.:The XHF Network Presents: Super Smash LIVE!:.
Mar 18, 2019 1:16:38 GMT -5
Curtis D. Kanyon, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Mar 18, 2019 1:16:38 GMT -5
XHF Network Presents: Super Smash Live
Time: March 25th, 2019
Time: March 25th, 2019
Early Evening
A Special Live Event to Support The National Organization for Rare Disorders
Stampede Park, Cody, Wyoming
Capacity: 1,000
A Special Live Event to Support The National Organization for Rare Disorders
Stampede Park, Cody, Wyoming
Capacity: 1,000
It is early evening and the sun is still shining down upon Stampede Park in Cody Wyoming. The lazy looking crowd shuffles around, getting excited for tonight's show by the banging beats of "Syndrome Mortal Kombat [Hard Trance Techno Remix]."
But the camera doesn't tarry on the crowd and it soon finds itself near the bleachers at a specially prepared table featuring what appears to be Jerry "The King" Lawler and .....Pac-Man?
Joey "Pac-Man" Hawke: Hello gamer guys and gamer girls, waka waka, we hope you're ready for a rip-roaring night of action. I'm Joey Hawke, dressed for the occasion as the classic yellow icon, Pac-Man
King: AND I'M MASTER HAND!
King raises up one of his hands to reveal a white glove on it.
Pac-Man: Yes, and wha-
Master Hand: AND CRAZY HAND!
He raises up his other hand to reveal another glove. Jerry "The King" "Master Hand" "Crazy Hand" Lawler wiggles his fingers on one hand.
Pac-Man: Thank you Ki- Master Hand. What a show we've got tonight! We'll be seeing the clash of characters you forgot existed when Pepsiman takes on Evil Ryu!
Master Hand: Evil Ryu is so scary it makes me want to drink a nice soothing, ice cold, Pepsi Cola!
Pac-Man: Actually, all this white hot gaming action has me looking for a refreshing cup of Dippin' Dots frozen ice cream, waka waka. After that we'll get a modern bout of the "FPS" variety pitting John Marston vs John "Soap" McTavis
Jerry "Master Hand" Lawler wiggles the fingers of his "Crazy Hand" at the camera.
Pac-Man: And what a waka-waka main event we've got ahead of us! Champion Wrestling mainstays as well as general louts, WAH Machine- better known as Wario and Waluigi will be taking on their heroic doppelgangers Mario and Luigi, Mushroom Mountain in a "Toadstool Tag Match."
Master Hand: Wow! That's a mouth full, or should I say, A HANDFULL!
He wiggles his fingers.
Pac-Man: Indeed. I believe we're ready to start though folks, so let's take it to the ring where Bonnie Jenkins, as Zero Suit Samus is waiting to get us started!
The camera moves to a wide shot of the ring where indeed a particularly fetching Zero Suit Samus awaits with microphone in hand.
Zero Suit Samus: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Super Smash LIVE!
The crowd cheers.
Zero Suit Samus: Proceeds from tonight will go toward The National Organization for Rare Disorders; so enjoy the show, it's going to a good cause!
Applause from the crowd.
Zero Suit Samus: Our first match tonight is scheduled for......ONE UP!
Crowd: ONE Ffffffup?
Wait what? Zero Suit Samus continues.
Zero Suit Samus: Coming out first, he's fast, he's refreshing.....PEPSIMAN!
Pepsiman's theme hits and cameras catch Pepsiman walking around the audience, giving fans ice cold cans of Pepsi. Upon here his theme he sprints towards the ring, still handing out Pepsi's to fans before jumping the barricade, and sliding into the ring.
Pac-Man: Waka waka! Now’s the time for Pepsiman!
Master Hand: Get me my free Pepsi!
Zero Suit Samus: And his opponent....He is the darkest of evils; good gone wrong.......EVIL RYU!
We hear Evil Ryu's theme from the Super Street Fighter 4 Arcade Edition and Evil Ryu comes out, staring his opponent dead in the eye as he makes his way down. When he gets to the ring, he wipes his bare feet on the apron before stepping through the ropes and staring across the ring at his opponent once more as the music comes to an end.
Pac-Man: Welp, he looks evil.
Master Hand: Stating the obvious… *ding*
Singles Match
Evil Ryu vs Pepsiman
DING DING DING
As the bell rings, Pepsiman charges at Ryu with a LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO into the corner, he runs back to his corner and then runs right back at Ryu with a Stinger Splash, which we’ll call The Pepsi Splash because why not. He runs back to the corner ONCE MORE, but Ryu connects...
HADOUKEN!
Fireball Punch
...which sends Pepsiman back, but he runs right back at him with a dropkick to the temple of Ryu. Ryu is fatigued a little, the kick came at him at full force and top speeds. Some say 88mph but he hasn’t gone Back To The Future yet. Pepsiman brings Ryu up to the top, now Pepsiman is climbing up there with Ryu. He’s looking to powerbomb him to the floor but wait… HES HOOKED BOTH ARMS?! He leaps backwards for THE PEPSI PLUNGE… SOMEHOW NOT IN HIS ARSENAL OF FINISHING MOVES BUT OKAY?!
Pac-Man: WAKKA WAKA!
Ryu looks unconscious but HE KIPS UP! HE KIPS RIGHT BACK UP!!
HADOUKEN!
ONCE AGAIN, THE HADOUKEN CONNECTS! Pepsiman falls backwards and Ryu comes right back with some quick fire fists to the stomach of Pepsiman, a can coming from his rectum with every punch. With Pepsiman backed in the corner, Ryu comes firing at him with Back Elbows to the head of Pepsiman, one connects to the temple… The tip of the elbow first. Pepsiman falls flat on his face, Ryu picks up Pepsiman and connects the
TATSUMAKI SENPUKYAKU!
Spinning Roundhouse Kick
Master Hand: Pepsiman is toast! He’s out cold, ice cold.
Ryu looks at Pepsiman staggering over towards him, then Ryu charges up… its building up… OH MY GOD IT'S A FIREBALL OF DEATH!
METSU HADOUKEN!!!!
Charged Fireball Punch
Pac-Man: HES BURNT TO A CRISP
Ryu places a foot onto Pepsiman.
1…
2…
3!!!
DING DING DING!
Zero Suit Samus: Your winner, the decidedly un-cola, Evil Ryu!
Master Hand: It was a valiant effort but Ryu wins.
After Evil Ryu leaves in a very celebratory and unhonorable manner, the crowd cheer on Pepsiman, giving him a standing ovation as he heads to the back.
Pac-Man: And now it’s time for our next match wakka wakka wakka wakka.
Master Hand: BRING FORTH THE SOAP AND THE COWBOY!!
Jerry "Master Hand" Lawler cackles crazily and wiggles the fingers of his "outfit."
"Johnny Mack Marston" by AKIOBOY begins to blast through the speakers. The cheers are thunderous, as John Marston walks through the curtain, not looking a day older then he did in 1907. He walks down the aisle, tipping his hat to the ladies and shaking the hands of a few men, before rolling under the bottom rope. He stands in the center of the ring, arms raised, and a slight smile growing on his face.
Zero Suit Samus: Ladies and gentlemen this match is scheduled for One Fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Zero Suit Samus: Entering first, John Marston!
"King of Kings" plays through the arena as John MacTavish walks out, carrying a replica AK-47 as he heads to the ring. As he makes his way ringside, he places the replica weapon to the ground and his ballistic vest is taken off him, he rips his shirt off and slides into the ring.
Zero Suit Samus: And his opponent, John “Soap” MacTavish!
Pac-Man: Wakka wakka what a match coming up. No guns allowed so let’s see how these two handle a bare knuckle brawl!
Master Hand: Gripping action to come Joey. And if anyone know anything about knuckles it’s me!
Singles Match
John Marston vs John "Soap" McTavis
The bell rings and the two men charge each other and immediately begin throwing hands. Soap is the quicker of the two and eventually gets the upper hand in the flurry of punches. Marston is sent staggering after a brutal right hook to the jaw. He turns and holds up his hands. He turns his back ready to duel. Soap looks confused. Marston starts pacing and Soap charges. Marston turns and levels him with a hard haymaker to the dome.
Master Hand: The gloves are off Joey! Look at the fists flying!
Pac-Man: Yes King the cowboy suckered in the combat veteran. Words I never thought I’d say in XHF.
Soap rolls back to his feet and wipes his mouth off. He beckons John Marston to come on and fight him. The two begin to trade hard right hands in the ring as the crowd cheers and counts the back and forth with “ooh”s every time Marston strikes and “aah”s every time Soap strikes. Finally Marston breaks it with an Irish Whip. Soap reverses it and sends him into the corner. Soap charges in with a shoulder to the gut then begins sending chops to the chest *WOOOO* before Marston spins him into the corner and unleashes a punch flurry to the gut. He grabs the arm of Soap and climbs to the top rope. As he begins to rope walk Soap pulls forward and Marston falls into the ring and stumbles into a rear chin lock. Soap begins to twist his body sending Marston stumbling with him. He then switches it up into a full nelson. After a few seconds he tries to lift for a signature move but Marston drops to his knees and leans forward sending Soap over him. Both men get to their feet and charge. Marston tries a clothesline but Soap uses his combat training to go for a takedown instead and rolls behind Marston pulling him down into a roll up. He pulls through and hooks the legs then falls backwards sending Marston springboarding across the ring. He lands face first on the mat stunned.
Master Hand: That wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t have legs. All you really need is fingers.
Pac-Man: Wakka Wakka What a Match so far King!
Soap wastes no time and dives on top of Marston trying to lock in a rear naked choke. Marston turtles and tries to roll over fighting the rear mount. Finally Soap lets him roll over and gains a full mount and begins raining fists and elbows on the cowboy. Marston is huddling up and trying to roll out. The ref is checking on him to see if he is ok. Soap finally relents and pulls the cowboy into a guillotine choke. He holds it for a solid minute before releasing it. Marston falls to the mat. Soap stands up and taunts to the crowd. Marston looks out. Soap steps over to the cowboy and smirks. He kneels down next to him and is about to mouth off when the cowboy’s hand springs out to the throat of the soldier. He sits up and stares into his eyes before calling him a lilly-livered horse’s ass. He then moves to his feet and lifts Soap up and plants him with the Undead Nightmare.
Pac-Man: Looks like someone got a power pellet. Wakka wakka.
Master Hand: FINAL SMASH!!
Marston drops into a pin.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Soap.
Marston shakes his head and calls him a varmint. Soap rolls out of the ring to avoid punishment as he holds his throat and back. He stumbles to the barricade where the fans all pat him on the back. He grabs a fan’s water and gulps it when he suddenly spits it all over the crowd. Marston has come from behind with a running punt to the ribs. He grabs Soap and bashes his head off the barricade then whips him into the ring apron and hits a shoulder to the gut. Marston calls to the crowd for a sarsaparilla. He grabs it and downs it in one gulp. Soap rolls into the ring and crawls away. Marston walks to the steps and climbs up. As he steps through the ropes, Soap springs at him and knees him in the face. Marston falls into the ring onto his hands and knees. Soap hooks the arms in a full nelson. He struggles with Marston and finally lifts him to his feet and drops him into a Backstabber, the Makarov’s Demise. He holds the hold and looks to submit the cowboy. Marston is able to push backwards putting Soap into a pinning predicament.
ONE!
Soap breaks the hold and rolls Marston off the top of him.
Soap rolls over to his knees and shakes his head. He walks over to Marston whose arm again flies up for the throat. This time it is blocked and Marston gets hauled to his feet. Soap is looking for the Task Force Driver. He hoists Marston up but Marston drops behind him and shoves him into the ropes and on the rebound hits a huge discus clothsline. Both men are down.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Master Hand: Is this how it ends? No pull the strings, get them to stand up!
Pac-Man: Wakka wakka wakka wakka looks dicey King.
FOUR!
FIVE!
Soap begins to stir. He pushes up using his fists.
SIX!
Marston rolls to the ropes and hooks his arms over the middle rope.
SEVEN!
Marston hauls himself to his feet leaning on the ropes. Soap is right behind him. He pushes to his feet and beckons Marston to bring it on! The fans go wild. The two again begin trading blows in the middle of the ring with each shot staggering the foe. Both men are on wobbly knees. Finally Marston swings a haymaker and Soap ducks it and locks in the full nelson again. He hoists up and again hits the Makarov’s Demise. He rolls into a pin this time.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Kickout at the last second by Marston.
Soap is shocked.
Master Hand: How did he kick out?
Pac-Man: I don’t know King. That was impressive.
Soap pins again!
One!
Two!
Kickout!
Soap locks in a sleeper hold on the now sitting Marston. Marston fights it. He is fading but refuses to give up. His arm is lifted and falls once. His arm is lifted and falls twice. The third time he catches it and pumps his arm into the air before rolling to his feet and sending a few huge elbows to the gut of Soap. MacTavish clubs him on the back but Marston kicks him in the gut and slams the back of his head off the mat with authority. Soap however uses the momentum to roll to his feet and barrels into Marston. Marston hits the ropes and comes back with a boot to the gut and connects with the Red Dead Redemption! He collapses into a pin.
One!
Two!
THREE!
Master Hand: The cowboy did it Joey. What a match.
Pac-Man: Certainly impressive King wakka wakka.
Pac-Man: Up next is our Toadstool Tag Match, our main event wakka wakka!
Master Hand: We’ve just been informed that it’ll be a tornado tag match, but also no-disqualification!
Pac-Man: It’ll be on like Donkey Kong!
Zero Suit Samus: The follow match is a Toadstool Tag Match scheduled for one fall!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLLLUIIIIIIIIIGIIIIIIIIIIII!
The crowd doesn't even care that their part has been interrupted and roars in approval as they hear the familiar “Wah” they have come to know throughout their years of gaming.
Pac-Man: This crowd loves them some Waluigi!
Zero Suit Samus: Making their way down to the ring first WA-
WARIOOOOOOOOOOO!
Master Hand: But they do NOT love Wario!
The crowd boos fiercely for the tubby yellow piece of crap and Bonnie Jenkins decides it's not worth trying to finish their introduction.
As the 'Waluigi & Wario Theme - Mario Tennis Aces Soundtrack' blasts throughout the PA, the lights flash bright yellow and purple. The crowd boo like crazy as Wario and Waluigi stalk their ways out onto the entrance ramp together for their Toadstool Tag Match, carrying a comically large sack and taunt the audiences with their "WAHS" making the fan's ears bleed with the nauseating sound. Wario turns to Waluigi and shoves his chest, shouting "WALUIGI, GET THE WAHBLES!". Both men continue their stalking down the ramp and into the ring. But he must be kidding because Waluigi doesn't get anything except MEANER AND UGLIER.
Master Hand: I feel like the whole park just got greasier
Pac-Man: Wario certainly has that effect on people
Master Hand: WAH!
Pac-Man: Oh no, not you too!
The crowd pops as we hear the iconic tune of our childhood, the Super Mario Bros theme. Mario and Luigi arrive in a pair of red and green go-karts. Luigi is already giving Wario a death stare as the two hop out of their karts.
Zero Suit Samus: And their opponents, the heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom.........MUSHROOM MOUNTAIN!
Pac-Man: The crowd is loving the iconic duo
Master Hand: I don't see any puppies...
Pac-Man: Uh....the other iconic duo- the Mario Bros!
Toadstool Tag Match
WAH Machine vs Mushroom Mountain
Mario and Luigi look at each other and nod their distinctive nods as they slide into the ring. The bell rings soon after.
Pac-Man: It’s on wakkka wakka wakka.
Master Hand: The Toadstool Tornado Tag Match is under way!
Mario brings the fists to Wario, but Waluigi gets the upper hand on Luigi, sending him to the outside. Waluigi takes the sack with him and rolls to the outside. The crowd comes alive as Waluigi pulls out a tennis racket from his sack!
Master Hand: The ol’ tennis pro immediately looking to take a swing!
Pac-Man: It’s almost like he was made for this!
Waluigi, with his highly technical skill, smacks Luigi in the back of the head with the racket.
Pac-Man: 15-Love!
Master Hand: The tennis master just aced Luigi hard!
Waluigi begins to laugh his trademark laugh, but he soon finds that Mario has crashed on top of him! The crowd cheers as Mario sticks up for his sometimes useless little brother, counting along as Mario stomps on Waluigi repeatedly.
Master Hand: He’s stomping on him like a line of World 1-1 Goombas!
Pac-Man: You can’t say that on air, wakkka wakka!
Mario looks under the ring and pulls out a strange device, looking like a backpack full of water, but with a giant yellow nozzle on top. Some of the crowd instinctively boo.
Master Hand: Is that… F.L.U.D.D.?
Pac-Man: Oh no. Even the crowd that loves Mario knows this isn’t going to be good!
Mario throws on the backpack and aims the nozzle at Waluigi, but Wario has snuck up behind him and tapped on his shoulder. His breath is so intense that it knocks Mario straight back onto his ass.
Pac-Man: Wario snuck up on Mario and evens the wakka wakka… but with what?
Wario pulls a giant clove of garlic out of his pants. It smells foul, so badly so that a small child in the front row immediately loses consciousness. Wario takes a huge bit of it as the crowd boos ferociously.
Master Hand: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Pac-Man: At least he’s getting his vitamins, right?
He takes a step and prepares to breathe into Mario’s face one more time, but Luigi is back up, socking Wario in the back of the head with a spinning fist. The crowd cheers as he looks over at all of them and the downed Wario, before giving Wario a very shy little kick in the balls.
Pac-Man: Right in the Toad-nads!
Master Hand: OW!
Luigi looks under the ring for a weapon and pulls out a red backpack with a vacuum cleaner attached.
Pac-Man: What’s this? Luigi looking to clean up his evil counterparts!
Master Hand: Or to bust some ghosts!
Joey Hawke and King clearly don't know anything about Luigi’s Mansion. Luigi puts the backpack on and attempts to use it on Wario. Wario stands there as Luigi turns on the vaccum. It blows air at him. Waluigi sneaks up behind Luigi and absolutely nails him with a tennis racket again. He tees off on Luigi repeatedly.
Pac-Man: Waluigi with the assist! Wakka wakka!
Master Hand: He should get a trophy for that smash!
Mario, who the camera focuses on instead of Luigi, is back in the ring. He grabs Wario’s sack and rubs around it, trying to find something to use. He finds big balls, and decides to dump out Wario’s sack, emptying the load. A basketball drops out, a futbol drops out, and a few other pieces of sports equipment drop out of the sack as well. Mario doesn’t seem to wonder why Wario and Waluigi have a collection of big balls. He picks up a yellow baseball bat and rolls outside the ring to save his brother.
Pac-Man: All four of these men are multi-talented athletes!
Master Hand: Even Wario? I bet he has almost zero stamina!
Mario smacks Wario with the bat, knocking a tooth out of his cartoonish grin. He stands in and waits for Waluigi to come to him, but Waluigi throws a curveball by dodging the bat. Waluigi throws a kick to knock Mario over, and then catches Mario with a Shining WAH-Zard.
Pac-Man: Shining WAAAAAAAAAAAH-ZARD! Wakka wakka!
Master Hand: What a kick! Mario and Luigi might be outmatched!
Pac-Man: Like Jurassic Park coming out a month after their movie, they’re looking ot of their league!
Luigi looks for an opening to get back into the match and realizes something that has brought his brother great success. He looks in the crowd and borrows a flier from a fan in the front row. He folds the paper against the ring apron multiple times, ultimately forming a paper airplane. He waits for his opportunity and chucks it at Waluigi’s face. It lands at Waluigi’s feet.
Pac-Man: Waluigi can show Luigi the Thousand Year Door here, I don’t think the Mario Brothers have any offense left, wakka wakka!
Master Hand: The two plumbers are looking like a couple of tools! Is Yoshi under the ring? The only way they’re going to get back in this thing is if Yoshi carries them just like when they were babies!
Wario throws Luigi back into the ring. Luigi lays on the mat like the ineffective brother he is as Waluigi shouts to his brother, “WAH-LUIGI, GET THE TABLES!” Waluigi pulls a table out as the crowd pops for the hard wood, but Waluigi gets a ball smack in his face, courtesy of Mario’s impressive aim. The basketball goes dribbling by as Mario grabs a golf club from the villains’ sack and aims his swing at Waluigi’s head.
Pac-Man: Fore! Wakka wakka!
Mario makes a long and hard drive, nailing Waluigi with his thick club. Waluigi goes down to his knees, but Mario isn’t satisfied, taking the time to make sure that Waluigi gets a mouthful of head as he gets clobbered with the club again. Waluigi is down and out as Mario reaches into his pocket for something special for Wario.
Master Hand: What a clubbing!
Pac-Man: I don’t think Waluigi will be competing on the Toadstool Tour any time soon!
Mario pulls something out of his pants and stands behind Wario. The crowd pops in shock and awe as he fires a fireball at Wario’s face! Wario immediately clutches his face as his mustache nearly catches on fire, but Mario stays on the offensive!
Pac-Man: Fireball! Wakka wakka!
Master Hand: Mario’s fired up!
Mario waits in the corner for Wario to turn around. When Wario finally turns around, Mario delivers a jumping right hand straight to Wario’s jaw! Wario goes down!
Pac-Man: Blockbuster! Blockbuster!
Master Hand: You can ring the bell now, Mario’s going to collect a handful of coins after his victory! Maybe he’ll even get to storm Princess Peach’s castle!
Master Hand: What the heck is that? Is that “So Happy Together?”
Pac-Man: Shut up King, with Article 13, we might not have the rights to play that!
Master Hand: But whose music is that?
PIKA!
The crowd roars as out comes the icon, the myth, the legend: Detective Pikachu! Pikachu makes his way down to the ring and immediately fires a taser into Luigi. It becomes quickly clear that this might not have been the original plan as Luigi is handcuffed. Waluigi is also tased, but because he was brutally assaulted with a golf club, he isn’t really moving anyway. The fans boo as the timekeeper calls for the bell and Waluigi also gets handcuffed.
Master Hand: What the heck is going on? Mario was about to win!
Pac-Man: This is more of a buzzkill than when a cool and unique franchise gets made into a movie, but then when the movie gets cast, the star is Ryan Reynolds! Wakka wakka!
Detective Pikachu’s taskforce swoops in on Wario, who is still holding his severely burnt face and doesn’t even need to be tased. Detective Pikachu holds the taser in his paw and tases Mario as Mario goes down and the crowd boos loudly. He asks for a microphone.
Detective Pikachu: Did you think you could get away with it? Pika Pika boo you jerk, we got the four of you on film!
Detective Pikachu pulls a huge bag of something out of seemingly nowhere and holds it up to the camera.
Pikachu: Dealing shrooms in a school zone to children? You four are going away for a long time! Ring the bell, this match is over!
The bell is rung again as Mario is also handcuffed. The fans boo wildly as Detective Pikachu has the four men escorted out.
Zero Suit Samus: As a result of...uh...both teams being arrested, this match is declared a NO CONTEST!
The camera goes back to the commentary table. The boos and the crying of children who don't like Pokemon (haha, like such a think exists) are audible everywhere.
Master Hand: Darn it, there goes our main event!
Pac-Man: But Master Hand, those guys were peddling drugs to children! Wakka wakka!
Master Hand: Video games are not drugs, Pac-Man! You should know that! Though hey, don’t you chase around a lot of white dots and then run around trying to eat people?
Pac-Man: Umm….......GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!
The two wave, especially King with his two gloved hands as we fade out on this horrible train wreck for The National Organization for Rare Disorders