2004 SWAT Awards Show

[SWAT Team]

[The camera pans around Melbourne's Crown Casino Pallidium ballroom (scene of one of the match of the year nominations) to show all the SWAT Superstars and everyone else in attendance. The camera zooms in on a table in the back, showing The Connection, enjoying themselves while waiting for the festivities to begin. Matthew Perry, Zen "The African American Midget," The Irishman, and Syb's cousin Brian are seated on either side of them around the large round table.]

[Adrian is sporting black slacks and a blue silk polo shirt with a black sports jacket, along with black dress shoes. His short dirty blonde hair is slicked back and he's currently dining on a nice piece of rib-eye steak.]

[Syberus is wearing a black suit with a maroon silk shirt, top button undone and without a tie. He is sipping on a Coors Fine Light Beer (Epic Refreshment) and looking forward to a nice piece of Aberdeen Angus fillet.]

[The shot then crosses to Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton both dressed n Tuxedo's and sitting at a table beside the stage.]

Jeremy Tucker : Howdy folks, and welcome to SWAT's first ever Awards show. These awards have been decided by YOU ... the fans of Swat, and we hope that you enjoy the night as much as we are going to.

Andrew Fulton : (signalling for a refill on his drink) Hey Jerry ... Free spirits! Whooo hooo ... who would of thought.

Jeremy is alerted in his ear peice of a disturbance at the table where the H.O.P are sitting.

Jerry: Fans..we're being told that theres a bit of a disturbance at The H.O.P s table...we've got a cameraman there now..if we can pick up on....ok..there we have a video feed....lets listen in:

An usher is attempting to remove a 4th empty chair from Packers table...as He, Legacy and Kota occupy the other 3....Packer is refusing to let the chair leave however.

Usher: Sir..Please..we need all available empty chairs.....no one is sitting here...I have to..

Packer: Are you crazy kid?? That chair is being used by the H.O.P.....I paid good money to reserve this table AND these 4 chairs....this is OUR table..and we ALL are sitting here..this chair is occupied...maybe not now...but it WILL be by nights end..beat it.

Legacy places his glass on the table and glares at the smaller man.

Legacy: You hard of hearing buddy?? The man said the chair is TAKEN...now take a hike before you start to annoy me...NOW!!

The smaller man jumps and quickly retreats as Legacy raises his voice...Packer shakes his head in disgust as Legacy looks at him.

Legacy: So this really IS going down tonight..no joke??

Packer: Oh yeah....I got the call about an hour ago...its a done deal.
All we do now is wait until time.

Jeremy Tucker : Packers got an empty chair thats gonna be occupied later tonight by someone obviously associated with the H.O.P....I can only think of ONE man that he could be referring to.

[SWAT Team]

[We see Jeremy Tucker up on stage at the podium.]

Jeremy Tucker : Ladies and Gentleman .. it is my honor tonight to come up here and present the award for best dressed in swat to ..... (Jeremy fiddles with an envelop) SLY FONDELL!

Girls, Girls, Girls plays through the PA system and the model of male perfection Sly Fondell struts onto the stage, his trademark arrogant smirk beaming off his handsome face. Sly is dressed in a Deep blue Custom Hugo Boss suit with a light grey shirt and Blue silk tie.

Sly approaches the podium and takes the award from Jerry, and gives him a stare like you aren't fit to be on the same stage as me.

Sly then ignores Jerry and approaches the mic

Sly: If I've told you once I've told you all a Million times, nobody looks like the Ace, nobody dresses like the Ace and no-one is in the same class as the Ace. That's right, not only am I a great Champion, I dress like one as well, I'm the World Heavyweight Fashion champion baby!!

Only Jada seems to like what Sly is saying and encourages him along by clapping and cheering

Sly: And as always, just like I always say, My Jada is the only women who has Brains and beauty and baby, you got em both in spades, I gotta thank you for looking so hot that it makes me want to improve upon perfection and with your help baby I have!!

The camera pans around the heaving room and focuses on several wrestlers, Soutter looks like Fondell is going to make him throw up, Lonewolf just looks like he wants to invade the stage, Dracon looks pissed off for not winning himself and Domino looks hotter than ever and seems to be agreeing with Soutters opinion

Sly looks at Domino and her expression and smiles

Sly: Now now Domino, don't get jealous hon, you inspire the Ace as well, you inspire me in all the right places!!

Domino looks annoyed but shows her class by not responding.

Sly: Brunettes huh? Anyway I'd also like to thank my main man Georgio Armani, although he should really be thanking me, as since I started modelling for him, sales of his clothing have increased by 40%. I'd also like to thank Hugo Boss for this awesome custom job you all have the privelage to see me in, and lastly I'd like to thank Hawkes and Son who have made my Championship celebration suit which you will all be lucky to see at the Next No Man's land. But mostly I'd like to thank myself, for looking soo much better than every-one else, for having more style in my little finger than most people possess in their whole bodies and finally I'd like to thank myself for me just being me!

Sly lifts up the award and shows it around like it's the world cup

Sly: Once again you can all thank me for showing you all what taste and style and Fashion are all about!!

With that Sly leaves the stage his arrogant smirk seemingly lighting the way ahead for him

[SWAT Team]

[Chuck the cameraman slowly walks up to the podium.]

Chuck: Well... Ahh... Uhmm...

[Chuck is sweating bullets here, folks.]

Chuck: Well, Mars was supposed to making this presentation... But he still is in a drug induced coma after the last No Mans Land...

[There is some very loud hooting and hollering coming from the back of the theater.]

Chuck: So I get the privilege of presenting the award for Tag team of the year... Adrian Tanner Jr. and Syberus... The Connection!

[“Battle Flag” by Low Fidelity All Stars plays, and Syberus and Adrian Tanner stand up from their chairs, share a hug, and make their way towards the stage. They shake hands and exchange high fives with multiple people along the way.]

Syberus: Whelp, it really is an honor to receive this prestigious award.

Adrian Tanner: Yeah, although we were a team in the HPWA before Syberus came to SWAT… we’re still really just building on it and hoping that we can have the success as a team that we’ve had as singles competitors.

Syberua: 2004 was the year of Syberus and Adrian Tanner as indviduals..

Adrian: But we plan on making 2005 the year of The Connection!

Syberus: which of course we plan on starting by doing what we do best.

Adrian: Owning bitches?

Syberus: You guessed it. And what better way to kick off our year by winning those most prestegious SWAT World Tag Team Champioships.

Syberus: Anywho, we've got a list of people we'd like to thank for making us as awesome as we are. Where's that list Aids?

[Adrian nods over to their table and Matthew Perry rushes up to the stage with a rather large list, rolled up like one of those greek manuscripts. He hands the list to Syberus and walks off the stage back to his seat.]

Syberus: Ok, let's see...

[Syberus unrolls the list, which when fully unrolled goes all the way off the stage and near a few tables near the back.]

Syberus: There's well, me, of course.

[Syberus pats himself on the back]

Syberus: And then Adrian, obviously. And then....Syberus. And...That guy, uh, Adrian Tanner.

[This continues for some time, until the show cuts to commercial.]

[The show comes back from commercial...and Syberus is still reading the list.]

Syberus: Ok, and, just a few more here...Uh, where was I? Oh right. Me, and...

[The crowd, getting restless, starts throwing things at the stage. The Connection takes no notice.]

Syberus: And, uh, Well, look at that. Adrian Tanner. And then there's..what's that guy's name?

[Someone throws a chair at the stage, Syberus ducks and pays no mind.]

Adrian: Syb...

Syberus: Right, Syberus. And then...

Adrian: Uh, Syb...

Syberus: No, I already mentioned him. Hmm, I know there's some...

Adrian: Dude!

Syberus: Wha...?

[another chair comes flying right past Syberus, which he notices. The Connection share a look and grin.]

Syberus: Ok, well...thanks.

[Syberus grabs their trophy and The Connection high tail it off the stage.]

[SWAT Team]

Reporter: Im here with Reginald Packer...Mr Packer..youve got an extra chair reserved here tonight..that you say will be taken by a H.O.P member...but for the record....we only know of you..Kota and Legacy...thats 3..why the 4th chair and WHO does it belong to?

Packer: For the record huh?? Maybe you better check your records again....and recount. Get outta here..we're enjoying ourselves..Be Gone!!

---------

* The show returns from break and Jerry Tucker emerges from the entrance and walks to the podium...

Jerry: The winner of Angle of the year is not surprising..so without further delay..*Jerry opens the envelope*....
Dracon Xanthos is Deja Vu!!!

* The crowd applauds as Dracon rises to approach the stage to accept the award...suddenly a figure in a black Ninja suit runs up the aisle and shoves Dracon into a waitress and a tray of drinks..sending all 3 to the floor..the masked Ninja grabs the trophy from Jerry and runs through the back exit..leaving the crowd stunned.*

[SWAT Team]

{ Bottem of the bottle hits as Lonewolf McNeely makes his way across the stage in a pair of torn jeans and a black tux jacket. With the envelope in hand, Lonewolf gives a half grin at a mixed reaction crowd and holds the envelope high in his hands. }

Lonewolf McNeely: In this very envelope I hold before you the answer to what several young men in this company are awaiting. But before I announce the winner allow me to introduce to you all what award this is. This award goes out to SWAT’s most under rated wrestler of the year.

This award goes out to the one wrestler who over comes all the odds, the one wrestler who week in and week out is over looked, and quite possibly to the one wrestler who this company is overlooking. This award is going to the one wrestler who continues to claw, scratch and fight his way to the very top so the company will one day take notice of him.

{ Lonewolf stops and looks around at the crowd and flashes a half arrogant smile. }

Lonewolf McNeely: Funny, I guess I’m wasting everyones time by not giving my acceptance speech. I mean I am SWAT’s most under rated wrestler but you all knew that right? No seriously folks, the list of nominations have been sent in by you the fans, the wrestlers of SWAT but before I announce the real winner, here are your nominations and some video clips of each one of them.

For your first nomination I give you none other then Bruno!!!

{ The champ is here by Jadakiss is heard as video footage of Bruno is shown on a large big screen hanging over the podium. }

[ Shot of Bruno piledriving Lordi ]

[Shot of Bruno delivering the Bruno buster (brainbuster) on Lordi.]

[ Bruno with a Bulldog facebuster on Nasty Ned ]


Lonewolf McNeely: Two very impressive moves here and to say this man is under rated is an understatement, I predict big things from this man in the future. Your second nomination is none other then Kota.

[ Kota lifts Brickheat up and nails a running power slam ]

[ Kota bodyslams Dkahuna ]

[ Kota lays vicious shots to the head of Nasty Ned ]

Lonewolf McNeely: Well from the looks of the video clips, our nominees seem to have been battling this out for months on end now, and this would take it up to your next nomination *cough* sorry folks but umm…yes Nasty Ned Chambers.

{ Headstrong by Trapt is heard as the camera glances over to show a very happy Ned Chambers rubbing his hands together in anticipation of the award }

[ Nasty Ned Chambers picks Handy Andy up in the press slam dropping him back first right onto his knee ]

[ Nasty Ned delivers a Belly-To-Belly Suplex to Sam Piltdown ]

[ Shot of Ned and Ted runnnig down the ring with a chair each in there hands ... and taking out all three of the Untouchable's ]

{ Lonewolf McNeely shoots a glance over at Ned who just smiles }

Lonewolf McNeely: Anyways, while I’m here to present an award and not get tossed out for fighting, the next nominee is none other than Dave Brickheart.

{ Straight out of line by Godsmack is heard as the video clips begin to play. }

[ David takes this time to nail Kota right in the side of the neck with a screwdriver. ]

[ Shot of Brickheart nailing Lordi with a Hurricarana, then following it up with a elbow drop]

[ Shot of Brickheart hitting a cross body to the back of Mars, sending him face first into the pole, and both men tumble to the outside ]

Lonewolf McNeely: And the list of nominees get more impressive with every video clip, and your last but certainly not least pick for most under rated wrestler of the year is none other than Vulcan.[/b]

[ Seven wailing away on Mars with some huge shots from the bat ]

[ Shot of Vulcan nailing Lonewolf with the Spinal tap (spinebuster) ]

[ Vulcan picks up Tanner and powerbombs him a second time and then follows up with an elbow to the chest. ]

{ Lonewolf stares over at Vulcan and kicks the podium looking around the arena. }

Lonewolf McNeely: Oh aren’t we funny Mr. Producerman, showing a shot of Vulcan nailing me with the Spinal Tap, haha it is to laugh. Anyways, your winner of the most underrated wrestler of the year is ……….

{ Lonewolf rips open the envelop and looks at it for a good minute or so before lifting his head slowly and stares into the audience with a determined look. }

Lonewolf McNeely: DAVE BRICKHEART!!!!

{ Dave is shown making his way up to the stage as Lonewolf holds the award in his hand and stares at Brickheart for a good minute before extending a hand and then releasing the award over to Brickheart. }

[SWAT Team]

All Along the Watchtower hits as Packer makes his way to the podium....as he prepares to speak..a group of rowdy fans in the rear of the room start a chant..Packer laughs and smiles as he shakes his head in both pride and a touch of humility.

Fans: UCW!! UCW!! UCW!!

The SWAT officials look at each other and then towards the back of the room where the chant is coming from...several security people ask them to please quiet down..as Packer looks at Dom and chuckles.

Packer: I guess we know who the REAL stars are tonight..but nonetheless...Im here to award the HOTTEST Female in SWAT award..and the 3 nominees are....Fifi!!!

Applause rings around the room as Fifi stands and smiles in appreciation..then sits

Packer: Jada!!!

More applause as Jada stands and does a teasing little walk around the podium..several men declare their loyalty as she sits back down.

Packer: Gettin a bit warm in here....and Finally....DOMINO!!!

The Audience...the men anyway....erupt as Domino stands wearing a gorgeous black Vera Wang cocktail dress- too short to be seen in church and expensive enough to exceed the GDP of North Korea...she strikes a couple of sexy poses and then sits down.

Packer: Alrighty then.....so..there we are....the 3 nominees for the Hottest Female in SWAT. And..to be honest...theyre ALL pretty hot!!

Crowd agrees

Packer: BUT....only one can win...and sadly..I just cant in good conciense give this award to someone undeserving..the winner of this award has to be without a doubt THE HOTTEST WOMAN in SWAT!!!

The sexiest and most seductive woman in the entire company.....

Andrew Fulton: Ol' Regs hit the nail on the head..hasnt he..Cmon Reg..who is it??

Packer : This woman IS..without a doubt..not only the most sexy and seductive..but the most POWERFUL woman in the company.....

Jeremy Tucker : Is it Domino? I would think shes the most powerful....it HAS to be!!

Packer: You guys ready?...HAHAHA!!! This is gonna be great!!
Not only will the winner be the HOTTEST woman in SWAT..but she will carry the honor of being the greatest female power in SWAT. The trend setting..most cutting edge woman by which all others here will be measured by....and not to mention..she will occupy THAT very chair at MY table!!

Fulton/Jeremy: WHAT?!?!

Jeremy Tucker : Dominos gonna be in the H.O.P??

Andrew Fulton : Maybe its Jada!!..or Fifi.....Cmon Reg!!

Packer: The only problem is...Im afraid the 3 candidates ARENT capable of BEING what I just described..so..with this in mind....I took the liberty of adding a 4th candidate and right now..I wanna give you THE HOTTEST WOMAN IN SWAT...and the newest member of the H.O.P......

BRANDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jerry/Fulton: WHAT?!!?!

Strutter by KISS hits as Brandy walks out to the podium as the crowd sits in stunned silence...Packer smiles as she walks across the stage and waves..she walks by the 3 nominees who are looking at each other in both anger and disgust.

Jeremy Tucker : Packer cant do this..she isnt even IN SWAT!!

Andrew Fulton : Like he said though...the NEWEST member of the H.O.P!! And THATS who that 4th chair was for...and you thought it was Flare....youre a moron Jerry!!! Brandys the hottest woman in SWAT...and shes dressed all in white to show her purity!!

Packer smiles as Brandy takes the mike

Brandy: Well well well......look whose back!! And how fitting that I arrive just in time to be named the HOTTEST woman in SWAT!! Of course...looking at the competition...how could I NOT be the winner??

Jeremy Tucker : Thats uncalled for...these 3 ladies are ALL very beautiful and ANY of them deserve to be the winner!!!

Brandy : For those of you who DONT know me....Im the woman who took that slut Angel from the UWA...and made a REAL woman out of her...if you get my meaning!! And..it looks like SWAT has some ASPIRING talent of its own.

Brandy eyes the 3 women seductively..then contiues to speak.

Brandy : My My Domino..youve been working out..havent you?

Domino: You, my dear, are a RANK AMATEUR.

Brandy licks her lips slowly as Domino shakes her head slowly in pure disgust.

Jeremy Tucker : This is turning repulsive quickly!!

Andrew Fulton : Shhhh!! Shes speaking....and my God at what she has to say...WOW!!!

Brandy: Hopefully we can all WORK together very soon!! Now....since I am THE hottest woman here.....I have a little entertainment planned...I wanna give ALL you men a special lap dance..but.....first..you GIRLS will have to leave..this IS after all.....GROWN UPS only!!

Jada having heard enough...gets up and approaches Brandy...she pours a glass of red wine over her head and on her white shirt..Brandy looks at her with an enraged look as the crowd reacts.

Brandy: You.....you...you little.....you ruined my shirt!!!

Ya know what though? I get it..youre curios..ARENT you?

I could tell by that look in your eye..you like what you see....

Jada shakes her head in pure sick disgust as Brandy starts to unbutton her wine soaked shirt.

Brandy: Its ok..Im kinda WARM anyway....hit the music boys!!

STRUTTER starts again as Packer is all smiles and Brandy removes her top..then her mini as the crowd goes wild...her panties have 'SWAT THIS' written across the ass...she runs down and grabs the chair that has sat empty all night and begins a sexy and somewhat adult orientated dance on it. She leaves the chair and spots Jeremy Tucker..she quickly straddles his lap and begins another seductive dance..while he sits in shock.

Andrew Fulton: Now THATS a hot female Tucker!! WHOOHOO!!!!! Go Brandy!!! Whens my turn?

Jeremy Tucker: (eyes bulging out of his head) Fans..we've seen everything imaginable tonight..whats NEXT??

*bREAK*

[SWAT Team]

[Once again we see Chuck the cameraman walking up to the podium.]

Chuck: Now it's time to present the award for heel of the year...

[The crowd burst out in a chorus of boos and catcalls.]

Chuck: How I got stuck doing this I'll never know...

[Chuck pulls an envelope out from his coat.]

Chuck: The winner is... MARS!

[The boos from the crowd become even louder.]

Chuck: With Mars still in the hospital, we'll keep his award nice and safe in Domino's office... That'll serve her right for making me present these awards...

[The crowd starts laughing away until a loud voice yells from the back. The camera turns to show the Dogs of War and the Mechanic walking towards the stage.]

Mechanic: I think it's only right for me to come and collect this piece of shit award for my little brother...

[Berserk snatches the award out of Chuck's hand, then Frenzy escorts Chuck off the stage.]

Mechanic: If you no talent hacks think you had it rough with Mars playing all big and bad, you aint seen nothing yet...

[The trio turn and begin to walk away from the podium laughing all the way off stage.]

[SWAT Team]

[The camera returns from a commercial with the Connection of Adrian Tanner and Syberus standing on stage.]

Adrian: And now folks, it’s that very special time.

Syberus: That’s right Adrian, it’s time to find out who’s the lucky guy that no one cares about now, but you can sure as hell bet we’ll care about him at an undisclosed time this year!

Adrian: It’s rookie of 2004 time! That’s right, we’re pretty sure that at least one of these lower card guys will break out of that glass ceiling sometime soon.

Syberus: Well, maybe not –soon-…

Adrian: Good point. But one day. And I’m sure it’ll only be because we’ve retired by then, and are sunning it up on some beach in the south of france.

Syberus: Very probable. So, where’s the hat with the names in?

Adrian: Nah, the people voted for this one, too.

Syberus: Really? Huh… okay… well, the winner will receive this Snickers bar.

[Adrian holds up a snickers bar.]

Adrian: What’s that?

[Someone is telling Adrian something in his ear piece.]

Adrian: Apparently there’s an actual trophy on the podium behind us.

[They look.]

Syberus: Well I’ll be damned, we wasted gold on them, too?

Adrian: Man, this could’ve been made into another title that we could’ve won…

Syberus: Ah well, the little scamp’s earned it.

Adrian: Alright… the winner is…

[He opens the envelope.]

Adrian: Dave Brickheart!

[Brickheart makes his way up to the podium, and receives his trophy.]

Dave: Thank you Adrian and Syberus. I know that I have been looked down on ever since the first day that I walked into the SWAT locker room, but being able to accept this award here is a great honor because it shows your confidence in my ability. I am greatful to all of you and I plan on winning more gold real soon.

Syberus: Hold on a quick minute there skippy. I’m not finished yet. It appears that not only you won this but you tied with Sly Fondell.

[Shot of Sly shaking his head and refusing to get up.]

Adrian: It looks like Sly doesn’t want to come up here. I wouldn’t blame him, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead with Brickheart.

Syberus: Great, now go and play on the swings before your mom puts dinner out.

Adrian: But don’t get too messed up.

[SWAT Team]

Girls, Girls, Girls is played as the Model of Male perfection makes his way onto the stage, Sly is dressed in a black custom Armani suit with a creme silk shirt and a red silk tie, he adjusts his tie as he approaches the presenters podium

Sly: The model of male perfection has arrived, Live and in the flesh baby!! Man this place is jammin tonight, I see our esteemed owner Paul Soutter here, I didn't know they made tuxedo's in whale size!

Sly smiles at his joke

Sly: Our beautiful president is here as well and almost stealing the limelight away from me, only almost though, how you doin hon?

The camera focuses in on Domino, she doesn't look amused.

Sly: Now where's Lonewolf? If there was an award for moaning pussy of the year, you would get that one in a landslide vote, but since there aint then I guess you aint gonna win shinloa! Unlike myself and Jada!!

Sly blows a kiss to Jada who is sat at one of the tables and smiles as she blows him one back

Sly: Tonight it is SWAT's privelage that I present the award to the Wrestler who has been deemed the most popular by the Wrestlers themselves and of course, the great unwashed that is the Australian public

Murmors of annoyance come from the crowd, this brings a smile to Sly's face as he picks up the golden envelope that contains the winners name. Fondell opens up the envelope and his face turns to a picture of disgust as he sees the winning name

Sly: Unbelieveable!! This again proves that we should never, ever let the public vote, the communal braincell they share musta been working overtime to come up with this.

Sly looks at the name again and shakes his head

Sly: Ladies and Gentlemen and Lonewolf, The Winner of the Most popular Wrestler of the year is Bruno!

[Bruno's music plays out and he walks onto the stage, waving at the audience, he approaches Fondell who has hold of the award and shakes Sly's outstretched hand]

Sly: Congratulations to the most popular Wrestler of the year.................Sly Fondell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sly swings a heavy right hand that connects with Bruno face, the impact sending Bruno to the carpeted floor, Sly reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a set of brass knuckles and as Bruno groggily gets to his feet, BAM Sly hits him full on the jaw sending Bruno down and out.]

Sly: Ladies and Gentlemen I thank you from the bottom of my heart, now I know I derserve this and I will make you all proud!!

Sly starts to laugh as the audience jeer Fondell.

Sly: No-one here is on my level, by rights I should win every award that I am nominated in, and Bruno lets just say you aint fit to polish my car, nevermind be an award winner here

[Sly sees security starting to come on stage and smiles again.]

Sly: Once again ladies and gentlemen The Ace with the face thanks you...Goodnite

[Sly holds up the award in a champion like pose and leaves the stage as security and DKahuna arrive to help the ambushed Bruno]

[SWAT Team]

[Rip it Up by 28 Days hits and Soutter makes his way up from his table to the podium wearing his usual Hawaiian shirt open over the top of a SWAT T-Shirt.]

Soutter : What a night, this has turned out a lot better then i could of hoped for, and its a tribute to everyone here at SWAT ... this is the kind of evening that makes me so proud to be involved in this fed.

And on that note ... i get to present an award here that also makes me very proud.

Proud because it is a privilege to work together with all of you guys ... especially the winner of this award.

The Service to Swat award.

The winner of this award goes to the person who has gone above and beyond the call of duty here ... a person who has put there own personal career on hold in the ring ... to make time for all of the work that is required backstage to put a show like this together.

This man is the backbone of the fed ... a person who does as much around here as myself ... perhaps even more ... and i couldn't be happier to be handing out this award ... the most deserving of any here tonight in my opinion.

So .... lets not keep you or him waiting any longer ... the winner of Service to Swat award ... goes to ....... THE PUNISHER ..... DAN STEIN!!!!!

["More Human Than Human" by White Zombie plays as on the big screen behind the podium, a man, who looks strangely like Stein, only not as surly, looks to the camera.]

Dan: Thanks Sout. I work behind the scenes most of the time, and I can tell that most people here don't really know that much about me or what I do here. And that's fine by me. You keep churning out work, and I will keep helping to move it along.



Dan: You know, I am honored to receive this award, really. But in reality, a lot of people put a lot of hard work in here to get the job done. So I tip my cap to the committee, you have provided good direction for SWAT as a whole- I am really happy with the things we have done and the direction we are going. And the match writers- you guys have been great to work with too, and almost all of you are punctual! For as many shows and matches as we put out now, that is nothing short of impressive. I also want to thank Soutter. He's the engine that makes this train go. He's as easy to work with as anyone, and that is probably what makes SWAT go so smoothly.

[Another pause.]

Dan: But most of all, I want to thank everyone here at SWAT. You guys are great, and it's been a long time since I dealt with people as easy to work with as you are. It's really not work at all when you're having fun, and your open-mindedness and creativity are something I look forward to. Thanks again.

["More Human Than Human" by White Zombie plays as the screen fades and the camera moves back to the stage.]
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[SWAT Team]

["Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed as Dracon walks elegantly to the stage. He's wearing the finest Armani black tuxedo. You couldn't find a wrinkle, not even using a microscope. A group of beautiful teenagers AKA groupies are all excited screaming Dracon's name and holding up posters of him, and RH3 is clapping his hands in support... but the rest are booing]

Dracon: Packer, you see? They are chanting my name. Not like earlier tonight when they were chanting ECW because New Jack was backstage and you thought it was UCW. Give me a break.

[Some disturbance is heard coming from HOP's table]

Dracon: I see that Robert and those ladies are the only ones with brains down here on this island...

[The boos get louder]

Dracon: SHUT THE HELL UP!

[Boos get louder and louder]

Dracon: On...

[He's interrupted by the loud boos]

Dracon: ...on this island of sons of whores and criminals!

[Somebody throws a bottle at Dracon but he's able to catch it]

Dracon: Eumundi? You people have no taste. Anyway, let me get this finished as soon as possible... I gotta get out of this stinky place.

This award goes to the wrestler that has been able to connect with the people most. The man that has been able to open his way to the hearts of the SWAT fans. Yes, koalas and kangooroos have hearts.

And the nominees are... Behind a curtain? Optimus Prime? Nah, all this is crap. The promo of the year award belongs to one of the two men that I respect on this company. In my opinion, this man should've won that Australian title long ago, but he didn't thanks to Australia's favorite disgusting pig Soutter. In the eyes of those that can see, he IS the real deserving Australian champion.

Therefore, the 2004 SWAT Promo of the Year goes to...

MESSI... LONEWOLF McNEELY Personality Chaos Series!!!

{ Lonewolf stands at the podium with a stunned look across his face as he stares before the crowd and the company in disbelief. }

Lonewolf McNeely: I’m not quite sure what to say at the moment, I mean to be rewarded for being the best on the mic, for having a voice that gets everyones attention is ……

{ Lonewolf slams his head into the podium and rubs his head into his hands shortly afterwards. }

Lonewolf McNeely: No, not tonight, I am here as Lonewolf to win this award, it’s not your night Pagan so go away, please let me enjoy this award in piece.

{ A stunned crowd looks on as Lonewolf continues to deal with his personality issues upon the stage. }

Lonewolf McNeely: Anyways, as I was saying this is a great honor for my peers and the people of this company to award me for knowing how to capture you’re interest, to make you hang on my every word. It’s not always easy wondering ……

{ Once again Lonewolf slams his head into the podium and tries to hold himself up as he drops to a knee and begins foaming at the mouth. Lonewolf begins shaking his head back and forth, before wiping his mouth on the left sleeve of his tux. }

Lonewolf McNeely: Anyways, as I was telling all of you average people out there, nobody else deserved this award more then me. I was the only real choice for this award and if you don’t like it then maybe you should take a look in the mirror and see how plain you really are. Don’t hate me for being better then you, hate yourselves for not being me, Christian Sebastian Kennedy!

{ A gasp goes throughout the crowd as Lonewolf stands there stunned and slams the award across his head repeatedly, opening up a small cut. Lonewolf hangs his head down and stares at the podium in utter disbelief. }

Lonewolf McNeely: I’m sorry everyone, I have no clue what just came over me. But I LONEWOLF MCNEELY thank you all for your votes and appreciate each and everyone of you. I don’t know what just happened but I’m sorry. Once again thank you for your votes and look out because 2005 is the year of the wolf, LONEWOLF that is.

{ Lonewolf raises the award high in the air over his head as he slowly walks off the stage with a perplexed look on his face. }

[Dracon is seen with the same perplexed look on his face, but when notices that the camera is showing him, bursts up a big hypocrite smile]

Dracon: That was the great Lonewolf McNeely... with an extraordinaire performance of Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde... he could get an Academy Award for something like that... right?
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[SWAT Team]

(Shot comes in of Dave Brickheart walking up to the podium carrying an envelope in his hand.)

Dave: Great to see everyone tonight. Well I have been selected to hand out an award tonight, but not just any award. The category for this award is “best match”. The best match is the one where the roster and staff of SWAT thought two men gave the best performance of the year in the ring. Though I can only hope that someday I will be headlining such matches I must tip my hat to those who go out every show and practically destroy their bodies for the company and for the fans entertainment. Now for the winner of the “best match”.

(Dave tears open the envelope and digs into it. He pulls free the paper and unfolds it reading the print.)

Dave: No contest whatsoever. The winner is Adrian Tanner vs Sly Fondell-“Eruption” Australian Heavyweight Title Match.

(The crowd applauds the winner as Dave hands over the trophy and walks off as highlights of the epic battle between Tanner and Fondell show up on the big video screen.)

[SWAT Team]

[To the podium comes SWAT President Domino, in her black Vera Wang dress cut high enough to be banned in several Arab nations. How hot is she looking tonight? Close your eyes, and imagine the hottest brunette you’ve ever seen. As you open your eyes, you realize that Domino is hotter than that. She steps to the podium with some small note cards.]

DOM: Tonight, I am proud to announce the winner of SWAT’s most prestigious award, the gold standard, the award from which all others are judged. Of course, I’m talking about SWAT’s Wrestler of the Year. It is the award given to the person who made the biggest impact on the wrestling scene in 2004. We had a lot of wrestlers step forward and really kick ass in SWAT this year. But these 4 wrestlers really stood out.

[The screen behind Domino illuminates with the pictures of Adrian Tanner, Jr., Sly Fondell, Lonewolf McNeely, and Mars.]

DOM: Our first nominee…



DOM:…had what by all standards would be called a career year in SWAT this year. Bringing the old CWA Statewide title to his debut, Tanner went on to take the Statewide title from Kota. Then, also took Heavyweight title from Sam Piltdown, a man he had not beaten in 3 tries previously. He became the first wrestler in Australia’s long history to concurrently hold both singles titles. The Tanner legacy lives on. Our next nominee…



DOM: …defined the words, “Ladies Man.” He came up through the ranks and made his mark in SWAT this year with attitude. He told the world “The future is Fondell, baby!” and made good on his promise by defeating Adrian Tanner and ending 2004 as the reigning SWAT Australian Heavyweight Champion. Next…



DOM: …Our next nominee started unsure of himself, but took us on a months-long odyssey into the complex life of one Christian Sebastian Kennedy. The result was some of the most entertaining and dominating performances of 2004. And finally…



DOM: …This man did what he does best, terrorize everyone around him. He solidified his monster reputation by re-capturing and holding the Statewide title, becoming the longest reigning Statewide champion in history. And he still remains one of the most feared men on the SWAT roster.

[The picture of the 4 wrestlers comes back on the screen.]

DOM: And the winner of the 2004 SWAT Wrestler of the Year Award goes to…

[Domino opens the envelope in front of her. A smile creeps over her face.]

DOM: ADRIAN TANNER, JUNIOR!!

[“Walk with me” by Young Buck play and the camera zooms over to the Connection’s table. Adrian, shocked, stands up, shakes hands with Syberus, and makes his way up to the stage.]

Adrian: Wow! I...heh...I’m speechless. This is...just...wow! Well, where to begin, eh? I have to give some props to my Connection partner Syberus, who’s become like a brother to me in the past 7 or so months we’ve been a team. I know I wouldnt be where I was right now without his support.

Then, of course there’s the great fans of Australia. I’ve said it numerous times, but I really mean it when I say this country’s become like a 2nd home to me, and I couldnt be what I’ve been without all you great fans!

Whew, well what a Year huh? I bet nobody expected to see me where I am, least of all me. 2004 truly was a year I’ll never forget. I did everything I wanted to and then some. I managed to exceed all of my goals that I set out for myself when I joined this business a little over a year ago, and I could say right now, that I could retire right here if I wanted to and I’d be happy.

So, it is with no regret that I am hereby...

[The camera zooms out to the crowd, in shock.]

Adrian: ....You wish. I’m on a *beep*in roll right now! You think Im gonna walk away from all this? You think I’d actually do that to my partner? Guess again. 2004 was a hell of a year for Adrian Tanner, but Adrian Tanner aint even close to being done! I proved all those who doubted me wrong, but now I’ve gotta prove I can STAY at the top, and you bettter believe I will!

So, thanks again for this. We aint done yet, b*beep*es! 2005's OUR Year! The Year of The Connection! And we like it like that!

[“Walk with Me” plays again and Adrian Tanner walks off stage. Domino comes back to the podium.]

DOM: 2004 was sure a great year, and I can't wait to see what unfolds for 2005. We hope you enjoyed the 2004 SWAT Awards- thank you and GOOD NIGHT!!