absolutely no idea.) Both men entered their pods, Tigre riding in some tiger themed pod and Fabiano entering a pill shaped pod colored by rainbows. DING! DING! Both men shot out at the same time, this being the first race so far in which both competitors had an actual fair start. It came to the sand people bend, which saw the two competitors dodge attacks from the sand people (Pretty sure Randy Angel is one of them, though he won't admit it). Fabiano purposely bumped into the side of Tigre's pod, sending the tiger off track, with his responce being a nasty 'rawr'. He managed to realign himself but Fabiano had now taken the lead. Both men were nearing the end when Meme Boi started to laugh hysterically. Tigre Pequeno's pod ran out of gas just nearing the finish line and Meme Boi applied his troll face. Fabiano advanced to the next round.
Interview w/ Dylan Viper.
Dylan was seen looking like a goth, hidden in some shady part of the planet dressed in black and covering his missing hand. Vengeance was sworn across his face. Our interviewers went in for a few words but he chopped them down with a new fancy green lightsaber. Was he turning to the dark side?
Semi-Finals
Antonio 'Two Dicks' Tagliatelle vs X-Bonez
Both men readied themselves for the first of the semi-final bouts. X-Bonez entered his Slave-1 and Antonio headed into his double headed pod. DING! DING! The bell rang and thick goo came shooting out of the two headed pod, it caked the Slave-1 and X-Bonez had to slow down as he could no longer see where he was going. With this Two Dicks shot off and over-took the Boba Fett cosplayer. X-Bonez activated his screen-wipers and cleared a view for himself, shooting off aswell and trying his best to catch up with Antonio Tagliatelle. No matter how much he tried though, Two Dicks still had the lead. X-Bonez, fearing a cough clean cough loss decided to go for the last resort - he put the Slave-1 into auto-pilot and climbed out of the window, standing atop the roof of his pod and waiting to get into jumping distance of Two Dick's pod. Once there he dived and landed atop one of the heads, climbing in and battling Two Dicks on the inside of his pod. 'It's a slug fest!'. Eventually X-Bonez knocked the un-expecting Two Dicks clean out, he grabbed him by the head and chucked him out of the pod window. He passed the finish line in his opponent's pod. X-Bonez advanced to the finals.
Semi-Finals
Postal Pat vs Fabiano Fiddleiano
Two deranged mofos were ready to duke it out in the semi-finals. The bell hadn't even rang before Postal Pat was threatening to murder Fabiano's parents, with Fabiano revealing he had already done that a long time ago. Both men finally got into their pods and the bell rang. DING! DING! But instead of heading straight into a race, both men turned their pods to face each other and shot towards one another at lightning speed. With a massive THUD did both men clash and their pods exploded into flames. Firefighters and paramedics weren't on hand. Both men, somehow, managed to climb out of their pod windows and survive the crash, getting back to their feet and duking it out with fists and weapons galore. Eventually, Jefetroopers had to head onto ground and split the two men up. That's when they took their helmets off and revealed gimp suits underneath - they were the Age of SeXtacy! They beat down Postal Pat to loud boos and brought in another pod for Fabiano to ride in. He shot off at a slow pace, regaining his breath. Eventually he crossed the finish line, Postal Pat was screwed! Fabiano Fiddleiano advanced to the finals.
Interview w/ Emperor Jefe
The CW World Heavyweight Champion was on hand to give his verdict on what he was witnessing, claiming that he was 'loovin ivory bite off itt'. When asked who he thought would win in the finals, he responded with 'Jefe'. Wait, what? No, I swear... I swear if Jefe wins this whole fucking thing...
FINALS - CW EXTRAVAGANZANENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
X-Bonez vs Fabiano Fiddleiano
This was it. The finals of the pod-racing tournament that should of happened during Christmas time but was released on New Years day. X-Bonez vs Fabiano Fiddleiano. Boba Fett vs Lando Calrission. Extravaganzanental Championship on the line! DING! DING! The bell rang and X-Bonez wasted no time in charging straight out of the gates. Fabiano set out at a slow pace, deliberately staying behind X-Bonez, as though he was up to something... Which he was. Suddenly, coming out of all corners of the track came about ten pods of Age of SeXtacy members - dressed from top to toe in gimp suits. They surrounded X-Bonez and kept ramming him, trying their best to take him out of the race for good. He, being one not to quit, put down his windows and lock and loaded his guns. He fired rounds of bullets at the pods, destroying them and blowing them up in his haste. He looked badass af. Eventually they were all destroyed and he was nearing the end. X-Bonez was gonna win this with style! He looked back at Fabiano, hoping to see his upset face, but Fabiano was just smiling from ear to ear. He gave X-Bonez a little wink, continuing to stay a few feet behind him. As in slow motion, X-Bonez turned back around to face the finish line when his windows were covered in gloop. He swerved and came flying off of the track, his pod exploding into thousands of tiny pieces. Fabiano finally sped up as he crossed the finish line.
{...AND THE WINNER IS...}
Fabiano Fiddleiano had won the tournament, Fabiano is the NEW CW Extravaganzanental Champion.
As he stepped out of his pod and was awarded with the title, Antonio 'Two Dicks' Tagliatelle came up to him... It was he who cost X-Bonez the matchup! Both dick-related wrestlers shook hands as the show came to a close.
The Age of SeXtacy is upon us, here in Champoon Wrasslin'.
Fabiano Fiddleiano had won the tournament, Fabiano is the NEW CW Extravaganzanental Champion.
As he stepped out of his pod and was awarded with the title, Antonio 'Two Dicks' Tagliatelle came up to him... It was he who cost X-Bonez the matchup! Both dick-related wrestlers shook hands as the show came to a close.
The Age of SeXtacy is upon us, here in Champoon Wrasslin'.
