Seth's Dope Ass ChocoPB Pie | Dillinger Blog (Rumble 3)

[Seth Dillinger]

The Dillinger Files

Seth’s Dope Ass ChocoPB Pie

March 27, 2019

Hey, internet. It's me again. Yes, I know, I already blogged today.

I'm sorry, this blogging thing shouldn't be compulsive, but after I finished my last blog post and hit publish, I went out for a bit. I went to a local thrift shop and picked up some new duds -- specifically, I found this really dope shirt about feminism. Wait, hold on, let me snap a pic real quick...



(Pictured: a sexy, disheveled hunk of a man.)

Anyway, got the dope shirt. Put on the dope shirt. Then I stopped off in a shop I know here in Philly that deals with... medicinal supplies. Luckily, I have a prescription. So I partook in some medicinal remedies. It was dope. Er, uh, maybe bad choice of words. It was lit. Wait, fuck. Okay, it was good shit. Fun shit. But it's okay, FBI, it's all legal you can ask my therapist. I swear. It's funny if I were traveling right now and not home in Philly, I probably couldn't even partake of the goodness. It's so harmless. But here in Philly it's safe. Unless Drumpf decided to set his DEA on me, just for taking my medicine to help my anxiety/PTSD/depression. Really though, Fuck Trump. He's the worst.

Wait. Where was I? Sorry. I'm still a little bit, uh... on meds.

RIGHT. So I bought a shirt, walked a bit, went to get my medicine, took my medicine strolled around the park for a bit, then I got REALLY fucking hungry. And I remembered my blog post from earlier. And holy shit guys, nothing ever sounded better to me. So here we go: I'm sharing with you Seth's Dope Ass Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Recipe.

The Recipe

INGREDIENTS

- 25 whole ass Oreo cookies
- 4 tablespoons of butter, MAKE SURE IT'S MELTED!!
- 1 cup of creamy peanut butter (get that stank ass crunchy shit outta here)
- 1 whole ass 8oz package of cream cheese, softened
- 1.25 cups powdered sugar NOT GRANULATED YOU WILL FUCK THIS UP IF YOU GET GRANULATED
- 1 package of Cool Whip

DIRECTIONS

1. Okay, first off, get that oven going. Preheat to 350 degrees (Fahrenheit, obviously. I'm an American.) Crush up the cookies. Like most bakers will say, no, you can't use a food processor, it's too mechanical, you need to make sure you put them through hand grinding, blah blah blah -- but no, man, that's bullshit. Just toss them in a food processor and grind them up into tiny little bits. Then while they're still in that blender thing you can dump that butter in there. Mix it up with a fork or your fingers or something. After it's mixed you gotta press it into a pie pan. PRESS HARD. You want that shit tight. Tighter, uh... tighter than... I dunno what to compare it to without being gross. So I won't. Then toss that shit in the oven for 7 minutes, letting it bake and harden a bit.
   
   
2. Alright, so you've got a crust. It's a bit crumbly, probably. That's ok, it's fucking Oreos, what did you expect? But now you can put that peanut butter in a bowl and beat it. Just keep beating it. If you're all bourgeois and shit, you can just use your fancy expensive stand mixer you probably got from your wedding registry from your non-homophobic parents. I just have a shitty hand mixer. Anyway, beat it. It'll get all floofy. Now toss in the powdered sugar (SERIOUSLY. POWDERED. IF YOU TOSS IN GRANULATED SUGAR AT THIS POINT THEN GOD FUCKING HELP YOU.) and beat that until it's fluffy and smooth with the peanut butter. Finally, dump in that Cool Whip (and do not get off-brand, come on, it's like a 50 cent difference) and whip it as well until it's smooth. Boom baby, you've got a filling.
   
   
3. Use a spatula and dump that filling into the crust from earlier. Spread it evenly. I like to use a flat kitchen knife to smooth out the top to give it that good good texture. After you're happy, pop that bad boy in the fridge... like, at least for an hour. Then boom. You've got yourself Seth's Dope Ass Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie.

(Pictured: maybe the only thing in life I'd turn down sex for.)

There you go, fam. Eat, and enjoy. Shit's so good. So goooooood.

Oh, uh, and to anyone who tuned into this blog (do you tune into blogs? no, right?) hoping to find something about the Rumble... sorry, dude. I mean, it said exactly what it was on the title of the blog post. And again, I cannot stress enough... I'm really high. But, uh, I mean, at least this wonderful journey into my culinary brain is a better way to spend your time than watching another goddamn Bobby Barratt promo about nothing.

I'm uh... I'm gonna go marathon Orange is the New Black and take a long ass nap. #TreatYoSelf #ImStillVeryHigh #ItsLegal