2005 SWATTIES

[SWAT Team]

Scene opens to a jam packed Paladium ballroom at Melbourne's Crown Casino. There are tables set up with a mixture of fans and superstars filling the ballroom. Shot moves up to the stage where Master of Ceremonies Swat ring announcer Frank Salazar is standing.

Frank Salazar : LADIES AND GENTLEMAN ... WELCOME TO THE 2005 SWATTIES!!!

TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE THE YEAR THAT WAS AND REWARD THOSE WHO EXCELLED IN THE PAST GONE YEAR. THESE AWARDS ARE VOTED ON BY YOUR FELLOW MEMBERS.


“All Around the World” starts to play as The Mute Blonde Bombshells walk out on stage carrying the Bermuda Triangle Champion and the Caribbean Heavyweight Championship. James Fierce then follows, with his new custom made Supreme Caribbean Unified Championship title around his shoulder and the most prestigious world title in the business around his waist, the Hardkore World Championship . James the walks up to the podium.

James Fierce: Well, well, well, the SWAT higher ups want me to present an award, eh? Cool. No problem whatsoever. I will be highly compensated though. At least I will be if they know what’s good for ‘em.

Scene cuts to the back to Fierce’s locker room were a large cache of explosives can be seen…then back to Fierce.

James Fierce: Well, no that the formalities are out of the way. Let’s get on with the awards shall we?

Lucy and Lacy: …

James Fierce: Yes, I’ll blow the place up. They promised an open bar, but yet I haven’t seen one yet. What’s up with that?

Lucy and Lacy: …

James Fierce: There is an open bar? Shit. Whatever you do…Do not use your cell phones.

Lucy and Lacy: …

James Fierce: Okay, okay, on with the awards, shall we?

Voice Over: Its time for the Best Dressed Category.

James Fierce: And the Nominees are:

Dracon Xanathos, shit you’re kidding me, right? How is he even in the running? Damn.

Sly Fondell, Sly? Sly fondle? I guess the child molester look is in this year…

Microshocker? The Anus man? Nope. Not this year.

And lastly, Paul Soutter. KGB member and loyal friend…

Voice over: And the winner is…

James Fierce: Paul Soutter!!!


Rip it up by 28 Days hits and Soutter jumps up and heads up to the podium some fans slapping him on the back on his way, he is wearing his SWAT t-shirt and Hawaiian shirt.

Suit swaggers to the stand and high five's Fierce who hands the SWATTIE over to his KGB brother.

Soutter : Thanks James!

Best Dressed ... how about that?

You can take your fancy suits pretty boys and shove 'em ... Hawaiian Shirts is what its all about turkey's!

Suit and Fierce high five again and then head towards the KGB table together.

[SWAT Team]

(Dave Brickheart walks out onto the stage and the applause begins. He waves to the audience as he takes his place behind the podium. Straitening his suit and clearing his throat he prepares for his speech. With a smile he begins.)

Brickheart: A year ago we had these awards and at the time all I could think was that a name like mine was just another minnow in a pond too big for it. Just a stray little superstar who had no credits and no chance of making anything of himself. I believed that not many if any other superstar in the back really knew who I was. I was proven wrong when I won two of the awards I was nominated for. I received the Rookie of the Year award, which made me feel accepted amongst my peers. Then I went and got the award that I’m about to hand out. I won the Most Improved Wrestler of the Year award. That made me feel appreciated by my associates and coworkers. And all that lead to was one accomplishment after another. I had a great run against Mars and Syberus. I stole a title from one region and brought it to another. I had a reign as the Caribbean’s champion. And what I’m most proud of out of everything is that I am able to call many of my fellow superstars my close friends. I’ve accomplished this year more than what I set out to accomplish and I hope that who receives this award will do the same or even more than I did. Now onto the presentation…

(Dave pulls out the sealed envelope with the winner’s name inside of it. He tears open a corner and stops smiling a little. The audience gets a little riled up.)

Brickheart: Yeah the anticipation is killing me too.

(He breaks down into the envelope and removes the card with the name onto it.)

Brickheart: And the winner of the Most Improved Wrestler of the year award is ………………………………………DAVID SADLER!!!

(Sadler gets up from his seat and makes his way to the stage as the crowd cheers for him winning this award. When Sadler gets to the podium Brickheart hands him the award and walks off leaving Sadler to speak.)

Rage Sadler:

Hey I am RAGE SADLER.............BITCH!

Wow what an achievement for me here I have been nominated as the Most Improved of 2005. I should be honoured that my peers would recognise my efforts. I had a great year in 2005, I picked up the SCW Extreme Chaos Championship at the start, followed by the GCW Tag Team titles. Not to mention a couple of runs I had over at UCW. It was the bets year I had since my rookie year of 2002. I should be proud of myself.

However I am not. You see I have not improved a damn bit, I have always been this good. Just I was ignored by the old guard in the past and continually shit on by a number of companies and wrestlers over the last few years. I am sick and tired of being held down while the same old muscled up morons get all the fame. I am as good a wrestler as anyone on the SWAT roster. I am as good a wrestler as anyone on any roster!

Even still with performing as well as I had across the board last year, I still did not manage to get any gold around my waste here in this company. It did not matter how much blood I spilt, I was still treated as a second tier wrestler by all. You know why? I have nothing but this award for a whole years worth of work. Is this all I am worth? Is this what I will get come January next year? Is it worth me even lacing my boots up for this place anymore?

Why am I hated so damn much? You see that parts very simple, I worked for UCW. This place is full of prejudice just like everywhere else. I worked my arse off for this company and it did not mean shit because I am still affiliated to UCW. Well folks, this may make you cry but were still alive. That is because of me! I work my arse of for every company going and I have always got very little in return. That even goes for UCW who back in the days when it was run by Reggy Packer and his little boyfriend Syberus I was screwed over time and time again. That ends in 2006. This really is the year of Sadler!

That’s why I see this Most Improved Award as nothing but a spit in my face, of who I am and all that I achieved elsewhere before.

Speaking of places I have been elsewhere before that I probably should not shoot on. But I am going to. TKOW. What a fucking shit hole. The federation where you have to be a booker to be in the Main Event. I gave that place four years of my life and got nothing back. I am glad that place is going down the toilet because that’s exactly what it deserves. However it’s far worse now, it’s being run by our good old friend Phoenix.

That means if you suck up, you get a title. He’s even put himself up in the Main Event for the next show. It’s funny how he’s only ever achieved that in federations he has been creatively involved with. Oh and he gets a title shot, huge shock there. Not that we expected anything less from the business biggest prick.

Basically my message is very simple, I am alive people. In 2006 you are going to see my take no prisoners as I rise to the top of the mountain and spit down on all of those people who previously shit on me.

That is reality!

[SWAT Team]

SWAT tron fuzes in static as all heads in the room turn towards it then switches to ....

Camera shows footage of Messiah pacing back and forth around an empty room where Jen Hunglestein is tied to the cross with barbed wire laying towards the side. With muffled screams taking place, Messiah looks over shaking his head and trying not to look at Jen.

Messiah: I know what i'm doing is wrong, believe me I know. I don't want to do this, but I have to. It's really nothing personal, it's just business. I don't know what to do, maybe I should let you go, maybe I shouldn't. I don't know what to do, this isn't how I pictured everything taking place. But jewel was in a slump, this had to be done because she deserves her time to shine.

More muffled sounds are heard as Messiah can't even look at Jen.

Messiah: I know it's cheating, don't you think I know better than anyone? And your time will come but it's the only way. You don't belong in this business and i'm really doing this as a favor to your husband. He didn't want you in the ring and this is the reason why. Now maybe you'll listen to him, i'm not wanting to hurt you but I have no choice, pleas understand that.

The scene fades out as messiah contines to pace around the room in confusion.

[SWAT Team]

[Isaac Black is standing at the podium, dressed in his typical gray suit with red silk shirt underneath it, and a SWAT: Rockies baseball cap.]

Isaac Black: I’m here to hand out the award for the most underrated wrestler of the year. This is the guy who is there night in and night out, but isn’t in the main event feuds. The guy who consistently gets a reaction, but someone else might be burning brighter at that moment.

Here are your nominees.

Jason Taylor

[Run a clip of Taylor highlights.]

Kota and the House of Pain

[Show a series of clips of Kota and the House of Pain.]

Killer

[Show some highlights of Killers feud with Jack Kross]

CK Panic

[Clips of CK fighting Legion X, and winning Statewide Title matches.]

Jack Kross

[Show Kross hitting the Kross A Nation on Jack Flack through a table.

We cut back to Isaac Black.]

And the winner is…


CK Panic!


Take Me Out hits and Panic makes his way to the podium, he and Black High five.

CK inspects his award and then holds it up triumphantly, prompting a few more cheers from the audience.

CK Panic: A lot of people would take an award like "Most Underrated" to mean that this person is liked, but held down. That no matter how hard a guy works, it's just not recognized enough. And I've gotta say, I agree. So let's get to the bottom of this right now!

[The crowd laughs as CK storms behind the curtain, cameras following him.]

CK Panic: Underrated? I'll under their rates! Wait...

[CK arrives at a backstage dressing room marked "Xanathos." He starts knocking.]

CK Panic: Hey, open up! It's your underrated wrestler of the year! You and me need to talk!

[No response.]

CK Panic: I want to talk about a pay raise.

[An alarm goes off and security appears out of nowhere to give chase. CK dodges them and makes it back to the podium while the audience laughs.]

CK Panic: Well, the mystery continues, I guess. But I do want to thank everyone. God, the fans, my fellow coworkers, and especially SWAT itself for giving me the chance to make an impact. I'm going to take my place as most underrated and make it the jumping off point to be top man here in SWAT! Thank you...I've earned this.

[The crowd cheers as CK holds his prize up once more. The cheers turn to laughs again as security comes out on stage and chases Panic off.]

[SWAT Team]

Scene comes back up with Soutter on the stage.

Paul Soutter : Now is the time for the best newcomer to SWAT. Here at SWAT the new guys, they come and go, well, most of them. Some have what it takes to make it, some want the world title there first match then go off and start there own fed so as to crown themselves world champion.

There are some who sign up and you just roll your eye's knowing they wont last, but for all of them two match wonders, its all worth it when you get a hot new talent that makes you look up and take notice. Someone who stands out from the rest.

The nominee's for Swat best newcomer are .....

Jerry Nelson III.
Dew
Microshocker
Killer
Jay St Clair
Reverend Cornelius Marsh
and Jason Taylor

and ... the winner is .... say it along with me ... you all know who's got this one ..... MICROSHOCKER!!!!

(The audience looks towards the dining table at which the Microshocker is seated. Bad Boy King Kong, Mr. Computer and Dew are seated with him. The Microshocker gets up and struts his way on to the stage. Bad Boy King Kong follows him. While on his way, Bad Boy King Kong shoves Robert Hunglesteins nose into his ass…Hunglestein chases him but is stopped by security on the way. The Shock and Kong run onto the stage. The Shock grabs the award and comes to make his speech.)

Microshocker: I, the Microshocker, am honoured that the Swat Academy has chosen me to be the best new cummer of the year…however, I feel that there is someone out there who has done much more than me this year as a rookie… someone who has had a much bigger impact… DEW, please come up here and take this award.

(Dew looks on surprised, he has a box of chocolates in his hand. He runs onto the stage in glee. He grabs the award from the Microshocker and hugs him. Dew makes his speech.)

Dew: WOW, this is great. DO THE DEW –

(Kong grabs the mic stand tears off the cables from it. He picks it high in the air and shatters it on to Dew’s head. Dew lays there unconscious.)

Dew: OUCH, do the DEW.

(Kong drags Dew behind the curtain and the shadows show the two rolling around doing god knows what. Some of the wrestlers who brought their kids to the events take them back. There is madness at the hall. The Microshocker stands there, fingering his own balls while watching this sexual act. He comes out of the zone and talks on the mic.)

The Microshocker: AINT THERE NO FUCKER WHO IS TAKING THIS AWARD FROM ME! MY SECOND SWATTY! UP YOURS YOU BLOODY HATERS.

(The Shock’s music plays….)

[SWAT Team]

The camera is backstage, in the Crown Casino parking garage. Fifi is standing by….sticking her fingernail in between two teeth as though she’s trying to get some food out.

Cameraman: Uh….Fifi?

Fifi (with finger lodged in mouth): I think….I got something….stuck…in my mouth….

Cameraman (muttering): Like that’s new…

Fifi: Huh?

Cameraman(impatiently): We’re on! Like, right now!

Fifi: Fine….God! You don’t have to yell at me. (Suddenly becomes professional) Hi, SWAT fans! Sorry to interrupt the awards ceremony, but as you may or may not know, rumors have been flying that SWAT is going to be seeing a special guest tonight. And I’ve just heard that a limo has been seen approaching…oh gosh, it’s here! I wonder who it is! Maybe a returning SWAT superstar…?

Indeed, a black limo pulls into the parking lot and rolls to a stop within range of the camera. The windows are heavily tinted, so it’s impossible to see who is inside. Fifi approaches the limo.

Fifi: Uh….hello? Can I have a word with you…?

The door opens, and after some fleeting seconds a svelte leg slips out, covered by black lace stockings. The leg goes all the way up to a black leather miniskirt and semi-tasteful red lace blouse. As the woman is fully revealed we see a very attractive blond, with long slightly curled hat, wearing a white cowboy hat. Her smile is wide….but there is also something simultaneously eerie about it. Fifi looks at the woman strangely.

Fifi: Hey…you look kinda familiar….but…

Fifi stops speaking when the woman looks hurt by her words.

Woman (looking pouty): Oh…well hello to you too! “…look kinda familiar…” Heh!

She looks back inside the limo.

Woman: Baby, can you believe it?! This broad has no clue!

Now, it’s Fifi’s turn to look insulted…but the feeling quickly turns to shock when a middle aged, but well built man with a pitch black suit steps out. His hair is very light blond, slicked back…his eyes are a cool light blue. A German might take him to be the perfect example of the once lauded Aryan ideal. Fifi takes a step back…

Fifi (putting her hand to her mouth): Oh my God…

Woman: We’re gonna have to change that, aren’t we Jace…

Jace Mingla. Formerly of TKOW and out for the last few months on injured reserve…and now standing in front of SWAT’s very own Fifi.

Fifi: I know you though! You’re Jace Mingla! But you’re employed by TKOW!

Jace snakes his arm around the woman’s waist…the woman obviously being Madison Dyson…heir to a million dollar multinational arms conglomerate and widely renowned in the wrestling world as quite possibly the craziest bitch in the history of the industry.

Jace (smoothly): Employed by TKOW? Not anymore…I’ve closed the book on TKOW.

Fifi: But…but why?! Are you coming to SWAT? What region will you wrestle in?!!

Jace: Is the stage free right now?

Fifi: …wha….huh?

Jace: The stage. Is it free? I have something to say.

Fifi (confused): Well…uh….not really. I think they were about to give the award for the best newcomer to SWAT.

Jace laughs and Fifi seems to be put off by this.

Jace: Best newcomer, huh? How appropriate…

Fifi: Well, before you go, can I ask you some questions?

Jace: No. But you can point me in the direction of the stage.

Fifi does so, and Jace and Madison brush past her, but Fifi persists.

Fifi: Wait….please answer some questions! Does your leaving TKOW have anything to do with the recent change of ownership there?

Jace (still walking): No comment.

Fifi: Why are you coming to SWAT? Is it because you’re dissatisfied with TKOW…is it because of Phoenix and HPWA taking over…?

Jace stops suddenly. The camera pans over to his face, he looks to be keeping a high degree of annoyance in check.

Jace: Madison, do your thing…

Madison: YAY!!

Madison leaves Jace’s side and walks over to Fifi casually. Fifi watches her come with a pleasant, expectant expression on her face. Suddenly, Madison grabs her violently by the throat and pushes her back up against a parked car. Fifi drops her mic, and the cameraman can be heard cursing in surprise, but nonetheless he focuses on what is transpiring.

Madison: Bitch, you are really fucking pissing me off. And I don’t mean a little pissed off, I mean “slash your stomach open, rip out your guts, tie them around your throat, attach them to the bumper of my car and drag you around the city until you’re a heaping pile or blood, organs, and pus” fucking pissed off. Now if you don’t stop asking stupid questions, I am going to give in to the aforementioned homicidal urge and ruin your pretty little face. Capiche?

Fifi, looking terrified, nods lamely.

Madison: Great. (calms suddenly) Love the blouse.

Madison leans in and licks Fifi’s face, laughs, and comes back over to Jace’s side. By this point, Jace has lit a cigarette and has a bemused expression on his face.

Jace: You know…that never gets any less sexy…

Madison (all smiles): All for you baby.

Jace walks away from the scene, Madison in tow and starts to make his way towards the center of the show. He soon arrives, amidst tables upon tables of SWAT superstars awaiting the presentation of the next award. Before long, whispers mount to a crescendo as people begin to notice the newcomers. A stage hand who was brining out the next award on stage stops dead in his tracks, looking confused as Jace and Madison are walking down the center aisle proceed to get up on the stage. Jace approaches the stage hand and carefully takes the award from him, the stage hand being too confused to protest. Jace finally gets to the podium as the murmurs of discontent are getting louder. Jace places the award down on the podium next to him and taps the mic a couple times to test it.

Jace: Hello….yeah, you all mind shutting the fuck up for a few minutes? This won’t take long.

Some outright shouts of protest follow, but Jace waits patiently for the din to stop.

Jace: For those of you who haven’t had the displeasure of knowing me, my name is Jace Mingla. If you’ve seen me at all, it was probably on TKOW. Or you might have even seen me on the news about five years ago, damn near getting my brains blown out on live television when some psycho bitch tried to kill me. Whatever. Point is, TKOW is in the past. That place is a sinking ship now helmed by everybody’s favorite Gospel spewing hypocrite. It was clear even when the place was run by the marginally competent FIRM global enterprises that I wasn’t going anywhere due to backstage fear of me…and I damn sure wasn’t going anywhere now that HPWA moved in when Soulfly allowed himself to become a welcome mat. And if there is one thing I hate more than anything…it’s being held back.

SWAT….that won’t happen here. And you know why? Because you’re smarter than the egotistical fucks who ran TKOW. I’m too damn good to be held down. It’s just not good for business to even attempt to keep someone like me in check. Do not….DO NOT…make the same mistake.

Because mistakes make me very angry. And I tend to hurt people when I’m angry. Badly.

Speaking of which, to all the SWAT superstars that have been sitting, EVER so patiently thus far listening to this rant, I offer you this. If you don’t like what I’m saying, do something about it. I need to build up a new reputation here, and if you want to be the first broken body on the new road I’m building, be my guest. Go on, step up. Be the Jesus to my Satan baby….martyr yourself by my hand. I LOVE that shit…

At this point, Jace notices some weird stares from some in attendance as they start to realize how decidedly “unhinged” Jace is.

Jace: Oh, sorry…you guys probably aren’t used to shit like that. But you’ll have to deal. Because you will quickly find out that I don’t operate quite like most of the guys you have here in SWAT…not like most of the egotistical little assholes who get off on the fame and fortune of it all. Shit, I AM an asshole, I’ll admit that….but I’m so much more….so, so much more….

Jace descends into a light, but sick sounding laugh.

Jace: I’m gonna {No Means No} this place…I’m gonna fuck SWAT ‘till it hurts…and I won’t stop until I’ve reestablished the legacy I built in TKOW, regardless of titles or little pissant awards like these…

….I am your God. You just don’t know it yet.

Jace concludes with chilling finality, casting a glance at the award sitting next to him with scorn.

Jace: Now come up here and get your award you little sheep…come up here and collect your hollow accolades…

[SWAT Team]

(We see Fifi stop at the table where TPT is sitting. ROP is telling Ruppy something and Ruppy, who looks to be in pain, laughs at it. Fifi breaks up their conversation for an interview.)

Fifi: Excuse me gentlemen. I was wondering if I could get an interview with you guys. Would that be OK?

ROP: Sure, shoot.

Fifi: OK, as we all know, you guys have been chosen to represent the Springfield region in the cross-region Fatal 4-Way Elimination Tag Team Match at New Year's Nightmare, and I wanted...

ROP: Wait, Cash chose us!? Ruppy, when did this happen?

Ruppy: It happened... a while ago. I guess he considered us a better team than those BWShitheads.

(The camera turns to a nearby table, where Kingpin, a BWS member, glances back with a look of anger on his face. The camera returns to TPT.)

Fifi: OK, I wanted your comments on the match-up.

Ruppy: Comments? Easy. We are what we're called. We're The Perfect Team, and we're gonna be the next tag champs.

Fifi: Now Ruppy, I can see that your arm is in a cast, and you're back looks like it's still hurting. My next question is: Will you still be able to compete in that match, after all the abuse you took on the last Rampage?

Ruppy: You call that pain? You call that abuse? Sure, my arm is broken, no thanks to Bishop, and my back is in pain, no thanks to Rich, but I've taken much worse. So yeah, I'll be ready.

ROP: Ruppy has even been trying to get a hold of Mr. Cash for a while now. Apparently, on the next Rampage after New Year's Nightmare, he wants a No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere match against Rich.

Fifi: OK, thanks for the comments you two. And good luck at NYN.

[SWAT Team]

Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue starts up as gold lights flash across the stage. The Armani superstar Sly Fondell steps into the lights, his arrogant smirk beaming, he is holding a gold envelope and a Swattie award.

Sly: The model of male perfection has arrived....Live and in the flesh baby!

Fondell looks out at the gathered SWAT superstars and smiles his arrogant smile, only Jada claps for him. Adrian Tanner Jnr eyes Fondell hatefully from his table but remains seated.

Sly smirks at Tanner then returns his gaze to the audience

Sly: Tonight it is my privilege to present the award for the sexiest diva of the year, SWAT has it's fair share of beautiful women.................. Domino

Sly stares at the ex-pres

Sly: Here is one hot lady people, she's so hot she's smoking. I bet you still think about the Ace don't ya hon?

Domino's face grimaces in distaste and she shakes her head

Sly: Kaycee Tanner!

Sly points to Kaycee who is sat with her brother Adrian

Sly: Sorry baby, but southern fried skank aint in this season!

Sly laughs. Adrian kicks over his chair as he gets up to rush the stage. Kaycee stops him and whispers something to him, Adrian smiles and looks at Fondell and sits back down

Sly: That's the right choice Aids, you don't want your ass kicked before our big match!

Tanner smiles and looks at Fondell

Sly looks to where Jada is sat, man does she look amazingly hot, so hot that polar ice caps are in danger of melting.

Sly: There she is. The Atlantic City Angel, sent down by God himself to show the world what true beauty is.my Jada!

Sly blows Jada a kiss and holds up the envelope

Sly: We all know who the winner is, it's a one women race, right baby!

Sly winks at Jada

Sly: Without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen the SWAT Diva of 2005 is..................Ja....

Sly opens the envelope and stares in disbelief

Sly: M...M....MICROSHOCKER!

(Everyone looks around…the Shock is nowhere to be found. All of a sudden, we see a person walking from backstage towards the stage….(She) is slim and sexy, wearing a blue thong and a pink Victoria Secret’s top. Oh yeah, it’s the Microshocker. He waves to everyone. A NIPPLE SLIP, the Shock pouts it back in. He walks his flat chested self to the mic…Fondel looks on in Shock…The Shock kisses him on the cheek, then nails him with a huge French kiss. Fondel spits the Shocker’s saliva out. He slaps the Shocker. The Shock begins to cry as Bad Boy King Kong comes running out and nails Fondel from behind with an avalanche. He sits on Fondel to prevent him from getting up again.)

The Microshocker: Oh my God! My second Swatty! And the night is still young, imagine how many i will have by the end. Now this is big…this makes me the guy who will be on tommorow’s paper, who will be the biggest superstar of the next year, and the biggest commodity of the millennium. I am bigger than the Titanic, bigger than Gladiator, a one-man-AWARD-SHOW! HAHAHA!

(Boos and disgust from everyone..KONG farts on Fondell, Fondel goes unconscious…)

The Microshocker: Being the Diva of the Year is a big thing for me, as I have never considered my self very sexy. Yes I am horny, wild and hungry for sex with whatever object of lust I can find, but, I was always very conscious of my looks. But now, I have proved to everyone that you don’t need a big butt or round nipples…all you need is a good heart. And the Shock has that. So I would like to leave you all by saying one thing…Happy Cumming.

[SWAT Team]

We see Pablo Escobar (Caribbean commentator) up on stage to present the next award.

Pablo Escobar : Hola-a. The next-a award-a will be presented-a by myself-a and a favourite-a down in the Caribbean-a.

Shot outside the Casino of The Connections giant robot Rosie towering over the Crown complex.

Pablo : Rosie ... hows-a it going out-a there-a?

Rosie standing motionless, she is just a robot after all.

Pablo : Thats-a nice-a. And the weather-a? Its-a been-a pretty hot-a down-a here-a.

Rosie still motionless.

Pablo : (muttering to himself) Who's-a bright-a idea was-a this-a ... stupid-a hunk of junk-a pile of bolts-a. (realising he is still on stage.) Thanks-a Rosie for that-a.

Now-a ... best-a theme-a of the year-a ... and if anyone-a would know-a about theme's-a it would be-a groover and shaker-a like-a me-a.

The nominee's are-a ....

Franks Salazar voice over ....

Genity Howard - "Cataclysmic Clash" Mega Man 3 OST ... 10 second tid bit of the song hits ...
The Connection - "Battleflag" Lo Fidelity AllStars ... 10 second tid bit of the song hits ...
James Fierce - "Around the world" Red Hot Chili Peppers ... 10 second tid bit of the song hits ...
Nick Collyer- "Where Eagles Dare" The Misfits ... 10 second tid bit of the song hits ...
C.K. Panic - "Take me Out" Franz Ferdinand ... 10 second tid bit of the song hits ...

Pablo : And-a the winner-a is-a ..... James Fierce - "Around the world" Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Around the world" Red Hot Chili Peppers hits and The Hardkore World Champion The Supreme Caribbean Unified Champion walks out, with Lucy and Lacy, both whom are holding the Bermuda and Caribbean title on their shoulders.

James Fierce: You know what? I knew I was going to win. We all know when Around the World starts over the PA that I am about to wow and amaze the audience. The crowd feels the excitement. Not only do they get to hear the best band of all time, they get to watch me, James Fierce, the greatest tag wrestler, and on the way to be the greatest singles wrestler of all time…just like I’m the greatest lover, right ladies?
Lucy and Lacy: …

James Fierce: That’s right. Don’t forget to tune in to Hardkore and watch me destroy another paper champion…and of course hear the greatest theme, ever. By the way, Brickheart? Who? Yeah, you ain’t heard of him either.

[SWAT Team]

The camera cuts to a table and someone who hasn't been seen here in SWAT in a while. It seems like Jerry Nelson has seen fit to come to the awards ceremony for this year. He's alone at a table in the back corner, wearing a formal tux that he seems rather ill at ease in. On his right leg is a large plaster cast and leaning against the chair is a couple of crutches:

Fifi: It's Jerry Nelson, we haven't seen him since his "Proving ground" match at Overtaken. How are you doing Jerry?

:Jerry smiles reproachfully at the question, but does answer briskly..: I'm alright, Landed wrong in that last fall, that's why I disappeared for so long. The doctors had to pin the thing in place and everything, but I'm recuperating nicely and should be back in the ring in a few more months.

Fifi looks rather shocked at this.

"Gawd that's pretty awful you got any plans for the new year or anything?"

"Nah, it's just going to be me and some friends like usual. I've had a lot of time to think things over and come to some realizations. Things were pretty bad and frankly, it was my attitude that got me hurt like that.

Anyway, I'm here to just support the fellows and give credit where credit is due.. oh and to let you guys know that I dropped off of the face of the earth, but I'll be back in a SWAT ring as soon as I"m cleared by the doctors. I do plan on being around more, though, getting to know the new talent and getting back into the swing of things. I might mentor a newcomer or something along those lines, I haven't decided yet. But Jay will be a part of SWAT again and hopefully an influential part.

He smiles softly, "I shouldn't be monopolizing the show. I'll be available for interviews as normal. Perhaps we should schedule something?"

[SWAT Team]

“The concept of Tag Team wrestling has been around since nearly the beginning of our sport. Yet it remains one of the most dynamic and exciting innovations. The quick minds and near-synchronized coordination it requires to be a great tag team are extremely rare qualities today, unforunately. But, the three nominations tonight have more then demonstrated that they outperform, outwrestle, and just plain outclass every team in sight. But which one will reign as the highest of the high?”

Genity adjusted his tie nervously. “Why the hell am I here… What the hell do I know about tag teams? The only one I’ve been in was with Killer. And look how well that went. Grr…” He bit his lip, mumbling incoherent curses.

The mummy commando/presenter noticed the stares of those around him, as well as a few grimaces from those near him. Smelling like a used cigarette probably isn’t the most pleasing scent. One of the many negatives of being used as a human bonfire. Wiping his brow, he continued:

“Will it be… the Kross Global Bandits? The Connection? Legion X?” He audibly twitched as the last words passed his lips, but shrugged them off as best he could. “T-the moment of truth has arrived!”

*SHRRRRIP!*

Genity unfolded the paper, chuckling a bit. “Well I’ll be damned. They DO always win. Eh heh heh… Um, anyways, the tag team of the year is…”

“THE CONNECTION!~”

[Battleflag" by Lo-Fidelity AllStars plays as the camera focuses on The Connection's table, where Adrian Tanner starts to get up.]

Announcer: "Playing the part of Syberus tonight...Rosie the Robot!"

[The Video screen flashes on, again showing the 50 foot tall giant machine towering over the Crown Casino outside. Only this time she's dressed in a ginormous "Syberus" black t-shirt. The top of her head's been painted black and there's a huge cardboard belt tied around her midsection. The middle reads "SWAT World tag team champion".]

[The scene switches back to the table, showing a dejected Matthew Perry (wearing an almost similar getup as the robot) sitting back down in his seat as Adrian makes his way to the stage, where he shakes hands with Genity, and steps up to the podium.]

Adrian: "Thank you, thank you. First off, we'd like to thank god, for putting us on this earth and gifting us with the almighty talents of awesomeness that have allowed us to run roughshod over every other team we've faced in the last two years. "

[The camera shifts up to "Syberus."]

Adrian: "Haha! Right on, Syb! And we'd of course like to thank ourselves, y'know, for BEING the awesomely gifted unbeatable duo of amazing sweetness that we are today."

[The camera again shifts up to "Syberus."]

Adrian: "Oh, that's right. We'd also like to, of course, thank all the talentless jobbers in attendance who made this award possible by uh...being around for us to pin you, and making us that much better in the process."

[Adrian looks right out at Legion X's table, particularly Stan, and smiles.]

Adrian: "And finally, we'd like to thank all our fans, who voted The Connection ONCE AGAIN -Ultimate Tag Team of the Year- for the 2nd year in a row. It really is an honor to know that, well...we already knew we were the only team worth watching. But it really is an honor knowing that you all think that too."

"So thanks, and here's a three-peat in 2006!"

[Adrian takes the award and walks off stage as the fans in attendance cheer loudly.]

[SWAT Team]

The room gets quiet before an angry-looking Ignacious Conner stomps out and stands behind the podium. He looks around the room in disgust, not making any effort to pretend like he appreciates this show whatsoever. He tries his hardest to conform some sort of smile, but it probably makes a few babies cry. Conner's eyes look as though he may have started on the bottle a little early.

Conner- "Popular. Most popular. That's a toughie to accomplish here in SWAT. Hell, three quarters of the roster are a bunch of do-gooding pricks with only one thought on their minds, 'I've gotta do what it takes to please the fans. I've gotta make sure everyone loves me. Screw goals and winning gold, I just wanna be loved. Love. Love. Lovey dovey bull. Fans. All about the fans.' Well let me ask all of you Dudley Do-Rights something...where the hell did that ever get you?"

The crowd gets a little riled up. They should know what to expect by now, though. Conner sinks his head for a moment, then brings it back up looking no better than before.

Conner- "Nowhere. None of you mean a thing! You're here to watch and wish to be us, well, wish to be SOME of us. Like me. Well, fans, I think that SWAT will do the right thing by overriding all of your votes and just appointing this spot for 'Most Popular' to who it really belongs to. I think we all know who I'm talking about. This is a man who overcame many obstacles this year, including having his name stolen by a clumsy dope of a wrestler, Stan Wilson. This is a man who's been screwed out of the World Title one too many times. This is a man who can't trust a soul, and wasn't appreciated by the Connection for all he did to try and help them. This is a man who debuted here just after last year's show and deserves this award because he is LOVED by the fans."

Conner points a thumb to his chest, indicating that it's obviously him, and then picks up the result-containing envelope. He breaks the crease and then looks up with a smile.

Conner- "I know that they make changes in major circumstances. This is one of those, and I just know that the Committee realized what I've been through, and I can't tell you how much of an honor it is to present this prestigious award to this superstar... this spectacle... this deserving individual...Alright... I'll stop bragging and just give you all what you really want..."

Conner actually has a smile now, is he out of his mind? Anyway, he pulls out the paper and even starts to falsely blush. He slips on a pair of sleek glasses that he really doesn't need and continues.

Conner- "The award for 'Most Popular Wrestler of the Year' goes to none other than..."

Conner's chest swells with pride before he announces the winner in a loud and unconcious tone. He honestly expects that the Committee overthrew all the rules to put him in this spot.

Conner- "GENity... Howard? The...Mummy... Commando... GOD FORBID YOU PEOPLE EVER AWARD ME ANYTHING! I've not won a GOD DAMN thing all night. And we WONDER why I drink!"

Conner's shoulders droop and his frown returns. He slams the envelope and paper on the ground and stomps on it before Genity makes it on stage. The two exchange stares and Conner points at Genity and mouths to him that he's a major jerk before skulking backstage. Genity laughs at his stupidity and continues to the podium with a proud, yet disturbed by what just happened, look on his face.

"Tha-..." Genity began to speak, but paused. His grin vanished, staring at the award. His eyes grew wide with disbelief, seemingly in amazement. "This... is why he wrestles?"

The mummy bit his lip, annoyed. Without warning, he hefted the trophy and took off backstage. The picture jumped as the cameraman took off after him, leaping onto the stage as he cursed audibly.

The chase continued until Genity caught the man now known as Ignacious Conner about to leave, his back towards him. He tapped his shoulder impatiently.

"Look, I already said no autogr-..." Conner looked somewhat confused at the 'Commando'. "What the hell-"

He was quickly cut off as Genity forcefully put the trophy in his arms, his face bearing a look somewhere between disgust and pity. "If all you wrestle for are trinkets and kind words, then you can take the damn thing."

Genity continued to rant, slowly egging on the already irritated and probably inebriated former multi-champion. "Unlike you, I don't care about trophies, or championships, or grand displays of incredibly wasteful grandeur. I've been put on this earth to simply... wrestle. I can't perform medical operations... I don't have super speed or super strength to fight crime... I'm just a wrestler. No matter how much I try to delude myself, I know that that's all I'll ever be."

"But I've come to realize my meager talents have a whole lot of meaning to these people. The one's who watch us, maybe with jealousy weighing in the backs of their minds, maybe for the sick amusement of watching somebody seriously injure themselves or their opponent... but maybe because these people actually like us."

"I've come across a lot of people in my short span of new life. Of course there are the people who view us as nothing more then clowns, or animals in a roped-off cage. But there are also people out there that are touched by our actions. I'm not viewed as some messed-up freak, but as a role-model for my actions. People can watch what I do, and find the strength within themselves to overcome adversity and take on life with a whole new, vibrant energy."

"But at the end of the day... I'm just a wrestler, as human as anyone else. And they respect me for making something of myself, despite my flaws. Being a 'do-right' has given me a reason to live. And a reason to love my fellow man as kin. DO NOT MOCK MY KIN."

Genity turned to walk away, looking at Conner out of the corner of his eye. "You know... if you spent as much of your time putting your heart into wrestling as you do whining and complaining about how no one gives a damn... you'd probably have the world title. But who am I to judge?" He sneered, skulking away.

We quickly cut back to the stage, audience a bit restless before Genity pokes his head from behind the curtain, waving. "Sorry about that." He rubbed the back of his head, embarrased as he stepped back on-stage...

*WHAM!*

And was absolutely flattened by an enraged Conner, the trophy thudding off his skull as his eyes rolled back into his head. He dumped the trophy, grabbing Genity by the head and screaming at the clearly not there man. "You think you can come out here and disrespect me? You... you... god-damn freak!"

The audience went absolutely insane with shouting, both yelling at Conner and a few certain individuals roaring him on to kick some mummy ass.

He quickly lifted Genity into the tombstone position with ease, before he leapt off the stage...

And directly into one of the tables near the stage, obliterating it and his victim with the Iconomizer! Genity slumped, arms extended to his sides as Conner flipped off the crowd, spitting on the face of the downed Australian Champion before security tore him away.

The assailant continued to antagonize the crowd, keeping the now increasingly agitated goons at bay until he heard... a chuckle.

Conner looked down at the fallen award winner, eyes wide with surprise as Genity began laughing his head off, tears flowing from the intensity. As if he were being pulled by strings, Genity rose to his feet solely with his back muscles, stumbling a bit before one of the security members caught him.

He simply continued to giggle hysterically as Conner was taken away, as we cut to commercial...

[SWAT Team]

Fifi: Guess what SWAT fans? I'm standing here with a returning superstar...you may remember God's messanger, Alexander Delvechio!

Not a word from the "repackaged bible basher".

Fifi: So Mr Delvechio, where have you been?

Alex: SILENCE!

Alex snatches the mic from Fifi in a violent manner, causing her to be shoved back a bit.

Alex:It doesn't matter where I've been, or what I've been up to. What matters is what I am going to do now I am back. New Years Nightmare will be the rise of Delvechio. SWAT can't escape God's will forever, they will be punished for crucifying me in front of those peasants.

Fifi looks bewildered

Alex: There's a Deathmatch coming up. Thou shalt not kill God's creations, no matter how deformed they are. However
nothing is stopping me from brutalising and maiming the infidels who think they have a right to even look me in the eye.

Alex looks up and points to his clouded eyes.

Alex: Delvechio will rise from the ashes and cast those who sin into the pits of hell!

Fifi look on at the cheesey promo being cut. Note, Alex is raising both arms in a glory pose as he stares to the heavens above.

Alex: It's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new light for me...and I'm feeling good!

Alex lets out a toothy grin before walking off screen. Fifi's expression says it all.

[SWAT Team]

[CK Panic, decked out in a more expensive looking version of his normal suit and tie, comes up to the podium. He adjusts his tie nonchalantly and lights a cigarette. He smiles at the audience.]

CK Panic: Gotta work the gimmick, you know.

[CK takes a drag and exhales his smoke.]

CK Panic: "Angle of the Year" is something important to note. Because right up there next to the characters and technicians that grace the ring, there sits the stories they tell to the audience. Without a good story, no one would come see the larger than life personas or amazing mat skills that so many in SWAT, or anywhere else, bring to the table. Whether it's the age old good versus evil, deep rooted grudge, or battlelines drawn among diverse groups, the stories told inside the ring and out help weave together the rich history of our industry. Sometimes it's just a fight. Sometimes, it means much, much more than that.

When you remember the greats of the past, or even just your favorites, you also remember the stories they helped tell. With that in mind, it is time to give the award for "Angle of the Year." The nominees are...

[As CK speaks, footage rolls on a screen behind him of the nominees.]

..."The Punisher" Dan Stein joining Legion X...

...Sly Fondell crippling Bryant Tanner...

...Nick Collyer versus Big Stan & Legion X...

...The Microshocker and Ignacious Conner's "I'll wrestle you for your anus" match...

[The crowd laughs at the footage and some in the back cheer and whistle.]

...and finally, the Overtaken Pay-Per-View's drawing and match selection method. The winner is...

[CK opens his envelope.]

CK Panic: ...the winner is The Microshocker and Ignacious Conner's "I'll wrestle you for your anus" match!!!

[Microshockers music hits and he struts to the podium.]

The Microshocker: Uff my mi God, What a wow! My third Swatty! Now, I think I have pissed on you guys enough already, so I’ll just say something about this. First of all, I want to thank my mom, my wife beating dad, my homosexual sister and my physically deranged brother Zach, I love you fucks! I also want to thank my horse Sally, and the nights of great passion when I rode her….or, when she rode me….get it?

(Everyone finds it sick)

Microshocker: And ofcourse, this angle couldn’t have been possible without the support of my butt buddy, the iconic Ignitious Conner. It was through his support in which I was able to create this angle where my nutsack hangs of mouth while his nipples can feel the warmth of my anus…he’s was real cooperative and I appreciate that. And before leaving, I honestly want to thank you all for voting for me…my third award, WOW…cumshots on me today everyone. Cumshots on me.

(The Shock’s theme music plays as he struts his way out…)

[SWAT Team]

The Windows XP theme music SHOOTS through the air, remixed with the original PREDATOR movie sound-track. Everyone in the hall looks up. A figure, wearing a huge latex condom flys through the air. Is it Shawn Michaels? Is it OWEN HART? NO...It's the one and only, Penisbreak Kid, Michael O' Shauker...The MICROSHOCKER. The Microshocker is carried through the ropes over the crowd and towards the stage, he has a huge GUN in his hand, kind of like that blower they gave CHYNA to shoot shit. The Microshocker points it towards the crowd, all of the superstars....And shoots white substance all over the audience. David Sadler and some other superstars run for cover...THE ICON runs out of the building....this is real SPERM folks. The Microshocker finally unbuckles himself from the ropes and falls 15 feet down onto the stage, the gun falls on the concrete below and breaks. The Microshocker stands on the stage, Looking at the audience. He moves towards the mic....)

Microshocker: NOW YOU KNOW WHO ROBBED THE SPERM BANK....SPERRRMMM POWER!!!

(Huge cheers from the crowd....the sperm-showered superstars seated in the front look behind at the audience, they can't understand the Microshocker's popularity)

The Microshocker: Now lets make this short and SWEET (licks a sperm stain on his lip)...I, THE MICROSHOCKER, the three time Hardkore World HEEL OF THE YEAR...am here to present to you...the SWATTIES 2006 AWARD FOR THE MOST HATED AND THE MOST BITCHED AROUND SON OF A GUN in this fed... The nominees are....






The Microshocker: That's some nice pussy folks. Anyways....the Award will go to...

(HE UNZIPS HIS CONDOM SUIT....THE SHOCK STANDS THERE, completely naked...His back faces the audience....he bends over...and pulls apart his butt cheeks with his hands. WE SEE HIS NEW ANUS....AS HE STRETCHES HIS BUTTCHEEKS...The black stains on his butt become more clear...they make some sense....almost like in the Da Vinci Code....)

(EVERYONE MOVES FORWARD TO READ WHAT IT SAYS, Soutter looks at everyone in disgust....)

(The Microshocker turns around....)

MICROSHOCKER: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN...the WINNER IS.....SLY FONDELL

Fondell steps onto the stage, anger etched over his handsome face, the Shock quickly grabs Fondell and applies a deadly french kiss, Fondell pushes Microshocker backwards and levels him with a right hand punch to the face.

Sly grabs the Swattie and spits on Microshocker, Bad Boy King Kong rushes the stage and tries to behead Sly with a huge clothesline, Sly ducks and smashes the SWAT award into Bad Boy's skull. The big man crashes down on top of Microshocker.

Sly holds up the SWAT award and stares down at Microshocker and Kong and straightens his tie, smoothes down his hair and walks off stage.