Just the tip of the Filthberg. (Salem RP#2 - Filth Factory)
Jan 17, 2019 15:10:49 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by Jaymz on Jan 17, 2019 15:10:49 GMT -5
**Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania**
Salem knew there was no way in hell that TSA would allow him to fly with a pillowcase on his head; but he also knew they wouldn't allow him on the plane with his face melting off, either. He had quite the dilemma. He HATED staying in hotel rooms, but at this point, he didn't have much of a choice as getting home to Colorado wasn't going to happen through the air. He didn't sleep well on the road and he would rather be in his own bed getting the rest he really needed before his match. Even with a melted face, he would feel better at home. And maybe he could somehow patch it all back together, he thought.
But right now he was pacing the hotel room. He wore only socks, boxer shorts and the white pillowcase - which now had a third hole for his mouth. He checked his phone every few seconds awaiting on an arrival of clothes. Knucks had sent Jessie to get him something else to wear since Salem insisted that his clothes were absolutely covered in face-melt and he couldn't wear them. He checked outside the window, and again, no signs of Jessie in the Knucks-Truck down below.
He sighed, dropped his phone on the small nightstand and looked at himself in the mirror. He ran his hands across his chest which was scarred with scratchy lettering which read “Salem.” He could feel the scar tissue under his fingers and the memory of that day came flooding back.
***********
**November 17th, 2011. Provo, Utah.**
College wrestling coaches sat in the stands, speckled throughout the crowd of locals that packed the High School gym where Kyle Shepard (Salem) was about to have his first match of the day. Kyle was the star of the show, he was without a doubt THE best wrestler in the state, irregardless of weight class. Not only was he the best wrestler in the state, he was one of the best in the country, and possibly, the best wrestler ever to come from the state of Utah. He had won State Championships in previous years and his banners hung across the front end of the gym.
Kyle wasn't the biggest wrestler, he wasn't the most physically imposing and he was on the smaller end of his weight class. But he had more talent on that mat than anyone in the gym, and he knew it. And so did everyone else in attendance. The school loved having Kyle on the team as it brought out the local news stations and hoards of people that never showed up to High School wrestling events; but everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of the kid who seemingly never lost a match.
He was loved by the locals but none of the students really knew him as he was homeschooled from the time he was 13. After he had burned down the neighbors house, he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and his Polygamist family had decided that homeschool was the best option for their youngest son after he was finally released from the institution. The state law said that he could compete in the districts sporting events, and after some backlash from concerned parents and school board members, Kyle was finally allowed on the wrestling team. David, his father, was concerned that children would pick on him and bully him, but nobody ever gave Kyle a hard time. They left him alone, they excluded him from their conversations in practice and after practice get-togethers. He minded his own business, followed the instructions of his coaches and obliterated every one of his teammates in practice. He didn't want to know his teammates anymore than they wanted to know him, so everything worked out well.
Kyle rose from the bench and the crowd roared in approval as he walked over to the mat. The college scouts in attendance immediately started to record him on their phones; some had pads of paper and were ready to take notes of his skill, strengths and weaknesses. His bright blue eyes were locked onto his opponent as they stepped inside the yellow school logo and shook hands. The ref blew the whistle as the two competitors sized each other up. Kyles opponent attacked first trying to take him down, but Kyle quickly gained the upper hand putting his opponent on the mat. And less than thirty seconds later, the match was over by pin. The official grabbed both wrestlers by the hand and raised his arm with the blue arm band, signaling Kyle as the winner. His opponent left, dejected, embarrassed.
College scouts were impressed, some immediately getting on their phones and leaving the stands. The crowd cheered in approval, the cheerleaders jumping up and down and signaling him as “number one.” Kyle walked back over to the bench where his coach congratulated him, but none of his teammates even looked his way. Kyle took his place on the bench and looked over at the cheerleaders. And there was Mindy. The only kid in the school that would talk to him. His heart fluttered as their eyes met and she winked at him. He didn't watch the next match, he watched Mindy lead her cheer squad hoping that she would meet up with him after the event and they could make out again before their parents could find them in the massive crowd of locals who came to see Kyle wrestle.
People around school knew about Kyle and Mindy and they often teased Mindy for her choice of boyfriend, but she defended Kyle against anyone who was brave enough to say something negative in front of her. She deeply cared for Kyle, she knew that he was a good kid - he just had some mental issues. Mindy’s parents despised Kyle, and for good reason, he was the schizo kid, he burned down the neighbors house AND he was polygamist. Three strikes right there!! But they couldn't keep Mindy away. Often, the two would sneak out and they would meet up at a secluded location on warmer nights and have sex with the shadows of the Rocky Mountains in the distance. On colder nights they would just fuck in Mindy's car but Kyle hated having sex in there. It was like trying to have sex in a small box.
Kyle looked on as the crowd cheered a victory from one of his teammates - not as loud as the cheers he got though. He eyes moved back to Mindy, then back to the next match….he started to feel nervous. His hands were shaking, he started to sweat. ...something was wrong. He was never nervous before a match….ever. The mat is where he felt the most calm, the most at ease and his mind was clear. His match was next and he had never experienced this feeling before and he started to worry. His coach came over and said something in his ear that he never heard, but he nodded and looked on and this satisfied the old man.
The feeling got worse as he stood up; he could feel the vibrations in the floor from the cheering crowd. He didn't hear them, he never heard them. But his heart was racing and his mind seemed cloudy, whatever had overcome him was worse. He stepped into the circle on his mat and waited on his opponent. And then Kyle knew it, he knew what was wrong. He knew this feeling, it had just been several years and lots of therapy since the last time.
Kyles opponent stepped into the circle and he could see the fear in his eyes. The official called for the match to begin and Kyle only stood there, standing straight up with his arms down to his side. His opponent wasn't sure what to make of this, so he backed off but kept his guard up while his coach screamed for him to take Kyle down.
“You’re back, aren't you?” Kyle asked, looking at nobody in particular.
His opponent, confused managed to get out a sound, “Wha..?”
Kyle continued to talk, but to himself. “Yeah, Salem’s back, mother fucker.”
The official stepped in and looked Kyle in the face, “Son, are you ok?” There was genuine concern as he could see that something in Kyle had changed. He had been the official for many of Kyle's matches over the years and he had never seen him like this.
Kyle nodded and a grin crossed his face. He readied his stance as the official checked with his opponent and then started the match. Before he knew it, Kyle had laid him out on the mat and was already in control of the match and the crowd was going crazy. Kyle put his head next to his opponents ear and quietly spoke to him.
“Im gonna kill you, fucker.”
Salem could see the fear in his eyes again and he LOVED it. Salem fed off of it.
“Then Im gonna {No Means No} your mom after.”
The official shifted over to the floor to check the hold. Salem let his opponent wiggle around getting the official to move away so he could speak again.
“And then your sister…...The little one…”
His opponent flung Salem off and before he could get back to his feet, Salem felt a right hand slamming into his jaw. His head bounced off the mat but he loved it. He loved the feel of the pain coursing through his face. He instantly jumped to his feet, stood face to face with his opponent and took another shot to the face. This one spraying blood from his nose as the official and others finally stepped in. The smile never left his face, his eyes were focused on only his opponent - and from across the gym, Mindy could see the look. A look she had never seen in him before and it horrified her.
Suddenly, and out of nowhere, Salem held up one fist to the sky and yelled as loud as he could. The crowd roared back as he turned in a circle to see all of them surrounding him in the gym up to the ceiling. He loved it. He loved the attention. He loved all the eyes on him. He wished he had never been suppressed by the medication that his parents made him take. He rubbed the blood all over his face and continued to work the crowd. Though everyone in attendance could see this was out of character, they fed off of it - and they cheered Kyle Shepard louder than they ever have before. But Kyle wasn't home.
Salem was here.
*****
Most everyone had left and the few stragglers still around were just parents bragging about their kids to other parents; the crowd that had cheered Kyle loudly had dispersed back to their homes and Utah was quiet again. But Salem was here.
He was lurking around the bushes wearing his school team jacket and ball cap pulled low over his face, hiding most of his facial features and the bruising from the two punches he took. He was doing two things. One, hiding from his incredibly large family for the night. Two, he was waiting for Mindy. He sat down in the bush and waited...and waited...
An hour rolled by.
Still only a few parents remained but he perked up when he heard the laughter of girls. He got to his feet and peaked out from the bushes. Several of the cheer girls came out of the double doors and headed for their cars. And Salem saw her. He jumped out from the bushes and kept to the shadows at the far end of the building sneaking his way into the parking lot. Mindy had separated from her friends and walked toward her car. Salem sped up his walk into a jog and Mindy could hear him coming from behind. She knew who it was, but something inside her felt….scared.
She spun around and there he was.
“Hey..” Salem spoke in a deeper voice than she was used to.
“Oh my God, baby, your face.” She reached up for his cheek but he pulled her arm away and looked down. “Its ok, let me see.”
“No.” Salem pulled back this time, “Don't look at me.”
Mindy squeezed her keys tighter...Something wasn't right. Something was off about him. “You seem different, Kyle.”
He froze, still keeping his head low and shadowed from the ballcap, “Don't call me that. Call me Salem now.”
“What? Salem?….Wh-why would I call you that?”
“Its my name now.” He said confidently.
And then it hit Mindy, Kyle had told her about what had happened when he burned down the neighbors house. How he had acted, the things he had said. This was it.
She was frightened and didn't want to be caught with this guy, alone, at night. She pushed the unlock button on her keyfob and Salem walked over to the passenger side of the car. Now Mindy was shaking. NOW she was scared.
“I...I...need to go home. I really can't tonight, ...Salem..ok?” Mindy begged. She almost called him Kyle but quickly corrected herself. She wanted to call her mom and dad, but quickly remembered that she loved Kyle, and it wasn't his fault he was this way and her parents would only cause problems. She wanted to call her friends, she would feel better if they were around. She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. She didn't look at Salem as she spoke, but he could clearly see the lie in her face.
“I need to call Lauren, she left her books in my car...She’ll need them in the morning.”
Salem stopped her, “Please don't. ...Mindy, please? I’m not going to hurt you. You know that.”
Tears escaped her eyes as she stopped from calling her friend, “Then tell me what's wrong with you!! You’re being soo strange, Kyle!!”
He hit the car with both fists, Mindy screamed out in terror and she looked around. They were the only two left. She still couldn't see his face in the glow from the light above, his hat still pulled low and head kept down.
“My name. Is Salem. ...Learn it. If not, I will rip your fucking head right...NOO!!! I WONT!! I won't do that!!! No!!” He put his hands on his head and leaned back and Mindy's mouth hit the floor. Salem's face was painted in his own blood. Perfectly outlined around his face, not just slapped on, he had put work into it.
“Wh...What have you done?” Mindy backed into her car as he approached. He towered over her, took off his jacket followed by his shirt. He pressed up against her as tears streamed down her face onto his rock hard stomach. “Please don't.” She whispered. “Please…”
She didn't want to look at his face. It wasn't the Kyle she loved, it wasn't the boy she knew. This guy was different and she didn't like the look in his eyes and the blood facepaint horrified her. She decided that she wouldn't protest, that she wouldn’t cause a problem. If Kyle...Salem...wanted to have his way with her, she would allow it only because she didn't want to piss him off or cause a problem….or die.
Salem, still pressing his body on Mindy, trapping her between him and the car, pulled a small knife from his pocket and flipped open the blade. She started to tremble in fear, her eyes closed - expecting the searing pain from the blade to invade her body…..But it never came. Salem backed away from her just a little, just enough to give him space to raise his arm to his chest with the blade pointed at his own skin.
“My name...is Salem….” He took the blade and sliced his own chest, one quick swipe after another as blood ran down his torso and mixed into Mindy’s clothes. Salem continued to cut away at his own skin as she saw what he was doing. Each swipe of the blade was slowly making a letter and she could see them appear one by one as he continued: S…..A….L….E…..M.
He backed away from Mindy who stood there with a stream of tears running down her face and his blood soaked into her shirt. “And you’re my Mindy. ...MY Mindy.”
With his free hand he grabbed her collar of her shirt and yanked it down just above her breasts. She pleaded with Salem as she tried to pull his arm free from her shirt. He stared at her chest for a moment before taking the knife to her chest just like he did to his own.
“My Mindy...My Mindy….I want my name on you, so everyone will know were Salem forever.” He pressed the blade to her soft, young skin as a spotlight came on from behind and Salem froze. A voice came from behind him, and Salem heard a door close.
“KYLE!!!” It was a man’s voice. A voice he knew very well. “Put the knife down.” Salem’s chest heaved in big breathes as the blood ran down into the waistline of his pants. He held his arms up and turned around. It was Officer Bolton.
“Jesus, Kyle….” Officer Boltons face dropped when he saw Salem. The dried blood on his face had cracked and peeled away in places and Bolton could clearly see the name he had carved into his own chest.
“Mindy….come here. Kyle, don't move.” Mindy bolted away from her car and over to Officer Bolton in choking sobs. She latched on to him from behind, not wanting to let him go. “Get in the car” he whispered.
“Kyle.” Bolton took a step toward Kyle with caution, his gun still raised and Kyles hands still high in the air. “Hey….Listen. Your parents are worried about you. They know what happened tonight. I don't want to make this into a big deal, ok? We can get out of here quietly, I’ll get you to Dr. Griffin and your parents will meet us there, ok?”
Salem never moved and Bolton was sure that the kid never even blinked. Bolton swore that he could see into Salem’s eyes and it made goosebumps break out on his arms. He could see the kids cheese had slid completely off his cracker.
“My name is Salem.” he said with a dry tone.
“That’s fine.” Bolton took another step toward Salem. “I need you to get down on your knees, ok? ….I don't want to Kyle, er..umm...Salem, but I’m gonna have to cuff you. Just until we get you to the hospital..”
Salem didn't protest, he didn't even put up a fight. Salem turned his back to Bolton, dropped to his knees and put his hands behind his back. Bolton quickly grabbed both of his arms and put him in cuffs. Kyle felt hot, too hot for any human to be alive. He pulled Kyle to his feet and looked at him with concern, “Hey….When did you stop taking your medication?”
“Fuck the meds, Salem’s back bitch” Kyle said in his deeper, dry voice. A voice that Bolton had never heard from the kid before. Mindy sat in the front seat trying to dry her eyes and wiping off the makeup that had run down her face. Bolton sat Kyle in the backseat, and instantly, Salem passed out.
“Are you ok?” Bolton looked over at Mindy’s bloody shirt and examined her with a quick look over.
“Im fine.” She sniffled, “He didn't hurt me…..Something is wrong with him!!”
“I know, I know...and were gonna help him,” Officer Bolton assured her, “I spoke to his parents and he hasn't been taking his medication. But, I’m gonna need your help, Mindy. I know you guys are an item and you care for him, ….So we shouldn't have a problem keeping this quiet, right?”
Mindy put her head down and nodded, “But my parents? My clothes are a mess...:”
“I know. We’ll come up with something, but we cant tell anyone what Kyle did tonight. I promised his parents that we wouldn't ruin his life. He just stopped taking his medication and if people find out, he's going to lose his wrestling scholarships.”
Mindy still didn't raise her head, “Yes...I know...I love him and I want to help him.”
Officer Bolton smiled, “Ok good. He's a good kid, he just needs our help.”
Officer Bolton turned on the cruiser and pulled out of the parking lot, taking Kyle back to the hospital where he had spent 6 months after burning down the neighbors house…
************
*Current Day. Pittsburgh hotel room**A knock came at Salem’s door and he ran to the door, still wearing nothing but the boxers and the pillowcase. He popped open the latch and flung the door open, and there was Jessie, holding a stack of clothes with a big smile on her face. “You must be Salem!”
“Holy shit, Knucks said you were hot...but dammnn..baby, you are fiiine. How about some of this Salem dick-piece?”
Jessie ended up with a look that resembled bitter-beer-face, “Uhhh, no thanks. I’m just here to give you some clothes. Knucks stopped at the Filth Factory production shop and got you all of this. ...and he said you needed something better for your melted face, so I went and got you this expensive pillowcase. Knucks cut holes in it for you, it’s much better quality than the one you’re wearing.” Her eyes were glued to the “Salem” scar on his chest.
“That’s cause he's the best!!” Salem took the clothes from Jessie and they looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. “Soo, umm...You sure you don't wanna come in? Im kinda lonely and I’m all about getting my dick wet!!”
Jessie’s face cringed up again and she backed away from the door. “I told you: no. I’m not interested in you.”
Salem’s head dropped, “I understand….Nobody will want me with a melted face…”
Jessie smiled, she could see Salem meant her no harm. She knew there was some respect there because she worked for Knucks and she knew Salem would respect her for it. “Maybe you should call Mindy….She seems like a nice lady. I think she really cares about you.”
“Ppfftt….Mindy won’t come around me right now. She likes…..Kyle.” He said the name ‘Kyle’ very sarcastically, “and always has…
“I’m sorry, Salem. Maybe she’ll come around!! I really need to go now, Knucks will be worried if I’m gone too long.”
Salem nodded from under the pillowcase and thanked her for bringing him the clothes. She waved goodbye as he closed the door.
*****
Salem sat in the corner of the dark hotel room smoking a joint through the hole in his pillowcase. He was wearing a new, unreleased Filth Factory hoodie that Jessie had brought over.
“People tell me that I’m delusional. ...They tell me that I’m crazy. And they might have a point, ...maybe. But I can’t be any more delusional than this fuckin {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} that Knucks and I have to go up against this week. This giant looking Vladimir Putin wanna-be who’s done enough drugs in his life that he really thinks he's the devil or some shit. Well, little Vlady Poot-Poot, I got bad news for ya, that still aint gonna help you in this match!!!!! You think you're the devil!? Bitch, is that supposed to scare me!? I’m the type of mother fucker that gets kicked out of Hell because I’m too ruthless to be under someone's thumb, like the devil.
I’m also not a {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} either, I don't run around referring to myself in third person every five seconds.... “Natural born killer” this and “Natural born killer” that, “Natural Born Killer”here and “Natural Born killer” everywhere!!! Watching his promo is like watching a dumbed down version of a Dr. Suess book. Ya know, people told me that the competition was going to be better here than it is the RSW. They told me that Knucks and I will NEVER see anything like we've seen in the RSW...well, THAT AINT TRUE!!!! Lies!!! It was all lies!!! Why, you ask me? Well, your melted-faced hero is here to tell you WHY!!!!
Duke and Chaos are absolutely no different than what we've seen in the RSW. I expected something original, I expected Duke to come at me verbally in ways the RSW guys never have. ...But did he!? NOOOO!!!!! It’s the same old recycled shit that I see in a Shane Mitchell promo. First off, lets just address the fact that he's {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore}, as I’ve already said. Vlady Poot-Poot basically said ‘I don't need to do talkin, I let my fists do the talkin.” Then why the fuck are you still on TV running your fucking gums!? I thought you didn't have much to say, that you were just gonna come to the ring and whip our ass and let that do the talkin!? I guess you changed your mind? Or maybe we got under your skin just enough that you decided to talk anyway?
Ok, here's the problem with that: You just need to stop talking. Calling me a Juggalo is not original, it’s not cute, it’s not funny and it’s overplayed. Got it? You guys were supposed to be like, ‘the greatest ever’ yet you’re no different than Lex Collins, Shane Mitchell and Joe Beb. What’s next, you gonna call me a clown? You gonna tell me that I wear a big red nose that honks and oversized yellow shoes too? ...I bet nobody's ever called me that before….get the fuck outta here with those weak ass name callings. Attacking my paint and calling me a Juggalo is the low hanging fruit - but it’s what I expected you to do. Because what else can you say?
You cant dog me for my in-ring record, you can’t knock me for losing any matches because I’ve NEVER lost a match in my career, ...yet!! And you and Chaos won't be the ones to erase that zero off my record and give me that first loss. Can you imagine the shame and embarrassment you’ll feel when you lose a couple of ‘juggalos?’ Oh man, this place will never let you live that down. You're supposed to be a legend, supposed to be one of the greats in this business…..and you’ll lose to a pair of white trash juggalos? ...ouch….That’s shameful. You might as well go ahead and retire to save yourself the shame. The shaaammmee!!!! Bad dog!!! No treat for you!!
Like Knucks said, you should be ashamed of yourself for using a movie quote from 50 years ago. Whats next? ….You gonna be my huckleberry? Is life like a box of chocolates? I still don't think you and Chaos understand the massive pile of shit that you’ve walked yourselves into. You’ve never stepped into the ring with something like this, because there’s never been a tag team that’s as filthy or as talented as we are. Even though I have a melted face and it’s kinda hard to see out of his fabric, that will not stop me from coming to the ring and proving to the world why NewWave19 is on a takeover of the wrestling world. I could put this pillowcase on backward and fight you blindfolded like a Jean Claude Van Damme movie, ok? Im gonna fuck you up like the iceberg did to the Titanic and we’ll watch your career sink while my heart goes on. Had enough yet? Or should we keep playing up old movie quotes?
Maybe you should just retire. I don't think your old man brain can really keep up with what’s happening in the wrestling world around you. I’ve never, EVER, talked about anyone in the network. I’ve never, EVER, said anything to anyone outside the RSW, so please tell me, what it is that I said? You make the claims that I’ve been ‘over here’....wherever that is...talking all this shit to people. Bitch, you've never seen me run my mouth to any of you. Maybe you have me mixed up with my Awoken brothers, but really, let’s not tell lies about me. Let’s get our facts straight, old man.
get it, it’s hard to keep up with all the new talent coming around when your older than Moses himself, but something tells me - after we kick your ass - you won’t be mistaking me for anyone else, ...ever again. Your old man brain really needs some help, what the fuck are you talking about saying that we talked all this shit then ran away never to be heard from again? ….huh?..... This is why I called you {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore}. We've already established that I haven't been ‘over here’ talking shit - and when did I run away and never come back!? BITCH, I’M RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!
Im fuckin talkin to your ugly ass, RIGHT NOW!!! Please tell me how I ran away when the match was booked? You dumb fuck, the match was booked and I showed up!! Im putting quality, filthy content out to the whole world for you to enjoy - and I’m running away? ‘Nowhere to be found’ is what you claim? What does that even mean? Clearly Im training for this match, Im putting out promos for this match - and yet, Im nowhere to be seen? Holy hell, Poot-Poot, you need medication more than I do!!!
I mean, you even said that we got lost on our way to the arena. ….HELLO!?? ANYONE HOME!?.... The fuckin match hasn't even taken place yet!!! What, you want me to camp out in the arena until the day of our match finally rolls around!? That would be pretty goddamn stupid, wouldn't it? Jesus, I don't know if I can stand to listen to you talk anymore. None of it makes any sense, it’s all inaccurate and untrue. Do you think the world just believes the lies that you tell them? You do realize that people know who we are, they've seen us in the ring and they understand what were capable of, right? Or maybe you just tell these lies to yourself and YOU believe them all. Cause really, how can you claim that we have the same upbringing and history?
Oh, I wasn't aware that you came from Utah, from a polygamist home full of love and support with wealthy parents. I thought you came from a dirty and grimy city somewhere in Russia where people feared you when you walked down the streets? …. L-O-L…...Not even close, bro!! I dunno what bio you looked up on the RSW page, but I damn sure don't have ANYTHING in common with you from my childhood. We are not even remotely close to being the same. Like I said, you’re {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore}. And now its official. You should have been at the Andi Snow Special Olympics that we hosted - you would have won that shit easily. I think we’ll just go ahead and send you a Filth Factory replica Medal free of charge, because you damn sure deserve it.
And where's your little yapping buddy Chaos? He kinda reminds me of that annoying little kid that talks a ton of trash but hides behind the big guy when shit hits the fan. He probably just pulls on your dick to get your attention when he needs you….And if you're wondering, that's the first time I’ve ever mentioned your dick. Because, once again, you go off making claims that I’ve talked about your junk, which aint true, and I'm not sure where you got that from. ...but it fits perfectly with everything that you've said about me so far, Poot-Poot.
You haven't said one single thing that intimidates me, that strikes fear in my heart….You haven't said a single thing about me that's even true. You've just pararded yourself around talking shit about things I’ve never spoken of. All this from a man who was gonna “let his fists do the talking.” Here’s the thing though, bro, I talk AND fight. Maybe you can’t cause your old, but I can do both. I can talk shit like no other and wrestle like no other. This is just the tip of the Filthberg, bitch boys. Yall don't even know whats headed your way, you might act like you do….but you don't. You just gonna have to get in the ring and find out for yourselves, the hard way..."