Champoon Wrasslin': World Tour (Washington, USA) 02/01/19
Jan 2, 2019 16:29:18 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Steele, and 3 more like this
Post by The King on Jan 2, 2019 16:29:18 GMT -5
Live from the National Union Building, Washington, DC, USA (Attendance: 1,000)
Jamie Lee Dunne vs "The Peeper" Harry Nutter
DING! DING! DING! It was rookie versus pedophile in the opening match, with Harry Nutter trying his best to chat up the young naive JLD. Lee Dunne had none of it though and swept the floor with Nutter, eventually finishing him off with the De Atomizer Strike (Rain Maker) for the one two three. After the bout he declared that he'd be more successful than both Maverick and Raymond combined. Which he most likely will, even though he's a jobber. Harry Nutter sulked to the back and tried kidnapping a child on his way there, but was stopped by the feds who arrested him on suspicion of kidnapping.
XHF LICKASS CHAMPIONSHIP
Meme Boi (C) w/ Tigre Pequeno vs Ultra Kira
DING! DING! DING! Tigre Pequeno had his last two matches lost because of Meme Boi, his quote on quote 'friend' who would always cost him the victory, therefore heading into this matchup there was a lot of speculation that Tigre would return the favor. Ultra Kira used his Alien who's hell bent on exterminating the filth of the multiverse as well as getting the number one rated cooking show in the multiverse skills to out-wrestle the memester, showing him that age (seeing as he's 27,000 years old and Meme Boi is only 19) does matter when it comes to experience. In the end however Meme Boi managed to hit the devastating low blow and finish the alien off with the GET MEME'D SON! (Package Piledriver), just barely garnering a victory and retaining the XHF Lickass Championship.
After the bout he got onto the microphone and started to meme Washington, DC. Tigre stood behind him and looked prime to roll him up, ready to steal the title for his own and get his revenge - but this never came to fruition, he respected his friend too much (somehow). Both men headed to the back, Meme Boi still the Lickass Champion.
The Jewish Connection vs Age of SeXtacy
DING! DING! DING! The team of Jacob Jacobowitz and his Jewish protege Mongolian Giant was taking on the team of the CW Extravaganzanental Champion, Fabiano Fiddleiano and his partner Antonio 'Two Dicks' Tagliatelle. Two Dicks and Mongo started the match off, with Mongo trying his best to apply some basic wrestling maneuvers, failing horribly in the process and nearly knocking himself clean out. Jacobowitz tagged in and promised to enlighten all three of the opposition, when asked who the third participent was, Jacobowitz pointed to Two Dick's two dicks. After a short battle between these two, Antonio tagged in Fabiano who got a loud, thunderous boo from the crowd, having just fucked his biological cousin last tour show. Jacobowitz was struggling to wrestle the match handicapped, seeing as Mongo didn't know how to wrestle let alone be a Jew - so in the end he had no other choice but to tag Mongo in and expect the loss. Fabiano hit the Helter Skelter (Dr Teeth) for the win.
Age of SeXtacy prowled around the ring and looked pitifully at the losing Jews. Fabiano proceeded to order an attack upon them, as to finish them off. Masked men in gimp suits came running out from all corners of the venue and started to beat them down. Jacobowitz was able to defend himself against a few of them but in the end had to succumb. That's when X-Bonez came running out from the back and charged into the ring, wearing his 'fire mario' upgrade, knocking them down with 'fireballs' which were actually rocks painted orange. Antonio Tagliatelle went to stop him but ended up on the receiving end of a double foot stomp. He helped the Jews back to their feet, and like Postal Pat from last show, declared war on the Age of SeXtacy.
Age of SeXtacy prowled around the ring and looked pitifully at the losing Jews. Fabiano proceeded to order an attack upon them, as to finish them off. Masked men in gimp suits came running out from all corners of the venue and started to beat them down. Jacobowitz was able to defend himself against a few of them but in the end had to succumb. That's when X-Bonez came running out from the back and charged into the ring, wearing his 'fire mario' upgrade, knocking them down with 'fireballs' which were actually rocks painted orange. Antonio Tagliatelle went to stop him but ended up on the receiving end of a double foot stomp. He helped the Jews back to their feet, and like Postal Pat from last show, declared war on the Age of SeXtacy.
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT MATCH
Big Drag vs Donald Trump
When this match was announced the fans were crazy confused, after all Donald Trump had been killed by CDK or something, that's how the BANG guy became President, right? But fear not, Big Drag promised to resurrect Trump and then kill him in a capital punishment match. How do you win? Guillotine, hanging or electric chair! The resurrection went down smoothly, the crowd were a bit shocked but that didn't phase Drag. Nothing does. DING! DING! DING! Drag hit a massive low blow on Donald and proceeded to lift him into the air, dropping him to the mat with a gorilla press slam. He then ran against the ropes and hit a body splash, 3000lbs of pure gold crashing down on Trump's stomach - should have killed him but Trump no sold it. The match then took a turn for worse when both men landed on the outside. Drag and Trump proceeded to fight all the way to the White House, with Drag knocking on the door and asking if CDK wanted to play. Trump got some heat back by hating the Mexicans. Drag got some crowd support for hating them aswell. Eventually the brawl lead to a prison, where Drag over-powered Trump and placed him in the electric chair. Trump no sold. All that changed was his hair being more frizzy. Trump hit the Hulkster comeback on Drag, finished him off with the big boot and leg drop combo, then proceeded to place him in the chair. Drag no sold because he conducts electricity. This match will never fucking end.
Jefe runs in and calls it a draw, Drag has none of it and demands that he must go over. Jefe remarks that it is only he'm whom should go over. Drag and Jefe argue. Drag challenges Jefe to a world title match. Jefe shards. Drag laughs. WAH Machine jump Drag from behind and start to beat him down, it's okay though they'll all be friends again by the time Jefe Wars rolls back around. Match is set for the finals of the US tour, WAH Machine vs Big Drag, if Drag wins he gets a shot at Jefe on the next stop of the CW World Tour, probably somewhere like North Korea. Oh the tag belts will probably be on the line aswell. Expect Drag to go over. Oh shit what am I doing. swann.exe has stopped working.
